Title: One Year Ago
By: Shacky20
Summary: Nick reflects about one year ago today, he doesn't want to spend their anniversary alone.
Warning: Not a happy fic, be warned. Death of Canon Character
Disclaimer: Yes, I secretly own CSI, and am just tormenting people by not having a scene with Nick/Greg this season

"Well today's our anniversary babe, or should have been. You probably are asking of what aren't you? God how I wish you were still here so we could spend it together. Who knows what we could do? Knowing you it would have been something special, not just the typical pizza, beer, and PS2 probably. Maybe we could have just had a quiet night at home, maybe with some of that flavored massage oil you liked. I always hated that crap remember. It would never come out of the sheets, and it made the whole laundry smell like cheap suntan lotion. I still keep the bottle in the night stand next to your side of the bed. Some nights I even put it on your pillow when I'm feeling lonely."

"Or maybe we could have gone out on the town. Done the touristy things we always talked about. We live in one of the biggest tourist city's in the country, yet we never get to enjoy the fun stuff. We could have ridden that ride on top of the building, or gambled our paychecks away and after we lost everything, stumbled up to our room and enjoyed one of those fancy hotels I usually only see while processing. Could have fucked each other crazy, but I guess we didn't need a fancy hotel room to do that now did we?"

The tears started coming down his cheeks faster and faster now. The burn in his throat and the ache in his chest were making talking more and more difficult, but he had to, he had to be here. There was no where else to go anyway and he only wanted to spend this day with one person. That ache in his chest never really went away, it was a constant, like the ring he still wore on his finger, like the toothbrush that was still in the holder next to his, along with that expensive hair gel.

"You know what I would have done, although you probably never would have expected it from me. I would have told you to put on your good clothes, OK maybe not," he chuckled at the thought and chose his words again "Ok maybe I would have taken you shopping first, and finally taken you out, like an a date that you always said you wanted to, that I was always thinking was a bad idea. Yeah, that's what we would have done. We would have gone out to one of those special restaurants, and splurged on a real bottle of wine, and gone all out and even gotten dessert even though I always fussed about the calories and carbs. Yeah, I know you thought it was all a big conspiracy buy the beef industry, but I did it anyway didn't I. Then I would have taken you back to our house, yeah, our house, and made love to you, cherished you, told you how much I loved you."

The words were becoming harder and harder to say, to think, if he thought to hard, it would be too real again, and then he wouldn't find a reason to get out of bed again tomorrow.

"Can you believe it G, a year ago today we finally did it and moved in together. I don't know what took me so long to finally ask you out, you got under my skin in a way no one had, then etched your soul into mine, and I knew I never wanted to let that go. I remember that day so well, when you finally moved your stuff into our house. I never knew one person could own so many CD's. I never took you for clean type, and you didn't disappoint there did you? Always leaving the clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink. It's too clean there now, it doesn't feel like home anymore without you there. Everyone helped you move your stuff, what little there was. We all sat around and ate pizza and toasted with our beer bottles to our new found happiness, and everyone really was happy for us weren't they? I was so afraid, but you believed didn't you? You had faith in them, that they would be so happy for us, glad we finally admitted it to them, and of course you were right. Especially Cath, she only complained about what took us so long to tell them, but when you finally moved in, she was the first with hugs and congratulations."

"Wherever you are up there Greg, please look out for her. She isn't doing well. We are all worried about her. It was bad enough losing you, but we don't want to lose her too. She showed up at our house the night of your funeral, I had never seen her like that. I want to hate her G, I really do, but I can't, those no room in my heart for hate right now, only this constant ache in my arms and chest that I'll never hold you again. So please just look after her too OK? For me? And I could use a little help too. I'm trying to move on a little at a time, but I just can't, not yet. It's only been four months, I can't yet. I still have your clothes in the closet hanging up, and the ones you threw down on the closet floor because you couldn't decide what to wear to work that night. I don't have the heart to move it. I keep it there because it gives me an excuse to yell at you when you come home I keep thinking. And that God awful music still sits by mine. They say I should maybe at least pack them up and put them up in the closet, I can't, not yet."

"I keep wondering if you know how much I miss you G, but I guess you do where you are. And you are probably up there yelling at me, telling me to live while I can, and I will someday. I promise you someday I will try. But I will never take this ring off my finger. The one you gave me a year ago today. The surprise you gave me that night after everyone left. You were so scared and that it was too girly or too much too soon, but it was the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. Then when I went and found you a matching one for your birthday, you were so touched, you cried and promised me you'd always love me and be there for me, and I believed you, and I know you didn't want to go. And no matter what happens, you'll always be in my heart G, always. I love you, Happy Anniversary Baby, I miss you so much you can't imagine. Whoever said it gets easier was a liar, but I promise you I will try, because you wouldn't expect anything less from me, would you?"

Nick stood up from his usual spot he sits at the grave site, ran his fingers over the etching he knew my touch now. He hated to leave, knowing he would just go home and drink himself into another fitful nights sleep, waking up clutching Greg's pillow, but his scent was starting to fade and that made Nick hurt more than anything, but time went on, and so did life. And he made a promise to Greg that he would try his best to go on, but not today, not when a year ago today their new life together was just beginning, when a year ago today, their new family they had found in this city where celebrating them, not when a year ago today Greg gave him a ring and promised his soul to Nick for the rest of his life. Little did they know that the rest of his life would only be eight short months.

Nick slowly stood up, took one more look at the painful words that were carved in stone. Those words were never going to fade, unlike Greg's scent, but Greg's presence would always be in their home, no matter what Nick had to do. And as he slowly walked away from the headstone he thought about his promise to Greg that last day. He would try, no matter how hard to was, no matter how it hurt, no matter how many nights he woke up screaming hearing a blast and seeing Greg laying on the floor of the lab hallway covered in glass and smelling of charred skin. His last words still ringing in Nick's ear, "Promise me Nick, promise me you'll go on, I'll always be yours." Through his tears and denial, Nick reached out to touch Greg's precious face one last time, "I promise Greg, I promise."