Title: Anxiety
Pairing: Greg/Nick, established relationship
Category: Angst, h/c
Spoilers: Post- "Play With Fire," Pre- "Inside The Box"
Summary: The boys talk about whether Greg should go back to work after the explosion in the lab.
Author: Jacki (kbfan)
Feedback: always much appreciated (kbfan@msn.com)
Archive: WWOMB, Deep End, others please let me know first, thanks.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, except maybe my cat, but that's questionable too. I don't have any money now and I'm not making anything off this either. All rights to these characters belong to the creators and producers of CSI.
Rating: PG
Notes: I wrote this after watching last night's episode. It's kind of a missing scene, I suppose, at least it would be if I wrote the scripts. I need to thank the muses for being there and Ana for the beta and the encouragement.
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"Are you sure you want to go back already?" Nick asked with concern.

Greg turned his head on the pillow and looked into Nick's worried eyes. "Yes," he sighed. "Nick, I told you the doctor said whenever I was ready..."

Nick cut him off mid-sentence. "But what if you're not ready?" he said as he cautiously skimmed his fingers over the thin gauze that still covered Greg's back. Greg was laying stomach down on their bed while Nick sat perched on the edge. Nick had been trying, but he couldn't hide his fear that Greg might not be prepared for what going back to work would mean.

"Nick," Greg replied with a touch of exasperation evident in his tone. They had been having this conversation for the past hour it seemed. "I am. I need to go back to work. I've laid in this bed, watched television and played Sega until I started to get calluses on my thumbs. I NEED to go back to work."

"But, Greg," Nick countered, "you haven't been back there since the..." Nick paused, still afraid to say the word. The word that could have cost Greg his life and it was that thought that once again caused his stomach to lurch. He drew a slightly shaky breath before continuing. "Since the explosion."

Greg knew Nick was still working through his own reaction to the accident, but he also knew it was time to go back there. "Nick," Greg said, wincing a little as he raised his hand to Nick's face. Greg cupped his trembling fingers against Nick's jaw. "You know that old cliché...when you fall off the horse, you need to get back on. Well, Nick, I need to get back on," he finished, trying to convince himself as much as Nick.

Nick knew Greg was trying to reassure him, just as he had been since that day. Even as Greg had lain in that hospital bed, he had been telling Nick he was going to be all right -- that it was just a few burns and a couple cuts and bruises. Nick, however, had talked with Greg's doctor and he knew that Greg was downplaying his injuries. Nick had always been able to handle himself in the face of destruction, death, pain -- but he had never been this close to it before. No one he had ever...loved...had been hurt like Greg had in the explosion. Nick did love Greg, even if he hadn't yet found the courage to say the words aloud. For that reason, Nick just wanted to protect him, to keep him safe, to take away the pain and ensure that he would never be hurt again. Nick knew this was fanciful thinking; he wouldn't always be able to keep Greg from harm, but he couldn't help the instinct to try.

"Greg," Nick spoke finally. "The mess hasn't even been cleaned up completely. Are you sure you want to sit in the lab and see that? Every time you look through the glass walls?"

Greg shivered involuntarily at the thought, but he had already made up his mind. Greg steeled himself once more and he rose up onto his elbows as he looked determinedly into Nick's anxiety-laden face. "I know it's not going to be easy. I know that. But Nick," Greg's voice was almost pleading. " I have to go back there and get back to work. I can't stay holed up in this apartment forever."

"I'm not saying you should," Nick assured him. "It's just that...that maybe it's too soon. Maybe you could take one more week?" Nick asked, his eyebrow raised innocently.

Greg smiled weakly. "You said that last week and the week before," he reminded Nick. Greg lay his palms face-down on Nick's thighs. "And I agreed with you...then. But this time I'm sure. I have to go back there to the back, to the real world."

Nick knew that logically Greg was right, but in his heart he didn't want Greg back at the lab. He wanted him here, in their home, where he would be safe. Here, where no one would carelessly leave the burner on, or deposit some kind of unknown liquid in the fumer where it could explode at any moment. Nick realized he was being selfish, wanting Greg to stay home and give up the work that he loved, but he couldn't help it. All he really wanted was for Greg to be safe, for him to be around for a long, long time.

Nick remembered that day, when he had heard Greg had been hurt and was rushed to the hospital. He had gone over there as soon as he could and had remained at Greg's bedside whenever he got a chance. Nick forsook sleep each day as he sat there, holding Greg's hand. When the nurse would come to change the dressing on Greg's wounds, Nick would turn his head away; he didn't want Greg to see his weakness, to see the stray tears that railed down his cheeks just from the idea that Greg was in such pain. Yet, since Nick had brought him home from the hospital, Greg had been recovering even faster than the doctors had expected. The burns were still covered with bandages but the pain had begun to fade. Nick knew that Greg was ready to return to work, although it was another matter entirely to convince his heart to agree.

Nick looked down into Greg's bright eyes and his own expression softened in response. "You're right," Nick acquiesced, albeit reluctantly. "If you say you're ready to go back there, I can't stop you."

Greg's smile grew a little stronger.

"But," Nick continued, his brow furrowed with the gravity of what he was about to say. "Promise me you'll be careful. Promise me that if you're in pain or anything you'll let me know and we'll get you back home to rest..."

"Nick," Greg interrupted.

"Let me finish. Please," Nick ran his fingers down Greg's one unsullied cheek. "I need you to promise me, because...because..." Nick began to stumble over the next words. He wanted to tell Greg that he loved him, but for some reason the words were caught in his throat.

Greg looked at him, understanding what Nick was trying to say. "I know, Nick," Greg assured him. "I know."

Nick lowered his head, shielding his eyes from Greg's perceptive gaze. He was embarrassed by his own inability to say those three little words. Nick felt Greg's fingers on his chin, tilting his head upward.

"Nick," Greg whispered. "I promise."

-END-