Title: Betrayal
By: marvola
Pairing: pre-slash Jack/Ianto & past Ianto/Lisa
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: It's something that's probably been done to death, but I thought I'd throw my own version of this into the ring as well. So to speak.
Summary: Jack's thoughts after Cyberwoman.

***

Later that night, after the cleanup was done, Jack sat down at his desk and poured himself a glass of Scotch. Ianto had left the Hub, unable to look at any of the team. Jack sighed, thinking about him. He had no idea if the Welshman would return to Torchwood. And if he returned, he had no idea if he'd stay. Jack wasn't sure if he even wanted him to. How could he trust Ianto after this, the ultimate betrayal.

Despite himself, Jack felt sympathy for the young man. Halfway through the cleanup operation, he had stopped to ask Ianto what had happened to the Japanese man he'd brought into the Hub and watched as a look of horror crossed Ianto's face. He didn't think it was possible but Ianto looked even more wretched than before. In the madness and his sorrow at losing Lisa, not just once but twice, Ianto had forgotten about Dr. Tanisaki. In silence, he'd led Jack to the cell where he'd stored the body and doubled up in pain as a wave of nausea hit him. 'I'm sorry' he croaked out. Jack's stern expression had dropped for a moment and he'd inadvertently reached out a hand to comfort Ianto before drawing it back. He wasn't yet ready to forgive.

He poured another glass of Scotch for himself before leaning back in his chair and rubbing a hand tiredly across his face. Ianto was a conundrum that he had no idea of how to solve. He knew the Welshman was sorry, but the ease at which he'd betrayed them bothered Jack. He considered himself a pretty good judge of character, and to have been let down by Ianto in such a spectacular fashion distressed him more than he could say. He sipped at his Scotch slowly as he ran through the events of the evening in his mind.

A thought occurred to Jack and he reached to his computer, tapping some keys and pulling up the CCTV footage of the previous few hours. Ianto had tried to delete some of it, but Tosh had managed to restore it and it was these clips that Jack brought up on his console. More than anything, he wanted to understand. Maybe what Ianto had tried to hide would give him a clue as to what lay under the mask.

Jack watched the footage of Ianto prowling in uneasy circles as the doctor worked on Lisa in the autopsy room. He had worked with the young man for long enough to know how deeply troubled he was on the screen. He registered the panic in Ianto's eyes as Dr. Tanisaki explained that Lisa may not survive and watched in surprise as Ianto shouted at the doctor. Before tonight, Jack had never seen Ianto lose his cool and a prickle of guilt hit him as he realised there was depths to this man that he had never bothered to search for.

Ianto's words 'When was the last time you asked me anything about my life?' came back to haunt Jack. Which was true. He was so used to Ianto refusing to socialise with the rest of the team that after a couple of attempts he had stopped asking. He had kept a perfunctory eye on him but pretty soon had starting viewing him as a piece of the furniture. An attractive piece at that, but a functioning constant who didn't need as much attention as the others. Jack thought he had learnt his lesson after Suzie. Dear god, could he have been more wrong.

He continued to watch the CCTV and despite himself, felt a knot in his throat as he saw the hope on Ianto's face when Lisa began to breathe. He heard it in his voice as he proclaimed 'You're alive' but all too soon that was cut short as the alarms sounded in the Hub. He replayed the footage again and again, rewatched the trust that existed between the couple, rewatched Ianto's expression soften as Lisa stood up and was led away by the doctor. Hours passed as he watched Ianto kiss Lisa over and over again. He hated knowing that the light that shone in Ianto's eyes would never burn as bright again. And he hated knowing that he was part of the reason for this.

With a quick movement, Jack threw his nearly empty glass of Scotch at the wall where it shattered instantly, and buried his face in his hands. All he had seen in his long life, all of the people he had lost, it never became any easier. He wanted to protect his team from feeling this kind of loss and he had failed in the worst possible way. His words to Ianto earlier that evening suddenly danced in his mind and he fought to force down the bile that rose in his throat as he thought of them.

'You execute her or I'll execute you both!' Self loathing swelled up in him. What had he been thinking. At the time, he saw her as a threat to be eliminated. He had been prepared to sacrifice his youngest, most vulnerable member of the team in order to do so. He had worried earlier how he could ever trust Ianto again. Now he wondered how he could ever expect Ianto to trust him. Ianto was right. He was a monster.

Jack had wanted to understand Ianto, and now he did. It was easy when he just saw Lisa as a metal monster with a cyberised voice. But now he'd seen a glimpse of the woman she was beforehand. A glimpse of the life that she and Ianto had led. He could understand why Ianto had clung so strongly to what remained of her, and if he was honest with himself, he would have been tempted to do the same. After all, he and Ianto weren't that different. Ianto's single minded determination in trying to save Lisa was not that different from his eternal vigil for the Doctor. Both impossible tasks but both undertaken in order to cling to a previous life, even if they both knew at some level that things would never be the same again. Could never be.

With a sigh, Jack stood up and began to clear up the shards of broken glass adorning the corner of his office floor. Tomorrow was another day, and was a chance for a fresh start. For both of them.

***

Next story in series - Oblivion.