Title: Culinary Capers
Author: amazonqueenkate
Category: Humor, fluff
Spoilers: None
Rating: G
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Summary: Nick Stokes is not a cook. At all.
Notes: Based off my cooking "issues" today. Which, uhm, WAS the mushroom bread fiasco. I must remember to read directions fully before cooking. >.>


Nick is not a cook in any way, shape, or form. Especially in their relationship. But dispite this fact, occasionally, Greg will come home to find that Nick has attempted some culinary delight for him…and failed miserably.

Like the time with the mushroom bread fiasco. Greg had only stuck the Pampered Chef recipe to the fridge because it had a coupon on the back, but when he got home the next day, he found Nick had decided to make the bread. He must have lost patience with the directions before reaching the end of the ingredients list, however, because in preparing said bread he used the wrong kind of cheese, way too many mushrooms, the wrong kind of pan, and cooked it too long at the wrong heat. The result was a burnt-on-the-bottom, gooey-in-the-middle pseudo-pizza with cheddar cheese as the topping and entirely too much garlic powder. Once Greg picked off the mushrooms (which, while he’d never told Nick outright that he thought mushrooms were the devil’s tool, he had expected Nick knew about from their arguments about pizza toppings) and cut off the burnt bits, it wasn’t too bad, but he threw out the rest when Nick wasn’t looking and offered for them to go out to dinner.

And then, there was the poached egg incident, which would have been okay had Nick just been patient and waited for Greg to get out of the shower, but instead ended up with boiling water and undercooked egg on the linoleum because, evidently, poaching an egg involves a two-quart pot of boiling water and no less than four eggs. Even to this day, Greg couldn’t figure out where Nick got that bright idea.

Lemonade without sugar, bread without yeast, pancakes without baking soda, biscuits with the measurements for sugar and flour reversed and sausage gravy made with bratwurst meat because Nick didn’t take the time to read the package… Greg had endured it all with a smile, mostly because smiling represses the gag reflex.

Unfortunately, a smile only encouraged Nick.

Greg knows that, eventually, he’s going to have to tell his poor, deluded better half that he really is a horrible cook. In the meantime, he can deal with an upset stomach for the 340-odd days a year Nick doesn’t cook, because he figures heartburn is really a small price to pay for the love that goes in to making each disgusting dish.