Title: Something as Simple as a Smile
Author: Anya
Rating: Strong R for strong sexual content and a curse word.
Keywords: Angst, C/S, G/S, Language, Sexual content, Slash.
Spoilers: Minor ones up to TAIE.
Summary: Two people who love Sara think about life with her.
Disclaimer: Don’t own CSI.

~~~

I’m not sure when she stopped smiling. 

I wasn’t really paying attention. 

Catherine had to be the one to point it out to me. 

But lately, she’s smiling again.

I would take it as a good sign. 

But she doesn’t smile at me.

Not like she used to.

Not as often as she used to.

She’s been pulling away.

I didn’t notice that either.

She doesn’t stand as close to me as she used to.

She doesn’t meet my eyes as often as she used to.

She doesn’t stop by my office on her way out of the building like she
used to.

We don’t talk as often as we used to. 

We don’t have the relationship that we used to.

We are friends.

Once, there was a tension between us.

The possibility of something more.

But not any more.

We are friends and co-workers.

Nothing else.

And she’s happy.

As a scientist, I can’t help but wonder if the two are related.

She’s not dating Hank anymore.

I learned that from Catherine.

Not from her.

From Catherine.

But she’s happy. 

Happier than I’ve ever seen her.

I thought that I was the only one that could make her happy.

Apparently I was wrong.

She doesn’t max out on overtime anymore.

She’s no longer the first to show up for her shift.

She’s no longer the last to leave.

She doesn’t come in on her days off as often as in the past.

The passion for the job is still there. 

She does it just as well as she used to.

But she has another outlet for her passion now.

She has her diversion.

I never realized how much she meant to me. 

Until she belonged to someone else.

I don’t know who the lucky guy is.

But it doesn’t matter.

I have accepted that I will never have her love.

Now I would be happy with something as simple as a smile.


***


We’ve had a hard day at work.

She pushes her food around on her plate aimlessly.

I reach out and brush a hair out of her face.

She looks up at me.

I’d ask her if she wants to talk about it, but I know the answer.

We try not to bring the work home.

We watch television wordlessly.

Lindsay is at Eddie’s this weekend, so we don’t have to pretend.

We don’t have to be afraid that she will see us and tell Eddie, or her
teachers.

I have enough trouble dealing with prejudices against former dancers
and single, working mothers.

The last thing I need is to have homophobes on my ass.

Lying on the couch, she traces circles on my back as I lay in her arms.

Once in a while, her hands reach up and run through my blond hair.

I place a soft kiss between her breasts.

She looks down at me.

At one time, there was worry in those eyes.

Worry that someone would find out.

Worry that I was just ‘experimenting’.

Worry that this wasn’t real.

Now there is nothing but love.

I crawl on top of her and cover her lips with mine.

Her hands sneak under my blouse, finding my breasts and caressing them
gently.

For a moment, she refuses to allow my tongue entry into her mouth.

I tickle her lightly, and she giggles, giving me an opportunity to
invade.

Her giggles turn to sighs against my mouth.

I cup her through her pants and she pulls away, whispering my name.

We walk to the bedroom.

Once there, she sits on the bed and gives me a sly smile.

I swivel my hips in time to some imagined music, pulling my shirt over
my head slowly.

I dance over to her, and she removes my bra, feasting on my flesh.

I can hear noises coming from the living room.

The television is still on.

Neither of us cares.

The rest of our clothes are hastily shed.

I love how easily I can arouse her.

Her nipples are hard against my hand.

I can feel her heat and moisture as she grinds into my thigh.

I touch her, just the way she likes it.

She hisses and moans and then sighs.

She rolls me over and moves her tongue down my body.

Her hands pull my hips closer to her.

I can’t help but wrap my legs around her head.

I grip the sheets.

The fitted one comes off the corner of the bed.

I can taste myself on her tongue when she kisses me.

She lies down next to me, propping herself up on one elbow.

Her hand caresses my stomach.

It’s not quite as flat as hers, but she doesn’t care.

I reach up to peel a piece of hair off her sweaty face.

She grins at me, exposing that beautiful gap between her front teeth.

It amazes me how happy she can make me, with something as simple as a
smile.

~Fin.