Title: The Scheme or The Captain, the Hat and the Cell Phone
By: Euphrosyne
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: NC-17

The box was sitting on Jack’s desk. Where it had come from no one but Jack seemed to know. Ianto thought that was odd as he vetted most of the mail that did come through the visitor’s kiosk that served as cover for their ‘normal’ entrance and as such he saw and knew everything. 

Until now. 

 Jack must have picked this up himself. Perhaps he’d gone out shopping and had whatever it was boxed up. The problem was this was not a shop box but the kind of box that things were shipped in and that was the sort of information that drove Ianto crazy. 

 He’d looked. There HAD been an address label with return info but that had been carefully cut away to reveal the corrugated structure of the cardboard underneath. Jack knew Ianto’s insatiable curiosity and had obviously disposed of the evidence before his team had come into work. Ianto had searched, there was no evidence of the cut away label in the trash, and the small fireplace seemed to have had some recent use so he was sure it was completely gone. 

 There was no use asking Jack about it. If he’d gone to all that trouble then there was obviously something that he didn’t want anyone to know about. 

  He’d probably lock whatever it was into the secure storage with his new password. Since everyone now knew about the Rhea Silva password he’d gone and changed it…Owen and his big mouth, so now Ianto would have no way of accessing anything that Jack REALLY wanted hidden. Ianto could still get to the majority of the secure storage area using his own password, Jack had arranged that after the whole Owen and rift manipulator thing and then promptly changed his own password. 

As far as Ianto knew, he’d not even written this one down. He had no idea how they would ever access the area if something happened to Jack…then again, since he could never die what could possibly happen to him? Of course he could always vanish again and they would be left without being able to access the items Jack had chosen to secure in that area. He’d have to talk to Jack about that; what if there was something in there they should need while he was away? 

Ianto realized he was standing squarely in front of Jack’s desk staring down at that box while doing all this thinking right about the same time as he felt those blue eyes running up and down over his body. 

“Can I help you with something, Ianto?”

Ianto turned to see Jack leaning, arms crossed over his chest, against the door frame.

“Noo, nothing… I was… I was just..”

“Trying to figure out what’s in the box?”

“Box?...” No Jack would never fall for that “… that box? No, it’s obviously none of my business.”

“Very true. You know, contrary to popular belief… my entire life does not revolve around this place.”

That was a lie and both Jack and Ianto knew it; but Ianto was kind enough to not challenge him on it.

“Oh?”

Jack rolled his eyes and shoved himself from the doorframe then moved into the office.

“No it doesn’t.”

“Whatever you say, Jack.” 

 Jack didn’t like the way he’d said that, but reserved comment and walked passed Ianto to the desk. He deliberately ignored the box and started to shuffle items around then looked Ianto in the eye.

“Could you manage a latte for me?”

“The usual?”

“No, make it with an extra shot.”

“That would be THREE shots then?”

Odd, that…. Jack rarely asked for an extra shot.

“Yeah, I think I’ll need the extra caffeine…work to do.” 

That phrase always got Ianto’s blood flowing; usually very quickly and well away from his brain. If Jack knew what that phrase did to him, he didn’t let on, he opened a file drawer and removed a folder before sitting down at his desk and starting to read through the folder contents.

Ianto paused waiting for any further information and then getting none, he turned to leave.

“Oh, Ianto?”

Ianto stopped and turned but Jack didn’t even lift his eyes from the folder in front of him.

“Yes?”

“Any of those croissants left from breakfast?”

“No, sorry, I think Tosh had the last one. Did you want me to go get you something else?”

“No that’s okay, maybe later.”

“Are you sure? It’s no trouble.” Ianto sighed

“No, thanks.” Jack never lifted his head as Ianto left the room; but a coy smile spread slowly across his face. 

When Ianto returned with the latte, Jack was working on a pile of ‘eyes only’ folders that was about 4 inches deep. He looked up only briefly to greet Ianto and accept the cup then took a sip and sat it down before again picking up his pen.

“Thanks, Ianto.”

“You’re welcome. Do you need anything else?”

“No, I’m good, thanks…” Jack glanced at his watch before speaking again, gaze turned back down to the folder contents.

 “… nearly quitting time for you lot.”

“Yep.”

“Have a good evening.”

“You too. Don’t work too late.”

“I won’t.” 

 Ianto waited in case Jack wanted to say something else… anything else… and was disappointed when nothing was forthcoming. He finally left the office, Jack watched out of the corner of his eye as Ianto headed down the stairs back into the common area. 

 He felt a little guilty playing with Ianto like this; but figured the end would justify the means. Jack bided his time with the folders into which he’d stuffed blank papers to make them look full.  He doodled some and kept one eye on the common area. As usual, Gwen was the first out. She was the only one who really had any reason to be and could almost always be counted on to be the first out the door. 

This evening Owen followed closely, perhaps he had a date. Tosh would always linger, she hated to leave anything undone; but never even considered NOT starting something because of the time. 

Jack was getting bored waiting for her to go. There was even a chance that Ianto would leave before her in which case Jack’s plan was screwed. He looked up in time to see Ianto holding Tosh’s coat for her. She slipped into the sleeves and Jack started to prepare. Ianto and Tosh headed for the door both glancing up at the office. Tosh opened the door and Jack cleared his throat and called out. 

“IANTO! IANTO, CAN YOU BRING ME ANOTHER LATTE?”

The last minute request had the desired effect. Tosh and Ianto spoke for a moment then Tosh left and Ianto headed for the coffee machine. In the time it took for Ianto to steam the milk and grind the beans for the espresso shot Jack was busy in the office. 

He slit the lid of the box and unwrapped the contents. There were two of them.

“Bless you, Martha Jones!” Jack pushed the box onto the floor behind the desk and walked into the boardroom to hide. When he got there he quickly shed his clothes…all of his clothes, and waited. 

Ianto tried hard not to be perturbed. He frothed the milk and adorned the steaming latte with the thick foam Jack loved. Why did he wait until he was about to leave to ask for another latte?  

It was just like Jack…he’d been working and lost all track of time. Ianto figured that by the time he’d gotten up to the office Jack would also be hungry and want something to eat. 

  He wiped the steam nozzle and flipped the switch off before dumping the grounds into the bin. He walked up the steps mug in hand and headed into the office. 

Jack was no longer behind the desk. Where had he gone now? Ianto put the cup down on the desk and looked around. 

“Are you looking for me?” The voice was throaty and seductive.

Ianto closed his eyes at the immediate response of his body to that voice. 

“I’ve brought your latte, Jack. I was just heading home, did you need anything else?” 

Ianto turned towards the voice and his jaw dropped open.

Oh it was Jack alright.  

He stood in the office doorway, wearing a red, UNIT cap…

Correction…

He was wearing TWO red, UNIT caps…

and nothing else…

The one on his head was set at a jaunty angle and the other one was draped…or rather hanging from his crotch. 

“Martha sent each of us a cap. Want to guess which one’s yours?” 

Jack was also wearing the biggest grin Ianto had ever seen, big enough that Ianto had a hard time taking his eyes off the man’s face to look at the ‘other’ cap. 

“The red one?” Ianto finally managed although his pants were quickly becoming uncomfortably tight. 

“ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! And guess what you’ve won?”

“A red UNIT cap?”

“Can’t fool you! Are you going to claim your prize then?”

The cap dangled, just begging to be lifted. 

Ianto started across the room. Jack stopped him.

“Uh uh…not like that… you need to be correctly undressed to claim your prize.”

 
Ianto, usually fairly patient and methodical in his undressing started to strip clothes off and toss them. The shoes flipped one way and the other; the tie flew across the desk followed by the coat and shirt. He stepped on the toe of each sock and pulled his foot out then dropped his pants in a puddle with his shorts.

In three steps Ianto was naked and across the room standing in front of Jack. 

“I believe you have something for me?” Ianto stared into his face. 
“Well then, claim your prize.” 

Ianto leaned forward and kissed him as Jack reached between them for the cap. His hand was stopped by Ianto taking his wrist.

“Let me.” 

Ianto dropped to his knees and removed the cap, handing it up to Jack before opening his mouth to engulf the man in one motion.

Jack gasped at the heat and then smiled and then firmly settled the red cap onto Ianto’s head as it started to bob.

Jack allowed Ianto a few moments before reaching for his upper arm. 

“Enough. I have other plans for you, Ianto.”

Ianto stood up and adjusted the cap on his head before being engulfed in an embrace.

 
“Red, really is your color, Ianto.”

“Thank you. You look pretty good in it as well.”

“Well it’s hard for me to look bad in anything.” Jack shrugged.

“So it seems Martha came through after all.”

“Good old reliable Martha. I knew I could depend on her. The thing is when I asked she told me to get my own uniforms. Then just before she left she told me she’d spoken with you and would be sending a package for us. What did you say to her?” 

Ianto smiled coyly.

“Don’t even try it.” 
“She asked if you and I were… a couple.”

“And you told her?”

“Of course, she wanted to know how… you… were… in bed.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” 
“Why?”

“I have no idea.” 
“And of course you told her?” 
“I told her you were innovative…”

“Oh?”

“…bordering on the avant-garde.”

“Thank you! And did that satisfy her curiosity?”

“Apparently.” 

“We’ll call her later…and let her listen in.” 
“Jack!”

“What?”

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“Oh please, Ianto where’s your sense of fun?”

“Jack, my sense of fun draws the line at making obscene phone calls.” 
“Well that’s just because you haven’t done it right…just wait…you’ll see!” 

Ianto just shook his head. This was probably going to happen whether he liked it or not.

“Why can’t we just send a thank you note?”

“You get the lube, I’ll get the cell phone.” Jack stepped around Ianto and moved towards his desk. 

 Ianto pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, once Jack had his mind set on a particular game he would be hard pressed to divert his attention. 

 Ianto just stood watching as Jack walked naked to the desk and picked up his cell phone then he reached for Ianto’s hand as he passed on his way to the hatch in the floor.

“Come on now, work to do!”

With that single phrase Ianto automatically succumbed to anything Jack was planning. 

Jack played Ianto’s body like an instrument. He always did, it drove Ianto mad and Jack knew it. There was a precise order that Jack had set and always used to work Ianto into a frenzy.

Neck…

Nipples…

Then thighs…

Belly…

And finally after Ianto was well and truly wound so tight he thought he would explode… finally… cock. 

 Ianto tried to give as good as he got but Jack distracted him so much that it was sometimes difficult. Fortunately, the responses he elicited in Ianto seemed to arouse Jack even further if that was possible. 

Still wearing the red cap Jack knelt over Ianto and picked up the lube. Ianto prepared himself by adjusting his hips and was surprised when Jack squeezed some into his hand and slathered it onto Ianto’s cock before rolling off to the side to lie on his back. 

“Jack?”

“Your turn.” Jack wiped the rest of the lube on his own cock as Ianto lifted his legs and pressed forward. He knee walked into position and stared down into Jack’s face. 

When his eyes opened a smile dawned across his face as Ianto started to move. The more Ianto moved the bigger the smile until finally he picked up the cell phone. 

“Noo…Jack…”

“Oh yeah, I think our Martha deserves to hear what she’s inspired, don’t you?” 

By this time, Ianto could not muster the brain cells to respond and the half lidded eyes and breathy grunts told Jack he’d made the right choice in allowing Ianto to top this time. 

Speed dial…

Ringing…

Then Martha’s voice…

“Hello, Jack!... I guess you got the package then?”

“Ohh.. Ianto and I wanted… we wanted… to thank…you.” Jack managed between Ianto’s thrusts. Then he stopped talking and just laid the phone on his belly where she could hear every slap of flesh, grunt and gasp. 

“Jack? What’s going on? What’s that noise?”

In another moment she guessed the answer to her own question.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you! You’re…you’re rubbish!” 

Jack smiled and encouraged Ianto.

“Oh yeah…that hat looks sooo good on you, Ianto…more…harder…yessss.”

“You hear me, Jack Harkness? You’re rubbish…how could you call me while you’re…” Martha’s rant petered out sentence unfinished. Jack glanced at the screen of the cell phone, the connection was still live. 

So Martha Jones is a voyeur, huh? Well, he’d give her the audio show of her life. 

He picked up the cell and laid it next to his hip before turning his attention to Ianto, who was quickly climbing towards orgasm. Jack was never quiet when having sex; but he was making a special effort now to be as vocal as possible. Ianto, deep in his lust knew that; but the additional commentary and just the thought that someone else was witness was egging him on, all his shyness lost. 

“That…hat…brings…out the…color… in your cheeks… Ianto.” Jack chuffed out making certain it was loud enough to be heard over the phone. 

The gasping and slapping continued for some time and… when he remembered, Jack occasionally glanced at the screen of the phone to make sure the connection was still open. Ianto angled his thrusts now, making sure to stroke as deep as he could. 

“JACK!” Ianto gasped as he came then collapsed forward planting wet kisses all over Jack’s face and neck. He reached down between them and brought Jack to his very loud finish. 

“OH GOD, IANTO….YES!”

“That was…amazing, Jack.” Ianto sighed into the side of Jack’s ear. Jack kissed him quickly and then picked up the telephone.

“We should thank Martha, don’t you think Ianto?”

“Thank you, Martha.” Ianto said quietly. 

“Yes, thank you Martha. We’re enjoying the hats, but we have to go now. Ianto and I want to take a bath and I don’t have a place for the cell phone.” Jack smirked into the phone and Ianto draped himself across Jack taking the phone from his hand. 

“Enough, Jack… goodbye, Martha.” Ianto snapped the phone shut and dropped it onto the table. 

“Well?... what do you know? She didn’t hang up… I knew I liked that girl the first time I met her.” 
“You’re incorrigible…”

“Yes, but you knew that.”

“…Yes, yes, I did but what worries me is that I’m starting to enjoy these little stunts of yours as much as you do.” Ianto sighed. 

“Now…about that bath.”

“Can I keep the hat on?” Ianto asked.

“For a while, later I’ll get out the handcuffs and we can play prisoner and interrogator.”

“Ooo, I love that game…” Ianto climbed over Jack and out of the bed “…I’ll run the tub.” 

fin