Title: Jack is Back
Author: Clarity
Rating: PG
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, (nods to Gwen/Owen, Jack/Gwen, Ianto/Tosh, plus Ianto/OC)
Warning: There's some character death
Summary: Seven unrelated tales of Jack's return.

***


I.

He had counted eight dead weevils so far and that was just from the main entranceway. They had all been shot. There was blood everywhere, strewn across the floor and splattered across the computers.

Stepping inside he saw another one lying next to the lift doors. Jack cleared his throat and took a deep breath. This was not the welcome home party he had been hoping for. Not by a long stretch.

There was no smell, aside from the pungent coppery ambience of the blood. The firefight had to have happened quite recently. Jack ran over to the computers, leaping over one dead weevil with half of its head blown off, and tapped in a command to find lifesigns on the base. He had to wipe the red off the screen to see it.

The computer found just one; in the morgue, paradoxically.

Jack checked the desk for Owen's spare gun but it wasn't there. Fortunately, Toshiko's was. He grabbed it and stepped over the bodies to get into the lift. Jack held his breath all way the way down. As he made to step out he realised his boots were sticking to the floor. More blood.

There was a brownish line running right down the centre along the walkway in the vast Torchwood morgue, as though something had been dragged along. Jack followed it. He could see three of the trays along the bottom near the floor were drawn out into the open. And occupied. But he couldn't see by whom.

Not until he was closer. He recognised the dark, tumbling locks of the middle occupant immediately.

Gwen.

Then he saw Owen and Toshiko either side of her. Pale. Tinged blue.

Dead.

Staggering, he kept on, down the trail of dried blood, his head swimming. He sank to his knees before them, wishing he could say something. Apologise perhaps.

His gun slipped right out of his hands and clattered on the floor. Too loud by far.

Then he saw Ianto propped up against the wall over in the corner. But he wasn't sleeping like the others. He was watching him. Frowning.

Jack stared back for a moment, immobilised.

"They went down fighting,' Ianto said, gave him a winced smile, and coughed.

"What happened?' His own voice sounded distant in his ears.

"Weevils. Uh they... they rioted. Broke out. Let their friends in.' He coughed again and dragged in a heavy breath. "I think they planned this. Infiltration m-m-maybe.'

The way he was holding his arms across himself, curled up, told Jack he had to be injured. That gave him the jolt he needed to move away from the three cold corpses in front of him. He nearly fell over trying to get to his feet and over to him.

Ianto flinched from his touch as he tried to move his hands and see his wounds.

"No, no, no,' he murmured, and when Jack prised his hands back to see, yelled, "don't!'

"Fuck! You need to get to hospital, right now... we need to...'

"Shhh no.' Ianto, batted his hands away, weakly. "Listen to me. Just listen.' He held onto Jack's forearms, speaking right to his eyes. "It's too late.' He smiled, as though trying to reassure him.

That just brought on a choke of tears. "No, Ianto, no...'

"Torchwood two knows our status. They'll come clean up. You... you should just leave.' He put his hand on Jack's cheek. The pain in his eyes was replaced with love. "I'm glad I saw you again. We... missed you.'

"I'm sorry, I'm so... so...'

"It's okay. These things...' he winced, "...happen. I'd like it if you... s-stayed with me.'

Jack grabbed him too fast and Ianto cried out in pain. He sealed his lips over his mouth, stifling it, and willed everything he had, all of his lifeforce into him, trying to make it better. All he could taste was blood.

Ianto just pulled back. "You can't heal this.'

"I can try.'

He kissed him again but was gently pushed away.

"I missed you so much,' Ianto gasped. "I... I always...' He slowly relaxed in Jack's arms.

Jack didn't know he was screaming until his voice went hoarse.

 

II.

Cardiff. Jack couldn't believe it. It had been years since he'd been here last in his own time. Centuries for earth.

It was funny seeing the Millennium Centre as a listed heritage building and the water tower built up six times as high, projecting twenty four hour historical footage of the area over the flowing water and acting as a guidance beacon for passing aircars.

Liquid screenings. Jack smiled. Ancient by his standards really, but the very latest technology for the 23rd century. Once of Britain's proudest inventions at the time.

He sat on one of the benches facing the tower across the way. It automatically did a bioreading, calculated his height, weight, girth, posture, the levels of stress in his body, how many hours he'd likely been awake and adjusted the seating accordingly by height and cushioning. That made him grin a little. After all, it would be for another fifty years until scientific studies would shed light on the harmful effects of the bio scanners in such advanced seating and there would be a national uproar which would eventually deseat a government. Funny how wanting a little comfort for the backside could cause all of that.

Someone came from behind and took a seat on the other end of the bench. It adjusted itself accordingly and the man let out a sigh. "Nice night,' he said.

Jack smiled and turned to him, about to agree, but never managed to get the words out.

"Something wrong?' the man asked.

"Uh... no. No, you just... you're just the spitting image of someone I once knew.' So much so it had knocked the wind right out of his lungs. The resemblance was uncanny. "Say, you surname would happen to be Jones would it?'

"Jones? Actually yes,' he smiled, and looked so much like Ianto it was spooky. "But it is a very common name, you know.'

"Yes I suppose it...' Jack frowned. No it wasn't. It hadn't been a common name for many centuries.

The man chuckled. "Alright, you got me. You're just so cute when you're confused.' He pointed up at the water tower. "We could see you through the liquid cameras. We drew straws to see who'd get to come up and say hello first. I won. Or should that be lost? Depends on what you do next I suppose.'

"Ianto?' Somehow, half of his voice disappeared. It didn't seem possible. Actually, it couldn't be possible.

"Hello Jack,' he replied, smiling like he knew a secret. "Long time no see.'

He spun onto his feet and stared at the pale looking man in the perfectly laundered suit, shyly grinning up at him.

"Wh...?'

"Surprise?'

"It's not possible.'

"Clearly, it is.' He stood up and brushed down the creases in his trousers. "Now are you going to come and say hello to the others or not?'

"Others?'

"Forgotten us so soon?' he joked, shaking us head. "Gwen, Owen and Toshiko. Oh and our boss, of course. Her name is Althadria. I think you'll like her. They're all down in the Hub, waiting for you.' He held out his hand as if to show him the way.

As he followed him over to the hidden lift in front of the water tower, Jack wondered if the TARDIS had somehow miscalculated and he wasn't in the 23rd century after all. Then again, the seats...

"Ianto, this isn't possible. You should be dead.'

"You of all people should know that death isn't quite as inevitable as some would have us believe.' There was that coy, secretive smile again. "It really has been too long Jack. I've missed you.'

"Yeah?' he mumbled, absent-mindedly, too mired in contemplation about how this could possibly be to really listen.

They stepped onto the lift, side by side, and it slowly began to take them downwards.

"Missed the sex. Still, it's not been problem for a while now. Althadria is better.'

His head snapped aside. "Excuse me?'

"We've all been quite a happy family. Since you left, I mean.' Now there was something ugly in his smile; taunting even. "I think you'll find things have changed quite a bit since you were last here.'

A hand sealed around Jack's wrist, icy cold to the touch and unshakable.

"We've been waiting for you for a long time. You're not getting away this time, Captain.' Quick as a flash he was behind Jack, holding onto his other wrist just as tightly, resting his chin on his shoulder.

The Hub was dark and filled with shadows, hiding most of it from him. A strange musty smell make Jack cough a little and grimace. He tried to pull away from Ianto but his grip was like iron. And cold. So very very cold.

"Owen!' Ianto yelled. "Come on, stop playing with that thing and get over here.'

Jack squinted into the darkness as a figure stepped forwards. It was Owen. His eyes were glinting, like cat's eyes. "Keep your knickers on, Ianto. I'm coming.'

He had red smeared across his face. Jack realised with a jolt that he was carrying a severed arm in his hand.

Immediately Jack tried to pull away. However Ianto was a lot stronger than he remembered and he wasn't letting him go anywhere.

"Shh, don't struggle. It would be impolite if you didn't say hello.'

"If it isn't Captain Jack Harkness,' Owen said, grinning toothily. "Back from the great unknown. Was it worth it?' He stepped up onto the lift, getting up close and personal. He looked very pale too and there was really something not right about his eyes. "Mm, you smell tasty.'

"Hey, wipe your fucking mouth,' Ianto growled, and kicked him off. "Give him a little respect.'

Owen landed awkwardly but still ended up laughing. "Oh fuck you, Ianto.'

"Grow up Owen,' a soft feminine voice said, and suddenly Gwen was there too. She grinned brightly. "Jack, it's good to see you.' She stepped up and ran her fingers down his cheek, affectionately. It made him shiver. "I missed you.'

Suddenly they were falling backwards. The next thing he knew, Jack was on the floor and Toshiko was all over him, grinning.

"Get off him Tosh.' Ianto grabbed her and threw her aside. "He doesn't want you. Jack only wants me. Always wanted me.' He crawled on top of him and kissed him.

Jack tasted ashes. It sickened him. He pushed him off and scrabbled away. "What the hell?'

Toshiko grabbed Ianto and the two of them were half fighting, half humping each other on the floor. Gwen started to giggle insanely and Owen sat down and started sucking on the severed arm.

He found the presence of mind to make a run for the door. Suddenly Gwen grabbed him before he had the chance to get far. "Oh no you don't. You left us once already. Not going to let you go again.' Gwen pressed him down into the floor, hard, leaning right over him, eyes shining. She opened his mouth and Jack saw fangs. "I bet you'll taste sweeter than honey. And you'll never die. You'll be ours forever. Mmm, perfect.'

Jack tried to pull free once more. It was no use. They were all clearly so much stronger than they ever were before.

Gwen bit into his neck, hard and sharp. He yelled out in pain and flailed, trying to get free.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a tall, slender woman with long golden hair, dressed in a long purple evening dress with silk gloves and fine jewellery. She turned her cold, aloof gaze upon him.

"Hello Captain. My name is Althadria,' she said, sounding clear as a bell in his mind although she wasn't even moving her lips. "I trust you've had a safe journey. My team have always spoke highly of you. I'm afraid I cannot offer you your command back, however you're more than welcome to stay. They do get so very hungry.' She smiled.

It all went black.

 

III.

"Shhh, don't wake up.'

"Jack?'

He stroked his cheek. "It's just me.'

Ianto blinked a few times and stared at him. Jack thought he looked beautiful under the faint moonlight streaming in through the windows. He stroked his cheek back, mirroring the way he way lying on his bed exactly, wishing he could be under the covers too.

"You came back?'

"I don't have long,' he whispered, "but I couldn't go without saying goodbye to you.'

Arms wrapped around him and clung on, lazily. "Don't go.'

Jack sighed. "I'm sorry. You know I've always had to keep secrets. There are things about me I don't even understand. This is my chance to find out. I can't not go.'

Though he was clearly saddened by this, Ianto nodded and put on a brave smile. "I understand.'

"I knew you would.' He gently shuffled closer and brushed his lips delicately against Ianto's.

"How long do you have?' Ianto asked under his breath.

"Not long. Really not long at all.'

A hand pressed against over his crotch and gently stroked him. He looked to Ianto with questioning in his eyes. There didn't seem to be words. He could do nothing but relent and allow him to do anything he wanted, anything he needed, to say goodbye properly.

Ianto was naked under the sheets and the more skin he revealed in slipping out, the more he seemed to glow against the moonlight steaming in. Ianto didn't miss a beat, going straight to work removing Jack's clothes, kissing him as he did.

Jack allowed his eyes to slide close and leaned fully into him. He hadn't expected this at all but there was no denying that he wanted it. One last time. He had to have Ianto in his arms just once more.

The sharp pangs of desperation took hold and wouldn't let them go; fingers clawing, hips grinding, legs tangled, mouths growing bruised and wanton. They were both hot and shining with sweat before Ianto even managed to throw Jack down and push some fingers roughly inside him. At some point they were accompanied by something slick and wet; Jack was too far gone to notice what he was doing really. All he could do was feel, savour and memorise this one last stolen moment between them. There were going to be long nights when he had nothing else to hold on to, that much he knew.

He flipped Ianto onto his back, growling. Ianto pushed back, giving as good as he got, the animal parts of their brains taking over and feeding into each other. Jack refused to relinquish with a growl. He pushed his hips down, kissed him brutally and impaled himself on his rock hard cock. Ianto hissed and Jack gasped and stilled, the pain and anticipation of pleasure mixing together and becoming one overflowing rush of excitement.

Hands ran up his stomach, gentler than before, and clasped around hips. Jack threw his head back, lips parted with the wash of pleasure which came along with the driving force splitting him in two, exactly as he craved, exactly as he deserved, combined with the skilful hand stroking his cock hard and tight and fast, grasping onto every nerve and flooding his body with overwhelming sensation.

Nails marked his hips and teeth marked his shoulder. Something else marked his soul but Jack pushed that aside and laid it to rest.

Ianto drove harder and harder, and then flipped him over onto his back, throwing his legs over his shoulders and driving into him again and again. This was how it had always been with them; rough, hard and so very, very deep. Wondrously intense, magnificent, exciting, pounding sex that could swallow them up and rip right through them both like they were made of paper; like they were just two torn up scraps that never quite fit anything around them but by some miracle, against all the odds, despite their differences, fit together.

Jack howled feeling Ianto's cock pulse and thicken and fill him up; so much and so hard it was almost too much to take. He arched back and forth, wanting it all, heels grinding into the small of Ianto's back, demanding more. Finally he dissolved into the mess of his own making, clinging onto the body pressed against him, shaking all over.

"Will I ever see you again?' Ianto muttered into his ear, so breathless it might have been a sigh.

He thought about it for some time before trying to answer. "I don't know. All I know is that, of everything and everybody here, you're the hardest to walk away from.' He tried to tell him everything he couldn't say in a long, deep and meaningful kiss.

Ianto nodded as though he understood and slid away from him, leaving him cold and exposed. That told him only one thing; it was time to go.

He stayed only long enough to see Ianto doze off. Then he carefully retrieved his clothes and made for the door. Only memories and the pleasant fullness inside could go with him. That was just the way it was.

Ianto woke up a few hours later, calling out Jack's name in the darkness. Only the scent still lingering on his pillow and all around him told him that it hadn't been a dream.

He cried himself back to sleep

 

IV.

"Ianto, it's me.'

He didn't miss the way Ianto stepped back, timidly, as he moved closer, still refusing to meet his eyes. Like he was afraid of him.

The bruises had to be something to do with it. Ianto had a black eye like a panda and a fat lip as well.

"I'm sorry Sir, I wasn't aware that you had left.' He pressed the button under the desk and the secret door into the base opened. Ianto shuffled back a little more, still keeping his head lowered.

"Wasn't aware that I'd left?' That couldn't be right. He'd been gone three months by their timeline, and more like a year by his. "What are you talking about? What the hell happened to your eye?' Again Ianto flinched when he drew close but he wasn't about to stop. Jack tilted his chin up but still the man avoided looking him in the eye. "Ianto, look at me.' He repeated himself, louder. "Look at me.'

"You ordered me not to,' Ianto muttered, frowning, and pulled away backwards so far he hit the wall.

"When? I would never...' The look that produced chilled him to the core. "Ianto, come on...'

He took hold of his hand, eliciting a gasp. But this time it wasn't one of fear. Finally Ianto looked up at him. "You're warm.'

The phone rang and nearly leapt out of his skin. Jack had never seen Ianto so jittery. He picked it up and looked even more shocked. "Yes Sir. I'm just seeing to a... a lost tourist. I'll be there right away. Yes Sir, I'll try my best.' The phone slipped down and he turned to Jack with new eyes.

"What? What is it?'

"But... if you're Jack, who is the person in your office right now?'

In the absence of anything better to say, he ended up barking out an incredulous, "What?'

"Captain Harkness. There's two of you. There's...' he grew thoughtful, "two of you. It's not possible.' He clasped his hand over his mouth as though holding back chokes of tears. "Oh god. I knew it. I knew it.'

"Ianto, you're going to have to slow down and explain this to me.'

Suddenly Ianto's arms were flung over his shoulders and he was being hugged tightly. He returned the gesture, enjoying the feel of Ianto in his arms after so long away. He couldn't help but press his nose into his neck and breathe him in.

Just as quickly Ianto pulled away, rubbing his face with his sleeve. "I... he wants coffee. I have to run. S-stay here. Please don't go down there yet. J-just... stay put.'

"Sure.'

He took off like a bolt of lightening. Jack leaned against the counter and fidgeted with the threads from the lose hem in the pocket of his coat; it had taken a bit of a beating without Ianto carefully maintaining it for him. It wasn't as if the Doctor had a sewing kit on standby and even a sonic screwdriver had its limits. After a few minutes he picked up the paper and had a skim through the local news.

Eventually, Ianto came back, breathless from running. "Sorry.' He grabbed Jack's hand and led him through the beaded curtain and into the small private area around to the side. "Okay, we need to be quiet. Jack, where have you been?'

"Travelling. It's kind of a long story. But right now I'd rather hear what the hell has been happening here. Starting with what happened to your face.'

Ianto flinched as he touched his lip. "There's someone else... an impostor. He fell through the rift about a fortnight after you left. He's says he's you but... he's different. He's cold all over. Cruel. He... he killed Gwen.'

Jack's stomach lurched the way it had once or twice when the TARDIS had taken off without warning. "Gwen?'

"She wouldn't stand for it. He... he grabbed her and he kissed her and... and it killed her. She just withered away right there. It was... it was horrible.' That much was plain on his face. He looked like he was fighting the urge to be sick at the memory. "I... I had to tell Rhys. It was... it shouldn't have happened. We thought something must have changed you somehow. I don't know. Nothing's made any sense lately.'

Just like that Jack knew who had battered Ianto and he felt nauseating rage in his stomach. "Are the others alright?'

"Toshiko has two broken fingers. She's not allowed to speak anymore. He said her voice was too shrill and gave him a headache. I've tried to help... slip painkillers into her drinks. I don't know if it's helping. Owen, he's not too bad. But he's not happy. Neither of them are.'

"Why didn't you all leave? Fight back?'

"They're chained to their desks. I can't leave them... if I did, who'd feed them and clean them, and... all that? He'd let them die of starvation or something, I-I-I know he would. I didn't know what to do. I tried to get in touch with Torchwood one and two but... well let's just say he didn't like that.' He sat down and held his head in his hands. "I can't believe I was fooled. Should have known when he could never once get it up.'

"He couldn't get it up? Well there was your first clue right there,' Jack teased, very gently.

Uncertain what to do in the silence which followed, Jack rubbed his back. It merely made him wince and shrug the gesture off. Jack grabbed him and pulled his jacket and shirt up to see.

"Stop it, it's nothing,' Ianto protested, wriggling away.

"Fucking bastard,' he growled, seeing red. "I'm going to kill him. Right now, I'm going to kill him, whoever the hell he is.' He pulled his vintage gun out of its leather holster and checked for bullets. It had four.

He moved to storm out but Ianto grabbed him by the hand. "What are you doing? You can't just...'

"Why not?'

Ianto tried to think of a good reason and came up blank. "Good point.' He ran on behind him, down the dark tunnel and into the lift.

As the doors opened, an unmistakable voice could be heard just ahead in the Hub.

"Owen, now come on, play nice.'

"Fuck off Harkness,' came the reply, all muted and weak. Jack had never heard Owen sound so tired; so utterly devoid of his trademark snark.

"Tell me or I'll stick my fingers up your ass and find out. Bet you're a real cock slut. Bet you've been fucked a hundred ways from Sunday. Come on, tell me. How many? Tell me,' the imposter purred.

Stepping forwards finally, Jack could see him. He was standing at the computer consoles, rubbing Owen's bare shoulder.

That was the last straw. Jack cocked his gun and went inside, aiming straight at the guy's head. "Hey!' he yelled. When the other Jack turned to him, he pulled the trigger and blew his brains out.

Owen spun around in his chair as far as the chains around his feet would let him and stared at him with a mixture of wonder and horror. Toshiko let out an audible gasp and turned too. Her eyes grew wide and tearful instantly and she put a hand over her mouth in shock.

"What - the - fuck?' Owen choked out.

"It's me. The real me. I'm back.'

"Um... okay. So, if you're you, who the hell is he?' He nodded at the body behind him.

"I don't know and I don't care,' he spat in response. "Nobody treats my team like that. Nobody.' He wanted to add that it was retribution for Gwen but his voice cut out long before he managed to form a coherent sentence along those lines.

"What if he comes back?' Toshiko asked, at a timid mouse's whisper. "Like you can.

Gun carefully trained on the pale-looking corpse with his face, Jack kneeled down and searched his pockets. He came up with a string of keys attached to his belt.

The next thing he knew he was wrestling with a mirror image of himself; fighting someone with the exact same weight and strength for dominance. He realised immediately what Ianto had meant when he'd called him cold. The guy was like ice to the touch. The shivers it produced lost him his edge and his gun was wrenched from his hand and thrown aside.

"That wasn't very nice,' the other Jack sneered and kneed him straight in the balls. "Or very smart.'

Jack instantly folded, unable to do anything except try to bear out the pain for the moment. "Who are you?' he wheezed at the man now standing over him, smirking.

"Not sure. I fell through the Rift and landed here. They welcomed me home with open arms.' He chuckled. "What else could I do but stick around?'

"I'll kill you,' Jack growled and made for his gun.

His doppelganger grabbed him by the feet and dragged him back. "Ah ah. I'm not the one heading for a body bag. I like it here. A lot. And that means that you need to die. It just so happens I have an easy way to make that happen.' Not-Jack fell over him, restrained his hands and kissed him.

Jack tried heard to scream at the pain and found he couldn't. His whole world narrowed down to the agony at the core of his body, like fire was being ripped through every sensitive nerve and tendon. Just as his vision started to go furry around the edges he was released. Jack slipped back, staring up at himself, half fighting half surrendering the familiar feel of death's grip.

The doppelganger got to his feet, gasping for breath. Suddenly he didn't look so pale anymore. "Hey it didn't work. You're not dead. How...? Hold on a second... I feel alive.' He checked his pulse. "I am alive. Holy fucking shit!'

And suddenly he was fumbling his crotch. "I'm hard! YES! Oh fuck, baby, how I've missed you.' He stroked the bulge in a way which made Jack want to crawl away and actually die somewhere. "Don't look at me like that,' he sneered, "do you know what it's like living for centuries with no fucking ability to have sex? No pulse and no blood moving to get it up. No? Then you can fuck off.' He spun around. "Where the hell's Ianto? Ianto!? Get your ass here right now! IANTO!'

"Fuck you. Sorry, I mean fuck you Sir.'

They all had to search around for the origin of the voice. They found Ianto standing at the top of the steps, holding a very large harpoon gun in his hands. Jack recognised it as the one from his office.

"It's all obvious if you think about it. The way I understand it, you're Jack's opposite; an “anti-Jack”, if you will,' he said, with more calm and composure than any of them could ever have expected, all things considered. "Who knows where you're from? Frankly I don't think it matters. But you're both Jack. Except not. His kisses bring life; yours bring death. He's alive forever; you're dead, or undead I suppose, forever. Except, not right now.' The harpoon gun shifted position as he aimed it. "Right now you've done something to each other; caused a polarisation or something. You've made yourselves vulnerable. Right now, I could kill you.'

Anti-Jack regarded him closely with a steely gaze. Then he started to smile, cockily. "You don't have the...'

His head splattered as a sharp titanium harpoon exploded his skull and he slumped in a heap. Owen and Toshiko both looked utterly stunned.

"That was for Gwen,' he growled, under his breath, as the harpoon gun fell from his hands. He stumbled down the steps, weakly and ran to Jack.

He lifted him up into his arms, tenderly. "Jack, you're vulnerable too now but it won't last long,' Ianto whispered, trying to keep it just between them. "If you... if you want to... I knew how you always wanted to die because you've lived for so long. I knew the pain it caused you. And right now... you have a chance that might not come again. What...' he paused for a moment to claw back the tears that were threatening to break out in his eyes, "...what do you want me to do?'

"What do you want?' he asked, slowly, having to push his words out of his chest carefully to be understood.

"Iwantyoutoliveandstayhereandneverleavemeagaineverpleasedon'tgo,' Ianto gasped, all at once, and looked away in embarrassment.

Jack stared up at his battered face, and then aside to an unnaturally hunched-in Owen, seeming very cold and exposed in his boxers, and a shaking Toshiko, who looked like a lost and frightened little girl, all wrapped up in bandages and tears. He knew in that moment that he couldn't abandon them. Not again. Even though he had a hunch he would live to regret his decision many many times, he knew the answer

"I have a headache. Ask me again tomorrow,' he said, and nuzzled into the warmth of Ianto's arms.

V.

"Hold on a second,' the Doctor peered out from behind the console he was working on. "We just said goodbye, didn't we? Tears and everything! I thought you said you were staying here?'

Jack paced back and forth, rubbing his forehead agitatedly, fighting to catch his breath from running back so fast.

"What's wrong?' Martha asked, putting her hand on his shoulder in concern.

"Owen and Gwen are engaged, Toshiko and the pterodactyl appear to have swapped bodies and Ianto is eight months pregnant. Doctor... I changed my mind. Get me out of here!'

 

VI.

"Francesca Lindenberg-Smithe, I presume.'

She looked up from her desk — his desk — and narrowed her eyes. It made her look positively stone-faced. Then she stood up, showing off her tailor-made, very expensive looking brown skirt suit, leaning a little over the desk in a threatening manner. "That's Lady Lindenberg-Smithe to you. You are not welcome here, Captain Harkness. Torchwood takes a very dim view of those who consort with our enemy.'

He opened his mouth to speak but was promptly cut right off.

"Don't try to deny it. We have footage of you leaving with the Doctor. What is more, you appeared to know him. You are a traitor and you are not welcome. Now, leave, or I'll have you removed. This is no longer your command.'

He snorted, incredulously and folded his arms, making it perfectly clear that he meant to remain put right where he was. "Lady Lindenberg-Smithe, I'm not leaving here until you tell me what you've done to my team.'

One of her eyebrows raised into her hairline. "That is none of your concern.'

"You're kidding right? They're acting like a bunch of clockwork toys and you expect me not to want to know why?' He shuddered. It had been so unnatural seeing Ianto staring right through him, not blinking, speaking only when spoken to like some kind of animatronic waxwork. Even worse had been the sight of Owen and Toshiko sat at their desks, actually working; typing away in unison clatter, not moving a muscle, not blinking, not speaking and not even reacting to him. Gwen wasn't much better. They were like robots; like the mechanised inhabitants of a colourful kids' theme park ride; empty, soulless automatons, every last one of them. "What have you done with them? Or to them?'

"As I said before, Captain, that is not your concern.' She tucked her chin downwards for a moment. "Jones, show this gentleman out.'

Almost immediately Ianto entered the office. He took hold of Jack's arm and tried to take him away. Jack pulled out of his grip, threw him out of the door so fast he was unlikely to land on his feet, and slammed it behind him. "It wasn't a request,' he said, with just enough edge to his voice to let her know he meant business.

The new boss of Torchwood Three glared at him for a long while, sizing him up. "Torchwood demands efficiency,' she said, finally, jaw set firmly in anger, though her tone was entirely dispassionate. "This bunch of rejects and strays you assembled were the most incompetent, inefficient, downright catastrophic excuse for a team I had ever had the misfortune to be put in command of. Is it any wonder the world almost ended on your watch?'

Ianto entered the room again like a cuckoo springing from a clock and Jack threw him out a second time, exactly as before.

Lindenberg-Smithe circled around the desk, expression telling him that she wasn't going to give in to him and that she had no intention of pulling her punches either. "Everything you ever did led to disaster after disaster. They were a liability and you know it. However, I believe that no one is redeemable. I did what I had to do to allow them to live up to their full potential; to be efficient.' She said the word with undue pride, as if it was, to her, the highest level of attainment imaginable.

Jack should have frowned her words but instead he smiled. And it took her back far more than an expression of anger would have done. Slowly, he began to circle around her desk, casting his gaze all around the room as he did. "I like what you've done with the place. Not quite a feminine touch. More of a Spanish Inquisitioner's touch? But pleasant nonetheless in its own way.'

"You aren't funny, Captain.'

"Neither are these drapes,' he replied, brushing his hand over the hideous red pieces of fabric serving as decoration.

Once more Ianto entered the room like clockwork, still robotically attempting to follow the command given to him. With Lindenberg-Smithe distracted for a moment, Jack took the opportunity to dive into her desk draw. What he found inside looked exactly the ticket, though he couldn't be sure exactly. He yanked the piece of technology out and smashed it against the wall to test out his hunch.

The moment it shattered, Ianto dropped to his knees, clutching at his neck. He blinked a few times, grimacing like he had a bad taste in his mouth. His expression softened immeasurably when he saw the man standing behind the desk. "Jack?'

He threw him a fond, reassuring smile before getting back to the task at hand. There would be time for that later. Much time. Jack ripped down the drapes and dumped them into the woman's hands. Then he sat down at his desk and put his feet up. She watched on in outrage, stuttering for words.

"Lady Lindenberg-Smithe, it appears your time here is up. Get out or I will have you thrown out.'

"You can't do this...!' she screeched.

"Oh, and I'd like you to deliver a message for me,' he added, ignoring her. "Tell Torchwood One that Jack is back and he's not going anywhere. And if you, or any of your kind ever, I mean ever, fuck with my team again I will tear you down and destroy you one by one. I'd memorise those words if I were you. If they don't get the message, I'll be forced to tell it to them in person. Trust me, you don't want that.'

She glared at him, promising revenge in her eyes. Determined hands sealed around her shoulders before any actual threats could be made and she was spun around towards the door. Ianto threw Jack a quick smile, which returned in kind, and escorted her out.

Jack swept all of her junk off his desk right into the bin and settled back in his chair.


VII.

"Hey, you guys, wait up.'

Ianto, Toshiko and Owen turned around and had a quick exchange of glances.

"I thought you were sticking around in the base with Gwen,' Owen said.

"Is this one for me?' Jack grabbed one of the Starbucks cups from Ianto with one hand and snaked the other around his back to pull him close.

Ianto smiled, inwardly, fighting the blush on his cheeks. Though this wasn't exactly new for them, he was not quite sure how to deal with the way Jack had thrown their relationship out in the open and started up with all kinds of public displays of affection. Not that he was complaining or anything; the kiss Jack had given him after he'd managed to come back from the dead against all the odds, when Ianto had been certain the way he'd betrayed Jack meant that it was over between them, had been the single most wonderful thing he could ever remember experiencing. It wasn't that he didn't like the way Jack was fawning over him; more that he didn't quite know how to react to it in front of the others.

Jack returned the grin Toshiko gave them and took a sip of the drink Ianto had been carefully bringing back for him. "Mmm, perfect. Thank you.' He kissed him on the cheek and covertly squeezed his ass. "You always know what I like.' He wasn't about to tell him that any coffee in the world would have tasted good to him after six months travelling on the TARDIS with no coffee machine and no Ianto. That was a story he had no plans on sharing.

"I try my best.'

Owen rolled his eyes, mostly just to disguise the fact that he wasn't quite over the shock of finding out they really were doing it. He'd always thought it they were just kidding around when they flirted, and that maybe Ianto had a bit of a thing for Jack. In hindsight he could see it all now. It was actually pretty obvious. "Get a room,' he muttered.

"I intend to,' Jack said and nibbled Ianto's ear.

Toshiko hit hysterics.

Nervously, Ianto ducked his head and chuckled. That only made Jack want him more. He'd never managed to get him acting like a shrinking violet before since, as far as he remembered, Ianto was always pretty confident behind closed doors when it came to sex, in all the ways that had consistently pushed his buttons. Apparently he wasn't much of an exhibitionist though, and oh did that open up a few new ideas in his somewhat sex-starved brain.

He kept his arm around Ianto all the way back to the Hub. After all, he'd been looking forwards to having Ianto back in his arms again for absolutely ages. There was not a minute to waste.

Gwen was standing in the middle of the base, looking perplexed. She turned around when they entered and looked even more confused seeing Jack.

"Wh... you were just...' she began.

"Let's go sit down, I'm parched,' he cut her off, leading the way over to the seating area hurriedly.

Owen dumped one of the coffees he was carrying into Gwen's hands and continued along, pulling up a chair as he did.

Slowly, Gwen joined them, looking at Jack warily. "How did you...?'

He distracted her for a moment by grabbing Ianto and making him sit across on his lap.

"Jack! Stop it...' Ianto protested, until Jack kissed him. At first he was tense. Slowly he relaxed into Jack's arms and they both lost themselves for a minute.

The sound of Owen complaining brought them back.

There was only one thing on Jack's mind now. And he honestly couldn't find it in himself to wait around. Six months without Ianto in his arms had been torture. "Sorry, I'll buy you more later,' he told Ianto as he took the coffee cup from his hand and handed it to Tosh. He encouraged him to his feet and stood up next to him.

"Where are you going?' Tosh asked.

"Take a guess.' He picked Ianto up and literally threw him right over his shoulder, ignoring his horrified protests.

"But...' Gwen began, still looking utterly mystified.

"Don't wait up!'

He ran for the steps.

"Owen, help!' Ianto yelled, reaching back for them.

"You brought this on yourself mate!' came the reply, and Owen laughed.

Jack carried Ianto up the stairs and they disappeared inside his office.

"What's the matter Gwen?' Tosh asked, concerned at her complete lack of amusement, when she and Owen were practically in tears.

"Something...' She looked between them, trying to find words to explain the weirdness that had just occurred, with Jack disappearing one minute only to show up with the others. "Never mind.' Gwen sipped at her coffee.

Jack was back, so it didn't really matter, she supposed.

***