Title: T'was the Night Before Christmas
By: Bev *too*
Pairing: Horatio/Speed
Rating; NC-17
Summary: Two days until Christmas, and Speed was alone. Wasn't he?

Sometimes his scar hurt.

When the weather changed. Or when he made a wrong move. And whenever his scar hurt, his heart hurt, too. Because everytime his scar hurt, he had to think of the day he had received it.

The day he had been shot.

The day he had almost died.

The day he had discovered that being in love with your boss was bad. It was something that was dangerous. Very dangerous. Because he had let it interfere with his work. He had caught the bullet that day because he had been looking for Horatio, making sure that he was safe. He, Horatio, was the most important man in that second. When the bullet hit him, Speed only thought, good that it's me...not H.

And then he woke up in hospital, with his shoulder in bandages, and his boss and lover sitting next to his bed with red-rimmed eyes, holding his hand.

That was the moment he knew that he had to leave. Had to leave not only Horatio, but also the whole world of the CSI. If he only changed the town, H would find him. And he couldn't let that happen. The next time it could be H lying in the hospital. Not him.

So after he had left the hospital, he had packed a few things and had dissapeared in the middle of the night. He didn't even left his lover a note.

He began a new life in Seattle, where he had warm summers and cold winters.

And very many lonely weekends. There had been days when he had forced himself to leave the house and go for a run. Otherwise, he would have called Horatio...just to hear his voice once more...

Finally he had gotten himself a cat. A small, lovely red tabby cat called Serona, whose fur reminded him of Horatio's hair. Now someone was there when he came home.

Just like tonight.

Speed came home after a terribly long shift. He had started to work with the Seattle PD and tonight had been a terrible night. A night in which he had an almost overwhelming yearning in his heart to crawl into bed with his lover, close his eyes, hear his beartbeat and fall asleep with Horatio's hand in his hair, stroking him softly, reassuring him that everything would be okay.

But Horatio wasn't there.

Not tonight. Not ever.

He opened the door to his appartement, stepped in, locked the door behind him and picked up Sirona who came to greet him. It was two days till Christmas and he was all alone. He tried not to think about it, when Sirona suddenly spit and tried his best to jump off his arms. He dropped her almost instantly when he felt her claws in his skin. Irritated, he watched her run away and turned to his bedroom to follow her, when suddenly a cloth was pressed over his mouth and nose. He struggled to break free but then he took a breath and felt his limbs go numb.

'Cloroform...how old-fashioned...' were his last thougts then his world went black.
**************************************
His head hurt like hell as his mind tried to claw his way up to consciousness. He remained motionless. Yeah, he sure was a hell of an investigator. The bad guys could freely walk into his house, kidnap him and he didn't even noticed the break in. But where was he? And who had grabbed him?

In his mind he went through all the cases he had worked on in the last few months since he had arrived in Seattle. He was here for less than a year...wasn't it fascinating that he managed to make such powerful enemies in such a short amount of time? He never managed that in Miami.

On the other hand...in Miami there had always been Horatio. Keeping most of the trouble away from him. Protecting him. His heart hurt at the thought of Horatio. If he had stayed in Miami, all of this wouldn't have happened. Maybe he should have talked to Horatio. Should have told him about his worries.

Maybe?

No, sure as hell he should have talked to him. He could be lying in his arms now instead of...being here. Wherever and whatever 'here' might be.

Slowly, his head cleared up and suddenly he noticed that neither his hands nor his feet were bound. He sat up a bit too fast and swayed for a second.

And startled when he felt a strong hand on his back that steadied him. And then an almost painfully familiar voice said softly, "Not so fast, Speed. Not so fast."

Speed whirled around and stared in the blue eyes of Horatio Caine.
***********************************
H smiled, then he laughed when he saw Speed gaze openmouthed at him.

"I...you...what happened?"

Now H's smile faded a bit. He carefully reached out and touched Speed's face. "I missed you, Speed...I missed you so much."

The warmth of Speed's face against his palm was almost enough to bring tears to the older man's eyes. So long had he missed this, so many times had he woken up at night, reaching out for someone who was gone. And he hadn't known where to or why.

It was the why that had almost broken him. The first few weeks after Speed's dissapearance had been the worst time in his entire life. It wasn't until then that Horatio had discovered how much the younger agent meant to him.

And how much he'd missed him, now that he had walked away.

After two weeks of very very bad behaviour against everyone in the lab, Alexx had called him down to her morgue, locked the door and talked to him for almost three hours. Well, to be exact...for at least two hours she called him every name she could think of until his ears were red. Then she had given him advice. Good advice.

When Horatio had left the morgue again, his step had been a little lighter, his eyes a bit brighter and on his face had been the ghost of a smile.

>From that day on he had tried everything to find his missing lover.

Three weeks later, after pulling a lot of strings, calling in a lot of favors and pushing several buttons of high ranking people he was finally able to find a first trace. And somewhere in between his phone calls with different motels, hotels and airlines, he suddenly had found himself smiling. Speed really was a clever guy. Not only had he changed transportations from plane to car, every now and then he had even changed his name while checking in at a hotel.

Checking in as Timothy Caine. The first time he had read that, warmth had spread through his whole body, leaving him flushed and strangely happy.

It took him four more weeks in which he followed Speed's trail across the country. He'd been to all the hotels where the younger man had been, had showed pictures and finally he'd found him at the Seattle PD.

But if he thought that his problems would be over now, he had to discover that he was wrong.

Terribly wrong.

When he'd walked into the PD, asking for Timothy Speedle, the young woman smiled very friendly. She'd asked for his name, and when he told her, her smile suddenly vanished. Her face had grown hard, and within seconds he'd found himself on the street again.

He'd tried his neighbors next, but also to no avail.

A phone call with Eric had him given the final clue. "If he doesn't want to talk to you...make him at least LISTEN to you."

And over the next few days a plan had formed in his mind.

Listen? He could make more...WANTED to make more.

The next day he bought the chloroform.
************************************
Speed's head hurt like hell. Chloroform was old-fashioned, yes...but it also caused a horrible headache. And the fact that the man he had longed for all those months was so close to him, that he only had to reach out to touch him, was almost more than he could bear.

"What do you want?" His voice was harsh, even to his own ears.

Again this smile and Speed felt a shiver run down his spine. And when he heard that distinctive voice again, he had to supress a moan. The words ran over his skin like silk.

"An answer. An explanation. You." The last word was barely a breath against Speed's skin. "But most of all I want to know why you left me."

Speed got up. He had to put some space between that man and himself. Otherwise he was unable to think. He turned to he window and looked outside. Snow. The whole world outside was covered with a thick blanket of snow. And it kept on snowing. It looked heartbreakingly romantic.

"You want to know why?"

"Yes."

"Will you let me go back when I tell you why?"

Silence.

"Will you?" Speed's voice sounded strained now...a little urgent. He HAD to know that he could back to his normal life once this was over. Whatever this was...

"I can't promise you that, Speed." His former lover's voice was quiet. "It depends on the answers you give me."

"And what if you don't like the answers?" he murmured and pressed his forehead against the cold glass of the window.

"I just want to understand. Give me anything to work with here, Speed."

Speed took a deep breath. Then another one, before he was able to answer.

"Do you remember the day I got shot?"
**************************************
Horatio was surprised. This was the least he had expected.

"Sure. How could I forget that day? But why are you asking?"

He saw the younger man's shoulder slump slightly.

"You never asked me...I never told you what I was thinking, did I?"

"No."

"I...ah...my first thought was 'Good that it's me and not you.' I couldn't stand losing you. And with our jobs and ours lives always on the line...I saw your face the next morning when you were sitting by my bed. You looked devastated. And I knew that I couldn't do that to you any longer. I had to leave. You suffered because of my stupidity. I had to go."

"So you left me. And left behind everything we ever had. Just like that."

"It wasn't easy. And I had to."

"You had to?"

"To protect you. The next time you could be so distracted that you'd catch the next bullet. And I..."

Speed's voice broke. Horatio tried to understand, and suddenly everything clicked into place. No Speed, no distraction...the younger man's logic was very simple. But Horatio also knew that there was a big gaping hole in this logic...NOT having Speed at his side was much more distraction than to look out for Speed every now and then. And as for his jammed gun...it would have been a pleasure to help him clean his gun on a regular basis.

He stepped closer to Speed and carefully so as if not to frigthen him, he reached out, put his hands on the dark haired man's shoulders and turned him around. He put his finger under his chin and lifted his head slightly.

"Not knowing where you are, Speed, is a distraction. Not knowing what you do, how you feel, if you're all right, THAT'S a distraction. These last few months have been hell to me, Speed. I want you back at my side no matter what it takes. I need you and I love you. And I'm not willing to give you up, just because you think you're doing me a favor."

"I..."

"No," Horatio interrupted him before he could say anything. "YOU made all these decision without asking ME if I wanted to be distraction-free. What if I can't work without these distractions? What if..."

The ringing of his cellphone interrupted H and with a colorful curse he picked it up.

"Horatio?"

"..."

"Yes, Eric. I found him. He's here with me."

"..."

"I'll tell him."

"..."

Now Horatio laughed, and handed his cell over to Speed. With a questioning gaze he took it.

"Speedle?"

"Speed. It's really you. Don't you DARE ever do that again, you hear me? H has been a bastard the whole time and we all had to suffer. So you better let him carry your sorry ass back to Miami, so we all can go back to normal."

Suddenly Speed smiled. It was one of his rare, but blinding smiles. "Yeah, I missed you, too, Delko."

Eric laughed. "So, you're coming back?"

"Guess so," Speed replied and his gaze locked with Horatio's. "No, wait...make that a 'Sure as hell.'"

"Great. See you in a few days. And remember the New Year's party at Alexx's place."

Alexx. For a moment he closed his eyes. How much had he missed her. He felt miserable for the sorrow he must have caused her.

"I'll remember," he mumbled, before he cut the connection and handed the cell back to Horatio. He took it back without saying a word and put it back in his pocket.

For a few moments they both simply stared at one another, neither knew what to say. Horatio knew that it was now or never, so he slowly stepped closer, took the younger man's face in both his hands and moved so close to his face that his lips were only a few millimetres apart.

"Just say no, if you don't want to," he whispered against his lover's lips. The only answer he got was a soft moan, and with a sigh he closed the distance between them and kissed him. Soft at first, little loving pecks to the closed mouth, to the nose, over the stubbled jaw and back to the lips. Soon that wasn't enough anymore. Gently he licked over the closed mouth, begging for entrance and finally, when the other man opened his mouth with a soft whimper, he dove in, tasting him, making love to his mouth like this was the first kiss they ever shared.

And in a way it was.

They had been apart for so long that H had almost forgotten how sweet the other man tasted. How addictive he was. How sexy that little noise was that Speed was making in the back of his throat.

Before he could react, he found himself pressed up against the next wall with an all consuming, hungry Speed in his arms. And willingly he let his lover take control and closed his eyes...
***********************************
Speed took his time relearning the body of his lover. All those little spots that made the redhead gasp or moan. Or sometimes even growl. The growling spots soon were Tim's favorites. One lick here, a little bite there and soon he had his lover mumbling something incoherent, and sometimes between two moans he could make out his name. Panted, or gasped, or moaned. Shouted, when his lover finally came deep down his throat with three of Speed's fingers buried deep inside his body.

With trembling hands, Tim pulled his fingers out, lubed himself up and pushed inside his lover with one hard thrust. Horatio almost fell off the bed, but Speed held him tight, kissed him, whispered words of love to him until he could feel him relax and Speed slid in even deeper. The feeling was indescribable. For a few heartbeats, Speed simply rested his head on his lover's shoulder, tasting him, smelling him, feeling his incredible heat all around him. But then he had to move. He felt Horatio's little movements against his body, could feel him relax even more though that was hardly possible. He pulled out a bit, only a little bit. He had missed this feeling so much that he didn't want to lose it. Not now...not ever.

Back in, forcing a groan out of his lover, they began to move in an age-old rhythm, giving and taking, until the younger man couldn't take it anymore. The scent of his lover surrounded him, and Speed could feel Horatio's hands on his hips, urging him forward to drive deeper and deeper into his body.

He came with a sound close to a sob and collapsed on the older man, only to be caught by him. He fell into his strong arms, was held, loved, protected. A few single tears were running down his face as he slowly came back to earth and heared the soft murmuring of Horatio.

For a long time they were silent, caressing each other with almost lazy movements, simply content to be finally together again.

"I'm sorry," Speed murmured after a while. The tender stroking stopped for a second, before H continued his caress.

"Good," was his only reply. The younger man smiled. That was his H. No 'You have nothing to be sorry for.' or 'I would have done the same.' Just a simple 'Good.' He knew that he'd made a mistake. A big mistake. Big as in monumental. But he also knew that he would never ever make that mistake again. Running away...

"Running away just solves nothing, Speed."

It was as if the other man could read his thoughts. He remained silent. He didn't know what to say. He had hurt this man deeply. The man he loved most of all. What should he say? What COULD he say? And then he smiled. There was one thing he could say. It was the most important thing of all. He raised his head and rested it on H's chest, gazing into his deep blue eyes, and he whispered, "I love you, Horatio."

The older man smiled. It was a very tender, very special smile and he answered, "I love you, too, my Speed."

And those were the last words spoken for a very long time. It wasn't necessary to say more. Later they would get up, lock the door and secure the windows, put a fire up in the fireplace and cuddle together in front of it, accompanied by Sirona. Speed had smiled broadly when Horatio had opened the door to an adjoining room and he had found his little feline companion.

Much later they would go to bed together, content and secure in the knowledge that they were together again. Nothing would separate them now. And when Horatio cast one last glance at the alarm on the bedside table, he smiled, pulled the sleeping Speed a little bit closer and murmured, "Merry Christmas, love."

And in his sleep the younger man smiled.

The end