Title: Shame
By: zequin-stars
Pairing: Reid/Morgan
Prompt: 002. Beautiful
Word Count: 939
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: Some spoilers for 1x06 L.D.S.K.
Summary: This is sort of a view inside what Reid was feeling during the episode, they really didn't delve into it much and I feel like even though he knew what was happening, Reid would still feel it more than it seemed in the episode. This is a sort of kinda sequel to my first story for the 001 prompt - Alone.

***

Reid was tired of being the one everyone saw as weak, he was tired of being picked on by the man he wanted to notice him sexually, and he was tired of being underestimated. Even though he knew the words Hotch had said to him while kicking the shit out of him inside of the ER had simply been a way to "˜empathize' with the unsub and get him to trust Aaron, they still rung around in his head in a cacophony of sound that made his head hurt.

Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

The day had started out awful, failing to get his gun certification, feeling like he failed Hotch, and even worse, having Morgan make fun of him about it in front of the entire team. Nothing was making him happy, and to end it with Hotch beating him up and bringing to the fore all of his own doubts and insecurities just to get them away from an unsub safely, made the day hopeless.

He hadn't been lying when he insinuated that the beating Hotch gave him was nothing compared to others he had received, that was true, it simply had more impact because it was someone he cared about and looked up too who was doing the beating. Afterwards, sitting on the end of the ambulance, watching as the dead and injured got carted away, it was all he could do to look Hotch in the eye and laugh off what had happened. But it wasn't so hard to throw that damn whistle at Morgan and walk away from him when the older man asked him if he was alright. Reid may be hopelessly in love with the walking, talking, gods gift to man, but he wasn't going to forgive him the slight of earlier just because he had been beaten up by his boss and killed a man for the first time. Reid didn't have super powers, he was just a genius.

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

In the plane Reid was warmed by the admission that he had made Gideon proud, that was something that he would never trade for anything in the world. He hoped when the fact that he killed a man finally hit him, he would remember those words from his older mentor and friend's mouth. It was hard to think about though, with Morgan staring at him from across the plane until the older man fell asleep.

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The pieces gone, left the puzzle undone
Is that the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

Once the plane touched down, no one wanted him to drive home alone, Reid didn't want to be stuck in the car with Hotch but he was surprised when it was Morgan who offered to take him home and make sure he was okay. Walking to his front door with the older man silently shadowing him, Reid realized his hands had started to shake just slightly, he made three attempts to unlock his door before Morgan took his keys and gently lead him inside. Reid was horrified to feel tears running down his cheeks as he let Morgan lead him inside of his own home, he had known that it would hit him suddenly, but no facts or statistics could have prepared him for how he would feel.

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

Trying to hide from Morgan, Reid sat on the edge of his couch and turned his head away from the older man, tears sliding silently down his face. Closing his eyes tightly when Morgan sat down next to him, Reid couldn't help letting out a strangled and fleetingly controlled sob when the older man laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You did good kid. You just did what you had to do."

Reid nodded and blinked repeatedly, damning himself for crying and letting into the emotions that he tried to keep in check around the older members of the team.

"I know."

We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

They sat there for an hour, Reid looking away and Morgan sitting with his hand, warm and comforting, on his shoulder, silent. After sitting in silence Reid shifted uncomfortably as he calmed, the raging emotions in his body finally reacting to the warm touch of the man who featured a starring role in his fantasies, and absently tucked his hair behind his ears. Morgan let his hand drop away and stood up with a cough, shifting from foot to foot before patting his shoulder awkwardly and turning towards the door.

"See you tomorrow kid."

Reid looked up and smiled ruefully at the older man as Morgan opened his door.

"Yeah, see you."

Christina Aguilera-
Beautiful

[Spoken]
Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The pieces gone, left the puzzle undone
Is that the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times

We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

***