Title: Reflections On Bliss
Author: Khylara
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Pairing: Gil Grissom/Nick Stokes
Rating: PG 13? for M/M talk, kissing
Status: Complete
Archive: Yes to whoever wants it, but especially for WWOMB & Fingerprints
Feedback: Yes, please - either onlist or off. Please be gentle - first attempt in new fandom.
Email: melmast@hotmail.com
Series: No
Disclaimer: They're not mine. (I wish they were so I could watch! :) I promise to put them back when I'm done.
Notes: This is in answer to Lovely Lady's challenge in which a character thinks about his feelings for another character. Thanks for the inspiration!
Summary: Gil reflects on the turn his life has taken.

1st person - Gil's POV // indicates thought

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Reflections On Bliss
-Khylara

I don't know what woke me. The unfamiliarity of my surroundings, probably. Although I was getting used to sleeping away from my own bed as time went on, it was still a little unnerving to be jolted out of a sound sleep by something I know I'd never hear over at my place.

Usually when it happened, Nicky would wake up, too - he's a light sleeper - and we'd either talk or make love until we were both exhausted enough to try sleeping again. Tonight, though, he hadn't stirred, and I didn't have the heart to wake him.

/Tired,/ I mused, taking in the dark circles under his eyes, knowing there were similar ones under mine. To say it had been a rough week was a major understatement.

Very carefully I slid out of bed and pulled on my robe. I was wide awake now and itching to do something, so much so that I knew I'd wake Nicky if I stayed. /Let him sleep,/ I thought fondly, brushing a featherlight kiss against his forehead before stealing out of the room.

Pausing in the kitchen long enough to pull a beer from the firdge, I wandered out onto the balcony, dazzled a little bu the bright lights. You can't see the strip from my place, but you can from Nicky's and it's beautiful in it's own garish, ten million watt way. beautiful, but a little overwhelming.

Much like this is, really. Because I never thought it would happen to me.

I've been alone for most of my life. Didn't plan it that way - it just happened. And for the most part, I was content. not reeling around in a state of bliss, mind you - and I'm still not sure what that is - but I was doing something I loved, something I was good at and that occassionally made a difference. And I was fine with that. And if my days off were a little long, if my place felt a little too empty, then I had only myself and my dubious people skills to blame. Most of the time, it didn't matter. The times it did...well...throwing myself deeper into my work ususally helped push everything else out of my mind. For a little while, anyway.

I could've gone on forever like that, living for my job until I woke up on my retirement day wondering where my life had gone. That wouldn't have lasted long, though. Even now I know it would've lasted long enough to find a private place so I could eat my gun. Selfish, I know, but with my work gone...with nothing - or no one - else in my life...

That was before this, though. Before Nicky.

Blindsided is the only word I can come up with to describe everything that has to do with me and him and us. It's the only word that truly fits. One minute we're how we always were with eachother - co- workers, casual friends, two people running into eachother at the same take-out place because we both hate to cook. The next we're at his place sharing lo mein and a few too many beers. And those damned fortune cookies. It's like something out of a trashy romance novel - a fortune cookie's message bringing together two lonely hearts.

But that's what it came down to, really - a stupid cookie. That was enough to send my world for a loop bigger than anything on my rollercoasters. Hell of a lot scarier, too, because I wasn't just risking my neck.

I was risking my heart.

And I've never done that before. Not with anyone.

"You will find love in an unexpected place," mine had read. I had laughed about it even as my heart ached, because my pleasant evening was quickly turning into one of those nights where the loneliness was just too much to bear and being so close to Nicky was only making it worse. I've longed for him for I don't know how long, wanting to be with him but not wanting to take the risk for whatever reason. And I had a bunch of good ones...I was his boss, I was too old, I didn't want to ruin our friendship or make a complete ass out of myself... But the biggest one was I was scared. Pure and simple.

It had been too much for me then and I had gotten up, ready to bolt out the door and run for my life when Nicky stopped me. Not with a word or a look or even a touch, but with a kiss.

Love in an unexpected place. The most unexpected of all.

Turns out Nicky had been longing for me, too. He wasn't sure how long, either; it had snuck up on him as quietly as it had on me. And he had been just as scared, just as unsure, until he had heard what my fortune was and read his own.

Which was "Taking a chance will give you your heart's desire." God, how more prophetic - or corny - can you get?

We spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, talking about anything and everything in between kisses. I told Nicky things I haven't told anyone in my entire life and I know - deep down I know - that he bared his own soul. We ended up falling asleep like that, sprawled out on his huge couch, tangled up in each other. And it was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time.

As for the kisses...well...Nicky could certainly raise the dead with one of his kisses. He certainly did wonders with an old man who hadn't even thought about sex in who knew how long.

It's still a little hard to believe that someone like Nicky could love someone like me. Let's face it, I'm high maintenance at the best of times and Nick has never had a problem finding any number of women for a date. It wasn't until after we were together for awhile that he told me that for the most part, his dates had been empty. He had been looking for a completeness he thought he'd have to go back to Texas to find. Until he found it with me.

As for me, this was a far cry from how I thought I'd spend the rest of my days. I had thought I'd end up an eccentric old man with just my bugs and my books for company. I never thought...never dreamed...I'd find love this late in the game. But I'm going to hold onto it - and enjoy it - for as long as it lasts.

For the rest of my life, hopefully.

"Gil?"

I turned away from the view of the strip and smiled. Nicky was standing at the balcony doorway, his normally in place hair in wild disaray, his robe tied on loosely, barely covering him, looking rumpled and sexy and completely confused. Adorable, too.

"Hey." I sat my beer down on the ledge. "Sorry if I woke you."

He shook his head as he came over. "You didn't really. I reached over and you weren't there." His arms slid around my waist, pulling me close as he brushed a kiss along my ear. "Everything okay?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, letting myself relax in Nicky's embrace as a warm, unfamiliar feeling washed over me. /So this is what bliss feels like,/ I mused, a little giddy. I had a feeling it was something I was going to get used to.

I laid my head against his broad shoulder, a shiver going through me as his embrace tightened just a little. Bliss, at last. I never thought it would happen to me.

But it did. Finally.

"Yeah, Nicky," I said softly, looking up into those beautiful eyes gazing at me. So much love in those eyes...I only hoped he could see how much love was in mine. "Yeah. Everything's okay."

A soft smile, a finger lightly brushing my cheek, and I knew he had. For both of us, bliss. At last.