Title: Bad Dreams
Author: nebula99
Pairing: Hotch/Reid
Rating: FRAO
Summary: Reid shares a motel room with Hotch.
Permission to archive: yes

***

It was dark. A smothering, penetrating darkness that seemed to grab at him, trying to pull him in. In the distance, he could just make out a faint light. He tried to move towards it, but every step was a struggle. His legs were like lead and with each step forward, the light seemed to move further away.

He knew he was running out of time. He tried to increase his pace as the crying sounds grew louder. He had to reach her, but he was stumbling and flailing in the darkness, growing more and more disorientated. There was a scream and it was the sound of pure abject terror. He tried to call out to her, to let her know he was coming but his voice just cracked and only the faintest whisper came out.

The blackness seemed to rise up and soon he could no longer see even the palest light. It filled his nose and mouth, choking him. He fell to the ground, clawing wildly at the darkness as the each breath grew more and more difficult. He tried desperately to find a gap in the enveloping fog, some way to get some air, he couldn’t breathe ….. he couldn’t breathe ….. he couldn’t ….

Dr. Spencer Reid opened his eyes and reached for the bedside lamp. There was nothing there. The room was completely dark. He couldn’t see a thing. He groped frantically for the lamp but his fingers found nothing. His heart began to race.

This is not my bedroom. I’m not in my bedroom. Where the hell am I?

He tried to get up but his legs wouldn’t move. He was sweating and his breathing was coming faster and faster. Where am I? Am I still dreaming?

He could hear himself gasping as he struggled to get up. A hand touched his shoulder and he lurched away, scrabbling at the bedding as he fell to the floor. He still couldn’t see a thing. He started pulling at the bedding still wrapped around his body in a blind panic as footsteps came nearer. Suddenly the room was filled with bright light and he flung his arm in front of his eyes, panting and shaking.

“Reid?” came a quiet voice. “You OK?”

Reid peeped over his arm to see Aaron Hotchner’s face looking at him with concern. His breathing quickened and his insides turned to water. His heart began to beat faster and faster and louder and louder. He was struggling for air. Each gasping breath failed to fill his lungs properly and his hand flew to his throat as his eyes widened in panic. “Can’t …. breathe,” he whispered.

Hotch’s mouth moved, but Reid couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his heartbeat. Hotch moved away and Reid reached out for in vain for him. His heart was pounding and pushing against his chest. Any minute now it was going to burst. The crushing pain in his chest was agonising and he was growing dizzy as he battled to breathe. Tears rolled down his face. Inside his head he started screaming - I’m dying. I’m having a heart attack. Help me someone. Hotch! Don’t leave me!

Then Hotch was kneeling next to him. He put something over Reid’s nose and mouth. Reid tried feebly to push it away but his arms were too weak. His vision was blurring and his gasping breaths growing faster. Hotch turned Reid’s head gently towards him and looked into his eyes, smiling and nodding.

Gradually the thumping sound of Reid’s heart was replaced the rustling sound of the paper bag being held over his face. With each in breath the bag crumpled and then it swelled as the young man breathed out. All the time Hotch kept nodding and slowly the dizziness faded. Eventually Reid’s breathing had calmed down enough for Hotch to remove the paper bag.

Reid closed his eyes and began to recall what had just happened, conscious of the older agent’s arm around his shoulders, but strangely glad of the comfort.

There was silence for a moment. Then Reid began to stutter an apology. “S..sorry Hotch. I’m s..s..sorry I w..woke you…”

“Hey,” replied Hotch with a smile in his voice. “I’m just glad you’re OK now. What was that all about?”

“P…panic attack, I guess,” mumbled Reid. “Can’t believe I didn’t realise I was hyperventilating. Thought I was dying.”

“Sounds like one hell of a nightmare,” said Hotch, “Do you always make that much noise? No wonder Morgan wanted to room with Gideon tonight!”

Reid look so horrified Hotch was quick to reassure him. “Reid – I was joking. Seriously – are the nightmares always this bad?”

Starting to feel uncomfortable now with the older man so close to him, Reid swallowed hard and stared at the floor. “Not usually but I must have got disorientated waking up in a motel room and not at home. I freaked out. I’m sorry.”

Hotch put a finger under his chin and gently raised the younger man’s head. Reid looked at him through his hair. “I told you to stop apologising. How do you feel now?”

“Better,” Reid whispered, wondering why Hotch was looking at him like that. Hotch’s eyes were shining and his gaze was intense. Reid felt incredibly exposed but couldn’t look away. The two men stared at each other for a minute, then Hotch bent towards Reid and kissed him gently on the lips.

For a moment Reid froze and then panicked and pulled back, but with Hotch’s arm still around his shoulder, he couldn’t move too far away. What is he doing? Why is he kissing me? He’s my boss for God’s sake!

He stared at Hotch in disbelief. Hotch sighed and looked away then turned back to him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He started to get up. “I think we should both go back to sleep and act like none of this ever happened in the morning.”

Amazed at his reaction, Reid cried “No!” Now Hotch looked puzzled. “I’m sorry Hotch – you just took me by surprise.” He swallowed and looked at the floor again, picking at non existent fluff on the carpet. “I didn’t know you felt like that…. about me.”

Hotch crouched down next to Reid and gently smoothed a couple of damp strands of hair off his face. “I care about you a lot. I like you – a lot. But I will leave it at that if you don’t want to go any further,” he said gently.

Reid felt the skin on his face burning as he picked harder at the carpet. “I don’t….I mean I haven’t…. um….haven’t ever….” he stuttered. Then he took a deep breath and spoke very quickly. “Hotch, I’m a virgin.” Then he waited, without much hope, for the carpet to swallow him whole.

He heard Hotch smother a laugh. “Reid – have you never made out with anybody?”

Reid sighed loudly and then spoke softly, still entranced with the floor. “No-one. There was a professor in grad school who made a pass at me and then there was Lila in the pool. And that’s it.”

“What happened with the professor?” asked Hotch.

Reid blushed profusely at the memory and kept his head down. “He kind of grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I was sixteen and absolutely terrified. I pushed him off and ran. And didn’t stop for at least 4 miles.” He shook his head. “I guess I really suck at this physical stuff.”

Hotch reached out and put his arms around his colleague. “Would you like to try with me?”

Reid looked up and nodded. He bit nervously down on his lip and wondered what on earth Hotch would have in mind. He found Hotch’s touch both terrifying and exciting and longed for more. At the same time, he was panicking that he would be a disappointing experience for Hotch. He had hardly ever kissed a girl. He had never really kissed a guy. He’d had fantasies, desires, but had absolutely no idea of what to actually do. What if he did it all wrong?

As if reading his mind, Hotch reassured him. “Come on, just lie on the bed next to me. We can just kiss – if that’s all you want to do. Just kissing. Nothing more than you feel safe with.” He gently pulled Reid to his feet and led him to the bed. “You have no idea how hot you look right now!”

Reid tried a weak smile and then lay down next to Hotch, who took his face in both hands and then leant in to kiss him. Reid was motionless, absorbing the sensation of Hotch’s kiss. Then, almost instinctively, he began to kiss him back. His lips parted and Hotch began to explore his mouth with his tongue, running it over his teeth and under his lips.

Hotch moved his hands to caress Reid’s hair and the back of his neck. As Reid began to kiss him more intensely, Hotch rolled Reid onto his back, pulling himself on top of the younger man and resting his weight on his elbows. He pulled back from the kiss and smiled at Reid, then began to kiss him again.

Reid tried hard to quieten his brain and concentrate on the sensations that his body was feeling. His limbs began to tingle under Hotch’s embrace and the warmth that spread through his body seemed to illuminate him. Occasional feelings of panic would keep rising – he’s my boss, he’s a man, am I doing it wrong? – but the wonderful sensations as Hotch kept on kissing him helped to override them. This felt so good, so right, he almost didn’t want to go any further, but the stirring in his crotch was pushing him on.

Growing in confidence, Reid starting to run his hands up and down Hotch’s back. Hotch responded by moving his kisses along Reid’s jaw and down to his throat, planting a trail along his neck to behind his ear. Loving the delicate touch and the warmth from Hotch’s mouth, Reid rolled his head to one side to allow him more access and groaned softly. His hands crept tentatively underneath Hotch’s T-shirt and stroked his warm skin.

Reid’s cock was now hard and he could feel Hotch’s erection pressing into his thigh. Hotch was kissing him more and more fervently and Reid was surprised but intrigued by the groans and gasps that he was making. He loved the taste of Hotch and the feel of his soft lips. He moved his head to make contact once again with Hotch’s mouth and began to kiss him harder. He thrust his tongue into Hotch’s mouth, his desire finally smothering his insecurity.

Reid’s hips were squirming and the friction of Hotch’s body pressed against his was making his cock twitch. He opened his mouth wider, wanting more and more of Hotch and his sweet taste. He slipped a hand down to massage Hotch’s buttocks and gasped as Hotch responded with a sharp thrust of his hips.

Hotch lifted his head and Reid groaned at the loss of contact. Hotch smiled and raised an eyebrow quizzically as he pushed Reid’s boxer shorts down and curled his hand around his cock. “Do you want me to stop?” Hotch whispered. Reid bit his lip and shook his head. He didn’t think he could speak anymore and just made a squeaking noise as Hotch squeezed his cock and then began to slowly stroke him up and down. Oh my God, he’s touching me, he’s touching me, he’s…oh God, don’t stop.

Hotch returned to kissing him and Reid responded, pressing his lips against Hotch and kissing him more frantically. He fumbled for Hotch’s boxers and eventually released his cock. He heard a low groan in Hotch’s throat as he moved his hand around the thick cock. He could barely think straight with what Hotch was doing to him, but he hoped fervently that Hotch would like the same kind of pressure and strokes that he did as he rolled his hand up Hotch’s straining cock.

Reid was thrusting his hips and moaning as Hotch increased the speed and pressure. Oh God, I’m gonna…I’m gonna…don’t stop, please don’t stop… At last he reached his climax and cried out as Hotch buried his face into his neck, jerking and spasming all over Hotch’s hand. His hand kept moving, almost on autopilot, on Hotch’s cock and he was vaguely aware of the older man’s orgasm as Hotch collapsed onto his chest. Reid closed his eyes and lay back, panting and trembling, pinned by Hotch’s weight. Oh God, Oh fuck, Oh God. His head was spinning – I just had sex with my boss. Oh my God – I just. Had. Sex!

When their breathing had settled down, Hotch rolled onto his side and kissed Reid softly on the mouth. “OK now?” he asked.

Reid nodded and returned the kiss. “Thank you,” he whispered. He was amazed at how good it felt to be close to Hotch and how sleepy he suddenly was. They cleaned up and as Reid moved to return to his own bed, Hotch took his wrist and patted the space next to him. Suddenly wanting the closeness offered, Reid lay down next to Hotch and snuggled into the older man’s embrace. “Sweet dreams,” whispered Hotch, kissing his forehead, “Sweet dreams.”

***

Next story in series - Insecurities.