Title: The Truth of Hidden Secrets
Author: carinascott
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Warrick/Gil
Characters: Warrick Brown, Gil Grissom, Nick Stokes, Rachelle Brown (OFC), Nina Claiborne (OFC)
Rating: FRM
Summary: A case gets to Warrick, and he takes his frustration out on Gil. He is hiding a painful secret, has been hiding it for years. Can Warrick share his secret with Gil? Can Gil handle it?
Spoilers: All Seasons (just to be safe)
Warnings: angst
Author’s Notes: This is what happens when you tell your muses that they must concentrate on one fic for the entire month. For some reason (I choose insanity), I decided to do Nano this year. And the first 3 days were going great; got a lot written. But for the last 4 days? Bubkiss. Why? My muses are flapping about everything except what I want them to be in frenzy about. I figure that maybe if I give in a little, they will be kind in turn and give me something to work with for my Nano project. Hopefully. I hope you enjoy. Feedback, as always, is greatly appreciated.

Story Notes: Warrick’s job descriptions are courtesy of www.crimelab.nl.

~*~

“Dammit Nick, I don’t want to talk about it okay?”

“No, Rick it’s not okay. Not when you’re acting like this.”

“Acting how? Like I don’t want to talk about it? Good, cause I don’t!” and with that Warrick turned to walk out of the locker-room.

Not one to be put off by Warrick’s obvious dismissal, Nick followed his best friend to the parking lot. Turning to get in his Tahoe, Warrick saw that Nick was right behind him. “Can’t you take a hint Nick? I don’t – no, I’m not gonna talk about it, so let it go.”

“Fine, Warrick don’t talk to me about it. But you better talk about it to someone, namely Grissom. The way you have been acting ever since this case started, not to mention the way you blew up at him in his office today, you better talk to him. Or you are gonna lose the best thing that has ever happened to you.” With that last ominous message, Nick turned around, and stalked to his own vehicle. Whatever was going on with Warrick, was major and unfortunately Nick knew that he had no chance of getting Warrick to talk when he had made his mind up not to say one word. Hopefully, Gil could get through to his lover before whatever was eating at Warrick did irreparable damage to his career and his love life.

***********

Sighing, Warrick started the engine, and pulled out of the parking lot. He knew what Nick said was true, but he still didn’t want to talk about it. But he also knew that he wasn’t gonna have much of a choice, at least not if he intended on this relationship between him and Gil working out. When they finally committed to each other, they vowed that there would be no secrets. However, Warrick had kept one secret to himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Gil with this secret; no he trusted Gil with his life. But this secret, it was too painful, and talking about it just brought up painful memories that Warrick would rather be buried forever.

Pulling up to their condo, Warrick didn’t move to get out of the car. He just cut the engine and sat there staring towards their home. He could see that the light was on in their bedroom. So Gil was awake, as he had expected. He knew Gil was pissed, but more than that, he knew Gil was hurt. Warrick had no right to go off on him like that; he had only been trying to help. But at that moment, Warrick was too caught up in his past pain to care.

Getting out of the Tahoe, Warrick made his way up the sidewalk to their home slowly, dreading the argument that was destined to happen on the other side. Closing the door behind him quietly, he pulled off his jacket and hung it in the entryway closet. Walking into the room, he noticed that Gil had made a pot of chamomile team which meant he was trying to calm himself down before Warrick got home. Definitely not a good sign of things to come. Going up the stairs, Warrick prayed that by some miracle the tea had worked, and Gil was asleep. Walking into their bedroom, Warrick fully expected to see Gil there, but surprisingly he wasn’t. Toeing off his shoes, Warrick picked them up and placed them in the closet, before he put his gun and badge in the nightstand.

Exiting their bedroom, Warrick headed towards the study, knowing that Gil must be there. And sure enough, as he opened the door, he could see the salt and pepper curls of his lover’s hair as he sat behind his desk, reading over cases from work. Gil rarely bought work home anymore, unless the case was truly difficult, or he was upset. Since they hadn’t had a mind-bending case in a while, Warrick picked the later. As Gil looked up at him, piercing blue eyes freezing him down to his soul, Warrick knew his assumptions were correct.

“I’m sorry, Gil.”

Gil said nothing, just continued to read, as if Warrick hadn’t spoke.

“Did you hear me? I said I was sorry.”

Closing the file, Gil responded, “I heard you, Warrick. But I don’t know if it’s enough. What you did today is inexcusable. Luckily, the only witness to that scene was Nick, so I still have the respect of the lab. But I don’t know about this anymore. You obviously don’t respect me, and I obviously don’t know you; never really did according to you.”

“Gil, I was upset. I didn’t mean to do that at the lab, you do know me. And you I didn’t mean that. I was just angry.”

“No, Warrick, I don’t know that. I thought that I knew you, but you made it crystal clear today that I don’t.”

“Gil, please don’t be like this. I spoke out of anger. You do know me; know me better than anyone else ever has. Even better than--”

“Better than whom?”

“No one.”

Sighing, Gil got up from his desk. “Warrick I love you, I have loved you far longer than I have been able to admit. For whatever reason, you blew up at me today. I don’t know why, and I don’t think you can trust me enough to tell me, and I hate that. I don’t know how to fix this, and believe me; if I did I would try with everything in me to do that. But I can’t if you won’t let me in.”

“Gil, I do trust you, I trust you with everything. My heart, my life--”

“But not your secrets. Ricky, when we made the choice to commit to each other, we promised to share all of our secrets. All of them. Until today, I was certain that we had. But now I know that there is something you felt you couldn’t trust me with, and it hurts. I don’t know what that means for us, but--”

“She died.”

Stopping dead in his tracks towards the door, Gil turned around to look at his lover, noting the sadness in his voice and his eyes, “What? Who died?”

“My daughter.”

“Your…..your daughter?” Gil asked in confusion.

Sitting down heavily on the loveseat, Warrick rubbed his face with his hands, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall. “When I was a senior in college, I met this girl, her name was Nina. She was a year younger than me, a junior, and we hit it off immediately. We didn’t date, but she was my best friend. I could tell her things that I wouldn’t dare tell anyone else, and she didn’t judge me. Until I met you, I had never known anyone like that. Like most college students we experimented, partied, and dated, though we never dated each other. And after everything was said and done, it was just me and Nina. She was my best friend, I was hers, and nothing and no one could come between us.”

Sitting down next to his lover, still reeling from the bombshell Warrick had just dropped, Gil silently waited for him to continue. “One day, after a huge break up, Nina came to my apartment, bawling her eyes out. She told me that she had found her jerk boyfriend cheating on her when he was supposed to be working. So I let her in, and let her vent. She asked if I had anything to drink with alcohol in it. I told her yes, knowing exactly what she wanted to do. I didn’t think anything of it. She had helped me through my breakups the same way, getting plastered right along with me and suffering through the next day hangover with me too,” Warrick laughed as he shook his head at the memory.

“Sounds like a great friend,” Gil replied, prodding his lover to continue.

“Yeah she was. Anyway, for whatever reason, things were different that night. We ended up sleeping together, and had it not been for the fact that we were still naked and wrapped around each other in the morning, we probably would have assumed it was all a bad dream. To say we were shocked and embarrassed would be an understatement, but we knew it was just a one time thing, and we vowed never to get drunk like that again. As much as I loved her, I knew that we could only be friends, nothing more. She knew it too, and because of that, we were able to go on as before with out anything more than the initial embarrassment.”

“So what happened?”

“At first? Nothing. We went back to life as we did. She got over her jerk of a boyfriend, and we hung out together like before. We scoped out hot guys together.” Looking over at his lover, Warrick smiled at the obvious hint of jealousy in Gils’ eyes, “None of them were ever quite as hot as you though. I’m sure that Nina would’ve agreed.”

The smile that had formed on his face at the fact that Warrick could read him so well disappeared when he saw the intense sadness that graced his lover’s beautiful features. Grabbing his hand, squeezing gently, Gil asked, “What happened to Nina, Ricky.”

Clearing his throat, trying to ignore the way his voice cracked when he began to speak again, Warrick continued with his story. “About a month and a half after that night, Nina came to me again, crying. I thought it was that asshole ex of hers again, but she said she hadn’t spoken to him since that night. So I asked her what was wrong. She told me she was pregnant. I asked her if she was sure, and she said the doctor’s had confirmed it. She was late, but since it was only a few days she didn’t think anything of it, but went to the doctor to be sure. The doctor told her she was 6 weeks pregnant. She told me the baby was mine.

I asked her if she was sure, and she told me she was positive. She hadn’t slept with anyone since about a month before me. She said she had suspected her ex was cheating on her for a while before she caught him, so they hadn’t had sex the last month of their relationship. By this time she had calmed down a little bit, but she started up again when she told me that she was planning to have an abortion because she knew that I didn’t want a baby and she wasn’t ready to raise a child alone.

I was so shocked that it took me a minute to register what she had said. By the time I did, she was turning to leave. So I grabbed her arm to stop her. I told her that I wanted to raise my child, but the final decision was hers. She told me that I didn’t have to do the honorable thing just because she was crying. I hugged her and told her that I wasn’t proposing, just telling her that she wouldn’t be raising our child alone. She laughed, saying she wouldn’t marry me if I was the last person on earth; and then we laughed and hugged each other. She settled down, and we were up all night discussing names for the baby. We finally decided that if it was a boy we would name him Daniel, after her father, and if it was a girl, Rachelle, after my mother.”

“Beautiful names,” Gil replied noticing the look of joy that was on his lover’s face as he remembered that night.

“Yeah, we thought so. And the next nine months seemed to fly by. We rented an apartment together, 2 bedrooms, because although we loved each other, us sleeping together was a one time thing. But being that we were still in school, it was cheaper to get an apartment together. And with me working a second job, putting the crib in her room was just more convenient. When Nina finally went into labor, I was in panic mode. If it wasn’t for Darien, Nina’s brother, I probably would have crashed us into a ditch. But halfway to the hospital, both he and Nina begged me to pull over and let Darien drive. So he drove us there, and we finally got her into the labor and delivery room. I’m telling you Griss there is nothing on this earth better than holding a life you helped create in your arms. As I looked down at that little angel we had created, I knew my life was better because she was in it. I had never felt joy and fear as simultaneously as I did in that moment. I guess I should have paid a little more attention to the fear than the joy in the end.”

Not wanting to interrupt, Gil didn’t say anything, just continued to hold his lover’s hand tightly, knowing that whatever was coming was not good.

“Rachelle was about 6 months old, when some assholes broke into our house looking for money. They had confused us with the neighbors, as we only had about $500 dollars in our savings, and were living pretty much paycheck to paycheck. Anyway, like I said before I was working two jobs. A day job selling helicopter rides to over the Grand Canyon, and a second job working as a bell captain at the Sahara. It was my night off from the bell captain gig, but since we were saving up to move into a better place in a safer neighborhood, I decided to take some overtime I had been offered. And I regret that decision until this day. Anyway, they broke in, and Nina woke up when she heard a noise. Fearing for the baby, she hurried over to the crib. She made it just in time to get Rachelle before she woke up crying. Unfortunately, one of the burglars heard her, and came to check out the room. She tried to hurry to get the phone, but he hit her in the back of the head with his pistol, and she fell unconscious to the floor. Someone must have heard something, because I think they called the cops, and the burglars ran off.”

Taking a deep breath, Warrick continued, “Since it was a bad neighborhood, the cops weren’t there as fast as they should have been, at least not in my opinion. By the time they busted through the door, Nina had been unconscious for about ten minutes. That wouldn’t have been major, but when she fell,” at this point Warrick’s voice was cracking and his body was trembling with barely suppressed sobs. “When the robber hit her in the head she fell forward, and onto Rachelle, who was cradled in her arms. If the officers had gotten there quicker, she would have been fine, but because it took them so long, Rachelle had suffocated before they ever got there.”

“Oh Ricky, I’m so sorry,” Gil said pulling his sobbing lover to him. They sat like this for a long time, Gil cradling his lover, as Warrick’s cries subsided.

Sitting up, Warrick began to talk, “One of the neighbors that knew I worked nights as a bell captain, called the Sahara to let me know that Nina and Rachelle had been rushed to the hospital. When I finally got to the hospital, Darien, who worked as an intern at the hospital, told me what happened. He went to the morgue with me, so I could see my Rachelle. Gil, she looked like an angel, almost like she was asleep. But the bruising on her face proved that she wasn’t. At that point I believe I passed out because the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hallway outside the coroner’s office. Once they were certain I was okay, they wheeled me to Nina’s room. She was still sedated from the pain meds the doctors had given her, and I dreaded her waking up, knowing the news I had for her would be unbearable. When she opened her eyes, the first thing she asked about was Rachelle. One look at my face, and she knew Rachelle was gone. I will never forget that scream, it broke my heart. When she was finally calm enough to talk, I told her everything that happened. Well, almost everything. I tried to keep the detail about how Rachelle suffocated a secret as long as possible, but some uncaring nurse’s comments informed Nina of the horrible truth.

We went through the next few days in a fog, making funeral arrangements, holding the small service, watching as our daughter was lowered into the ground. The next few months were the worst, and as hard as it was for me, it was worse for Nina. The guilt was eating at her, and I did everything I could think of to help her. She was going to a shrink, taking antidepressants, but nothing was working. So when I came home to find that she had overdosed on a bottle of those same antidepressants that hadn’t done a damn thing for her, I wasn’t surprised. And when the coroner pronounced her dead, when I planned her funeral service, not even a year after Rachelle’s, I was numb. Even when the guys that tried to rob us were convicted, I didn’t care, I had nothing to care about. I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t feel the hurt or the anger at what had happened to my family. I bottled up my emotions and went on about my life, as if that part of my life was a figment of a demented imagination, and had never happened to me. And I was doing great.”

“Until today.”

“Yeah, until today. The case just got too personal for me. I mean, the guy killed his family, simply because his wife wanted a divorce. What kind of man does that? I would give everything to have my family back, and he just killed the people he was supposed to love and protect, without a backwards glance. I know we face inhumanity everyday, but I couldn’t take it anymore; especially not today.”

“What’s so different about today?”

“Today is Rachelle’s birthday. She would be about 13 now. I know I told you I had errands to run this morning, but really I went to visit her grave, put some fresh flowers out for her. I kept imagining how she would look, what she would like, you know, if she liked science and music like me, or if she was more like Nina, quiet and shy. She would probably look like Nina, same coloring and everything, same green eyes as me. We didn’t get a chance to do all the things that that sonofabitch just threw away with the pull of a trigger. And he was so smug about it. And as I sat there wanting to wipe that smug grin off his face, Rachelle and Nina’s faces just kept flashing before my eyes, Nina’s bloodcurdling scream mingling with his disgusting laugh. I knew I was about to lose it, and I guess you did too since you pulled me outta there before I did something that would have ruined the case. I understand why you did it Gil, I really do; it’s just at that time I didn’t care. I wasn’t seeing you, I was still stuck back 13 years ago, looking at the tombstones of my best friend and my child and anger that I never expressed back then just exploded all over you. I’m so sorry Gil.”

“Warrick, you don’t have to apologize. I understand why you acted like you did; I just wish you would have told me about all this. I would’ve been there for you Ricky.”

“I know Gil, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I trust you with everything that I am; please tell me you know that.”

“I do. I doubted it for a moment today, but I know I shouldn’t have. I trust you Ricky.”

“Good. I love you, and I would never intentionally keep things from you. But telling you this, about Rachelle and Nina, it was more about protecting me than not trusting you with my secret. Until today, I have never talked to anyone about them, and it hurts. It’s almost unbearable. I visit their graves each year one their birthdays and at Christmas, and those are the only times I even admit that they existed. I didn’t want to face that pain. But I’m glad that I can talk about this with you, and know that you will still be here.”

Kissing Warrick softly, Gil grabs both of Warrick’s hands, “Warrick, I love you so much. More than I ever thought. When you hurt, I hurt, and I can only help if I know what’s going on. I know that what you experienced is horrible; I can only imagine what you have gone through and are still going through. But I will be here in anyway you need me. If you just want to vent, I’m here. If you want me to hold you as you cry, you don’t even have to ask. And if you need a different type of distraction, I will gladly provide one.”

At that last statement, Warrick laughed a full belly laugh that warmed Gil’s heart. Pulling his lover to him for a deep kiss, Warrick smiled, “You know I love you. You would have made a great stepfather you know that?”

“You really think so?”

“No, I know so. You are a great man, and I know Nina would have loved you. You two would have probably been good friends, cohorts in crime. She was a devilish woman I tell you. All quiet and shy on the surface, but once you really got to know her, a real devil in disguise. In the best way of course. A lot like you, I think. And Rachelle, she would have had you wrapped around her little finger. Lord knows I was already there.”

“Sounds like she took after you. The wrapping me around her finger bit, I mean. I know you have me wrapped around your fingers already.”

“Maybe. I’ll have to test out these ‘powers’ you seem to think I have over you one day.”

“Don’t play coy. You just bat those beautiful green eyes of yours and I’m putty in your hands, and you know it.”

“I do not bat my eyes!”

“So you agree that I’m wrapped around your finger, don’t you?”

Smirking, Warrick bats his eyes playfully, “Didn’t say that.”

“I’m putty and you know it.”

“You’re right; I’ve got you so whipped.”

“And you know it,” Gil says as he and Warrick dissolve into laughter, breaking the tension Warrick’s confession had created. Breathing heavily, Warrick and Gil looked at each other, lost in the contentment of their love for one another. Kissing his lover quickly on the lips, Gil gets up, and pulls Warrick with him. “Come on, we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

“Gil, we have tomorrow off,” Warrick says as he wraps his arms around his lover’s waist, and they make their way to the bedroom, tangled together.

“Yep, but we have things to do.”

“I don’t recall us making plans. So, what are we doing?”

“Celebrating.”

“Celebrating what?”

As they enter the bedroom, Gil turns in his lover’s arm and looks up into his eyes. “Warrick, for the last 13 years you have kept the fact that you had a daughter secret from everyone that cares about you. I know you may not be ready to tell everyone about Rachelle and Nina, and you might never be. But I think it’s time you start creating some good memories to associate Rachelle’s life with, and tomorrow we are gonna do just that, starting with celebrating Rachelle’s birthday.”

Looking down at his lover, unashamed at the tears that fall from his eyes, “I love you so much Gil. You know exactly what I need, even if I don’t. Thank you, baby.”

Wiping the tears from Warrick’s cheeks, Gil smiles, “No need to, but you’re welcome. Now, let’s get to bed, we have a busy day ahead of us.”

“So what do you have planned?” Warrick asked as he climbed into bed behind his lover, snuggling up to him immediately.

“It’s a surprise, you’ll just have to wait and see.”

Pulling Gil closer to him, Warrick smiled, “Okay.” And for the first time, Warrick had a truly peaceful sleep.

Watching his lover, Gil smiled and kissed his temple. As he followed his lover to sleep, he felt a sudden calm fall over him. Had he been a spiritual man, he would have sworn that both Rachelle and Nina were hugging him in thanks. Snuggling closer to his lover, Gil smiled again; maybe in some regards he was.

THE END