Title: My World Is Empty Without You
Author: Jaxson K.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Nick rolled over and looked at the clock. He'd only been asleep for a couple of hours, but he knew that he probably wouldn't get much more sleep anyway. He got up and went to the kitchen for a cold drink. As he sat down in the living room, he thought about how quiet the house was. It had been that way since Greg had left, and Nick was to the point where he would even welcome the arguing again so long as it meant that Greg was home. Nick knew it was his fault that Greg had left, but in his sorrow, he had no idea what to do about it.


 

In the 3 weeks that Greg had been gone, Nick simply went through the motions. He went to work, did his job, went home, and missed Greg. He felt so cold and alone. There were so many things he missed about Greg. His crazy hair, the rock music, the loud clothes, the cinnamon scent of Greg's soap, those big puppy-dog eyes when he wanted something. So many things. Nick was starting to think that he would go insane dealing with all the memories.


 

It really was very simple. All Greg wanted was to be open with the team. That's all it was. It was simple to everyone but Nick. Having been conflicted all his life, Nick was a very private man when it came to who he did and didn't sleep with. Nick was afraid that the people on his team would think less of him, but what he didn't realize was that most of them already knew, and that it didn't make much of a difference either way. To Greg's way of thinking, if Nick could come out to the team, it would make it easier as far as his family or anyone else was concerned.


 

Every time the topic came up, they would argue. Nick would yell and carry on, and Greg would get his feelings hurt and they would arrive at an impasse. Greg got to the point that he told Nick that he was tired of being a “dirty little secret”, and that if Nick didn't do something to fix the situation, then he was leaving. Nick couldn't bring himself to tell Greg how he really felt about the situation, so he just ignored it. Nick realized later that he had made a huge mistake.


 

The argument started like it always did, Nick and Greg yelling and carrying on, but this time, when the impasse was reached, Greg played his trump card. He went to the bedroom and slammed the door. Nick sat on the sofa fuming, and then he heard the bedroom door open. Greg appeared with a suitcase and his messenger bag. He told Nick that he had called in to work, made his flight reservations, and had called a cab. When Nick heard the cab pull up, he begged Greg not to go, but Greg stood firm. Nick stood in the door of the house watching helplessly as his world calmly walked away.


 

Nick sat on the sofa crying his eyes out. He just couldn't believe Greg had actually walked away. Nick got up and went to bed. The last thought in his mind before sleep claimed him was that he had to try and find a way to fix this. That night at work, Nick was quiet and withdrawn. Warrick tried to get him to open up, but Nick just said he was fine. Catherine cornered him in the breakroom, but to no avail. Nick just wanted to get his shift over with so he could get away from everyone.


 

In the days following Greg's leaving, Nick threw himself into his work. He worked double and sometimes triple shifts to keep his mind from thinking about Greg. He felt that work was his salvation, but what he didn't realize was that he was doing one of the very things Greg had accused him of. He wasn't even trying to find a solution to the problem. He knew that he needed to end all this and get Greg back home, but he wasn't sure how.....

***

Nick sat staring at the telephone. He was trying to get the nerve to call his mother, but he chickened out each time. He finally picked up the phone and dialed his parents' number. When his mother answered, Nick broke down. He finally regained his composure and tried to explain why he was calling.

“Mom, I need to talk to you about something, and I want you to hear me out before you say anything...”

“Nick, honey, what is it?”

“Mom, I'm gay. I've been living with Greg Sanders, and I wanted you to know...”

“Nicholas!”

“Wait,Mom...”

“No, YOU wait, son...I knew about this already...”

“WHAT?????”

“No need to yell, Nick. I'm telling you that I knew. Your father knows, too, and...”

“Dad knows???”

“Yes, Nick. Listen to me! We've known for a while now. We put it together a while back. I called about a month ago, and you weren't home. I spoke with Greg to leave a message. That's when I knew. I talked to your father, and we are okay with it.....”

“You talked to Greg?”

“Yes, Nick. I asked him to have you call me. Didn't he tell you?”

“Yes, ma'am, he told me. Why didn't you mention that you had figured things out?”

“I figured that if you wanted me to know that you would mention it in your own time.”

“Mom, I really wish I had known.....”

“Nick, it's alright. Now, what's really going on?”

“Mom, Greg and I are having problems right now. He thinks I want to keep him a secret because I haven't told the people we work with about us. I'm afraid of what they might think...”

“Nicholas, you really should be ashamed. I know you have always been private about certain things, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But, is losing your boyfriend worth worrying about what co-workers think?”

“Mom, I don't know. I want Greg with me, but I don't want to lose the respect of my co-workers. I just don't know how they feel about homosexuality.”

“But, Nick, you would still be losing face if they find out that you have been lying. That wouldn't say much about your character, would it?”

“No, ma'am, I guess it wouldn't.....Mom, what should I do? I'm so confused!”

“Nicholas, you need to try and talk to your co-workers and get their reactions about this and once you do, you need to try and patch things up with Greg.”

“Do you think that will work, Mom?”

“Well, son, there's only one way to find out.”

“I guess you're right.....”

“Now, Nick, when are you bringing Mr. Sanders to the ranch?”

“I don't know, Mom...I'll have to see how things go, and go from there.”

“Well, just let me know, and we'll get something together. Also, don't wait so long to let me hear from you...”

“Yes, ma'am...Mom, I love you, and I'll talk to you soon.”

“I love you, too, son.....”


 

Nick hung up the phone in shock. He just could not believe that coming out to his parents would be that easy. Of course it helped that they had already figured it out. Nick thought about what his mother said about feeling out his co-workers. He knew how cops felt about the whole gay thing from his years of being a cop in Dallas. He just didn't know what the CSIs would say.....

***

Greg felt lousy. Ever since he'd been home he'd been in a funk. He knew that he was going to have to try and do something about it, but this one was almost completely out of his hands. He knew that he was gonna have to go back to Vegas sooner or later because of his job, but he didn't exactly look forward to it. Just the idea made him kinda sad because of Nick. He missed Nick so much, but he knew that he couldn't just give in and keep things like they were.


 

Greg knew that Nick was a private man about some things, and he understood that to a point. Greg also knew that Nick wasn't sure about his sexuality for a long time, and that being with Greg was something new to Nick. Greg didn't understand so much on that point because he had always been comfortable with himself and his sexuality, and because of that, he didn't really care who knew.


 

It was because of this that he and Nick argued about them being open to the team. Nick wouldn't discuss his reasons why he wouldn't tell the team, and that bothered Greg to no end. Greg was so proud that Nick had wanted to be with him, and it really was a dream come true. But, the dream was becoming tainted by the fact that Nick sometimes acted like he was ashamed of Greg and that he didn't want anyone to know about them at all.


 

Greg knew that something had had to give. While he didn't push at Nick all the time, he made his displeasure known from time to time, and it played hell with their relationship. He got the feeling that he was Nick's 'dirty little secret', and that was something he wasn't gonna stand for. They argued over that a few times, and Greg got to the point where he'd had enough. All he wanted was to be able to share his happiness with the people he worked with, but if Nick was that ashamed, then Greg would leave. He didn't want Nick to be ashamed of him for any reason, but he also knew that whatever the reason was, Nick wasn't talking.


 

When they argued the last time, Greg knew the time had come for him to leave. He didn't want to, but he knew that he had to try and make Nick see that he was hurting more than just Greg's feelings. While Nick sat in the living room brooding, Greg went to pack. He called Grissom and told him that he had an emergency and that he would be in touch. He went out to wait for the cab, and when Nick realized that Greg was serious, he begged him not to go. As much as Greg wanted to give in, he knew he couldn't. If he did, Nick would never do anything about the situation. When the cab came, Greg had to force himself to be calm. As the cab drove away, Greg was glad that Nick couldn't see the tears flowing down his face.


 

In the three weeks he had been gone, he'd wanted to call Nick several times, but he didn't. He missed Nick so much until it hurt sometimes. He missed Nick's laugh, his comforting presence in bed at night, his unique smell, so many things. Greg knew that progress was gonna have to be made, but he didn't know how to get the process started. He was afraid that if too much more time passed, it might be too late.....

***

Nick was in a hurry to get to work. He'd overslept and was running way behind. He hoped to get to the lab before Grissom handed out assignments, but he honestly didn't think it would happen. When he finally got there, Catherine told him that Grissom wanted to see him in his office. Nick groaned inwardly as the thought of getting chewed out by his boss. He made his way to Grissom's office and knocked on the door.


 

Gil was on the phone and looked up when Nick knocked. He motioned for him to come in and have a seat. When he got off the phone, Gil addresses Nick...

“Nick, I wanted to talk to you.....I'm not going to get on your case for being late, although I should. I have a feeling that something else is going on, and I want you to know that I'd like to help if you will let me...”

“Grissom, I appreciate the offer, but everything is fi....”

“Nick, that's a bunch of bullshit, and you know it!”

Nick sat there in shock. He'd never heard Grissom use language like that before, and he was a bit taken aback.

“Nick, that was Greg on the phone. I asked him when he was coming back because we are running low on manpower. He made a rather strange remark when I asked him about coming home, and I was hoping you could shed some light on it for me.”

“You talked to Greg?”

“Yes, Nick. I had to know when he was coming back.”

“Oh, I see. What did he say?”

“He told me that it all depended on you.”

“Me????”

“That's what he said. Now, what was he talking about?”

Nick sat there for a moment trying to collect his thoughts. The one thing he was dreading was here, and he wasn't sure what to do.....

“Grissom, I need to tell somebody, but I'm afraid.....”

“Nick, you have nothing to fear from me. I'm your friend, and I'll do what I can to help you.”

Nick took a deep breath and plunged ahead.

“Greg and I have been lovers for nearly a year. We've been living together for most of that time, and I was afraid to let anyone know. Greg wanted to let the team here at the lab know, but I didn't...”

“But why, Nick?”

“I was ashamed, Griss. Where I come from, you just don't admit to things like that, and I didn't want to admit it to anyone. I've not been out for very long, and it's all still kinda new to me. I didn't explain all of that to Greg, and when I wouldn't come out to the team, Greg left.”

“Let me guess, he didn't want to be a “dirty little secret”, did he?”

“How did you know???”

“Because, Nick, I was a dirty little secret, and I know what it's like to feel that way.”

“You????”

“Yes, me. When Jim and I got together, he treated me the same way. He wasn't comfortable either, but once he realized that it really didn't matter to anyone but him, he started treating me a lot better. Of course, this was well before your time here at CSI.”

“Did you leave him?”

“Twice! When I came back the second time, Jim made up his mind to “go public”, and things have been mostly good ever since.”

“Griss, I don't want things to go bad between me and the other members of the team. I know what happened to cops that came out when I was in Dallas, and I don't want that to happen here.”

“Nick, you have a lot to learn about your co-workers. Think about it, we see things on a daily basis that are far worse than someone's sexual preference. Besides, don't you think lying to them is far worse?”

“That's exactly what my Mom said. Hell, she told me that she and my Dad already knew. They were just waiting for me to confirm it.”

“Sounds to me like you've only been fooling yourself. Why don't you talk to the team and see what happens.....”

“I'll certainly take it under advisement.”

“Nick, you need to do something about all of this before you work yourself into the ground, and lose Greg in the process. I know now why you've been killing yourself here at work.”

“It's true, Griss. I miss him so damn much, and I want him home.”

“Well, you need to get started on a solution, huh?”

“I do...Thanks, Griss. This really means a lot....”

“Just glad I could help, Nick. Now get out of here so I can get some work done.....”

***

Nick sat in the breakroom deep in thought. He was considering everything he and Gil had talked about, and he decided to give it a shot. If it brought Greg home, then it was worth. If not, well, at least he had tried. Catherine and Sara came in for a snack, and Nick decided to test the waters.


 

As the two women sat down at the table, Nick joined the conversation. They talked about progress on their respective cases, and asked Nick how he was doing on some of his. The conversation turned to co-workers, and Sara mentioned one of the new lab techs named Logan. She commented that he was good-looking, and Catherine told her not to bother because he was gay. Nick paid really close attention to the conversation to gauge Sara's reaction.


 

Sara sighed and told Catherine that it was a shame that all the good ones were either married or gay. Catherine laughed and said that it definitely was a shame. Nick asked Sara if it bothered her that the new guy was gay. Sara told him that it really didn't make a difference to her because what a person did in their bedroom was their business just so long as it didn't turn into a crime scene that she had to investigate. Catherine spoke up and said that just because a person had different tastes in the bedroom, that didn't change things about the person in her eyes.


 

Nick asked Catherine if it mattered to her if she found out that someone close to her was gay. Catherine looked Nick in the eyes and asked if he were referring to himself. Nick almost choked on the apple he was eating. Catherine told Nick that she knew about him a long time ago, and that it really made no difference to her because who he slept with didn't matter. She said that he was a kind, giving soul who was a great investigator, and she had his back no matter what. Sara more or less echoed Catherine's sentiment. The big surprise came when Warrick weighed in.


 

Warrick walked into the breakroom and sat down. He asked Catherine what they were talking about, and Catherine explained that Nick had finally admitted that he was gay. Warrick looked over at Nick and shook his head slowly. Nick couldn't look at Warrick because he was afraid of what he might see if he looked at his friend. Warrick asked Nick why it took him so long to admit what they already knew. Nick looked at Warrick and explained that he was afraid of losing everyone's respect and he was afraid that no one would have his back if they found out. He went on to explain that he had seen those very things happen to fellow cops when he was on the force in Dallas.


 

Warrick told Nick that it didn't matter to him what Nick did in bed because that was Nick's business. He also told his friend that this revelation didn't change shit between them because he was always going to be Nick's best friend. Nick couldn't say anything for the tears flowing down his cheeks. He never knew that it would be this easy. When the tears let up, he explained that there was something else he wanted to say.


 

He told the trio about Greg, and explained the whole “dirty little secret” business, and how Greg had left him. Catherine and Warrick both told him that he should be ashamed for how he treated Greg, and that he had to try and get him back. Nick said that he knew what he did was wrong, and he knew that he had to explain to Greg his reasons for doing what he had done. His friends all gave him big hugs and told him that everything was going to be okay. Nick said that he hoped they were right.


 

Nick left work that morning feeling better than he had in quite a while. He had come out to his friends, and found out that it wasn't that big of a deal. They were okay with it and more importantly with him, and that meant a lot. Now he just had to get in touch with Greg and share the news with him.....

***

Nick got home from work in a much better mood that he was in when he left the night before. In the space of about 48 hours, the problems that had been on his mind had for the most part been solved. He had found out that his parents knew about him and were okay with it, and then he found out that his boss was sympathetic to his problem and had offered him advice and provided a solution. He had come out to his co-workers, and they were fine. Now came the most important part of the process: trying to get Greg to come home.


 

Nick decided to try and take a nap before he called. He knew that with the time difference, Greg would probably still be asleep. Nick went into the kitchen and had a snack and then got ready for bed. He climbed into bed, and snagged Greg's pillow. As he burrowed under the covers, he held the pillow to his face and breathed Greg's cinnamon scent in deeply. As sleep claimed him, he was thinking “soon, baby, soon...”


 

When Nick awoke, it was early afternoon. He got out of bed, stretched, peed, and went to the kitchen. As he puttered around making another snack, he thought about calling Greg. He was so excited. He was hoping that everything was gonna be okay. After he finished eating, he went to the living room to find his address book that had the phone number for Greg's parents.


 

As he waited for someone to answer, Nick began to get a bit nervous. This would be the first time he had talked to Greg since he left. He hoped that Greg would agree to speak with him.....


 

“Sanders' residence...”

“May I speak to Greg, please?”

“Who's calling, please?”

“This is Nick Stokes.”

“One moment...”

Nick heard the phone being put down and he heard muffled voices.....

“Hello?”

“Greg?”

“Nicky....oh, God!”

“Greg, what's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong...Just surprised to hear from you is all.”

“ I would have called earlier, but I didn't know if you would talk to me or not.”

“It's probably a good thing that you didn't then. I don't think I would have talked to you if you had called earlier.”

“Is it okay to talk to you now???”

“Yes, Nick, it really is. I have to tell you that I've missed you, and I was hoping that we could try to work something out...”

“That's what I called about. Greg, my world is empty without you. As I try to go it alone, it gets harder. I need you beside me, both in bed and out of bed. Our house is cold and dark, and silent, and the memories...”

“Nick...”

“Greg, I called my mom. She already knew about me and about us. She says that she and my dad are okay with everything, and they want us to come to the ranch sometime.....”

“Your parents know???”

“Yes! And that's not the best part. I came out to the team, and that was a wasted effort because they already knew, too. They don't have a problem, either. I even told them about you and me, and they were fine with it.....”

“Nicky, please slow down....”

“Wait, Greg! Grissom told me that I need to quit treating you like a “dirty little secret” because I would lose you if I didn't. He knew about that because he and Brass had the same problem when they first got together.....”

“NICK!”

“What, Greg?”

“Baby, slow down a minute....you're talking 900 miles an hour!”

“I'm sorry, Greg...I'm just so excited that I found a solution to the problem, and now maybe you will come home.....”

“Nick, you still haven't told me what caused this in the first place. Do you think it's possible for you to tell me now?”

“I'll sure try! I guess mostly it was because I knew what gay cops went through because I saw some things when I was a cop in Dallas, plus I was afraid of what our co-worker would think, and I was afraid that if they knew they wouldn't have our backs. But I explained all of that to them, and they told me that who I slept with was my business, and that nothing had changed in their eyes. Warrick and Catherine told me that I should be ashamed of how I treated you, and baby, I so am. I was horrible, and I want you to know that I'm so sorry. It won't ever happen again....Greg....Greg?”

“I'm here, Nicky....”

“Greg, are you crying?”

“Yes, Nicky.....”

“Baby, I didn't mean to make you cry...”

“I'm not crying because I'm sad, it's because I'm happy, Nick.”

“Greg, will you come home? Please? Honey, I miss you.....”

“Nick, I'll be home as quick as I possibly can.....”

“Greg, please be careful, and just remember I love you.”

“I love you too, Nick...”


 

Nick hung up the phone feeling like a new man. He had solved their problem, and his man was coming home. It didn't get any better than that.....


 

END