Title: Words Fall Down
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Owen Harper
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 25, Intimidated
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Owen Harper, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

It feels really odd to me to be writing each other letters when I could just say this to you face to face. But you've said that you can be more eloquent and explain yourself better in writing than in speech, so maybe I can too. I'll give it a try, anyway.

It's been a while now since I made up my mind to stay here on the Tardis instead of going back to Earth and trying to pick up the threads of my life there. I made the right choice, really. I mean, what kind of a life do I have left on Earth?

I don't have family there any more. The only people who really care about me are the rest of the team at, and they've already moved on. Everybody else, the few friends I had outside of Torchwood .... they all think I'm dead. And for all intents and purposes, I am.

I didn't mean that like it might have sounded. I've never felt more alive than I do when I'm with you. I mean that I'm dead to my life on Earth. It's all behind me now; the Owen Harper that I was when I was grounded on Earth is dead and gone.

And you know something? I don't even miss him. There were so many things that I didn't like about myself back then, even though I would never have admitted it to anybody. I wouldn't even admit to myself that I could be a right bastard a lot of the time.

Ever since I've been here, I've felt like I have a new lease on life. The literal one that you gave me when you took me to New Earth, and the new life that I've been able to start with you. I like who I am a lot better now that I don't have all the baggage from my old life.

It sounds kind of ridiculous to say this, but I've become a new person, thanks to you. I've figured out that I don't have to hide what I feel or put up a front. With you, I can just be myself -- even if that self isn't the nicest person in the world at times.

When all this first started, I'll admit that I was really intimidated by you. I'd heard things about you from Jack, but you know how he is. He'll give you just enough information about something to tantalise you, and then hold the rest back behind that enigmatic little smile.

He never wanted to talk about you. I always thought that it was because he still loved you, and that he'd leave Torchwood again one day to be with you again. Knowing you the way I do now, I wouldn't blame him if he'd decided to do that.

But I'm glad he didn't. If he had, then I wouldn't have been given the chance of a new life. And I wouldn't have been given the chance to fall in love with you. Because I did, you know. Right from the beginning, even if I didn't always show it then.

I didn't want to admit that myself that I could be in love with you. For one thing, I didn't think you felt the same way about me. You're as good at hiding your feelings as Jack is! I didn't think there was any way you could possibly be interested in me romantically.

Honestly, you intimidated me right from the beginning. All the things I already knew about you just made me feel like you were on this pedestal, and that I didn't have the right to expect anything from you. It took me a while to get over that feeling.

The way our relationship started out didn't make me feel any less intimidated. I mean, even before we had an actual relationship. Just knowing that you could take me to a place that brought me back to life was enough to make me feel .... inferior, I guess.

I know you wouldn't see it that way. You took me to New Earth because you wanted to help me, not because you wanted anybody to think you were some kind of omnipotent being who could do anything. But I couldn't help looking at you in that way.

And then realising that I was falling in love with you .... that intimidated me more than little. I felt like I was falling for somebody who was so far above me that they'd just laugh if they knew how I felt, even though I knew you wouldn't be that cruel to anybody.

It took a while for that intimidation to fade away and for me to start feeling like I wasn't making a mistake by falling in love with you. I guess I was just scared that I was going to end up getting by feeling that way about someone I felt was so far above me.

But being with you here on the Tardis every day made me realise that you're not so far above me. You're not this wondrous person who can wave your hand and make things happen. You're a man with needs and desires, just like any other man.

I want to be the man who fulfills those desires. I want to be the one who's with you for the rest of our lives -- or however long a life I'm going to have this time around. A human life, a short one compared to yours, but a life that's going to be a full one.

This is more or less the third chance I've been given at having the kind of life I want. And this time, I've found the right person to fall in love with, the person I can be happy with for the rest of my life. This time, I'm not going to screw it all up.

I'm not going to let myself be intimidated any more. I'm going to throw myself into this relationship with all the passion I have in me. You deserve that. You deserve the best of everything, and I'm going to try to be the best person I can possibly be in every way.

That sounds kind of mushy and romantic coming from me, I know. I don't usually say things like that. But even if I don't say those words, rest assured that I'm feeling them. And that I'm going to try to live up to those feelings every day that we're together.

I'm not the kind of guy who finds it easy to say that they love somebody. It just doesn't come naturally to me. But with you, it's a lot easier than I thought it could ever be. Especially since the intimidation isn't there any more and I know you feel the same way about me.

So I'm saying those words, or rather, writing them. I love you. I've loved you from the beginning, and I always will. Usually, I let words fall down, and let actions speak for me. But I'm getting better at saying those words, and I'll keep saying them for the rest of our lives.

Love,

Owen

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