Title: Addiction
By: bittersweet
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Summary: Ianto and Jack fluffiness.
Disclaimer: Until the day (and it will come, oh yes, it will...) that I go on a killing spree in the BBC and claim all Torchwood for my own... they are free.

***

"Sir?"

"Ianto, how many times do I have to tell you… come in. Don't bother knocking. You never have to bother knocking."

"That's not quite fair, Sir. Everyone else has to knock."

"For their own safety, my dear Ianto. If I get interrupted while taking advantage of your… local knowledge… I tend to get tetchy."

"Or try and make them join in."

"Yeah. Oooh, look at you… its pink shirt day, I love pink shirt day…"

"I need to discuss something with you, Sir."

"Sounds good…"

…

…

"Perhaps I should clarify… I wish to discuss something serious with you, Jack. With my pants on."

"Spoilsport."

"Sorry, Sir."

"Ok, Ianto. What did you want to talk about?"

"Last night."

"What, you mean…"

"The rogue weevil."

"Ah."

"Sir, this isn't funny. Your little… habit…. meant a weevil almost escaped near a very populated area. There could have been a fatality."

"My 'habit'?"

"Yes. You know what I'm talking about. You do it every day. Every time you arrive. Every time you leave. Every time someone new walks into the room."

"Oh, lighten up. I'm not that bad."

"Sir, you did it twenty three times yesterday. And we only left the Hub once. You're addicted."

"I am not!"

…

…

"Fine, fine… but surely you can't begrudge me a little moment? I mean, we were on a hill for godssake…"

"Sir, we can't keep stopping every time you get the urge to strike a pose against the sunset! Or in a doorway! Or on the roof of a bloody train!"

"But it's just the way I am, Yan! C'mon… you like it. Admit it."

"It is hampering the efficiency of your operations and the ability of our personnel to function as a cohesive unit, Sir."

…

…

"I bet you a week's pay you made up that sentence in advance."

"Sir?"

"Nevermind."

"Jack, they are admittedly very dashing silhouettes. But you need to consider the circumstances. You need to be more aware of when it is appropriate."

"The last time I checked, I was the Captain and you were the teaboy."

"Well, I wouldn't want to overstep my place. Sir."

"Wha- No, no… Shit, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know."

"Sorry."

"No need to apologise. Jack, all I'm saying is why don't you keep them for us? Private use. You think that would be… nice?"

…

…

"If you want to keep your pants on so badly don't do that… that husky thing you just did with your voice… don't do that again."

"All I'm asking is you save your… poses… for me."

"You… you're doing that deliberately, aren't you? I've created a monster."

"Me, Sir? Oh no, I was always like this."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. I think there were only three people at Torchwood One that I didn't fuck to get my way… although by then I couldn't be bothered counting…maybe two, I can't remember."

…

…

"Are you joking?"

…

…

"Yan!"

…

…

"Yes, of course I'm joking. Idiot. You turned up and you corrupted me, Jack."

"Huh. You betcha I did! You know, I should never have hired you, Ianto Jones. You're too good at keeping a straight face."

"You should see me play poker."

"Think so? Hey, did I ever tell you about that time in the Vrebetian Nebula when…"

"Yes. Twice. And I didn't mean that kind of poker."

"You're even dressed for it…"

"What?"

"For the first part, anyway. For later all we need is a bit of silver paint, some jellybeans and a rop-"

"No, Jack."

…

…

"Jack, stop sulking. Do you know how hard it is to get silver paint out of a suit like this?"

"I don't like that suit on you anyway. It doesn't fit right."

"My suit fits perfectly."

"What about… just here…"

"Mmmf!"

…

…

"Jack?"

"Yes, Yan?"

"Please close the door first…"

"Now why would I do that?"

"So they can knock."

***