Title: Don't Touch Me
Author: Jaxson K.
Pairing: Nick/Gil
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
A/N: borderline pre-slash

Nick read over the letter once more to make sure he had everything just like he wanted it. Satisfied, he folded it into an envelope and wrote Gil's name on the front. He had no idea if this was going to help the situation or not, but he felt that he had to try. He only knew that he had to get through to Gil somehow because he could not take much more of this back-and-forth and the indecision on Gil's part.


 

Nick wanted to be with Gil more than anything he had ever wanted in his life. He finally got up the courage to say something to Gil about how he felt, and was very surprised indeed to find that Gil returned some feelings as well. They had agreed to take it slow because neither man wanted to plunge head-long into something that would later not work out. Nick's problem lay in the fact that he was beginning to think that Gil's feelings didn't go nearly as deep as Nick's did. Nick tried more than once to get Gil to tell him his true feelings, but Gil was a master at hiding what he felt.


 

Hence the letter. Nick was going to drop the letter off at Gil's on his way to work, and hope for the best. When Nick pulled up in front of Gil's condo, he noticed that there were no lights on inside. No matter. Nick got out and taped the letter to Gil's front door and headed to work. Nick knew Gil was off tonight and hope that Gil would find and read the letter and maybe call him. He headed to work and just before he got out of his truck, he whispered a small prayer hoping he had done the right thing.


 

Gil pulled into the driveway of his condo and wearily got out of the car. As he made his way to the front porch, he saw the letter that Nick had taped to the door. Curious, he took the letter down and went inside. After Gil got settled in for the night, he opened the envelope to read the letter. He knew ahead of time that Nick had written it because he recognized Nick's handwriting on the envelope.....


 

Dear Gil,

I know it seems strange to be reading a letter from me when we see each other nearly every day. The reason I'm writing this is partly because I need to say some things that I can't say at work, and partly because I'm a chickenshit when it comes to certain things. If you stick with this to the end, hopefully I will have been able to get my point across. So here goes.....

I know that we agreed to go slow, and I still don't have a problem with that. I consider myself very lucky to have any chance at all with you. My feelings have deepened of late, but I don't know that yours have. You really are a hard man to read sometimes. I'm not trying to put you down, but we both know it's true.

The thing is, Gil, I don't know how you feel, and no matter how I've tried, I can't seem to find out. The problem with that is this here: How can I let this go any further if what we do or don't have now is hurting me? Let me explain. Your hands feel like fire when you touch me. There's this look you get in your eyes that tears me into little pieces. Your kisses are like water in the desert. All this keeps me wanting more, and I don't know if you want to give it. It's like you've given me a peek at what life could be like for us, and then you close the door like I can't come in.

I don't know what to do or say, and I'm leaving what happens next up to you. I'll be more than willing to talk with you about this as soon as we can. But, Gil, please don't touch me if you don't love me..... Nick


 

 

Gil read the letter once more. He knew that he had been sending Nick mixed signals, and he also knew that he should not do that. It wasn't fair to Nick, and in all honesty, it wasn't fair to him, either. He just wasn't sure of anything at the moment. He thought of all the conversations that he and Nick had since they had started going out. He realized that he knew a lot more about how Nick felt and thought than Nick knew about him. He had gone over all the arguments with Nick about the age difference, the differences in their personalities, and so on and so forth. Gil realized that Nick had put some serious thought into these matters because Nick had offered some very clear and concise points that Gil hadn't even considered.


 

Gil knew one thing for sure. He was going to have to get off his socially retarded ass and do something before he lost the best damn thing that had ever happened to him. He knew that he wanted forever with Nicholas Stokes, and he also knew that if he offered it to Nick and then took it away, it would destroy them both. Gil gave the whole things more thought and decided that he wanted to give Nick everything he was asking for. He found his cell phone and dialed the now-familiar number.

“Stokes.....”

“Nick, it's me. I got your letter and wanted to know if we could talk.....”

“Sure....that sounds good.....”

“Stop by when you get off work.”

“Will do.....”


 

Gil ended the call and got ready for bed. He had a feeling that he was doing the right thing because the doubt was starting to fall away. He wanted this more than anything else, and he knew that being open and honest with Nick was the only way he was going to get it.....


END