Title: Calamity
By: kma
Pairing: Jack/OMC
Rating: PG
Spoilers: "Everything Changes"
Disclaimer: Jack belonging to me? I wish!
A/N: The very first chapter of my first Jack fic ever, and I've already knocked him up!
Summary: The orgy at the temple of fertility might not have been a good idea after all... Jack Mpreg.

***

"What cannot be?" Jack asks, trying in vain to halt his slow slide down the exam table. Healer Efazoc has really gone overboard with the SysScan jelly — that stuff can get really tingly (and not in a good way) if it gets into certain spots in the human body — and Jack is getting fed up with the man- humanoid, he corrects himself. "What are you muttering about? I'm not deaf, you know."

Efazoc twitches and almost drops the beaker he is holding.

"Well — there's something unusual," he mutters, staring nervously at Jack's gun, which is very big and intimidating. "Did anything... um... unusual... happen to you about... exactly — two months ago?"

Jack pulls himself up a little and cringes as something beneath him makes a slurping noise. He is going to stick the whole tube of jelly down the Healer's throat if he doesn't get to the point soon. "Unusual in what way?"

"Were you intimate with anyone — at th-that time?" the Healer squeezes out, and moves as far away from Jack as he can.

Jack snorts. If only Efazoc would have asked about any other time in the last year... "Well, can you clarify — you mean men? Women? Your people? The Reor?" Efazoc collapses onto a chair and stares at Jack in awe. "What? I was on Q'Hun then."

"For the Fertility Celebration?" the Healer asks, still looking dazed.

Now it is Jack's turn to twitch. "Yes," he says. "Did I catch something?" Damn, it is probably some alien STD again. Well, at least his dick hasn't turned blue so far, so that has to be a good sign. Still, the constant stomach aches for the last two weeks haven't exactly been a barrel of laughs.

"Well, in a matter of speaking-" Efazoc falls silent, and glances at his prized beaker, then back at Jack, who is beginning to look slightly murderous.

"So?" Jack prompts, (not very) accidentally touching the barrel of his gun.

"You're pregnant!" the Healer finally blurts out and stares at Jack like a scared rabbit. "Please don't shoot me..." he whines, and several of his eyestalks tremble in unison.

Jack attempts to get up from his rather sticky and uncomfortable slouching position, but the exam table objects and folds up with a violent creak.

"Did you just say what I thought you said?" Jack asks, his incredulous face framed by his knees.

Efazoc nods.

Jack pales and utters several very bad words, at least two of which can get him arrested on Sagota and every single one of its satellites. The exam table takes affront at that and unfolds again, almost depositing Jack on the floor. Jack scrambles to keep his hold on the exam table and clings to it as if it were a life boat. "Can it- Can you-?" He pauses and stares down at his stomach with dismay. "Can you-" he repeats, not finishing his thought, because he doesn't want to say the words out loud.

Ezafoc looks like he is about to faint and Jack gulps. Oh shit-

"Well, you did say there were Reor involved in the — situation - and assuming that you're familiar with their mating rites with other species you would know that any termination is-"

Just before passing out, Jack thinks that the orgy at the temple of fertility might not have been a good idea after all.

***