Title: The Reality of Life After Death
Author: Carina Scott
Genre: Slash
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Rating: FRM
Pairing: Ryan/Eric (friendship and the hint of more)
Summary: Eric's thoughts after he wakes up in the hospital.
Spoilers: All Seasons, particularly Season 5 episode #112: Man Down
Disclaimer: I don't own, please don't sue.
Author's Notes: Just my take on what Eric might have been thinking as the visitors trickled in and out of his room after he was shot.  This is my first time writing for Eric/Ryan, hope I do them justice. I am also planning a companion piece from Ryan's POV. Enjoy!

~*~

Everyone is being polite. Painfully so. Alexx came earlier, I don't remember much about her visit; the drugs I'm on had me drifting in and out. Some time after that, Calleigh stopped by. She tried to be her usual cheery self, but I could tell she was making a great effort. I wanted to reach out and assure her I was okay, but the pain was too much. I asked her about Mari, but I'm not sure if she understood me, she never answered. Valera stopped by, said it was her lunch break. She told me that Natalia had stopped by earlier too, but I was asleep. Pity. Valera didn't stay long, told me she didn't want to wear me out. I think the bandage might have been too much for her. But she did promise she would come back to visit, and I really hope she does.

Hours later, Horatio came by. Alexx had told me he was the one to bring me in when I was shot. I know how H is when it comes to expressing emotions, so I pretended to be asleep. But he's never been one to be fooled, so he figured it out. He told me that they had caught the guy that shot me. I told him I didn't remember anything that had happened. I almost laughed at him for stating the obvious when he told me in that matter-of-fact voice of his that I had been shot and was in a hospital. Oh really, and here I thought I was lounging in Miami's most luxurious spa!

Anyway, he came over and sat by me, and I said a silent prayer that he would answer me when I asked after the one person that I had been longing to see. I asked him why Mari hadn't come by; it's not like her, we've always been so close. I really expected her to be the first person I saw when I finally woke up and in all the hours since I'd woken up, not seeing her was just unsettling. He tried to answer me, but it seemed like he couldn't get it out. I might not remember a whole hell of a lot about the last few months, but I remember the sound of H's voice when he's about to tell someone their loved one is dead. That realization rendered me speechless, the pain was overwhelming. I closed my eyes, and I felt the tear trickle down my face. How could my sister be gone?

He sat with me for a long while, only leaving when my parents arrived. There was a tension between them that I didn't understand; they probably blame him for me being shot. I'll have to let them know that he isn't to blame.

My parents stayed for a few hours, but neither of them spoke very much, at least not to me. My mother held my hand as she cried and prayed; and my father stood behind her for support. They hadn't spoken to me about Mari, thus confirming in my mind that she was truly gone. I drifted to sleep at some point, and I heard my parents whispering about how it was unfair that I had to go through losing my sister twice.

For the first time since I had woken up, I was thankful that I had lost some of my memory. It was too painful losing Mari once, I can't imagine doing it twice. I guess my parents realized that I needed my rest so they left with the promise to return first thing in the morning. I have a feeling that my mom would have stayed but my father convinced her to go so I could rest. I'm glad he did.

I don't know what time it was when I woke up next, but it was dark outside my window. I could see someone sitting in a chair near the window, but they were shadowed and I couldn't see their face. My first thought was Speed, but I knew it wasn't him. I had dreamt of him, and I knew that the 'dreams' were actually memories. If Speed had been alive, he and Mari would've been the first two people he would've seen when he woke up. But he's gone too.

I remember watching his parents cry, watching Alexx fight to hold back the tears. I remember the way everyone made that long and painful trek to the morgue just to make sure the rumors were true, or to prove they were false. I remember how no one was ever the same, and it makes me wonder what will happen if I don't make it.

I shake those dark thoughts off as I focus my attention back to the dark figure. The shadow moves a bit, and I instantly recognize the face. It's Ryan. I call out his name in a hoarse whisper, and he is immediately at my side.

The last thing I remember about Ryan is that we've had a strained friendship, if you can call it that. Taking in the worry lines and frown on his face, the relief shining in his eyes, I think it's safe to call it that. Ryan's my friend. And while I can't remember everything that got us to that point, I don't doubt it for a minute.

Working up energy that I really don't have, I move my bed so that I am seated a little more normally. I still can't move much, the doctors told me not to, but I need to be able to look at him when I finally speak. I don't know why I need to ask this question, I already know the answer. I guess I just need to hear it straightforward, no beating around the bush or vague answers, and for some reason, I think Ryan is the one to do that.

"Ryan, where's my sister?"

I can see a multitude of emotions flicker across his face before he finally sighs heavily. "She died Eric. I'm sorry." He squeezes my hand gently, and just sits quietly with me as the finality of his answer sinks in. No more doubts, no more what ifs; Ryan just solidified that fact for me. My sister is dead. No more late night chat fests, no more teasing about my choice in clothes, no more threatening her boyfriends. Nope, Mari is dead; and I wish I was too.

As soon as that thought crosses my mind I can't help but smile as I picture my sister yelling at me for thinking that way. She'd tell me that it wasn't my time and I'd better be grateful for the time God gave me. She was hellfire, but she was my sister. Is my sister.

I see Ryan staring at me weirdly, but I assure him that I'm okay. He moves to let my hand go, but I hold on tighter, not quite ready to break the connection. He seems fine with it, squeezing back just as gently, and that strikes me as odd, yet so right.

He tells me that he's staying the night, and thought I know he won't be comfortable in that chair, I can't bring myself to be polite enough to tell him to go home. I feel comfortable with him. Safe.

I relax against my bed, not protesting when he adjusts it so that I am lying down again. The fact that Mari is gone and I am alive is somewhat bittersweet. But at least I survived. I'm still here. Maybe I'll use my second chance at life to actually live.

Maybe Ryan will help me.

THE END