Title: Hope For the Hopeless
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: R
Table: 4
Prompt: 46, Scared
Author's Note: Continuation of Walk Into the Fire.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.***
"Why the hell are you staying here so much lately, Ianto?" Jack inquired, settling himself in the chair in front of Ianto's desk. "I know you always work more when the Doctor goes off somewhere, but there's something different about you lately. You've lost some kind of spark. I can't figure out exactly what it is, but you're not the same."
Ianto shook his head, glancing up at Jack and trying to smile. "No, you're just imagining things. I'm working more than usual, yes, but that's nothing new, is it? I just .... haven't been feeling my best lately, that's all." It was true, he told himself. He definitely wasn't feeling well -- and probably never would again.
Jack shook his head, scowling. "That's not an answer, that's an evasion. Whatever it is, you don't have to keep it all bottled up inside. Ianto, you can tell me. That's what friends are for, and you know I won't talk about it with anybody else." His tone had changed slightly, the look on his face one of concern.
He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to admit that he'd driven the Doctor away, that in a childish moment of pique, he'd wounded the love of his life, and now he would probably never see him again. Or if they actually did meet sometime in the future, it would be awkward and unpleasant, and something he'd rather avoid.
"Ianto." Jack was looking even more concerned now; Ianto cursed himself inwardly for his tendency to let his emotions show on his face. Jack must have read something in his expression, something Ianto didn't want him to see. "Ianto, what's happened? Where's the Doctor? Did something go wrong between you two? I know something's wrong, don't lie to me."
He gave up trying to dissemble, trying to keep the truth inside. He might as well tell Jack, might as well let him know the worst. What could it hurt? Their relationship was already over, and there was no chance of it resuming. Not that Ianto wanted it to. The one person he wanted was the one he'd sent away.
"He left me." Ianto's voice was flat, expressionless. He couldn't look up at Jack, couldn't let the other man see the pain in his eyes. He'd spend the rest of his life avoiding people's gazes so that they wouldn't be able to see how dead he was inside. "It was my fault. I drove him to it. I told him he wasn't welcome back if he left this time."
"What?" Jack's voice was incredulous, disbelieving. "That doesn't sound like something you'd tell him, Ianto. Did you two fight, or what? I know you want to go with him when he leaves .... but I don't believe you'd say something like that to him. You know how much he hurts when he leaves you behind. You wouldn't do that. I know you wouldn't."
"I did." He still didn't look up at Jack, swallowing hard to hide the fact that he wanted to burst into tears. Tears wouldn't help. Not now. He'd cried and cursed himself for over a week now, hating himself for what he'd done and not knowing a way to turn back the clock and change things. It was over and done, and he had to live with himself.
"Ianto ...." Jack was kneeling in front of him now, looking up Ianto's face, a stricken look on his own features. He raised a hand to Ianto's chin, forcing the young man to look at him. The urge to cry became stronger when he saw the look of compassion on Jack's face. That wasn't what he'd expected. He'd expected Jack to hate him, not to feel sorry for him.
"I know what you're going to say." Ianto closed his eyes, swallowing hard. "You're going to say that I shouldn't have done it, that I was wrong, that I brought it on myself. I know that, Jack. I know it. An hour doesn't go by when I don't curse myself for hurting him and wishing that I could find him and hold him and make things better. But I can't. I can't do anything. He's gone, and I don't know where to find him, and I know I'll never see him again and that's what I deserve." He was babbling now, but he couldn't stop himself.
Jack shook his head, still looking bewildered. "I don't know what made you say something like that to him, but it must have been one hell of a fight. He's not the kind of man who's going to let something like that slide away, Ianto. He's going to take it to heart. He's going to assume you don't love him any more and that you meant it."
"I didn't mean it!" Ianto burst out, the tears starting to fall now. "He should know that I can't survive without him. He should know that he's everything to me, and that I was just upset that he didn't want me to come with him. I know he just wanted to protect me, but .... he doesn't understand that I want to protect him, too."
"Well ...." Jack stood up, letting out a sigh and looking down at Ianto. "Ianto, don't cry. We'll find him, I promise. We'll find him, you'll talk to him, and you two will work this all out. If you two can't stay together, then no couple can. The two of you are more meant for each other than anybody in the world. In any time I've ever been to."
"I can't feel him any more, Jack." Ianto looked up, his face crumpling, the sobs starting to accelerate. "I can't feel him in my heart any more. He's not dead -- I'd know it if he was -- but he's not there now. It's like he's completely cut himself off from me. Like he's fallen out of love with me and I'm not a part of him."
"No, Ianto." Jack shook his head, kneeling down again to look up into Ianto's tearful face. "You're still connected to him." He reached out to tap the pendant, the gift from the Doctor that matched the one the Time Lord always wore. "That pendant is the mate to his. See the way it's glowing? If you weren't still connected, it would be lifeless. He's still with you -- as long as you wear that, and he does too, then you still belong to each other."
"Then why can't I feel him?" Ianto wailed, clutching at the pendant. When he did, his eyes widened, and he stared at Jack with his mouth hanging open. "I .... he ...." he stammered, his hand closing around the pendant so tightly that his knuckles went white. "He's there. I can feel him. I can feel him, Jack. He's .... afraid. He's so afraid."
"What?" Jack was on his feet now, his face white and strained. "Afraid of what? Can you see what he's scared of, Ianto? Is he in trouble? What the hell is going on?"
Ianto shook his head, closing his eyes and gripping the pendant, trying to focus on the strong emotional pull from the glowing stone. "No, I .... I can't tell. I can't see, exactly -- but I think I'm feeling what he's feeling, when I try to concentrate on it en --" His voice cut off abruptly, the words ending in a sharp, agonized cry.
"Ianto! What is it?" Jack bent over him anxiously, waiting for the young man to straighten up agian. When he did, Jack led him to the couch, making him sit down and trying to pry his hand away from the pendant. Whatever was happening, Jack knew that it was coming from the connection with the Doctor -- and even if the Time Lord was in peril, Jack didn't want that to extend to Ianto. It was a painful choice, but one that he had to make.
Ianto screamed again, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face against Jack's shoulder. His sobs grew in intensity, until they shook his body, his hand finally falling away from the pendant as he cried in Jack's arms. Jack felt more helpless than ever; he didn't know what to do, other than to sit there stroking Ianto's hair and waiting for him to speak.
"He's ...." Ianto raised his tear-streaked, white face to Jack's after what seemed like an eternity, his words choked, a mixture of horror and misery in his eyes. "He-he's being raped, Jack. I could feel it. I could feel what that bastard was doing to him, as if it was happening to me." He buried his face in his hands, starting to sob again.
"Who?" Jack's voice was urgent, one hand reaching out to shake Ianto's shoulder without realizing what he was doing. "Who's raping him, Ianto? Who has him? Where is he?"
Ianto raised his face to stare at Jack, his voice trembling, the name falling like a brick dropped between the two of them. It was a name that Ianto had dreaded since his first encounter with the man, a name that he'd hoped he would never hear again. The one person who he wanted most to keep away from the Doctor.
"The Master."
Jack's face was now as white as his own, his lips compressed into a thin line. "We've got to find him, Ianto. Somehow. We've got to get him away from that maniac. The Master's capable of killing him -- because you know that the Doctor won't give in to him. That psycho will either kill him, or force him to regenerate. Or ...." He swallowed hard, unable to keep his next words back. "Or he'll force him to regenerate, and then kill him after he does."
"No!" Ianto screamed, burying his face in his hands again. "I can't lose him, Jack. I can't." His voice was a wail, a plea, a cry for help. Jack knelt by the young man again, taking Ianto's hands in his and looking into his eyes. He had to be sure that Ianto wasn't panicking, that he was capable of functioning.
"I know you can't, Ianto. I can't either. We'll get him back, and we'll make sure this never happens again." How they were going to manage this, Jack wasn't sure. But he had an idea -- and if he was right, finding the Doctor would be a lot easier than he'd first thought. But it all depended on Ianto, and his ability to stay calm and focused.
"Ianto .... you're bonded to the Doctor. That means, in theory, that you're also bonded to the Tardis." Jack took a deep breath, hoping that he didn't sound crazy for even suggesting this. "Can you call her to you? Can you establish some kind of connection and let her know that you need her to help you find the Doctor?"
"I don't know," Ianto whispered, shaking his head. "I've never tried before. I don't even know if she considers me a part of her -- she might think that I'm taking the Doctor away from her, in a way, that she has to share him with me. If she does --" He looked up at Jack, raising a hand to wipe away tears. "-- then he's as good as dead."
"Try, Ianto," Jack said softly, swallowing back his own fear. This wasn't the time to let that get the better of him. The Doctor had been in worse spots than this, right? He was sure of it. They'd find him, with the Tardis' help. And they would repair whatever damage had been done. He fervently hoped that he wasn't being too optimistic about that.
"I'm scared, Jack." Ianto's voice was very small and frightened; he sounded like a small child who'd just been awakened from a nightmare. "I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can face the Master again." He looked up at Jack, his own self-loathing evident in his eyes. "Not even for him. I don't know if I'm strong enough."
Jack leaned down to press his lips against Ianto's, murmuring against the young man's mouth. "You're strong enough, Ianto. Don't doubt yourself, not for a second. You might be scared, and I don't blame you for that. Anybody would be. But you can do this. For him, you can do anything. You have to believe that."
Ianto nodded slowly, swallowing hard as though he was trying to swallow his fear. "I'd do anything for him. You know I would. I'd give my life if it meant I could save his. And --" He swallowed again, his voice hoarse. "-- that may be just what I have to do. And if that's so, then I will. As long as he'll be safe."
"It won't come to that, Ianto." Jack shook his head, standing up and heading purposefully towards the door. "I'm going to give you time to see if you can somehow contact the Tardis. If you can, she'll show up here. We have to be ready when she does." He exited the office, leaving Ianto to try to collect his thoughts.
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and trying to direct his mind to the Tardis. This is for the Doctor, he told himself, unconsciously putting that thought into his message. It was only a few seconds before he felt a familiar presence touch his mind, asking what he needed to do, concern for the man he loved coming through loud and clear.
Within a few moments, he'd explained the situation. The Tardis didn't talk to him, not as he would define talking, but he could somehow feel her concern -- and her fear. A fear for the Doctor that matched his own, which was growing each time he touched his fingers to the pendant. He could feel the Doctor's anguish radiating through the stone, feel it as acutely as though he was suffering through it himself.
He leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes for a moment. It had started. Whatever happened now was all up to fate. He only hoped that for once, the fates would be on their side, and that they would be merciful.***
Next story in series - Power Play.
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