TITLE: Blameless
AUTHOR: sexycazzy
RATING: PG-15
FANDOM: CSI: NY
PAIRING/CHARACTER(s): Don/Danny, Stella, Hawkes, mentions of Mac off-screen
GENRE: slash
WARNING: angst, hurt/comfort
SUMMARY: How can Don and Danny cope without Mac?
DISCLAIMER: CSI:NY & it's characters are not mine and they belong to it's show & its creators
WRITER'S NOTE: Written for comment_fic - prompt was: Danny/Don, Mac leaves them and they struggle to make things work as a couple because they each blame themselves for Mac leaving, by scripps

Un-beta~ed, so all mistakes etc are all mine! Comments/feedback welcomed and are loved! ~smile~

 

***

There was a knock on the door to Danny and Don's apartment.

Danny stirred and woke up, and rubbed his eyes. He got up and walked over to the door to find Stella waiting outside.

What Stella saw shocked her.

Danny was unshaven; his hair messy and eyes blood-shot, looked like Danny was been crying all night. Stella could smell some alcohol on Danny's breath.

"Stella?" Danny asked, in a gruffly tone, a hand running through his hair.

"I wanted to drop by to see how you're doing..." Stella said, and peeked into the apartment. She saw cans, boxes of pizza and crumbs from crisps and pizza everywhere on the floor. It looked like it haven't been cleaned in days.

"And now I'm glad I did," Stella said, walking in past Danny to the lounge and looked around. She saw the kitchen in a worse state. There were plates piling up in the sink and dirty glasses everywhere.

"Just don't, Stella," Danny warned, closing the door behind him. He went to the sofa and sat down, his elbows sat on his knees.

Stella came and sat down next to Danny and put a hand on Danny's back and rubbed it gently.

"Where's Don?" Stella asked, gently.

"Dunno. He left after an argument," Danny replied.

"When did he leave?"

Danny looked up, and frowned. "No idea, probably last night...or was it two nights ago? I don't care."

"Oh, Danny! I knew that Mac leaving had a huge impact on you and Don, but..." Stella gestured to the air around the apartment. "...I didn't expect this!"

Danny shrugged, not caring. Ever since Mac left him and Don, he started to lose motivation for everything. He started to drink heavily and just sat in the dark, getting depressed, and not caring about anything.

"What were you arguing about?"

"Oh, this and that. He wanted me to get out more and get back to work," Danny explained. "But how could I go back to work, having to face Mac everyday?"

Stella blinked in surprise. "Didn't you know?"

"Know about what?" Danny looked up, confused.

"Mac didn't just leave you two, but he also left the labs, left New York. We don't know where he has gone. He just disappeared."

Danny's eyes widened in shock. "What? I...I thought...wow...but why did he leave like that? What did we do that was so wrong to make him leave?" Danny started to sob.

Stella took Danny in her arms and stroked Danny's hair.

"I don't know...but you are not to blame, you understand? None of us are to blame. Mac chose to leave us and not you, or Don, or me can do anything about it. All we can do is move on."

"Don blames me..." Danny whispered in between of sobs.

Stella looked down at Danny. "Do you blame him?" Danny shook his head furiously. "Do you love him?"

"I love him so much that it hurt to know that he blames me for Mac leaving," Danny said, strained.

"Are you sure?"

Danny was about to open his mouth and then closed it again. He and Don has never really talked about Mac leaving, Danny realized. All they did was just sit in the dark, not bothering to talk, both in shock. Then Don just got up one day and tried to get Danny out of the apartment, but Danny didn't want to and so they ended up arguing. Then Don left.

"Oh, god...what have I done?"

"It will be okay. We will find Don and get you two talking again, I promise you," Stella kissed the top of Danny's head. "Now, go and have a shower...you stink!"

Danny laughed...probably the first time he laughed since Mac left.

"Thanks, Stella," Danny got up and went to the bathroom.

Stella got up and went to the kitchen, and got some garage bags and started to clean the apartment. After she has finished clearing all the cans, boxes and hoovered, Stella put three full of garage bags in the hall outside and returned to the apartment, and pulled her sleeves, ready to wash the dishes.

But before she started on that, Stella pulled out a cell and made a call...

* * * *

Don was sitting on a stool in the bar, when Hawkes came in and sat down next to Don. Don looked up and Hawkes saw that Don was unshaven and he was looking pale.

"We were looking all over for you, buddy," Hawkes said.

"What do you want?" Don said, sharply.

"Danny needs you," Hawkes replied.

"Oh, no, he doesn't need me. He blames me for Mac leaving!" Don yelled.

Hawkes raised an eyebrow and looked at Don. "Are you sure?"

"Hell, yes!"

"Do you love Danny?"

"Yes, of course! What a kind of question is that?" Don glared at Hawkes.

Hawkes put his hands up. "Just checking...so what made you think Danny blames you? Did he tell you in his own words?"

"Yes...no...but he sure acted like it. He just sat there, staring out the window and not talking to me. When I tried to talk to him, and tried to get him out the apartment, he went crazy, and I couldn't handle it. So I left," Don explained to Hawkes.

Hawkes nodded, suddenly understanding what happened between Don and Danny. They were really idiots, Hawkes thought to himself, and chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, you and Danny. You both love each other, you both think the other blames you, and yet you never really talked," Hawkes shook his head.

"Danny thinks I blame him?"

"Yeah, from what Stella told me, so it seems," Hawkes said.

Suddenly Don sat up, and turned to Hawkes, looking shocked and confused. "But I don't blame him!" Then it dawned on him. "Oh...I am such an idiot!"

Hawkes put a hand on Don's shoulder and squeezed it.

"Yep."

* * * *

After taking a shower at Hawkes' apartment, Don felt better and refreshed. He went over to the apartment, feeling nervous and wondering what he will face as he opened the door.

Don took in the sight in front of him. He gawked at the lounge in shock. It was tidy and there were no cans or boxes everywhere. Don walked around to the kitchen and found it in a similar state, and all the glasses and dishes put away.

"Stella cleared everything away..." Danny said behind him. Don turned and saw Danny standing there in the doorway to the bedroom. He looked clean and handsome. He was shaven.

"Hey..." Don put a hand up, and Danny smiled.

"So..."

They stood there in silence, just staring at each other, unsure who would make the first move. Finally, what seemed to be a long time, but really it was only a few seconds, Don moved to the sofa and indicating for Danny to come and sit down next to him.

"We are both idiots," Don said as Danny sat down. He gave a chuckle. "Yeah...and it took Stella and Hawkes to get us talking."

Then they fell silent, Danny fidgeting with his hands; Don tapping the arm of the sofa.

Then, "I don't blame you," Don and Danny spoke, almost at the same time.

And they burst out laughing. As soon as it quietened down, Don looked at Danny and whispered, "I never thought you were to blame for Mac leaving."

"I just...I just wanted to feel numb...I didn't know what to do when he left," Danny said, trembling. "Did you know Mac just disappeared? Nobody saw him. Why did he do that?"

"I have no idea...I don't know...perhaps he couldn't handle being in love with us; perhaps he felt guilty because he loved again and it meant leaving Clarie behind, I really don't know," Don tried to assure Danny. "We don't know what was in Mac's mind. What can we do is try to move forward."

"I just want him here...it's so hard!" Danny said, quietly. Don put an arm around Danny and pulled him close.

"So do I, mate," Don agreed. "But he is gone, and we are here."

Danny looked up at Don, and he looked nervous. He cleared his throat and started to ask when Don interrupted.

"I love you so much...I know we have a difficult time ahead of us, but I am certain we will get through it."

"Oh, thank god! I thought...you were going to leave me....god...I love you so much!" Danny buried his head in Don's neck.

"I will never leave you..." Don said as he pulled Danny up and kissed him softly on the lips.

"And I will never leave you either," Danny responded.

The two of them sat on the sofa, just holding each other, finally, after what could have been a month being apart.

~fin~