Title: Anatidaephobia (aka Wing Envy)
Author: martyred-wings
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing: slash, Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Implied sexual situations, crack!fic
Word Count: 575 words
Summary: In which Castiel gets scared of a duck with wing envy! Inspired by a conversation with blue_flame88, on a previous fic (Anoraknophobia) regarding Anatidaephobia.
A/N: Anatidaephobia is a fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you. Yes, you, right now. Don't look. *did you look?*


Scared Castiel was scared. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how fast he ran, he could not get away from the duck. He'd tried running, skipping, jumping, even flying away from the quacking wonder on shadowy wings of shadow, but all to no avail. The duck simply took flight after him, and kept pace with him, veering wildly and letting loose its bouncing bombs and torpedoes wildly.
Castiel was getting a little tired, a little bored, and a little fed up of seeing the same duck everywhere he went. He tried escaping into the library, onto a Greyhound bus, into Starbucks, McDonalds and Walmart, even into the latest showing of Les Miserables, but he still couldn't shake that duck. The duck was unshakable and so refused to be shaken.

He went back to the park, having nowhere else to go, determined to kick the bird into the water or at least smite it heavily with a heavy smite. Instead, he ran around and around and around the body of water known as the duck pond, but the duck kept coming.

Finally, when all looked hopeless for the intrepidly tiring angel, Dean turned up, looking determined, brow furrowed in a heroic fashion, proclaiming himself to be Batman, Superman, and Wonderwoman all in one hasty breath. Dean proceeded to fight the duck with nothing more than a paperclip, onions, a hot dog and every last move he'd learnt from a Jackie Chan movie, before the duck was finally vanquished, sent quacking back to duck-y heaven by way of a hastily thrown, finely tuned onion ring covered in tomato sauce.

Castiel was suitably gratified, and covered his boyfriend's face in wet, sticky kisses, before being slightly turned off by the smell of onions that clung to Dean's skin, and hung around his person like the vilest of cloaks. He kissed him again anyway, as he rather enjoyed kissing Dean. Neither saw the elephant on the pink tutu pirouetting slowly past, singing a song from Jesus Christ Superstar through its trunk.

When asked by Dean just why the duck was chasing Castiel in the first place, the angel came back with a surprising answer.

"Wing envy," said Castiel.

"Wing envy?" Dean questioned, eyebrows lifting in surprise while simultaneously frowning.

"Yes, wing envy. I swear there's an echo in here," Castiel replied, despite the fact that they were now currently stood in the middle of a football pitch.

"Dude, I'm envious of your wings, and I haven't even got any," Dean stated, with a nod, a smile, and an unremarkable shimmy that didn't have anything to do with what he was saying.

"I'm envious of my wings, and I've got them," Castiel countered, unfurling his wings just to show them off and clouting the elephant in the pink tutu about the back of his gray wrinkly head and knocking him three ways to Sunday, while accidentally transporting Dean and himself back to their motel room with a blink of his left eye.

Dean couldn't stop himself from reaching out and touching Castiel's wing, running his hand over its softly feathered surface, before Castiel closed in for another kiss, pushing Dean upon the bed nearby and turning out the light, despite the fact that it was half past nine in the morning. Nothing could be heard above the sounds of rapturous moans, pleasured groans and the occasional scream of joy. Apart from the noise, all was silent ...