Title: Falling Away With You
By: 0creativity
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Genres: angst, romance, AU
Rating: NC17
Warnings: none
Summary: I don't even know how to summarize this. Nick and Greg start off in college together (but it's not THAT kind of fic so please don't hold it against me). It's pretty much just the story of how they got to where they are today because they've had a lot of shit to deal with.

"Greg? What the hell are you doing, man?"

Greg looks up at the sound of Nick's poorly stifled laughter and grins. "Bowling, Nick. Duh."

Greg's standing at the edge of the lane, his legs spread wide. The ball is sitting on the floor in front of him and he bends over and gives it a little shove. Nick is standing behind him, rather enjoying the view. He doesn't know about bowling balls, but he's pretty damn sure he's going to have a set of blue balls before the night is over. The ball slowly makes its way down the lane and Greg stays bent over. Finally, it bumps into the number one and number three pins. Nick watches, transfixed, as the number one pin goes one way and the number three pin goes the other way, creating a perfect domino effect. A strike. Greg was goofing around and he bowled a strike, which means–

"Ha! I beat you! That means you pay for the game, bud." Greg is doing his victory dance now, which consists of a lot of jumping up and down and ass wiggling.

Nick is speechless and the smirk on Greg's face annoys him. "That's not... what the fuck?"

"Physics 101, Nick. Oh, and a beginning bowling course." Greg has stopped dancing and has made his way to a chair, where he sits down and starts taking off his rented shoes. Nick is still staring at him, unable to believe that a biochemistry major has just beaten him at bowling. "But you weren't... That was..."

Greg flashes his most dazzling grin. "Yes, Nick? That was what? Amazing? Incredible? The coolest thing you've ever seen?"

Nick yanks his shoes off and goes to put his bowling ball back on the rack. "That's not how you bowl, Sanders."

Greg tries his best to pout. "Does this mean no prize for the winner?"

"This means torture for the winner."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Greg cracks a wicked grin when Nick begins to blush.

Nick goes to return their shoes and pay for the game while Greg walks outside the Student Union. He sits down on the steps and stares blankly into space, waiting for his friend. Those two words sound insane, even to him. If someone would have told him a year ago that in his first year of college he'd become friends with a frat boy from Texas, he would have laughed in their face. But here they are, a laid-back surfer with a hint of punk and a "Good ol' Boy" from the deep south, best friends.

"You okay, G?" Nick's voice snaps Greg out of his reverie. "You're looking kinda... serious."

Greg stands up and playfully punches Nick on the shoulder. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about whether or not I should wait up for you. I don't usually hang out with losers. I got an image to maintain, ya know?"

"Are you kidding me? The only reason people even talk to you is because you hang out with me," Nick teases.

Greg sticks his tongue out at Nick and flings an arm around his neck. "Nick, Nick, Nick. I hate to burst your bubble, but everyone knows I'm cooler."

Nick shrugs Greg's arm off and they walk in companionable silence. About halfway back to the dorms, Nick speaks up again.

"So I was thinking... Maybe we should be roommates next semester."

Greg laughs. "What, you want to move in together? I thought we were just screwin' around."

"We are!" Defensive Nick has surfaced and suddenly his voice is low and dangerous. He sighs before continuing, his voice normal again. "But we're friends too and we spend all our free time together. Plus, James has been driving me crazy and I don't want to room with him again if I don't have to." Greg just nods, staring blankly at something beyond Nick. "So I figure it makes more sense for us to room together. We get along, plus there are... other... benefits." He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"Nick..."

Nick runs his fingers through his hair and stares at his feet. "Look, just forget I said anything, okay? If you don't want to, we don't have to. I just thought I'd put the idea out there."

Greg sits down on a bench and lets his head fall back. He stares at the sky, trying to think of how he could best say what's on his mind. He isn't used to actually thinking about what he wants to say before he says it, but he learned a long time ago that with Nick, you have to be careful.

"Nick, I just... I don't want you to get the wrong idea. This is just about having fun, right? We're just two guys helping each other out when we're down on our luck. You know there can't ever be anything serious between us, don't you?"

"Of course I know," Nick snaps and Greg isn't sure if Nick really knows that or not. "We can still be friends though, can't we? I mean, it's called a fuck buddy for a reason. And if we room together we don't have to worry about anyone walking in or asking questions or anything."

The conversation is getting too serious for Greg but he knows if he cracks a joke now, Nick probably won't talk to him for weeks. "I just want to make sure you understand. I don't want things to get out of control and someone ending up hurt, because then it isn't fun anymore."

"Greggo, no offense, but you don't have to worry about me falling in love with you. I think I must be immune to this ‘Patented Sanders' Charm' you're always talking about."

Greg mocks outrage. "Nonsense! No one can resist the charm, my man. You'll fall for it one of these days."

Nick laughs and shakes his head. "You're something else, man." There is a short pause in the conversation as a group of sorority girls walk by and eye Nick appreciatively. "Room sign ups are in a week." Serious Nick is back again and Greg can't help but notice that he's still staring at the girls. "Just think about it, okay?"

"I don't have to think about it, Nick. I think it's a great idea, as long as you understand..."

"I do."

"Okay, so it's settled. Now, I believe you said something about torturing the winner?"

There's a mischievous glint in Nick's eyes as he pulls Greg to his feet. "We'll go to my room," he whispers. "James went home for the weekend."

~

They've been rooming together for a couple of months now. At first it was awkward because they hadn't bothered to keep in touch over the summer. But after the first night, they had gotten comfortable with each other again and fell into their old rhythm.

"I got a hot date tonight," Greg yells over his shoulder as he digs through his side of the closet. He emerges holding two shirts. "What do you think? The black sleeveless or the striped button up?"

Nick looks up from the textbook he's reading. "Depends. Is the hot date a guy or a girl?"

"Girl. You know I don't date guys."

Nick shrugs. "Is it serious?"

"Nick, if you want to know about my love life, just ask. Don't fish for details under the premise of helping me decide what to wear."

"I don't care who you date, G. I was just wondering what kind of place you were taking her to. A club? Movie and dinner? What?"

Greg grins. "Oh, we're going to go to that Six Flags Halloween festival thing, where they turn the whole park into some kind of crazy haunted house. It's gonna be great."

"Black sleeveless tee."

"Yeah, that's what I thought, but-"

"Should I clear out? Make sure the room's available?" Nick can barely keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Greg's face screws up in confusion. "What? Oh, no. No, man. This is just the first date. I need to make her think I'm a perfect gentleman right now."

Nick rolls his eyes. "Right. Sex comes on the second date after you've earned her trust."

Nick thinks he hears a muffled "Exactly" as Greg pulls the shirt over his head. After checking to make sure he has his wallet, Greg grabs his keys off the desk and winks at Nick.

As soon as the door closes behind Greg, Nick closes his book, lays his head back, and stares at the ceiling. Greg had been right. Somewhere along the way, Nick had finally fallen for his charm.

~

Nick wakes up to soft moans coming from Greg's side of the room. He rolls over onto his side to find Greg laying in his bed, masturbating, not even trying to hide it. "So good... so good. Nick..."

Nick chokes back a laugh. "Yeah, G?"

Greg freezes, looking very much like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Jesus, Nick. Give a guy a heart attack." He starts to pull up his pants. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was, until you moaning my name woke me up." Nick rolls out of bed and makes his way over to Greg's. "But as long as I'm up... and you're up..."–he rubs Greg's erection through his jeans–"Why don't we be up together?"

Greg's brown eyes turn a shade darker. "Thought you'd never ask."

Nick walks over to the closet and rummages through it before returning with condoms and lube. He pulls Greg's jeans and boxers back down and pushes him flat against the mattress.

"Tell me," he murmurs as he kisses his way down Greg's body, "why we can't be more."

He licks the head of Greg's cock, savoring the taste. He fumbles with the lube while he starts to lick up and down the shaft. He finally gets the bottle open and generously coats his fingers. He swallows Greg whole at the same time his fingers enter Greg. A low groan escapes Greg's throat and Nick pulls up and swallows around Greg's length again as his fingers continue to work their way in and out of him. It doesn't take long before Greg is coming, moaning Nick's name much as he had been earlier.

Nick swallows all that Greg gives him, then works his way back up his body. His fingers are still working inside Greg's tight ass as he kisses him. "Tell me," he whispers.

Greg opens his mouth to kiss Nick again, to taste himself on Nick's tongue. He looks straight into Nick's eyes as he answers. "Because someone always gets hurt. And then it isn't fun anymore."

Nick merely nods as he slides his fingers out of Greg and reaches for the box of condoms. He's already hurting so he figures he might as well go for broke.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Nick."

Nick looks up from the shirt he's ironing. "What?"

"Never mind." Nick can hear the irritation in his voice.

"G, you can't just start with the middle of a conversation and expect me to know what you're talking about."

"Sorry, but that's how my brain works. You should know that by now."

Nick smiles to himself as he inspects his shirt. Satisfied with its wrinkle-free appearance, he puts it on a hanger and puts it in the closet, then unplugs the iron. He heads to his bed and lays down, already thinking about how much aspirin he's going to have to take to get rid of the headache he knows this conversation is going to give him.

He sighs and decides to open the can of worms. "What do you mean you don't know what you're doing anymore?"

Greg chews on his thumbnail while he considers his answer. "You. Me. Us. I just don't know."

Nick's eyes widen. "I thought we talked about this. I understand the rules, you don't have to worry–"

"Yes. I do. You have feelings for me, Nick. As lame as it sounds, I can see it in your eyes. You're not very good at hiding your emotions. Right now I can tell you're scared and thinking ‘Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!' It's kind of funny, actually."

"So... what? You want to call the whole thing off?"

Greg closes his eyes and doesn't say anything for so long that Nick begins to think he's fallen asleep. Finally, he opens them again and turns to face Nick.

"When you asked me last week why we couldn't be more, I thought I knew the answer. Someone always gets hurt, right? That's what I keep telling myself, but I can tell you're already hurting and I'm starting to hurt so it seems kind of stupid to use that as an excuse now. Then I told myself that I don't date guys. Only we're already having sex and you're more interesting than any girl I've gone out with this year so that seems pretty stupid too. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"Do you have feelings for me?" He says it quietly, scared that if he says it any louder, Greg will realize what he's really asking and run away without answering him.

Greg chokes back a sob and simply nods his head, not daring to meet Nick's eyes.

"Then why do you want to run away?"

"You've seen how I am, Nick. I've never dated... seriously... before. And if we take this any further, that's what I want: serious. I just know I'll screw it up and end up hurting you even more. I can't do that to you."

Nick stands up and slowly walks to Greg's bed. He reaches down and takes his hand, gives it a squeeze, and sits down. He doesn't let go of the hand.

"If it doesn't work out, I wouldn't blame it on you, Greg. Unless you were a jackass and cheated on me or something, I wouldn't hold anything against you. Because we tried, right? That's all that matters. That we try."

Greg wipes some tears away with the back of his free hand. "I know it's way too soon to be thinking in terms of love, but Papa Olaf used to tell me not to be selfish when it came to relationships. He said it wasn't fair to the other person to make them wait for you to make a move because then by the time you end up doing something it could be too late. They might have already moved on and then somewhere down the line you'll be looking at what could have been and asking yourself which one could have been love."

"Sounds like a smart man."

Greg lets out a bitter laugh. "He'd kill me if he could see me right now."

Nick chuckles. "Why?"

"Because I haven't been following his advice."

Nick finally lets go of Greg's hand and pulls him into an embrace. "What do you want to do about this?" he whispers in Greg's ear.

"I guess," he admits, "I want to see where this can go. I want... you. All of you, not just the parts required for sex."

Nick smiles into Greg's hair. "Good. I want the same thing from you."

~

Nine months of living with Greg in a small dorm room. Seven months of sleeping in the same bed as him, being able to hold him and kiss him and love him, even though he hasn't used those words yet. Three months has never seemed like such a long time, but they know they won't get to see each other at all over summer break. Greg lives in California, Nick in Texas. Nick thinks his parents might understand if he told them he wanted to go see a friend he made in college, but like Greg said, he's no good at hiding his emotions. They'd figure him out in no time and that's not something he wants to deal with. Not yet.

The past seven months have been the best of his life. No one at school knows about them and it's something they've both agreed is for the best. They aren't ashamed, just scared. They stay in their room almost every night, watching movies or playing video games. Nick is sure everyone thinks they're just friends. In a way, that's what they are, but there's this weird new dimension that's been added. They care for each other beyond a friendly level and it's something only the two of them are able to pick up on in the smallest of details.

They do stuff that normal friends would never do, though. During finals week last semester, Greg complained that Nick was worrying too much about his upcoming tests. He tied Nick to the bed and helped him to relieve the tension over and over again that had taken over his body.

He wouldn't call what they do "making love" because they still haven't gotten around to saying those words yet. At the same time, it's a lot different than the frantic, fuck-buddy sex they had been having before. Now it wasn't just about getting off. It was about making the other person feel as good as humanly possible, beyond just a physical plane.

Their room is empty and clean now and the RA has already checked them out. They're grabbing lunch before they have to head their separate ways for the summer.

Greg must be a mind reader because as soon as Nick thinks it, Greg's saying it. "Summer's going to suck this year."

Nick nods. "Yeah, I know. I don't think we've spent any time apart except for a few days during Thanksgiving and a couple of weeks at Christmas. Now three whole months? You'll forget about me." He says the last part as a joke, but he can't stop some of the real fear seeping into his voice.

Greg takes Nick's hand across the table. They've gotten bolder over the months but signs of affection such as this in public are still rare. "You know that's not going to happen."

Nick tries to smile, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"What's bothering you, Nicky?"

Nicky. He had always hated when people called him that before. It made him sound like a little kid. When Greg does it though, it's different. It's his subtle way of saying "My Nick" and "I'm going to try my hardest to make this work." and "I really, really care about you." It's reassuring and wonderful and Nick has to fight a smile every time Greg says it. This thing between them feels more true with each passing day.

"Three months is a long time, G."

"It's not that long."

"Anything could happen."

"Nicky, nothing's going to happen. Nick, look at me."

Nick finally meets his eyes and Greg gives his hand a squeeze. "Nothing. Is. Going. To. Happen."

"Promise me."

"I promise, Nicky. I'm sure we'll talk on the phone all day everyday anyway. There won't be time for anything to happen."

Nick smiles as they stand up. "Have a great summer, okay? You've still got my number, right?"

"Yeah, I got it."

Nick puts his hands in his pockets and leans over the table and gives Greg a kiss on his cheek. Greg closes his eyes and rubs his hand over the spot.

"I love you," Nick whispers.

When Greg opens his eyes, Nick is gone.

"You love me?"

Nick smiles into the phone even though he's mentally berating himself for being so stupid. He's barely been home for five minutes and already Greg's calling him. It makes him strangely giddy, but he wishes they were talking about something else.

The silence makes Greg uneasy. "That's what you said isn't it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's what I said, G."

"I wish you wouldn't have left. I would've liked to have been able to say it back."

"Look, just forget I ever said any– Wait, what?"

"I said I would've liked to be able to say it back."

"You love me?"

"I think so, yeah."

Nick covers up the mouthpiece of the phone with one hand, makes a fist with his other hand and pumps it in the air as he yells "Yeah!!"

After he's taken a minute to regain his composure he says "You can tell me now."

"It doesn't seem right saying it over the phone for the first time. I want to be able to see you when I say it."

Nick laughs as he asks "When did you become such a hopeless romantic?"

Nick doesn't hear Greg's sarcastic remark, however, because there's a knock on his door. He interrupts Greg mid-sentence with a rushed "Just a minute."

He sets the phone down and goes to open his bedroom door. He's shocked to see his mother standing there. Usually, his parents avoid his bedroom at all costs. They used to think that he was a lady's man because he was always tutoring girls in biology in high school. He remembers how disappointed they had been when they found out that tutoring was all he ever did with any of them. Now they stay away for a different reason. Now they're afraid that they'll walk in and find him having sex with another man.

"Mom? What do you need?"

"Nick, what in the world was all that cheering about?"

"Cheering? Mom, it was one yelp. I was talking to a friend from school who got to watch the game today and he told me Texas Tech won. Sorry, I got a little excited."

She seems pleased with his answer. He's a bad liar, but she doesn't know enough about sports to raise any suspicions. She hasn't been able to look him directly in the eyes since he came out to them right before he left for college.

"Friend?" She also thinks that he screws any guy within spitting distance. He smiles again because what his mom is thinking is true this time. It never was before. She doesn't notice the smile because she's too busy studying the floor.

"Yeah, Mom. Friend. We've been over this before. I don't fuck every guy I see."

"Watch your language," she hisses. She stalks away and he closes the door a little harder than necessary. He walks back over to the phone and puts the receiver to his ear. Greg is humming to himself but Nick can't place the tune.

"Okay, I'm back. Sorry about that."

"I thought you loved me." The simple statement panics him for a minute before he realizes that Greg's just teasing him for lying to his mother.

"You heard that, huh?"

"Yeah. You haven't told them?"

"About you? No."

"Oh. I haven't told my parents about you yet either. Hell, I haven't even told them that I dig guys..."

"I'll tell them. Soon. It's just that accepting the fact that theoretically your son could screw guys is a lot different than knowing he's actually in a serious relationship with one."

"They'd prefer it if you slept around?"

"Probably. That way they can just chalk it up to a phase or something. A relationship is more long-term. More permanent. Much more serious. I'm not sure if they're ready for that or not."

"I don't think my parents will care. But still, this isn't a discussion I ever thought I'd have with them. It's definitely going to be uncomfortable."

"Well, if they disown you and my parents disown me, then we can just run away together."

"Can we join a traveling carnival? I've always wanted to be a carnie."

Nick laughs as he envisions a dirty, scruffy Greg with an eyepatch and bad teeth living in a camper.

"God, I miss you already." He knows he sounds desperate and needy but he doesn't really care.

"Miss you too. Wanna have phone sex?"

Nick groans. "Can't right now. I've got a ton of unpacking to do."

Greg actually sounds slightly dejected as he replies. "Yeah, I've got quite a bit more to do too. Hey, guess what?"

"What?"

"I was home for like ten minutes before some old friends swung by. We're going to start a band this summer. Give us something to do."

"Really? I didn't know you played an instrument."

"I don't yet," and Nick can hear the laughter in his voice and he's not sure he's going to be able to survive these next three months.

"Yeah, well, you have fun with your little band. Some of us actually have jobs lined up."

"Oh, right, interning at the court house. Have fun, man. I'd think of you while you're at work, but I probably won't even be awake. I love the night life, you know."

"Just don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"I might as well not even bother going out then."

"You better be glad you're not here or you'd pay for that."

"Actually, that just makes me even more depressed. Listen, I better go finish unpacking. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Anytime after five. Bye."

"Bye."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Yeah, these three months are going to last forever.

~

"And then he tried to kiss me."

"What?!"

"Yeah, I know. I've known the guy since kindergarten and he thinks just because I've told him I'm dating a guy that I want to mess around with him. I didn't even know he was gay."

"I hope you beat the shit out of him." Nick can hardly control his rage.

"I wanted to. He wasn't even drunk so he knew what he was doing. I went off on him, though. Yelled like there was no tomorrow."

"Good."

"I'm not hanging out with him anymore."

"Good."

"Nicky, are you mad at me?"

"No. Why would I be mad at you? It's not like you wanted it."

"I didn't. I mean I'd just got done telling them all that I found this awesome guy and how great the relationship is and he kissed me. He's an idiot."

"I'd say."

"And then when I told him that I wasn't about to cheat on you and even if I ever wanted to I'd never do it with him, he just looked at me and said ‘He doesn't have to know. Besides, long distance never works out.' I started to punch him but Ashley grabbed by hand."

"What did your parents say?"

"About Adam? I didn't tell them."

"No," Nick laughs. "About me."

"Oh. Pretty much what I expected. ‘Whatever makes you happy, Gregory. Just as long as you don't do anything illegal, Gregory.' They're almost too understanding. It's kinda freaky."

"They weren't mad?"

"No. Were your parents?"

"No. I guess they were a little disappointed. Not in me, but that this isn't just a phase and they're actually going to have to deal with it. They didn't really seem upset or anything, though."

"That's good."

"Yeah, I guess."

There's a pause and Nick marks another day off his calendar.

"How many more days until we can see each other again?"

"Thirty-one. Just one more month."

"It's going to be the longest one."

Nick nods even though Greg can't see him. "Yeah. I know."

"Listen, Mom's calling me down for dinner and afterwards I have band practice to go to. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Love you, G."

"Love you too, Nicky."

~

"I'm thinking about changing majors."

"Huh?"

"Chemistry just doesn't seem right for me anymore. I'm thinking maybe public relations or business management or something."

"I thought you loved Chemistry."

"I do, but..."

"But what?"

"What's your major again?"

"Criminal Justice."

"Chemistry is too different from Criminal Justice."

"So?"

"So we'd never be able to work together."

"And how would a PR or business management major fix that?"

"Well, business management probably wouldn't. But with a degree in public relations, I could become a spokesperson for the police force or something."

"If you got a criminal justice minor with a chemistry major you could work in a crime lab somewhere."

"Hmm. Why are you getting a degree anyway? I didn't think you needed one to be a cop."

"It helps. Besides, there are a lot of angles to the justice system and I may not want to be a cop forever."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I'm thinking ahead."

"Maybe I should just drop out and focus all my energy on the band."

Nick laughs like he always does when they talk. "Can any of you even play an instrument yet?"

"Yeah, I'm getting pretty good. I'll be really good when it's time for me to go back to school so I can forget everything I learned over the summer. Mark's getting pretty good with the drums too."

"Just remember me when you're famous."

"I won't be able to forget you since you'll be right there."

"You're going to keep me around even if you become rich and famous and travel the world?"

"Yeah, I thought you'd make a pretty good head of security."

"Very funny."

"I thought so."

There's a pause in the conversation as Nick tries to do some math in his head, but he's exhausted from working all day. "How long until we get to see each other?"

"Eight days. I never thought I'd be so anxious to go back to school."

"Me either."

There's another long pause during which Nick fidgets with the phone cord.

"Nicky?"

"Yeah?"

"I really do love you."

"I know. I love you too."

"You have no idea how much I missed you."

Greg smiles against Nick's lips. "Actually, I like to think I have a pretty damn good idea."

"We should unpack."

"Probably. But then again, when have we ever listened to logic?"

Greg starts kissing him again and Nick is powerless to stop him. It's been three months and he needs the physical contact. He needs to know that this is real, that Greg is actually standing right in front of him. He's been dreaming about it more and more and part of him is afraid that this is yet another dream.

He can feel Greg's warmth, though, and after nearly fifteen minutes of just kissing and touching and more kissing he's pretty sure this is real. He pulls himself away and walks to the other side of the room to resist the urge to dive right back in.

"Seriously," he pants. "We need to unpack. You know if we start something now we're not going to stop until classes start on Wednesday and then we won't have any time to put away our stuff."

Greg pouts and it's almost enough to break Nick's resolve because Greg just can't pout. No matter how hard he tries, he just looks cute. "Why do you have to be so... practical?"

"One of us has to be."

"Again with the being practical." Greg grins and again, Nick's resolve almost crumbles.

"Fuck, I missed you so much."

"Apparently not enough, or we wouldn't be fighting about whether or not we should unpack now or later," Greg teases.

Nick rolls his eyes. "If you help me unpack now, I promise you that we can do anything you want to afterwards, okay?"

"Anything?"

Nick notices the raised eyebrow and wonders what he's getting himself into. He can't be bothered to care, though. "Yeah. Anything."

"Okay, but I'm letting you unpack all your own crap. You bring way too much shit up here."

~

"Jesus, Nick. It took you four hours to unpack all that stuff. It took me one and a half. Are you planning on staying up here forever or something?"

"I have a lot of stuff. Sue me."

Nick had taken off his shirt about half an hour into the unpacking adventure. It's August and apparently they haven't turned the A/C on yet, or if they have, it isn't working. He notices Greg eyeing him appreciatively and licking his lips.

"So? What do you want to do?" He tries to stop it from doing so, but his voice gets lower and huskier anyway because it's still been three months.

Greg fidgets and plays with the hem of his shirt. "Can we.. Do you think we could...?"

"Do I think we could what? I told you we could do anything."

"Can we just... cuddle?" Nick can barely hear the last word.

Nick's heart shatters into a million different pieces, but it's a good thing. He's never had anyone just want to be with him before. He's never had anyone who thought just being in his presence was enough.

"I..." is all he can manage to get out.

Greg blushes and still doesn't meet Nick's gaze. "Never mind," he mumbles.

"No, Greg, I... That sounds... perfect."

"Really?" and there's a sheepish grin on his face that Nick hardly ever gets to see, but it's one of his favorites.

"Yeah. Definitely."

Nick walks up to Greg and pulls him into an embrace, turns him around in his arms, and rests his chin on Greg's shoulder. Greg leans into Nick's touch and relaxes completely.

"It's just been a while, you know? I don't want our first night back together to be frantic and rushed and... just about getting off."

Nick nods in understanding and pulls Greg over to his bed. He slowly undoes Greg's belt buckle and pulls his jeans down, then sets to work removing his shirt. He then takes off his own jeans and tugs Greg down onto the bed with him. He wraps his arms around Greg and pulls him as close as physically possible. It's hot and uncomfortable, but it's also Greg and once again he can't bring himself to care.

Greg shifts and Nick loosens his hold to allow the other man to turn around in his arms. Greg's staring at him, running one hand up and down Nick's back and Nick still can't believe this is actually happening.

Softly, Greg asks the question that's been bothering him since the beginning. "Is it supposed to be this easy?"

"What?" Nick asks, just as softly.

"Falling in love."

"I guess it is for us."

Greg nods, his eyes closing. Nick kisses Greg on the forehead and closes his eyes too, falling into a dreamless sleep.

~

Nick fingers the box in his pocket nervously. He's no longer sure that this is a good idea. It's been one year since they stopped being fuck buddies and became something more. They aren't doing anything special to celebrate the day. ‘Hell,' Nick thinks, ‘Greg probably isn't even expecting a gift.' If Greg wouldn't have whispered "Happy anniversary" when he first woke up that morning, Nick would probably think he'd forgotten the day.

Greg's staring at him now, though, obviously amused at Nick's nervousness. Nick decides that he's come this far so he might as well go all the way. He pulls out the box and puts it in Greg's hand, not daring to meet his eyes.

He hears a small gasp. "Nicky, what...?"

"Just open it," he mumbles in reply.

Greg follows the instructions and there's another, louder gasp. Inside the box are two simple silver rings. One has a small "N" engraved into it, the other a "G".

Nick finally chances a glance at Greg's face. "They're promise rings," he says in reply to the questioning look. "You don't... " He takes a deep breath. "You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. I just thought you should have one. I mean, I know it's kind of girly and everything, but I got you a couple of CDs too, to kind of make up for that."

Greg's not even listening to Nick ramble. He's too busy taking the ring with the "N" on it and slipping it on his finger. He interrupts Nick with a breathless "It fits perfectly."

"So... you're okay with it?"

Greg nods and Nick breathes a sigh of relief. "Good. I feel a lot better now."

They just stare at each other for a few minutes until Nick finally closes the space between them. He takes the other ring and places it on his finger, then grabs Greg's ringed hand with his. "I know we don't need something like this to show how we feel for each other, but I kind of want other people to know that I'm taken."

Greg laughs quietly. "I didn't get you anything."

Nick bites back a reply about how Greg is all he needs.

~

"Stokes residence, this is Jillian speaking." Her voice is cold and formal.

"Hey Mom."

"Oh. Nicholas." She sounds disappointed.

"Yeah."

"Is something the matter?"

"No."

"Nick?" Her voice is softer around the edges now. For a minute he thinks she might actually be concerned.

"Greg wants me to go home with him over Thanksgiving break."

"You're still together, then?"

"Yeah, Mom. Does that surprise you?"

She sighs and speaks in a resigned tone. "No, not really."

"Does that bother you?"

"That you're still together or that it doesn't surprise me?"

"Both, I guess."

"No. You two talked on the phone almost everyday over the summer so I figured it was serious."

"It is."

There's an uncomfortable silence that Nick feels the need to fill.

"Do you hate me?" He doesn't even realize what he's saying until he hears the stunned silence on the other end of the line. He's not sure he wants to know the answer.

"What?"

"Am I just a big disappointment to you?" He's starting to tear up and has to fight to make his voice sound normal.

"Nick, you know you aren't–"

"It's just that ever since I came out to you, you haven't been able to look me in the eyes and you and dad make all these snide remarks like you think I sleep with any guy who looks at me."

"Nick, I–"

"I'm still me, Mom. Straight Nick wouldn't do that and neither would Gay Nick."

"Nick, we've just..."

"I don't want to disappoint you, Mom. But I can't change this."

"You're not a disappointment, Nick. Your dad and I... we've just never had to deal with something like this before."

"I just want you to love me. I want you to be able to stand to be around me."

"We do love you, Nick. This just... it scares me."

"Why?"

"Because the world isn't ready for people like you."

Nick laughs bitterly. "Yeah. Tell me about it."

"I don't just mean gay people, Nick. I mean good people too. It's almost easier for the world to accept that two guys are just screwing around for fun. They don't want to believe that two men can love each other just as easily as a man and a woman can, though. They're afraid."

"I do love him." He wipes some tears from his eyes and stares up at the ceiling.

"I know you do. When you first told us... I knew you'd go for love. You always do, Nick. It isn't in you to take anything as big as a relationship lightly. And it scared me because I knew the world wouldn't be kind to you for it. So I... I tried to distance myself from you. I thought if I didn't have to see the pain in your eyes, then it didn't exist. Out of sight out of mind, right?"

"We tried."

"Tried what?"

"To just mess around at first. I couldn't do it, though. I fell for him."

"What I did was stupid, Nick. I know it was, but I didn't know what else to do. I just... I couldn't bare to see the hurt in your eyes that I knew would be there sooner or later. Now I realize that I put it there and I hate myself for it." She dabs at her eyes with a Kleenex.

"You're sure you're not disappointed in me?"

"Completely sure, Nick. I'm actually prouder of you than you'll ever know. It takes a lot of courage to be different."

"I love you Mom." He tries to choke back a sob but she hears it anyway.

"I love you too, Nick. Even though I haven't been acting like it, I do. I really, really do." She's not even trying to hide the fact that she's crying.

There's silence once again as they both try to recollect themselves.

"I think I might go home with him. For Thanksgiving."

"As long as he comes for Christmas."

"You–" he can't finish because he's trying not to cry again.

"I'm sure, Nick. It'll just be you two, your dad, and me. All the other kids will be all over the country doing who knows what. And if any of them do happen to show up, I'll make sure they understand."

"Thanks Mom"

"I love you, Nick. I know I don't say it often enough, but I do. I love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

"Tell Greg I say hi."

Nick smiles. "I will."

~

"Gregory! So good to see you again! Oh, and you must be Nick, right?"

Nick surveys the couple standing in the doorway and nods.

"Oooo, Greg has told us so much about you!"

"Have you been smoking crack, woman? I haven't told you anything about him."

She glares at Greg and his father clears his throat. "Why don't we let them come inside, Sam?"

Greg takes their bags up to his room while Nick follows Greg's parents into the living room. He sits down and an awkward silence hangs in the air.

"Uhm... lovely home you have here, ma'am." He knows it's a stupid thing to say because he hasn't even had a chance to look around, but the silence is killing him.

She grins. "Oh, thank you. We just repainted this room a couple of months ago. It was this awful burgundy color before."

"You didn't think it was such a horrible color last year when you picked it out," Greg's dad grumbles. She ignores him.

"So how did you and Greg meet?" She's just a little too cheery, Nick thinks.

"Well, we um, lived on the same floor our Freshman year and kept running into each other so we just decided to hang out together and became friends."

"We had no idea Greg liked boys," she says simply. Nick wonders if she's even keeping track of the conversation.

"Well, uh, to be fair to him, I don't think he did either."

Thankfully, Greg descends the stairs and sits down by Nick, taking his hand.

"Mom. Dad. We can make this real easy on the both of you. This is Nick Stokes. He's from Texas. His dad is a State Supreme Court judge and his mother is a defense attorney. He has five sisters and one brother; he's the youngest of the bunch. His major is criminal justice and he wants to be a cop. If you have any other questions, please ask them now instead of bringing them up at inappropriate times."

Samantha smiles and turns to look at her husband. "No, I think that about does it," he growls.

Greg stands up and pulls Nick to his feet. "Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house."

Nick gets up and follows Greg as he leads him to the stairs. "The kitchen's that way, the bathroom's through that door right there, and up here is where we're staying."

"We're staying in the same room?"

Greg laughs. "Yeah. Why wouldn't we?"

"Aren't they afraid that we'll... you know...?"

Greg leans in and whispers in Nick's ear. "I'm pretty sure they already know." He straightens back up and grins at Nick's blush. "Come on, our room's at the end of the hallway."

As they pass the second room on the left, Nick sees a slightly plump old man with white hair asleep in a recliner. He's muttering in his sleep and Nick stops to try and make out the words.

"The chicken, admiral! The chicken! It can play the piano!"

"Greg, what the fu–"

"Shhh. Papa Olaf gets really upset if you wake him from his afternoon nap."

~

Papa Olaf didn't come down for dinner and Nick thinks he knows why. Greg's mother isn't much of a cook. He pushes his food around his plate and eats as much as he can stomach, but after clearing about half his plate, he can't handle anymore. ‘No wonder Greg's so skinny,' he thinks.

Greg and his parents are making small talk about random things. Nick has no clue as to what they're talking about. In fact, he hasn't said much of anything since dinner started. He's starting to feel like a third wheel.

"Greg."

Greg looks at him and swallows his mouthful of food. "Yeah?"

"I'm pretty tired from the drive. I think I'm just going to head up and take a nap. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's fine, Nicky. If you want to take a shower, there's already clean towels in the bathroom. You remember where it is, don't you?"

Nick nods and leans over to give Greg a quick kiss on his cheek before he heads for the stairs. "I'll be up in a little bit!" Greg yells after him.

Nick nods dully as he starts up the stairs. He's halfway down the hallway when he hears a grunt. He stops, thinking maybe Papa Olaf is talking in his sleep again.

"Come here, boy."

Nick just stands there, not sure what to do. He doesn't know if the old man is still sleeping or if he really wants him to go into the room.

"You deaf, boy? I said to come in here!"

Nick looks around again, hoping that Greg has appeared and is about to tell him what to do. He sighs when he hears Greg's laughter downstairs. He slowly steps forward until he's standing in the doorway.

"What's your name, boy?"

Nick clears his throat. "Uh... Nick. Nick Stokes."

"That short for somethin'?"

"Uh... Nicholas."

The old man's voice is rough, but not unfriendly.

"So you must be the great guy my grandson's so in love with, huh?"

"I sure hope so, because if I'm not, I think you've just let cat out of the bag, sir."

Papa Olaf laughs. "Good sense of humor... I can already tell why he likes you so much. Come in here and sit down."

Nick does as he's told and sits on the edge of the bed.

"You hungry?"

"I just ate."

He laughs again. "You'll still be hungry, then. Samantha certainly didn't get her mother's cooking skills, that's for sure."

He stands up and walks to the corner of the room where Nick notices there's a mini fridge. He digs around in it for a little bit before finally pulling out a couple of sandwiches from a local deli. Nick takes the one being offered to him.

"You want somethin' to drink?"

Nick swallows his bite of sandwich and nods. "What do you have?"

"Coke. That okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

Papa Olaf tosses Nick a cold Coke and returns to his recliner.

"So what was for dinner tonight?"

"Honestly? I have no clue."

Papa Olaf nearly spits out his soda. "Well what color was it?"

"Kind of a grayish green?"

"That's never good."

"I didn't think so."

"I told her when I first moved in here, ‘Samantha, there's no way in hell I can repay you for putting up with me like this, but there's also no way in hell I'm eatin' anything that you cook.' She told me not to worry about it cause Greg does most of the cookin'."

Now it's Nick's turn to choke on his soda. "Greg can cook?"

"Yeah." Papa Olaf raises one eyebrow. "He's a mighty fine cook. Mighty fine. Mixin' stuff together to make somethin' else, that's what he's good at."

Nick shrugs. "I didn't know. We usually just grab some fast food or go to the dining hall. It's quicker that way."

"You'll have to get him to make you somethin' some time. Maybe a nice romantic dinner or somethin'."

Nick blushes and looks down at his soda bottle.

"Hey. Bein' in love? That ain't nothin' to be ashamed of."

Nick nods but doesn't stop studying the soda can. "Yeah. I know." Nick stands up and offers the older man his hand. "I'm really tired, so I should be heading to bed. It was nice to meet you though, sir."

Papa Olaf shakes his hand. "Call me Papa Olaf. Everyone worth knowin' does."

~

"Hey, Papa. I'm heading to bed, just wanted to say goodnight."

"Greg, come here for a minute."

Greg walks into the room and sits in the same place Nick had been earlier. "What's up?"

"That boy, Nick. He seems nice."

"Yeah, he is, Papa."

"You done good."

Greg gets up and gives Papa Olaf a hug. "I wouldn't have done anything if it wasn't for you."

"I'm sure you would've gotten around to it sooner or later." He's staring at Greg's hand. "That's a nice ring."

Greg smiles proudly. "Nick gave it to me last month."

"Is it like...?"

"An engagement ring? No, not really. Just... a promise. A promise that we're going to try our hardest to make this work, I guess."

Papa Olaf nods knowingly. "Just don't work so hard that you miss out on all the fun."

Greg gives him another hug and says "We won't." He turns to leave and gets as far as the door before Papa Olaf speaks up again.

"Oh, and Greg? Never go to bed angry."

Greg laughs. "Where the hell did that come from, old man?"

"Nowhere. Spoutin' off random bits of advice? That's what I do."

~

"He likes you, you know." They're laying in bed and Greg's rubbing Nick's chest.

"Yeah, I know."

"This is big. He doesn't let too many people call him Papa Olaf. Hell, it took until I was seven before he'd let me say it." His hands are playing their way down Nick's stomach now.

Nick laughs. "I still can't believe he told your mom that her cooking sucks."

Greg winces and his hand stops moving. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that. It totally slipped my mind."

Nick turns on his side so he can stare into Greg's beautiful brown eyes. He moves his head and joins their lips together for a quick but passionate kiss. "It's okay. I forgive you."

Greg's hand starts moving again and dips below the waistband of Nick's boxers. "You sure you don't need me to make it up to you?"

Nick lets out a little groan before answering. "I could probably be persuaded."

~

Nick rushes down the stairs with the last of their bags. They've already told everyone goodbye, so he's surprised when he bumps into Papa Olaf at the foot of the stairs.

"Oh. Hey, sir. I mean, Papa Olaf."

"Gonna leave without sayin' goodbye to me, were ya?"

"Well, I wanted to, but I thought you'd be taking your nap right about now."

They've made their way to the front door. "I decided to postpone it for an hour or so."

Nick sets the bag down on the porch and holds out his hand. "Well, I guess this is goodbye, then."

"For now."

"For now," Nick repeats and grins.

"Nick?"

"Yes?"

"Take good care of Greg for me."

"I will. You don't have to worry about that."

"Make him cook for you, too." Papa Olaf winks and heads back into the house.

Nick walks back to the car and throws the bag in the backseat and then gets into the driver's seat.

"Ready?"

"Yup. I saw you flirting with my grandfather, you know."

"What?!"

"Oh yeah, I saw it. The smiles, the wink. I saw it all," Greg teases. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather stay here with him?"

"Well," Nick starts, "I am pretty sure I found the source of the mythical ‘Patented Sanders' Charm', but I don't think I want to go running off with him anytime soon. He's just a little too old for me."

"You can't be serious."

"I am, Nick."

"But...I thought things were going great?"

Greg sighs. "They were, but... I just don't feel the same way now. Things change and it's just not the same as it was a few months ago. It's time for something new, Nick."

Nick rubs his hand up and down Greg's chest before pulling him closer. "And here I was, looking forward to telling people that I was dating a rock star."

"Sorry, Nicky, but I'm just not feeling the band anymore. No one can agree on anything anyway and my never being there doesn't really help matters. We all just decided it was for the best."

"Mmm... So what's going to take up all your time this summer?"

"Well..." Greg trails off, looking Nick over thoughtfully, "I was kind of hoping you would."

Nick rolls over so that he's laying on top of Greg and looking straight into his eyes. "Oh really? And how's that going to happen? We live a few miles apart, you know." There's a small smile beginning to tug at the corners of his mouth, but he fights it the best he can.

"Well, we could always get an apartment or a small house to rent around here. We'd have each other all summer and wouldn't have to worry about the dorms during our Senior year and it could have a nice little kitchen so I could cook for you..."

"Yeah? What about my internship with the courthouse back home?"

"Just transfer it up here. Your parents have connections."

"Look who's the practical one now," Nick laughs.

"Yeah, well, you've rubbed off on me."

"I hope so. We've been doing a lot of rubbing."

"That was lame."

"What can I say? You've rubbed off on me too."

Greg opens his mouth to stick his tongue out, but Nick seizes the opportunity to kiss him. Hard. And it's not exactly what Greg had in mind, but he'll go with it. They just kiss and touch and mutter things into each other's skin for a while until Nick pull back long enough to say "We'll start looking for a place tomorrow."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. But right now I'm liking this spot just fine."

~

Greg's digging through his closet, just a towel wrapped around his waist, tossing clothes over his shoulder and singing to himself. A sudden crack of thunder causes Greg's voice to get a little higher than usual, but he continues on with the song anyway. Nick's laying on their bed, trying his hardest to concentrate on some papers in front of him.

"Greg? Could you cut it out, please? I'm trying to study here."

Greg turns around and grins mischievously. "Study what? My wet," he undoes the towel and let's it drop to the floor, "naked body?"

Nick doesn't even look up from the papers. "Please," he mutters, "I memorized that a long time ago. I'm just looking over the rental agreement, trying to make sure we got a good deal."

Greg jumps onto the bed and rips the papers from Nick's hands. "Well, a fat lot of good it would do us now if you find out we didn't get a good deal, considering we already signed the contract and have moved in. Besides, you looked over it a million times before agreeing to it. You even had your parents look at it. I think we got a good deal, Nick."

"They always find a way to screw you somehow."

"I thought that was one of the things you liked best about me."

Nick laughs. "Man, what is your deal tonight? You haven't been this horny since we got back from Christmas at my parents'."

Greg shrugs. "It's our first night in our new place. I just think it would be a waste to not make the most out of it."

"Mmm, well... I can't really argue with that logic."

"I was hoping you'd say that." Greg reaches over and kisses Nick, flattening him against the mattress. Nick didn't bother to put a shirt on after his own shower, so Greg kisses his way down to his stomach, slowly undoes his jeans, then works them down his legs. He reaches for the waistband of Nick's boxers, pulls it back, and let's it snap hard against Nick's stomach. By the time Nick realizes what's happened, Greg's already run out of the bedroom, laughing so hard Nick can hear him on the other side of the house.

"SANDERS! You little fucker, you're going to pay for that!" Greg just laughs harder.

Nick jumps off the bed and runs out of the room, down the hallway, and into the living room where he sees Greg leaning against a wall, trying to breathe. When he sees Nick slowly approaching him, his eyes widen and he tears off into the kitchen.

Nick runs after him, chases him out the back door and into the muddy yard. It's raining hard and within seconds his boxers are plastered to his skin. It's dark and he can't see anything, but then a flash of lightning reveals Greg standing a few feet in front of him. Nick lunges forward and collides with him, knocking them both to the ground.

"That," Nick pants, "was so not cool."

Another flash of lightning illuminates Greg's smug expression. He grinds his hips upward against Nick's and feels Nick's growing erection through the wet fabric of the boxers. "Am I in trouble now?"

"Do you want to be?" Greg just shrugs and with one swift movement, yanks Nick's boxers down. Nick kicks them off as he leans in for a kiss. When he finally comes up for air, he realizes that Greg somehow managed to reverse their positions. Now Nick is laying on his back in the mud, with a wet, muddy Greg on top of him, sliding their cocks together. Greg's hair is stuck flat against his head and Nick doesn't think he's ever seen him look so beautiful before.

Nick can never seem to get rid of his practical side, so it doesn't surprise him to hear the words coming out of his mouth. "Are you sure we should be doing this in the middle of a storm?"

Greg doesn't answer, just continues his thrusts and leans in to suck on Nick's neck. Nick let's the rain wash the mud off of his hand, then let's Greg suck on a couple of fingers, slicking them up with his saliva. He reaches around and slowly eases the fingers into Greg's opening. Greg moans and arches back into the sensation, his thrusts a little more erratic now. Nick isn't sure how long they've been going at it before he feels Greg tense around him and come. All he knows is that Greg's wet, muddy body is rocking against his, then pressing back against his fingers, then Greg's cock is rubbing up against his again. All Nick knows is pleasure. Between the cool mud and rain and Greg's warm, flushed body and come, Nick's lost in sensory overload and reaches his own climax. They don't pull apart until a low rumble of thunder causes them both to jump. Greg rolls off of Nick and onto his back, closing his eyes to shield them from the rain.

Lightning illuminates the sky again as Nick looks over at Greg, and he can barely make out Greg's mud covered body. Parts of him seem to sparkle, and Nick realizes it's the light reflecting off of his come. It vaguely reminds him of the class he had to take where they taught him how to use the ALS to pick up all kinds of hidden stains.

After he's had a chance to come down from his high, Nick laughs and says "That is the hottest, craziest, strangest thing I've ever done."

Greg arches one eyebrow. "Besides me, you mean?"

"Yeah," Nick chuckles. "Yeah, besides you."

The rain continues to come down in buckets, but neither one of them makes any effort to move. Finally, Nick reaches for his muddy boxers, stands up, and pulls them on.

"I think we both need another shower, G."

"Mmm... that could be nice."

~

Greg sneezes. "We're never having hot, muddy thunderstorm sex ever again. Got it?"

Nick tries to laugh but ends up almost coughing up a lung instead. He nods his head. "That really wasn't the smartest thing we've ever done."

"Yeah, well it's your fault. If you wouldn't have chased me around the house and tackled me to the ground, none of this ever would have happened."

"If every muscle in my body didn't ache, I'd get up and hit you."

"You'd pass out halfway here because you haven't eaten anything in two days anyway."

"Shut up."

"I don't think I've ever felt so miserable in my life."

"Jesus, Greg. Do you have to yell? My headache's already bad enough."

"I wasn't yelling, man. Don't make me throw this box of kleenexes at you."

"Maybe Papa Olaf has a cold remedy he'd be willing to share with us."

"Nick, we've been over this before. Papa Olaf is more like a wise old sage, not a witch doctor."

"I want to die."

"And if you keep bitching, I just might make sure you do. Just... rest your throat or something."

Nick gets up and stumbles towards the couch. "Greg?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"This," Nick says, and he sneezes on Greg's arm.

~

"Dallas?"

"Yeah."

"Why Dallas?"

Nick shrugs and keeps studying his plate. He hasn't looked at Greg since the conversation started. "It's close to home, they have some openings, they have a good crime lab, so you could get a job there..."

"Close to home for you, you mean."

Nick sighs and finally meets Greg's gaze. "That's not even what this is about, Greg. If you have another option, then I'm open to it. But right now, I think this is our best bet."

"I got an offer from Vegas," he says quietly.

"What? When? How? I didn't even know you'd been looking into Vegas."

Greg runs his hands through his hair. "I wasn't. My advisor, she knows someone at the Vegas crime lab, so she called him, told him my qualifications and everything and he seemed interested. They're the second best lab in the country, Nick, and they want me to be the head DNA tech. That's better than anything I'm going to find anywhere else."

"Just apply at Dallas, man. They'd be crazy not to want you. Then, when they say they want to hire you, just tell them you've got an offer from Vegas... just bargain with them."

"What if I don't want to go to Dallas, Nick? Did you ever think about that?"

"What do you have against Dallas, G?"

"Nothing," Greg says simply. "It's just really close to your parents and the people there aren't exactly... open-minded."

Nick waves him off. "That's just a stereotype. Dallas is a big city. There's all kinds of people there."

Greg stands up and throws his plate in the sink. "That's not the point," he snaps.

"What's the point then?"

"The point, Nick, is that you're acting like Dallas is the only option we have. You want me to turn down an incredible job offer on the off chance that I can trick them into offering me the same thing, and for what? So you can make your parents happy?"

"My parents don't have anything to do with this, Greg!"

"Look, Nick. You told me that if I had any other options, you'd be open to them. I gave you an option and you're shooting it down already. Just tell me what the big deal about Dallas is!"

"The big deal is that there's no deal at all! Why are you making this so difficult?!"

Greg ignores the question and stalks off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

~

Nick is laying on the couch, trying to sleep, but he can't stop replaying their fight over and over again in his mind. As soon as he's exhausted himself into sleep, Greg's shaking him awake.

"What?" he mumbles.

"We need to talk."

"Maybe you do, but all I need to do right now is sleep."

"So this is how you want to leave it? We have a fight and you just want to forget about it?"

Nick rolls over so he can look at Greg, who's couching next to the sofa, his hand on Nick's arm. "I was stubborn and a jackass, Greg, and I'm sorry. What more do you want from me?"

"I'm not looking for an apology. I just want to talk through this. I want to know why Dallas is so important to you, and I want you to understand why Vegas is a big deal for me. I don't want to sleep alone tonight."

Nick slowly sits up and rubs his eyes. Greg takes this as a good sign and moves to sit next to Nick on the couch.

Nick yawns and it takes a couple of minutes before he starts talking. "Dallas is a big deal for me because my dad knows a lot of guys on the force. Ever since I first told him I wanted to be a cop, he's pressured me to join Dallas PD. I'm not doing it for him, though," he adds upon seeing Greg's expression. "It's just where I want to be. I can see myself there. I can see us there, Greg." He reaches over and takes Greg's hand. "I've just... Somewhere along the way I just started envisioning my life being there. I guess the image got so vivid that I just assumed you were seeing it too."

Greg takes a deep breath and starts with his side of things. "Vegas is a big deal for me because what they're offering is really, really incredible. It's not just entry level lab tech stuff. They've recognized that I'm extremely good in my field even though I haven't had a lot of work experience in it yet. They want me to oversee all of the DNA processing. It's... huge. I just don't think I could get anyone else to offer me that."

Nick brings Greg closer to him. "So what do we do now?" he asks softly.

"I guess I apply at the Dallas lab and see what they offer me."

"That's not fair to you, G. I can't ask you to do that."

"A job's a job, no matter where it is, Nicky. If they can offer me the same thing Vegas is, then I wouldn't mind living and working there. You have your heart set on a location, not just a job. I'd be asking you to give up a lot more than you're asking me to give up."

"And if they can't give you what you want?"

"We'll worry about that if and when it happens."

~

It's one month before graduation. There are two letters in the mailbox. Both are from the Dallas Police Department. One is addressed to Mr. Gregory Sanders, the other Mr. Nicholas Stokes. Nick carries the letters into the house and hands one to Greg, who takes it and exhales nervously.

"You open yours first," Nick tells him. "If they don't want to hire you, I won't even bother to look at mine, okay?"

Greg nods and slowly tears open the envelope. He pulls out the piece of paper and it shakes in his hands as he reads it. Once he gets to the bottom of the letter, he grins. "They accepted! They're offering me what Vegas offered!"

Nick quickly closes the distance between them and wraps his arms around Greg. "See? I told you they'd be crazy not to want you!" He lets go of Greg, opens his own envelope, and quickly skims through it.

"I got the job..." Greg mutters to himself. "I can't believe it. They actually want me. I got the job!"

Nick lets his letter fall to the floor. "Yeah," he says bitterly, "well I didn't."

"Wait. What?" Greg moves to pick up the letter Nick dropped.

"Yeah, that fight we had about where to work and everything? We could've saved ourselves all of the trouble. I didn't get the job. Isn't this just fucking perfect?"

"But... why wouldn't they want you?"

Nick laughs bitterly. "Just read the Goddamn letter."

Greg picks up the letter and Nick notices that Greg's hands are shaking harder now than they were before, when he was reading his own letter. Greg's eyes move quickly down the page until he finally reaches the end.

"I thought..."

"What?" Nick snaps.

"I thought you said they had some open positions?"

Nick shrugs. "Apparently they filled them."

Greg notices the unshed tears in Nick's eyes and wraps his arms around him. "I'm sorry, Nicky. I'm really, really sorry. I know how much you wanted this."

Nick sniffs and rests his head on Greg's shoulder. "Can we just... not talk about this right now?"

Greg nods and runs his hands up and down Nick's back. "Sure. Whatever you need, Nicky. You know I'll be right here with you."

~

Greg is massaging Nick's back and neck. "My advisor said she could talk to her contact in Vegas, see if there are any openings down there."

"Hmm."

"Do you want her to?"

"Might as well." His tone of voice tells Greg that he isn't really excited about the idea.

"Look Nick, I know it's not what you wanted, but we could make it work. Just as long as we're together, right?"

"Yeah," Nick sighs. "I know I'm being really stupid about this whole thing, but I just really wanted to work in Dallas."

"I know. But it just didn't work out. Look at everything else that has, though. Look at us, Nick."

Nick rolls over and smiles as he stares up into Greg's eyes. "Yeah. We are doing pretty good, aren't we?"

"Two and a half years. I'd say that's better than pretty good."

Nick reaches up and pulls Greg down so that he's laying on top of him. "I'm in love with you, you know."

"I know. I'm in love with you, too. Have been for quite a while now."

Nick can't remember what was so important about Dallas as he drifts off into sleep. Instead, all he can think about is what a lucky son of a bitch he is.

~

"They aren't looking for cops either."

Nick doesn't look all that shocked. "That doesn't really surprise me."

"But..."

"But what?"

"They are looking for CSIs. That means you'd be working in the lab with me quite a bit, but you'd still be out in the field most of the time."

"I'd have to take courses all summer to become certified, Greg."

"Yeah, but Grissom, the night shift supervisor, doesn't mind. In fact, he actually likes to train the people who work for him, so they know what to expect from him right from the beginning."

"We'd be working night shift?" Nick sounds unsure.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I just kind of like sleeping at night, that's all."

"Nick, you haven't slept at night for as long as you've known me," Greg teases.

"Well, I guess you've got a point there."

"He wants us to come down for an interview next week."

"Wait, he knows about us?"

"Yes. I had to make him understand why it was so important that we work the same shift and everything."

"He's never going to hire us if he knows we're a couple. Bosses don't want their employees' relationships getting in the way of work, G."

"Look, I talked to him for a little bit. He was very nice and understanding. If he had a problem with it, he wouldn't have asked us to come down for an interview, right?"

"I guess..." and Greg can tell Nick is still uneasy.

"Let's just do the interview, okay? If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. There's no point in wasting a potential job opportunity, though."

Nick pretends to be upset about something, but he can't tell if Greg's buying it or not.

"All right, I'll bite. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just think I lost the title of Mr. Practical."

~

"This heat is unbearable. I can already tell I won't be able to live here."

"Pansy. You grew up in Texas, you should be used to it by now."

"It was never this bad in Texas, G."

Greg rolls his eyes. "You complain too much. Do you want to head up to the nice, air conditioned room while I bring the bags up? I wouldn't want you to overheat or anything."

"Nah, I better help. You'd never let me live it down if I didn't."

"Damn straight I wouldn't."

Ten minutes later and they're lounging in the luxurious air conditioning of their hotel room. Their bags are sitting just inside the door. Greg is relaxing on the bed, Nick on the floor.

"Nick." Greg hears a grunt in response so he continues. "Why are you on the floor?"

"Heat rises," he mumbles.

"Oh." Another grunt. "You know, I just realized why you didn't get the job in Dallas."

Nick groans this time. "Why?"

"We didn't have good luck sex before we applied."

"You must have. You got the job, remember?"

"You know, that's funny, because when I was doing it I was thinking about how I was having to use my hand because you were gone. At the time I thought it was bad luck."

"We'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen this time, won't we?"

"I think we might have to, yeah."

"So how far in advance will good luck sex work?"

"You know," Greg says seductively, "as luck would have it, I think we're just inside the window."

Nick growls as he stands up. "Please tell me Papa Olaf didn't extol to you the secrets of good luck sex."

"And if he did?"

Nick jumps on the bed and nibbles Greg's earlobe. "I just hate to think that your grandfather taught you everything you've used on me in bed."

"Mmm, yeah, that is kind of disgusting, isn't it?"

"Just a little," Nick laughs. He just stares at Greg for a minute before taking a deep breath. "Greg, I..."

Greg looks at him curiously. "What is it, Nicky?"

"I don't..." he looks down at his hands, "I don't want to be in control tonight."

It takes a minute, but finally the words sink in and Greg's eyes widen. "You sure?"

Nick nods. "Yeah. I want you, G. Need you to make me feel good."

It isn't the first time Nick's given up his control, but it is rare. For the most part, Greg doesn't mind. Usually by the time they reach that point, he's too far gone to really notice who's doing what to who, but sometimes it bothers him. Sometimes he feels like Nick always makes him feel so good, but Greg hardly ever gets a chance to return the favor.

Greg reaches up and pulls Nick in for a long, slow kiss, rolling them over so that when they break it, he's on top of Nick. He sucks on Nick's neck for a while, his fingers exploring the smooth skin under Nick's tight shirt. Finally, he works up the will power to untangle himself from Nick long enough to get clothes off of both of them.

He sucks in a breath as his eyes take in Nick, laying there, his perfect cock already rock hard. His perfect, beautiful Nick, trying not to meet his eyes, a slight blush painting his skin a pale red, like he actually thinks he has something to be ashamed of. Like he actually thinks he might not be enough for Greg. His perfect, beautiful Nick waiting patiently to feel better than he's ever felt before.

It's as he's laying on top of Nick again, kissing and licking and tasting any exposed skin he can find, that he realizes the lube is on the other side of the room, buried in one of their numerous bags. He's not about to stop this to find it, though, so he'll have to improvise. He slides down Nick's body and lick's the head of his throbbing cock as he lets Nick suck on a couple of his fingers. He slips his fingers out of Nick's warm mouth as he starts licking up and down the entire length of his cock. Nick moans quietly and as Greg gently lifts up his hips with one hand and softly pushes against Nick's opening with the fingers of his other, the moan increases in both volume and intensity.

Greg bobs his head up and down as his fingers start working their way in and out of Nick. He wants to make Nick feel good, wants this to last, but at the same time he wants to bring Nick to climax quickly because what's coming next will make him feel even better.

"Greg... please..."

Greg pulls off of Nick's cock long enough to shush him and whisper "You aren't in control right now, remember?"

Nick whimpers, but nods and closes his eyes, throws his head back against the pillows and just lets the feeling of pure bliss overtake him. Greg smiles before going back to work. His fingers are hitting that spot inside of Nick with every thrust and he can tell it isn't going to be long now. Greg pulls off, wraps a fist around Nick's cock, and starts licking Nick's balls. Nick comes moaning Greg's name, who wastes no time. He pulls his fingers out, slicks up his own erection with Nick's come, lifts Nick's hips up, and slowly pushes his way inside.

Nick's grabbing a hold of Greg, pulling him closer and further inside of him. Even though he just came, his cock is already twitching and starting to grow hard again. The feeling of Greg moving inside of him is almost too much. Greg's thrusts are slow and controlled. He's setting up a slow, tortuous pace to give Nick time to recover.

"I love you so much, Nicky... I never thought I'd find someone like you. Never thought I could be this happy. Love you so, so much."

"Love you too, G. Always... always..."

Nick is already hard again. It never takes long for Greg to make him that way. Greg notices and speeds up his thrusts, though they remain painfully controlled. He stares into Nick's eyes as his body moves back and forth and he can see the need. He decides it's not really nice of him to make Nick wait, so he wraps a hand around Nick's cock and starts stroking slowly. Nick's bucking his hips now, trying to get more of everything; more of Greg's hand around his cock, more of Greg inside of him. Greg speeds up his hand and soon Nick is coming for the second time, coating both of their sweat-slick bodies with his come and Greg could swear they were standing back outside under the desert sun because it's so hot. He can feel the spasms, feels the muscles deep within Nick convulse around his cock and he gives into the sensation, lets his own orgasm take him over, cries out Nick's name over and over again.

Greg pulls out and collapses on top of Nick, his head resting on Nick's chest so he can hear the frantic pace of his heart. Nick moves his arms to old Greg tight to him and sighs contentedly. Greg is asleep before Nick's heartbeat even returns to its normal pace.

~

"So? What do you think?" Greg's bouncing around, not able to hold still, and Nick can tell he's excited. He always has problems staying still, but it's hardly ever this bad.

Nick shrugs. "It went well enough, I guess. They must be pretty desperate, though, if they're willing to take us on."

"Desperate or not, they're offering us jobs. They want me bad, and it's just lucky for them that it's a package deal. You know what I think, but what do you think?"

Nick unlocks the car and gets in. "I think we should go take a tour of the city."

"What? But what about the job and the crime lab and Grissom and what he–"

"And look for someplace to live."

Suddenly all the energy Greg had before just... disappears. He just sits there and stares at Nick, his mouth open. Nick notices he's trying to form words, but is unable to.

"You do still want the job, don't you?"

Greg merely nods and Nick laughs. He pulls out of the parking lot and heads towards the hotel. They're just a couple blocks away when Greg finally manages to say something and Nick can still hear the shock and disbelief in his voice.

"I guess good luck sex really does work."

"Did you hear? Stokes had a gun pulled on him."

Greg almost drops his coffee cup as he rushes back into the lab. It's the second time he's overheard the rumor, and he has no way to confirm it. Nick and Grissom are still out in the field and he knows it wouldn't just be a rumor if something truly horrible had happened out there, so he's not that worried. He thinks about calling Nick, but he knows he won't get any work done if he does. If it's just a rumor and there's no truth to it at all, Nick will be upset with him for calling while he's working a case. If he calls and Nick tells him that it's true, that he could have died, he'll spend the rest of his shift with his mind everywhere but on his work. So instead he chooses to just throw himself into processing the evidence that's piled up on his counter. He still worries, but he tries to push it to the back of his mind because he knows it isn't doing him any good.

It seems like days have gone by between when he first heard the rumor and when Nick finally strolls into his lab, handing Greg some evidence to process, but he knows it's only been a couple of hours. He glances at Nick and knows immediately by the look in his eyes that it's true.

Nick clears his throat. "Um... Grissom gave me the rest of the night off."

Greg knows they have rules for what they can and cannot do at work, but when they came up with those rules, they didn't take into account near death experiences, so before he can talk himself out of it, he's got his arms wrapped around Nick, hugging him tight to his body.

"You okay?" Greg whispers.

"Yeah... Yeah, I just... I don't want to go home right now. Is it okay if I just hang around in here for a while?"

Greg lets him go and nods. "Just don't distract me. I've still got work to do, you know."

Nick laughs and Greg goes back to work, most definitely not thinking about how he could have lost Nick forever. They don't talk much for the rest of shift. Nick lets Greg do his work in silence and Greg doesn't want to think about it until he's free to touch Nick and able to reassure himself that Nick's still alive and well. He keeps stealing glances out of the corners of his eyes when he doesn't think Nick's looking.

They finally make it home and even there they don't really talk. What is there to say, really? "Oh, Greg, by the way, I almost died tonight." or "Nicky, even though it wasn't your fault, don't ever do that again because it scared the shit out of me." They know. They both know what could have happened tonight. They both understand what could have been lost. Words would just get in the way, so instead they go straight to bed and just lay together. Greg puts his head on Nick's chest, let's the steady thump-thump lull him to sleep. Nick wraps an arm around Greg's back, holds him close, allows Greg's body heat to comfort him, to let him know he's still alive.

~

"I shouldn't be doing this," he slurs. She doesn't listen. She just pours some more of the liquid into a glass and tips it to his lips. He tries to fight back but the liquid is starting to dribble out of his mouth and it's going to ruin his clothes so he swallows before he even knows what he's doing. He instantly regrets it.

"Greg..." he mutters, and she laughs.

"You're not still hung up on him, are you? You had a bad fight, Nicky."

"No... no fight..."

"Yes, Nicky, there was a horrible fight. He kicked you out, don't you remember?"

He doesn't remember because it didn't happen. He just stopped by the bar down the road from their apartment for a couple of drinks before heading home because that night's case had been particularly bad. On his way out, he saw Kristy and her pimp arguing, so he went to break it up. He offered her a ride home, thinking it would give her pimp some time to cool down. She offered him a drink for all his trouble and he declined, but she wouldn't take no for an answer so he finally accepted, thinking she'd let him go on his way after he had the stupid drink.

"I don't... I don't remember..."

"You were devastated," she whispers. "He broke your heart, Nicky. He kicked you out of his life and he doesn't ever want you to come back. Let me help you, Nicky. Let me help you feel better."

"I need... I need to get home..." he responds. He can't move, though. He doesn't know what's in the drinks she keeps giving him, but he was powerless to stop her after the first one. Now he's had three or four and he's struggling to stay awake.

"I think you need one more," she says cheerily, tipping the glass to his mouth again. He doesn't try to fight it this time, because maybe this will be the one that will put him over the edge. Maybe this will be the one that sends him into unconsciousness and when he wakes up he'll be back home in bed with Greg.

He knows that's not going to happen, though. Right before he slips into unconsciousness, he's vaguely aware that she's undoing his belt and starting to pull his pants down. His last thought before letting the blackness envelope him is that her hands aren't nearly as warm as Greg's.

Hours later, the ringing of his cell phone wakes him up. The pain in his head throbs and pulses and intensifies with each shrill ring the phone makes. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realizes that he's in her bed. He rolls out of the bed and blindly feels around the floor for his pants, trying his best to follow the sound of the ringing. When he's finally found them, he reaches into the pocket and grabs his phone. He doesn't notice that his wallet is missing.

"Hello?" It barely comes out so he clears his throat and says it again. "Hello?"

"Nicky?" The worried voice on the other end of the line belongs to Greg, and Nick's headache instantly worsens.

"G?"

"Nicky, where the hell are you? Are you okay?"

"Don't yell... please... stop yelling..."

"Nick, I'm not yelling. I'm just... wait, are you hung over?"

"I didn't even want to get drunk," he mumbles.

"Nick, I'm coming to get you. Where are you, babe?"

"Don't yell."

"Nicky, I'm not yelling."

"No... I mean, when I tell you, don't yell."

"Okay..." and Nick can tell Greg's no longer sure he wants to know where Nick is. Regardless, he takes a deep breath and tells him.

"I'm at Kristy's."

"Kristy? The hooker? Why are you at her place?"

"I... I don't know," Nick admits.

"Just hold on, Nicky. I'll be there in a couple of minutes, okay? Just... take it easy. I'm sure she knows a hangover cure or two, so don't hesitate to ask her for help..."

"Greg," Nick sobs. "G, you don't understand. I think... I think I slept with her."

"Nick, just hang on. I'll be there in a minute and then we'll talk about this, okay?"

"Hurry... please."

"I will."

Nick hears a dial tone and turns his phone off. He takes in his surroundings. Kristy isn't in the bed and judging by the total silence that's meeting his ears, he doesn't think she's elsewhere in the house either. Blankets are on the floor beside the bed and his clothes are littered around the room. He realizes for the first time that he's naked. It's as he's pulling on his shirt that he notices the used condom in the trash can. Bile rises in his throat and he runs to the bathroom and vomits. Just as he starts splashing his face with cold water, he hears knocking at the front door. He takes a deep breath and makes his way through the house. He looks through the peephole to see Greg looking around nervously. He opens the door and Greg gasps.

"Jesus, Nicky. You look like hell."

Nick doesn't say anything. He just pushes past Greg and walks to their truck.

"Is she in there?"

Nick shakes his head. Greg follows him to the truck and gets in the driver's side. They don't talk at all on the ride home. Nick doesn't know what to say and Greg's afraid to ask. As soon as they get home, Nick heads to the bathroom to take a shower. Forty-five minutes later, he emerges from the bathroom and goes into their bedroom to get dressed. Greg gets up from the kitchen table and follows him.

"Nick?"

He doesn't answer. Instead, he keeps digging through their closet, trying to find something to wear. His head is still pounding but the shower helped him to relax a little and he doesn't feel as bad as he did.

"Nicky?" Greg moves up behind him and puts his arms around his waist. "What happened?"

Nick sighs. He's never lied to Greg and so far they've been better for it. He's not going to start now.

"I slept with her," Nick whispers.

Greg lets go of Nick and sits on the bed, puts his head in his hands. He's silent for a long time. He doesn't know how to react. A million thoughts are swirling around in his head. Things have been perfect between them lately, as good as they ever were. Nick is too much of a gentleman to cheat on anyone. Nick is gay, so why would he sleep with a female? Nick hardly ever gets drunk and he never does it when he knows he has to work the next day. None of it adds up so he decides not to be angry yet because there's got to be more to the story. Nick wouldn't do this to him, they've come too far and worked too hard to get where they are now.

In the end, Nick saves him the trouble of having to react at all because he starts telling Greg everything he can remember. Greg takes it all in, stares at his hands numbly while Nick speaks. He believes Nick, but he's not sure if that's because what Nick's saying actually makes sense or because he's gullible or because he doesn't want to believe that he doesn't make Nick happy anymore.

"I'm so sorry, G, I am, but I didn't want it. I didn't want any of it. I just went to the bar for a drink. I just wanted to come home to you, G. Please don't hate me."

"I don't hate you. You've never given me a reason to doubt you before," Greg manages to choke out.

Nick grabs hold of Greg and pulls him close, buries his face in Greg's messy hair and cries. "This is so fucked up... I'm so sorry, G. Please forgive me... please."

Greg turns around in Nick's embrace and pushes Nick backwards onto the mattress. "She drugged, you Nicky, and she basically raped you. I'm not going to forgive you because there's nothing to forgive. You didn't do anything wrong."

Nick cries even harder and every once in a while mutters things such as "thought I lost you forever" and "I fucked up" and "love you so much" and "why aren't you mad at me?".

Greg can't answer the last question. He knows that anyone else wouldn't have believed Nick. He knows that anyone else would have yelled and screamed and broke it off without letting Nick explain. He's always prided himself on not being like anyone else, though. He also knows that Kristy's wanted in Nick's pants for months now. She gets in trouble just so she can request that Nick work her cases. She flirts and throws herself at him and tries to manipulate him. She uses people and it doesn't really surprise Greg that she'd stoop as low as to drug Nick just so she could have him. Besides, he knows Nick. He knows that Nick would never be able to do something like this. He also knows Nick will beat himself up over it more than enough for both of them.

So Greg just holds Nick tight, lets him cry, cries with him. Tells him that it's okay, that he isn't angry, that sometimes mistakes are made, and really, Nick is the victim here and he shouldn't be sorry because he didn't do anything wrong.

Any doubts Greg might have had about Nick's story are soon put to rest. Kristy turns up dead and they're looking at Nick for the murder. They found him all over the house and his DNA in a used condom doesn't really help matters. Nick tells Grissom immediately about his connection to Kristy. He doesn't tell him about being drugged or being unconscious while she had sex with him, though. It's a private matter and he wants to forget about it as soon as possible. Besides, Ecklie is out for blood so it's not like it would matter anyway. Things are looking pretty bleak for a while, but Catherine finally breaks the case. Kristy's pimp confesses, says she refused to give him his cut of the money she stole from Nick. He killed her, knowing that Nick would be their prime suspect.

They used to joke about Kristy. Greg used to tease Nick about his new girlfriend and Nick would tease him back, laughing about the hot date he had last night, and how he was only going through all this trouble for her because she was so sexy. Now anytime Greg hears her name all he can think is 'the bitch got what she deserved.'

No one claims her body so Nick offers to pay her final expenses and in the process, saves the county some money. When Greg asks him why he's doing it, all he says is "Because she wouldn't have wanted me to."

~

"How do you know about liquid latex?"

Greg gives him a devilish grin. "I just did some research on it before you came into the lab. It sounds interesting. Wanna give it a try?"

Nick raises an eyebrow. "Are you kidding me? It takes me long enough to get you out of your clothes as it is, why would I want to have to peel off another layer?"

~

"Hey, you okay?"

Greg gives him a shaky smile. "Yeah... I'm fine."

"You gotta stop beating yourself up, man. You did good for it being your first time."

"I froze up, Nick. They'll never let me out in the field again."

"You're looking for more field time?"

Greg blushes. "Well... it is kind of nice to get out of the lab every once in a while."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing. I just didn't know you were interested in getting out in the field. I thought you liked being the DNA guy."

"I do, but... I don't know. It's just not as challenging as I thought it would be. Plus, if I'm out in the field, I'm with you more."

"Any more time together and we're going to be sick of each other, G."

"Hm... you really think that's possible?"

"Sure. Maybe. Slightly. Probably not," he confesses.

"That's right, cause I'm hot shit. I have to lock myself in my lab to keep the ladies from tackling me to the ground and having their way with me right there at work."

"Considering most of the... ladies know that you're mine, I don't think that's as big of a problem as you'd like to think."

"Yeah, you're probably right. They're all scared of you."

"As they should be. You know..."

"Hm?"

"I could talk to Griss for you... tell him you're interested in getting out in the field."

"After what happened tonight, I don't stand a chance," Greg says darkly.

"You gotta stop beatin' yourself up, man."

Greg stretches out on the couch and lays his head on Nick's lap. "Maybe some other time, Nicky. Right now I'm still fine being in the lab... I just thought it would be fun to mix things up for once."

~

The house is empty, save for the moving boxes scattered amongst the various rooms.

"You're sure you want to do this, Nicky?"

"We have to, G. There's no way I can live here anymore."

"Hey, it's okay. I was getting kind of bored of this place anyway."

Greg puts his arm around Nick's shoulders. "Come on Nicky, our new home awaits."

He understood, of course. Nick's stalker had been living in their attic for who knows how long and ended up killing a guy in their house, then threatened to kill Nick, then tried to kill himself. The truth of the matter is that Greg doesn't want to live there either. It isn't a home anymore. It's more like a haunted house, and the sooner they leave, the better.

He can only imagine what Nick's going through. He wakes up almost every night in a cold sweat, breathing hard and his heart beating a million miles a minute. Greg knows that he's reliving that day over and over again in his sleep but he doesn't know how to help. So when Nick wakes up, moving his hands frantically, searching for some part of Greg, he doesn't ask Nick to relax his grip on his arm when he finally finds it, no matter how much it may hurt. Instead, he takes Nick into his arms, hugs him close, lets him know that he's okay. Lets him know that he's loved. Let's Nick squeeze him as hard as he needs to.

~

Greg sucks in a sharp breath and Nick lets his hands fall back to his sides.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?" he asks, his voice full of concern.

"No, it's just... it's just a constant thing."

Nick nods, but he doesn't push it. He's worried about Greg, but he knows Greg doesn't like to be coddled. "Grissom wants to know when you think you'll be up for returning to work."

"As soon as I can move without being in agony seems like a good time."

"Yeah... Yeah, that sounds good. I'll tell him tomorrow. God, I miss being able to touch you."

"You can touch me, Nick. Just not the back."

"I could have lost you," he whispers.

Greg glares at him. "But you didn't, so don't dwell on it."

"Yeah, but–"

"Nick, I don't want us to spend the rest of our lives together thinking about what might have happened. It isn't going to do us any good."

"I love you, G"

"I know you do. I love you too."

"I don't say it enough."

"You don't have to say it at all, Nicky."

Silence. Then, Greg speaks up again. "Nicky?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I can handle being stuck in the lab anymore."

~

"Worst. Day. Ever."

"Ah, come on, G. We've had way worse days than this."

"I worked so fucking hard to become a CSI and then I fail the proficiency and my replacement in the lab runs away. This is not a good day, Nick."

"I didn't say it was a good day. I just said that we've had worse, which we have."

"What am I going to do now?"

"You're going to find another replacement and then you're going to pass your final final proficiency."

"I just want to die."

"No you don't. Come on, let's go to bed. Things will look better tomorrow."

"I doubt it," Greg mutters.

~

"So..."

"Yeah."

"Fucking Ecklie."

"Yeah."

"How are we going to make this work, Nick? Different shifts? What do we do now?"

"Go to bed."

"Why is that always your answer to everything?"

"You've never complained before."

"I'm not complaining now. This just isn't going to go away, though."

"We can make it go away for a few hours, at least. Let's go to bed, G."

~

"I told you that you'd make it!"

Greg's grin stretches from ear to ear. "Yeah! I can't believe it! I'm actually a CSI now!"

"I'm proud of you, G. You're pretty damn amazing."

"You're not so bad yourself."

"Hm... I can't wait to get you home, so we can... celebrate properly."

"Me either."

They spend the rest of the celebration party on opposite sides of the room, because they know they won't be able to control themselves. One innocent touch could set off a chain of events that could quite possibly lead to them both being naked and fucking each other's brains out right there in the break room in front of all their coworkers. Yeah, it's better that they settle for silently undressing each other with their eyes from opposite ends of the room.

The next day, Greg comes home from his first shift as a real CSI. He sneaks into the bedroom and smiles sadly at Nick's sleeping form as he pulls off his clothes. He slides between the sheets, kisses Nick on the forehead, and whispers "I miss you" before falling asleep.

It was the hardest shift Greg has ever had to work. The entire night he had been one step away from letting it all get to him. He doesn't remember a whole lot about the lab explosion, but he does remember the pain, both physical and emotional, that he felt afterwards. He's the only person in the lab who knows what it feels like to have those kinds of burns and even he can't even begin to imagine what that poor woman must be going through. He wonders if it makes him a bad person that he actually wishes for her death.

He'd tried so hard to focus on the case and to push all other thoughts out of his mind, but Grissom had finally called him on it. Maybe Grissom had finally realized that assigning a CSI level one who had been blown up in a lab explosion to a living burn victim who was barely clinging to life wasn't such a smart idea. Greg smiles to himself at that thought. No, the only reason Grissom told him to take a break was because the breakdown was getting closer and closer and the last thing Grissom wanted was for someone to mess up one of his precious cases.

He should wake up Nick. He knows he should, knows Nick would want him to. He can't bring himself to do it, though, because he's sure Nick's had a hard night too and he's only been asleep for a few hours. He doesn't need to add guilt to the growing mountain of emotions weighing him down. Instead, he collapses onto the couch and lets the breakdown finally take him over.

Silent sobs roll over his body. He doesn't know why he's crying. It might be for Tara, it might be for the whole string of fucked up events that ended in so many deaths tonight, it might be because he feels as if he disappointed Grissom, it might be because Sophia called him on his recent personality change, or it might just be because he never gets to spend any quality time with Nick anymore.

As soon as he's thinking it, Nick's sitting down beside him, taking him in his arms, pulling them both down so they're laying chest to chest. Greg takes what's being offered. He burrows his face into Nick's chest, lets the tears come. He wraps his arms around Nick and holds on as tight as he can as Nick whispers reassurances in his ear.

He wants to believe. He wants to believe that everything will be all right, that the case won't bring back the nightmares he thought he'd finally gotten over. He wants to believe that Tara won't feel any pain, that the recovery will be swift and painless and she'll be back to living life to the fullest in no time.

Above all else, though, he wants to believe that he and Nick aren't drifting apart. The shift split means they hardly ever get to see each other anymore. They try, though. They've both been taking off more and more days and Catherine and Grissom have been good about tweaking their schedules so their days off always coincide. It's on those days that Greg can almost believe that everything's okay, but then another day like this always brings him hurtling towards reality. He can't ask Nick to stay up all day with him, to lose hours and hours of sleep just because he's having some silly little problems dealing with a case. It's not fair to him.

"I can't do this," he whispers into Nick's chest. Nick holds him tighter, whispers back.

"Of course you can."

Greg's shaking his head before Nick even finishes. "I can't," he whispers again.

"It's hard at first, G. You know that. You're strong, though. You can do this."

"Not talking about that," and it pains him to admit it, but he figures they both deserve the truth.

Nick pulls away to look into Greg's eyes. "What are you talking about, then?"

"This." He motions weakly between the two of them. "I need you, Nick, and I can't have you." The tears keep coming and he doesn't bother to wipe them away.

"What're you talking about, G?" Nick's starting to crying now too because he knows where this is going. "You've got me. I'm right here."

"We never get to see each other," Greg whispers. "We never get any time together anymore. And when I need you most, like right now, I can't have you."

"You do have me, G. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

"You need to sleep."

"You know I'm not going to sleep anyway if I know you're out here and you need me. I'm not going anywhere, Greg. I'll take today off if I have to."

"God, I miss you so much, Nicky."

"I know. I miss you too, Greg."

"How are we going to make it through this?"

"I don't know," Nick admits quietly. "By not giving up, I guess."

"I'm not sure if I can do that."

"You can, Greg. You've never given up before. It's not in you to give up."

Greg doesn't say anything so Nick decides to fill the silence. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Greg chokes back a sob. "I'm thinking... I'm thinking I'm exhausted."

Nick nods in understanding. "Why? What brought you to this point?"

"The case tonight? Never getting to see you? The shit I see people do to each other everyday? Take your pick. Mostly, though, I'm just tired of having to worry about us. It's not fair, Nick. We've worked hard to get where we are and we're good people, so why does this shit always happen to us? Why is the world so determined to tear us apart?"

"I don't know, baby, but the important thing is that we make sure it doesn't succeed."

And when Nick says it like that, like it's the easiest thing in the world to do, Greg thinks, if only for the moment, that he just might be able to do that.

~

"Just another day in paradise."

He laughs to himself as he replays the brief conversation in his mind. Paradise? Had he really said that? This, paradise? Feels more like Hell to him. Like his own personal Hell where everything he wants is dangled just out of reach and everything he has is slowly being pulled away from him. He just wants to get home. He just wants to curl up with Greg in bed. He wants to forget all about idiotic little kids getting drunk and putting their friends in dryers. He needs Greg to hold him. He needs to feel loved. He needs to talk to Greg and be reassured that not everyone in the world is a horrible person.

Greg's not there though. He's off working a double somewhere and now he understands what Greg meant by not being able to do this. Nick looks around their apartment. There are pictures of them together, when they were both happy. Laughing together, enjoying each other's company, not a care in the world. He sits down on the couch and buries his face in his hands. So this is how it ends. After all they've been through together, all it takes to break them apart is an egomaniac on a power trip.

He doesn't know what to do. They've both tried to make it work, but it's impossible. Their schedules are too different. He's contemplated getting another job, but he knows he won't be able to find anything that he'll actually like that has a night shift. He's talked to Grissom and Catherine, but they've both done all they can. He even talked to Ecklie, who laughed him right out of his office. He hasn't talked to Greg about trying to find another job because he can't ask him to give up all he's worked for. Greg had actually wanted to become a CSI. Nick just became one because it was necessary at the time.

So he's stuck between a rock and a hard place now. He can't have what he so desperately needs, what he deserves. He doesn't understand why God gave him the most beautiful, perfect person He's ever created and now He's taking him away. ‘Maybe I'm just not good enough,' he thinks. Somewhere deep inside of him he knows that's not true.

He's done everything he can and so has Greg. He's confused and angry and upset and none of it has to do with the case anymore. None of it has to do with the bullshit people do to each other anymore. It has everything to do with the fact that he can't have his Greg.

He wants to cry but his emotions are so screwed up he doesn't think his brain realizes he should be sad. He makes his way into the bedroom and lets himself fall onto the bed. He's on Greg's side, but he doesn't care. He needs to be on Greg's side. He needs that familiar smell. He needs to be surrounded by Greg's things since he can't be surrounded by Greg himself. He rolls over onto his side and looks at the picture Greg has sitting on the bedside table and it pushes him over the edge and he finally breaks down.

Last summer they'd taken some time off together to go to California and visit Greg's parents and Papa Olaf, who had just gotten a digital camera. He was having so much fun taking pictures of random things. They all turned out blurry and out of focus and some were too dark to make anything out in them and in others the bright light of the flash drowned everything out. The one he took of Nick and Greg wasn't any better, but Papa Olaf had been so proud of it. He played around with it in some cheap digital imaging program on his old computer and put a tacky little border around it that said "True Love." He printed it out and gave it to Nick and Greg on their last day there. Nick had to admit that it was one of the best gifts he'd ever received.

True Love. Nick wonders what that means. He wonders if its possible to love the same person forever. He mentally chastises himself then, because he can't picture ever not loving Greg. His parents taught him that true love always finds a way. ‘What a load of bullshit,' he thinks. He can't fathom a love truer than the one he and Greg share, but they still can't find a way to fix this problem. He's prayed and he's screamed and he's pleaded and he's cried and he's done everything he knows to do, but they're still stuck in an impossible situation.

He hears the front door open and he wipes the tears from his eyes and tries to compose himself. He walks out of the bedroom, checking his appearance in the mirror first to make sure Greg won't be able to tell he's been crying.

"You don't have to be quiet, G. I'm still up."

Greg turns around in surprise and looks Nick up and down. "You didn't even try to go to bed?"

"Tough case," is all he can manage.

Greg hurries across the room and takes Nick in his arms. "You okay?"

"I think so, yeah. God, I miss you."

"I know. I miss you too."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Nicky."

"I can't do this anymore."

Greg nods. "I know."

Nick wipes the tears from his eyes. "I just don't know what to do. I don't want to live without you."

"I don't want to live without you either, Nicky."

"Then what do we do?"

"I don't know," Greg says in a resigned voice. "Maybe... Maybe we should just let each other go."

"No. I'll quit. I'll work as a bag boy at a grocery store before I give you up, Greg."

"You can't quit, Nicky. You love this job."

"I love you more." Nick looks into Greg's eyes and sees the pain, the agony, the defeat, which just causes his own tears to come quicker. "I'm not going to let this tear us apart, G. We're stronger than this."

"How can you be so sure, Nick? What if we aren't? Because I'm pretty damn close to the breaking point."

"We'll make it through this, G. We have to. True love always finds a way, right?"

Greg just stares at his hands before replying quietly. "Sometimes love just isn't enough, Nicky."

Broken. He feels as if he's been broken into a million pieces and he fears that he may never be whole again. His days are an endless parade of friends and family offering their condolences, checking in, making sure he's doing okay, asking if there's anything they can do for him. He wants to tell them to just leave him alone, just let him be with Nick alone for a while, but instead he forces a smile, says he's okay, says that as long as Nick keeps breathing, he's got everything he needs.

He's not sure that's true, though. As much as the site of Nick breathing fills him with hope, the fact that he still hasn't woken up, that he's barely moved since they brought him in, and that he's still so pale and lifeless fills him with despair. So he sits in his chair by Nick's bed, holds his hand, talks to him about anything that comes to mind. Mostly, though, he begs him, begs him to please just wake up, to please just to get better.

The past six months or so have definitely been one of the lowest points of their relationship. Circumstance has torn them apart but they keep fighting, and he can't believe he ever seriously thought about giving up Nick. He's thankful that Nick wouldn't let him. He's thankful, for once, that Nick was stubborn and got his way, because now that he's seen the alternative, now that he's seen what a life without Nick holds, he'll do anything if he can just be guaranteed those couple of hours a day that never seemed like enough before.

It's day three and Nick still isn't awake. The doctors tell him that Nick will be fine, that they're just keeping him sedated until the ant bites have mostly healed, but Greg still worries. He hasn't gone this long without at least talking to Nick in years, and it's killing him. He pulls his chair closer to the bed, lays his head on Nick's chest, and let's the steady beating of his heart lull him to sleep, just like it has so many times before.

~

He doesn't understand. They told him that everything was going to be okay. They told him that there was nothing to worry about. They said he'd pull through just fine. So why is he standing at the edge of a hole, watching as Nick's casket is slowly lowered into it?

Everyone else left a long time ago, and he's just standing there, just standing there and staring, trying to make sense of why they're putting Nick back into a hole when they just pulled him out of one a few days ago.

It's starting to rain, but he doesn't care; he doesn't even feel it. His eyes are closed and he can almost see Nick standing next to him, smiling that sweet, slightly self conscious, slightly puzzled smile like he can't figure out why they're standing in the rain. He focuses a little harder and he swears he can hear Nick's voice. "G? Don't you remember what happened the last time we stayed out in the rain?"

God, does he remember. He remembers the feel of Nick beneath him, the sound of Nick's needy moans, the sight of his beautiful, tanned body illuminated by flashes of lightning, the smell of sex and Nick and rain all mingling together, the taste of Nick's tongue as it probed his mouth.

And each of those million pieces has just shattered into a million more pieces and he knows that he'll never be whole again. It isn't until he's completely soaked that he decides he should leave. As he turns around and heads back to the truck, he can't help but think that maybe they should have cremated Nick. He's spent enough time buried as it is.

He doesn't understand how all of these people can go about their daily routines as if nothing's wrong, as if his entire world hasn't just been taken away from him. He wants to stop the truck and get out and yell at these people, make them understand that Nick Stokes is dead, that he isn't coming back. He wants them to know that the best person he's ever known in his entire life, the person he loves more than anything, has been taken away. He wants them to feel his pain. He wants them to realize that Nick was honest and caring and loving and a wonderful person. He wants them to be upset that Nick is gone. He doesn't, though, because they wouldn't understand. None of those people knew Nick, and even though others that did are hurt, none of them are hurting like him, so he still feels all alone. No one could ever understand what he's going through. And it hurts that one of the only parts of Nick he gets to himself is the pain.

When he gets home, he screams and yells and kicks anything that's in his way as he walks towards the bedroom. He collapses onto the bed, completely drained. He keeps replaying their life together in his head, intent on making sure that Nick's spirit, at least, never dies. His body may be gone, but Greg will still keep the man.

~

His eyes snap open and he sees that Nick is finally awake and he's never been so happy in his life. He squeezes Nick's hand, whispers a "Hey."

"Hey," Nick whispers back, but his voice is rough and he coughs. Greg pours him a glass of water, not once taking his eyes off Nick.

"How you feeling?" he asks as he hands Nick the glass.

"Alive," is all he says, but it causes Greg to breakdown anyway.

~

He doesn't know why he's doing it, but he can't stop himself from trying to remember everything he can about Nick, about them. He commits every tiny little detail to memory, because if something like this ever happens again and Nick doesn't make it through, he wants to make sure he can always remember the man Nick was.


He looks across the bed at Nick's sleeping form and knows that the only reason Nick's sleeping is because of the medication. He knows he should try to get some sleep, but the nightmares will come back and as soon as he finally fights them off and starts to get some real sleep, Nick will wake up from one of his own nightmares and he'll need Greg to comfort him. So Greg's just content to lay there and stare at the most important person in his world.

He knows if Nick would have died this time, he'd only be able to remember the pain and suffering he went through. He'd always remember the last few months and how rough they had been, he'd probably even remember the hard times from years past, and that's not how he wants to remember Nick. So he focuses on all of the good times they've had, forces himself to remember them.

Tonight, he decides to focus on their first real kiss. He remembers when he told Nick he wanted to try to have a serious relationship. He remembers how Nick's eyes lit up, he remembers how happy Nick had been. He remembers how good it felt to be the reason that Nick was so happy.

He also remembers the doubt and the fear, how he wasn't sure it could ever work out because he didn't date seriously and besides, did he really believe that two guys could love and care about each other?

Their first real kiss had silenced any doubts that he had. He decided right then and there that he didn't care what the stigma was, he didn't care how people viewed him and Nick, because after that kiss, he knew they were meant to be. All it took was one kiss from Nick Stokes and his entire life had changed. When he finally falls asleep, his nightmares aren't quite so bad.

~

Nick knows he needs to fall asleep, but he's afraid to. He's afraid that when he wakes up, he'll be back underground, stuck in that box with ants crawling all over him. So he decides to use the trick Greg told him about. He searches for something happy, something good, to focus on, and finally decides to settle on when he first told Greg he loved him.

God, he'd been so scared that he was moving too fast, or that Greg wouldn't feel the same. He'd fought with himself for so long about if he should say it or not, but his mouth had had its own ideas and said it when he was least suspecting it. So he ran. He ran out of the diner and to his truck and didn't stop driving until he was pulling into his driveway in Texas.

And when Greg had called him and said he felt the same way? He thought he'd died and gone to heaven. He'd been so afraid of rejection or screwing things up that he hadn't allowed himself to think about what would happen if Greg felt the same way.

He smiles to himself as he closes his eyes. He rolls over onto his side and wraps an arm around Greg, and for the first time in over a month, he isn't squeezing tight enough to wake up Greg.

~

Five months later and they're almost back to normal. The shift split still hasn't been resolved, but Grissom and Catherine finally pooled their power together and went over Ecklie's head so Nick and Greg are at least on the same shift now. And every time Greg sees Nick smile, even if it isn't directed towards him, every time he hears Nick's voice, every time he feels Nick's arms around him, every time he tastes one of Nick's good morning kisses, and every time he smells Nick's cologne, he can feel one of those millions of tiny pieces being picked up and put back in its place. And he thinks that maybe, just maybe, someday he'll be whole again.

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