Title: Insecurities
By: nebula99
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Series: 1) Bad Dreams
Pairing: Hotch/Reid, slash
Rating: FRAO/NC-17
Permission to archive: Yes
Summary: Reid and Hotch have started sleeping together. Reid is having a moment of self doubt.
AN: Part 2 of a longer fic called *Tightrope*. First one is called Bad Dreams. Disclaimer: I don't own them. Shame.

***

Spencer Reid had been a very lonely child. He was a fairly lonely adult. He had very little family and outside the BAU there was nobody he would call a friend. The most meaningful relationship he had outside work was with the counter staff at the local bookstore who occasionally nodded at him.

He was used to being alone. It wasn't what he wanted but it was the hand he had been dealt. And now things were changing and he wasn't sure how to feel about it.

The team were staying a way from home again. Reid stood in the motel lobby with Morgan and Hotch whilst Gideon collected the room keys. Hotch had told the others that since both Morgan and Gideon snored "like bears" he would in future be sharing with Reid. They had all laughed and it was a good enough cover story to allow them to move from co-workers to lovers.

Key and bag in hand, Reid hovered nervously, waiting for Hotch to come with him. After a few moments, Hotch turned to him and said, "You go on up, I need to talk with Gideon for a moment." Reid hesitated for a moment, then turned and trudged up the stairs.

Entering their room, Reid remembered the awkwardness of that first morning, a month or so ago. Despite the intimacy during the night, Reid had felt so uncomfortable showering and dressing in front of Hotch. He had no idea of the correct etiquette in such situations and opted to say nothing, rather than the wrong thing. He wasn't even sure whether to call him Hotch or Aaron – just how intimate did you need to be to use first names?

He had been sitting on the bed, picking nervously at his fingers when Hotch had sat down next to him and kissed him, tenderly and deeply. Hotch had then raised an eyebrow and with a wicked smile said, "Does that answer your question?"

Reid had stared at him open mouthed for a while before it clicked and he smiled shyly and nodded.

Before Hotch, Reid couldn't remember the last person who had held him close. There was no-one to cuddle, to comfort and caress him. Sharing a bed with Hotch, waking up in his arms – that was even better than the sex. Being held had given Dr. Reid some of the best nights of sleep he had ever known.

Right now, however, he was starting to feel nervous. Hotch was taking forever to come to the room. Maybe he was getting second thoughts about all this? Reid had expected him to come to his senses sooner or later and realise that the man in his bed was only Reid – the geeky one, the one they all felt sorry for. Hotch was probably stalling, hoping Reid would be asleep by the time he came to bed, wishing he had never started this.

Reid sat miserably on the bed furthest from the door. He loosened his tie and then flung it on the floor. Today had been a long day. The local police force was unhappy at the FBI involvement and he had borne the brunt of their frustration. Reid had been left at the station whilst the others had followed various leads and had found talking to the senior officer extremely frustrating. He had been trying to tease out the links between various homicides but the officers he had been working with had either ignored him or been downright rude.

And now, Hotch still wasn't back. Reid decided to go to bed and undressed quickly, folding his clothes neatly. He slipped under the covers and turned his back to the door. If he wasn't asleep by the time Hotch came, he could at least fake it.

Five minutes later, the door opened and Hotch came in. "Spencer?" he whispered. "Sorry I am so late; I had to discuss some stuff with Gideon." He came closer to the bed. "Spencer?" He shook the young man's shoulder gently.

Reid sat up. "I thought you weren't coming," he muttered, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

Hotch frowned at him. "Why wouldn't I be coming?" he asked.

Reid just shrugged. Hotch undressed quickly and climbed into bed next to him. He pulled Reid close and began to stroke his hair. "What's bugging you, Spencer?" Hotch asked softly.

Reid rested his head on Hotch's chest and sighed. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel about you," he said, not daring to look up at Hotch. "This isn't like anything I've ever felt before. No books are going to help me figure out the right things to do and I'm scared I'm going to mess it up. I don't want to let you down."

Hotch continued to caress him. "It's OK," he soothed.

Reid continued. "I think about you all the time. I'm horny all the time. I just worry that I'll disappoint you."

Hotch kissed the top of his head. "Sweetheart," he said, "You couldn't disappoint me. I've wanted you for a long time."

Reid snuggled closer and began to trail a long finger down Hotch's arm. "Are you really horny all the time?" asked Hotch with a smile in his voice.

Reid looked up at him and grinned. "All the time," he replied. "If masturbation really made you blind I'd be in trouble!" He paused. "But this is only since we … um … you know. I had kind of given up on hoping anyone would ever really want to sleep with me."

"Don't put yourself down," said Hotch, "You're a very attractive guy."

"Now I know you've been jerking off too much," laughed Reid, "Aaron – I'm a dork!"

Hotch bent to kiss Reid on the end of his nose. "You're a sexy dork. Now stop talking because I need to kiss you."

As they kissed, Reid rolled his tongue lazily round Hotch's mouth. He loved the taste of him. He pressed his body against his lover's, cuddling into Hotch's comforting embrace. Being held was something he could never get enough of.

Reid smiled inside as Hotch reached for the remote and switched the TV on, turning the volume up a few notches. The last time they had been having sex in a motel, he had shouted out as he came. Luckily Hotch stepped in with a story about Reid walking into the bed in the darkened room when Morgan mentioned hearing something the next day.

Reid ran his palm over Hotch's chest, cupping his pectoral muscles and feeling his nipples stiffen under this touch. He moved to begin to tease them with his tongue, hoping to produce the same reaction as his lover did in him. Hotch groaned softly and continued to run his fingers through Reid's hair and down the back of the young man's neck, massaging him steadily.

Reid walked his fingers down Hotch's belly, then slid his hand into Hotch's groin, stroking the softness of his inner thigh. He brought his head to follow his hand, trailing gentle kisses over Hotch's chest, savouring the taste of his warm skin.

Hotch's cock was hard. Reid shuffled down the bed until he could take it in his mouth. He was pleasantly surprised at how much he loved to do this. With one hand delicately caressing Hotch's balls, he slowly circled the head with his tongue. Reid felt his own erection twitch as Hotch gave another soft groan, entwining his fingers in Reid's hair.

Reid lifted his eyes to take in the desire on Hotch's face, then returned to sucking Hotch's cock, taking as much in as he could. He loved the tangy taste of it and the way that Hotch thrust his hips as he got closer and closer to the his orgasm.

The hips were moving, pushing Hotch's cock deeper into his mouth. Reid bobbed his head faster and moved his hand to grip the shaft, listening to Hotch's breathing quicken. Then there was a gasp and the salty liquid pumped into Reid's mouth. He waited for a moment, then slowly moved away and swallowed.

He retraced the trail of kisses back up Hotch's body, finishing with a chaste peck on the lips. Hotch stared at him for a moment, then moved flipping Reid over onto his back, pinning his arms down and straddling him. Reid smirked at his lover. "Oh yeah?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

By way of reply, Hotch nuzzled into Reid's neck, kissing him warmly. He slid his legs down to lie full length on top of him, one hand keeping Reid's wrists above his head. Reid squirmed under Hotch's weight, every movement causing a delicious friction on his cock. "Kiss me," he pleaded.

Instead Hotch brought his other hand to Reid's mouth and slipped a finger inside. Reid licked and sucked it greedily. He tried to pull his arms away from Hotch's restraining grip but he couldn't. Reid was trapped under the pressure of Hotch's body and the frustration was starting to build.

Hotch removed his finger and clamped his open mouth on top of Reid's. Their kisses grew hungrier, Reid wriggling and struggling under Hotch's restraint. Reid felt Hotch move his hand down between his legs and then his eyes widened as Hotch started to push his moistened finger into him. Reid shuddered at the sensation and his squirming grew more frantic. Hotch began to thrust his finger in and out whilst matching the movement with his hips.

Reid could feel the pressure in his cock. He tried harder to get his hands free, but Hotch tightened his grip. Hotch was kissing his neck and his throat and pressing his crotch firmly down on Reid's cock. Reid was gasping and writhing, babbling as Hotch's finger found his prostate. "Don't stop … don't stop … Ohhh … please."

Just then, with a loud cry Reid found his release. He came violently, shuddering and whimpering as Hotch held on to him. When he had stopped, Hotch rolled off him, releasing the young man's hands. "Trust me," he said kissing Reid's eyebrow, "You couldn't disappoint me."

Afterwards, falling asleep with Hotch's arm wrapped around him, Reid allowed himself to feel happy. He belonged in this embrace. It felt like home.

***