Story Title: Psychoanalysis at Lady Heather's Box
Author: Esynnaj
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Pairing: Gil/Warrick
Rating: FRT-13
Email: vebesahchalarc@sbcglobal.net
Permission to archive: WWOMB, CSI slash, all others please ask first
Fandom: CSI Las Vegas
Genre: Slash
Summary: Grissom learns more than he wished to know about self-actualization.
Disclaimer: CSI and all characters from it belong to CBS Productions, Touchstone Television, Alliance Atlantis Communications and Jerry Bruckheimer Films.

PSYCHOANALYSIS AT LADY HEATHER'S BOX

Absolute contentment for Gil Grissom lay at opposite ends of a spectrum and he'd been swinging back and forward between them for quite some time now. At the one was Lady Heather, who was like no other woman he had ever known. While completely nonjudgmental and tolerant of his emotional detachment and other quirks, she often expressed a professional and increasingly personal interest in why they existed. She was one of only two persons in whom he could confide very nearly anything and everything about himself and not fear being told the manner in which he had elected to live his life was incorrect, unacceptable or mystifying.

In the line of duty, a gathering of the evidence had once led him to accuse her of a crime she had not committed and almost lose the budding rapport he'd been building with her. Fortunately, she was an understanding and forgiving woman whose curiosity about Grissom had allowed him back into her good graces, which was where he meant to remain. He could think of only one thing equaling an evening spent in her genteel, inquisitive and informative presence and preferred not to think of that or who it involved when he was with her.

Seated on the patio of her beautifully furnished, split level apartment attached to Lady Heather's Box, which was where they frequently met to have tea and discuss whatever came to either of their minds, he felt relaxed and at ease. Here, he could get away from the nonexistence of his personal life and the hassles of his professional life.

She seemed to be doing the same, had begun having the confidence in their relationship to dress down in his company. Often meeting him in slacks and tailored silk shirts, she'd look to be more a lovely suburbanite that a dominatrix. He had first met her in her on-the-job attire and she had worn what he had deemed to be almost formal attire during their initial get-togethers. Lately, she had been coming out in much more comfortable and casual wear. But this day, surprisingly, she appeared in her work clothes, a form fitting black leather and lace gown revealing a multitude of creamy white skin and he wondered if that meant their evening was going to be cut short.

Politely, he asked, "Do you… have an appointment to keep? I can come back later."

"Oh no, no appointment. A long time friend of mine is coming over later, but that had nothing to do with business. So please sit down. You're not interfering at all. He's not scheduled to arrive just yet and I don't want to miss out on the pleasure of your company."

Neither wanting to miss out in the pleasure of her company, Grissom did so. As their expertly prepared meal progressed, the appealing conversation became more and more personal, since he was as curious about her as she was about him. Convinced she received a measure of positive reinforcement from their talks as well as much as he did, he had become assured enough to ask questions about her private life just as he had been giving her knowledge of his. This sharing had become important to him and a portion of their relationship he had no wish to relinquish.

"No, I can assure you, it wasn't accidental or unintentional that I've come to do what I do," she was explaining to him in answer to a question, smiling slightly. "In my case, none of the myths hold true. I was never some forlorn, lost little girl who fell into the sordid world of prostitution to survive and managed to work my way up the ranks. Nothing I've ever done has been coincidental or unintentional. Early on, I knew I was different and also knew I wanted to help others enjoy and express their differences, not hide or be embarrassed about them. I've never thought of anything anyone wanted to do as sexual deviance, so long as it was consensual and all partners involved were of age. I say that although I wasn't of age when I decided to provide a safe haven where such desires could be pleasantly indulged. Coming to Vegas has simply aided me in the discovery of an arena and method to legally and successfully do that."

"So you've never wanted to do anything else?"

"Never. I'm very good at what I do, excellent, in fact. It's made me financially secure and given me a reputation as the best, which I'm very proud of. I love the life I have and want none other."

To a degree, that, Grissom understood. He could not imagine being anything other than what he was, a forensic criminalist. As it was with her, his career was his entire life. However, unlike with Lady Heather, he had never been able to meld the harmony of self he found on the job with the more private portions of his life. He wished for that but had not but had not found the means to manage that. She and he had often had extensive conversations about that deficiency but had not come to any agreement on how it could be relieved, which, it seemed to him, bothered her. She had made too many remarks about how the reconciliation of ones' self in every way, emotional, mental and physical, was necessary for total actualization. She had hinted that was something he needed to do. But she was too much of a lady to give him advice about what he might do minimize the lifelong mind-set and repression of feelings that had made of him an emotional wasteland. Still, he had never doubted she intended to put all the personal data about him she had collected to eventual use.

He just had not thought this would be that day.

Leaning toward him across the prettily decked out glass table, she said, "I assume it's the same for you. You haven't ever wanted to be anything besides what you are, have you?"

Smiling back at her, he asked, "Are we talking professional or personal?"

"With me, it's both. With you, it's intensely personal."

Lifting an eyebrow and cocking his head slightly to the side, he gave her an expressive and mildly questioning, "Indeed."

Her smile widened as she leisurely sat back, "Oh yes, very much indeed. I'm something of a social worker, Gil, as you should know by now. I've built my career on studying people to determine what's needed for them to alleviate the relentless pressure of being forced to live in an unkind and unforgiving, overly moralistic society and delivering that to them. If I do this for strangers who pay me exceedingly well for my services, can I possibly do any less for those who have become my friend?"

"You think of me as your friend?"

"A very good friend. And, I don't enjoy seeing my friends in pain."

Now, Grissom sat back, taking in that unexpected comment. "I assume, by that, you're inferring that I'm one of your friends who's in pain."

"I am. You've had a lot of practice at concealing it, but you're in more pain that the majority of my clients are. I'd honestly like to see it relieved."

"I thank you for that, but I'm not in as much pain as you imagine. I have very effective avenues for easing the pressures of my life, one of which, I might add, is the companionship you have so kindly offered me."

"Are there others?"

After a long pause, Grissom admitted, "There are," saying additionally and with finality, "but they have no place in what we're talking about now."

"Ah, but they do. They must. You can't split your life into sections and expect to ever achieve any wholeness. It's only with wholeness that anyone can obtain self-actualization."

With a sigh he tried to keep her from hearing, Grissom said, "You certainly do talk a lot about Maslow and his theories."

"Yes, I do. I believe in his Hierarchy of Human Needs to the innermost depths of my heart."

"Well, I must say, while Maslow's theory is admirable, I have my doubts as to whether the state of self-actualization, as he defines it, is obtainable. It is a perfection of self that we, as fallible and imperfect beings, will always have difficult in achieving."

"True. But there are those of us who do achieve it to our own satisfaction. Consequently, we become comfortable within our own skin and never allow the viewpoints of others to prevent us from being happy and at peace. Having said that, I now say this. Under most circumstances, particularly when it comes to forming a healthy relationship with another person, you are not happy or at peace, Gil Grissom. You have unresolved trust issues that putting a halt to that."

"They are justifiable, unresolved trust issues. At this point in my life, I can't imagine how resolving them can possibly be done."

"Of course you can't. That's why you've remained in pain all these years."

"I'm not meaning to reject what you're telling me, but what you're saying is a rationalization without foundation. I can acknowledge your opinion, but not accept it. I have my own take on why people are the way they are, including myself. I'm afraid I've studied and analyzed human behavior enough to have formulated my own set of beliefs."

"Yes, I've realized this about you. You are an empirically based scientist who tends to follow the line of thought presented by John Watson, which teaches that all human behavior is based on physiology rather than psychology. He taught we're the sum of the events in our lives, rather than being formed by any spiritual or emotional mechanism."

"You are correct and know me well."

"Better than you think. I'm not in denial about the importance environment, genetic and cultural stimuli have in forming one's personality, but that's not all there is to it. Even you can't deny we as adults are beyond the animals Pavlov tested or the children Thorndike worked with in an effort to prove the finality of behaviorism. We're discussed too much how psychology and philosophy, not to mention our instinctive drives for survival, reproduction and connection with our fellow man affects human nature for me to believe you honestly feel all emotional responses are simply reactions based on habitual condition, as B.F. Skinner preached. You possess the uniqueness of an open-mindedness that wouldn't allow for that."

"Perhaps I do, but…"

Lady Heather held up her hand and interrupted him to add, "Gil, as adults, we're capable of more easily making decisions and have a much greater range of choices than Pavlov's dogs. We also have far more experience than Thorndike's children when it comes to making those decisions and choices. As for you personally, I also believe you' are a man who has reached the step just below self-actualization, which is a totality of self-esteem. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your self-esteem. In your very unique way, you are one of the most serenely and supremely confident men I've ever known. Whether or not you believe in the concept of self-actualization, it now time for you to take the next step toward completeness. You need to rid yourself of the fears that have kept you from true happiness and let another wholly into your life. You need to merge all of yourself into a whole, undergo a unification I can't give to you. Or rather, it's not from me you'll receive this unification. I'd do it for you if I could, but I can't. "

"Are you suggesting someone else?"

"I am."

"Do you have someone particular in mind, maybe one of your employees?"

"Oh, no, never. I train them well and have selected the cream of the crop, but the boundaries of what we do here at Lady Heather's Box doesn't allow for the depth of linkage you require. My guys and girls only can scratch the surface. You need someone very special."

"And, who might that be?"

Grissom waited patiently while Lady Heather took a sip of her tea then said in a offhanded manner that appeared to be changing the subject, "I've been plying my trade here in Vegas for quite awhile and either know, know of or heard about everyone who has any special talents related to my field. There are plenty who perform similar services as I do, but few who do it very well. I'm always attracted to those who do, even if it's not exactly what I do. Those who appear gifted, I seek out. A number of years ago, there was a young man I approached about coming to work for me at Lady Heather's. He was a heavy gambler at the time and had taken a position at one of the better escort services in order to pay his debts."

Grissom sat up straight suddenly, taking a sharp inhalation of breath. Lady Heather eyed him as she added, "He was an extremely good-looking young man with the casual sophistication and charisma to be pleasing to everyone who hired him. I was informed by several of my patrons, and even a few of my employees who had gone out their way to personally experience them, that his skills in the boudoir were quite… extensive and commendable. I did a little research and was told he had a steady, high end clientele, most of them repeat customers, who wouldn't take anyone else. If he wasn't available as an escort, they simply waited until he was. Many of them offered him whatever it would take, over and beyond what he was being paid, in failed attempts to convince him he should leave his escort employers to service them privately and exclusively. I learned those numerous offers included vast sums of monetary wherewithal along with other expensive considerations, such as setting him up in an apartment, settling his debts and providing other, more eclectic sorts of remuneration. He refused them all."

"If you're talking about Warrick Brown, I'm very aware of his history."

"I'm aware of your awareness. But, let me continue. I was intrigued when he turned down every single one of these very advantageous proposals, including mine. I asked him why and he told me it a matter of independence. He would, and I quote, belong to no man or woman until that man or woman belonged to him. His lifestyle was his choice and he was determined to live according to his own design. His refusal to be beholden to anyone else for his livelihood was appealing. He was a very intelligent, highly opinionated young man in addition to being very attractive and I began to take pleasure in and get benefit from having pleasant conversations with him, much as I do with you. I count him among my friends and I've kept track of him through the years."

"I'm not sure," Grissom said, "that I want to hear anymore of this."

"But you will, because I'm not finished. I remember quite well and was quite amazed when a man came into his life and successfully removed him from how he had been living. Seemingly overnight, he went from an indulgent and lucrative street lifestyle to a working man's nine to five. Again, I asked him why he'd made the choice he had. He laughed and told me it was because he had found the man he thought he could belong to and could belong to him. He said the glamour and material goods he had thought were so necessary before had come to mean very little to him. He wanted this man to respect and admire him as he did the man and had chosen instead to live the only kind of life he felt might bring him that respect and admiration. And, in time, the love he hoped would be returned."

Grissom had been tightly gripping the edge of the table, staring at her in shock. Now, he relaxed a little and asked, "He said that?"

"Um-hmm. He said that years ago. But I don't think that love was ever returned. We had regular conversations about the man, but he never gave me a clue as to who he might be. Knowing Warrick, I was sure he'd never want to be with anyone who'd be ashamed of his acquaintance with me, so wondered why I never met the man to whom he had referred. Now, I know why."

A bit dazed, Grissom inquired, "He's mentioned me to you?" At the abrupt realization of what he had said, Grissom hastily corrected that to, "I mean, in the context of my being his supervisor."

Lady Heather had caught the Freudian misstep, but smoothly went on as if she had not. "Oh, yes, Warrick and I have often talked about you and it was clear he regards you as remarkable."

"You and Warrick talk? In the same way that you and I talk?"

"Naturally. He's had an interesting life, been surrounded by interesting people and has done many interesting things. I love hearing him tell me about it and love how he tells the tales. He's an excellent conversationalist and storyteller, a gift he tells me he got from his grandmother. He has an abundance of other beguiling gifts as well, none of which," she added with a secretive smile perceptibly inspired by lust, "I should imagine he got from that beloved and clueless woman."

"By that inference, I presume you and he do have similar conversations as we do."

"Indeed we do, in and out of bed. Those in bed aren't as inclined to be as intellectual as what you and I have, but they are no less captivating and are always accompanied by a matchless athleticism. Despite my greater length and amount of experience, he's talented enough to have taught me certain nuances of intercourse I'd never thought could possibly be as gratifying as they turned out to be. He told me some he learned from an adolescent front to back study of the Kama Sutra and other pornographic literature while others he invented himself. Then he convinced a few friends, male and female, to try them out with him in order to bring into reality what he had read. When we attempted a few of them together, the results were exceedingly invigorating. One of the more fascinating moves he showed me how to do was…"

"Excuse me," Grissom butted in with an unforeseen, mildly brittle antagonism, "that would be a topic I'd much rather not discuss, if you don't mind."

"Duly noted," she responded, with an amused twinkle in her eye, checking out this source of jealousy she was sure had little to do with her and much more to do with the man she had been partnered with. "But the point I'm attempting to make is it wasn't until I met you and learned you and he were co-workers that I was able to connect the dots and figure out you were his mystery man. I immediately understood his love for you. You are the most…"

Now it was Grissom's turn for a series of interruptions. "His love for me?!! His love for me?!! What are you talking about?!! Warrick doesn't love me!!"

"He does and has for quite a long time. He's too much of a gentlemen to put you in a bind by mentioning his love until he's sure of some reciprocation. But love you, he most infinitely and definitely does."

"Well, he's never said a word or gave the slightest indication of that!!" Grissom snapped. "Not even in our most intimate moments, has he ever done anything like that!!"

Arching a bemused eyebrow, Lady Heather murmured, "He hasn’t?"

Grissom turned a bright red, almost squirming under her straightforward scrutiny. "I'm not denying there's been a bit of… carnal interaction. I'd been told of his talents in particular areas just as you were and admit to a certain… curiosity which led to a few episodes of gratuitous, experimental sex that I found to be very… stimulating. But, that's been a completely physical satisfaction of mutual sexual desires having nothing whatsoever to do with forming any kind of personal relationship."

"Bullshit," she said succinctly, which startled him. Lady Heather had never used such language in his presence. "He's let you think that as the only means he had of making you feel safe with him. Left to his own devices, without fear of causing you to run and hide, thereby losing what little he had with you or being hurt by you, he would've expressed his love ages ago. From the moment he told me that you and he had begun having sex, I knew you were the one he had wanted all these years from the look of hope that came onto his face. Then, after I met you, I knew you were the one for him. Without you ever saying anything about the man in your life, I knew that had to be Warrick. He's the only one I know strong enough to see beneath your emotional detachment, withstand it, overcome it and make it blossom into nonexistence."

She smiled as she added, "Other than myself, that is, and he saw you first. Unfortunately, I've made it a rule never to tread in another's territory, no matter if they're my friend or not, especially if emotions are involved. Such actions cause too much confusion."

"We are not involved," Grissom pointed out stiffly.

"But, you are. If you are sharing a bed with him and making love to him, you are very involved."

"Nevertheless, other than having a particular closeness as friends and fellow criminalists, there is no emotional attachment between us."

"Ah, but there is, Gil Grissom, there most certainly is. He's given himself to you in the heart and now, you've got to give your heart back to him. Or else neither of you will ever be happy."

Her telephone ringing nearly made Grissom jump out of his skin. But he was glad for the sound, for it gave him the opportunity to stand up and say, "Forgive me. I've overstayed my welcome. I just remembered you've got someone coming. Now might be a good time for me to…"

As Lady Heather rose to answer the phone, she said sternly, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at him, "Sit down, Gil. You're not going anywhere." Picking up the princess phone, she listened a moment, then said, "Send him right in."

Thrilled and frozen by the unearthly darkness of her suddenly domineering gaze which had never left his face, Grissom had sunk back into his chair. A few moments later, Warrick came ambling lazily in, strolling like a man very familiar with where he was. Seeing Lady Heather, his green eyes lit up, glinting laughter as he said, "Hey, sweet lady, how ya doin'? Sorry about being a little late, but I had to tie up a few loose ends at…" That was all he said. Bringing himself up short as he spotted Grissom, he simply gawked a moment, completely speechless. Then he said on sort of a disbelieving moan as he sighed, flung his arms out and dropped them, "Awww, shit…."

And something about his bafflement seemed to ease Grissom's because he had come to the final acceptance that the other end of his spectrum of contentment had just walked into the room. "Hello, Warrick," he said with a smile. "Beautiful evening, isn't it?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Warrick demanded, visibly nervous but doing an admirable job of trying to hide it.

Grissom coolly held up his cup. "Why, I'm having tea and crumpets as the conclusion to a very lovely supper. What're you doing here?"

After squinting in confusion from Grissom to Lady Heather then back, Warrick stared up at the ceiling, gave off an astounded puff of exasperated air then declared, "Not gonna do this," before abruptly spinning on his heel and heading for the door.

But Lady Heather's voice, gone from quiet evenness to commandingly cutting, hit the air as sharply as a whiplash as she ordered, "Warrick, come here and have a seat. Now."

That so quickly stopped him in his tracks, Grissom guessed it was not the first time, just as it had not been with him, that she had used a similar tone with Warrick to gain instant compliance. He slowly turned back and came to sit down at the table as he had been told. Standing over the bewildered men, she said, "I want you both to please understand, this is all about pleasure and no pain, about my concern for a couple of my good friends and not business. Whether it's apparent or not, I have a very romantic nature. I hate seeing two people who are so obviously in love seeming like they might miss out on sharing that love. So, with my assistance, the pair of you are going to come to a harmonious agreement about your feelings for each other, even if it takes all night."

"Why are you doing this?" Warrick asked deferentially, still stunned.

"I suppose it's just the social worker coming out in me. I like to see people happy." Smiling as she leaned on the table, sliding effortlessly into her role as the supremely successful and self-assured leather and lace dominatrix she was, she eyed them both and softly purred, "Now, gentlemen. Shall we commence?"