Title: Watching and Wanting
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Owen Harper
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 30_forbidden
Prompt: 20, Afar
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Owen Harper, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor settled back into the chair in Jack's office, casually looking down at the people in the Hub below him. It was advantageous, Jack having his office above the others; they could both look down and see everything that was going on around them.

And the people. They could look at the other members of Torchwood without it being know that they were observing. They could keep their secrets in silence.

Jack probably wasn't watching anyone in particular, of course. Maybe Ianto, but then, the Doctor had known from the moment he'd seen them together that Jack's interests now lay in that direction. He couldn't blame the immortal; Ianto was, after all, a very handsome young man.

But the Doctor's eyes kept straying to someone else, someone who he knew would never look at him in the same way. Someone who probably had barely even marked his existence, who hadn't shown the slightest bit of curiosity about him when Jack had introduced them.

Owen. The young doctor who was part of the team. The unreachable young doctor.

From what Jack had told him, Owen was still trying to get over being left by someone he'd fallen in love with; the Doctor knew how that felt. Not the "falling in love" part, of course, but he knew how it felt to be left behind.

He knew all too well how it felt when someone turned their back, told him that they had their own life to live and that he couldn't be a part of it. Even when he expected it to happen eventually, it always came as something of a shock.

What would Owen say if the Doctor told him that he could sympathize with how he was feeling? Would he turn away, too, shaking his head and not believing the words?

The Doctor sighed, resting his chin on one hand as he gazed down at Owen. It didn't do any good to look and wish; the young man certainly wasn't thinking of him. He probably thought that the Doctor was just another person from Jack's past -- no one special.

And he couldn't very well tell the young man just what he and Jack had meant to each other at one time; that would be letting too much of his own emotions show. Besides, Jack wouldn't want his personal life, even a part of it that was over and done with, to become public knowledge.

Ah, well. He couldn't always have what he wanted, could he? The Doctor grimaced at the way he'd mentally worded that thought. Sometimes, it seemed to him that he could never have what he wanted.

Not in a permanent way, at any rate. Look at what had happened to his relationship with Jack. It had ended, like everything in his life seemed to do.

He'd thought when he and Jack first became involved that it would be something out of a fairy tale, a romance to last forever. He'd quickly been disabused of that notion when he'd realized that even though Jack had a lover now, he wasn't going to stop flirting with everything in sight.

And that had been what eventually destroyed their relationship, taken them back to being merely friends. It had been hard, harder on him than it was on the immortal, he was sure. Jack's feelings had never gone as deeply as his own. He knew that.

But still, somewhere deep in a part of him that he kept hidden away, he'd thought .... maybe he'd be the one to make Jack feel differently .... The Doctor shook his head, trying to chase away those thoughts from his mind. It did no good to dwell on them now.

He and Jack had been over for some time. It was past time for him to bury those memories and put them to a final rest. Jack had, obviously.

It was harder for him than it was for Jack. After all, Jack hadn't been in love with him. He'd been fond of the Doctor, certainly. That was undeniable. But he sincerely doubted if he'd captured the immortal's heart, even though he'd tried his best.

They simply hadn't been meant to be. And he'd accepted that. He'd moved on.

Only to find himself longing after someone else that he couldn't have, someone who wouldn't be interested in him even if he could possibly divine the Doctor's feelings.

Feelings? He was startled to find himself thinking in that way. What was it exactly that he felt for Owen? He wanted the other man, certainly. He'd known that since he'd first met Owen, smiled at him and shaken his hand.

But that wasn't an emotional pull. It wasn't love. That was something that had to develop, to grow and be nurtured. What he felt for Owen was more along the lines of good old-fashioned lust. What Jack had felt for him when they'd first met.

Well, not when they'd first met. Jack may have been attracted to him when he'd been in his last body, but nothing had come to pass until he'd had this one. Then ..... the mutual attraction between the two of them had become too strong to ignore.

He surely couldn't think that he had any emotional pull towards Owen, other than sympathizing with the young man about being left by someone he'd cared for. He didn't know Owen well enough for that. Not yet. And he probably never would.

But he'd like to. Oh, how he'd like to. If only .....

No. It wasn't going to happen, he was sure of that. He'd be able to watch Owen, to talk with him, maybe even be a friend. But that would be all. He'd admire the young man from afar, and never let him know that there could possibly be anything more between them.

That was always his lot in life, wasn't it? To watch from afar, and never be able to admit that he felt more than he did. He had far too many reasons not to do so.

The Doctor sighed, his eyes flying from the office window to Jack's desk as soon as the sound was out of his mouth. He hoped Jack hadn't heard the wistful sound of that sigh -- or if he had, that he wouldn't remark on it.

But Jack didn't seem to have noticed; he didn't look up from what he was doing. Still, there was just the tiniest quirk of a smile lingering on his lips. So, he probably had heard -- and the Doctor was almost sure that the other man knew what was on his mind.

Jack wouldn't say anything. He never did, not these days; he would let whatever the Doctor felt go by as though it meant nothing, unless the Time Lord brought up the subject. And he knew better than to do that. It would only lead them into a conversation he didn't feel up to having.

He looked out of the window again, his eyes lingering on Owen as though he might be able to make the young man look up and meet his eyes. That was impossible, of course. He would have to content himself with just sitting here and looking.

This wasn't doing him any good. It was only making him feel worse, torturing himself with thoughts of what he couldn't have. But he couldn't tear his eyes away.

He had to. He couldn't just sit here and stare all day.

Reluctantly, he pulled his eyes away from the window, to turn around and look at Jack. To his surprise, the immortal's eyes were on him, studying him intently. He was sure that Jack knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling.

The immortal confirmed it when he raised his hand and saluted the Doctor without a word, that smile curving his lips again. His eyes moved to the door, as though giving the Doctor some kind of tacit permission to leave the room.

Should he? Did he dare do what he wanted to do, take the chance that his mind screamed at him would only end with him being rebuffed and feeling a fool?

The Doctor got up slowly, hesitantly making his way to the door, then turning around once to look back at Jack. The immortal glanced toward the window, then back at the Time Lord, raising his brows in a look that was half-questioning, half-challenging.

"Faint heart never won fair maiden. Or in this case, a good-looking man," he drawled, sitting back in his chair with a smile. "Go for it, Doc."

Returning the salute, the Doctor turned away from Jack, to head slowly down the stairs. He'd had enough of watching and wanting from afar. It was time to take matters into his own hands, and hope against hope that this time, they would work out in his favor.

***