Title: untitled angsty fic
By: Clockstopper
Rating: R
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Note: spoilers for Grave Danger and Play With Fire in the vaguest ways possible
Summary: The progression of a relationship in slow steps.
a/n: This is quite possibly some angsty shit. Also new attempts at writing styles that I've been tinkering. It's of the bare dialogue variety. Influenced by too much of the moodier panic at the disco songs along with some unhealthy doses of bandslash, rps rumblings and Danielle telling me to write some nick/greg.

Nick doesn't freak out because of the little things anymore.

It's nice, Greg thinks, because once upon a time Nick would freak out if he saw a pair of Greg's boxers at his place for more than a day.

Nick can be one paranoid motherfucker. Greg's told him that once when he'd been drunk and quite pissed at Nick for another one of his weird freak outs.

There were even times when Nick'd look at him while they were having sex, all frightened eyes, like if he weren't in the middle of an orgasm he'd be looking around for Grissom to pop out of nowhere and Sara there with her police radio and crime scene kit ready to start investigating and looking for semen stains or something.

Greg thinks she'd find a whole hell of a lot of them because for a paranoid motherfucker, Nick sure does like having regular sex.

(And by regular Greg means twice in one weird early morning/late afternoon and Greg remembers times where there had been more than twice. Days that he cherishes and thinks are the best sex he's ever going to have in his life.)

Greg's not complaining about that though. He'd be stupid to do something like that.

But the freaking out, Greg remembers getting sick of that.

Greg remembers thinking, fuck, I'm better than this and it's not like he's the one that kissed first. That was Nick. That was Nick after a hard case and Greg had been there and okay he'd done that thing where he just wouldn't leave because he refuses to be involved in some sort of awkward one nightstand Mexican standoff in the crime lab.

They fucked. They're still fucking. It's nobody's business. It's not even against the rules, but Nick's skittish about this whole guy thing and Greg knows why. He knows why because he got Nick to admit to back alley fucks, dingy and sweaty and fast and probably not as good as Greg can make it and Greg's sure of that, while he'd been jerking Nick off nice and slow.

He remembers getting hard because of Nick's voice, throaty and low, and Nick's words, even if he's talking about some other nameless, faceless guy that isn't Greg but that doesn't even matter because Greg's been more than once, because it's dirty, naughty words spilling from Nick's lips.

They hadn't talked about while they shuffled around to get ready for work. That had suited Greg just fine.

But Nick's never had this. Nick's never had a relationship with another guy and it freaks him out and Greg gets it to a point, but it's fucking ridiculous sometimes.

Greg likes things. He likes his coffee and his gel and special moose and even his fucking toothbrush and he has to be like a ninja to keep any of those things around when he'd been over at Nick's.

(Because Nick had flat out refused to go to Greg's apartment because he'd claimed that people just had a habit of just dropping in and Nick didn't need anyone else seeing him like that.)

He'd infiltrated with coffee first, then a bag with his change of clothes. He'd gotten daring and left his toothbrush sidled right next to Nick's.

Nick had freaked on that one, hard and loud and there'd been a shouting match and Greg had thought, this is it. This is the end and he'd almost been completely okay with it.

(Except for the way it had totally left him shaking and wanting to throw up and he doesn't know when exactly he fell in love with Nick. He can't pinpoint it which is okay because the way their relationship started out had been totally fucked anyway. But he had and it had always been in that too much kind of way that had left Greg totally fucking broken whenever shit hit the fan.)

He'd put his toothbrush in his bag and they had awesome makeup sex that had been the right side of rough and hard and Nick hadn't freaked out again.

And Greg thinks he probably kept a few freak outs to himself because sometimes Nick would see his cereal in pantry and wouldn't even flinch, but Greg's playlist on his iTunes had sent Nick to bar after bar where he almost fucked some waitress before Warrick had hauled him out and told him to cut his shit out because Greg had been worried.

(Greg's relationship with Warrick is very weird. He admits it. In the early days Warrick had simultaneously freaked him out and been his biggest ally. They're cool though. For the most part. Warrick says he makes Nick happy and that's all that matters.)

Greg remembers Sara telling him to end it. He remember Jacqui telling him to end it. He remembers Mandy telling him to end it. He remembers Bobby subtly hinting and Archie being so fucking surprised when Greg had told him like he hadn't known at all.

Greg remembers saying he needs time. Greg remembers saying he gets better. Greg remembers saying he doesn't always freak out on shit and that it doesn't happen often and hey at least he's not getting beaten.

Well if he isn't beating you, he remembers Hodges saying in that weird condescending nasally way he has and Greg doesn't remember Hodges ever having an opinion on the matter other than don't fucking tell me.

Greg thinks it's because of the whole lab rat movie night he's hosting at his place sans Nick.

He remembers Mandy stealing some of Hodges's pop corn and sighing as she shakes her head saying well at least you can't get married. Now you can die and leave him nothing for being such a dick.

He doesn't even frown at the logic. It is Mandy after all.

The thing is he doesn't even know how to not be with Nick at that point. Two years can seem like a life time and not at the same time and sometimes Nick kisses him and Greg forgets himself. Sometimes he mouths at the scars at Greg's back and he feels Nick murmuring that he would have tried to save him if had known.

You have saved me, Greg thinks, but he never says it out loud because he doesn't know if it would freak Nick out.

Because he's living with Nick even if Nick won't admit it and I love yous may be traded with lips and touches and never words, but it's there.

Nick even met his parents and the freak out from that had been minimal, even if the lead up and been filled with Nick being twitchy and looking at the liquor cabinet.

It's just the little things.

But then...

"I should probably leave." Greg says silently.

Nick shakes his head.

"Visitor's hours aren't even over." Nick says, his voice hoarse and Greg wants to bundle him up and take him home, but the doctors want to watch him for concussions and dehydration and fuck Greg had to watch him in that fucking box and they don't even have enough liquor in Vegas for this.

"Yeah, but... your parents. I mean that want to see you. I think. I mean you should probably do that without... without me. It might be awkward."

Nick frowns.

"C'mere."

Greg frowns because he doesn't want to get to close to all the medical equipment and he can't get close to Nick without wanting to crawl into that bed with him and that might be a bad idea. But Nick's all red and puffy and he looks terrible and like he needs a hug. And Greg wants to give him one. A lot.

"I don't..."

"Get over here."

So Greg does and when he does, Nick grabs his hand and squeezes it and he smiles one of those real Nick smiles even though Greg knows he's fucking traumatized and Greg doesn't even blame him.

"I love you."

Greg's eyes widen.

"I... we..."

"Yeah, we don't say it and it's my fault and you know I was stuck..."

Nick sighs and his hands are shaky just like Greg hands get sometimes, a lot after the explosion and Nick usually kisses them until they stop.

That's not really an option right now with the IVs.

"You don't have..."

"Stop making it easy for me to be a dick, alright."

Hie voice is harsh and Greg swallows and nods.

"Okay."

"I was... I was done in that... in that hell and I came out alive and now... fuck it just doesn't matter, does it. None of that stuff I was so convinced meant something and I would freak the fuck out over it and you would just..."

"I couldn't..."

"Yeah I get that. You must have really fucking loved me to put up with that and I know you did and you're still here years later and..."

"Nick."

"I've never even said I love you, do you realize that? I mean of course you do. How could you not? I just... we should be able to say that stuff, you know? And have anniversaries and I'm a dick and I seriously don't know why you haven't left me, but I'm glad you haven't because I don't think I could actually stand it if..."

"It's okay."

Nick scowls.

"You supposed to not let me get away with being an ass."

"You're not being an ass right now. You're being very sweet and you don't have to be, okay, because I'm not going anywhere and that... okay that has something to do with you, but also because of me. Because I wanted to. Because I love you and I know, okay. I know that you're... that you have issues, but it's okay because I'm working on them with you. Slowly wearing you down."

"You shouldn't have to."

Greg cocks an eyebrow.

"Are you seriously going to question the best thing that ever happened to you?"

Nick smiles again.

"Best thing, huh?"

"You know I am." Greg smiles and he may feel nervous, but his words are strong.

They've been doing this for years. Greg can read Nick. Greg knows.

"Yeah, I guess." Nick says, his eyes softer.

Minutes pass and they're still holding hands and it's good even though the whole situation kind of isn't.

But they'll get through that together. Greg knows.

"I want you to stay. Maybe not meet my parents, but stay? Because..."

"I'll stay." Greg says.

Greg doesn't meet Nick's parents and Nick waits until six months after to tell them even though Greg says that they totally can't get mad at Nick when he's all weak and helpless.

It makes Nick smile so Greg guesses it had bee the right thing to say.

They do get mad though, furious and Nick doesn't even take it out on Greg.

Progress, Greg thinks.

It's slow. Molasses slow and Nick still gets all wide eyed when Greg makes sad noises about getting a cat, but it's good.

Greg knows that they'll make it to old age. He just knows it in that way that you can feel in his bones.

Besides his clothes are all there and his stuff is crammed next to Nick's and his toothbrush is in it's rightful place right next to Nick's.

So Greg knows.