Title: archy
Author: podga
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: CSI and its characters do not belong to me. I write and post for fun only.
Summary: Loosely follows "In The Dark", though in between developments may surprise some of you. Then again, perhaps not!

He sits in the break room and wonders when he got so damn old. Ronnie was bad enough, but now it seems like Ecklie is recruiting ‘em straight out of kindergarten. He used to be the youngest on the original team. Now only Catherine and he remain, which is pretty ironic, because for over three years he was the one with one foot out the door.

Everybody else left. Sara left twice, disappearing as suddenly and inexplicably the second time as she had the first. Greg went to Hollywood, selling his book rights to a producer Nick had never heard of, and occasionally calling Nick to boast about having met this actress or that singer. Brass got offered a position back in New Jersey and decided to accept it. “At some point you gotta go home,” he told Nick during his going-away party. He didn’t seem very enthusiastic about it though. More like resigned to his fate.

And then Gil left. He left slowly, resisting all the way, and Nick wishes it had been faster. Maybe they’d have ended up hurting each other less.

In retrospect, he wonders why it took him so long to come to the realization that it wouldn’t work between them, that it actually never had. He’d always wanted something simple and uncomplicated. What he got instead was drama, and more ups and downs than the college relationships of all his sisters put together. He remembers listening to them, mystified by the amount of shit they were willing to put up with. It had seemed pretty straightforward to him at the time: if you’re not having fun, move on.

It wasn’t all bad, of course. In fact, a lot of it was great. It’s just that they never managed to take it to the next level. Nick tries not to think about it too often, but when he does, he can’t figure out why Gil and he found it impossible to forge a common path together.

Part of it was the mutual lack of communication skills. At first Nick felt like he was over-communicating, but looking back a lot of what he said was not what he felt, only what he felt was right. How many times had he mentioned being burnt out? Once, twice at most. And he’d only given Gil the barest hint of the overpowering hopelessness and loneliness he still sometimes felt after having been buried. He certainly never told Gil of the peace and comfort he felt when they were together, the dawning sense that life went on and could be good.

And what had Gil told him? Not enough, and most of what he had said seemed to be extracted under duress. Well, Nick didn’t want to feel like he had to blackmail somebody into admitting their feelings for him, however heart-felt the confessions were once finally forced into the open.

And the hiding hadn’t helped either. They both had their reasons: Gil didn’t want the exposure unless and until they reached a point where they were absolutely convinced they wanted to be with each other. Which was a pretty impossible target. And Nick wasn’t prepared to come out; his sexual orientation and his partners were nobody’s business. Catherine might have figured it out, but he was damned if anybody else was going to.

After Gil announced his decision to take up a teaching position in New York at work, Catherine ambushed Nick. “You’re just going to let him leave?”

“Not much I can do about it,” Nick shrugged. In fact, he’d felt relieved when Gil had told him earlier. At last, a concrete move to break them both out of their inertia and put an end to an affair that was leading nowhere. They could both get on with their lives.

Even today he thinks that if Catherine had disagreed with him at that point, he might have tried to do something to stop Gil. But Catherine just shook her head. “I guess not,” she agreed resignedly. Oddly that was the closest Nick came to tears during the whole process of saying goodbye to Gil.

“You lucky bastard,” Catherine says, sinking on the chair next to him and rousing him from his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Three weeks off? In a row? How the hell did you get that approved?”

Actually, Nick simply put in to take the rest of his vacation in one block, assuming that it would be difficult to impossible to get away during Thanksgiving or the Christmas holidays. He hadn’t expected his request to be approved and he has no idea how he’s going to fill the time.

“So what are you going to do?”

“No plans. Just hang out. Maybe go home for a visit, see the growing brood of nephews and nieces.”

The idea comes out of nowhere. At first he rejects it as ridiculous. It won’t accomplish anything. It will only stir up things best left alone. They haven’t spoken to each other since Gil left, almost six months ago. There’s no way this would be a simple friendly visit. If his family hears he had time off and didn’t go visit them, they’ll take turns in killing him. Hell, he wants to see the new additions to the family while they’re still sweet and cuddly and before they grow into royal pains in the ass.

But the idea grows stronger and stronger, only it’s not just an idea, it’s a longing deeper than he can even begin to express. He just wants to see Gil again. Whatever else happens. Or doesn’t happen.

He debates giving Gil advance notice and decides not to. He doesn’t want to give Gil the chance to tell him not to come. In any case, he might change his mind half-way to New York and he needs to know that he can turn around at any point without having to give reasons or excuses.

And so, on a sunny and breezy late September afternoon, he finds himself standing outside the entrance to the NYU library. He was nervous before, but now he’s feeling pretty flat; this is the second address he’s been sent to in his search of Gil and he’s starting to think that somebody is trying to send him a signal. The library is enormous and he wonders how he’ll find Gil inside, or if he even wants to any more. No. This is a mistake. This is definitely a mistake. He should just grab a cab and head back to the airport. He can be home by dinner time.

“Nick?”

Gil’s voice comes from behind him and he swings around, his heart pounding. Gil is a little thinner, his hair a little longer. He has a book bag slung over one shoulder, and he looks years younger.

“Hey,” Nick croaks.

Gil suddenly smiles. “What the hell are you doing here?” He steps up to Nick and hugs him quickly, then steps back, still smiling. “It’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you, too,” Nick says awkwardly, as if he hasn’t just traveled over 2000 miles for the explicit purpose of seeing Gil. The thing is, he never expected Gil to look so happy to see him. He’s prepared several different versions of a speech, and all are based on the premise that Gil would be either puzzled and/or annoyed, so now he’s caught wrong-footed, with no idea what to say.

“Are you here for a conference?” Gil asks.

“Yeah,” Nick answers quickly, grabbing at the lifeline with both hands.

“How’s your schedule? Do you have time for a cup of coffee?”

Nick glances at his watch, as if he really might have something else to do.

“Sure. Actually, I’m kind of hungry, as well,” Nick says.

“Any kind of food in particular? You can get practically anything you want within a couple of blocks.”

“A burger will be fine,” Nick says.

“OK. Right this way. So, where’s the venue?”

“The venue?”

“For the conference.”

Shit. Does New York have a Hilton Hotel? It must. Every city has one.

“The Hilton,” he mumbles and is relieved when Gil nods. “You look good, Griss. New York City agrees with you.”

Gil flashes him another grin. God, he can’t get over how carefree Gil looks.

“Sleeping nights agrees with me even more. And the day job isn’t that demanding, either. Two or three lectures a week, counseling some students on research projects, that’s about it.”

“Aren’t you bored?”

Gil looks surprised at the question. “Bored? No. Why would I be bored?”

Nick shrugs. “I don’t know.” He’s momentarily distracted when Gil gently bumps into him, forcing him to turn left at the corner. “You were always pretty hardcore about the job.”

“Was I?”

This time it’s Nick who bumps into Gil. “Griss. You know you were.”

“This is it,” Gil says. Nick is a little disappointed to see a pretty seedy-looking diner. But then, did he really expect anything different from Gil?

“Wait until you taste the burgers,” Gil says.

In the following hour, Nick grows more and more off balance. He’s having a hard time associating the man sitting across the table from him with the Grissom who left Las Vegas less than a year ago. And yet he has an odd sense of recognition as well, a memory that is just out of reach, and the harder he chases after it, the further it retreats.

“Dessert?”

“Nah. I’m good.”

“You’re sure? This place is known for its chocolate pie.”

And then it hits Nick. This Gil is like the guy he first met almost ten years ago. He’s stunned at the realization. Jesus. Had Gil really changed so much? When had it happened? When he became supervisor? And how come nobody seemed to have noticed or commented on it? He hadn’t known Gil very well in the beginning, but what about Catherine or Brass or Warrick? His mind races, trying to remember cases, specific events, but after all these years it’s pretty much a blur. Hell, he just now remembers that Gil didn’t have a beard for the first two or three years Nick was on his team. How can he remember changes in behavior?

“Nick!”

“Sorry. I was miles away. No, really, nothing more for me.”

“I’ll have a slice. If you still have time?”

“What? Oh, yeah. Yeah. All I have to do is check into the hotel tonight. The sessions don’t really start until tomorrow.”

“No welcome dinner?” Gil raises his eyebrows.

“No budget, I guess. See, you got out just in time,” Nick jokes and Gil laughs.

Nick smiles as he watches Gil devour the pie with a single-minded intensity. He’s glad he decided to come. He’s even more glad Gil bumped into him when he did, otherwise he’d be flying home right now. And he’d have missed this.

“So,” Gil says, signaling at the waitress for the check. “I don’t live too far away from the Marriott. We can share a cab. Unless you’d rather take the subway?”

“You have to ride the subway in New York City, right?”

Gil waves away Nick’s attempt to pay for the bill. “No, let me get this.”

“Thanks, Gil.”

It’s grown dark and chilly when they leave the diner, and Nick sets off at a quick clip without waiting for Gil to give directions.

“Nick. Hold up. Where are you going?”

“Isn’t the subway station this way? I thought I saw it on the way over here.”

“No. I mean, where are you going? The Hilton or the Marriott?”

Damn. Damndamndamn. He’s glad it’s too dark for Gil to see the color rushing to his cheeks. How the hell does Gil always manage to trip him up?

“I’m not that out of touch, you know,” Gil says gently. “I still get the newsletters. I’d have known if there were a conference in the City.”

Nick hitches his duffel bag more firmly onto his shoulder and starts walking again. Gil falls into step next to him.

“Do you have someplace to stay?”

“I’m sure it won’t be a problem. Do you really live near the Marriott?”

“No. My apartment is actually four blocks away from here.”

“Figures,” Nick mutters sulkily.

“Why don’t you come stay with me?”

Nick’s heart kicks in his chest at the invitation. More problematic and slightly more obvious, if Gil looks down, is the fact that his cock grows hard. Christ. Sex is not going to happen tonight, he tells himself firmly.

“Nick,” Gil says, reaching for Nick’s arm and turning him around so that they’re facing each other. “What are you doing here?”

“I have three weeks off. I didn’t expect to get it all, but Ecklie approved it, and then I didn’t really have any plans. So I thought I’d go home and visit my family. And then…” He loses the thread of what he’s trying to say and he just stares into Gil’s eyes. God, he’s beautiful. “And then…” he tries again, but his voice peters out a second time.

“I was going to call you,” Gil says. “I didn’t know if you wanted to hear from me, but I was going to call you and invite you here for a vacation. Or for the holidays or a weekend, whatever. And if you weren’t willing to come here, I was going to come to Vegas.”

“I would have come,” Nick says, and it’s a stupid response, because after all, he’s here, isn’t he?

Gil laughs, and it sounds a little like a sob.

“Come stay with me,” he repeats.

Nick has five sisters. There’s no doubt in his mind that every single one would tell him not to go home with Gil, that they first need to figure things out, that they can’t let sexual attraction cloud the issues. There’s also no doubt in his mind that not a single one of them would actually refuse Gil’s invitation, if they were in his shoes.

“Do you have those nice little bottles of shampoo and shower gel in your bathroom?” he asks.

“No. But I’ll introduce you to Archy.”

“Archy?”

Gil puts his arm around Nick’s shoulders and starts walking again. “Archy and mehitabel? You’ve never heard of them?”

As Nick walks next to Gil, listening to him drone on in full lecture mode, he realizes that it’s been a long while since he’s felt this happy. Even the realization that Archy is a cockroach (and with Gil, who can be sure it’s an ordinary cockroach and not some enormous tropical thing that’s been given free rein of the apartment?) isn’t enough to put the slightest dent in his mood.

At least not tonight.