Title: Overture
Author: carrymary
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A short story from Ianto's POV about his relationship with Jack.

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Oh, Jack.

I'm sorry. For everything really, for all those things I should never have done but did, and for all those things I did but should never have done. I'm sorry for hiding Lisa in the Hub, even though you have to believe me when I say that I really saw no other option. I just wanted her back, Jack, the woman I loved. You of all people should be able to understand that. I'm no different than you. I only wanted to keep with me what I love, just like you. I think that's no more than human, trying to find a way to break nature's rules so that I could extend my time with Lisa. I don't regret what I've done, keeping her alive while searching the world for a cure. I should have done it differently though. Not in the Hub perhaps, but even if I hadn't, I should have asked your help. First of all, because you might have been able to get me to my senses before it was too late, and secondly, well, because Owen is a brilliant doctor and Tosh is an even more brilliant technician. If anyone could have helped me, it would have been you. I only see that now, now that it is too late. And God, Jack, I can't even start to tell you how sorry I am for what happened in the Hub. I nearly got you killed. All of you. I should never have allowed that to happen. Everything that happened that night, all of it, it's all my fault, and I take full responsibility for that, even though it was out of my control.

Yes, I am sorry I hid myself from you. But all the grief, all the pain, the void I tumbled into after Canary Wharf... I was still dazed and confused, and to be honest, I was hiding from myself. It was still too early to be exposed to other human contact again, with everything still so fresh in my mind. But now, after you killed... no, after you saved me from Lisa, from the past, I release that I owe you everything I have in my life now. I now know where my loyalty lies Jack, and that's with the team. But most of all, my loyalty lies with you, Jack.

I guess all the events of that night have forced me to look at myself again, to finally put the past out of my thoughts and continue living in the present for a change. And who knows, maybe I'll dare and take a glimpse of the future as well one day. But not yet. It's still too early for that. It's still to fresh. But I'm living in the now again, clinging onto work, to Torchwood. And, well, to you, I guess. Truth be told, I have been admiring you since I followed that Weevil, hoping I would attract your attention. When you flirted with me, I flirted back, even though I shouldn't have, since I was still in love with Lisa. But just seeing you was enough to keep me sane at times, and the hope you gave me that perhaps, who knows, one day, something more between us could happen sent butterflies to my stomach. Just the thought of being in your arms, close to you, while you take all my sorrow and pain, all my angst and nightmares away from me for even an instant actually helped me through it all. You gave me hope, strength, and another reason to keep on fighting, even though, deep down inside, I knew I'd never get my Lisa back again. And all that time, I must have been just another flirt to you. I'm nothing but a pretty boy whose remarks and wit flatter you, and that's that.

I just wish that, after all that's happened, you'd just, for once, look at me, and actually see me. That you'd actually hear me out and that you'd try to understand me, feel me. That perhaps you'd notice how I feel about you despite what happened between us that night. God, Jack, why won't you just walk up to me and finally kiss me after all your flirting, or touch me even?

Because I think that you, of all people, could actually heal me. I think you'd make me better, make me forget everything and make me love and dream and cherish and hope again. You'd make me live again, Jack, by just holding me in your arms, by just holding me close, telling me it's alright and that I'll be fine.

Please, Jack. See me. Feel me, touch me.

Heal me.

***