Title: Peach Schnapps & Bonding
Author: hobbitz4peace
Pairing: circumstantial Ianto/Owen, legitimate Ianto/Jack
Disclaimer: Please, don't sue me The Beeb
Rating: Owen's in it so automatic PG-13
Summary: Ianto and Owen's Big Night Out.
Notes: I would love to see a scene in TW where Ianto and Owen get ridiculously drunk and Jack has to come save them...this is my interpretation of that scene.

***

Ianto and Owen's Big Night Out, as Owen had dubbed it, seemed innocent enough. Go out to a few pubs, maybe a club or two, no co-workers, no pulling, no drama; just getting drunk and having a good time together... 'bonding'.

"Where to first Yan?"

"I don't know. I'm not that into the whole pub/club scene."

"Club X it is!" said Owen walking briskly toward Charles Street.

"But that's a gay club!" exclaimed Ianto, rushing to catch up.

Owen stopped and waited for the Welshman "I thought you weren't into the whole pub/club scene?"

"I dabble"

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"You see this isn't so bad," Owen knocked back his third shot since they had entered the pulsing club, "two fit young men, enjoying a night out with good booze, good tunes, and-Oh my God! I didn't think it was physically possible for a persons tongue to be that far down someone's throat"

Like Owen, Ianto hadn't failed to notice the various states of undress and intimacy the hoards of men-and some women as well-were in. And also like Owen, Ianto was masking his nervousness with alcohol-except he was ahead by two shots...and a beer...or two.

"So are we just going to stand by the bar all night and get smashed?"

Owen ordered them both another shot. "I hadn't really thought that far ahead yet, but I'm still way too sober to be out on that dance floor."

Ianto accepted the shot placed in front of him and knocked it back, grimacing slightly as it burned his throat.

"Peach Schnapps?! Really Owen? I mean come on"

"I'm feeling fruity!" Owen decided to emphasize his point with a wobbly twirl and a slap on Ianto's ass.

"Owen!"

"When in Rome Mr, Jones. Heh. That rhymed."

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The music changed, the light alternated from a pulsing strobe to dancing colours, all the while the two men continued to knock'em back, abandoning straight up liquor for shots with names like 'Blowjob', 'Tossed Salad', and '69 Snowball'.

"Now Teaboy," Owen grabbed Ianto by his belt loops and dragged him onto the dance floor "

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
RING

RING

Jack Harkness fumbled around blindly looking for his mobile, which continued to chime and light up.

"Hello?"

"Jack! Hooray we're saved!"

"Owen?" Jack sat bolt upright knowing that Owen never called his phone unless it was an emergency or he was-

"Ianto wake up, Jack picked up...Ianto?"

Jack heard the distinct sound of a foot coming into contact with a prone body.

"Owen, what's going on? What's wrong with Ianto?"

There was a pause before anyone answered. "I have a seekit to tell you Jack."

"A seekit?"

"Yes, a huuuuuge seekit, but you can't tell no ones Jack. Promise?

"Yes Owen," Jack held back a snort "I'll keep your seekit." Jack had to cover the receiver while he finally allowed his snort to escape.

"I think Ianto and I are," there was a chuckle "I think we're shit faced!" Owen burst into a fit of giggles.

Jack allowed Owen a moment or two to collect himself before he attempted to respond. "It sounds like you guys passed shit-faced ten miles back, and have arrived at fucking hammered. Put Ianto on the phone."

"I can't"

"Why?" Jack asked, slightly concerned.

"He's on the floor."

"Well can you get him up?

There was the sound of rustling, a few thumps, and some incoherent mumbling.

"No."

"All right, where are you guys?" Jack said with a sigh, pulling on his great coat and grabbing the keys to the SUV.

"Club X"

"The gay club?" Jack was more amused than shocked by this revelation. A thousand images popped into his head, each one dirtier than the last.

"Yes, the gay club. Arrr you gonna come n' gets us or what Harkness."

"Stay where you are"

"Easy peasey lemon squeezy"

"Oh Christ"

Owen hit the END button on his mobile and turned toward Ianto's prone body.
"Arr Captain is comin' to saves us"

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THUNK

"OH GOD"

The main light of the Hub blazed on as Toshiko made her way through the cog door.

"Good morning! Where is-Oh my God! Owen, is that you?"

"The lights, the lights, turn off the fucking lights"

Tosh giggled as she crouched down to place a gentle hand on the sickly doctor.

"Morning Tosh." Jack came out of his office "Would you mind making a coffee run?" He pointed to both of the bodies-Owen on the floor, Ianto on the couch-and mouthed the words "black" and "venti".

"Sure thing Jack" Toshiko grabbed her purse and exited quickly through the cog door.

"Ianto? Where's Ianto?" Owen attempted to sit up and realized al too quickly that getting up-or even moving-were not options for him at that point and time."Ianto's on the couch Owen, relax. Though I heard you two had quite the night." Jack didn't even attempt to hide the smug smile that played across his face. "Peach Schnapps, 'bonding', and apparently Ianto has the best ass in the universe."

"Who told you that?"

"You"

Owen moaned and covered his head with the blanket, not just because he was horribly-no, atrociously embarrassed to have admitted to his boss that one of his co-workers had an amazing ass, but also do to the fact that the overhead lights made his eyes feel like they were going to fall out of his skull. Owen wished that Jack would just Retcon him, so he could forget every last detail of Ianto and Owen's Big Night Out, which was slowly becoming Ianto and Owen's Big Day of Crying and Puking.

"Don't worry about it Owen, no one else heard you besides me and Ianto, and I don't think he will be remembering anything any time soon."

There was stir coming from the couch, which startled both men. Ianto rolled over, and mumbled "Thank you Owen, but Jack' is way better."

END

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