Actions Speak Louder than Words

Title: Actions Speak Louder than Words.
Part Two: Restitution.
Author: evalentine99
Rating: Mature 16+
Series: 1) Actions Speak Louder than Words - All Fall Down
Fandom: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Romance
Pairings. Jack /Ianto Micky/Martha
Alternate time line.
Beta: milady_dragon Torchwood- Copyright BBC. This Fan fiction has been created for enjoyment and is not for profit.
Any unique story elements and OC's are copyrighted to evalentine99
Summary: Ianto left TW3 heartbroken; Jacks actions demonstrated he came last in every aspect of his life. Can the reverse me true? Can Jacks actions now prove to Ianto how much he loves him?
***
Wedding
Jack stared at the card in his hand as if it was an unexploded bomb. He hated weddings. The last one he had attended had been an unmitigated disaster. Not that he had been invited; not that he had expected an invitation.
Gwen had come into his office the very next morning after Ianto had left and told him that she forgave him for his recent coldness towards her. She understood it was because he didn't want to rub Ianto's face in the fact she had won. She planned to tell Rhys that night she was ending it with him then they were both free and could be together at last. Then she tried to kiss him. Jack recalled the look of confusion on her face as he had backed away.
"But you want me!" Gwen had declared, confused as she looked down at Jack's hand holding her at arm's length. He shook his head.
"I saw the shock on your face when I told you I was engaged. You've been flirting me for months, the looks, the weekend away, your words to me after Rhys got shot, you... you..." she spluttered.
"Nothing happened on that weekend, Gwen you were acting as my PA," he explained.
"But you took me out to dinner, it was intimate, we had a slow dance, several if I recall," she told him. "I thought you took me for a reason, so we could have some time alone away from all our responsibilities here, so I don't understand," she hissed as he looked at her.
"That's my fault, I never meant to give you the impression that we had a future ..." he tried to explain
"It's more than an impression. I thought that the way you treated me was a reflection of how you felt about me and you wouldn't take it further because you were sort of seeing Ianto. I respected that you were someone honourable and wouldn't move on me until you had sorted things out with him. I thought Ianto was leaving because you ended it with him to be with me," she told him outright.
"Ianto left because..." he started to say then looked at Gwen who was glaring at him furiously and decided he didn't have to justify himself.
"You're right. I apologise if I ever gave you any indication that there was anything between us. Let me assure you there is not or ever will be an 'us,'" he told her in a tone that left no doubt to how he felt.
"But you're my hero," Gwen told him.
"I know you see me as a hero, but I need someone who sees me for who I am. I am convinced I could never make you happy and I know you could never make me happy. Rhys loves you. Don't throw that away, not for me, I'm not worth it," he told her.
"So what your saying is you don't want me despite all the flirting and hints, words, looks we've shared, field work, gun training, that weekend away, now you tell me there's nothing. You've been yanking my chain all this time, making me a feel a complete idiot," Gwen spat at him, flushing a deep red.
"Gwen I see you as a respected work colleague, nothing more," he told her as he looked her in the eye.
She faced him then slapped him full force across the face. As he staggered backwards she turned then flounced out of his office, grabbed her bag from her work station and stormed out the main Hub door.
She had returned to work two days later and apart from work related issues had not spoken to him, not even passing. So he had not been surprised when he had not received a wedding invitation. The events as they had unfolded the day of the wedding were awkward in the extreme. He had to storm in just as she and Rhys were making their vows, and hunt down and destroy a Nostrovite. Rhys had punched him out for insulting his mother, and they ended the day with having to retcon the entire wedding party. He has managed to rebuild some bridges by asking Gwen for a dance, all the time wishing it was Ianto in his arms.
And now he had another wedding to contend with; another day where he would get to witness a happy ending. He consulted his diary as Tosh came to join him. She took the invitation from his hand.
"Martha Jones and Mickey Smith invite Jack Harkness and Guest," she read with a growing grin. "Are you going?" Tosh asked.
"Unfortunately I have no choice," he told her bitterly.
"Mickey or Martha?" Owen asked him as he joined Tosh in the office and took the card from her.
"What?" Jack said as he snatched the card form him and began consulting his calendar.
"Your reluctance to attend suggests you had a thing for one of them or both and now they're getting married...to each other," Owen pointed out.
"Neither, it's just that the three of us belong to an incredibly select group of individuals and my not turning up would be noted," he explained.
"You never know you could get lucky and end up shagging one of the brides' maids or groomsmen or both...together... threesome," Owen suggested. "Might put a smile on your face and put you in a good mood," Owen added as she saw Jack scowl.
"Did I hear wedding?" Gwen said her eyes aglow as she came in carrying a tray of coffee mugs and proceeded to hand them out.
"Yeah with any luck Jack might get his leg over," Owen said.
"You haven't got a romantic bone in your body have you," Gwen told Owen as she handed him a mug.
"Owen that's very cynical. Have you any idea how many people meet the woman or man of their dreams at weddings?" Tosh pointed out.
"Wanna come?" Jack said looking at her.
"Me?" Tosh asked as Gwen placed a mug on his desk which Jack picked up and took a sip.
"Yeah fancy a nice meal, dancing, two people pledging eternal love to each other?" he told her trying to keep the cynicism he felt out of his voice.
"Okay you're on. Give me some ideas, you know if ever Owen and I..." she told him smiling then narrowed her eyes at Owen.
"You hitting on my girl," Owen interrupted in mock indignation as he diverted the conversation when he saw a certain look in her eye.
"I'd take you but Tosh might get jealous," Jack told him.
"Damn right," Tosh told him.
Jack picked up the invitation and groaned. "I hate weddings," he muttered.
"How are you feeling?" Ianto asked as he checked Micky who gave him a weak smile,
"Nervous," Mickey told him.
"If you're going to leg it let me know because one of my roles is to stop you getting out the door," Ianto told him seriously as he double-checked Mickey was all set to go.
"And face Martha? No way," Mickey told him. "Not only would she track me down, I would never hear the end of it. Have you any idea how much goes into organising a wedding, let alone the cost? Got the rings?" he asked as he saw Ianto pat down his pocket.
"All safe and secure," he told him. He looked at his watch.
Mickey let out a deep breath. "Thanks for stepping in at the last minute," he said after a few moments. "I should have asked you in the first place," he told him.
"Don't thank me yet you haven't heard my speech," Ianto warned as a head popped around the door,
"Time," the attendant called. Mickey stepped out and Ianto followed.
Pulling at his tie for the hundredth time Tosh smacked Jack's hand. "Stop that. You can loosen it at the reception," she told him.
"As much as I hate weddings I hate formal weddings more," he said in a stage whisper. They heard music begin to play and Martha entered the facility holding her father's arm, wearing a stunning ivory white dress which complemented her beautiful colour. He turned to follow her down, and his eyes flew open as he looked down the aisle.
"Oh god no," Ianto said under his breath as he saw Jack in the assembly.
"Ianto," Jack burst out as he saw Ianto next to Micky.
Groaning Jack wished he could make himself invisible. Unfortunately this was not one of those occasions where this was possible. Aside from the bride and groom he had shared too much with her parents and sister Tish for him to act in any perfunctorily manner. The Doctor was there, dressed in a manner that spoke volumes about the respect he held for the whole of Martha's family. Jack, an ex-con man, managed to fake how happy he was to be there acting as that there was no place he would rather be than right here, right now. After sitting though the meal and listening to the speeches, and the cake cutting he now retired to his table. He had had eschewed the obligatory champagne wanting something far stronger and had a glass quarter full of whiskey which he intended to refill as many times as needed to cope with remains of the day.
As bad as going to this wedding was, the fact that Ianto was here compounded how bad he felt. Every time he caught a glimpse of him his stomach twisted. No matter where he looked he kept seeing him. Right now Ianto was standing at the bar drinking a beer and he saw Tosh join him and give him a light hug.
Jack took a sip from his glass as he brooded. Ianto had apparently come on his own because he had not seen him here with anyone. So what was stopping him from walking across the room and talking to him? He felt a momentum in his body then stopped. If he did he knew what would happen: Ianto would be polite, then walk off which was Ianto's equivalent to a slap across the face comparable with Gwen's. He glanced across at the happy couple chatting with a number of guests. He looked at the Doctor then back at Ianto who was ordering another beer as he continued to talk to Tosh. After what seemed an age they left the bar and went down to sit at the head table and continued their conversation.
Seeing him here today had been a shock and had brought back all the hopeless longing that had haunted him since Ianto had left. He was at odds at what to do, just seeing him, being within feet of him, knowing that Ianto believed he meant nothing to Jack hurt and he felt a wave of despondency engulf him and he took a large gulp of whiskey.
The whiskey burning its way down his throat he stood and began to walk around looking for something. Arriving back as his table he took another sip of whiskey and started to make a list using the pen and pad of paper he had found. Every now and then he looked up and stared into the distance then wrote, adding an item the list he was making.
A while later he sat back then checked each point adding substantial notes against each item. Standing he glanced across at Ianto who was now sitting on his own looking as miserable as Jack felt. He spied the Doctor and caught his attention, joining him he pulled him aside.

***
Lily
Strolling around the lake in the park nearest his flat Ianto walked with Spud. Spud loved the park, especially around the lake because ducks were her passion. Her tiny frame was no hindrance and she would take off at the sniff of a feather. He had her on a flexi lead, having learnt this the hard way. Ponds, ducks and Spud equalled a wet, shivering dog covered in pond weed. He saw something had caught her attention and she was eager to set off on her shameless pursuit of the local duck population and he began to retract in the lead as she started to bark her head off. Reeling her in he picked her up to see a tall man wearing a brown suit in dark framed glasses standing by the lake and thought he recognised him.
"Ianto Jones?" I'm the Doctor," he said, holding out his hand in greeting. "We met at Martha's wedding," he added in way of explanation. He saw Ianto's face turn from confusion to recognition.
Taking the offered hand and shaking it Ianto was not sure of what to say. This man was a Time Lord and he couldn't fathom what he could possibly be doing here.
"A mutual acquaintance sent me to give you this," he said as he opened his jacket and handed him a letter.
Seeing Ianto struggling with Spud who had ducks on her mind having spied one a few feet away, the Doctor offered to take her as Ianto opened the letter. He raised his eyebrows as he read it, then looked at the doctor and re-read the letter thinking he had somehow misread it.
"What can I say... it's not that I don't appreciate the offer..." He stumbled over words trying to find a way to refuse, his heart racing as he struggled to find a way to accept.
"Everything has been arranged all you have to do is come with me," the Doctor informed him.
"But I can't. I've got Spud and I'm hardly dressed for the occasion." Ianto pointed to Spud whose muddy paws were making marks on the Doctor's shirt, and his own attire of a sweats and a coat with running shoes which were hardly appropriate for any kind of formal event.
"When I say everything I mean everything, and despite rumours I am quite capable of looking after a small animal for a few hours," the Doctor told him.
"But..." Ianto struggled to speak. "I don't know how to say this, but Jack and me...well, we're over and this will make me kinda obligated to him and I don't think either of us would be comfortable...not that ... I mean it's a wonderful offer...incredible even..."
"Jack said you might say this. Let me assure this is a no strings attached offer. Jack is offering to make amends for something that caused you a great deal of pain." The Doctor watched on as he saw Ianto struggle with what looked like several conflicting emotion.
"I'm not sure if I can handle this seeing her, knowing..." he said quietly as he looked at the Doctor with misty eyes.
"Don't live with regret..." the Doctor suggested.
"Okay," Ianto agreed after several moments of deliberation.
"The TARDIS is just over here," the Doctor pointed as he handed Spud back to Ianto.
Entering, Ianto bit his tongue to prevent himself from saying the first thing that came into head which was note it was bigger on the inside than the outside. "Nice," he commented after looking around, much to the Doctor's amusement at Jack's prediction of what Ianto's reaction would be.
"Come with me," the Doctor said as he led the way to a small room just off the main corridor. As he entered he saw he was in a dressing room but one with a shower complete with what looked like a range of expensive toiletries and several large oversized fluffy towels. Hanging up was a brand new dark, pin-striped Saville row suit, tailored shirt, waistcoat and dark blue silk tie. On a stand was a tasteful pair of cuff links. "I'll leave you to get ready," the Doctor told him as he took Spud who went off unprotesting with the Doctor and left Ianto to get ready. He stood and pulled his hand through his hair.
A respectable time later Ianto emerged ready and as he did the Doctor handed him a large bunch of flowers, "I'm told these are her particular favourites," he told him handing them over.
"Now how is this going to work? Do I just turn up?" Ianto asked.
The Doctor nodded. "All you have to do is knock on the door," he said as the TARDIS door opened. Ianto stepped out and found himself ten steps away from what had been his Aunt's house.
Walking up he knocked loudly on the door. He stood as he heard footsteps approaching, and the door was opened by a greying woman wearing a stunning deep blue evening gown and made up for an evening out.
"Ianto!" she called out with joy at seeing him. She wrapped her arms around him in a huge hug and kissed him on the cheek, then drew back to look at him.
"You look so handsome," she told him as she saw the flowers and realised she must had squashed them a bit.
"Oh my favourites," she told him as she took them admiring the arrangement. "I'll go and stand these in the sink and find a vase later," she said stepping down the hall and returned with what looked like a night bag.
"I was told to give you this," she handed the bag over to Ianto and found it filled with several changes of clothing, shaving gear, soap and a letter. Pulling out the letter he scanned it as she began to talk.
"What a day I've had. I was so upset when you called to say we couldn't go out tonight, I had been so looking forward to it. I had just put the phone down when this handsome American arrived and told me it was all a terrible mistake, and you had something very special planned. He was had just finished explaining when a car arrived and whisked me off and I've had my hair done, my nails, they even gave me a glass of champagne, very classy, while I had my perm. The gentleman who did my hair was so friendly and his staff treated me like royalty. When I got home there was this lovely evening dress and matching shawl and shoes all ready for me." She did a turn for him and he noted the seahorse brooch he had sent for her today, (well the other Ianto had sent), had arrived and she was wearing it.
"And your gift Ianto, what can I say, you know me so well," she said giving him another kiss.
"It's not the Faberge one you loved in that magazine, so I had this one made up for you. I'm sorry it's such a poor copy," he admitted and her smile filled him with such happiness he took her hand and kissed the back of it.
"It's incredible, perfect and nothing you ever do is a poor copy of anything," she said as Ianto put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.
"It's your birthday you deserve to be treated. You don't reach seventy-five every day," Ianto told her as he just enjoyed looking at her. A few moments later a horn sounded and a white Rolls Royce pulled up in front of the small house, taking her arm he led her out of the door closing it behind her.
As the approached a chauffeur got out and opened the door. "I feel all posh, like a millionaire," she told him as she got in the back seat. Moving quickly he sat next to her and took her hand.
Ianto sat back as the car took off down the streets of Cardiff. He had no idea where they were going; he had planned a dinner at The Dragon Hotel. They did a nice meal and she had been a couple of times and often spoke of returning. He had cancelled the reservation so he was no idea where they were heading. The car turned into the street but continued on to another hotel. They pulled up outside and the door was opened by the driver who directed them to the door and handed Ianto a envelope. "You will need these Sir," he said as Ianto looked at him curiously. Holding out his arm which his Aunt took he looked around and he realised there was a lot of other very elegantly dressed individuals, all heading for the main doors. Nearing the entrance Ianto opened then envelope to find two silver embossed tickets for a dinner with a number on them. The door attendant checked the tickets and indicated they go straight ahead.
Walking in they now found themselves in a very elegant dining room for about three hundred people, who were now sitting down to various tables which were laid out for four to six places and made themselves comfortable. Finding their table Ianto was surprised to see it was for just the two of them. One whole wall was a curtain and Ianto supposed it hid a stage of some kind, and he found his attention was brought back to the table as Lily grabbed a menu and leaned over.
"What are you up to?" she said with a twinkle in her eye as the waiter approached with a champagne bucket and two glasses and proceeded to pour them both a glass.
"It's a surprise," Ianto told her trying to think what an earth was going to happen next as another waiter approached and took their order.
Several courses later, Ianto sat and listened to his Aunt tell him all her gossip, as much as he loved her normally he just nodded as she spoke but this time he sat back and enjoyed her tales of battles with the supermarket and the neighbour's cat and her W.I. friends. The meal had been delicious with lashings of champagne. Dessert and coffee had just been delivered when the room began to dim. A spotlight appeared on the stage and a man came out and started to speak.
"Thank you everyone for the wonderful support you have given us tonight, let me tell you this dinner has raised over seventy five thousand pounds towards for the Stroke Foundation, the money raised will go towards research and finding ways of treating stroke victims. But enough from me, here is the man you have all been waiting to see: Mr Tom Jones!" The music started up and Ianto's mouth fell open. He looked at his Aunt who was gasping in utter wonderment as Tom Jones came on stage and started singing, 'It's Not Unusual'. His Aunt reached out and took Ianto's hand and gave it a massive squeeze.
Not a Tom Jones fan Ianto had always been bemused at women's - especially older women's - reaction to him. To say that his Aunt was a fan of Tom Jones would have been an understatement; she had a huge collection of his recordings but for one reason or another had never managed to see him live. Seeing him live was a fulfilment of a lifelong dream so he sat back and watched her enjoyment as he went through his set of popular songs. He was lost in thought when he found that Tom had stopped singing and was starting to speak.
"There's a very special lady here tonight who is celebrating her 75th birthday. Lily Jones, please stand up." The spotlight now fell on Lily, and Ianto sat back stunned as she was invited on stage and Tom proceeded to tell them what a huge fan she was. He asked if she would choose a particular song just for her, and she thought for a moment then spoke softly and he led her back to her seat and sang, 'The Green, Green, Grass of Home.'
When he finished he kissed the back of her hand. She quickly pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed her eyes as he returned to the stage and thanked them all for their support and how much the money was going to the Stroke Foundation. Then he went to do a few more songs then he bowed to thunderous applause and a standing ovation.
"This has been the best birthday of my life," she told Ianto as she clapped furiously. She then slumped down to put her shoes back on and find her bag as the curtain pulled across. As they prepared to leave a man approached with an envelope. "Mr Jones asked me to hand this to you," he said handing the envelope to Lily who opened it and pulled out a large photograph of herself with the man himself with his arm around her signed 'To Lily - Love Tom' scrawled across it.
"Thank you my darling," she said to Ianto as they stood up ready to go. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
"I can't tell you what an incredible night and day this has been for me Ianto. Tom Jones kissed my hand, and sang to me, gave me a signed photo. I feel like a teenager," she said as he handed her a cup of tea as she rested, winding down in her tiny front room. "All my life I have wanted to go somewhere dressed to the nines, driven around in fancy car, wonderful meal with loads of posh people. Tom Jones live in person and actually singing to me my favourite song. It's like all my dreams have come true on one day. And on top of all this I have you, I am so proud of you and so handsome, I felt the envy of every woman there tonight," she took a deep breath as she looked him pride filling her heart.
"I can't wait to see everyone at the W.I. to tell them about tonight I know at least one of them will be green with envy," she continued as Ianto picked up her feet and sat down on the large red poof and started to give her a foot massage. "Tom Jones, singing to me, Ianto how did you do it?" she told him, smiling and taking a sip of tea.
"Well got any more dreams then see what I can do for Christmas," he teased her then took a sharp breath as he realised she would be gone by then and he fought back tears not wanting to spoil this night for her.
"Okay as this is the night for dreams, I'll tell you. The one thing I have always wanted, well recently anyway is one of those Tea Cup Yorkies. I had a look on the internet down at the library, and they're twelve hundred pounds, well that put paid to that little fancy. But dreams are free and it would be nice having something to fuss over now that you've got too big and as you know I can't stand cats," she said as there was a knock on the front door.
Looking at his watch Ianto couldn't imagine who it could be this late, it was almost twelve midnight he knew it couldn't be the Doctor, the letter had been from Jack advising him they would pick him up in one weeks' time and a promise to look after Spud. So he was at a loss who could it could be.
Opening the door he saw a young woman holding a cat cage. "I was asked to deliver this to Lily Jones," she said. "Sorry about the time but the request was very specific and asked for this to be delivered, well now," she explained.
"Who is it?" Lily asked as she joined Ianto at the door.
"Lily Jones? " The woman asked checking this was the right person.
"That's me," Lily declared as the woman handed her the cage.
"She's been fed, and here's all her things." She handed over a large box of blankets and a basket complete with sheepskin liner, food bowls, toys and leads to Ianto. "Good night," she said as Ianto closed the door in complete bewilderment. As he followed behind Lily he heard a scream of delight as his aunt pulled out a tiny puppy.
"Oh Ianto, you naughty, naughty boy how did you know?" she said her eyes filling with tears.
Ianto sat down with a thump on the sofa, speechless as he now picked up the envelope pulling out two sheets of paper.
One was her pedigree certificate; the other was a note to say all her vets bills have been paid to cover every possible eventuality. He watched the small animal proceed to lick the makeup off Lily's face.
"She's 'Spudelicious," she told him as he watched her fuss over the puppy. The small dog warmed to her immediately and having explored with a sniff around curled up on his aunt's chest and went to sleep.
This small animal he knew had given his aunt more joy in the last six months of her life than she had known for a long time. She loved having someone to look after and had given her a new lease of life. Spud he knew was easy to look after and was affectionate and great company.
The week that followed he spent the time just being with Lily. They didn't venture out much and most of it was just spent at her home watching her enjoying having something to care for and allowing her to fuss over him for once. He took over the cooking and produced a wonderful roast, something she never cooked for herself being on her own. Jack didn't realise but in the months after her death Ianto had regretted that he had not been able to give her the time she truly deserved. As wonderful as the birthday night was for Lily this time was a gift beyond measure for him.

***
Miscalculation
Jack walked around the Hub for the one hundredth time that morning making sure everything was ready. He checked in with Gwen who was laying out the morning tea that had been prepared.
"It's just Ianto," she grumbled as she entered the boardroom with a tray of pastries and other savouries and began arranging them.
"Ianto is now in charge of the Archive project and I want to make sure he is treated with due respect," he said with all seriousness as Gwen rolled her eyes. Tosh came in to join him.
"He won't appreciate this you know," Tosh warned.
"Jack, we're telling you tears before bedtime," Owen added his own opinion
"Look this is very important. I need him to see all the changes," Jack explained stubbornly.
Tosh bit her lip to prevent herself from saying anything further as she looked at Owen because she knew it was pointless. Jack was on a mission and nothing she or Owen had said had managed to slow him down.
She glanced across at Owen who raised his eyebrows and pulled her aside.
"What are we going to do?" she asked.
"God knows I am expecting a major row," Owen told her.
"You really think so," she said concerned as Owen nodded.
"Listen it ain't going to be pretty. We know how angry and hurt Ianto is," Owen said as she looked over at Jack who was fussing over the seating arrangements. "They never cleared the air, Jack went all indecisive and Ianto was so hurt he just hid. They hardly saw each other, let alone spoke."
"You know Ianto, he keeps all that close to his chest," she pointed out
"Yeah that's the problem," Owen told her.
"All this bloody fuss..." Gwen burst out as she came over to them.
"Yeah well there could be more than a fuss today. I think it might a good idea if you make yourself scarce," Owen suggested.
"What for?" she asked
"Intuition, we think they might get into a fight considering it didn't happen when Ianto left, the pair of them left a lot of things unsaid," Tosh pointed out.
"You know how much Ianto hates being put on the spot and you're not his most favourite person," Owen said
"Well Ianto is not top of my hit parade either, so let them get on with it, they deserve each other," she snarked.
"No, you and Jack deserve each other," he snapped back as he saw her smile at the happy thought.
"Ianto on the other hand deserves a lot better, but you can't help who you fall in love with," Tosh told her. Her face fell as she realised the insult.
"All I'm saying is it might be best if you're not here just in case all hell breaks loose," Owen warned.
"Whatever," Gwen snapped and stomped off out the room slamming the door.
"And we thought hostile aliens coming thought the Rift was our biggest problem," Tosh said as they watched her leave
Jack swallowed, he was so nervous he had not seen Ianto since the wedding.
He had made major changes and this was the first time he was going to showcase them to Ianto. The changes were evidence of his putting what he had promised into action. Things had changed; there was now a full time archivist, a Hub manager, and two other field agents. He had fallen back into a more managerial role. Tosh had set up an alert system so that call outs when they happened meant there was a fair distribution of work. Brian Mathews, the new Hub manager, had taken over all the jobs Ianto had done and was not someone who took to being bossed about lightly. He took care of everything. Gone was the lackadaisical management in the past, replaced with the trappings of a professional organisation.
He had also re-furbished the Hub. The alien autopsy area had been moved and the space replaced with a fully equipped medical unit complete with two beds, a small theatre, enough to manage even serious injuries. Along with this was a new infield reporting system where all injuries no matter how small had to be reported and treated.
He was proud of what he had achieved and was eager to show Ianto how committed he was to putting into action some of the fixes that replaced the failings that had been the cause of Ianto's departure. With Ianto's elevation he was also hoping to demonstrate to him that he considered him an equal. Showing Ianto he considered him his equal was the second item on his list after "Lily."
Full of nervous energy he decided to race up the stairs instead of using the lift and meet Penny who was waiting in the Tourist office to greet him.
Taking his briefcase Ianto got out of the taxi and handed over the fare and braced himself. This was going to be awkward. Hopefully Jack would be out, he could say hello to Tosh and Owen, have his meeting with Penny and be out by lunch time. He had a lot to do because he was getting his Aunt's house ready for sale. It needed tidying up mostly, a bit of painting, basic repairs, get the carpet removed and re-laid with something more modern.
The visit here was really to catch up with the new archivist, Penny. He had now begun co-ordinating the artefact archives, pulling together all the different locations into one central data base to begin with and eventually, if Ianto had his way, a central location. They had communicated by email but some things just went over better in person. She had also done a lot of hard work and a personal visit seemed in order to let her know how much he appreciated her efforts towards the project. And he thought it would be a nice touch to fill her in on the next stage of the project so she knew her efforts were being noticed.
Walking behind Jack Ianto followed as he was taken on the tour. He had no idea what Jack was up to but he was treating him like he was sort of VIP visitor. He couldn't recall the last time he was more embarrassed, in fact he wanted to sink into the floor.
So far he had been paraded before the new Hub manager, the two new field officers, and Penny. Owen had shown him the new medical bay along with the small ward with two beds. Jack now insisted he give them a rundown of the artefact project something he was completely unprepared for. He stammered his way through it like some idiot all the time wishing some large alien creature would appear out of the Rift and eat him alive.
It was with some relief he finally managed to escape and follow Penny down to the archives to have the meeting he had come for.
He sat down with her in the small office she had made her own and went over with her the purpose of the visit.
About fifteen minutes into his explanation he realised she kept looking at him.
He rubbed his hand over his face. "Have I got something on my face?" he asked her.
She smiled. "It's just nice to meet you and find you are an actual human being," she told him.
"Er, yeah?" Ianto told her not sure what she was referring to.
She grinned. "It's just that Jack never stops talking about Saint Ianto. To be quite honest I was expecting you to be wearing a halo."
"Pardon? Jack talks about me?" Ianto spluttered.
"Oh yeah he never shuts up. It's Ianto this, Ianto that, no-one can make a coffee like you. What a superb field officer you were. How many hours you put in. Don't upset the filing system you set up here. Apparently you have this super power where you could anticipate what was required and always ensure everything was done before you realised you needed it. I mean none of us can compete," she rattled on as only the young can, unconscious of the effect of their words on others.
"I was just an archivist, sort of general dogsbody, nothing special," Ianto told her as he went bright red. "I did go out on field missions but I was just part of the team, in fact I was sort of just dragged into it. I had those duties plus everything else, and using the coffee machine is very basic," he tried to explain.
"Yeah we can't work it out either, if you were so amazing and vital to the smooth running of Torchwood Three how come you left," she told him as she saw him clench his jaw.
"Anyway," he said pulling her back to the topic at hand and started to hand out the information he had prepared.
An hour later she got up and headed back to the main Hub area. Ianto started to clear up and placed the files he had with him back into his briefcase. Jack joined him.
"How is everything going?" Jack asked again as Ianto glared at him.
"Yeah everything is prefect," he snarked after few moments has passed as he tried to contain his anger.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Jack snapped back not sure why Ianto was looking so angry.
"I came here for a quiet catch up meeting with Penny and you used me to show off," Ianto said his voice laced with disgust. "You embarrassed and humiliated me not just in front of your new staff but Owen Tosh and Gwen." He glared at Jack then after a few moments stabbed a finger at Jack who was trying to formulate a reply.
"You made it very clear when I was here, to what my place was..." he took a deep breath as he glared at Jack, shaking. "And for you to make it out that I was a valued employee and treat me like some returning hero makes me feel sick to my stomach."
"That was not true, you were, are...that was my fault I didn't tell you how valued your work was here..." Jack struggled to say but Ianto interrupted him.
"Valued," Ianto repeated with a sneer "When you went AWOL, I ran this place, fielded all the difficult calls, kept UNIT from asking questions, looked after Flat Holm. All the while being pulled into active duty as a field operative on top of all my other duties. Fuck Jack I practically lived here, and what was your first act when you got back?" Ianto pulled himself up then took a breath before Jack could reply. "You confirmed Gwen as your second in command and had the gall to make a public statement about what a fucking brilliant job she'd done. Well let me tell you she didn't do a brilliant job, I along with Owen and Tosh did. We carried her the whole four months. And on your return I was expected to carry on working 20 hour days as you slipped back into your role. You never once questioned how things got done, accepting her version of events," Ianto spat out.
"I had no idea, shit Ianto why didn't you tell me," Jack retorted stunned at this revelation.
Ianto glared at him as he formulated a response "after you ignored and dismissed every request to set up a meeting," he said trying to keep his temper. "I compiled a report that updated you on everything. I can recall your reaction; you threw it on your desk and said you would read it later. Did you ever read it?" he saw the look on Jack's face which indicated he had no recollection. Then with a sinking feeling Jack recalled the yellow folder now under a pile of old papers gathering dust on top of one of the filing cabinets in his office.
"So I knew my value was the same as that file, something to be ignored, forgotten and overlooked. What the hell would I have to tell you? I was nothing but the part time shag tea-boy," he said glaring at him, his face a mask of fury
"You are angry..." Jack started to say
"Damn right I'm angry."
"I treated you very badly and I'm sorry..."
"I'm leaving," he picked up his briefcase and made to leave.
"You are not leaving," Jack said with determination as he grabbed Ianto's elbow.
"Let go of my arm," Ianto demanded with a sneer on his face.
"We haven't finished."
"Yes we have," Ianto said pushing Jack forcibly away.
"No we have not," Jack said as with a swift move he grabbed hold of both Ianto's arms.
"Get your hands off me!" Ianto shouted, dropping his briefcase and moving back using every effort to free himself.
"You are hurt and angry," Jack growled stepping back with Ianto.
"I said get your hands off me," Ianto spat out
"Ianto Jones you are not leaving this office until you listen to what I have to say..."
"Fuck you!" Ianto pushed him away. Jack staggered back but still maintained his hold on to Ianto's upper arms.
"I know I fucked up! I'm the biggest fuck up in the entire universe because I let you walk out of that door without a fight," he said, struggling to hold Ianto as he fought against him. "I was an idiot, a prize fool amongst idiots because I didn't see what was right in front of me until it was too late."
"Gwen rejected you? Newbies not putting out? Missing hard shags up against a desk or furtive hand jobs in some hidden corner? " Ianto snarked as he pushed his face into Jack's. "Well I'm not going to be your consolation prize."
"You could never be a consolation prize," Jack hissed out between gritted teeth as he pushed against Ianto
"You don't want me! There must be thousands of bodies out there! Just dress them up in a suit, show them how to use the coffee machine, tell them you need them, then string them along for months with promises of meals, nights out, and weekends away and when you fail to deliver, tell them you'll make it up to them." Ianto finally managing to break Jack's grip and moving towards the door to find Jack moved to stop him.
"This is ridiculous your actions couldn't have been clearer. You don't want me, you've never wanted me, I was just convenient," he spluttered
"That's not true," Jack said shaking his head.
"Yes it is Jack. I wasn't worth you following through on even the most simplest of promises. Hell, I didn't even rate you putting aside fifteen minutes of your precious time so I could discuss something important with you, so explain it to me, what it is you think you are trying to do here," Ianto burst out completely bewildered.
"I want a second ...," As the words left Jack's lips he felt the side of his head explode. Stunned, he staggered back as he struggled to maintain his balance.
"You bastard," Ianto lashed out and punched out again as Jack crashed into the small table then slid to the floor landing heavily.
"I gave you a second chance after you ran off without a word," Ianto bellowed at him as Jack struggled to stand. "And what I got as a reward was to watch you fawn over her for months. Do you know how much it hurt knowing I was nothing but a body to fuck while you were waiting for her? It almost destroyed me knowing she was who you really wanted especially after you took her away on that weekend..." he glared at Jack, gritting his teeth, "and you came back and expected us to continue on as if nothing had happened."
"Nothing happened on that weekend I swear," Jack declared as he picked himself up.
"Yes it did to ME!" Ianto spat out, pointing to himself. "A piece of me died because I realised everything you said to me was a lie. It made me realise that I had been fooling myself that you would ever look at me the same way you looked at her. Do you have you any idea how hard it was to come here every day and see your hope being stripped away a word, look and gesture at a time?"
"I hurt you badly undeservedly so, I see that now," Jack said. Ianto looked at him in disgust
"You don't want me Jack you just need some nameless body to fuck, " Ianto said as Jack lost control of the desperation flooding through his being and with a violent shove slammed Ianto up against a wall.
"I don't want a hard shag." He put his hand against Ianto's cock then forced a heavy almost brutal kiss on him then pulled back just as quickly. "I want you...do you understand what I am saying?" he said almost spitting in his face. "Do you get that? I want something worth fighting for. I know I lost your respect and any feelings you may have had for me, I'm not an idiot, all I am asking for is the right to earn a second chance!"
"Why should I allow myself to fall for this again? Knowing I'll just to end up here again only this time I've wasted years hoping against hope that if I give enough of myself, you'll be able to see how much I... because that was all we had Jack, me giving and you taking," Ianto shouted at him as he wiped the back of his sleeve over his mouth.
"Words mean nothing Ianto, what I was trying to do today was show you that I have changed, I'm making an effort," Jack told him desperately. "It was not my intention to embarrass or humiliate you but to prove that I can keep my word and follow through. I treated you worse than nothing, you have no idea how much I regret that. There is truth in the saying you don't know how important something is until you lose it. I lost you Ianto. I took you for granted. I used you, I was blind. I've told everyone here nothing but the truth about you. You're a hard act to follow and they better not forget it because you are the standard I hold them up against. I have never worked with anyone who so willingly dedicated themselves to running Torchwood as you did. Hell it needs two full time staff to do what you managed to achieve."
He backed away a little in an effort to catch his breath as Ianto continued to glare at him as if he was mad. "When you walked out that door I pledged no employee would ever feel neglected to the point they had to leave. You ask Tosh or Owen, I've made those changes, I took everything on board you said....As for you and me let me prove my sincerity," he stuttered as he now pulled back. "That's all I'm asking. If after that you never wish to speak or see me again I will honour that but please just hear me out."
"It's all words Jack that's all you ever have is words. I sick of your words because I know behind those words there is no intent."
"Ianto what I am asking is to prove my sincerity."
"Fuck have I got stupid written on my forehead?"
"No one could ever call you stupid Ianto. I fucked up here not you. The fault is entirely mine. You told me last year I failed you as a lover, friend and as your boss. I see that you're hurt and I was the cause of all of that, my blindness, my stupidity lost you." He saw Ianto was staring at him making no move to leave so he continued.
"This is my proposal: we meet, you can choose the day or time. At any time you can call a halt, I will respect that and walk away. You and I will never meet or speak on anything other than a professional level again and if you decide even that's unacceptable I will do everything in my power to ensure our paths never meet again."
"We've been here before Jack. You promised when you came back that you would make me a priority in your life. I wasted months here hoping you would follow through but you never did and I haven't seen anything that would persuade me to believe anything would be different."
"Ianto I don't expect you to believe me."
"So why the hell are you asking?" Ianto said completely confused.
"I have something to offer. The only price is your time," Jack said quietly as he held Ianto's gaze.
"I gave you time, months of my time. I came here every day, waiting every moment, for some evidence I meant something to you, that you cared enough to put me first in even the tiniest fraction. I know now all the feelings were on my side, my mistake for falling for my boss," Ianto pointed out.
"Ianto, you didn't make any mistakes I did. If you had any feelings for me at all...afterward if you never wish to speak or see me again I will honour that, please just hear me out." He watched as he saw a host of emotions cross Ianto's face. When finally he looked up at Jack he looked into his eyes.
"I don't know, I need to think," he said breaking his gaze as he picked up his briefcase and headed back to the main area of the Hub.
"Get over here," Owen ordered as he saw a very dishevelled Ianto appeared.
Walking over Ianto loosened his tie as he joined Owen who was indicating he join him in the medical bay.
"We talked," Ianto said as explanation.
"We heard it up here," Owen commented double-checking he was okay.
"You should see Jack," Ianto pointed out.
"I can see him well enough," Owen said as Jack walked awkwardly across the Hub. Jack proceeded to his office, pulled out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses then headed to the sick bay. Ignoring the astonished faces of the staff who were gathered around Tosh's desk he placed the two glasses next to Ianto and began to pour a measure.
"Give me that," Ianto said snatching the bottle and taking a deep draft.
"Brilliant, let's throw alcohol into the mix," Owen snarked.
"Where are you staying tonight?" Jack asked as Owen now checked Ianto over. He sighed and shook his head at the pair of them.
"I'm staying at a local hotel near my aunt's house. I have to go and sort out some things and put it back on the market. I 'm meeting a builder there tomorrow," Ianto said, taking another drink of whiskey from the bottle then refilled Jack's now empty glass.
"When do you go back?" Jack asked quietly not daring to meet his gaze.
"Friday," Ianto replied as he gave Jack a long hard stare then he got up and started to leave. As he passed Jack he stopped. "I'll be at my Aunt's house from tomorrow onwards doing some tidying up," he said not looking at him. He made his way over to Tosh and asked to use her mobile to call a taxi.

***
Sincerity
Hearing a knock Ianto placed the paint brush he was using across the top of the paint tin and went and opened the front door. He saw it was Jack holding a cardboard holder with two coffee containers. Opening it wider he moved aside indicating he come in. Closing the door Jack followed Ianto into the hall area where he could see he was painting the stair banisters.
Turning he found Jack holding out a coffee.
"Black one sugar, dark blend," Jack said as he saw Ianto take a sip and nod his approval.
"You said you wanted to talk, so you had better start," Ianto started off as he saw Jack take a deep breath then take a drink from his own container.
"I said on Monday I wanted to earn a second change," he saw Ianto look at him and raise an eyebrow and take a breath followed by a sigh. "As you rightly said words mean nothing so I need to prove my sincerity," Jack said.
Ianto put down his coffee. Picking up the brush and dipping in the tin of white paint he continued to paint the banister he was working on before Jack had arrived. He braced himself for the same tactics; mostly grandiose promises and pleas Jack had used in the past, then boot him out the door. He knew there was only one outcome from today. Jack would know it was over once and for all.
"So to prove that sincerity you can ask me any question about my life and I will answer it," Jack told him. Ianto stopped painting then looked at him blinking.
"Any question?" Ianto asked startled he had expected something but not this.
"Any question about my life, any topic," Jack told him.
"And you will answer it just like that?" Ianto said disbelief tinging his voice as he now put the brush down and looked at him.
"Yes. I will answer any question, no matter how hard," Jack replied
"Any topic?" Ianto queried not sure he had heard correctly.
"There is no topic out of bounds, you can ask any question on anything about my life and I will answer it," Jack repeated honestly. "But it comes with a proviso that at the end I get to ask you five questions and you have to answer them as forthrightly as I have replied to you."
"Five questions? What sort of question?" Ianto asked suspiciously thinking Jack's offer sounded too good to be true.
"About you. I'm opening myself to you, one hundred precent no limit, no topic out of bounds, all I'm asking is at the end I get to ask you five questions," Jack explained.
"Okay, is there a limit on the number of questions?" Ianto queried narrowed his eyes thinking there had to be some catch.
"No you can ask as many questions as you like," Jack replied.
"And at the end of this if I ask you to walk away, you won't Retcon me so I forget you answers," Ianto double checked
"Yes, I mean no, I won't Retcon you, what would be the point?" Jack clarified.
"And what do you get out of this?"
"I get to earn my second chance," Jack told him. Ianto sealed the tin, banging it shut then placing the brush into a jar of water. He looked at Jack for several moments then indicated they should move into the now empty lounge.
Ianto settled himself down on the floor, his back against the wall, his legs stretched out on the hideous brown and orange 1970's carpet. Jack moved opposite him, the soles of their shoes almost touching. He sat waiting for what seemed an age as Ianto took sips of his coffee when he took a deep breath and looked at Jack.
"Okay, I want a list of every time you fucked Gwen," he asked bluntly.
"No," Jack replied immediately.
"No what?"
"I never fucked Gwen."
"You took her away for a weekend Jack. Are you telling me nothing happened?" Ianto snorted in disbelief.
"It was a conference, she was my PA. I took her out for dinner, we had a couple of dances that was it."
"Why the hell did you take her then? I mean you said all these things about us staying over an extra day making a long weekend of it. I know you stayed that extra day with her so are you asking me believe that nothing happened between you?" Ianto pointed out.
"I should have seen how important the weekend was to you. It was a working weekend, I did talk to you about it and you said you were okay with it. It was my mistake I failed to see..."
"That was not my question," Ianto interrupted. He saw Jack take a breath as he stopped mid-sentence.
"Okay I took Gwen because I knew there was this energy between us and when she made a case for going instead of you, I agreed," he answered slowly. "She acted as my PA, nothing happened before, during or after other than what you already witnessed."
"Not even a kiss?" Ianto asked to double check, not sure he believed him. "So what is it with you and Gwen then all these months?" Ianto said sarcastically.
"After you resigned I had to do some serious thinking about what happened between us. I came to understand that Gwen was someone who saw me as a larger than life hero. She's not unattractive and she is full of energy and she stroked my ego. At any time I could have fucked Gwen and walked away, because she had no power to hurt me. She may had demanded more of me but she would never have gotten it because all she would ever been was an office fling. The truth is Ianto, I've lived a long time, and I've lost a lot of people: friends, family, children, I loved and lost them all. What I'm saying is part of me knew you had the power to hurt me."
Ianto sat trying to hear Jack's explanation through his own understanding of the situation. If he understood what Jack was saying he had pulled Gwen closer because she had no power to hurt him but pushed Ianto away because he did.
"So once I was gone you never tried to take it further with her?"
"No she wanted to. She thought you had left because I had ended things with you to be with her, so I put her straight. I told her she could never make me happy and I was convinced I could never make her so," Jack admitted. "You can check with Tosh; I think she kept the CCTV footage of her slapping me across the face."
"Why?" Ianto asked thinking this was something he would like to see.
"Gwen is nothing to me other than someone who I employ," Jack replied simply.
Deep in thought Ianto thought about his next question and the night Jack had admitted he had taken his current name sometime in the past.
"Real name?"
"Jaxian Bosha," Jack replied without hesitation.
"Jaxian Bosha," Ianto repeated softly.
"Does the Doctor know your real name?" Ianto asked curiously.
"He only ever knew me by the name I go by now. You are the first person I have ever told since my days in the Time Agency. When I joined the Agency we chose a name to operate under to keep our true identities protected. The last person to say my real name was my mother, and now you," Jack said very quietly.
"I'm honoured," Ianto said sincerely as he looked at Jack. "John Hart said he was your partner was that true?" Ianto asked
"Yes, he was my partner as a Time Agent, my lover and when we went rogue we worked scams together," Jack replied.
"Were you really trapped for five years in a time loop?"
"Yeah," Jack snapped back a reply. "But it was a lot less fun than he made out," he added seriously.
"Did you love him?" Ianto asked.
"We lived a fast lifestyle, we always had each-others backs covered, we had sex, I was so young, so yes I think I did love him as much as anyone can love him," Jack replied.
"You travelled with the Doctor. How come you ended up getting stuck on the Earth? Have you really been here since 1868?" Ianto asked taking a sip of his now cold coffee.
Jack took a deep breath and answered in depth explaining how he met him and the events that led to his arrival here on Earth. This was followed by a question on how he had ended up in Torchwood; again he answered as fully as he could. All the time Ianto listened on without comment. There was a long paused as Ianto thought.
"Okay, you've been on Earth a long time, in all that time you must have family," Ianto commented.
"You need to frame that into a question," Jack told him.
"Okay, have you had a family or families?" Ianto asked
"My family in the 51st century was on the Boeshane Peninsula. We lived in a colony with my younger brother Gray, mother, and father." "On Earth, I have a daughter, Melissa Moretti, and a grandson Steven who I love very much. Her mother, Lucia Moretti, was a Torchwood operative in 1975. We tried to make it work but we split up in 1977. I stayed in contact but as she got older Lucia felt I was dangerous so she went into the witness protection programme, taking Melissa with her. It's only been in the past five years I've actually seen Melissa or Steven. Steven doesn't know I'm his grandfather, he thinks I'm his uncle." Jack took a deep breath and closed his eyes and began to speak very quietly, "I did have one other child with my first wife Laura but she died along with the baby in childbirth, in1892."
"That's incredibly sad," Ianto said thinking Jack's whole history was one of loss and sadness and it made sense of his earlier admittance.
"Why did you run off with the Doctor?" Ianto asked him after a few moments passed as Jack composed himself.
"I have this curse; I can't die. I was hoping he could fix me, give me an explanation, and find out why he had abandoned me in the Satellite Five. I needed answers," Jack replied strongly.
"Did you plan to return?" Ianto asked as Jack looked at him.
"The truth was I had no idea what I was going to do once I met up with the Doctor. If he could fix me then I could live a normal life, I had no specific plans. I mean my whole life had been on hold waiting. If he had been able to fix me I might have continued as his companion, truth was I had no idea."
"So you lied when you said you came back for us, me?" Ianto pointed out bluntly.
"No I did not lie; I came back for you, all of you. I had something happen to me that made me focus on what was important. It kept me going, made me take stock of my life and where I wanted to be," Jack told him.
"What happened to you? When you got back I could see it in your eyes something had occurred," Ianto asked more gently.
Letting out a breath he looked at Ianto. "Are you sure you want to hear this?" Jack questioned. Ianto nodded.
"Very well," he said. He began to speak and told him what his adventure had been, why he had run off, desperate for answers to cure his immortality and how this had led him to being captive on the Valiant at the hands of the Master at the end time being re-written. As he spoke Ianto was shocked at the extent of Jack's suffering and he put up his hand while Jack paused to compose himself, clearly deeply affected by the memories of his imprisonment and torture.
"I know you're not telling me everything," Ianto held up his hand again as she saw Jack was going to speak. "I don't want you to re-live this here today, I know you've said you will answer every question, but I'm saying right now you don't have to tell me any more about what happened. I can see what he did to you was cruel and hurt you in ways I can't begin to imagine or comprehend," Ianto told him compassionately
"He was very inventive," Jack said quietly.
"You survived, you came back," Ianto told him.
"I'm not sure I did, part of me died there, I was so screwed up when I got back. I just wanted to forget, thinking I could just throw myself back into work, carry on like before..." he drifted to nothing as he watched the effect of his words on Ianto as he remained silent as he looked down.
"Why do you want to so badly?" Ianto asked him.
"If I tell you Ianto you'll just think I spinning you a line. I will say this: losing you make me realise something, something I hadn't wanted to admit to myself because I had become so good at protecting myself from being hurt," Jack admitted.
"You said you would answer every question?" Ianto reminded him.
"I have answered your question. What I am saying is if I told you, you wouldn't believe me because they would be just words and I would rather prove to you how I felt and then tell you," Jack replied a desperate edge to his voice.
"I still want an answer," Ianto told him "My question was why do you want this so badly?" he repeated.
"Why do I want this so badly? Because...you are important to me. I know that's not the full answer. Look I want to answer your question, but this is not the right time or place, it's not that I don't want to. It's that the words will have no meaning for you. They would be empty, and if I ever get the privilege to say these words to you I want it to be in a time and place of far more significance, when they won't appear as a shallow ploy from a desperate man," he added the tone of his voice pleading Ianto to not dig any further.
"Do you have anything else you would like to ask?" Jack gently pushed after some time has passed and saw Ianto shake his head.
"You said that you have questions for me," Ianto braced himself as he saw Jack take a deep breath.
"If you had a single wish what would it be?" Jack gently requested.
As the words left his lips, Ianto looked at him with such longing it took his breath away. A few moments passed and it was replaced with a look of deep sorrow. Holding Jacks gaze he tried to take a breath and then closed his eyes to try to compose himself as a tear trickled down his face. Ianto brushed it away and he struggled to speak, failed, looked away, and tried again but found no words possible.
"Leave that one for now," Jack whispered at Ianto's reaction. "Biggest regret?" Jack requested. He saw Ianto wipe his face dry and take a breath.
"I wasn't enough," Ianto replied sadly.
"If you could have one other wish what would it be?" he asked. Ianto drew up his knees and put his head on them wrapping his arms around his legs. A long time seemed to pass before he replied.
"This is hard and I'm not sure how it's going to sound outside my own head. I always tried to be a considerate lover, putting my own needs aside to give whoever I'm with what they needed. If I had a wish it would be for someone to make love to me like I matter." He closed his eyes then spoke softly. "It would start with a kiss, a perfect kiss, then they would make love to me passionately, tenderly, and take care of my needs, without me having to care of theirs," he said. He saw a look of concern grow on Jack's face as he understood the importance of his statement.
"I only have two left," Jack said as he caught his breath in awe in the realisation what Ianto had given him without him even knowing and cursed that he had not seen the gift he had bestowed on him with every touch. "If you could choose someplace you would like to go to where would that be?" he questioned gently.
Ianto took a deep breath before answering. "I've always had this fantasy of going into space, or standing on some other planet and seeing something wondrous. Why are you asking me this Jack?" he asked, thinking of all the things Jack could ask this was kind of pointless.
"Ianto, I have learnt more about you in these four questions than in all the time I have known you and I only have one more. Is there any hope for me?" Jack asked become completely still as Ianto closed his eyes deep in thought.
He took a deep breath then looked at Jack. "I'm confused. I'm still not sure why you want this. I hear you say you can't answer that question right now and I respect that because you've answered all the others openly. What I don't understand is I never measured up before because you were always bragging and comparing me to some sexual conquest or exploit from your past. I can't see how things have changed, I haven't. So part of me is thinking you only want this because I'm the one who walked away."
Jack cringed at the remembrance of his bravado as Ianto continued.
"What about Gwen? In the back of my head there's this feeling that you only want me because you can't have her, so you want me by default and I can only ever come second."
"Ianto Jones you were never a consolation prize," Jack told him.
"Let's be honest here Jack, I can never be who you really want. I mean how can I ever compete with the ghosts of your past lovers, the Doctor, war heroes or flashy ex partners? Look at me: I'm just an overly obsessive, sophisticated filing clerk, who makes good coffee.
John Hart was right; I'm just eye-candy who looks good in a suit. I can't begin to imagine what it is you think I can offer you,"
"You have more to offer than you realise," Jack replied honestly.
"This is about trust Jack. What possible reason have I got to trust what you say?"
"I'm not asking you to trust me Ianto. What I'm asking is the opportunity to earn second chance. I was hoping this would be enough. Tell me what I need to do, say the word and I will do it," he said desperation tinging his voice.
Ianto cringed as he saw and heard his desperation, but his head was swimming with emotions. "I can't give you an answer now. I need to think, I need to get my head together. You said at any time I could call a halt and I think, and right now this the time to do this," he admitted. He saw Jack get up and stand.
"So when?" Jack asked his face long as he tried to contain his disappointment as Ianto opened the door for him
"I'll send you a text on my mobile. I promise it will be before I leave," Ianto said looking serious as Jack bit is upper lip and headed back to his car.

***
Reflections times two
Arriving back at the Hub Jack went straight back to his quarters and sat down on his bunk, deep in thought. Seeing Ianto at the wedding so unhappy combined with his own unhappiness had made him realise there was only one way forward: he needed to re-win Ianto's heart. To do so he had made a list of things he thought he had to correct; Lily, being the most glaring, was at the top of the list; followed by a demonstration that he believed Ianto was his equal in all things. Another had been to demonstrate that Ianto was valued. He pulled out the list and put it aside as he thought.
The list was his attempt to prove to Ianto how much he wanted him in his life. Each one could be ticked off like a mission, step one...step two...along the way he was kind of hoping something would happen and he could race in and save the day and put Ianto first. Alien tech gone wrong, or Ianto would get kidnapped and he could be the hero. Ianto would see how much he loved him and fall into his arms as his reward. He shook his head sadly at his delusions. Now he knew this was one hundred per cent wrong. What was required was for him to care for Ianto as a lover as Ianto had cared for him, he saw that now.
This realisation had come at the end of Ianto's reply to his second wish question. It had shaken Jack to his very core, shattering every illusion he had about their physical relationship. He had always thought that was the one thing that had been right. Sex with Ianto had been fantastic; now he knew why. How many times had he done him here? Had Ianto ever taken pleasure from any of their acts? It had always been fast, heated and rough just like Jack liked it, but there was no intimacy, sometimes they hadn't even kissed. Ianto never stayed afterwards so they had never even held each other, it had been clean up and go. Ianto had been willing he never said no and he had orgasmed so he must have taken some enjoyment, or had it all been just mechanical? He let out a deep breath as he peeled back another layer of his failed relationship with Ianto.
What had Ianto asked for was a perfect kiss and to made loved to like he mattered by someone who loved him and was focused entirely on his needs alone. Behind that was the unspoken acknowledgement that the person making love to him had this insight and could bestow this gift without him having to ask for it.
To win his second chance he needed to show Ianto he cared about him. Not with grand gestures, but in everyday things: texting, emails, turning up for lunch unexpectedly, putting him first, real dating, talking to each to other, moving forward in significant incremental steps, each one built on the emotional intimacy that comes with a relationship. Where to start? 'Start at the beginning,' he told himself, 'because that's what this was.' Looking around he made his first decision.
One thing was for sure he was never going to bring Ianto back here ever again. If he won his second chance then he was going to make sure he would have the correct space to bring Ianto back to. Something of his own, away from Torchwood where he could be himself. He had enough money tucked away to buy any major penthouse apartment in the city...he stopped and smiled to himself. Yeah, from one extreme to the other; no, he wanted something quiet and elegant, somewhere he would be proud to bring Ianto back to if they ever got that far.
He leaned back and pondered Ianto's reaction to his first question and his soul ached. Ianto needed no words to explain, Ianto wished Jack had loved him as much as he had loved Jack, but believed it was impossible. An unrequired love he could never obtain, mixed in with the belief he could never be enough and therefore he would always fall short of whatever was needed for Jack to love him.
He deliberated over what Ianto had revealed that he craved most: emotional and physical intimacy, gentleness, kisses, surprises, wonderment, and love. Jack let out a deep breath.
So this was a beginning. A beginning, that was what he had asked for. He took a breath. Ianto must love him very much to even consider this and he made a silent pledge that by the end Ianto would know how much he loved him back. That Ianto would never again doubt just how important he was in his life.
Ianto dipped the brush into the tin of paint and drew the brush down the wood of the door. He enjoyed this kind of task because the monotony gave him time to think. And he had a lot to think about.
Jack opening himself the day before had been as surprising as it had been unwarranted. How many times in the past had he prayed Jack would share something of himself, desperate for any evidence that Jack trusted him? This being evidence that Jack wanted more than a furtive shag against some wall in the Hub?
To be truthful when Jack made his offer he wanted to use the opportunity to put Jack on the spot and make him justify himself. However as the afternoon had progressed he had actually found he really felt for the man. He had never really thought about what it might be like to watch everyone around you age and die while you remained untouched.
The man had a grandson who never knew he was his grandfather. Another child died in childbirth. Then there was his relationship with the Doctor and the events to the year that never was.
He had endured a horrific amount of abuse, days upon days and then had come back as if nothing had happened. It put being run out on and left for four months nothing in comparison. What had Lily said? 'No matter how bad you think your life is, there is always someone out there worse off.'' He took a deep breath.
So where did that leave him? No matter what Jack had gone through Ianto still felt deeply hurt. He was still not convinced that yesterday was anything more than a grand gesture no matter how genuine its intent.
Well, chances were nothing would happen. Aside from Lily which he gave Jack full credit for he knew Jack was great at grand gestures but never followed through despite evidence to the contrary. He wasn't fooled for a moment; it would take more than one afternoon of show and tell to convince him that Jack meant anything by what he said. It was the little things that counted and Jack was appallingly bad at seeing the little things. It was like he was struck with a form of blindness. He groaned; what was really on offer, months of torture waiting by the phone? He put that thought aside. Jack said lots and did nothing.
Regardless of what Jack had said he knew Jack better than he realised. Jack was clueless to other people's needs; Ianto was living proof of that. So expect more grand gestures like Monday. He shuddered; or nothing.
Problem was he had moved on. After the wedding he had determined after months of moping about feeling sorry for himself to start being more social. He had made a start, with dog agility. Spud loved it and he had met a nice bloke, they met up for of doggy dates and even had gone out for a couple of drinks. They had kissed shyly and David wanted it to be more but Ianto had explained he was coming out of a painful relationship and needed time before he was ready for anything beyond friendship. David was such a nice man, not the best looking but handsome enough, everything Ianto was looking for: great sense of humour, intelligent, athletic, thoughtful and most of all kind, and sensitive even. What would be so bad about having a nice life with a nice someone? It would be a complete contrast to the constant drama of the past two years.
He dipped his brush and wiped off the excess paint against the lip of the tin. His head was swimming. He had to make a decision; he had to get his head straight. He felt he was being pulled in several different directions. What had he gotten himself into by agreeing to listen? He tried to recall what he had told Jack the day before. He could recall something about going off planet, seeing something wondrous. Even now he had to wonder where that had come from and he chuckled at the pun. Then he had said something about wanting to be kissed, and he slowed to dip his brush. The last time he had actually been kissed was David and it had been almost chaste. Ianto had pulled back before it had gone any further. He couldn't recall the last time with any accuracy he had had a sweet loving kiss. It must have been with Lisa because it certainly wasn't Jack.
Jack didn't kiss beyond an open mouthed crash full of haste to get to the main event. He hated it, because he loved being kissed and kissing; savouring the moment, tasting each other, allowing the heat to build along with slow lingering touches leading to making love with gentle passion.
He shivered at the thought of someone running their hand over him exploring his body, savouring every moment to build up the sense of anticipation and in his fantasies that always led to his most favourite thing. In his dreams and fantasies it was a blow job he craved, wet heat being sucked down, the whole thing was toe-curlingly erotic. The idea of being drunk down, the tongue exploring, taking him ever deeper, then coming and having someone take down every drop. Well if there was one thing he understood was Jack didn't do intimacy and doing this was about the most intimate act Ianto could imagine.
Lisa had given it a go but had not been that keen so he had not asked her again. Jack had given him a few but it seemed to involve getting him off as fast as possible. Mostly it was hand jobs or their topping each other. Mostly Jack topping him, if he recalled. All they had had was hard and fast shagging with Jack coming first, then finishing off Ianto with a few pulls. It was all over so quickly, perfunctory even. The frustration wasn't just that it was rough and too fast, he wanted to make love to Jack. Sometimes he had ached to just hold him in his arms, but it was clear Jack was one of those people who didn't see or understand mutual pleasure as being important. His enduring memory of sex with Jack was it hurt, made him sore and left him incredibly frustrated at not being able to share any form of closeness.
So the question was if he gave Jack his opportunity to earn his second chance would they just fall back into what had been? He paused; maybe this was a bad idea on top of a multitude of bad ideas. Could he go back to just meeting Jack needs, without ever being able to get what he wanted? He snorted, well if there was ever a metaphor for what they had in the past then it was him giving everything with nothing in return.
This was partly his own fault. He had loved Jack so much, he had wanted to give him what he needed. As Jack had withdrawn he had been so scared of losing even that he had kept quiet. Compounding this was Jack's bragging about his sexual exploits. There were times when he had felt so inadequate, how could he compete with acrobatic twins or a being who could mind meld and give you an orgasm that lasted a day? God this was mad, what the hell was he thinking? He might love Jack and always would. He needed to face the hard fact that Jack did not truly want him. Maybe he just wanted to prove he could win him over a third time as a challenge. He bristled at the thought of that's all he was.
Then there was Gwen. Jack's declaration was one thing, believing it was another. He was certain they had been having an affair, all evidence suggested they were, the weekend just confirmed it. Even now he was not sure he could put into words the hurt of being put aside for her. It was too big. Her jubilation and behaviour on their return made it clear to him what had happened. Why stay over the extra day if they hadn't? If there was nothing going on they would have returned on the Sunday.
That one act had thrown into sharp relief the reality of this situation. The reality was Jack was never going to be able to give him the one thing he actually wanted. He wanted a relationship; something real, long lasting, and exclusive. He thought of David, from their conversation he had hinted that's what he was looking for. Jack would never give up Torchwood, he couldn't see Jack walking away to be with him. Most likely he'd expect him to come back down here. Ianto shook his head, not going to happen. He liked where he was now; in fact he loved it. He stopped, but he loved him, but was love enough?
He stopped. Love was not enough, and it hadn't been before he was sure it wouldn't ever be enough in the future. He needed to move on. Jack had had his chance. He began to punch in his message. He took a deep breath as he read over the message. Jack had said he would walk away and he would respect that, but was this what he really wanted? He closed his eyes. Jack was never going to see the little things, nor how they fitted into the big picture. He was blind to other people's needs, only centred on making sure his own needs were looked after. The phrase 'self-absorption' flashed across his mind. In all of their months together he couldn't recall a moment when Jack had once put himself out for him. So staying with Jack meant more pain, and frustration on every level, when he had the chance of being with someone who he might actually be able to build a future with. And if David wasn't that person there must be someone who was. He pressed 'send' on his mobile then pulled back to steel himself for the task ahead because it meant burning every bridge till there was no way back. He had to ensure Jack understood this was over, but doing so meant he would hurt Jack like no other because he had that power and Jack would hate him.

***
The Awful Truth
Walking with nervous energy Jack approached the door. He had a horrible sinking feeling he knew what Ianto was going to say. His hand had barely touched the door when it opened and Ianto stood back to let him in. Following he led him to the lounge from the day before.
Indicating Ianto suggested they sit, but Jack shook his head. "I have a feeling I need to stand for this."
"Yesterday you opened yourself to me, and in honour of that I am going to be as open with you as you were to me." Ianto left out a huge breath then took in a very deep one.
"We never had much, even what we did was uncomfortable. I never knew where I stood with you. I had to watch you have an affair with a complete stranger; not only did you have a slow dance, you kissed each other in front of a whole dance floor full of people. Yet you wouldn't even touch my hand in public. The one time I tried you pulled your hand away like it was burnt." He felt the words catch in his throat.
"Then within days you ran off without a word. I know you've explained and I understand, but I've been thinking; why you couldn't just have told me? I don't think I'm that unreasonable that I wouldn't have understood." He saw Jack start to speak and he put up his hand. "Please let me finish I need to say this in one go."
"I hear the sincerity and how much you want a second chance, but what we had was fucked up on every level. This was partly my fault because I loved you so much that I was scared of losing what little we did have. I hear what you want, but for the first in a long time I decided to look about this from what I want."
"What I want is a life, Jack, filled with the boring everyday intimate things people do. Supermarket shopping, sending stupid texts to each other, sharing funny emails, going for walks, holding hands, talking to each other, going on a mini break, buying a bed, moving into together, kissing, making slow passionate love, waking up, sharing breakfast, setting up a home, arguing what colour the kitchen should be, sitting at home eating a curry and watching some stupid movie curled up on a sofa with my head on your shoulder, your arms around me or vice versa, and deep down you know that is not you, you don't do exclusive and you don't to domestic. Because whether or not you want to admit it, I was just a body to fuck, and I realised I don't want that, not that I ever wanted that."
"Sex was always on your terms. I guess it never occurred to you I might like to slow things down and we make love to each other. You never allowed me the opportunity or the space, so I couldn't share how much I really cared for you and I think that sums it up Jack. You just wanted to have sex and I wanted to make love. I was always left feeling you didn't want me to share that with you. And to tell you the truth I never understood why you never wanted to kiss or even allow us to just hold each other, so it comes back to that not wanting any intimacy thing you have and I can't do that anymore." He took a deep breath before he continued as he saw Jack was standing stock still so he continued.
"I guess the hardest thing in all of this was knowing that I was just one of a number in a long line of sexual exploits..."
"That's unfair," Jack interjected knowing he had never kept his past sexual history a secret.
"I don't blame you for that. I accepted with eyes wide open that you had this long sexual history. But for me you were the first man I ever slept with. I came into this with zero experience, and at times I felt completely out of my depth. As I was thinking over the past day, I realised that to you I was this naive stupid young man who was filling some need for you, and I can't go back to you just fucking me."
"I tried sometimes to get up the courage to speak but then you would go off on one of your 'I remember this one time tales' about some being with orifices or with tentacles and how fantastic it was. Each time I just died a bit inside, thinking you were just using me and the reason you didn't want to do anything else was because I wasn't worth putting in the effort to show me anything beyond what you wanted because that's all I was there for." Jack looked at him in horror at the effect his bragging had caused and he brushed a tear away at each new revelation as he realised Ianto truly believed that all he was to him was a body.
"Then I thought about what might happen if we did get back together. Torchwood precludes any long distance relationship and I can't ever see you giving up something you worked one hundred years towards. That means I would have to give up a job I really love to come back here. What I want would get put aside again. And I'm sick of coming in second all the time. I love what I'm doing, I'm working for people who truly respect my efforts. I've been allowed to set up, organise from the ground up, and be head of something I care passionately about. So what I am saying is I can't see you wanting to change your life to be with me, all the change would be on my side."
"So what I 'm trying to say is enough is enough. I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but I've met someone, nothing spectacular but it's a possibility and I want to explore that possibility. It's a chance I haven't had for a long time. I can't tell what it's like just being able to sit down with someone and actually talk over a drink about something stupid we saw on television or just go for a walk and have a real conversation. It's time to move on."
"You said you loved me," Jack said almost sobbing as he struggled to absorb everything Ianto was telling him, his mind swirling as he came to fully understand the true depth of his selfishness.
"The only reason I put up with so much was because I loved you. And you are not totally to blame for this. I accept my part, that I didn't speak out. How could you change if you didn't know there was a problem? In a sense I'm being unfair, because I'm blaming you for not seeing. But I never spoke out, and I should have but it's all too late for that now."
"There really is nothing I can do, is there?" Jack heard himself ask. Ianto shook his head.
"You want the brutal truth?" Ianto asked him.
"More brutal that you've been?" Jack burst out barely able to contain how he felt.
"Do you want the truth or not?" Ianto saw Jack nod his reply.
"You and I were over the moment you took Gwen on that conference. It took me a long time to recognise the actual moment. I now know that that was the point of no return for me. I put so much hope into that weekend and when you took her...it's a hurt I don't think I can recover from."
"Nothing happened Ianto, I swear," Jack told him.
Ianto ignored his outburst. "I watched the pair of you for months, all the time telling myself I was being overly sensitive, or I was misreading the signs because I didn't want to believe it. When you took her I could no longer lie to myself." He felt his control slipping as he looked at the ceiling. "I think the worst for me was that look on her face knowing she knew she had won."
"She didn't win..." Jack tried to interject.
"Yes she did, they all did, because I have something fundamentally missing that gets your attention. I know I don't have it Jack, because god knows I tried, first I thought I would just be there for you to just listen, but you never confided in me. Then I thought I would take care of you, make sure you were looked after. So I tried to become the best assistant you ever had, I worked twice as hard to make sure you weren't overwhelmed by all the boring day to day stuff. And still you didn't take any notice. I did everything I could to be there for you in every possible way but it was never enough Jack. Not in the field, in your bed or your life," he said tears running down his face.
"You gave too much," Jack tried to say overwhelmed by Ianto's words.
"That's love... the difference between you and me was I treated you the way I did because I loved you all you knew how to do was say the right words and press the right buttons to get your needs met."
"I am so sorry Ianto..." Jack said stricken as he witnessed the depth of Ianto's hurt.
"I don't need your pity. I fell for it. I take full responsibility that I built something in my mind from your words that didn't exist but I'm not going to fall for it a third time. I'm not going to be your challenge to prove you can reel me in again," Ianto replied angrily.
"That's not it Ianto. Please, that is not why I'm here..." Jack shook his head
"Yes it is. Whoever you need it's not me, I've proven that. You need someone who can flatter your ego like Gwen, or someone you can respect like the real Jack Harkness."
"I do respect you...you are who I want, need... they never saw me for who I am..."
Ianto put up his hand to stop him. "If you respected me you would never have set me up like you did on Monday. Or put me on the spot. You made me look a complete fool in front of your team," Ianto told him bluntly as Jack looked completely crestfallen. "It's over."
"It's really over," Jack said as he fought to breathe.
"It's over because there was nothing there to begin with other than some fantasy I created in my own mind about building a life with you."
"It's not a fantasy. There would be no one else. We could work on the sex issue, so we both... I don't want this to be over, please I will pledge to you that I would do better, we could build a life ..." Jack stumbled over his words.
"That's the problem Jack; it's all about you, what you want, what you need. I tell you now we have no future because you can't see what I want and need. And I do have needs Jack, not that you ever saw and are still blind to them. I'm empty, I have nothing more to give you. You took everything I had. Even now I don't think you have any idea how much you hurt me in regards to Gwen and all the others. It's like I have this burning pain in my chest just thinking about it."
"You're saying I'm shallow, selfish, self-absorbed, and I have no real understanding of how much pain I caused you," Jack replied trying to speak
"What did you think would happen? We could sit down and you could explain all this away? That somehow I would take you on your word and we then continue on as before? Because I can't, Jack, I can't go back to being invisible while you carry on playing Captain Jack Harkness. Some hurts are too big to overcome. There is a part of me that will always love you, you saved me after Lisa and I can never thank you for what you did for Lily. You gave me closure in a way I never expected."
"Ianto, there is so much I want to say here..." Jack tried to interject.
"We're back to what you want," Ianto pointed out.
"I'll leave then and I will keep my promise. I will do whatever is in my power to make sure I keep out of your way," Jack said heading for the door. As he reached it he turned to face him. In one move he wrapped his arms around Ianto and kissed him. Not a kiss filled with lust and heat but love, heartfelt passion, and despair. Pulling back they held each other for a moment when Jack pulled apart and left closing the door behind him.
"Good bye," Ianto said sliding his back down the wall. Wrapping his arms around his legs he buried face in his arms.

***
The Impossible dilemma.
Her head on Mickey's chest Martha, let out a huge sigh as they stretched on the sofa in their flat.
"What the hell are we going to do?" she asked.
"I just want to smash their heads together," Mickey said taking Martha's hand and kissing it.
"I mean the pair of them have taken suffering to a whole new level," Martha added
"Jack's in Cardiff, doing the worst 'I'm fine without him' act in history, with every bloody conversation I have with him ending with a multitude of questions about how Ianto's doing. Last time I told him he should go up and find out for himself, and he went all quiet and pouted," Micky said.
"And the other one is misery incarnate, pretending he didn't make the worst mistake of his life," Martha continued "Well how do we solve the 'I've lost him because I was a selfish, insensitive jerk', against, 'I lost him because I burnt all my bridges', dilemma?"
"I don't know. But I don't think I can handle another evening of 'I said things I shouldn't have, I blamed Jack for everything, there's no way back for me speech'," he said, imitating Ianto's regretful tone.
"I thought the wedding was bad enough with the pair of them sitting alone throwing glances at each other when the other wasn't looking," Martha said. "I wanted to scream at Jack 'Oh for Christ sake kiss him'."
"Bloody pathetic, if we put them together they would only ignore each other," he narrowed his eyes
"The pair of them; martyrs to their own stubbornness. I can see it now: Ianto on some cliff, all windswept, his hand to his forehead saying 'my heart is breaking I've lost him," Martha said with an exaggerated air. "With Jack standing on the roof of the tallest building in Cardiff watching him saying, 'I've lost the love of my life, all I can do is watch from a distance."
"Jack's gone all noble, keeping out of Ianto's life. I told him that he's on his own now that David had to leave and go back to New Zealand. Do you know what he said? He said, 'Well then I hope he finds someone who loves him as he deserves to be loved'. I said look just go up there, take him out for coffee, lunch anything, you could be surprised," Martha explained. "Do you know what Jack said? 'I can't, the last thing I did was make him a promise. It's all I have left.' Grrrr," she growled. "I wanted to slap him."
Mickey took a sharp in breath, "I told Ianto; look, you were hurt, you were angry, when you're hurt and angry you say things that you wouldn't normally say. It was too soon; Jack should have put in some ground work first then asked for his second chance. He replied, 'He hates me, why would he give me a second chance when I laid all the blame on him?' I wanted to shake him."
"We could maroon them on some desert island for a week," Mickey suggested after several moments had passed.
"Oh that wouldn't work; Jack would sit at one end and Ianto at the other pretending the other didn't exist, feeling sorry for themselves," Martha said.
"I agree. It wouldn't work, they would just get angry at us and still ignore each other," Mickey said.
"What we need is to put them somewhere, where it's impossible for them to ignore each other. They'll have to interact; something public, preferably neutral, and both are forced into acknowledge the other and work together. Something unexpected, where neither of them should know the other is coming. First time they meet should be a room full of people, they can't leave because it would be impossible for some reason," Martha said thinking out loud.
"Enough time's passed, they've both had time to think about what they really want, and we both know they want each other," Mickey added. "I was hoping maybe you could talk to the Doctor and arrange to have Ianto kidnapped and Jack could get all heroic and rescue him," Mickey suggested.
"That wouldn't work. Jack would rescue Ianto, who would then storm off shouting: 'How dare you rescue me, don't you think I can rescue myself?" Martha pointed out.
"Oh god you're right," Mickey said.
A few moments passed as they both thought.
Martha sat bolt upright, "I've got it!" she burst out.
The solution: Ianto
Standing as far back as he could towards the back of the room Ianto looked around the large room. He could not understand what he was doing here. The room was full of uniforms with coloured bars across their chests; and men in serious suits and women in equally serious business wear. Not that he looked out of place, he was advised to dress to his best so had used the suit he had worn during his Aunt's birthday evening. He took a sip from the excellent cup of coffee he had helped himself to. He was feeling hungry even though he had eaten recently and realised it was most likely his body clock telling him it was a meal time. He looked across at the table laid out with cups, two coffee urns and large selection of donuts of every shape and size. His stomach growled again and he wondered if he should grab one but then decided against it, in case some of the contents or icing sugar ended up on him. Normally he would tuck in a tea towel into his collar before tackling food in his best suit, or any suit for that matter, but this group of high flyers didn't look like the tea towel tucking kind of crowd.
He felt the large corporate folder he had been given slip from under his arm, and he hitched it up. He had had a quick look through the contents and it had only served to confuse him and he was sure his being here was a total mistake. He had been told to wait here in this room and the other delegates would meet him. He looked down at his name tag, which said 'Ianto Jones UK'. He had had a quick scan of the other tags on people's chests as he had passed and couldn't see any with UK on them. So he was in the dark, in a country he had only ever seen on television or films, at some kind of important gathering on his own.
He looked up and saw a familiar face that waved out to him and moved to join him.
"Ianto you made it," Martha Jones said with delight kissing his cheek. "How was the flight? You got picked up from the airport aright? How's your room?" she blurted out several questions in a row.
"Never travelled business class so was great, man with a sign at airport picked me up and dropped me off at the hotel, room's amazing, bath the size of a swimming pool," he told her.
"You've registered I take it?" she said indicating the folder under his arm.
"Yeah, handed this massive folder and name tag," he pulled it out from under his arm to show it to her and indicated to the tag on his chest noting hers which read 'Martha Jones –Smith UK'.
"Left my folder in my room," she told him. "I got here about an hour ago, had a quick look of the contents then. Since then I've been trying to find the other delegate, he should be here," she told him as she now scanned the room which was now filling as more people entered and headed for the coffee table or stopped to greet people they knew.
"Can you tell me what this about? What am I doing here?" Ianto asked.
"What did Archie, sorry, head of Torchwood House tell you?" she queried interested to see exactly what story Archie had made up.
"All he told me was to grab my passport, pack for five days, and make sure I wore my best suit. Next thing I'm on a flight to New York," he told her.
"This is a conference representing multiple agencies from the United States and the United Kingdom, to discuss co-ordinated inter agency co-operation in relation to xeno-bioforms. Basically it's how we organise information exchanges, and personnel pertaining to human and alien threats and or visitors," she explained.
"I kind figured that from the information I read in the folder. What I asking is, why am I here? Am I acting as some kind of PA?" Ianto asked her.
"God no, you're a delegate representing the United Kingdom. This is a think tank as much as anything. Although these events tend to turn into a talk fest, we will get to participate, report and recommend ideas, processes, and improvements," Martha explained. "There is an expectation that recommendations made stemming directly from this conference will enable agencies like Torchwood and UNIT to assist the CIA for example to be directly involved in alien contact in the United States and the United Kingdom and vice versa."
"There must be some mistake. I just work in the archives," he pointed out.
Martha looked at him she could never understand why Ianto was so quick to deny any of his obvious talents. "Ianto, you've worked for Torchwood One, Three and Torchwood House, You survived the attack on Canary Wharf. You are Head of the Alien Artefacts Project as well as creating a data base to record and catalogue aliens encountered and you've been a field operative who has directly been involved with aliens and you have met the Doctor," she explained to him. "I would say that make you the perfect delegate and unlike many of the others here you've had firsthand experience with first contact." She shook her head slightly, and felt like rolling her eyes at his obvious discomfort and she knew it was because he always tried to keep in the background.
"So I'm part of delegation," Ianto said feeling more relieved. 'Great' he thought, 'I am going to be just one of a group, so I'll take notes, write reports, and listen.' That he could handle.
"So how many of us are there?" he asked after a few moments had passed.
"Three," Martha replied, cautiously looking around to see if she could spy Jack.
"Three groups," Ianto checked out. That sounded ever better; he was part of much bigger contingent. Good, he could fade into the background.
"No, there are three of us in our delegation," she explained.
He nodded. "And how many other delegations are there?"
"Well there are about 40 countries here..." Martha started to explain, but Ianto interrupted her.
"No I meant how many groups are representing the UK?"
"I don't understand?" she queried as she creased her forehead.
"Well you said there were three groups how many in each group?" he said as he saw she understood.
"The UK delegation is made of three..." she start to explain but Ianto interrupted her again
"I understand there are three UK groups..." he saw Martha smile and shake her head.
"We are the UK delegation; me, you and one other," she explained as saw the implications grow on his face as it now fell.
"What!" Ianto burst out. "Representing the United Kingdom? I'm here as a United Kingdom representative, representing the United Kingdom, here in New York," he said and the room swirled as he came to grips with the implications.
"Yes," Martha nodded, trying to keep the amusement of her face at his reaction. "You are here to represent the interests of the 62 million people of England, Northern Ireland, Wales and Scotland," she emphasised so he fully understood. He went pale.
"Oh god," Ianto groaned as he struggled to come to terms with the situation.

***
The Solution: Jack
Exiting the lift, Jack followed the signs to the meeting area. He had already picked up his conference package, dropped it along with his suitcase in his room. He was on the look-out for Martha who had also been dragged into this charade. He hated these events being a veteran; he had respectfully requested he not be included. However it had been argued that his attendance was mandatory, the recommendation coming from the highest possible source. In a fit of pique he had demanded who it was but all he got was they were not allowed to divulge their source and he had to attend. He felt sour, dragged here, forced to sit with individuals he had long lost respect for, discussing redundant points of order equivalent with should we move the bookcase one foot to the left or to the right or should it stay where it was. After the last conference he swore he would never attend another one again.
He looked over heads and around shoulders, nodding a greeting where indicated and pointedly ignoring others when he stopped, the person following almost colliding into him as he came to a halt. His mouth went dry and his heart raced in his chest and a faint sheen of sweat broke out on his forehead as he headed to the side of the room.
He observed Martha and Ianto deeply absorbed in a conversation. Ianto was standing trying to balance a cup of coffee and keep a huge folder under his arms. Ianto must be the other delegate, or was he here for some other purpose? He pulled out the folded paper from his pocket with the list of all the delegates. He found the UK delegate section. His name was there but Ianto's were missing; only Martha was included and the other line was TBA.
What if Ianto was the TBA? He felt the urge to bolt. He had kept his promise to the letter, done everything in his power to ensure he had kept out of his way. He had done so for one reason: it was the only point of honour he had left.
He felt a flush of shame as he recalled Ianto's words that last afternoon. It had been a truth telling like no other. And like all truth telling's it was painful to hear. He didn't blame Ianto for his words, because he had said nothing but the truth. He was selfish, self-absorbed, and neglectful, and certainly didn't do domestic and had never contemplated leaving Torchwood Three. He was a braggart so caught up in his own sexual prowess he had forgotten that it was Ianto's first same sex relationship. He had made Ianto feel inadequate by his bragging, making him feel worthless and using him shamelessly, never once considering what Ianto might need from him. And maybe, just maybe, there was some truth in the fact he saw winning Ianto over for third time as a challenge. Compounding this was he had an affair in all but in name leaving Ianto deeply wounded. Along with all the others he could understand why Ianto had come to believe that Jack would never be faithful. On top of all this was the knowledge that Ianto had loved him and given him everything he had.
At the end of that conversation all he had left was the promise he made and now he was about to break it. On the other hand he couldn't go any lower in the man's estimation but he did wish he could show how much his words and honesty had changed him. He had left that day, returned to the Hub and spent the remainder of the day writing down everything he could recall Ianto had said to him along with a list of every promise he had broken. On completion he had packed his bags and left, not returning until weeks later.
During his time away he had gone through every sentence, phrase and point no matter how painful and examined each and every one of them against his past behaviour under the harsh light of day. He had come to some startling conclusions and done some serious re-evaluations about his life. Working through the wreckage he had put himself back together.
The problem was, and his heart thundering in his chest agreed, was being in the same room with a man he ached to be with and prove he was capable of the relationship Ianto deserved. It was one thing to be hundreds of miles apart; another to be thrown into each other's company for five days. 'Oh god five whole days.' He had to find a way to escape, there had to be a way out. What was he supposed to do, he could hardly leave, and part of his brief was to report back directly the Prime Minister's office and the Queen's representative in person. Too late he saw that Martha had seen him and was beckoning him across. Swallowing, he stepped forward.
"Jack," Martha squealed giving him a kiss on the cheek. Ianto's eyes widened and his jaw dropped as Jack joined them dressed in more formal attire than his normal RAF coat.
"It's good to see you," Jack said hesitantly as Ianto held his gaze. "I'm just going to get a coffee want a refill?" he offered. Not sure of what to say Ianto handed his cup over thinking if there was ever a need for coffee it was right now.
"How did this happen? Jack's here! We're here together, him and me, five days!" Ianto hissed as he tried to control the panic rising in his chest even as his eyes followed Jack across the room.
"The third delegate dropped out at the last minute due to a family emergency. I only found out you were the replacement until after I was on my way and I was given an updated list," she rattled out her prepared explanation handing over the information she been handed which clearly stated all three names.
"Martha you don't understand...," he started to explain in desperation.
"Oh I think I do," Martha interrupted knowingly as she watched the man become unhinged. He looked like he might bolt, but knew the situation was he couldn't because he was representing the United Kingdom and his presence was required and tried to keep the innocent look on her face she had adopted.
"Look I hurt the man, I said things; terrible things, they were unforgivable," he tried to explain as Jack re-joined them and he looked up and found he was being handed a coffee.
"I haven't had a look at the hand out, what are we up for tonight?" Jack checked as he handed over Ianto's refilled cup. "Black one sugar right?" he double checked as Ianto nodded and took a sip not able to keep his eyes off him, their gazes locked.
"According to the schedule of events there's a welcome followed by a buffet meal and basic get together, opening speeches and introductions tonight." Martha looked between the pair lost in each other. She looked at her watch. "Starting in about five minutes, once that's finished the next event is breakfast at seventy thirty tomorrow morning after which we all head off to our respective sessions," she explained wondering if either of them had heard.
"Sorry you were saying?" Ianto said as he tried to he pull his attention back to Martha.
"Could you repeat that," Jack requested as Martha repeated her earlier statement as she watched the pair throw furtive looks at each other.
"Reading between the lines we're here to suggest ways to deal with first contact situations so before we retire tonight we need get together and discuss how we're going to manage this. If this is anything like the last one we will need to find a way to summarise information in a coherent manner," Jack said moving in slightly closer towards Ianto.
"Agreed," Martha said.
"I'm new to this so any guidance is much appreciated," Ianto added looking at Jack as he heard a bell ring and large door opened.
"Where do we meet if we get separated?" Martha asked.
"I hesitate to offer, I don't want this to seem like I planned it," Jack said still looking at Ianto, 'but I've cleared my room of bugs." He leaned over. "I mean of the electronic kind so we can talk without being heard, but I'm open to any where you might suggest otherwise."
"I'm okay with that," Ianto replied quickly nodding as Jack looked relieved and Martha stifled a smile.
Ianto handed over the electronic notepad he had been given as part of the registration package to Jack. Laying it beside the one Martha had also just handed over.
Reaching into his pocket Jack pulled out a small device and with practiced ease wiped it carefully over each pad then smiled.
"We're clear," he said, looking at both Ianto and Martha.
"Ianto I know this seems a bit over the top, so I'll explain. This is a top security conference; there will be some sessions where information shared will be highly sensitive but we have to be able to record information, summarise each discussion, note interesting points, and jot down our own ideas and so on. The screen is writable and can translate written words to type face or you can type into it. We need to keep a summary of what is discussed because our recommendation will appear in the conference report. This report will be the official report that will go back to each respective party involved," Jack explained.
Martha took over. "In our case it will go to UNIT, the Queen's representative for Torchwood and current Government liaisons for UNIT, Torchwood and the Department for Alien Affairs," she told him. Ianto raised his eyebrows as Jack handed him back his pad.
"Our last day here will be to formulate recommendations, and the powers to be's responsibility will be to ensure they are followed through within reason," Jack explained thinking normally this involved some minor adjustment of no great importance, but this was Ianto's first taste of this sort of thing and if nothing else he could make it as enjoyable as possible.
"So anything I recommend that's in the report gets done?" Ianto checked out trying to get his head around the idea that someone might actually take note of something he had come up with. Both Martha and Jack nodded.
"Within reason and if it's politically expedient," Martha added as Ianto he indicated he understood.
"Right now there's the CIA, British Secret Service, and UNIT to name just three here all of them have competing agendas and they will have no idea what each group of delegates will recommend until it appears in the final report," she added.
"I don't understand," Ianto told her.
"We put forward our recommendations on the final afternoon. We hand them in in secret; they are then compiled with the overall general report which summarises each session of the conference, which is then forwarded on. It means no one gets to see what we hand over," Martha said.
"Why go to all this trouble?" Ianto asked.
"It's the only way to ensure undue pressure is not put on delegates and ensures that there is a free flow of ideas without influence," Martha told him
"That's not to say they won't try," Jack added thinking it was all so petty but each respective party and participating governments didn't see it that way.
"The best way is to access the electronic note pads. I've just made it impossible for them to download any information from any of our pads and I've ensured there is the one room that we can talk freely in." He looked to check Ianto was okay with this. "But I'm happy if we use Martha's room if your uncomfortable using this one," he added quickly.
"No I'm okay with it. It's like being in a James Bond film," Ianto commented. Jack went to touch his arm in relief then realised what he had doing, stopped and pulled his hand away with extreme reluctance.
"And now to make sure none of your conversation aren't overheard outside this room," he said taking off his tag and pulling out the same pen as Martha and Ianto followed suit.
Ianto watched with fascination, as Jack attached a device the size of a full stop to each tag.
"Care of Tosh, this is something she developed to create a white noise effect which makes it impossible to hear any speech within an area approximately two feet in diameter."
Holding out the tag Martha took hers and put it back on. "I'm not sure about you but I'm off to bed," Martha told them both as she picked up her note pad and went to leave. "I'll see you two at breakfast." Ianto gave her the thumbs up and left so quickly Ianto was left on his own.
The door closed and Jack felt he had to say something.
"I'm not sure how to say this but I didn't set this up. I made a promise I would keep out of your way. If I had known you were involved I would have pulled out. I know how difficult it is for you to be placed on the spot...I don't want you to think..." he told Ianto who was looking serious and raised his hand to interrupt.
"I know, Martha filled me in. I was a last minute replacement and she had no idea I was a delegate either," he said as Jack looked relieved. "It's good to see you," he added as Jack looked at him in surprise.
"Yeah?" he checked out.
"Yeah," Ianto replied slowly. After a few moments Ianto started feeling uncomfortable in the silence that followed. "Been a long day, I'll think I better head off too," Ianto said reluctantly as he picked up his folder. As he did Jack picked up Ianto's tag and carefully pinned it on Ianto's jacket and patted it down, his fingers lingering then running them down the inside of his lapel.
"Thank you," Ianto said softly as he leaned into Jack's touch, realised what he was doing then pulled away.
"Good night," Jack said gently opening the door.
"Good night," Ianto hesitantly as if he wanted to say something but then turned and left heading to his own room.
Closing the door Jack put his hand on it and let out a deep sigh.

***
Persuasion
Dinner
Paying attention to her meal and trying to avoid joining in any conversation between the pair in the hope they would talk to each other Martha looked up when Ianto stood and excused himself heading towards the toilets. Jack watched his retreating back.
"Oh for God's sake Jack, do something," she burst out as Jack spun round and drew his attention reluctantly back to her.
"Sorry?" he said clearly distracted.
"Do-some-thing," she hissed at him slowly
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said picking up a spoon.
She stared at him as he started to eat his dessert. "Right, so the longing looks you throw every time he enters or exits a room and when you think he's not looking or the way you constantly ensure he gets everything he needs ..."
"Alright I get it, what do you suggest? He's made it very clear how he feels about me." He saw Martha fold her arms at his statement.
"So the way he looks at you and stands as close as he can without it appearing he's trying to stand close as he can, hasn't caught your attention. Or last night the way he handed back the pen you dropped."
"He just handed me my pen back Martha no big deal."
"Were we in the same room? You dropped your pen, he picked it up, he held it out and I swear to god the pair of you looked at each other for 20 seconds as you both held on. You had to say 'you can let go now' as your fingers brushed each other. The pair of you then became incredibly coy about it. You looked at me and said 'sorry where were we?' It couldn't be more cliché if this was a romance novel."
"Okay so it was a friendly pen pick up, give it back moment, no big deal," he said as she looked at him down her nose until he became uncomfortable.
"Jack!"
"What the hell do you suggest?" he retorted.
"Tomorrow is a half day, why don't you offer to take him to see the sights? There must be some places he would like to see and then you could both go out to dinner," she hinted as she saw him squirm.
"I thought of that too but we're working so well together I don't want to jinx it."
"Jack he's in New York, America, for the first time in his life. He's so conscientious, knowing him it hasn't crossed his mind he should bunk off for the afternoon and go sightseeing," she took his hand as she saw his reluctance.
"Do it!" she said squeezing his hand as Ianto now came back to join them as she glared at Jack in an effort to get him to say something.
"Half day tomorrow," Ianto said as he sat down and pulled the cracker board towards him.
"Err yeah... we have...I was thinking...maybe... we... never mind," Jack said as Martha rolled her eyes and felt like banging her head on the table. They both fell silent as Jack added a slice of Ianto's favourite cheese on to Ianto's plate then went and poured him another cup of coffee.
Half Day
Being as polite as he could Ianto turned leaving the room where the current session had been held and looked at his watch; 12.30. He was meant to meet up in Jack's room. There was nothing going on this afternoon so it meant he could remain with Jack all afternoon without making it too obvious. He had found a great excuse: he needed to work on his notes and the final report.
The conference had been brilliant. He had never worked with Jack or Martha before like this. They were all complete equals, each had their own strengths and weaknesses and as a team they worked very well together. But the best thing was being here with Jack. He had been so close to saying something but every time he did he kept flashing back to what he had said to that afternoon and he stopped himself. He was amazed Jack could bear to be in the same room with him considering what he had said. Yet he had been so attentive and kind, and Ianto couldn't keep his eyes off him. God he hoped Jack hadn't noticed. He felt like some love sick teenager with a crush, and less unable to do anything about it.
Pressing the lift button he saw Teri the young lady who had been in the same session he had just left. She joined him by the lift doors and he gave her a shy smile as he caught her looking at him. The lift doors opened and they stepped into the empty lift.
He started to go mentally over his notes and what he was going to say to remain with Jack all afternoon, when without warning she launched herself at him. Her slender frame belied her strength and he found himself pushed against the elevator wall, in a passionate snog. Her hands were everywhere, and as the lift door opened on their floor she pulled back and whispered, "Room 857 if you're interested," gently into his ear. Kissed a finger then touched it on his lips and flounced off without a backwards look.
Taking a deep breath, Ianto straighten up and headed for Jack's room. Knocking he entered to see Jack and Martha sitting around the table at the window in a heated discussion which broke up as soon as he entered.
"You looked flushed, you okay?" Martha asked.
"Teri just caught me in the lift," he said quietly.
"Caught?" Jack asked curious over his choice of words.
"Stealth snog," Ianto told him.
"What!" Jack spluttered.
"Told me to meet me in her room 857 if I was interested," Ianto continued as Martha burst out laughing.
"I quite enjoyed it, never been pounced on in a lift before," Ianto said as he poured himself a coffee.
"Little minx," Martha said, "don't fall for it Ianto she's only interested in your e-pad."
"Yeah I know, it's just she's the second one. If this keeps up I need to find a way to attend these events more often, "Ianto told them loosening his tie and sitting down.
"Second," Jack said still recovering as he put a hand on his own chest.
"Yeah there was a guy last night after dinner. I was heading to my room when he pushed me up against the corridor wall and we had a good grope and he was a bloody good kisser too. After we pulled apart he told me how much he fancied me. I had to tell him that as enjoyable as this was, I am not that kind of delegate, and I have this lovely young thing at home, who greets me every night wearing only her birthday suit, she eats out the palm of my hand and when I stroke her just right she lays on her back and begs for more, so nothing he could offer could compare," he told them as Jack and Martha fell into fits of laughter as Jack slapped his arm in mirth.
"How is Spud?" Martha asked as she wiped his eyes.
"Beautiful, although the local duck population might have a few things to say that would disagree," Ianto told her.
"How is she coping with you being away?" Jack asked wanting to know more as Ianto flushed a deep red.
"Ianto?" Martha asked seeing him embarrassed.
"She's doing great I spoke to her last night," he admitted.
"Spoke?" Martha said rising her eyebrows.
"I spoke down the phone so she could hear my voice so she knew I would be back soon," Ianto said very softly.
"She's so adorable," Martha said diverting the conversation as she now stopped laughing and handed the photo to Jack who looked at it carefully and handed it back to Ianto who put it back into his wallet with care.
"Well that's three for three," Jack told him as Ianto placed the photo back.
"Three for three?" Ianto queried not sure what he meant.
"Oh we've all been pounced on, not all of it strictly business, I might add," Jack told him grinning.
"These events can be a great excuse of while the cat's away sort of thing," Martha added as she looked at Jack.
"Couple of old flames trying to reconnect, made it clear I'm not interested," Jack said quietly then looked across at Martha, who inclining her head toward Ianto as she stared at Jack and mouthed 'do it.'
"Changing the subject, there's no sessions this afternoon and it's your first time in New York any places you like to see?" Jack asked while Ianto settled down at the dining table and started to work on his notes.
Looking up from his e-pad Ianto stopped to think. "I was planning on catching up on my notes, here...here, with you I mean Jack ..own...this afternoon... with Jack," he looked down then continued as Martha stared at Jack.
"It's New York Ianto, notes you can do anytime," she commented. Uncertain he looked up.
"I would be on my own not much fun... I would rather stay here..." He trailed off looking at Jack then to Martha then back to Jack. Martha kicked Jack's ankle.
"I could come with you," Jack offered immediately as he felt a sharp pain in his ankle. Ianto looked up in surprise.
"Well I've always wanted to see Central Park," Ianto told them as Jack looked hopeful.
"Not Ground Zero?" Martha asked intrigued.
"I've seen enough destruction," he told her as she nodded her understanding that after the events of Canary Wharf Ianto might not want to be reminded of the event.
"Martha care to join us?" Ianto asked looking her in a way that suggested she not accept.
"No you boys have fun, I'm exhausted. We've been on the go for three days, thought I'd give Mickey a call, ' tell him to hold off on the kidnapping,' she thought to herself, "take a bath and make love to the cream cake platter from the room service menu." She looked at Jack and winked
"Are you sure?" Ianto questioned Jack double checking he really wanted to accompany him.
"I'd be honoured, I've been here before so I know my way around," Jack said as Ianto nodded in agreement.
"Lunch?" Ianto asked wondering if they should eat now.
"First stop: hot dogs, Central Park," Jack said.
"I'll lock these away" Martha said gathering all their e-pads together.
"I need to change and I'll meet you downstairs," Ianto told him excitedly. He left quickly closing the door.
Jack reached for his coat as Martha put her hand on his arm. "There's something you should know, something that might help, Ianto admitted one night over drinks you'd asked for a second chance and he'd made a terrible mistake by turning you down." She took a deep breath to allow him time to absorb her words. "He regretted this very much because he said he was brutal about it and he thinks you hate him." She saw something come alive in Jack's eyes she hadn't seen for a long time as he began to smile.
"Thank you," he said kissing her on the cheek as he raced out. She closed the door.

***
Next part of Actions Speak Louder than Words - Restitution.

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