Title: About Brian
Author: podga
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: CSI and its characters do not belong to me. I write and post for fun only.
Summary: Epilogue. Season 5.
A/N: After finishing series 5 with Going for Breakfast, hundreds of you wrote to me clamoring to know what had happened to Brian. OK, actually nobody wrote me, but this was one last story I wanted to tell.

“I can’t make up my mind if you’re the unluckiest fucker that ever walked this earth, or the luckiest one.”

Nick hadn’t heard that lazy drawl in over two years, but he instantly recognized it and smiled, the terrible itching of his skin momentarily forgotten.

“Hey, you. Long time no see.”

Brian walked into the room and leaned against the railing at the foot of the hospital bed.

“Jesus, you look like shit.”

Nick laughed. Same old Brian, he thought fondly.

“Thanks. I could say the same.” He didn’t mean it, though. In fact, except for the fact that his hairline was slightly higher and further back than Nick remembered it, Brian looked pretty damn good. A bit more solid around the waistline, perhaps.

It was only when Gil cleared his throat that Nick remembered that he was also in the room.

“Brian, this is my…  Gil Grissom. Gil, Brian Collier. An old friend.”

Brian reached over to shake Gil’s hand. “Nick and I used to hang out together.”

“I know,” Gil said without smiling. He waited a split second before extending his own hand. Brian didn’t appear to notice and Nick wondered if Gil himself had been conscious of that brief hesitation.

“So what have you been up to?” Nick asked heartily, trying to make up for Gil’s coldness.

Brian shrugged. “Not much. You know I’m living in Carson City now, right?”

Nick shook his head. “No, I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.”

In fact, he felt pretty guilty about how he’d treated Brian. When he’d first started seeing Gil, it had seemed like spending time together with him was all he could think about or wanted to do.

Afterwards the first two or three months with Gil, he’d considered giving Brian a call, but it had never seemed like the right time. He’d run into him at crime scenes every so often, but other than a casual hello or wave they hadn’t spoken to each other and Kate, normally the go-between, had clearly been giving Nick the cold shoulder. Thinking back now, Nick couldn’t even remember at what point Brian had simply vanished.

“I like it better. I never really got used to Vegas. Too many people, too much noise.”

“What are you doing back here? Visiting old friends?”

Brian smiled down at him. “Yeah. You could say that.”

Gil made a small impatient movement, drawing Nick’s attention away from Brian.

“I need to get back to the office and clear some paperwork. Can I bring you anything when I come back?” There was an edge to his voice that Nick hadn’t heard in a long time, and Nick frowned at him.

“No. Thanks,” Nick said slowly, willing Gil to look at him, but Gil just nodded and walked out of the hospital room without making eye contact and without saying goodbye.

Brian watched him leave, then came around and perched at the foot of the hospital bed, his body turned towards Nick.

“This is my… Gil Grissom,” he mimicked, exaggerating the pause, and grinned.

Nick shook his head. “Don’t even go there,” he said. “Seriously, what are you doing here?”

“You have no idea what a splash your story made, do you?”

“You heard about it in Carson City?”

“Nick, if there’s a PD in Outer Mongolia, they heard it there.” He leaned forward, put one hand on Nick’s knee and shook it gently. “I was really worried about you for a few hours.”

For the first time since his rescue, Nick felt that he was going to lose it. This was precisely why he hadn’t wanted anybody but Gil to visit him: he was only just hanging on. From the first moment Nick had regained consciousness, Gil had been the only one to behave as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Nick might as well have been in hospital for a sprained ankle or a bad cold for all the fuss Gil had made. And that’s exactly what Nick needed right now.

“Ah, well. All’s well that ends well,” he said once he was sure he had control over his voice. He cleared his throat. “How’s Kate?”

Brian shrugged. “I went to her wedding last January, but after that we kinda lost touch.”

“Buck?” Nick asked smiling and Brian nodded.

“Buck,” he confirmed.

They sat silently for a while. Nick was becoming aware of the itching again, and he squirmed slightly against the sheets, fighting not to scratch. He couldn’t say he’d ever given much thought to how he’d feel if he ever saw Brian again, but inasmuch as he did, he’d always assumed it would be awkward. It wasn’t though, or, if it was, it wasn’t because of their history, but because Nick was feeling increasingly guilty at having broken off all contact with Brian in such a casual and thoughtless way. Worse, he hadn’t even done it deliberately; it was more like he’d simply forgotten him.

“Bri. Thanks for coming. Especially after…” Nick waved his hand uncertainly.

“After you were such a horse’s ass?” Brian volunteered in a helpful tone. “After you used me for my body and then simply dumped me in my hour of greatest need?”

“I didn’t,” Nick protested, reddening under Brian’s watchful eyes.

“Interesting. You still blush like a shy virgin.”

“Aw, fuck off,” Nick said without heat, more because he knew Brian was expecting him to do so, and Brian burst out laughing.

“Still the same old Nick.” He got up and puts his hands on his hips. “Listen, forget about it. Water under the bridge. I’m going to go find a cup of coffee or something. Can I get you anything?”

Nick opened his mouth to answer, and then forgot it hanging open when he noticed for the first time the gold band circling the ring finger on Brian’s left hand.

“You’re married?” he asked finally, pointing at Brian’s hand.

“Why so surprised?”

“Well… but… you’re…”

“Coffee, as well? Maybe a Dr Pepper, if you still drink that shit?”

“Uh, Dr Pepper sounds good, thanks,” Nick responded automatically and a second later he was alone in the room.

Once the first shock wore off, all he could think about was that he was disappointed in Brian, and, at the same time, saddened. Nick knew he wasn’t exactly the poster boy for a liberated gay lifestyle, but still he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life denying that part of himself. OK, so maybe he had pretended for years, but he’d always intended to change things, and he’d never dragged another person into the lie with him. Why had Brian, Brian of all people, done it? The only reason that Nick could think of that maybe any kind of sense for Brian even attempting a stunt like that was that, in the end, Brian hadn’t been able to give up on his family, on his two little brothers. Nick wondered what he’d have done if his family had ever given him an ultimatum; as it was, his being gay and his relationship with Gil were the two unacknowledged elephants in the room every time he went down to Texas. Not exactly unconditional acceptance, at least not from most of his family, but no rejection either. Perhaps if Nick had been a better friend (or any kind of a friend, really) during the time after Brian’s father’s death, Brian would have managed to work through it, find other solutions.

“So, how is it?” he asked cautiously, once Brian returned with the drinks.

Brian tasted his coffee and grimaced. “How’s what?” he asked absentmindedly while prying the lid off the cup so that he could add more sugar.

“Marriage.”

Brian looked up and a sudden happy smile lit up his face.

“It’s nice,” he said. “It’s really nice.”

“So you’re happy?”

“I’m happy. God, this coffee is fucking awful. What are they trying to do, make us all patients here?” Brian glared at the coffee cup, then set it upright in the trash can. He came back to sit on Nick’s bed, leaning back against the railing.

“What about you? Are you happy? With your… Gil Grissom?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s all good.”

“Living together?”

“Nah. Not really.”

“Why not?”

Nick shrugged. “I don’t know. He wants to. But… I don’t know.”

Brian cocked his head and studied Nick through narrowed eyes. “Well. Maybe you’ll figure it out now,” he said after a while.

“Yeah.” Nick knew what Brian meant. Now that he’d been reminded how it could all be taken away from him, and from Gil, at a moment’s notice. Now that he had fresh proof that nobody had an endless string of tomorrows to which they could postpone all the tough decisions.

“It’s nice coming home to someone every night. And having children… it might not be for everyone, but it sure is for me.”

“You have children?” Nick almost squeaked, and Brian raised his eyebrows briefly.

“Two. I mean they’re Casey’s, but now they’re mine, too.” He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, flipped it open and handed it to Nick. “That’s Cathy. She’s five. And Nate here is three. I have to watch my language around them.”

Nick laughed. “That must be hard for you,” he said, but he was still feeling like he’d entered some alternative reality. It wasn’t only the gay thing, as if that weren’t enough; it was Brian’s whole character. A happily married family man? Nick was having a lot of trouble wrapping his brain around that one. He handed the wallet back to Brian, who smiled down at the photos with obvious affection before closing it and putting it back into his pocket.

“Maybe you and your Gil Grissom can come and visit us if you’re out our way,” Brian said. “I know Casey’d like to meet you.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Brian’s wife would like nothing of the sort if she knew the sort of relationship Brian and Nick had had in the past.

“You broke my heart, you know,” Brian said abruptly.

“Wh— what?”

“I didn’t realize it at the time. You’d think I would have, but I didn’t. There was too much else going on, too many distractions: my dad’s death, seeing my mom and brothers for the first time in years, just how things were in Vegas with my job and my life. The way you cut me off…” Brian paused and shook his head, then continued in lighter voice. “Afterwards, I got to thinking maybe you did it because you thought I was just playing around with you and couldn’t really give a shit about you. How I acted, everything I said... I mean, how could you have thought otherwise, right? Not that it matters any more, but I just wanted you to know, that wasn’t the case.”

Nick nodded. It mattered. The admission came too late to change anything, it probably wouldn’t have changed anything even at the time, but it mattered.

“And I guess it all turned out well for both of us: you got your Gil Grissom and I realized I didn’t want my life to be a series of one-night stands.” He grinned. “I mean, the pickings get mighty slim once you’re in your late thirties.”

“And so you got married,” Nick said, still not entirely sure that this wasn’t some kind of elaborate hoax, although for the life of him he couldn’t see the point to it if it was.

“Well, it wasn’t as straightforward as you seem to think it was, but yeah.”

It suddenly dawned on Nick that he hadn’t congratulated Brian. “I’m glad you’re happy, Bri. I gotta tell you, I’m surprised, but if you’re happy, that’s great. Congratulations. Really.”

“Thanks, Nick.”

Brian flicked a look at his watch and then got up. “I have to be going pretty soon. I couldn’t switch shifts with anybody, but when I heard… I wanted to come see you, make sure you’re OK.”

“I’m OK,” Nick confirmed.

“Kind of ugly-looking at the moment, but I’m sure that won’t put off your Gil Grissom.”

“Stop saying that,” Nick groused, but inside he was feeling a warm glow. His Gil Grissom. He liked the sound of that.

Brian bent down to give Nick a brief hug and kissed him on the top of his head. “You take care now. And don’t go getting into any more scrapes, because your luck is bound to run out at some point or other.”

“You’re telling me!”

Brian stopped at the door and looked back at Nick, his gray eyes dancing. “By the way, if you get me a wedding present, and I’m not saying you have to or anything, but if you do, Casey and I would really appreciate it if you avoided the His-and-Hers matching towel set.”

“Got too many of those already, huh?”

“I knew it,” Brian muttered somewhat obscurely and then laughed. “Not a one, Nick. Plenty of sets of His-and-His, though.”

It was a shock at first, but then Nick felt an almost overwhelming sense of relief. “I never thought…” he started to protest weakly, but Brian interrupted him.

“We both know you did,” Brian said, grinning broadly, and he blew Nick a kiss before walking out.

 

When Gil returned, he was still in a bad mood, which grew worse the moment he saw Nick smiling up at the ceiling.

“So, how was the trip down memory lane?”

“Hmmm? I’m fine, thanks,” Nick said dreamily, obviously not having heard a word.

Gil didn’t like to think of himself as a jealous man, but he was having a hard time coming up with any other excuse for his irritation. He’d only ever seen Brian a long time ago, in those tapes, and it had been easy to dismiss him. Meeting him in person, he realized he’d underestimated the vitality and charm of the man; Brian wasn’t exactly good looking, but Gil could definitely understand what Nick had seen in him. And what the hell was he doing, showing up again after all this time, like he had a right to? It was up to Gil to take care of Nick. Nobody else.

“You’re being released tomorrow,” he told Nick. “I’ll come over and drive you home.”

Nick turned his head on the pillow and looked at him. “That sounds nice.”

Now that he had Nick’s attention, Gil’s irritation subsided a little. “I… I was thinking… I can stay over for a few nights if you’d like me to.”

Nick reached out and took Gil’s hand in his, twining their fingers together. “That sounds nice,” he repeated, smiling at Gil. “I’d like that very much.”

“Nicky. You know I’m here for you, right? I’ll always be here for you, for as long as you want me to.”

“Somebody to come home to every night,” Nick said quietly.

“Yes,” Gil said just as quietly, tightening his fingers around Nick’s.

“I’d love that, Gil. I really would.”

 

When Gil and he moved in together, Nick called Brian and let him know. Five days later, he received a large package from Brian. He was already smiling before he opened it, because he knew what he was going to find. Sure enough, it was a set of His-and-His towels.

Predictably, Gil was not amused, but at Nick’s insistence, he finally did send Brian and Casey a very polite e-mail to thank them.