Title: Let Me In
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Brendan Block
Fandom: Doctor Who/Secret Smile
Rating: PG-13
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 46, Let Me In
Author's Note: Continuation of Confession Time.
Warning: on-going story
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Michael Cutter, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed softly as he headed down the hall toward the control room of the Tardis. He had the feeling that there was something building between himself and Brendan, something that they couldn't avoid discussing any longer.

He couldn't put his finger on just what it was, but there was sense of something .... held back. He could understand Brendan not feeling comfortable with telling him everything about his life, but there was more to it than that.

Brendan seemed so .... so secretive at times. It was as though there was something he was ashamed of in his past, something that he wanted to bury.

The Doctor didn't want him to feel like that. The two of them were lovers; they were both adults, and they had given themselves to each other freely. There was nothing that either of them needed to hold back, as far as he was concerned.

But obviously Brendan didn't feel the same. He slowed down, his footsteps dragging. He knew that Brendan would be waiting for him in the control room, and there was a part of him that didn't want to deal with a confrontation.

Why should he feel that way? Brendan wasn't going to lose that prodigious temper, not with him. He had admitted that there had been times in his past when he'd done just that, but he'd assured the Doctor that he would keep that temper under control.

Control was something that Brendan admitted he had a hard time with; and the Doctor had the definite feeling that this man wasn't someone to be pushed into anything.

He wasn't afraid of Brendan. If he was, he wouldn't have kept this man with him -- and he certainly wouldn't have taken him as a lover after those first few days had passed. He knew that Brendan had his faults, and he was willing to work with them.

There was still a part of him that didn't want to have a confrontation with his lover, because they were both men who wouldn't back down if they felt strongly about an issue. And he was afraid that both of them could end up saying things they would regret later.

Still, he had to talk with Brendan sometime about whatever was bothering him. He could feel that there was something eating away at his lover, something that Brendan wouldn't let him see. He felt that h was on the outside looking in -- as he'd been all of his life.

That hurt. It hurt more than he wanted to admit. It hurt to feel that the man he was coming to love felt that he couldn't trust the Doctor enough to let him in.

Brendan certainly wasn't the first person to feel like that, he reflected. Other people who had been close to him in the past had kept their feelings inside, either not wanting to hurt him with the truth, or because they'd been afraid of his reaction.

This was different, though. Brendan wasn't just a companion; Brendan was his lover, the man he'd chosen to give himself to, the man he felt bonded with. He was more than anyone who had traveled with him before could ever be.

What was he going to say to convince Brendan to let him into those secrets that he kept hidden away so well? They couldn't go on like this; the silences and spaces between them were becoming more awkward, the tension almost palpable.

If he was honest with himself, he had to admit that he loved Brendan. But he hadn't been able to say the words aloud; he'd been afraid that the other man would back away if he did.

Maybe that awkwardness was just as much his fault as Brendan's; he obviously hadn't been able to let his lover completely into his world, either. They both had to drop those walls, push down those barriers and trust each other implicitly.

Sighing, he closed his eyes, leaning against the wall for a moment. He had no idea what to do that would break the ice that seemed to be forming between them, that ice that could only be melted when they were in bed, sharing their bodies with no reservations.

But he couldn't keep holding himself back -- and he had to find a way to make Brendan see that he couldn't do that any longer, either. They had to face each other squarely, close the distance between them and come to each other's arms with no secrets.

Squaring his shoulders, he straightened up and moved into the control room, his eyes resting on Brendan, leaning on the console and gripping the edges of it.

The Doctor moved across the room to stand behind his lover, wrapping his arms around Brendan's waist and resting his head against the other man's shoulder. Brendan reached up to twine his fingers through the Doctor's, a soft sigh coming from his lips before he spoke.

"I've got some things to tell you about," he said softly, making the Doctor's hearts leap in his chest as the other man turned in his embrace to look at him. And when those lips met his, any doubts that this man meant to let him into his heart were swept away from the Doctor's mind.

***

Next story in series - All These Things That I've Done.