Title: Comfort
Author: Beverly aka Bev *too*
Beta: Jessica aka sexyhugh88. Thanks, honey
Prompt: #011 "Friends"
Fandom/Character: CSI: Vegas, Gil Grissom
Rating: R
Spoilers: Slightly for 6x24 "Way To Go"
Summary: Gil has made a mistake...and now he tries to fix it.

"S'that your last word?"

With a deep sigh, Gil dropped his head a bit. His last? Yes, goddammit. This time. Just like the last time. And the time before that. Basically, like everytime he had told her before.

"Sara. You know how much I value your work for this lab but..."

She interrupted him, getting up so quickly that the chair almost topped over backwards. "What do you mean 'but'?"

"I mean, we shouldn't mix our personal life with the job, Sara."

Slowly, she walked closer, put both her hands on the desk on front of him, and said very quiet and composed, "It seems this point wasn't so important a few days ago...when you came home with me."

Gil winced. Ouch. He'd known it was a mistake the moment she'd been standing in front of the bed, with a tray loaded with breakfast in her hands. And a red rose in the middle of said tray. But after worrying about Jim the whole day, he‘d just been so relieved that the other man would be alright, he hadn't been able to think clearly. And when Sara had invited him over for a drink, he‘d agreed. One thing had led to another and now he sat there with a terribly bad conscience...

Sara expected more from him. And how could she not? All those years they‘d been working together, he‘d managed successfully to keep her at arm's length. Had told her more than once that he simply wasn't interested.

He‘d been so sure that everything was clear between them. But one single moment of weakness had been enough to let the wall he‘d errected between them crumble and fall. With a sigh, he gazed up into her dark eyes.

She was a damn good CSI even though her emotions sometimes got the better of her. Quite the opposite to him. Countless times she had told him that it was exactly this difference that would make them be the perfect couple. An opinion he didn't share.

It wasn't as if he wouldn't LIKE her. No. He did. It was just that he didn't LOVE her.

Slowly, Sara straightened up again. A strange expression lingered in her eyes. "Is there someone else? Was I just a kind of a fill-in for you?"

Unknowingly, she gave him an excellent way out. But there wasn't someone else, and even if he wasn't in love with Sara, he didn't want to lie to her. She didn't deserve that.

He shook his head. "No. No, there is no one else. It's just..."

He fell silent. How could he explain something to her that he himself didn't quite understand. It was simply the feeling that something was missing. Something important. Whatever they were or would be for each other...it would never be enough. There would ALWAYS be something missing. Something he couldn't grasp. Couldn't explain. Couldn't say if he would ever find it...whatever 'it' might be.

Again he shook his head, and gazed up at Sara with an almost guilty expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Sara. It...it shouldn't have happened. I apologize."

Her expression turned to a mixture of rage and unbelief. "You APOLOGIZE?" She spat the words out. Her voice got shrill and reached a level that hurt him almost physically. "You APOLOGIZE? Do you know what you can DO with your APOLOGY?"

Gil had a pretty good guess, but he decided to remain silent. Apparently, Sara didn't expect an answer. She started to pace his office. He followed her with his eyes.

"You...you can't just sleep with me and later you apologize for it. I mean...didn't it MEAN anything to you? The shared breakfast? We went to work together the next day. You even brought me lunch."

She turned back to him. Tears were glistening in her eyes. "A veggieburger. Because you know that I'm a vegetarien."

No, not HE had remembered that but the nice lady behind the counter, down in the canteen had. She'd seen them coming in together, and with a smile and the comment that 'Miss Sidle isn't eating any meat', she had handed him the veggieburger. But he kept this part to himself. It would only serve to infuriate her even more.

"And that's all you can come up with? I'm sorry?"

Her voice was normal again. Gil sighed. Damn. This was the exact reason he had kept her at long distance this whole time. Slowly, he moved forward, pushed his glasses a little up, back where they belonged, and folded his hands on his desk in front of him.

"Sara, I know this is hard to understand. And I want to repeat that I'm honestly sorry for everything that happened. I hope this won't interfere with us working together."

Even to his own ears this sounded stiff and heartless. Damn. But he owed her a certain degree of sincerity. He didn't love her. Would never love her. And as much as she wished for it to be different, he couldn't and didn't WANT to jump over his own shadow. Just to pretend something that wasn't there. Something he himself couldn't believe in.

"Us working together?" Her voice had dropped to a hoarse whisper. Dangerously low. He nodded. And prepared himself inwardly for the ultimate outbreak.

But she managed to surprise him. She straightened up once more, her face shut down, and she even forced a smile on her features. "Sure. No problem. I can handle that."

But then she bowed down one more time, came closer and closer until her face was only mere inches away from his. "But this isn't over yet, Grissom. You're sorry? That's not enough. I'm a fighter, Gil. And up until now I still got everything I fought for," she hissed. The "...and this time I want you." hung unsaid between them.

She stepped back, stroked in a strangely helpless gesture some non existing crinkles out of her shirt and turned to the door.

"Okay, Gris. If that's the way you want to have it ..."

It sounded almost like a threat. She opened the door, and almost collided with Catherine who was standing there, a hand raised to knock on the door.

"Sara, hi. I've been looking for you. It's about..."

"Not now, Catherine," she hissed, pushing her away, running around the next corner.

Slightly irritated, Catherine's gaze followed her for a moment, before she turned back to Gil. Her eyes narrowed. "Gil?" Her voice sounded a little threatening.

"Not now, Catherine," he said tiredly, unknowingly repeating Sara's words. He closed his eyes and put a hand on his forehead.

Slowly, the blonde woman entered his office and closed the door gently behind her. "Somehow I get the feeling I missed something," she said in a casual tone. But she couldn't deceive Grissom. He opened one eye, and looked at her. She reciprocated his look unblinking.

"I...made a mistake," he finally admitted silently. She nodded.

"You slept with her." A statement, not a question. He nodded. "Let me guess ... you told her it was a mistake. And that you want to stay friends."

Nod. "Not in these words but...something like that."

"You idiot!"

Surprised he opened both eyes now. This wasn't something he was used to hear from his old friend. "Pardon?"

Now she laughed out loud. "You're such a goddamn idiot, Gil Grissom. You were looking for some comfort, and she hears the wedding bells, right?"

Another deep sigh, another nod. He seemed to be nodding a lot today, he thought incoherently. Another sigh, this time from Catherine made him look up. His colleague's blue eyes were almost compassionate. Almost. "I warned you, Gil. Sara's on the hunt. I warned you more than once. And now you're sitting here, not knowing what to do. And as well as I know you, you even told here that there isn't anybody else. Am I right?"

Nod.

"Good Lord, Gil. Can't you even tell a white lie if it's better for you?"

He shook his head.

She smiled. "I know. That's one of the reasons I like you so much."

She walked around his desk, sat down on one corner, and gazed at him for a few long moments. "You know you have to try to fix it with Sara, right?" she asked finally.

He wanted to nod, but then he only shrugged helplessly. "I don't know how," he admitted sheepishly.

"Talk to her. I'm sure she'll understand in time. She's not dumb. Just helplessly in love."

He winced again. "I'll try. But I can't promise anything."

Catherine moved forward, and gave him a peck on the cheek. "It's a start. Just promise me something: if you're ever looking for comfort again...go to Lady Heather."

He could feel himself blush, but she simply laughed.

"Won't happen so soon," he murmured, and looked after Catherine as she left his office, still laughing. The friendship with her was so easy. Why couldn't it be that way with Sara?

He ignored the little voice inside his head that whispered he'd never slept with Catherine.

The End