Title: Are You Leaving Again, Jack?
By: bittersweet
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Summary: Thought I'd follow up the fluff wit a little quality angst... this one is from the absolutely heartbreaking way Ianto asks Jack if he is going to leave again in that scene from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. At least, I thought it was heartbreaking. My poor baby Ianto...
Disclaimer: If love is ownership, they are mine. But it isn't. Which is shitty.

***

Gwen was mad. She was really mad. How dare he just… just waltz back in as if nothing had happened, as if they would just all go weak at the knees when they saw him?

"You left us!"

He hit the wall with a satisfying thud as she channeled all her frustration into an aggressive shove.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Shit. She had promised herself she would stay angry. Why did he have to sound so genuine, so apologetic? Damn Jack bloody Harkness…

"We knew nothing, Jack!"

Tosh took the next turn to question, her tone wavering between annoyed and curious.

"Where were you?"

"I… I found my Doctor."

Now Owen.

"Did he fix you?"

An odd expression flickered across Jack's face, instantly covered by his trademark 100-watt smile.

"What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection."

"Are you going back to him?"

When Ianto spoke Gwen felt her heart break. It was amazing that a single question, spoken in such a soft and restrained manner, could carry so much hurt. She didn't understand how he wasn't bitter, or jealous of this "Doctor". Hell, she was jealous of the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his Doctor, about how this mysterious man would make everything right… and she wasn't even in love with Jack. Well, not much. Not really. He was exciting, and she cared for him, but when it came down to it she loved Rhys. Her love for Jack was the kind of infatuation that you might have for a teacher, or a movie star, or the singer from your favourite band with the sexy break in their voice. It was real and strong, but it survived only because nothing could or would ever come of it.

But Ianto didn't sound jealous. He didn't even sound angry at Jack for abandoning them just when they had started to be a team…a team that relied on each other. Instead, Ianto had just sounded resigned. Of course, that was typical Ianto. The mysterious 'teaboy', so easy to ignore and underestimate. When Gwen had first arrived one of the first things she noticed about him was an almost unearthly ability to detect when someone was hurting. Now she knew one more thing - he never let his own hurt show until it was too late.

After Jack had left it had almost seemed to Gwen that Ianto just stopped. Not literally; he kept bringing them all coffee, doing all the paperwork, manning the desk and everything else he usually did. He helped her get her bearings when she decided to take charge. He took up field work, joining them to make up the numbers, because all their tactics were designed for four. And he did everything to the same level of efficiency he always had.

It's just that from Gwen's perspective it was like Ianto's body and Ianto's brain were functioning independently from Ianto's… for lack of a better word… soul. There were no little smiles or deadpan comments, no knowing glances across the room when Owen said something nasty to Tosh. It was exactly what had happened with Lisa – but back then Jack had been around and had somehow managed to distract Ianto enough to allow him to recover.

None of them could make him talk. He would brush them off, saying he was fine, reminding them that they had a job to do. The biggest concession he ever made was to Tosh, when he gently stopped her not-so-subtle attempts at bringing up the topic of Jack and told her that he "didn't plan on making anyone else carry his burden for him". After a while, he just blended back into the background again, until that day, three months after Jack had left…

When she arrived at the Hub it was open, and that was surprising – Gwen had been sure she would be the first one in. They had had a hell of a night… Weevils in a shopping mall, two false alarms from opposite sides of the city and one mist-like creature with a taste for expensive shoes. And they had managed to blow up half a MacDonald's in the process. God only knew how Ianto would manage to smooth that one over.

As she walked up the stairs she noticed the lights were on, but there was no movement, no wafting scent of coffee or the soft chatter of Tosh. The autopsy lab was silent.

This wasn't good. Her gun… where was her gun? She gripped it close to her leg, half crouching as she made her way up the rest of the stairs, eyes fixed on the main floor. Something was lying there. Something dark, sprawled on the ground... finally she just lunged, covering the last few steps with a bound until she was standing over it. What she saw made her feel sick with fear. It was Ianto.

He lay motionless on the floor. He was so pale, and for the first time she realised how thin he had become. He was curled halfway into the fetal position, looking for all the world like he was trying to ward something off, but there were no marks on him. His breathing was almost imperceptible, his heartbeat faint. Frantically Gwen shook his shoulders, looking for any sign, any reaction. Her gun lay unnoticed where she had dropped it. He didn't respond, and she groped for a phone.

"Owen! Get here... Get here now! He's hurt! Ianto is hurt, I don't know…he's not bleeding, but he's not moving… Oh God, I don't know what to do…"

"Calm down. I'm coming. Hold his head up, Make sure he's breathing freely. Don't move until I get there."

Ten minutes later Owen was there, and Tosh was right behind him. Together the two women waited nervously outside the autopsy bay, unwilling to crowd their doctor but scared to go to far from where the youngest member of their team lay unconscious. Finally Owen emerged.

"What is it? An alien? If it's still here…"

"It's no alien." For some reason Owen wasn't meeting their eyes.

"Is he sick?"

"Sort of." Owen looked up, his angry words negated by the worry in his voice. "He collapsed from exhaustion. That, and as far as I can make out he hasn't eaten in days. He's wearing the same bloody clothes he was wearing last night – the idiot must have just kept working until he fell over."

Gwen stared. Surely not… they would have noticed something like that. Wouldn't they? With a sinking feeling she realised that she had never arrived before Ianto before, and he was always the last to leave. Ever since Jack left. And she literally couldn't remember the last time she had seen him eat something.

Tosh looked like she was about to cry, and pushed past Owen to go stand by Ianto's bed. Gwen silently joined her, but Owen stayed outside, swearing quietly to himself. As the day wore on, they took it in turns to stay with him.

When he finally woke up it was Gwen who was leaning over him. She smiled at him through sudden tears, and answered the question in his eyes.

"You collapsed. You've been working too hard, Ianto."

Ianto lowered his eyes, his reply a faint murmur.

"I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Oh Ianto! Bloody hell, don't apologise. But you need to realise hurting yourself isn't going to bring Jack back. Starving yourself won't work either."

"That's not what it is, Gwen. I just… I didn't notice. None of that seemed very important."

Ianto pulled himself up to sitting position and looked her straight in the eyes.

"I'm sorry I scared you. I promise I won't do it again. I'll be ok, Gwen."

She just nodded, and then Tosh ran in and threw her arms around him, giving him a bear hug like only she could give. Last of all came Owen, who pushed his way into Ianto's face and yelled for a bit. In their own way, they each tried to show him how much they cared, and prove to him that he was wanted. Gwen just hoped it was enough.

Now Gwen watched as Ianto stood there so straight and still, waiting for Jack to reply, and felt an overwhelming urge to do something very violent if their newly-returned Captain didn't say the right thing.

"I came back for you."

Jack looked straight into Ianto's eyes as he said this, but only for a moment before he turned his intense gaze on the others.

"For all of you."

Gwen sighed. As soon as she got him alone, Gwen had a few words she was going to throw at Captain Jack. Someone needed to protect Ianto from his own ability to love unconditionally. Putting his relationship with the whole team first, ahead of his personal relationship, was the action of a true leader. There was no denying Jack was a true leader. The only problem being that Ianto was the one who paid the price.

***