Title: The Mumbles
By: DataAngel (TheNinth) (previously mickeylover303)
Pairing: gen
Rating: G
Summary: For the prompt: Torchwood, Jack Harkness+team, Giant Enemy Crab. Requested by mtxref_fic.

***

Gwen marveled at how calm the others were when Jack drove. Tosh managed to type and run equipment despite Jack's tendency to take turns so fast that she nearly slid off her seat several times. Owen was actually capable of napping even as the Rover bounced and shimmied. Ianto sat in the passenger seat, eyes on both a map and a guidebook. Gwen, despite being belted in, held the edge of her seat in a white-knuckled grip.

"Tell me that again, Ianto?" Jack turned his head to look directly at Ianto when he spoke. Gwen held her breath.

"Eyes forward, sir," Ianto said placidly. "And it's called The Mumbles."

"It's actually called The Mumbles? That's not a local nickname or anything?" Jack started to turn his head again but caught Ianto's glare and kept his attention (seemingly) on the road.

Gwen stopped holding her breath for this. "Hang on. We're going to Swansea? You never said we were going to Swansea!"

"That a problem?"Jack used the mirror to look at her, rather than risk Ianto's wrath.

"None at all. That's just where I grew up is all."

"Did you ever meet Catherine Zeta Jones?" Owen asked without seeming to wake up.

"No, but I knew people who knew her. She was quite the wild child."

"Rawr" said Jack.

"You know Bracelet, then." Ianto said.

"Beach, yeah. Bit of alien tech washed up there?"

"Something like that," Ianto said enigmatically.

Soon they were rounding a curve. The beach was in view. The sky was blue, the clouds were high and white, and the sand was deserted except for one very large -- one very very large -- crab. One pincer waving menacingly, apparently irritated by the gulls that were milling above it.

Jack parked what he hoped was a safe distance away. That claw looked like it could crush the Rover -- never mind what it would do to human flesh and bone -- and he had no way to judge how fast it could move on land.

The team slowly spilled out of the car and studied the crab.

Then Ianto sighed. "We are going to need more zest than one lime will give us."

(bonus recipe)

***