Title: Dark Thoughts
By: kim22
Pairing: Horatio/Ryan
Rating: R
Summary: Ryan is having some dark thoughts. Can Horatio help him?

"Hello," Horatio answered the phone groggily. Who would call him at three thirty in the morning? A shaky voice greeted him.

"Horatio? Please tell me I'm not a failure. I need you to tell me that."

"Ryan? Ryan, what's going on? Are you alright?" Horatio sat on the edge of his bed, now fully awake.

" Don't ask questions Horatio. Please tell me you care about me. I haven't let you down. Please." Ryan was pleading with him now.

"Ryan, what's wrong? Just talk to me."

"Horatio don't fucking ask questions! I fucking need you now more than I ever have! Please just tell me my life matters!" Ryan was sobbing into the phone.

Horatio straightened up and was filled with dread. Ryan was sounding suicidal.

"Ryan, listen to me. Calm down and breathe-"

"No you fucking listen to me! Goddammit Horatio! I never do anything right! ANYTHING!

"Ryan, listen to yourself! You need to calm down."

"I need to sleep," he answered weakly before he hung up.

*

It was no secret he was in love with Ryan. Everyone knew it even if he hadn't said it. But he had to control himself. Ryan was a colleague.

Right now he had no control as he pulled on his jeans and jacket, slid on his shoes and grabbed his keys. He would tell Ryan tonight. He needed him.

He got to his apartment in record time. He had to have broken so many laws getting there.

Running up the stairs, he stopped in front of the door. He was glad Ryan had given him a key. Without knocking he took out his key and opened the door.

Ryan was sitting on the couch looking at a sharp knife, tears pouring down his face. He had considered it over and over but couldn't actually bring the knife to his wrists. He couldn't take his own life.

"Ryan!"

He looked up and smiled at Horatio, still wiping at his eyes. "You came."

Horatio sat beside him and wrapped his arms around him. Ryan snuggled into his chest and sighed, "You actually cared."

Tears streamed down Horatio's face. "Of course. I love you, Ryan."

Ryan took comfort in the thought that even if the whole world was against him, he'd have Horatio. "I love you too."




END