Title: Come What May
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 72, Stolen Moments
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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My dearest Ianto,

I always start every letter I write to you with that salutation, don't I? It might seem a little redundant, but I say it because I mean it. You've become dearer to me than anyone I've ever known, the center of my universe.

I know that might sound like an extravagant declaration, considering how big the universe is and that I've traveled through all of it, from the beginning to the end of time. But it's true. In the time that we've been together, you've become the center of everything in my life.

Just a few months ago, it would have been so hard for me to say this. But you've opened up a part of me that I don't think I ever knew existed before.

You see, I've always had to hide my feelings, not only from the rest of the world, but from those closest to me as well. I've never felt that I was free to give my emotions free rein; it's too easy for someone with as many enemies as I have to find themselves in a position where their emotions can be used against them.

I've never been willing to let that happen. And, truth be told, I'm still not willing to let that happen. But it comes down to either having you with me, and knowing that whatever happens, we'll be together -- or being apart from you for long periods of time.

I can't deal with that, Ianto. I can't be away from you, not knowing when -- or if -- I'll see you again. I can't bear the thought of getting into a situation where I may have to regenerate without being able to see you again in this body.

And I can't stand the thought of only having stolen moments with you, times that we snatch with each other when neither of us have other commitments. I've had to live like that before, and I'll never do it again. Not with you.

I'd thought that it was hard before, with someone who I knew wasn't my life mate. But with you .... it's not only hard to do that, it's utterly impossible.

I've thought about this long and hard, allowing you to be with me every time I have to travel in time and space. I've thought about how it would make me feel if anything happened to you, knowing that I would lose you for good.

That's what frightens me more than anything else in the world. The thought that I could lose you, that through me, you could come to some harm. I know that you could also come to harm when you're working with Torchwood, and I accept that. It's your choice to throw yourself into the path of danger with your job.

But it may not be your choice to do so when you're with me. And I don't want to feel that I've made that choice for you, or pushed you into something that you aren't ready for or that you don't want. I feel that way any time I know that I could be taking you into a dangerous situation.

And though I know that it's also your choice to be with me, sometimes I can't help but feel that your feelings for me have pushed you into thinking that you don't have any choice but to be here, by my side.

I'm more grateful for your presence than I can say. I want you here, my love, always with me, the two of us united in every way.

I know it's selfish. I've berated myself for that so many times that it's not worth going into again, even though I've never admitted to you before that I think I'm a selfish bastard for feeling this way. I've admitted it to myself more than I like to remember.

I've also thought long and hard about what it would be like for us both if I left you behind on Earth each time I feel that I have to go. I know you're not happy being away from me, wondering if I might not exist any more -- at least as you know and love me.

More than that, I'm definitely not happy being without you. And after some of the rough times we've been through recently, I've decided that it's far better for us to be together than to try to make do with being apart, no matter what the consequences might be.

I can't exist on a few stolen moments here and there with you. I need you by my side all the time, knowing that you're right there with me. If I face a battle, then you face it too. The two of us together, as a team.

I suppose that the point of all this rambling is to say that I couldn't be happier to have you here with me, my love. That I want you to stay with me for the rest of our lives -- not just in my life, but here with me when I'm traveling around the galaxy. I want to have your presence with me all the time, not just moments taken here and there when we have the chance.

Even if that can be construed as selfish on my part, I don't care. Though I do care that I may be putting you in terrible danger, that doesn't negate the fact that you always have the choice not to be with me if that's what you want.

If at any time you don't want to travel with me, you can always go back to Earth, Ianto. I wouldn't force you into anything you don't want, or that you don't choose of your own free will.

Though I have to say that I hope you'll never feel that way. I hope you'll always be here with me. I don't want to make you feel that you have to stay with me, my love. I wouldn't force you to make that decision. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want you here always.

Somehow, I have the feeling that you will be. You've never said so, but I don't think you want to leave the life we've made together here on the Tardis. And it seems that you belong here with me more than anyone else ever has -- or ever could.

I can be happy in the fact that with you here, I don't have to feel that our time together is only a few stolen moments here and there in the tapestry of our lives, taken whenever we can find them. No, I'm content in the knowledge that we'll always be together, come what may.

At one time, I would have asked myself if I was sure that you felt the same, but I know in my hearts that you do. If you didn't, then you wouldn't be here -- and perhaps I wouldn't either. We've walked through fire and survived, and being together is our reward for that.

We may have both had our doubts in the past, but I think they're far behind us now. The road ahead of us may not be easy -- but we'll walk down it together, my beloved. And when we look back, we'll only see the good moments that we've been able to take for ourselves.

Your

Doctor

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