Title: Hidden Depths
By: Heather Exume
Summary: Nick turns out to be the victim of a terrible crime, Grissom helps him.
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rated: R
Warnings: mention of rape and later possible descriptions of said rape may occur.
Archive: anywhere just let me know and at my site www.angelfire.com/weird2/butterflywings
Author notes: Thanks to Em, for if I hadn’t found your stories I would have given up on this fandom.

 

“Where in the world is Nick?  I paged him over an hour ago.”

 

Sara stared at her peeved boss, “he probably has a very good reason.”

 

Grissom sighed, “Knowing Nick a very good reason, that doesn’t stop the fact that I need him here or actually there collecting evidence from the victim.”

 

~Nick you so owe me for this.~  “I’m sure he’ll be here any minute.”  She glanced around almost expecting him to materialize in the alley with a flippant wave and excuse about the neighbor’s dog or something equally mundane.

 

“Well have him call me on my cell if he does.  Right now have to over to the hospital to do a rape kit.”

 

Sara, while not the best people person, could tell that more was going on then Grissom wanting Nick here to do a rape kit.  Sara placed a comforting hand on Grissom’s arm.  “I’ll have him call you as soon as he gets here.”

 

Rather than moving quickly the twenty minutes to the hospital seemed to take hours.  While Grissom was steamed at Nick he was also worried.  The call for the CSI had come right before shift start and Nick had yet to show up so Grissom had decided to beep him and have him meet at the scene, but he had never shown.  The miles were filled with Grissom swinging from worry to anger and back again.  It was a relief to finally be at the hospital with something to do.  ~Just focus on the evidence.  That’s what’s important now.~

 

A nurse led him to a private room just down the hall.  “I’m glad you’re here the guy in there was getting real worked up earlier.”

 

“What do mean?”

 

“He kept swinging from desperate to be clean and getting out of here to not touching anything and maintaining the evidence.  Once you’ve finished with him he can be released into someone’s care.  Now we just have to find that someone.”

 

“He hasn’t told you?”

 

“No, most of the stuff was gibberish at first, then the doctors gave him something to calm  down and he just fell asleep.”

 

“I see.  Any injuries that I need to be careful of?”

 

“He has some bruised ribs and a little tearing on the anus, but no serious damage was done.  He’s actually damn lucky.  Happen to have a plate on his skull from a previous fracture and the perp or perps hit him in just the right spot to not cause much damage, for him anyway.  Anyone else and they would probably be brain dead right now.”

 

“Could the perp or perps have been aware of this before they hit him?”

 

“Well I suppose depends on if they knew the victim, I thought this was just a random jumping.  We probably won’t know until the victim wakes up.”

 

“Thank you.  I call if I need any help.”

 

Grissom open the door and stepped into the room.  Shock swept over him as he stared at the person on the bed.  He stumbled to find a seat before his legs gave out and whispered one word, “Nicky”.

 

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Grissom sat and stared at Nick, just lost in thought.  The things he had said, the things he had thought, and here Nick had better excuse then any of them had thought.  Who knows how long Grissom would have sat there if Nick hadn’t started to stir.  “Nick, Nick can you hear me?  Nick?”

 

Nick moaned and opened his eyes.  “Grissom?  What’er you doing here?”

 

“Nick do you remember what happened?”

 

“I was meeting a friend.  He was in town for the day and we decided to get dinner together.  I was walking back to my car when I heard something in the alley.  I had my cell phone pulled out,” Nick started to move around, becoming more agitated.  “There were these guys and this woman, it looked like they were attacking her.  I told them to stop and that I was calling the police.  Then something hit me from behind I think.  When I – when I woke up they were on me holding me down, oh God.”  Nick started shivering and shaking.  Grissom slowly reached out, so as not to startle him.

 

“Nick, it’ll be okay.”  Nick fought for a short moment before breaking down in Grissom’s arms completely.  Grissom just held him muttering soothing non-sense and rubbing his back.  Eventually Nick calmed down.  Grissom realized that Nick might not be comfortable with him doing the rape kit, but whoever did it, it had to be done.  “Nick?  You know a rape kit has to be performed right?”  Nick nodded slowly.  “Do you want me to do it or someone else?”

 

“N-no you can do it.  At least you’re familiar.  I know you won’t hurt me.  I guess we kinda have to do it soon.”  Nick seemed to steel himself, breathing deeply a couple of times before saying, “Okay I’m ready.”  Nick was familiar with the procedure as Grissom went over his body checking for fibers, hair anything that might lead them to the perps.  Grissom was amazed at Nick’s fortitude.  He just lay there breathing deeply and exhaling slowly, controlling his body’s response’s to Grissom’s touch.  That was until Grissom got to the actual rape part of the examine.  Nick’s breathing sped up and his whole body tensed.  Grissom just put a comforting hand on his leg and gave a few minutes to breath.  It seemed to help and Nick’s body slowly loosened and Grissom continued with the examine, while inside he was screaming about even having to perform one.

 

“Okay we’re done.”  Nick breathed a sigh of relief.  “Look Nick I have to get these samples back to the lab and talk to Brass,  is there anyone you want me to call?  Your parents maybe?”

 

Nick shook his head.  “You can call them if you want, but you’re just wasting your time.”

 

“What about someone in town?”  Nick shook his head no.

 

“But if I’m in here overnight could someone go by my place and feed  Thoreau and Spears?”

 

“Who?  My dog, his name is Thoreau and Spears, but I usually call him T.S. for short.”

 

“I didn’t know you had a dog.”

 

Nick looked up a Grissom, an unreadable expression on his face.  “There’s a lot about me you don’t know.”

 

“Well anyway I’ll be back later to check on you okay?”

 

Nick just nodded.  As Grissom was reaching for the door Nick spoke up, practically shouting, “wait!  I, uh, could you stay” Nick’s eyes were down cast, ashamed for showing weakness, “just for a little while until I fall asleep?”

 

Grissom’s heart softened looking at the forlorn young man on the bed, “of course I can.”  And they sat in companionable silence until Nick drifted off to sleep.

 

7777777777

 

While Nick was sleeping Grissom made preparations.  Taking Nick’s clothes for analysis and his keys to retrieve his car, Grissom headed to the lab to drop the stuff off and tell Brass who their vic was.  Grissom went over to Nick’s place and checked on T.S., grabbed some spare clothes and locked the place up.  When Grissom returned to the hospital he filled out Nick’s paperwork based off his personal file and then checked Nick out.  Approaching Nick’s room nervousness began to build in him.  He hadn’t felt this nervous in years.  Grissom poked his head in and found that Nick was awake and watching tv.  “Nick hey, I came to spring you.”  Grissom held up the bag containing Nick’s clothes.

 

“Oh thank you God!  I thought I’d never get out of here.”  Nick hurried to put on the clothes, but moved a bit more slowly when he reached a little too far and jarred his ribs.  Grissom leaned over and helped him get dressed, painfully aware of the bruises on Nick’s body.  “Grissom you’ve really been great about this, thanks.”

 

“Nick I just wish that I could do more.”

 

“You’ve done more then enough, hell sitting there waiting for me to wake up is more ‘en most would do.”  Grissom’s heart broke a little at this.

 

“No Nick this is the least I could do.  I hope you don’t mind the fact that I got your keys and grabbed you some clothes.  I also checked on T.S. and he’s fine, he plenty of water and food.”

 

“Thank you.”  Nick looked at his feet, he didn’t want Grissom to see him crying.

 

“Nick?  Nick, what is it?”  Grissom was worried, Nick had been doing so well.

 

“It’s nothing, or well something, it’s just I can’t figure out why you’re doing all this for me.”

 

Grissom blinked in surprise, “Nick I’m doing it because you’re my friend and you need help.  Okay?”

 

Nick nodded blinking, “okay.”

 

777777777

 

The ride was filled with silence and Nick quickly fell asleep with the rhythm of the car.  Grissom gently shook Nick and Nick jumped back startled, pressed against the door his eyes wide with fear.  “Nick, it’s okay, we’re here.  It’s okay it’s just me.”  Nick slowly relaxed and looked around, startled.

 

“This is work.”  He blinked in surprise.  “Grissom I don’t think I should process evidence, I’m not even allowed to drive on this medication.”

 

“You’re not here to process evidence, I am.  I didn’t want you to be alone,” Nick glanced away.  “It’s not because I think less of you, it’s because I don’t think I would want to be alone after an attack like that either.  I figured you could crash on the couch in the break room until the end of my shift okay?”

 

Nick nodded slowly processing Grissom’s words, “Yeah, that would be good, thanks.”

 

When they got to the break room it was empty.  Nick carefully lay on the couch, “ribs hurting you?”

 

Nick nodded, “not to mention my head.”  Grissom handed him a glass of water and two pills.  Nick lifted an eyebrow in question.

 

“Pain pill and an antiboditic.”  Nick nodded and swallowed.  Grissom stayed with Nick until he feel asleep which wasn’t long considering the pain medication.  Grissom was leaving the break room when he ran into Sara entering.  He pulled Sara out into the hall, “be quite when you go in okay?  Nick’s asleep on the couch.”

 

“Wow his excuse must’ve been good if you’re letting him sleep on his shift.”

 

Surprise colored Grissom’s voice, “you mean Brass didn’t tell you?”

 

“Tell me what?”  Sara looked at Grissom more closely, “what should Brass have told me?”

 

Grissom’s eyes darted to the lounge, “Nick was the victim.”

 

“WHA-“ Grissom clapped a hand over her mouth hoping she hadn’t already woken Nick.  He brought his hand slowly down.  Sara had gotten the point and kept her voice suitably lowered.  “What do you mean Nick is the victim?”

 

Grissom sighed looking world-weary, “Just that, he didn’t show up from the page because he was in the hospital.”

 

“God.  Is he okay?”

 

“Physically?  Maybe, depends on if the perps had any sexually transmitted diseases.  Mentally, he’s doing better then I would have been.  I don’t know how he does it.”

 

“Okay,” Sara could see that Grissom was really disturbed about this, “we’ll find who did this Grissom, and we’ll make sure that they never hurt Nick again.  In the mean time, you might want to put up a sign on the door letting people know before they enter.  I’m gonna go back and finish processing his clothes, nothing unusual so far, just regular fiber and hair.”

 

“Yeah we have to keep processing.  You guys have done really good while I wasn’t here.”

 

777777777777

 

Several hours later found them with a DNA match from a local gang member.  They brought him in for questioning where he sang like and bird, placing several other gang members at the scene.  They had all been arrested and blood samples taken.  None of them had an STD and two were DNA matches from the samples taken.  They were all going to prison for a very long time and never had Grissom been so happy to see the end of case wrapped up so quickly.

 

He was plodding back to the break room to tell Nick the news and take him home.  It was past time for them to leave.  When he got there Catherine was reading the sign he had put up per Sara, “Hey Griss, what’s up with the sign?”

 

“Seems pretty self-explanatory to me, Nick’s asleep in the lounge.”

 

“And, you’re going to let that go?”

 

Grissom stared at Catherine in shock, “He was raped, so yeah I don’t expect him to work.”

 

“That was years ago, don’t you think he would want us to treat him normal?”

 

“Years ago?  What are you talking about?”

 

Catherine’s eyes widened, “what are you talking about?”

 

“You first.”

 

“Nick, he told me that he was molested by a last minute baby-sitter when he was nine.  Now what are you talking about?”

 

“Nick he was the vic that Warrick, Sara, and I have been processing.”

 

“The gang rape?  That was Nick?  Oh my God!  How is he?”

 

“Surprisingly good, actually.  He’s been taking everything in stride.  He’s a lot stronger then I am.”

 

They walked into the lounge together, where Nick was pulling on his shoes.  “Hey I heard ya’ll out there and figured it was about time to go.  Catherine.”  He nodded to Catherine as the walked out the door with Grissom on his heels.  If Catherine hadn’t known any better it was just a usual day for Nick.

Grissom pulled in and parked next to Nick’s car.  “How did you get my car here?”

 

“I had one of Brass’s people drop it off.  Hope you don’t mind.”

 

Nick shook his head, “No of course not.  If it had been left there it’d be nothing but scrap metal by now.”  Grissom went around grabbing a bag out of the back, then helping Nick out of the passenger seat.  “You know it is okay for you to leave, I’ll be fine by myself.”

 

“Well for one, I still have your keys and for another, I have a bag packed,” Grissom held up the generic gym bag, “I thought I might crash on your couch.”

 

Nick eyed Grissom, seemed to search his eyes, whatever he saw seemed to make him happy because he nodded and said, “yeah okay, but why don’t you just use the bed in the second bedroom?”

 

“Well, I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”

 

“Staying in my second bedroom is presumptuous, but sleeping on my couch isn’t?”

 

“Ah the insanity of modern society.”

 

“Yeah you can say that again.”  As Grissom moved to unlock the door he heard scratching, indicating T.S. was waiting for the door to open.  He glanced worriedly at Nick.

 

“You might want to brace yourself, T.S. sounds a little eager.”  Nick just waved him off so Grissom shrugged and opened the door, and of course T.S. came bolting out.  Grissom was quite shocked when Nick made the sign for down and T.S. dropped onto his belly right there and crawled toward Nick.  Nick bent down and showered love on T.S. for following his instructions.  Grissom was starting to realize that there was a lot more to Nick then anyone had thought.  “Would you like some breakfast?  I don’t know about you but I’m starving.”

 

“Nah, I’m not that hungry.  I think I’ll just have a cup of tea.”  Nick moved toward the kitchen, but Grissom stopped him with a hand on his chest.

 

“Go sit down in the living room, I’ll make you the tea.”

 

“Grissom, man, you don’t have to do that this is my house and you’re a guest here.”

 

“Nicky, I’m staying here to help out, you went through something very traumatic, not to mention the only reason the doctors let you out of the hospital is because I assured them you wouldn’t be alone.  Now go sit in the living room.”

 

“Okay Grissom have it your way.”

 

“Well if that’s the case, maybe you could call me Gil, at least when we’re not on duty.”

 

“Yeah okay.”

 

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A few minutes later found Nick sitting on the sofa with a mug of tea scratching T.S..  Grissom was seated in the chair beside the sofa, eating of all things Fruit Loops.  “You know I just didn’t have you pegged as a Fruit Loops man.”

 

Grissom blinked at him, “what did you think I ate?”

 

“Cheerios or Frosted Flakes.”

 

“That’s pretty specific.  Do you think about what kind of cereal everyone on the team eats?”

 

Nick shrugged, “maybe”.

 

“So…Warrick?”

 

“Wheaties.”

 

“Catherine?”

 

“Special K.”

 

“Greg?”

 

“Count Chocula.”

 

“Sara?”

 

“Coffee.”

 

“That’s not a cereal.”

 

Nick just shrugged, “She didn’t strike me as a cereal person.”

 

“Okay, so what about Ecklie?”

 

Nick made a face, “Eggs and bacon, there’s no way that man eats cereal.”

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“Because he defiantly doesn’t have enough fiber in his diet.” 

 

After the laughter had died off Grissom asked a question that had been bugging him since the porch.  “Nick do you know sign language?”

 

“Yeah I do.  How’d you know that?”

 

“That signal you used on T.S., it was sign language.  I didn’t know if you just used it to train your dog or if you really knew it.”

 

“Oh yeah I know it, actually feels like English is a second language.”

 

“Really?  You grew up signing?”

 

“Yeah.  See, I’m the youngest by about 5 years.  I’m kinda unplanned.”  He grinned ruefully at the thought.  “After my youngest sister started school my mom decided to work full time rather then part time.  She had just been offered this great promotion as a full time DA then there I come.  She arranged to start working the job after I was born and have her father watch me.  Well, Grandpa had been going back to school to get his teaching degree after he retired.  And he did get it right around the time I was one.  He immediately got a job offer at, The Regional School for the Hearing Impaired in Fort Worth he was deaf ya know, and he made arrangements to take me with him and between driving time and the hours he worked, I basically grew up not speaking English, I mean I my socialization was with people that couldn’t hear or if they could spoke in sign language.”

 

“What happened when you started Kindergarten?”

 

“Well I had already made friend at the school, so I asked to attend school there, my parents too busy to really notice much of anything said okay and I went to a school for deaf kids until I was 8.”

 

Grissom was completely enthralled in Nick’s tale.  He had no idea that Nick had these kind of hidden depths.  He had always just assumed, and it seems unfairly, that Nick had had an unremarkable childhood.  “Why did you change schools at eight?”

 

“My Grandfather and I were driving back from school one day when we got broad sided by a 18-wheeler.  The driver had fallen asleep at the wheel and ran a red light.  I had been in the back seat asleep and wasn’t wearing my seat belt.  Because I wasn’t I rolled to the floor and under the seat.  It saved my life actually.  Imagine that, not wearing a seat belt and it being a good thing.”  Nick sobered quickly though.  “my Grandfather wasn’t so lucky.  He was killed almost instantly.  And that was why I had to start public schools.  It was funny but without my Grandfather around no one needed to sign.  I mean I had just been in this accident, my Grandfather was dead and everyone was communicating in a way that I couldn’t understand.  I think that’s when my parents realized there was a problem.  I just walked up to them one day and signed, ‘momma why don’t talk?’  First she tried to say it then she said it in sign language.  It just dawned on them that I only understood a few words of English.  They still enrolled me in 3 rd grade but they started intensively teaching me how to speak after that.  It’s pretty funny but most everyone there thought I was stupid.  My written English was fine, but my small vocabulary and my tendency to phrase things like I would if I was signing them marked me as retarded.  I didn’t manage to change that image until I was in high school.  I missed signing though, so when I got T.S. I decided to train him using signs rather than words.”  Nick let out a hugh jaw cracking yawn.  “Wow I feel so tired, but it seems like all I do is sleep.”

 

“Your body needs time to recover, not to mention the medication can really wipe a person out.  Speaking of medication it’s time for yours.  Then I think we should both get some sleep.”

Nick and Gil’s sleep was interrupted by several nightmares, surprisingly not all of them were from Nick.  Dinner time found them sitting around the table eating a re-heated lasagna.  “Nick, wow, this is really good!  Why haven’t you eaten it before now?”

 

“It’s pretty simple Gr-Gil, during the week I’m usually too tired or too busy to make anything involving, so on my day off I fix a bunch of food so all I have to do is re-heat.  We can have the chili next.  One of these days I’m gonna hafta bring some in for Sara.”

 

“Sara?  She’s a vegetarian isn’t she?”

 

“That’s why, its vegetarian.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Look, Gil, you really don’t have to baby-sit me.  Not that I don’t appreciate having someone here, I do, but you’re entitled to your own life.”

 

“Nick I hate to break it to you but I have no life.  Today is actually my day off you know.  Haven’t taken it in ages, I was thinking I would today though.”

 

“Gr- I mean Gil, you should go into work if you want to.”

 

“See that’s just it Nicky.  I don’t want to.  I think I’d rather hang out here with my friend.”

 

They spent the rest of the meal in companionable silence with the dishes from dinner being cleaned and put up quickly and efficiently.  There was little need for talking as the two coordinated around each other like they had all the times before at crime scenes.  Eventually they found themselves sipping coffee in the living room.  This time is Gil scratching T.S.  “So, Gil, I talked about myself a lot last night.  Maybe you could share a story from your past?”

 

Gil debated within himself.  Was Nick, trustworthy?  Yes, of course, but could he burden his friend with his own problems?  “My mother is deaf.”  Nick blinked in shock, all that talk of sign language last night and that never came up?  ~Well, the evidence was there, Grissom recognized the sign I used so he must have known some.~  Not wanting to interrupt  Nick just inclines his head hoping Gil will continue.  “She wasn’t always, but she started losing it when I was 6.  We both took sign language classes together.  When I was 8 she had completely lost her hearing.  I remember going shopping with her so I could interpret.  I knew there was a chance it would happen to me and it’s been hard to accept, but I’m slowly going deaf, just like my mom.”  Gil fell silent at this.  There really wasn’t much left to be said.

 

Nick stood up and shooed T.S. off from beside Grissom and sat down next to him, saying nothing.  ~It was there the whole time.  We just didn’t see it.  The court room, not hearing Sara that time, it really isn’t that surprising.~  “Gil, I know that it’s not the same, but having lived like a deaf person for years and not even realizing it, it’s only a handicap if you make it one.  I know that reading witnesses and suspects is an important part of the job, but really something could be worked out.  Even deaf, mute and blind you’d still probably be the best investigator they have.”

 

For no reason that Gil could think of, it was comforting.  Unburdening himself to someone that could possibly comprehend what it was like, and having them support him.  It seemed unreal.  He never had been very good with people.  It seemed like Nick was changing all that.

 

“So, are you up for a game of Scrabble?”  Nick asked grinning like a manic and seeming like Gil hadn’t just revealed the biggest secret in his life.

 

“Oh I wouldn’t be so eager to play, because I do happen to play a mean game of Scrabble.”

 

77777777777

 

Over at CSI lounge  the night shift converged, missing two members.  “Okay people, since Grissom actually took his day off and Nick’s out on leave I’m in charge and we’re going to have to work extra hard to make up for the slack.  Fortunately it’s been a slow night so far and we only have a B & E.  Warrick and Sara I want you to take it.  I’m going to stay here, if I need you for a call I’ll page you okay?  Now that business it out of the way.  I was thinking, after shift we might want to get together and visit Nick and Grissom.  Grissom already called and said that he was staying over at Nick’s.”  A grin spread across Catherine’s face, “last I heard Nick was kicking his butt at Scrabble.”  They all grinned at that and nodded their heads in agreement to the plan before dispersing on their assignments.

 

They spent the night collecting evidence processing the crime scenes that came up, but their hearts weren’t in it.  With one of their own out of commission they just couldn’t fall into the cases like they did before.  They were all grateful for the shift change and to find themselves ringing the door bell to Nick’s house.

 

No one was quite sure what they were expecting, but a smiling Nick answering the door wasn’t one of them.  “Hey guys!  C’mon in!  I’m just re-heating some chili and cooking some rice while Gil tries to rescue his score in Scrabble.” 

 

The group on the porch exchanged surprised glances before entering the house.  “Yeah we heard you were beating him,” Sara said.

 

Nick snorts ineloquently, “yeah, but that was like three games ago.  I keep beating him but he just won’t give up.”

 

“Three games?  Wo-” Warrick was interrupted when T.S. came running in barking his head off and growling at the group.

 

Singing Nick said, ‘down T.S. down’.  “Here he has to meet you.  Warrick give me your hand.”  Nick extended Warrick’s in front of T.S.’s nose and signed ‘friend’ he proceeded to do the same with Sara and Catherine and just like that T.S. went from viscous to friendly.

 

“Wow, you trained your dog really well.  That’s amazing how you did that.”  Sara backed away little though, in fear, not really comfortable around large dogs.  “So what’s his name?”

 

“Thoreau and Spears, T.S. for short.”  Nick bent down, wincing a little at the pain in his ribs to scratch T.S.

 

 “That’s an unusual name.”

 

Gil walked over from the table.  “Why did you name your dog that?  Oh and it’s your turn.”

 

Nick walked over to the board to study it while he spoke, “I named him after my favorite authors, Henry David Thoreau, Shakespeare and T.S. Elliot.”  He busily rearranged the tiles in front of him to find a good word.  “Ah ha!  It’s the perfect word, man Gil you set this up for me beautifully.  Not only do I get triple word score, I also get 50 points for using all my letters!”

 

The group walked over to see this perfect word, “Didactic?  What does that mean?  For that matter what about cygnet?  This is the most bizarre Scrabble board I’ve ever seen.”

 

Nick drew more letters out of the bag while answering, “Didactic means intended to instruct, morally instructive or inclined to teach excessively.  Gil,” Nick stressed the word hinting that it applied to Gil himself, “came up with the other one but I still know what it means, it’s a swan hatchling.”  Nick reached into the bag for more letters to find there wasn’t any more.  “Well you guys have pretty good timing.  The game’s almost over, we’re out of replacement letters.  I’m going to go check on the chili, you guys are welcome to stay for breakfast if you want.”  With that Nick left the room.

 

“Hey, Gil,” Catherine stressed the word having picked up on Nick’s use of it, “are you letting him win?”

 

Gil looked up distracted by the board in front of him.  “Letting him?  I’m doing my very best and he’s still beating me!”

 

Nick’s voice called out from the kitchen, “that’s because all you know are long, fancy words.  The secret to Scrabble is short point filled words.”  Nick came back out and the game quickly rapped up and he, of course, won.  So the crew of CSI nightshift found themselves sitting around Nick’s kitchen table eating vegetarian chili and talking.  Currently Nick was telling them a story from when he was on the force.  “So there I was in the ER with a concussion and I wake up with the doctor’s standing over me.  First thing he asks, ‘How many fingers am I holding up?’” Nick holds up his hand demonstrating the number of fingers, three, he’s barely controlling his laughter.  “So they’re all worried about serious head injury because I keep saying W.”  At this he bursts out laughing hugh gales with ow’s in between.  Oddly enough Grissom was laughing right along with him. 

 

Eventually the two calmed down, “I can’t believe you told them W!”

 

“It was so funny how the doctor stared at me then at his hand, he was so puzzled!”

 

Sara, Warrick and Catherine all exchanged worried glances, with Catherine finally speaking up, “not to sound obtuse or anything, but what’s so funny?”

 

Nick took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself and then explained, “See in sign language three,” he held up his right hand with the thumb, index and middle fingers held out, “is this and,” he held up his left hand with index, middle and ring fingers out, “is W in sign language.”

 

Light dawned on the faces around the table.  Not that any of them laughed, some how they couldn’t see the humor in it.  After the dishes were done the group found themselves in the living room sipping coffee.

 

“So, Nick, this place has really changed.”  Sara said by way of conversation starter.

 

“Oh yeah after Nigel I had to redo a bunch of stuff.  Reupholstered a lot of furniture, re-painted the walls, sanitized everything.  Just reclaiming my territory, I guess.  That’s one of the reasons I got T.S.  I felt better knowing that he was here in the daytime and that if someone were in my house now he would probably know it.”  He reached down and scratched T.S.  Sara stared a little guiltily at Nick, feeling bad about bringing up such bad memories at time like this.  Nick took in all their expressions and sighed almost wearily.  “Look, I know you guys are worried about me, and you have good cause, but I’m really okay.  Sure I’ll have a few nightmares, be a little jittery for awhile.  I’ll defiantly have to up my appointments with my psychologist, but you know me I’ll be okay in the end.”  Nick got up and walked them to the door, “I really appreciate the concern, it means a lot that I have friends like you guys to take care of me.”  Hugs were passed around and to the people on the porch it seemed like no time had passed at all.

 

Warrick turned to the two ladies, “did you guys know the was seeing a psychologist?”

Nick turned back to Gil after closing the front door.  “I didn’t know that you were seeing a psychologist.”

 

Nick grinned at him hiding nothing, “I don’t advertise it if that’s what you mean but I’m not ashamed that I do, well at least not anymore.”

 

“When did you start?  After Nigel?”  Gil didn’t want to let on that he knew about the babysitter, there would be time for that later.

 

Nick shook his head, practically laughing at Gil, “no I’ve been seeing a psychologist off and on since I was a sophomore in college.”

 

“What!?!  But why, I mean, what would have happened for you to have needed one that long?”  Gil was in shock, Nick had been seeing a psychologist for years?  Some how that seemed wrong.

 

Nick sat on the couch, staring at his hands, obviously deep in thought.  Quietly, almost too quiet for Gil to hear, and he was quite sure Nick knew that, he said “Promise you won’t get upset?  ‘Cause I don’t think I can tell you this and take it if you freak out.”

 

Gil knew that this was important to Nick, that he needed to get this off his chest, “I promise not to ‘freak out’.” He made a face at the words.

 

Nick nodded slowly and just sat there, breathing in, breathing out.  Then he just blurted, “I’m gay!” and cringed back from Gil obviously afraid of his reaction. 

 

Gil’s heart hurt just looking at him, “Oh, Nicky, just because you were raped doesn’t make you gay.”  Gil looked at him worriedly as Nick doubled over, shaking.  He sat down beside him, but scooted back a little when Nick sat up.  It was then that he realized Nick wasn’t crying he was laughing!  “Nick?  Nick, what’s going on?”

 

“Gil,” he sort of chortled-Gil wasn’t sure how to classify it, “I’ve known since college.”

 

“Oh.”  There really didn’t seem to be anything else to say.  “Is that why you started seeing a psychologist?”

 

Nick looked up at him, “no, well in a way yes, except no.”  Now Gil was heartily confused.

 

“What?”  Nick just looked at him and sighed.

 

“I guess it’s time for another one of those long tedious talks.  After this you are sharing some deep dark secret from your past, okay?”  Gil nodded yes not wishing to interrupt.  “I probably should have figured it out earlier, but well,” Nick shrugged, “I think I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.  So I was completely startled when my roommate pulled me off to the side and kissed me.  Shoulda known right then that I was gay.  I mean that one kiss was hotter then any kisses I’d ever had with a girl.  He explained to me how I kept giving him mixed signals and I was startled enough to listen.  He didn’t pressure me to do anything and we really just ended up friend but he helped me realize a very important part of myself.  When I went home for Thanksgiving I decided to tell my family.  I knew it would shock them, just like it shocked me, but I thought they should know and that they would get over it.  They were appalled.  My older brother Ben is a preacher, his words still haunt me, ‘I hope you get aids and die like all the other faggots!’”  Gil was shocked that they could do this to someone who’s very nature was as good as Nick’s.  He seemed so full of pain about it too.  “My father wasn’t much better, he threw me out and said I was no longer his son.  I wasn’t welcome in his house ever again.  I tried all forms of contact and they turned them all away.  Letters, phone calls, e-mails, anything I sent got sent back un-opened.  I figured after that experience of coming out then well coming out to people I didn’t know would be a cake walk.  Boy was I wrong.  I left the fraternity for one thing, I hadn’t really wanted to do it in the first place, but it made my father happy.  There were a few hate crimes, no big deal, but the crowning moment was achieved when I got jumped coming out of the library at one in the morning.”  Nick paused in his story to get a glass of water, his mouth had suddenly gone dry.

 

“I really don’t remember much about the attack, but I do remember waking up in the hospital in the worst pain I can ever remember.  Turns out I spent six weeks in a coma.  When I woke up I had a plate in my skull, my jaw was wired shut so it could heal, my ribs were busted, my ankle shot and my family knew what had happened and still hadn’t come.  It didn’t help to that the doctors suspect object rape.  I think I might have woken up once or twice during the attack and blocked it out.  I still get flashes sometimes.  Even that wasn’t enough to get me to see a psychologist.  I had to wait awhile.  I put so much effort into walking again.  The doctors weren’t even sure that I’d have full use of my ankle.  I funneled all my energy, fear and anger into getting one hundred percent better.  It took almost a year.  It was almost a shock to find myself with a completely clean bill of health.  That’s when the nightmares started.  It seemed like I never got any sleep, I lost my appetite and dropped weight entirely too fast.  I got so severely depressed that I thought about suicide.  I lived in constant fear that so attack like that would happen again.  I realized that I had reached rock bottom one night when I found myself sitting on the floor in my dorm room with a scalpel and an anatomy book trying to figure out the best way to slit my wrists.  It just dawned on me that I was letting them win.  So I closed the book and went down to the ER.  I asked to talk to someone, they set me up with someone and I started to open up.  Since then I’ve always found one I’ve liked where ever I go seen them occasionally.  I figured that if I worked hard enough to get full use of my ankle back when the doctors said I couldn’t that I could work to get my psyche back.”

 

Gil sat in shock.  He truly was at a loss for words.  Nick seemed to pick up on this and said, “you aren’t mad that I didn’t tell you are you?  Because I wanted too.  I hate lying.”

 

“Oh, no Nick I’m not mad.  It’s” Gil waved his hand about indicating his loss for words, “a lot to take in.”  Something inside Gil seemed to harden, a resolve that he maybe didn’t even realize he had, “you are an incredibly strong person.  I don’t know that could have done the things you did, recovered like that.  But what I don’t understand is why you’ve told me this.  I mean you could have shared this with anybody, why me?”

 

Nick smirked at him, “Oh I had a very good reason.  I like you.  I find you attractive and I think we would work well together.  I wasn’t sure if you would reciprocate but I thought it was worth a shot.  I was kinda crossing my fingers that you would be open minded enough to not be mad even if nothing came from it.  Been thinking about it for a while and it just seemed like the right time.”

 

Gil nodded in thought, “yes I guess it has been a time for sharing.”

 

Nick winced, “if you break into some kind of sharing is caring song then there will be no chance of a romantic relationship.”

 

Gil chuckled, “not to worry I would never go that far, but as for a deep dark secret of mine, well I’d have to say it’s this: I’m a virgin.”

 

Nick stared, and blinked, “you’re a”

 

Grissom nodded, “virgin.”

 

“Well that is a surprise, but it isn’t that shocking, really.  Certainly explains why you’ve never wanted a life outside of CSI, you’ve probably never really had one.”

 

“Is it really that obvious?”

 

Nick shook his head.   “The virgin part: no, the having of no life: yes.  Have you never had sex because you don’t want to or because you never had the opportunity?”

 

“I’m pretty sure there have been opportunities in the past, but by the time I got it into my skull they had passed.  Not that I really cared one way or another.  Work was my life, my hobby, I socialized with coroners.  When I talked to other students the only thing I knew how to talk about is dead bodies, bugs, things that grossed them out.  A lot of them thought I did it on purpose, and easy way of telling them I was gay.  But I think I really started thinking of myself as asexual.”

 

Nick scooted up next to Gil, “well you’ve defiantly had some interesting experiences.  I don’t think we should rush into a relationship; we both need time to think.  But before I go to bed let me give you one more thing to think about.”  Nick came right into Gil’s personal space, making his intentions to kiss Gil obvious and kiss him he did.  First it was gentle and sweet, very soft.  A little more pressure and ~oh my God that’s Nick’s tongue in my mouth!~  Gil’s thought’s went down hill after that.  When Nick pulled back they were both breathless and flushed.  Nick leaned forward to place a quick chaste kiss on Gil’s lips before he stood up.  “Gil Grissom, you may be a virgin, but you sure don’t kiss like one.  Goodnight.”

 

Nick was out of the room by the time Gil had recovered.  Placing his hand over his mouth he smiled and said, “goodnight to you too.”

 

Gil was wholly unsurprised to find himself two hours later on Nick’s bed holding him as he cried out in his sleep.  He was surprised when Nick shot up and smacked his head up against Gil’s.  Which hurt like the dickens, it also stunned him enough to let go of Nick, which apparently was a good thing as he shot forward and ran to the bathroom, puking up the contents of his stomach.  Gil just rubbed his back waiting for the dry heaves to stop.  When they did Gil handed Nick a glass of water to help wash away the bile.  “Feeling better?”

 

“Yeah,” Nick ran a shaky hand over a pallid brow, “yeah I’m fine now.  Just a psychosomatic reaction to my dream, that’s all.”

 

“Nick, you don’t have to hide behind the terminology with me.”

 

Nick looked at him a bit perplexed, “I just didn’t want you to think that my concussion was getting worse, one of the symptoms of that is nausea.”

 

“Oh.”  Grissom looked a bit sheepish, “I hadn’t even thought of that.”  The two of them just sat on the floor in silence, each considering the same idea, one that neither had voiced.  Hesitantly Gil started to speak, “if it would help I could stay with you?  Try and keep the bad dreams away.”

 

Nick looked Gil in the eyes, wanting to say yes but not push, “are you sure?  I don’t – don’t want to push you into anything.”

 

Gil shook his head no, “no it’s okay, I think we’ll both sleep better this way.”  And he was right, while they both had nightmares, a few soothing words and physical comfort and they were both drifting off again.  So Nick was slightly surprised to find Grissom dressed and shaking him awake.

 

“Huh?  Whazzz?”  Nick half mumbled still asleep.  Gil held out his hands one with Nick’s pills and the other with a glass of water. 

 

While Nick was drinking Grissom explained, “you were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you, but I also didn’t want you to wake up with me not here.  I have to go into work now, but I’ll call later in the evening, to make sure everything is okay.”  Nick’s eyes were already sliding shut and Gil leaned down, planting a light kiss on Nick’s forehead.  Gil whispered as he walked out the bedroom door, “sleep well.”

 

Work had been pretty light lately, Grissom just prayed that it stayed that way for awhile.  His mind just wasn’t focusing on work as well as it used to be.  Most of the evening was spent catching up on paper work and processing old evidence for trial.  Grissom spend much of is time thinking over Nick’s idea.  ~Me in a relationship?  It just seems so odd.  But they did work well as friends and if the kiss was anything to go by….~  “What are you smiling about?”  Grissom straightened, hurriedly getting his mind out of the gutter, but unfortunately Catherine had already picked up on most of what was going on in his mind, just not who he was thinking about.  Seeing that Grissom wasn’t going to answer Catherine continued, “How’s Nick doing?”

 

Now in a safe topic of conversation, Nick’s health, not Nick himself, Grissom relaxed a bit, “He was sleeping when I left and fine when I called to check on him.  It’s so weird.  I mean so much has happened in the last 48 hours it feels like it’s been months.  I learned more about Nick in the last 2 days than in the last 2 years.  Oh that reminds me, Catherine what’s your favorite breakfast cereal?”

 

“Oh I guess it would be Special K.”

 

“Huh, well has Nick ever asked about your favorite cereal?”

 

“No,” Catherine shook her head, “not that I can remember.”

 

“Huh.”  Grissom turned back to his paperwork, when it was evident that Catherine wasn’t going to leave he looked up, “was there something else?”

 

“No, just, I don’t think I’ll ever figure you out.”

 

“If it makes you feel any better, I have yet to figure myself out.”

 

777777777777777777

 

When Gil arrived at Nick’s home T.S. was waiting at the door to him.  Nick himself was drowsing on the couch watching the morning news.  “Work was light huh?”  Gil raised an eyebrow at him, as eloquent as any question spoken.  Nick waved leisurely at the TV, “nothing on the news, therefore no crime scenes to investigate.”

 

Gil came in sat next to Nick on the couch handing him a cup of coffee and sipping from his own.  “I did a lot of thinking about things during work.  About you, about me, about us.  I decided,” Nick rapidly in drew a breath, Gil moved forward rapidly not wanting to prolong it, “I think we should go for it.”  All that in held air Nick had went out in a rush and a brilliant grin formed on his face.  “I decided that what ever happens I didn’t want to look back on this and regret not trying.  I want us to always be friends though.  Okay?”

 

Nick felt that if he smiled any harder his jaw would break, “Gil its way more than okay.”

 

The End