Title: Lovers in A Dangerous Time
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: John Smith/Arthur Eddington
Fandom: Doctor Who/Einstein and Eddington
Rating: R
Table: 2
Prompt: 87, Lovers
Note: Continuation of Secret Separation.
Author's Note: This fic doesn't feature the Tenth Doctor, but technically, since he is John Smith, it does fit the challenge claim. Slight spoilers for Einstein and Eddington.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own John Smith or Sir Arthur Eddington. Please do not sue.

***

John sighed softly, resting his head against Arthur's shoulder and closing his eyes. Each time they made love, they seemed to become more attuned to each other's bodies; he was almost embarrassed at how much his hunger for Arthur grew with every time they were together.

He didn't want to leave this man, didn't want to go back to London and take up the reins of his life again. Of course, he and Arthur were going to find a way to be together; they weren't going to be apart for long. But still, any time away from the man he loved would seem like an eternity, he was sure. It would be agony being without Arthur for even a few hours.

But they wouldn't be separated for longer than they had to be, John told himself. They couldn't be. He couldn't give this up for long -- these nights in Arthur's arms, this passion between them that they couldn't contain, no matter what other people might think of them.

Arthur's arm slid protectively around his waist, holding him close against that strong, warm body. His lover's embrace brought him more comfort than anything else ever had; no, there was no way that he could give this up for long. He'd die without this.

"What are you thinking?" Arthur whispered, settling back against the pillows and pulling the covers up carefully around their bare bodies. "You've been so quiet the last day or two, John. I know you're upset about having to leave, but it won't be for long that you're away from me, love. I promise you that. I'll be in London within a few weeks, at the most."

"Giving you up for even a few weeks is going to be hell," John murmured, feeling tears rise behind his eyelids, but not wanting to let them fall. He didn't want to cry in front of Arthur; that would only make his lover feel even worse about their imminent separation. No, he had to reserve his tears for when he was alone, to spare Arthur's feelings.

"I feel the same way," Arthur told him, stroking long, slender fingers through John's hair. "But it's something we'll have to face, sweetheart. All we can do is write to each other, and promise that it won't be forever. We'll find a way to be together, John. I swear we will. No two people who love each other as much as we do can be kept apart."

"The world would keep us apart if they could," John told him, sliding one thin arm around Arthur's waist. "We can't let that happen, Arthur. We can't let anyone take us away from each other. I can't lose you, not now that I've finally found you. I couldn't survive without you."

He could feel a sigh moving through Arthur's body, and he desperately wished that he wouldn't have brought the subject up. Not on one of his last nights here .... they had such a limited amount of time to be together before he had to leave that he didn't want bad thoughts to color any of it.

"I know they would, love," Arthur said in a subdued voice. "But the people who want to keep us apart are wrong. We have to remember that, hold on to it and believe in ourselves. We aren't wrong, John. I firmly believe that."

"It's strange that you do," John murmured, placing a hand on Arthur's chest to feel his lover's heartbeat, strong and steady against his palm. "Your religion would tell you that we're not only wrong, but that we're going to be punished for loving each other in the way we do. Yet you're not siding with those of your faith who say that how we feel condemns us."

"Because I don't believe that," Arthur whispered, his voice trembling a little. "It's hard for me to throw those teachings aside, John -- but I have to. I can't put you aside because of some teachings that I believe in my heart are wrong. I know that it won't be accepted, and I know that most people will insist that I'm wrong. But I'll never believe that. Never."

"I might have believed that we're wrong to feel this way -- before I met you," John told him, his voice gaining strength. Hearing Arthur speak as he had, his voice so full of convinction and love, made him feel that his own strength was growing instead of wavering as he'd thought it would be.

He'd been terrified that the closer the time came for him to leave, the more his feelings might waver, the more unsure he'd feel of himself and Arthur's feelings for him. But to John's surprise, that wasn't happening. Their imminent separation was only making his love for Arthur stronger, his yearning to be with his lover permanently more pronounced.

He didn't care if people said they were wrong. They weren't, he told himself fiercely, tightening the arm around Arthur's waist. This couldn't be wrong. What they felt for each other was the strongest thing he'd ever known, a love that couldn't possibly be denied.

He wasn't going to deny himself the comfort of loving this man. Human beings had to deny themselves too many things in this world, as far as he was concerned. They shouldn't have to deny themselves the love of their lives -- no matter what others might think of that love.

"I was convinced that how I felt about William was wrong," Arthur whispered, his voice almost breaking. "The only person I could tell about how I felt was my sister -- and even though she could understand, she never really felt that my love for him was something I should have been proud of. So I hid it. I won't hide the way I feel about you, John. I won't. Not ever."

"And I could never hide my feelings for you," John whispered, moved beyond words by what Arthur had just said. His lover had told him about the feelings he'd had for William -- and John could hardly believe that Arthur could feel even more strongly about him.

He understood completely why Arthur had never told the other young man how he'd felt -- he had been too afraid, and afraid of rejection. He still didn't know exactly why it had been easier for Arthur to confess those feelings to him -- but he wasn't going to ask.

Maybe it just hadn't been the right time before. Maybe there was something about the chemistry between the two of them, the feelings that had been so strong they couldn't be denied on either side. He'd always heard that you had to meet the "right one" to be able to fall in love fully and completely. Maybe their feelings were just proof of that saying.

Arthur was the right one. He'd know that from the first time he'd laid eyes on the other young man. The way that Arthur had looked at him, the pain and passion and intelligence he'd seen in those beautiful dark eyes -- everything about Arthur had drawn John inexorably to him.

John knew that there would have been no way possible for him to resist Arthur, to keep himself from falling in love almost at first sight. He didn't know just why those feelings existed -- but it was enough for him that they were there. He wasn't going to question them.

"I'll have to leave so soon," John murmured, his voice catching in his throat. Dammit, he didn't want to cry again. This was the second time within the last little while that he'd felt the tears rising -- he didn't want to break down. Not now. Not when Arthur needed him to be strong, and when he himself needed to hold on to his belief that they would be together.

"It's not forever, John," Arthur said, bowing his head to brush soft lips across John's forehead. "I know it may feel like that at first, but I'll be able to make it up to London within a few weeks. I should be able to stay there for a while -- and of course I'll be with you every night."

"I'll live for that," John told him, raising his head to look up at his lover. The way Arthur looked in the moonlight took his breath away -- the pale light silhouetting his profile on the pillow, the look in his eyes when he moved his head to gaze down at John, the smile curving those beautiful lips.

"I'm going to be thinking of you every second, you know." Arthur's voice was soft and loving, almost like a caress, his words enveloping John in their warmth and comfort. "I'll write to you every day until I'm in London. I promise."

John nodded, blinking back the tears that were starting to rise again. Writing to each other would be the best that they could do during the next few weeks, but hopefully, it wouldn't be long before they would see each other again. He was absolutely sure that he couldn't survive if he was away from Arthur's arms for too long.

"If only ...." he began, his voice wistful, before snapping his mouth shut and closing his eyes. He didn't need to make Arthur feel worse about their inevitable parting. He should be grateful that they'd had the time to discover each other, and that they would be together in the future. They'd had much more together than Arthur had been able to have with his first love.

"I know." Arthur's voice was as unsteady as his own; John looked up at his lover in surprise to see that Arthur was as near to tears as he himself was. "I'm sorry, love," he whispered, reaching up to lay his palm against Arthur's cheek. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

Arthur shook his head, managing a smile. "I think that's inevitable, John. We're both going to spend a bit of time crying and feeling sorry for ourselves when you have to go. But rest assured, I'll be with you soon. I can't stay away from you for too long."

"And I can't survive without you for too long," John replied, turning over onto his stomach and slipping one slender leg between Arthur's thighs. "We're going to have to make the rest of tonight and the next night something to remember, aren't we?"

"Indeed we are," Arthur murmured, his voice going husky on the words. His hands moved to grip John's shoulders, pulling the young teacher down for a heady kiss that took John's breath away. No, he definitely couldn't live without this, he thought to himself. He would be counting the days -- no, the seconds -- until his love was with him again.

John closed his eyes as Arthur's mouth came down on his, those strong arms encircling him and pulling him close. This was all he wanted out of life -- if everything else fell by the wayside, as long as he still had Arthur, he'd be all right. He didn't need anything else.

Maybe their time apart would test that resolve, but John was positive that they'd come through whatever tests that time and distance might throw into their path. He only hoped that their faith in themselves would be enough to get them through whatever was to come.

They were living in a dangerous time -- a time where neither of them felt they belonged. If only they could find a place that would accept them, accept how they felt about each other, John thought wistfully, letting himself relax in Arthur's arms. That would be paradise for both of them.

And if they couldn't .... well, then they would just have to find a way to deal with the situation, he told himself, letting out a soft moan as Arthur's hands moved down his body. As long as he had this in his life, he could deal with anything. Anything. No matter what, this was worth the criticism, the scorn, the hatred. And it always would be.

***

Next story in series - Goodbye My Lover.