Title: Going Home
By: anmani
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nick and Greg
Disclaimer: They belong to the CBS and not me.
Warning: Rape, non-con, violence.
Summary: Nick is looking forward to going home.
A/N: Take the rape warning serious. I'm sorry to put them through this, but I needed to vent a few frustrations of my own. I still love the boys dearly. Remember that English is my second language, if the grammar strikes you as bad.

I'm so looking forward to going home. Greg has had the night off and I miss having the little critter around. I'm not sure why we became friends. I mean we are nothing alike.

But it's by far the best friendship I've ever been in. He's all party and wild style, where I'm far more boring. I think of watching Sunday's game as the highlight of fun and my most extravagant clothes he wouldn't be caught dead in, they would be far too boring for him. His idea of fun is clubbing and preferably with real loud screaming music.

But we actually make real good friends. So when he asked if he could move in shortly after I'd been stalked I didn't really think about it and just said yes. I'm glad that I did and it changed the feel of the house into a home again. I mean it felt like a crime scene until Greg and his stuff arrived.

Why did he move in?

Well I think there's more than one answer. But for starters:
1) He got some new neighbors that spent the whole day listening to classic music. So he didn't get much sleep.
2) His lover had moved out, I've never met the person nor has he spoken of the relationship. So it's mostly guessing on my side. I don't even know if it were a man or a woman.
3) He wanted to be there for me, because I was flying rather low after that bastard Crane tried to ruin my life.

But you know sometimes I'm not even sure if any of those are the real reason. Greg may be talking about everything all the time, but there are just some things that he doesn't tell. Not that I mind because there are things in my life that I don't want to talk about too.

Anyways it has been six months since he moved in and I'm addicted to his company. It is amazing how fast you develop a routine even if you're just room mates. I cook, he cleans up the kitchen. He messes up the living room, and I clean it. I leave soggy towels on the bathroom floor and he hangs them up. He does the washing and I do the ironing. Everyday stuff, boring stuff, but really important stuff to us.

Jeez I make it sound like we're an old married couple. We are not.

Unfortunately.

But heck I don't even think Greg knows that I like men for sexual partners and I would die of shame if he ever finds out about my crush on him. It's not as bad as it used to be, living with him actually helps. I don't know why really, but maybe it's because he flirts all the time with me. Only he doesn't take it any further and I'm not so sure about him that I dare make the first move. Very typical of me though, I've never had the guts to go first when it comes to relationships. I think it's the picture perfect ideal set by my parents that intimidates me so much.

Shifts finally over and I'm heading home at last. I hope Greg's home from his night out clubbing and I hope he hasn't crashed yet. I just a need a few minutes of his company.

Well his car is here so a good chance that he is too. I lock myself in and listen to hear if he's already gone to bed. No soft snoring, no water running, no bustle in the kitchen, but his keys is hanging on their hook. Strange I can't hear any of Greg's normal sounds. However there is a muffled sound of… crying coming from his bedroom.

"G. are you alright?" I can feel the worry in my chest. The muffled sound changes slightly, but not to something recognizable. So I head for his bedroom with fear settling in my body. He's on the floor naked, bound and gagged. I can barely control my reflex to vomit, but I cross to him in no time and remove the gag.

"What happened G.?" My tears are flowing uncontrollably.

"I… safeword…. " And then he collapses. My brain goes into overdrive and I reach out to check his pulse and my other hand is going for my cell. I need to call help and his pulse is shallow. There are many things I have to do. Shit I have to check the house. I turn and am face to face with a man in a leather outfit of sorts.

"Kneel slut!" I reach for my gun and he kicks me to the floor and removes my gun before I even register what is happening. I'm hurting badly from the kick to my upper body and I can't think of a way out right now. The panic is rising in me. He has hurt Greg and I'm up next. I desperately seek my mind to find the knowledge needed to survive and find none.

He bosses me around and I can only comply. I strip when he tells me to. I pray that Greg is alright and hope that if he's going to rape me that he'll use a condom. I kneel at his command. I take his dick in my mouth when he tells me to. I try not to feel anything, but every time he slaps me back to reality. The reality of sucking a total stranger against my will. I can bite him and render him incapable of hurting me more, but he's got that covered.

"Bite me and I kill your boyfriend!" He's aiming my gun at Greg. So I do as told. I swallow when he comes and I hate how he tastes. I let him tie my hands behind my back. I pray that I can work the knot open when he is gone again. I'm turned so I can see Greg now and he looks so fragile, but his chest is still moving. I'm shaking from fear and my tears fall steadily on.

I register the assailant move behind me. He swats my ass and spread my legs. I can't take much more, my whole body is revolting, but I can't move. My fear of Greg getting shot stops me from moving at all.

He plunges into my ass without any kind of preparation and I cry out loudly from the all-dominating pain.

"Silent slut or he dies." I snap my mouth shut and try to block out the pain. It's so intense that I think I'm going to pass out. He thrusts into me with an extreme force and the pain increases, making me see strange patterns flash before my eyes. He keeps on going for God knows how long. And it is so painful that I just focus on not passing out. If I pass out I can't help or protect Greg. I keep it up as mantra: protect Greg, protect Greg. Suddenly he stops and pulls out.

"You're a good slut." Is all he says before he leaves. I am so relieved to hear the front door slam shut after him.

Now I just need to get my hands free and call for help. I fidget desperately at the knots and can't get them up. Time for plan B. I need to wake Greg up and then we can help each other. I call for him and he doesn't respond at all. This just adds to my panic. I stagger to an upright position and survey the room. I could go to the kitchen and get a knife or the scissors only my legs are shaking so badly underneath me, that I can barely stand as it is. I fall down next to Greg when my legs give in. I try to get my arms in front of my body, but I'm so stiff from the assault that I can't. I nudge Greg with my head.

"Wake up Greg. He's gone. Wake up I need you to help me. Please wake up Greg. Please" I'm getting desperate and I'm trying to remember what to do. But my brain isn't working properly and all I can think of is waking Greg up. Finally he responds to my cries and my nudges.

"Nick!" I think he understands what has happened because he starts to sob.

"Let me untie you we need to call for help." I coax us through getting untied and I call Grissom. I don't want dayshift to know, but I want the evidence collected. We both need to go the hospital. Greg is drifting of every now and then and I'm bleeding from my ass.

Grissom is the first to arrive, then Brass and then the ambulance. Grissom deftly secures the evidence he needs from us and sends us of to the hospital. The only good news is that the creep used a condom. We both have to spend a few days admitted because our injuries are pretty bad. Grissom and Brass is coming to interview us and I hate that I have to relive the whole nightmare again.

I sit next to Greg in the ambulance; I utterly refuse to leave his side. I insist to stay with him at the hospital. The mere thought of loosing him from sight sends me panicking. The nurses and doctors get the idea and keep us together for examinations and treatment. If you think being raped is humiliating just wait until you have god knows how many people manipulating your mutilated body. I hear this detached voice answering the doctor and it feels weird because I'm supposed to be talking. But hey as long as that voice takes care of things I can just watch over Greg and make sure that his chest keeps rising and falling with each breath. He hasn't regained conscience yet. They say that he has received several blows to the upper body and that his lungs are suffering from that. They've given him an oxygen mask on.

I accept that they part us when they have to empty my stomach. They need to stop my digestive system in order to give my anus time to heal. Not really something I wanted to hear, especially not the part about having a colostomy-bag, if things don't go as planned. While they humiliate me further Greg is send to have his chest x-rayed. I hoped that his injuries aren't too bad.

They put us in a double room and I freak when the nurse draws the curtain between us. I want to be able to see him and touch him. Well we compromise I get to see him and they get to keep the beds apart for better access.

I'm on my side, anything else hurts too much. They've inserted a needle in my hand, you know just in case, but it's not attached. Greg has got an IV with fluids and they've replaced the mask with a tube running under his nose supplying him with oxygen. I try not to think about the upcoming interview with Brass. I hope that he has Grissom with him.

"Nicky?" Grissom's voice brings me gently back to the present. I was thinking about a trip to Disneyland for my own comfort.

"Yeah I'm here." It's not like I can escape this.

"Greg?"

"He's still out." I know his breathing so well that I don't even wait a second before answering.

"Are you ok to talk to Brass and I?" He's standing next to my bed and I reach my hand out for him to take. I really need him and I hope he doesn't pull a Sara on me. I've seen her reach out for him so many times and he fails her every time. Please Grissom. He sits in the chair and takes my hand, I just feel so relieved. I tell the story this time and not the voice from earlier. I don't know why it isn't talking anymore, it was much better at it than me. I have a hard time getting the words out and I sob my way through the morning's nightmare. Brass doesn't say anything at all, he just scribbles down what I tell them. I can see that Grissom is hurting and that he is getting angrier for each detail that I reveal.

"Have they said anything about Greg? I mean do you know how long he'll be out for?" Grissom was massaging the bridge of his nose and for some reason it was the most comforting thing to see right now.

"I'm awake." Oh my god he sounds so weak. He's not ready; I can't let him talk to them just yet. But before I get any words out, Grissom has turned to him.

"We can wait until you're ready Greggo."

"No time like the present." He states weakly. My heart breaks in an additional million pieces. Why did the creep have to hurt Greg? Why couldn't he just have done it to me?

I cling on to Grissom's hand and he responds by squeezing mine. He doesn't let go, but he turns to face Greg. I fear for what Greg has to tell. What if he brought him home and consented to being dominated?

"I guess I screwed up big time." He sounds so exhausted.

"Something like this can never be your fault." Grissom's voice is soft and soothing.

"I went to this club and danced with several guys. I was in the mood for getting laid and I didn't feel like picking up a girl. Sometimes I just need a man's touch."

"It's ok. Nothing wrong with that." Grissom's voice is still soft and soothing. It even helps me calm down.

"Well I end up making out with this big black fellow. And I'm about to ask him if we can take it elsewhere when his pager goes off and he excuses himself. So there I am all worked up and I guess it clouded my judgment. This typical dom-guy comes on to me. Normally it's not really my thing. But I'll try anything once."

It bothers me that I can't see Greg because of Grissom. I need to see that my Greg is still there and not just his strange sounding voice.

"Anyways I take him back to the house and we start playing so to speak. My safe word is cat. So he ties me up and he starts out nice and gently, only mild swats to my ass. Then he puts the gag in and I loose my safe word. I think I said cat 10 times when I saw the gag. When he ignored it I knew I was in trouble. So I did what I could to get away, but he just kicked me around until I didn't know what was up anymore. He kept on hitting me and suddenly he just entered me without warning. It was painful, but at least I had planned to get laid so I had prepared from home. I tried not to feel or think while he did it and suddenly he was gone. I was so relieved. Then I heard Nick come in and hadn't heard the… bastard leave yet. I totally freaked and tried to warn Nick. I can't really remember much beyond that. I'm so sorry Nicky. I'm so sorry that you got hurt too." His voice cracks and he is crying loudly now, so I let go of Grissom. He takes the hint and I can see him hug Greg. I can't make out his words of comfort, but I can hear their soothing quality.

"It's ok Greggo, I'm sorry that I didn't come home sooner. I could have protected you." I'm reduced to a sobbing fool.

Greg gives them a description of our assailant. Brass leaves without saying anything at all.

Grissom stays and all he does is sit there between Greg and me holding our hands. I think that Greg's painkillers are wearing off. His breathing is changing.

"Greg shall I call the doctor for you?" Grissom gives me a puzzled look and then turns to Greg who nods. I push the call button and to my surprise the nurse enters almost immediately. Grissom takes over and she goes out to get a doctor and some painkillers. The doctor is a woman in her mid fifties and she starts talking to us about counseling and that someone will come and see us later. I don't really care. All I care about is Greg and how he is. Never mind that I'll probably spend more time in here than he will. It doesn't matter as long as I know that he'll be alright.

It has been two months since we got attacked. I still have problems calling it other than that. We both got out the hospital after a few days. No broken bones and no need for colostomy-bags. Ever since it happened I've been fussing over Greg. The good thing is that I don't have to think about myself and my own feelings; the bad thing is that by now I have a lot bottled up. He knows it, Grissom knows it and even I know it. But I don't want to deal with it, period. Only today it seems like I have to. Greg has cornered me with Grissom's help. I know that Greg is on the fast track to recovery, he has talked to me and a counselor.

I've 'talked' to the counselor too. I just can't, I can't just sit there and pour out my inner feelings. I deal with stuff like that in my own way. Alone.

"Nicholas Stokes!" Greg can say my name in a hundred different ways. But he only says my full name when he is pissed off beyond belief. I want to run, run far away and never come back.

"Leave me alone." My voice betrays me and shows the panic I'm trying to hide.

"Like we have for the past two months. Sorry but no can do. You have to get it out. You were raped!" Greg reminds me in a firm voice. He can do that, not many people know it. But he is incredibly determined and firm when it comes to the emotional stuff. It's something that I love about him. I cling to the thought of loving him. I hope that my love for him will get me through this horrible session. Even if that love is unrequited.

I fidget with the hem of my sweat shirt. "I can't…" The hem is extremely interesting.

"I did it and the world didn't end. It became better as a matter of fact." He soothes.

"I'm not like you." I could barely hear that myself. Fine I'm going to break down in front of him and Grissom. Or maybe I could prove Sara right about spontaneous combustion.

"No you're not. You're my best friend Nick and I can't keep on ignoring that you're not coping. It is killing me." The last word is followed by a sob and it makes me feel real guilty. So I try to talk. I'm sitting between them on the couch in our living room and the TV is on Animal Planet, but muted. Grissom leaves all the talking to Greg; he is just here to detain me.

And finally I talk. I was so sure that they would hate me if I did. But they just sit there and keep on telling me how much they love me. I'm not sure but I think I may have mentioned something about my crush on Greg. I cry me eyes out.

I wake up with a heavy head and in an unfamiliar place.

"Hey sleepyhead, you're on the couch." Greg whispers and I realize that my pillow is his thigh. The memory of 'the talk' hits home.

"It's okay everything is going to be fine Nick. I've got you." He's stroking my hair with one hand and the other is seeking out my hand. I take his hand and our fingers entwine.

"I love you Gregory Sanders." Wow that's not something I would say under normal circumstances. Heck it takes me a long time in a relationship to open for those words and now I just spill them like that.

"I know and I'm glad that you do. Because I love you too Nicholas Stokes." He said my full name without being pissed off. I guess he uses it when he is serious…

My headache makes it hard for me to focus on him and he must have known, because he hands me a tablet and a glass of water.

YAY! Greg kissed me for the first time today. I am officially over the moon. We had the big talk two weeks ago and he must have deemed me ready today. We came home from work and had a simple pasta dish. When we were clearing the table, he put an arm around my waist and turned me to face him. And then he kissed me. A simple kiss on the lips. Then he kissed me again and this time it became a deep passionate kiss. I know that I'm not ready to have sex any time soon. But kissing and holding hands like young teenagers are actually really nice.