Title: Is It Worth It
By: anmani
Pairing: Nick and Greg
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Summary: Greg has to deal with his own trauma before he can be there for Nick.
Warning/Spoiler: Set after Grave Danger.
Disclaimer: They belong to the CBS and not me

He kept asking himself if it was worth it.
Was it worth going over human remains day in and day out?
Was it worth interviewing suspects who spat in your face?
Was it worth giving up all social life?
Was it worth hiding all emotions?

The nightmare of looking for Nick had triggered his doubts about the way he currently lived his life. As he stood there at the gravesite watching Nick being dug out he realized that he hadn't really lived since a certain event. He had survived and carried on with his career; no more, no less.

30 years and he had nothing to show to the world.
No lover.
No partner.
No children.
No life.

The counselor he had seen after the lab explosion had warned him that severe traumatic events could trigger some heavy emotions, but no warning could have prepared him for this. He had an overwhelming need to prove his worth, but as what?
As a CSI?
As a lover?
As a father?

The ambulance drove off with a live Nick and he should have felt relieved, he should have felt happy. Instead he felt incomplete. It slowly dawned on him that what he missed in his life was a child. Until that moment he thought that ‘the biological clock' was something only certain women possessed. He shivered as more pieces fell into place in his ‘life puzzle'.

"Greg?!" Grissom penetrated his musings.

"Huh?" He got in the Tahoe and his mind wandered off again on its quest to find more things missing from his life. The baby-thing was fast becoming the center of it all and he decided to call in on adoption-agency as soon as possible. The art of finding a partner was another and far more tricky story, unless he would go for one of those mail order brides. But they had all recently seen what that could lead to.

"I'll drop by the hospital later." Grissom accepted his refusal to go with the rest to see Nick. There were a few things he needed to do for himself before he could do anything for anybody else. He left his car at the lab and walked off into the city. Every where he looked he saw happy mothers or fathers with their offspring. There also seemed to be an abundance of pregnant women hanging around town. After a few hours of walking nowhere special he passed an image of himself. It took his mind some seconds to register and remember that picture.

His old hairstylist had taken that photo back in early 2003. She had left town a few days later to get married and she had taken all his model-photos with her. He entered the salon and was immediately greeted by her.

"Gregory Sanders!" She left her current customer and jumped over to give him a big hug.

"Mette Mortensen!" He answered her hug and he felt a little better.

"Argh who has styled your hair baby?" She looked at his hair with disgust and he knew that he wasn't leaving without a proper makeover, and maybe that was what he needed.

"Nobody special. I gave up on it after you left my dear." It wasn't a complete lie, but it was a good way from the actual truth.

"Så er det godt jeg er tilbage hva'?" Her Danish was more fluent than his Norwegian and indeed he was glad that she was back.

"Jeg har savnet deg." He had really missed her and yet another piece fitted into his puzzle.

"Tag en stol derovre. Jeg kommer om lidt." He took the chair she offered and the herbal tea she always had on the pot. As he sat waiting for his turn he watched her with the scrutiny of a CSI and what he saw displeased him. She looked thin and aged, her skin had that creepy parchment look and even a thick layer of makeup couldn't conceal the bags under her eyes.

"Right Greg, I am all yours now. Anything special or do I get to choose?" She had switched to Oxford English, something he had only heard her do once before and that was when she had been mugged.

"Make it wild like in the old days and tell me why you look sadder than me right now." They had always had a special connection and had often spilled their sorrows to each other.

"Han var en idiot." She massaged the shampoo into his scalp as she started to tell him about the guy who was obviously now her ex-husband. He relaxed into the massage and listened to her sad experience of marriage. She had found this redneck from Mississippi and he had charmed her off her feet.

They had married after six months and she had gotten pregnant shortly after and he had insisted that they'd move back to Mississippi. Like most blokes he had been perfect while she was pregnant, but two months after the birth there was no more Mr. Nice Guy. He had abused her verbally to begin with and finally he had hit her. By then their little daughter was 9 months old and she had walked out the door and reported him to the police and got a divorce faster than normal because of the abuse.

"You know what the worst thing is?" Her sad eyes caught his in the mirror.

"No, can it get any worse?" He was beginning to regret that he offered a shoulder.

"I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant… and it's his." She sighed and he got the crazy idea of adopting her child.

"And the sad truth is that I'm not really good mother material." He vaguely remembered what she had told about her own childhood and all the let downs she had suffered in those years.

"My biological clock went off today." She spun him round and stared at him.

"Mine never did. So what are you going to do about it?" She spun him back and continued with his hair.

"Adopt, cause I don't have a woman to help me." He had told her about his crush for a certain man ages ago.

"Did you ever do anything about that hot Texan?" She had an amazing memory and her question made another few pieces fall into place.

"No and things went kind of bad for him, he…" He couldn't put the nightmare into words yet.

"Was it him they spoke about this morning on the radio?" She should have been a CSI.

He nodded still at a loss for words.

"Vil du have mine unger?" Her proposition shocked him and it couldn't be that simple, could it?

"Do you mean that I can adopt your daughter and the baby you're expecting?" He felt both hot and cold all over at the same time.

"Yes. I can't cope anymore. Besides I need a fresh start and I wasn't ready for children and you will be so much better than me." Tears trickled quietly down her cheeks as she spoke and he got that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Er du helt sikker?" It was too convenient, it was too easy and too much of a coincidence.

"Definitely. Let's call in the lawyers." She was now cutting his freshly dyed hair and the whole situation had a very surreal feeling. He got out his cell and started searching for the law firm that had helped in a neighbor dispute, remembering that they also did all kind of family law.

Four hours later he left the salon with the 10 month old baby in a pram and the stack of papers that the lawyers had produced in record time. He was now a father, except for a few official stamps. The baby-girl had just smiled when Mette's friend had brought her over and handed her to him.

"Louise Olivia Mortensen Sanders." He kept repeating her name like a mantra. The baby just looked at him and made funny little baby sounds.

He headed towards Desert Palms out of pure instinct and only a loud scream from the baby made him stop at a baby supply shop. The price on diapers and all the other paraphernalia that was absolutely necessary shocked him deeply. Mette had given him all the stuff she had for the baby and a very comprehensive baby-book, but there were a few things missing according to the book. When he left the baby shop he was beginning to seriously doubt his abilities as a parent, but one smile from the baby made it all worth it.

"Nicholas Stokes, please." The receptionist directed him to the right ward, while she eyed the baby. Getting into the lift with the pram was clumsy work and he had a hard time reaching the button to the right floor. At the ward he was met by a front desk nurse.

"Who are you here for?" She reminded him of a guard dog, because of her no nonsense attitude.

"Eh, Nicholas Stokes. I'm Greg Sanders." She eyed him suspiciously.

"Full name." She looked down on what appeared to be a check list.

"Gregory Hojem Sanders, CSI level 1, Las Vegas Crime Lab." She showed him to Nick's room and told him that only Grissom was in there with Nick at the moment.

After the problems with the lift he found out that backing through doors with the pram was the easiest and so he backed into Nick's room. Nick was the only patient in there though the room was big enough for three at least. Grissom was sitting on a chair next to the bed. The headrest of the bed was elevated and Nick was laying on his side, much the same way he had after the explosion. The heart monitor's steady beep told him that Nick was sleeping and Grissom must have been too, because his boss took his time acknowledging his presence.

Grissom stared at first the pram, then him, then his hair and then Nick.

"Explain!"

"Since the lab blew up I've only focused on becoming a CSI and I forgot to live. This whole ordeal send me into serious doubts about my choices and my biological clock went off. So I decided to adopt. I wanted to go to an agency when we came back to the lab, but on the way I noticed that my old hairstylist was back in town. I went in thinking she could help my looks back on track. It turned out she left before the explosion to get married. He was abusive and she has just gotten divorced from him. Louise is her daughter whom I have adopted and she is pregnant and I'll also adopt that child."

"Should I've seen that you were not … living?" Grissom's defeated look was heartbreaking. He had rehearsed the first bit on the way there, but not what would follow.

"I didn't see it …so how could anybody else." He was studying his shoelaces.

"Greg have you thought about the implications of … adopting?" Grissom cast a nervous glance towards the pram.

"Eh, partially. But it feels right and she is gorgeous. What meds have they got him on?"

His boss handed him a sheet with several meds listed and a brief scan told him that Nick was on a heavy cocktail of painkillers and happy-pills. A cocktail similar to the one he had received two years ago except for the antihistamines, he'd had some other stuff designed for burns rather than bug-bites.

"When did they last give him a dose?" He remembered how knocked out he'd been for the first hour after each dose.

"About an hour ago, he dosed of immediately after. His parents left after he fell asleep and Cath pulled the others into work earlier." Grissom looked tired.

"He should come round soon then. I remember I would be down for an hour after…" He tapped the paper indicating the drugs.

Louise made a light chuckling noise and he picked her up quickly worried that she would start crying. The baby smiled at him and burped some of the banana up that she had eaten before they came to the hospital. He took the cloth-diaper and wiped her chin.

"Hey you were supposed to have digested that by now." He cooed to the smiling girl. Grissom followed his every move as he fuzzed over the baby.

"Do you wanna hold her?" The man looked like he could do with a distraction. He held Louise out towards Grissom who hesitantly took the baby.

"How old is she?" Grissom had sat her down on his lap and studied her closely. "10 months, isn't she adorable?" The nice warm feeling that was spreading through his body by just looking at her; left him thinking that this was true love, for the first time in his life.

"You said that you were going to adopt her unborn child as well?" Grissom asked.

"Hmm, she is 3 months pregnant so I'm gonna need mater… eh paternity leave in about 6 months time. So I figured I would just use some of my vacation time to set this little beauty up." He brought out the cup Mette had given him for Louise and filled it halfway with water from the jug sitting on Nick's table.

Louise was drinking and spilling on Grissom as the heart monitor altered the rhythm causing the three of them to turn simultaneously towards Nick. The look on Nicks face was one of total disbelief that slowly merged with a more pleading one.

"Do you want some water?" He knew just how dry one's throat could become when in the hospital. Nick nodded and he half filled the glass next to the jug and handed it to Nick.

"Wh…what?" Nick croaked after a small sip of water.

"My freshly adopted daughter Louise. It's a long story and I've only had her for a few hours." He said proudly and moved so Nick would have an unobstructed view of her.

"Your what?" Nick's accent was so thick he barely understood the simple question.

"My daughter Louise Olivia Mortensen Sanders." He took the baby from Grissom and held her closer for Nick to see.

"My glasses…" Grissom fished out Nick's glasses from the bag sitting next to his chair.

"Louise O…liveeya…" Nick's slurred voice revealed that the drugs still had a firm grip on his consciousness. He repeated the name and pronounced it in both Danish, like her mother had intended and American.

"That's one hell of a difference." Grissom let out a sound of admiration.

"Yeah, I know. It's fascinating really." He had always loved that he had a second language and that it wasn't Spanish.

"She's all beautiful." Nick was regaining coherency in his speech and the brown glass covered eyes had found focus again. The little baby girl had achieved full attention from the three men in the room and she played them like a bow on a fiddle.

"If she continues like this, you're gonna have a tyrant in the house Greg." Grissom stated as he tried to rescue his glasses back from the baby. That move enabled her to grasp his beard and lock her soft baby-blue eyes with the old hard blue eyes and his boss melted like butter in the sun.

"I think Linds' just got a rival." Nick's voice had picked up more strength and he felt a strange mixture of relief and sorrow. Perhaps because he knew just how well it would be a short lived strength, it would only last till the next round of meds.

"She sure has." Grissom chuckled while prying baby fingers out of his beard.

"Come on Louise let go of daddy's boss." He helped Grissom free his beard.

"Can I hold her?" Nick had struggled into a more upright position. He nodded and gently placed the baby in Nick's lap. With Nick focused completely on the baby he turned his attention to his boss.

"I still wanna be a CSI sir. But I need to make room for more or I'll … loose myself." The last two words were some of the hardest he had ever said in his life, perhaps because only then did he really see what had happened to him after the explosion.

Grissom's face was changing through several emotions never really settling on anyone particular, but he saw fear and defeat clearly. When Louise reached out for one of the wires attached to Nick he saw love… something he had never seen his boss display before. Whether it was love for the baby or Nick or just the absurdity of the whole situation was beyond him, but it calmed his own inner turmoil of feelings considerably.

"Well we can't have that Greg, can we?" He shook his head in response to Grissom's words. Louise made an attempt at pulling Nick's nose off and neither he nor Grissom could help smiling at the baby's futile efforts.

"Can you stay here tonight? I need to go in. Or is it too much trouble with her?"

"I'll stay, all I have for her, I have in the pram. Maybe you should go home and change first?" His nose had picked up a very manly scent coming from his boss.

"That was my plan. But I wanted to wait for you and see if…" Grissom was cut short by Nick.

"What she doing?" Nick's hands were hovering above her like she was an unstable compound.

"I think she's filling her diaper." Louise had a frown on her face and her body was tense from her current task. He took the baby and sniffed at her bottom, wincing at the smell.

"I guess I better do something about that." He picked up the bag with the diapers and extra clothes and left the room. Since the majority of patients in this ward was unable to use a toilet themselves there wasn't any attached to the room. The loss of control over simple body functions like that was just one more humiliation of being hurt severely. He wondered how bad Nick ‘the control freak' would react to bedpans and catheters. He had noticed that Nick's bag was placed on the side of the bed away from the door and hence the visitors. It had almost driven him crazy after the explosion that he couldn't go to the toilet like a normal person.

Outside he was met by the guard dog nurse.

"Where's the bathroom?" He hadn't noticed any signs on his arrival.

"Use the one down the hall. It says patients only, but the visitors one is too small to change diapers in." Maybe she wasn't so bad after all.

"Thank you very much, that's very kind of you ma'am."

"Well for such a sweetheart that's the least I could do." Was she flirting with him?

"And that makes you a sweetheart too." At that moment he knew he was back.

"Have you had anything to eat? If not, I'm sure I can get some both for you and your little angel." She was definitely flirting with him all while she doted on Louise.

"That would be absolutely great. I kinda left in a hurry…"

"I'll have it for you and your sweet thing in half an hour." She twirled her hair.

He had flirted back and he had a moment he had only seen bad animations of on film. That fantastic moment of returning to your own body after having been lost for ages. It was official; Greg Sanders was one whole person again. "Jeg er tilbake igjen, og du skal få den kuleste pappa'n i by'n." He cooed to the baby once in the bathroom. Louise replied with some gaga sounds and he couldn't help himself and joined her in her baby babble, thinking that would surely drive Grissom insane.

"Ugh you sure know how to fill these don't ya?" The diaper was filled to the rim and it surprised him that she hadn't erupted into a crying fit with a bottom like that.

"Easy with those legs. I need to wipe you clean… ump ouch you little devil. Lie still." One of her feet had connected with his jaw, not very hard just without warning. She was kicking and wriggling and four limbs against two made him silently wish for a manual.

It took him ten minutes and two near panic attacks to get her into a fresh diaper. She had thrashed so much around that she had nearly fallen to the floor twice.

"Okay two buttons to go now." A sigh of relief followed the words as he did the last buttons. He picked her up and gathered everything else in his left hand wondering if it got easier with practice. When he had everything he remembered that he had forgotten to wash his hands.

"Where's Grissom?" He came back to Nick's room a whole lot more disorganized than when he left and he had planned on Grissom's help.

"Gone to the toilet." Nick mumbled more to the bed than to him. He dumped everything but the baby near the pram and looked around hoping to find a solution to his predicament.

"It sucks, I remember only too well." Nick met his eyes and a faint smiled ghosted across his lips, but it never came near his eyes.

"Can I hold her again?" He placed Louise on the bed carefully avoiding all tubes and wires.

"I forgot to wash my hands and I've no idea what I've gotten myself into." He explained as he made a beeline for the sink in Nick's room.

"Do you have room enough for two children in your flat?" Nick asked the rhetorical question that everybody already knew the answer to.

"I mean I've got two extra rooms at my house and a garden, so you could move in and it would be better right?" He kept on washing his hands while trying to recall just how lucid he had been while he was in the hospital.

"Nick if the offer still stands when you're not all drugged up then we'll talk about it."

"I mean it. I'm not that out of it." The hurt in Nick's voice was painfully evident.

"I know and I'm just tryin…" Louise launched a scream from another world and he rushed to her and picked her up.

"Shh… shh… daddy's here, easy… easy… now." He had no idea what had caused her crying fit and he hoped it was just hunger and not something serious.

"I want you to. You can't loose yourself Greg." Nick's voice had gone at least an octave higher, if not more, than normal.

"Don't worry about me. I'm… I'm fine." The lie was too evident and he continued.

"Well… maybe not, but you shouldn't worry about me Nick. You're gonna have enough to deal with after this… burial." He cuddled Louise close as he whispered the last words to Nick desperately trying not to cry.

"At least you call it by its name. Everybody is walking on bloody eggshells all the time. Nobody dares say words like coffin, burial, dirt, kidnapping or whatever. I KNOW WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED TO ME." Nick's outburst made Louise sob loudly and he rocked her in his arms.

"We all do Nicky." Grissom had entered without any of them noticing.

"Yeah well stop treating my like I'm made out of glass. I know what I …" Nick broke out into a hysterical crying fit and Louise accompanied him.

Grissom was at Nick's side in an instant and enveloped the Texan in his arms. As Nick's cries turned into sobs Louise also stilled and he found himself wiping tears from his own eyes. He wasn't sure who those tears were falling for; it could be Nick, whom he had a major crush on a few years back, or it could be himself and what he had lost since the explosion.

"I'm sorry Griss. I'm okay really I am." Nick was trying to convince them that he had it all under control, but his chest still heaved and the heart monitor also told of his distress.

"Do you need me to stay?" The way Grissom asked made him see, that they were all Grissom had. The people at the lab were Grissom's family and what he and Nick had been through had gone straight to Grissom's heart. In their day to day life Grissom had taken on the part of the Grand Patron and they had all accepted it. His discovery left him trembling all over and he vowed that he would never let go of himself again.

"No… we'll be alright. I promise Griss." Nick's heavy accent told far more than his words.

"Yeah we'll still be here tomorrow." He wanted to crawl into Grissom's embrace like he had done with his father as a small boy, but right now he had to be the grown up. The blue eyes considered him with their infamous intensity and he did his best to pass the inspection.

"Anything Greg. Anything and you call me, understood?" Grissom had that classic look on for whenever he handed out nonnegotiable orders.

"Yes sir." Louise broke the high tension by gripping his lower lip hard.

"She doesn't like to loose attention." Grissom smirked and left the room. Nick made one of those half coughs to clear his throat and he turned to see if he could help in any way.

"Do you want me to step outside?" He knew how difficult it was to pee with other people in the room and Nick's blush and nod told him that he was spot on.

"Do you need anything?" The guard dog nurse flicked her head and twirled a strand of hair.

"Nah, Nick just needed some privacy. That whole toilet thing is absolutely humiliating at first." He looked rather bemused at all her flirtatious moves.

"Sounds like you have first hand experience." She tickled Louise under the chin.

"Yup, got blown out of my lab two years ago and my back got burned." It was that simple and until today it had ruled his life.

Before more could be said an orderly came round the corner with a food trolley.

"Oh great, I hope they got my order for you and this little beauty." She cooed to the baby.

"I could just get some from the cafeteria, it's no big deal." She glared at him and retrieved three different servings from the trolley.

"This is for her." She indicated a bright red plastic container.

"And this is for Nick." She held up a soup bowl.

"And the rest is for you my dear." She had taken a tray with two metal covered plates and put the baby food and soup onto it as well.

The guard dog nurse marched into Nick's room with the tray and he sent a silent prayer that Nick had finished his business.

"Dinner's ready Mr. Stokes." She sat the tray down on the table and left brushing against him on the way out.

"I don't get her. She just totally flirted with me and now she…" He waved his free hand after the closing door.

"Flirted? She's been cold as ice every time she's been in here." Nick wondered aloud.

"The soup is yours." He stopped Nick as he went for the red container.

"Oh, what's the rest?" Nick looked puzzled and exhausted.

"This is for Louise and the rest for me apparently." He opened the red container and tried to identify the liquefied mass in it, sniffing it carefully.

"What is it?" Nick asked wearily.

"I have no idea and I may not give a damn about what I eat myself, but I can't just feed her some unknown substance like that." He wrinkled his nose at the bland smell.

After having identified his own dinner he decided to give Louise some of his.

"Yikes, this soup is horrible. It's way to creamy." Nick struggled to swallow his first mouthful.

"Oh one of those. They make them like that to give you as much nutrition as possible in a small as possible portion. I remember I'd rather drunk milk directly from a cow."

"But why can't I just get something like yours." Nick was whining and he found it rather charming.

"Because you're the one in the ridiculous hospital gown and not me." He said putting on his good old goofy Greg grin and a hint of a flirt.

"Do you know what this looks like?" Nick let the soup on his spoon drip back down into the bowl, both fascinated and disgusted by the thick fluid.

"Hmm, well no offense, but it looks like a cum-feast." He was truly back, there was no way he would have said something like that last week. To his surprise Nick started to giggle almost like he was drunk. He gave Louise a small piece of his carrot.

"My thought exactly. And just how do you know?" Nick giggled watching Louise munch the carrot down like a pro.

He covered Louise's ears.

"Well I'm no blushing virgin. How do you?" He couldn't help flirting back even though he suspected the drugs to be talking for Nick, but it was fun to see Nick so carefree.

"Well I know I got this rep as the ladies man, but I've sure been with my share of guys as well." Nick's voice was slurred and strongly accented and he kept on with his ‘cooling' of the soup. He gave Louise a piece of potato and wiped the spilled carrot of her chin.

"Eat it Nick. Trust me the nurse will give you a hard time if you don't. I speak from experience." He caught half the potato as Louise spat it out.

Nick started to gulp down his soup, but halfway through the Texan froze in motion. He was about to come with another smart remark when he noticed that Nick just sat there staring into nothing. A look he only knew too well. When he had been in the hospital full of drugs and with a never ending stream of visitors he had also lapsed in those moments of not being able to focus several times. He fed Louise another piece of potato and avoided to demand any attention from Nick.

The chicken meat on his plate was dry and he pre-chewed the bits that he fed Louise like it was the most natural thing in the world. She ate happily and he thought about Nick's offer to become roommates. There was a time when he would have jumped to such an offer, but he had changed dramatically after the explosion and there was no way Nick could just shake this off like it was nothing at all. The crush that he had had for years he had killed after the explosion, certain that it was a waste of what had suddenly become precious time.

Deep down he knew that if Nick were to repeat the offer in a month he would take it. There was still something there between them, wasn't there? He had often wondered what sex with Nick would be like, would it be slow and sensual or fast and hard or would it somewhere in between. Nick began blinking and life returned to the dark eyes, eyes that he had once craved too see into while kissing a fantasy.

"Eh, I… eh…" Nick blinked confused and he lowered the spoon into the soup.

"I know. The drugs make it hard to stay focused. You just zoned out for a while." He had done everything he could to hide it when he had been in the hospital and he had never told anyone about afterwards.

"Zoned out." The slurred recital indicated that Nick was nowhere near coherent yet.

"Eat the soup Nick." One simple task that would usually be done automatically would now demand Nick's full attention to be completed.

Nick ate the rest of the soup and he finished his own plate together with Louise. He gave her some water to drink and carefully cleaned her face of the leftovers from her meal.

"She's all beautiful." Nick sounded more coherent and his eyes were clearly focused on Louise again. The baby had turned red eyed and he figured that she was tired.

"Yeah, but I think she needs to sleep now." He spoke quietly not to stress her nor Nick.

"You can lay her here next to me." Nick moved over towards the window and left plenty of room for the baby in the big hospital bed.

"Are you sure? What if she pulls on … you know one of the tubes?" Nick's pleading eyes told him not to argue any further. Instead he laid her down and softly sang ‘Nothing compares to you' for her. Both the baby and Nick stared at him in deep fascination over his singing. Louise drifted of before he was halfway through and Nick followed soon after. If it hadn't been for the fact that they were in the hospital it would have made for a perfect scene.

(A/N: I let Greg speak Norwegian on occasion and if I forget the translations please let me know.

Jeg er tilbake igjen, og du skal få den kuleste pappa'n i by'n= I'm back and you're gonna have the craziest dad in town.)

The guard dog nurse entered and stared him down when she saw the baby in Nick's bed. She took the tray and indicated for him to follow her.

"How long has he been sleeping for?" Her stern look softened and she twirled her hair.

"He dosed off about 20 minutes ago. The drugs don't sit too well with him." He studied her feet as he spoke.

"Doctor's orders. Heal the body and then the mind." She put a finger under his chin and held his eyes fast.

"I know, but Nick is very uncomfortable already having surrendered this much control." Her stare made him feel very uneasy and his voice wavered as he spoke.

"Yeah well the doctor will check in on him in about half an hour. But they're not gonna take him of the meds." Her voice grew firmer for each word and he was in desperate need of a black hole to be absorbed by.

"Sometimes the mind needs to heal more than the body." He mumbled loosing all strength in his argument. She let go off him when an alarm went off in one of the other rooms.

"Hey." Nick whispered as he reentered his room.

"Hey that was a short nap." He remembered only too well the continuous fight to stay awake at certain hours and sleep at others.

"Yeah, I… it … I don't know." The defeat in Nick's words was heartbreaking and he took yet another plunge on the emotional rollercoaster ride of the day.

"I remember. I could never stay awake. I could never fall asleep and I could never concentrate." He had seated himself in the chair and drawn his knees to his chin.

"You never told anyone, did you?" Nick spoke quietly and slowly as if to make sure that the words came out right.

"Nah. It wasn't exactly something I cared to admit. I mean ‘Hi I'm Greg Sanders and I don't have my wits about me' it's not really my style." He rocked slowly back and forth in a comforting motion.

"I feel like shit." Nick caressed the baby's soft hair.

"I mean, I thought I was gonna die. And when the fan stopped." A tear fell from his cheek to the baby's forehead.

"I said goodbye to everybody and there was nobody to hear it." Another tear fell and joined the first one.

"I took the decision." A steady stream of tears fell and the first few trickled through the baby's hair.

He listened to Nick's words and there was no way he could hold back his own tears. How could he ever have thought that surviving the explosion was hard work? His friend right before him had decided to kill himself rather than suffocate. Nick had been driven to the point of no return. How could his own reluctance to deal with burned skin compare to something of that magnitude.

"I was gonna blow my brains out." Nick's voice began to falter as he throat became thick with more tears.

"I was gonna leave a mess for you to process." The last word was broken by a sob. He moved his hand next to Nick's leaving him the possibility to take it or not. Nick took the offered hand and clung onto it for dear life.

"He intended to leave every thing messed up." He said as he stroked the back of Nick's hand with his thumb.

"I was gonna blow my brains out. If you had been five minutes…" Nick was crying and his words really hard to decipher.

"Sooner, you wouldn't have made the decision." He needed to see things the positive way or he would be howling along with Nick in no time at all. Nick blinked his tears away and his face softened somewhat. He unfolded himself and landed his other hand on Nick's head gently caressing the short hair.

"Thank you." Nick whispered.

"You're welcome. I can't make it go away. But I can be here for you." It was a big promise, in fact it was a huge promise and apart from adopting Louise it was the biggest he had ever made. Nick looked at him first and then Louise.

"I meant it before, come live with me." The brown eyes were begging and he felt like saying yes without leaving Nick the option to back out.

The door was pushed open before he could answer Nick and a small Asian woman in a white lab coat entered.

"Good evening Mr. Stokes. I'm Doctor Wang." She walked over to the bed and gave them a disapproving look when she saw Louise there. Nick did his best to cover the little child, clearly indicating that she was not to be moved no matter what.

"Hrmmp this is not a place for babies. But I'll allow it for now." She snorted and started checking Nick's vitals and asking him how he felt.

After a short but hefty debate on his meds Nick surrendered to the doctor's order.

"Mr. Sanders there's a phone call for you." The guard dog nurse popped her head in. He turned back to Nick to ask if he needed him to stay.

"Go I'm okay for the moment." Nick stated without much confidence.

"It's your boss." The guard dog nurse barked and he hurried out into the hall before she could aggravate Nick further.

"Sanders." He said under the watchful eye of the guard dog nurse.

"Hi Greg, is everything okay?" Grissom sounded troubled.

"Sort of, he is having a hard time concentrating because of the meds." He tried not to sound too sad.

"Do you need anything? I mean like a change of clothes." Grissom's attempt to mother him missed by a mile, but it was rather endearing.

"It would be nice, but don't worry about it." Who was he kidding; he would love some clean clothes.

"Well I'm sending Warrick …home… I might as well make him go by your place and pick up what you need before he comes to the hospital." Grissom's words were hesitant and he wondered just how Warrick was going to get into his apartment, when he remembered that Grissom still had the key that his parents had given him after the explosion.

"Tell him to get some socks, jeans, shirts, sneakers and boxers oh and some shampoo." He had a feeling that Nick had no intention of letting him leave the hospital anytime soon.

"Ok, I'll do that. Greg, he is not doing so good, nor is Cath…" Grissom trailed off and he was tongue tied as well. The emotional rollercoaster was way too extreme for any of them to put it into words.

"Yeah but time will help. I just don't think any of us can begin to understand Nick. And I don't think that he'll ever be able to understand what we went through." He pushed the words out fast, terrified that he would never say them if he thought to deeply about it.

"Hmm… yes well…Oh Greg by the way, I've arranged for you to have vacation effective immediately and 20 days ahead." He could have kissed Grissom right then and there.

"Thank you. That'll help a lot." The sigh of relief was way too audible but he didn't care.

"Greg, there's gonna be a lot of people coming by tomorrow. I mean Louise…"

Grissom hesitated and he knew what the unspoken words should have been.

"It's alright, I'll try to make sure we all get some sleep and that Warrick doesn't … overdo it." Talking feelings with his boss was like climbing a mountain.

"Thanks see you tomorrow." Grissom said flatly.

"Yeah ‘night." He finished off the call and made a beeline for Nick's room before the guard dog nurse could detain him any further.

"But I can go to the toilet myself." Nick whined as he entered the room.

"We'll take that one tomorrow Mr. Stokes." Dr. Wang shot back. He did his best not to demand any attention but in vain.

"Greg tell her that I can, please." It broke his heart all over again to hear Nick beg like that. Perhaps more so because he knew that Nick probably wouldn't be able to make it to the toilet whenever needed.

"Nick just settle for number two." He mumbled and moved over to the bedside.

Nick huffed letting them know just how insulted he felt. Louise moved in her sleep obtaining full attention by a jerk of her small hand and it was just the distraction he needed. The Doctor finished her business and administered the evening's dose to Nick.

"Sleep tight Nick." He brushed his hand over Nick's head as the drugs were injected into the IV line. Nick reached out to grab his hand and by instinct he met him halfway. The drugs soon took effect and Nick's hand grew limb in his, but he held on long after Nick had drifted off.

Eventually his awkward position became unbearable and he gently let go of Nick's hand. Nick moved slightly in his sleep and Louise moved accordingly and he just the loved the sight of the two laying there together. It made him think about Nick's offer again. How much did Nick want from him? Had it been in spur of the moment? But if he knew Nick correctly it was something that Nick must have thought about earlier. Nick would never do anything like that out of the blue. That led him down another string of thoughts and suddenly he regretted never having worked up the courage to ask for a date.

He drifted of and was woken by a faint baby sound after what he thought was an hour.

"Hei, pappa er her." He cooed to the baby trying to keep her from waking up Nick.

She looked at him and he hoped that all she needed was something to drink. He kneeled down next to the pram to get her bottle from one of the many bags and brushed against something soft and fluffy in his search. Armed with the bottle and a stuffed toy in the shape of a seal he returned to the bed.

Louise happily accepted the toy giving him time to fill the bottle with water. Nick mumbled something in his sleep that sounded like a prayer. He gently sat Louise up so she could drink from her bottle. Once again he reveled in her beauty and the man laying protectively behind her.

"What do think? Should we live with him?" Her blue eyes locked with his at his faint whisper.

As night had fallen the hospital had grown quiet, only few people passed through the halls in the late hours of the evening and he heard every one of them. Some walked briskly others dragged their feet and some were hesitant. Louise was almost through her bottle when he heard a familiar fall of feet approaching from the lift. He braced himself for Warrick's arrival; there had been some harsh words while they had looked for Nick.

The door was slowly pushed open, leaving him time to become nervous.

"Hey." Warrick whispered as if to test for life.

"Hey Warrick." He whispered back before he turned to face his older colleague.

"Is he sleeping?" The battered look on Warrick's face told of emotions so strong that he wouldn't like to name a single one of them.

"Yeah, he's been out for a couple of hours." He took the now finished bottle from Louise and handed her the seal back.

Warrick took the chair next to the head of the bed and just slumped forwards burying his head in his hands, completely ignoring the baby.

"Why him?" Warrick's voice was shaking and he sounded so damn close to tears.

"Freak coincidence. Who knows? But we found him and he's still here with us." Louise seemed content with the seal and he shifted his hand from her to Warrick's shoulder.

"Yeah, but…" The tears made Warrick unable to continue and he moved his hand in soothing circles on the older mans shoulder.

"Sorry…" Warrick raised his head and the teary eyes pleaded for forgiveness.

"It's okay. We found him." He wondered how many times he would have to say those three words to actually believe them fully.

"Eh I got you a bag from your place… Griss said shampoo, but eh… I made a clean sweep in your bathroom. I didn't know which one you wanted…" He could just imagine Warrick staring at his 3 shampoos, 3 conditioners and 7 different styling products.

"Yeah well it's my girly streak I guess." Talking about his hair habits was a lot better than anything else and he let go of Warrick.

"Speaking of girly, where did the baby come from?" Warrick seemed just as eager to avoid the night's heavy topic.

"She's mine. I adopted her today from my hairstylist. And I'm gonna adopt her unborn child as well. This little beauty is Louise Olivia Mortensen Sanders." He couldn't keep the pride out of his voice.

"Just like that, all of a sudden? Or was it planned?" Warrick was stunned.

"All of a sudden! I needed a time out after we found him and I happened to walk by her salon and well things just turned out like this." He pointed to Louise.

"You're nuts. It's a huge responsibility, just ask Cath." Warrick sounded like he wanted to dismiss the whole idea.

"Yeah well maybe so; but it's mine to take and I want it. If Nick will let me have her back, that is." He said softly as he stroked her hair.

"I won't." Nick whispered and cradled the baby even more protectively than before, leaving them uncertain whether he was awake or not. The heart monitor had been switched off earlier by the doctor so he had lost his tell tale on Nick.

"Hey bro, how are you?" Warrick crowded Nick as much as possible without actually climbing into the bed.

"I won't. She stays." The words were barely recognizable through Nick's slurred heavy accent.

"It takes a while for him to become coherent. Don't expect too much." He wanted to drag Warrick away, but he knew that all Warrick needed was confirmation on Nick's continued existence.

"But it wasn't like this when we came in with him." For the first time ever he heard Warrick whine. A deep breath calmed him enough to explain.

"They've got him on a heavy cocktail and that's why. It messes with the concentration."

Nick mumbled and no matter how hard he strained he couldn't understand a single word.

"I would have…" Warrick mimicked shooting his brains out. A cold shiver ran through his entire body as he thought of what he would have done.

"I think I would've gone nuts, babbled myself to death. I couldn't… I think I would have been too afraid that I miss." Warrick nodded and swallowed hard.

"How could he…" Unable to finish Warrick just placed his own hand on the one Nick was holding Louise with.

"Because I knew you would come." Nick spoke in a quiet forced way to ensure the words came out right. Warrick backed of slightly giving Nick some of his personal space back.

"Hey bro." Warrick was down to whisper in an attempt not to cry.

"I love you." Nick had locked eyes with Warrick and he felt a pang of jealousy because Nick hadn't said that to him at all.

"I love you too bro." Warrick hitched out between his sobs

"Go take a bath Greg, I'm good for now." There was a hint of an order in Nick's voice.

"Shall I take her with me?" Somehow he knew that wasn't likely to happen.

"No." The panic was audible and he just grabbed the bag Warrick had brought him and disappeared out of the room. An old grey-haired nurse with thick glasses sat behind the desk and she gave him a court glance before returning to her computer screen.

"Can I take a shower somewhere?" Her head snapped back up.

"It's for patients only." She stated and returned to her work.

"Okay sorry to have disturbed you ma'am." He sauntered of towards the visitor's toilet for a trucker-bath.

"Are you one of the CSI's?" She called after him.

"Yes ma'am. Greg Sanders." He turned to look at her.

"Are you his man?" He was touched by the question, but didn't feel like lying.

"Ah no, he… eh I …" What had happened to his usual surplus of words he wondered.

"But you're the one with the baby?" He walked back to her desk.

"Yes ma'am. I…"

"He acts like you're his man." She stated and he just stood there with his jaw hanging.

"Use the patient's bathroom down the hall." As he walked to the bathroom he mused on how she knew all that and figured that the guard dog nurse probably had something to do with it.

To his surprise Warrick had packed a nice selection of his more colorful clothing and he was actually glad that he didn't have to walk around looking like the living death he had turned into lately. Dressed in a pair of sweats and an Iron Maiden t-shirt he made his way back to Nick's room.

"Do you want me to get a bassinette for the baby?" The grey-haired nurse asked.

"Nah, Nick has decided that she is to sleep in his bed. And I don't think taking her away would be much of a success." The nurse smiled and batted her eyelashes at him.

"She pulled on Griss' beard and he just let her, she's so adorable." Nick was laughing and he sounded like normal happy Nick when he came back to the room.

"Yup Linds' got a rival for sure." He smiled and rejoiced in the easy mood currently in the room. Even Warrick seemed to have lightened up, but given his guilt trip from earlier it was probably only a temporary thing.

"Hey what happened to your hair?" Nick asked rather startled.

"Nothing I just washed it. Don't worry, I'll style it tomorrow, Warrick brought me all I need." It had to be small things like this that the nurses had picked up on.

"Oh good. I like it that way." Nick calmed down and returned his focus to Warrick. While his two older colleagues fuzzed over the baby he made himself comfortable in one of the chairs and drifted off.

A faint cry from Louise woke him and he scrambled to his feet to get her before she could wake Nick. Warrick was still in the same chair and fast asleep.

"I think she filled her diaper." Nick whispered and from the coherency in his speech he knew that Nick had been awake for at least half an hour. A quick inhale told him that Nick was spot on and he got Louise and the diaper bag and took off to the bathroom.

"Do you need anything for her?" The grey-haired nurse asked.

"Nah, thanks I just gotta change her diaper." He grinned wide trying to hide his nerves at the somewhat daunting task.

"She's what, 10 months?" She guessed taking a long look at Louise.

"Yes she is. Is it still okay if I use the patient's bathroom?" He received a nod from her.

"What have you been feeding her? I saw that Clare had put in an order for baby food."

"I didn't give her that, I shared mine with her. Just diced it out fine." He suddenly became self-conscious about having chewed the meat for her.

"Good thinking, that baby-stuff is for newborns. She needs something more wholesome. Have you got any milk substitute for her?" He shook his head and got that feeling of being in over his head again.

"Not to worry, I'll get a bottle for her and make sure that you can have more for as long as you stay here with him." She winked as if she shared a secret with him.

While changing her diaper he debated the whole Nick thing with her in Norwegian throwing in the few Danish words that he knew for sure were different. He wasn't sure how he felt about the nurses pretending to know something like that, especially because they weren't a couple. Louise was far more calm than she had been the first time and he avoided any panic attacks.

"Oh that was fast." The grey-haired nurse giggled as he came back.

"Well practices makes perfect, well faster at least." His words lost their cockiness along the way. She handed him a lukewarm bottle of milk.

"Feed her this now and I'll set up for you to warm whatever you buy for her. Oh she might react to your bacterial flora" She smiled big time and exchanged a few gaga's with Louise. He almost asked how she knew, but took a different course.

"We're both of Scandinavian descent so it shouldn't be too big a change for her."

"Ah that's good. I just thought you should know. If you've got any questions you just ask me. I have 7 children." She smiled and didn't look like she could ever get enough of children.

"Thank you, I might just take you up on that." He smiled back and returned to Nick's room.

"Hey that was a lot faster than before." Nick beamed as he reentered. "Yeah she didn't fidget about this time. So I didn't have to restrain her. Oh the nurse on duty now got a bottle of milk for her." He handed Nick the baby and put away the diaper bag careful not to wake Warrick.

"Give me the bottle, I wanna feed her." Nick sounded so eager that he did as told. Louise fed happily on the bottle and he sought Nick's approval to sit on the wrong side of the bed.

"Only you Greggo, I don't want everybody to know just how my body-functions are doing." The words were mumbled in a so low Texan growl that he barely understood.

"Selvfølgelig." If Nick didn't want to be understood then why should he.

"Are you okay with staying with me?" Nick took the hint and spoke clearer.

"Yeah, I know how shitty it is and I know when to back off. I mean…" It seemed like all he had done for 24 hours was climbing emotional mountains and he was simply too tired to continue.

"You're the only one that I trust to… see me like this." Nick pointed to the bag and the IV-line with the bottle making Louise reach eagerly for it. He braced himself and prepared for what he needed to say.

"About living with you." He locked eyes with Nick and continued.

"I'm interested, but I want us to talk when you're not drugged up. Nick I'm sorry but you shouldn't make any promises right now. You're not clearheaded all the time and I remember only too well how little I remember of what was said while I was in the hospital."

Nick nodded slowly and if he had been a cartoon figure there would have been a bubble above his head with wheels clicking into place.

"So when I'm out and ‘clean' we can talk?" Nick absent mindedly scratched on his arm. He landed his hand on Nick's and moved it back to Louise and the toy seal.

"No scratching. It'll just keep you here longer." He warned a sheepish looking Nick.

"Sorry."

Louise finished her bottle and he held her up to burp her. One big burp and some milk on his shoulder later he handed her back to Nick, who took her smiling his win them all smile.

"We should get some sleep Nick. Grissom said that there are a lot of people planning on coming in the morning." He leaned over and kissed Louise on the forehead.

"I don't feel tired right now." Nick ran his unattached hand through his hair and he felt a tingle run down his spine.

"Nick?" He couldn't just deny Nick, but it was just not right.

"You are wildest guy I've ever known. And I… love you." Nick whispered as his hand continued to massage his head.

"Nick, let's… save it for later… It… you need to take it easy. Eh… hmm I've loved you for a long time." His emotional rollercoaster ride seemed never ending.

"Do you still?" He felt Nick's lips on his scalp and he stayed bend down over Louise.

"Yes I do, but can we please talk about it later?" It was so tempting to just give in to Nick's current desire, but he knew that it wouldn't last for long, so it would be better to wait all together.

"Greg." The pleading in Nick's pronunciation of his name was almost too much to bear.

"Please Nick." Tears had snug into his voice and his whisper sounded so alien.

Louise wiggled about in Nick's lap and it broke the tense moment between them. Nick adjusted in the bed making room for the baby next to him.

"Please sing her a song G." He sang an old Norwegian lullaby that he himself often had fallen asleep to and seeing that Nick was still awake he continued with the few old soft ballads he could remember.

Eventually as Nick drifted off he sat back in his chair and to the sound of three rhythmic breaths he fell asleep.

"Greg. Greg! Greggo!" Warrick's lowered voice was slightly panicked and he literally jumped out of his chair.

"What." He demanded in a whisper. Warrick pointed to the bed and he knew that Nick would want to die of embarrassment when he woke.

"Go out and tell the nurse and stay out. Take a shower, he can't handle…" He pointed to the mess on the bed. Warrick did as told and he sat about waking Nick up.

"Nick." He whispered close the other man's ear while he tucked on his arm.

"Come on Nick, you gotta wake up." Louise started to stir and he picked her up.

"What?" Nick slowly came through to the surface when he removed the baby.

"Hmm you've had a small accident." He said with a quiet sad voice.

"Huh, oh shit…" Nick looked around in sheer panic when he realized that he soiled himself.

"Where's Warrick?" The embarrassment was as evident as he had predicted.

"In the shower, he's been gone for a while. I just couldn't wake you. The nurse is on her way. Do you want me to step out while…" Nick nodded and he grabbed a change of clothes for both him and Louise.

The grey-haired nurse passed him on her way in and he heard her try to calm Nick down before the door shut. Warrick was sitting on a chair a bit down the hall and he walked over to him.

"Warrick are you okay?" Warrick looked up at him with eyes that were glazed over with tears.

"I tried to wake him, but he just…" Warrick dropped his eyes to the floor again.

"His body is so intoxicated that he can't control stuff like that." Louise had never really woken up and the baby began to feel really heavy.

"I told him that you were in shower and that it happened after you left." Warrick was brushing away an imaginary spot on his knee.

"Thanks I guess. I can't take more. Why couldn't it just be over when we found him?" The words came forced out through tightly clenched teeth, making them sound almost like a hiss. He sighed deeply and nudged Warrick to get up.

"Let's hit the shower. I… I haven't got all the answers man." He steered them off to the bathroom.

"I never knew that you have such a fine singing voice." He was styling his hair as Warrick suddenly spoke up in the shower, until then they had showered in silence.

"You heard?" He quickly recalled what had passed before the singing.

"Yeah, I mean I haven't really slept that much. You know just not… Anyway I heard you talk." The running water made it impossible for him to detect how Warrick felt about the night's conversation.

"And?" There were so many other things that he could have said; that would have dismissed the topic, but he had to know.

"And I think it is way overdue." His hands froze in mid air hovering above his hair.

"Seriously?" He wondered when he had been reduced to just one word at a time.

"Yeah, I mean you've flirted long enough haven't you." Warrick turned the water off.

"Are you okay with it? I mean if it becomes something, that is." His insecurity stood out even to himself.

"If that's what he wants. I just wanna see him happy." Warrick muttered and continued: "Besides in our line of work… If I couldn't handle a couple of my friends being gay I should find something else to do." The voice gained strength for every word spoken.

"That's good to hear." He felt a boost of his self-confidence.

"You know you really hurt him by telling him to wait? But I think you were right." Was this really the same Warrick that had practically torn his head off while they searched for Nick?

"They gave me a similar cocktail when I got blown out of the lab, so I know how little he's capable of right now. Unfortunately." He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Do you parents know about her?" The now dressed Warrick sat on the toilet holding the baby like she was the most fragile thing he had ever had in his hands.

"Nope, I'm gonna call them now. And I just know that my mum will have a hundred questions that I can't answer and that they'll probably make it to Vegas in record time."

"Their first grandchild?" Warrick handed him Louise and got up.

"Yeah and they already went into grandparent mode a couple of years back." He gathered up his and Louise's stuff. When they returned to the nurse's desk there was a new one on duty, a skinny little redhead. Warrick greeted her and he understood that she had been there when Nick was moved to the ward.

The grey-haired nurse exited Nick's room and came over to them.

"He's cleaned up now, it happens with so much in the system." She looked as if she was about to launch into a long explanation and he stopped her.

"I've been there. Maybe they can reduce some of the meds?" She nodded in response.

"I think so, but as always it's the doctors that decide. Have you got some milk for her yet?" He shook his head and decided to ask Grissom to bring some.

"Can I borrow the phone?" She nodded and took of with the dirty linen she had collected from Nick.

"Go on in and take Louise with you." He gave Warrick the baby and ushered him on.

"Grissom." The exhausted voice spoke volumes.

"Hi it's Greg; I was hoping you could buy some milk substitute for Louise before you come over."

"What kind? Isn't there like 100 different kinds or so?" Grissom sounded more interested.

"I think so, the book says that vegetable based are safe bets." Like all the rest he would learn it, but it still left him crimson red not being able to ask for a specific brand.

After having finished his call to Grissom he called his parents, knowing that they would be up by then. As soon as his mother answered he launched his prepared speech to her in Norwegian, not giving her a change to ask anything, before he ran out of breath. When he stopped she exploded in a hundred questions like anticipated and he just told her to come see for herself. He gave the hospital's address as well as Nick's room number and had the nurse put them on the list.

"Don't fill the glass too much for her." Nick was clearly instructing Warrick on how to give Louise a glass of water and it warmed him to hear the love in Nick's words. It brought Nick's offer to mind again and once again he wished that he could just rush over to the bed and say yes. A snide remark from his ironic self started on ‘in sickness and health', but he quickly dismissed it as he put his bags under the pram.

"That's the way I like your hair best." Nick beamed at him and he blushed like a schoolgirl.

"Thank you." He stammered very self-conscious.

"Well he sure spent long enough on doing it up like that." Warrick mused as he held the glass for Louise. Nick beckoned him over to the ‘wrong' side of the bed and he complied.

"Griss, Cath and Sara are on their way over. Later on some of the techs will be come by just to see for themselves that you're really here. And my parents are coming to see this little wonder." He flashed his goofiest smile to the baby.

"Greg will you stay with me when the doctor comes? You know help me convince her that I don't…" Nick lost his concentration and his hand started fiddling with his ‘woobie' that had magically appeared. He exchanged a knowing glance with Warrick and they both focused on the baby; leaving Nick to come around in his own time.

"Have you ever sung for a band?"

Warrick tried his best to ignore Nick's state of mind, but the question held no sincere interest.

"Yeah during High School, but stopped early in college." He went along with the small talk.

They talked music until Catherine and Sara arrived, doing what they could to avoid the emotional rollercoaster. Both women stared wide eyed at Louise when they entered and then they simultaneously burst into questions.

"I adopted her yesterday. Meet Louise Olivia Mortensen Sanders!" He deliberately pronounced her name in Danish leaving both his female colleagues gob smacked.

"You did what?" They exclaimed in unison, startling Nick back to the present.

"He adopted her, isn't she just gorgeous?" Nick acted like he was the new parent and not him. Cath launched into a third degree interrogation of him and Sara did her best to throw in more questions. He answered most, but Nick often cut in and corrected or elaborated on his explanations.

"Hmm give him a break!" Grissom had once again entered unnoticed and he was more than grateful for the break.

"The clerk didn't know what was best, so I got these five different ones for you." Grissom held out a shopping bag for him. Nick tucked on his hand and he leaned down to hear what he had to say.

"It's too much." He nodded in response to Nick's whisper.

"Guys, calm down. Nick doesn't need all this excitement." As if on cue the door opened and three doctors entered.

Grissom took Louise, the milk substitute and ushered the three other CSI's out of the room. Nick was still holding his hand and did so throughout the doctor's examination of him. They discussed his meds, his bites and his reactions at length. He did his best to help Nick through it. Eventually the doctors left after having readjusted Nick's medication.

"She is just the most adorable little thing." Sara was so ecstatic that she literally bounced around Grissom who was carrying the baby. Catherine wore a faint smile but her exhaustion shone clear through and she practically hung on Warrick for physical support.

"I know, did she have the whole bottle?" Nick reached out to take Louise from Grissom only then releasing his hand.

"Yes she did Nick. Here you go. Oh ups." Louise had once again taken hold of Grissom's beard.

He and Sara carefully extracted the baby's fingers from Grissom's beard, while Nick giggled at their sometimes rather futile efforts.

"Come on Cath, I'll give you a ride home." Warrick had an arm around an almost sleeping Catherine.

"I'll walk you out." The now freed Grissom stated. After a few proper goodbyes to Nick the two left with Grissom on their tail.

"When are your parents coming?" Sara shortly lifted her eyes to Nick but she returned them to Louise before he had a chance to answer.

"I don't know. They probably have some phone calls to take care of before they leave the hotel." Nick stroked Louise's hair like he had never seen hair before. It struck him as funny, since Nick knew just about everything there is to know about hair.

"Mine are coming as fast as possible. My mum will probably make a serious attempt at the land speed record while my father hangs on for dear life."

"Huh…? Oh they're coming to see the baby." Sara's puzzled expression was replaced by a large grin when she got the idea. He nodded and Nick gave him the warmest smile he had seen in a very long time.

Nick's parents showed up late in the morning and they both looked stressed to the breaking point. Nick's mother eyed him and the baby curiously for a long time before she turned her full attention to her injured son. Nick's father acknowledged his presence but not much more than that, the man was way too busy with his work often leaving the room to make phone calls.

There was a stream of visitors from the lab during the late morning and Grissom made sure that Nick only had visitors when he was able to. Sara went shopping for more baby food and she repeatedly refused to go home. Nick was polite to the people who came and thanked them all for their concern. Late in the afternoon his parents showed up and Grissom dragged Sara off insisting that they would both need sleep before their shift.

He introduced his parents to Nick's and their mothers seemed to hit it off well.

"So son, after your mothers reckless driving here I would love a walk. Care to join me." It was exactly what he needed and he accepted without hesitation. Nick gave him a worried look and he leaned down to explain.

"I need to talk to him and I'll leave her here with you. Don't worry." He whispered and left with his father. Neither of them spoke till they were outside and walking in a quiet green area.

"So son, is he our son in law to be?" His father had put an arm behind his back and gave him a tuck on the shoulder bringing him close.

"Maybe… I don't know yet… I kinda hope so. But he… you know…" The words were hard to find, but he knew that talking to his father would make everything so much better.

"I like him. He kinda reminds me of your mother." He received another firm shake.

"He does? How?" He had never really noticed Nick as having something in common with his own mother.

"Yeah. When you were born, she was like he is with Louise. It's small things, like how he looks at her and touches her. And how proud he is of her." The happiness in his fathers' voice was unmistakable.

"He does fuzz over her a lot." He took a deep breath preparing himself for what he needed to say.

"And you son; surely looked like this picture my mother took of me standing behind your mother at the hospital when you were born."

"Dad… I've… I used to flirt with him a lot before the explosion… And I thought that… I had plenty of time." He paused and his father just waited for him to continue.

"I just… you were sick and I needed you." Tears were running down his cheeks and the words came out in the most whining way.

"I just couldn't deal with having come so close to dying." They had stopped and he was crying into his fathers' shoulder. The strong arms wrapped around him comforted him more than any counseling session in the past two years had done.

"I felt like the explosion was all my fault and Sara got injured too. It hurt so bad and all the time in the hospital and now Nick is laying in there like that and it is so humiliating. I couldn't… When I returned to work my hands were shaking and I couldn't do my job like I used to. I kept questioning myself about everything I did and I just felt like such a dimwit. Somehow…" He drew in a long trembling breath and carried on.

"I'm so sorry dad. I totally lost sight of everything after that stupid explosion." He hiccupped the words out standing enclosed in his fathers' arms.

"Greg son, you had a traumatic experience and it can take a long time. You put on blinkers to survive." The low rumble of his fathers' words took the top of his anxiety.

"Guess I did. Being alive became…" He broke down by the thought of how he had wasted two years of his life only attempting to live.

"You survived and that is a hard thing to deal with. Why were you chosen to suffer and not die? It's only natural to ask yourself that. I know that you needed me, but… having a tumor even a benign one is no walk the fucking park." He cried even harder at the thought of his fathers' potential death.

"But we're both here today alive. And you have made me a grandfather. You know most people get at least 6 months to prepare for that." His father ruffled his hair.

"Hey you know me. It's all or nothing." The emotional rollercoaster ride came to a gentle stop as he knew it would once he'd had a chance to talk to his father, his eternal emotional guide.

"Oh yeah. Now where could you have got that from?" The old joke referred as always to his mother.

"You chose her for your mate." He bantered back.

"So son why don't we head back, so I can get to know my little granddaughter?"

"Sure if you can pry her away from Nick." He wiped his eyes and gladly accepted the tissue his father held out for him.

"He does seem very fond of her. What is he like normally?"

"Nice, he's a gentleman and he has got this to-die-for smile. We've always had good chemistry, ha ha." As they walked back to the hospital he talked nonstop about Nick.

In the lobby they met Nick's father barking orders into his cell phone. When he saw them he ended the call and followed them up.

"It seems like I have to go back." Mr. Stokes sighed and studied them with a scary intensity. He felt worse than a bug must under Grissom's stare.

"Well they won't hold him for that long. Just until they've got the ant bites under control." He received a court nod from Mr. Stokes.

"Oh Bill is everything okay?" Nick's mother asked even if her whole body language gave away that she already knew different. His own mother was sitting on the floor playing with Louise and Nick slept snoring lightly. He wondered if that sound would annoy him over time or if it would please him.

"No. I gotta go back. Any news from the doctors?" The women shook their heads and he sat down next to Louise.

"Do we have to leave now Bill?" Mrs. Stokes put a deliberately plea in her voice and he recognized it from Nick.

"We'll wait till he wakes up." Mr. Stokes had moved over to stand behind his wife looking at his son with troubled eyes.

"Maybe we should go to your place Greg?" His father knelt down next to him accompanied by the popping sound from old knees.

"Could you do some shopping first? I mean I haven't got all that much for this little beauty." Louise pulled on his left ear and he had to stifle his yelp of pain not to wake Nick. His mother drew out a pen and some paper from her handbag. Together they made a list of the most basic stuff and he had no idea how he was going to be able to afford it all. His parents took off with a promise to return later with his digital camera so he could take pictures of Louise.

Nick woke up just before dinner and was of course put out of it by his parents' eminent departure. After some tears and a lot of comforting words the couple left.

"Greg?" The ‘Stokes'-plea wasn't lost on him.

"Yes." He leaned back in the chair waiting for whatever was to come.

"Have you been crying?" The sweet care in those words melted his heart and released a few more tears.

"Yeah, actually howling my face off would be a more appropriate choice of words." The guard dog nurse entered with their food putting a hold on their conversation.

"I made sure that her food is the right one. I got quite an earful over yesterdays serving." She flicked her head and smiled her knowing smile at them.

"She is the strangest of them all." Nick mused as he gave his soup a discontent look.

"What; is it the same as yesterday?" He presented his goofy grin to the displeased Texan.

"No, it has the wrong color." Nick took a spoonful and showed him the greenish fluid.

"Hmm yeah, like somebody has had way too much parsley." He laughed and began to feed Louise her porridge.

"But the color only becomes affected if you have an infection, doesn't it?" Nick hadn't caught the joke and in his attempt not to laugh he swallowed his potato wrong leaving him coughing hard.

"G. are you alright?" Nick's face lost all color as the panic settled in him. It took him a lot of coughing and some water before he was rid of the potato.

"I'm okay. Just got it down the wrong way. Sorry man, didn't mean to upset you." His voice sounded like a door squeaking after his coughing fit. Louise just stared at him with her big blue eyes.

"You really had me worried there." Nick's words softened and his face regained its color.

"I'm fine. It takes more than a potato to do me in." The squeak had almost gone from his voice and just to prove his point he went for another potato.

"Hmm I surely hope so. Do I have to eat this?"

"Stop whining Nick. You ought to know by now that the way out of here is eating your food, taking your meds and no scratching." He put on a mothering voice. That earned him a slap on the arm and a frown.

"Very funny. Here I am all worried about you and all you do is boss me around." Nick continued to whine.

"Well somebody has to boss you around, you like that don't you?" He couldn't help the very suggestive flirt and it had Nick turning into a tomato.

Ignoring Nick he fed Louise some more porridge and ate more of his own food.

"What if I do?" He barely heard Nick's embarrassed whisper.

"Then you've come to the right place." He gave Nick the sexiest smirk he could muster and picked up some spilled porridge from Louise. It somehow added to his superiority over the older Texan that he was feeding her at the same time.

"When you've been with… guys are you always top?" Nick shone bright red and his voice was so unlike his normal simply out of embarrassment.

"Top, bottom, dominator, dominated whatever pleased me."

"Bottom… How come we end up talking about sex when we are eating?" The blush on Nick's face faded and he began eating the soup.

"Food, sleep, sex, shelter are basic needs. So it's only natural." Louise spat out the porridge he had just given her and he figured that she had probably had her fill.

"Oh yeah that's Ma… What is it called? You know that pyramid stating your needs."

"Can't remember, but when we get out of here we can Google for it."

"So you'd been howling you said." Nick had obviously had enough sex-talk for the moment. In between mouthfuls of food he told Nick about his conversation with his father. In return Nick told him what had happened between their mothers.

"My momma asked if… you know we're an item." Nick held the glass for Louise as she drank.

"It seems like everybody thinks so these days." He lapsed into a pensive mood.

"I've always loved that concentrated pout on you." Nick caught him off guard and he wished he had mirror, because he had no idea how he looked at that moment.

"Huh?"

"Hmm, the way you totally focus on something and it's like you have to force your lips together to hold your tongue in. It just looks so sweet." Nick definitely could do with a lesser dosage.

"Maslow." The name dawned on him while he tried to come up with an appropriate come back for Nick's sweet talk.

"What…? Oh the guy with the pyramid of needs." Nick sported a confused look and he couldn't really blame him with the way they had jumped topics for the past 10 minutes.

"Have you finished your soup Nick?" He craned his neck to look into the bowl.

"Almost and it tastes worse than protein powder." Nick spooned up the last and swallowed it.

After their meal Louise needed a change of clothes and Nick insisted on helping. It was clumsy work undressing her simply because Nick cradled her too much leaving him very little room to work. For each hour that passed he became more and more certain that he indeed would come to live with Nick. But he kept telling himself that Nick was still influenced by very strong drugs and that he might have a change of heart once ‘sober'.

The guard dog nurse retrieved the plates and he went to give Louise a fresh diaper. Since the last time he had been to bathroom a changing table had appeared and he wondered what made him/her/Nick so special. When he came back his parents were in Nick's room.

"Hey, we brought the camera as promised." His mum spoke English probably out of courtesy to Nick. He laid Louise down next to Nick ignoring his mothers' outstretched arms. Nick gently wrapped a protective arm around her.

"I'll just walk my parents out alright?" Nick nodded and they left the room.

"Do you think that he's ever gonna give her back to you?" The concern in his fathers' voice made an additional puzzle piece find its rightful place.

"I have my doubts. He's actually asked me to move in… as roommates for starters."

"Whatever you choose we'll be here for you." His mother hugged him and whispered: "Jeg elsker deg."

He whispered the same words of endearment back and then she launched into a long explanation of what they had bought for Louise and how it was all a gift from them to their first grandchild.

(A/N: Jeg elsker deg= I love you)

He came back to a sleeping duo and took a picture of them without the use of the flash, knowing it would disrupt Nick too much. They both slept for two hours and he hardly took his eyes of them at any time afraid that he might miss something. His father had left him a blank journal and a pen telling him to confide in it when things got too big.

Is this what I want?
Do I want to live with Nick?
What do I want?
I want Louise.

He drew a heart above the ‘i' in Louise and after 10 minutes with the pen hovering above ‘Nick' he replaced the dot there by a heart too. It was most likely one of the most girly things he had ever done and he felt proud. The decision had been made; all he had to do now was to wait for Nick to be out of the hospital and off the meds. If he could wait that long.

"Mr. Sanders?" The guard dog nurse popped her head in.

"Yes." He whispered as he rose from his chair.

"Mr. Grissom is on the phone." He left quietly and took the phone.

"Hi."

"How is he doing?" Grissom sounded like he was speaking into a can.

"A bit better, but he still gets confused easily."

"How are you doing?" The mothering act from Grissom would take some getting used to.

"Better, I had a long… talk with my dad." No need for his boss to know that he had cried his eyes out.

"Good. Cath and Warrick will probably drop by later." The concern so evident that he wished he could reach out and comfort his boss physically.

"Okay, he and Louise are sleeping right now. You know it wasn't their fault."

"Well it's not that easy to believe Greg." Grissom sighed heavily.

"He's gonna be fine. We found him in time." He tried to sound happy.

"Yeah, oh I gotta go, bye." Grissom hung up as if he had been disturbed.

The guard dog nurse had responded to a call while he spoke to Grissom so he made it back to Nick's room without delay. It was so tempting to bend down and kiss Nick as he lay there all relaxed in his sleep, but he fought the urge and sat down in the not so comfortable chair. The journal hidden in the pram begged for him and he soon found himself writing again.

No need to beat about the bush (who came up with that anyway).
I want Nick. All of him.
He will be the perfect ‘mother' for Louise.
I love Nicholas Stokes.

Once again hearts sneaked in wherever they could and despite the complaints from his more masculine side he couldn't help feeling like a teenager in love, a teenage girl for all he cared. A little romantic voice in his head started to play with names: Sanders-Stokes, Stokes-Sanders, Greg Stokes, Nick Sanders. If he had ever doubted what being in love meant he knew for sure now.

Nick woke up a after another hour and they talked quietly about everything and nothing. They updated each other on what had happened since the team was split and they told small anecdotes of their lives before Las Vegas. The only physical contact he allowed was holding hands, despite the ever growing need for more.

As promised Warrick and Cath showed up and he could've sworn that Warrick smelled of pussy. Louise had woken just before they arrived and she was more than happy to play with Catherine's hair. They didn't stay for long, it seemed like they just needed the reassurance that Nick was still there.

"Do you think that he had gone down on her?" Nick asked and he just nodded breaking into a goofy smile.

"Maslow!" His comment made Nick laugh and it was the real Nick-laugh, a sound he would never get tired of hearing.

Over the following days Nick improved enough to finally go home. He and Louise stayed with Nick nearly all the time, since every time he tried to leave Nick went into a panic attack. His parents brought him and Louise fresh clothes, but as the days went by he was longing to get outside for more than just a short walk while Nick slept under the watchful eye of Grissom.

When the day to go home arrived Grissom picked the three of them up at the hospital and drove them to Nick's place, where they were met by both his and Nick's parents. Grissom stayed and had dinner with them and it could have passed for any normal dinner if it wasn't for Nick jumping at every sound coming from the street or the house.

It all had this backwards feeling; everybody acted like they were an old married couple and everybody just assumed that they would be living together from now on. It annoyed him that people were crowding them like that. He needed a proper beginning and not this haphazard start. Sitting at Nick's dinner table enjoying one his mothers' famous desserts all he wanted was to go home with Louise and stay there alone for the next week.

"Are you okay with sleeping on the couch tonight?" Nick asked when they had both gone to the bathroom to change Louise. He grabbed the changing table hard and a small part of his mind wondered where it had come from, but the rest of him focused on what he was about to say.

"No I'm not. I'm gonna sleep in my own apartment tonight. You have your parents here with you." He tried not to sound rejecting but it was harder than he thought. Nick's face dissolved in sheer panic.

"But you promised… to be there for me." The panic raised Nick's voice an octave and the sobs broke it making the word come out stumbling after each other.

"I did! And I still am. But you need to… I need to… Listen Nick, just humor me and then if it all goes to hell you call me and I'll be right over. It's just that Louise hasn't even been to my place yet." He ran out of breath and courage. It would be so easy to stay and let Nick have his way.

"But… you can't…. just go like that, I… love you." Nick was crying and his heart shattered when Nick played the love-card.

He knew that all he had to do to stop Nick's tears was to kiss him; it took every ounce of willpower in his body not to.

"I love you too. Call me old-fashioned but I want to have a date with you first. One where you haven't had any meds for a week." His own tears made wet spots on Louise's blouse and he wiped his eyes with an irritated move. Nick embraced him and squeezed him so tight he could hardly breathe, even after his hospital stay Nick was still so much stronger than him.

"I know, I know. I just can't imagine falling asleep and you not being there." Nick sobbed into his neck.

"You gotta try. I'll tuck you in before I leave, is that okay?" He felt Nick nod and the faint hint of stubble rubbing on his neck fried his brain. "We better finish with her changing." He gently freed himself from Nick and turned his attention to Louise again.

Their parents had cleaned up the kitchen when they emerged from the bathroom and his mother took Louise from Nick with a look that left no room for arguments.

"I'll be right with you, I'm just gonna see Nick to bed." They sauntered of towards Nick's bedroom and Nick took his hand holding on tightly; like he was afraid to become lost on the way.

Nick crawled under the covers and curled into the fetal position clutching the toy seal and the ‘woobie'. He caressed the Texan and sang for him hoping that he at least could make it home. The phone had been placed on the nightstand for Nick's comfort. It took 2½ songs before Nick drifted off and he walked out the bedroom leaving the door fully open and the lights on.

His mother drove on the way home and he sat in the back next to a sleeping Louise.

"She has picked up in activity in the last few days hasn't she?" He feared like many other parents that something was wrong with his child.

"She has. There's just been a lot of new stuff for her to get used to. It drains her like it does us." His father had turned round and looked at him with his ‘don't worry' look.

"Yeah I guess, I was just getting worried." Apart from being worried he was tired and scared and in love. It had been extremely painful for him to leave Nick to the care of his parents. But he had made a choice and he would do what he could to stand by it.

Two hours and 7 minutes after he left the phone rang jolting him out of his sleep. "Sanders." He mumbled as he tried to make his way back to the living.

"It's me." Nick hitched out in sobs and he was wide awake in a split second.

"What's wrong baby?" His mouth faster than his brain and he scolded himself mentally.

"I was back in the box. It was all dark." Nick's sobs made the words fall apart.

"You're in your own bed and all you have to do is flick the switch." He wondered who had switched off the lights, because he had made sure to leave them on.

Nick said something else but his sobs drowned the words and he tried his best to coo and comfort while struggling to get into his clothes. The cries on the other end just grew stronger and he grabbed Louise and he was out the door before he realized that Nick had called him on his landline and not on his cell. "Nick I'm gonna call you up from my cell, all you have to do is switch the call." The sob on the other end sounded more controlled and he hoped that Nick had understood him.

Louise woke and started screaming when he started the car. It was the worst drive he had ever performed with a hysterical Nick on the phone and a baby crying her eyes out on the backseat. For the first time in over a year he wished for some of those pills that could quell anxiety. It wasn't until he got out of the car that he realized that he hadn't put on any t-shirt and the wind made his skin break out into goose-bumps.

Nick's mother stood in the open door waiting for him when he ran up to the house.

"He only wants you." Her face was a blur of tears and her words a mere whisper.

"Take her and bring her in when I say so." He pressed the screaming baby into her arms and rushed into Nick's bedroom praying that it wasn't as bad as it sounded.

It was worse.

The image of Nick sitting in one corner rocking back and forth with the phone to one ear, clutching the ‘woobie' and seal and screaming from the top of his lungs burned into his mind forever. He dropped to his knees next to Nick and gathered as much of the man in his arms as he could. Nick flinched at his touch and he relaxed it considerably waiting for Nick to recognize him.

"It's me Greg." He repeated the words in a calm soothing way to no avail. He moved back and slapped Nick on the cheek hard and suddenly to bring him out his world of panic. It worked enough for Nick to show some sign of recognition and he was allowed to hold him. Nick's hysterical sobs slowly changed into something sounding like words but not quite. He just held the crying man for what seemed like an eternity.

"Louise?" Nick asked for her when the worst tremors had left his body.

"She's right here. Your mother has got her out in the living room." He whispered.

"I want her." Nick's voice grew clear and demanding.

"Mrs. Stokes you can come in now with her." He called out figuring that she had most likely hovered close to Nick's bedroom all the time.

"Here you go son." She handed Nick Louise and he took the phone and the seal from Nick who insisted on keeping his ‘woobie'. Louise's eyes were burning red from all her screaming and she was fidgeting about in Nick's arms clearly not happy. Her presence worked wonders on Nick though.

"Sorry." Nick looked at him with eyes so dark and clouded that he had to struggle to hold the gaze.

"Nothing to be sorry about. You just panicked." He soothed stroking Louise on the head for his own comfort.

"When does it get better?" Nick sniffled.

"When I was laying there waiting for you to come I thought everything would be alright once you found me." Nick continued in an unsteady voice. "But now it just seems to get worse."

"It's just your mind catching up on what happened. It takes a while to accept stuff that bad and then move on." His voice dropped to a whisper but he still continued.

"Just don't take as long as me." He firmed his hold on the Texan and Louise. "Promise you won't leave!" Nick demanded the only thing he couldn't promise, yet.

"I won't leave tonight, but tomorrow I'll take her for a walk and you'll just have to wait until I come back. You need to learn to be alone again."

"Nick relax!" Nick had drawn back at his words and he knew it had come out all wrong.

"I still want you! I still love you! But you have to let yourself heal. It won't be long. I promise." Nick still eyed him suspiciously and he so badly wanted to kiss all of Nick's sorrows away.

"I… maybe you're right, it's just so bloody confusing to have you… almost."

"If I hadn't been through the explosion I would have jumped at the first chance you gave me. But I know how the brain reacts, I know that it needs time to catch up and I know that it would just end in tears if you weren't to have that time." He moved his hands in soothing motions over his two most treasured people in the world.

"I love you both so much." He needed to say it, he needed to let Nick know that it was true and he needed Louise almost as much as Nick.

It took all the strength he could muster to get Nick into the bed and the fact that Nick was still holding Louise didn't make it any easier. Nick curled protectively around Louise and he lay down on the other side to prevent Louise from accidentally falling of the bed. He placed a hand on Nick, a habit he had adopted in the hospital, so he would know what state Nick was in at all times.

"Will you sing that one about the troll-mother again?" Nick's voice held the innocent plea of a three year old and he complied singing the old lullaby till Nick was breathing rhythmically. He was exhausted mentally and there were so many feelings milling about in his brain that he felt the onset of a powerful headache. When he realized that sleep unfortunately was far off he sat about sorting out at least a few of those feelings.

"Greg?" Nick's mother whispered from the doorframe.

"Yes, he's asleep now" He whispered back, careful not to move so he would wake Nick.

"Can we talk?" She walked over to him and squatted next to the bed also careful not to touch the bed.

"Sure, I can't sleep anyway." Since the light was on she couldn't hide her bloodshot eyes and he knew he had a matching pair.

"I felt so useless him screaming like that and only wanting you." Her voice was soft and sad.

"Oh what have they done to my poor baby?" Tears had begun to roll down her cheeks.

"Made him suffer, made us all suffer." He whispered unable to restrain his own tears.

"I counted his pills before. He's only taken the antihistamine and the mild painkillers." She was fighting to keep her voice low and calm at the same time.

"But that means… Oh my God he is such a fool." The doctor had told Nick about easing of the meds and how you never did a cold turkey with meds like that.

"Shall I get them for him?" He told her what pills to bring as he could feel Nick's uneasy stir under his hand. As Mrs. Stokes left he softly sang the lullaby again and Nick relaxed in his sleep.

"Thank you Mrs. Stokes." He said when she gave him the pills for Nick.

"Call me Jillian… It seems like we'll be family soon so you might as well… call me Jillian." Her words were a bit hesitant and since he didn't really know her he felt rather insecure and self-conscious.

"Okay, well thank you …Jillian." He said her name testing it for effect.

"You know I already have 5 sons in law?" He nodded.

"Well I knew that Nick wasn't… all that straight, but it… you. He really dotes on you." She looked at him with the same intensity that he had seen Nick use on suspects and it made his skin crawl; which in turn reminded him that he was only wearing a pair of jeans and that thought produced a full body blush that was very visible in the lighted room.

"Why don't I get a blanket for you, it looks like they're not gonna share." She pointed to Nick and Louise all curled up under the comforter.

She had said son in law. When had his life become everybody else's business? It had flattered him at first in the hospital but now it was driving him mad. He wanted to have a say in when and where, he wanted to seduce Nick after all the rules of attraction and he wanted to enjoy the first months of falling in love with only the person that he had fallen in love with.

"Here you go Greg." She handed him the blanket from the couch, the same one Nick would wrap up in when they played videogames. Both he and Warrick had teased Nick a great deal about his habit, but like most things it just became as natural to them as to Nick.

"Thank you Jillian." He looked at her and then at Nick.

"You know nothing… intimate has happened between us… yet."

"I nearly lost my little boy. All I want is him to be happy and alive." Her voice was low and quivering.

"I want the same, but I also want my privacy back… and his." She backed out of the room staring at him with a look of first contempt then more realization blended into it.

He held the blanket up to his nose inhaling the scent of Nick, it was a bit silly he figured as the man was laying right there next to him.

"Greg, Greg, Greggo, Greggoooooooo." A voice penetrated his sleep and insisted on pulling him away from the surfboard.

"Greggo are you awake?" He opened his eyes and stared into so dark brown eyes they were borderline black.

"Hmm not yet." He mumbled still trying to figure out where he was and who those eyes belonged to.

A hand running over his right nipple ripped the last sleep from his mind. He reached out to feel for Louise since the eyes held his in deadlock.

"My mother took her to give us some privacy." Nick panted in a low needy voice. His heart skipped a beat and then took off at break neck speed. It what was he yearned for and he could feel a certain part of his body betraying his decision.

He reached an arm out behind to feel for the pills left for Nick and found them gone. That could only mean that Nick had taken them and that he now was high as a kite. The black eyes were swimming a bit and he knew for sure that he had to put a stop to Nick.

"Nick please… please don't." He caught the hand traveling down towards his waistline.

"I want you Greggo, I want my little Greggo." Nick panted.

"Nick!" He made his voice firm and it was so hard to say no.

"Come on Greggo, you know you want to. You know you want to fuck me." He wondered which one of the pills that made Nick like this knowing only too well that normal-Nick would never say that to somebody he hadn't had sex with before.

"Not when you are high." He pushed Nick away and sat up shaking with frustrations.

"Fuck me. Please Greggo fuck me!" Nick's hands now roamed his own body. He took the blanket and walked out of the bedroom with tears running down his cheeks. Nick didn't call after him, the Texan just moaned and groaned as he rode the waves of the drugs.

Crying he threw himself on the couch and wrapped the blanket, the very Nick blanket around him. It burned in his back for the first time in more than a year and 5-year old Greg dominated in his head calling for his dad making his headache worse. He could only too clearly hear Nick jerking off and the thought of having to clean Nick up afterwards when the drugs or the orgasm brought him down again made him feel sick.

"That's your hand, that's Grandma's nose, that's your ear, that's Grandma's necklace." Of all the things he'd ever woken to in his life this took the price for strangeness. In the armchair next to the couch sat Jillian Stokes playing with his daughter as if she were her grandmother.

"Oh you're awake." Jillian looked at him with a big smile on her face, not so unlike Nick's.

"Yeah, I guess so." His brain made a vain attempt at sounding smart and failed miserably.

"As you can hear the Stokes men are having a snoring competition." She giggled and his brain allowed the heavy snoring to penetrate his consciousness.

"Hmm, you been sitting here long?" He moved into a more sitting position keeping the blanket wrapped tightly around him.

"About an hour, I think Bill's snoring woke her." She shared another big smile with Louise.

"Greg, me and Bill we'll be going home later today. He doesn't need us here; he needs you and this little darling." Jillian bounced Louise on her knee. "I heard him earlier…" She looked at him as if she needed his permission to continue.

"I don't know much about gay-sex." She blurted when he nodded.

"Do you want to?" Was he about to have a sex-conversation with Nick's mother? His head was hurting so bad that his brain only then caught up with his mouth.

"He asked you to… arhm… you know." She became tomato-red in her face and he took over.

"Have sex with him." He didn't feel like elaborating on the fact that her son had wanted him to fuck him.

"He didn't put it like that." She stammered still blushing hard.

"I know, he… ehm… there's…" He trailed off taking a moment to gather his thoughts.

"Okay, when it comes to gay-guys there are some who are tops and some who are bottoms and a lot who just have sex either way." He took a deep breath and she nodded for him to carry on. It felt worse than any testimony he'd ever had to give.

"Most tops thinks that their…" He looked at her and Louise not really wanting his little girl to hear what he had to say.

"You can say ass, she'll learn soon enough." Jillian's blush had diminished somewhat.

"Right, okay top-guys believe that their asses are exits only. Bottoms… well some take it up their ass…" He was ready for that big old black hole.

"Because they're submissive others because they want to be as female as possible, but most that I've met do it because it feels really good." He swallowed hard seeking for moisture to his dry mouth.

"It's that prostate thing right?" She was sporting a very courtroom professional mask.

"Yes and for women… well like we men can never know what stimulation of a clitoris is like…" His brain and mouth were having serious trouble cooperating.

"Then you can never know what it feels like to have the prostate stimulated." He studied the carpet like he had never seen one before hoping that the stars on it were produced by his headache.

"Have you and Nick talked about… this you know sex?" Her professional mask faltered again and he nodded.

"At the hospital, the way he was earlier… it started in the hospital. Sometimes we would just find ourselves talking about sex and sometimes he wanted… more than just talk." He was more than ready to prove Sara right about spontaneous combustion.

"What is he?" She asked quietly while smoothing Louise's clothes for any crease real or imaginary.

"He said bottom, but he hasn't… tried… eh gone all the way that many times." His face burned almost as much as his back.

"What about… you know … safe sex?" Jillian looked cautiously at him.

"I was a teenager in the late eighties where the aids-scare was at it highest. I mean we sat in class learning how to roll condoms on carrots. So I got the picture and have never gone barebacked." The conversation was getting to him and he wasn't sure that he could manage to keep a straight face for much longer.

"Did you talk to him about that?" How could she not see that he was dying?

"Yeah, it seems that he has… played it safe too. Besides we get tested twice a year because of the job. For all kinds of blood transmitted diseases that is." He felt like he was on fire and the first wave of nausea washed over him.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm just curious and strangely…" She trailed off clearly searching for the right words.

"Intrigued! Most women are by gay-sex." He stated and when she nodded he elaborated.

"A lot of gay-porn is actually written by women. I think it's because gays are known to be more sensitive and women like to see that in a man, but they won't choose a guy for it."

"They want an alpha-male." She interrupted him and he nodded.

"The unknown attracts, especially if we can never have it." She continued.

Louise did her frown that meant she would need a diaper change in less than five minutes. Jillian held her out to him.

"I think she needs her daddy."

"Yeah, come here you little diaper abuser. Eh… Jillian by the way where did changing table come from?" He had forgotten to ask Nick earlier.

"He asked us to get one." She smiled apologetic. He sighed and shook his head regretting the move immediately.

He sat Louise down on the bathroom floor and dropped to his knees in front of the toilet knowing that the headache was about to turn into a damn close imitation of a migraine.

"Åh din pappa har det ikke særlig bra." He managed before the retching began. It took three big heaves and two small ones before it was over. While he'd had his head in the bowl Louise had found the toilet-brush and overturned it and its container.

While he was busy cleaning the toilet she found the toilet paper and began to roll it out.

"Will you stop?! My head hurts, I feel sick and I need to change you. Stop that." He lifted her up on to the changing table and locked eyes with her. She made a few gaga sounds and reached for his hair.

"You're hopeless. You know that don't you?" He cooed and sat about changing her unable to be angry with her.

Somehow he managed to brush his teeth, find a headache pill and put the bathroom back together before Jillian came looking for him.

"Are you okay?" She asked when he reentered the living room.

"Nah, I got a real bad headache. It's not migraine but it comes close. And she made an attempt at taking the bathroom apart. The little devil." He smiled at Louise.

"Your back?" She asked in that courtroom voice.

"Yeah what about it?" His brain was slightly numb from the pill and he was beyond caring.

"It's from that explosion right?" He nodded and she continued.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Not really, it does now but I'm sure it's just because of the stress and the headache." He laid down on the couch with Louise and let the effect of the painkiller relax him.

"I'll go in and turn Bill over and see if we can get some peace." She walked off to the guest bedroom and he felt the steady rhythm of Louise's breath dragging him towards sleep.

"I'm sorry about before." Nick said before he managed to fall asleep.

"It's okay." He mumbled keeping his eyes closed.

"No it's not." Nick ran a hand over his cheek.

"Not to sound like a cliché but I've got a splitting headache." He sat up slightly and opened his eyes. Nick was standing behind the couch looking like sorry personified.

"I heard some of what you and momma talked about and that you got sick." Nick's words were so soft they felt like a gentle caress.

"Hmm, she's a bit intimidating. I sometimes get a migraine-like headache and usually when I desperately need to stay focused. It only happens like once every other year but it's an absolute killer." Nick eased down on the couch behind him.

"I promise to keep my hands above the blanket." Nick whispered and he allowed the Texan to wrap the strong arms around him and his little girl.

"So is this normal-Nick?" He asked hoping for the best.

"Scared-Nick I think, but definitely not horny-Nick. When I realized… it was really scary." Nick sounded so embarrassed.

"I know momma can be a bit… you know inquisitive. But I think you passed with flying colors. Did you take something for the headache?" Nick's low rumble was very comforting.

"Yeah I found some in you bathroom and took a half, I react pretty strongly to them and would just have ended throwing it up if I took the whole one." Being sandwiched between the two strong heartbeats relaxed him enough to fall asleep.

A sharp pain to his throat brought an abrupt end to his dolphin-surfing.

"Sorry, she's too fast for me." Nick said from behind him sending vibrations through his body. He opened his eyes and all he saw was Louise being lifted by Nick's arms from behind him.

"Been awake long?" He murmured still not quite lucid.

"About half an hour, she woke me. I think she's got a thing for my nose."

"How's the head?" Nick's question made him do a careful check on his state of pain.

"Definitely better. How long to the doctors' appointment?" He yawned and stretched as much as he could considering that he was half laying on Nick.

"Three hours, so I'm thinking I should make us all some breakfast and you can go and have a shower." Nick sounded so normal and he hated that it could change in an instant. He hated that he couldn't just turn around and kiss and touch the strong beautiful body.

"Nick, I didn't bring any clothes, heck I didn't even get proper dressed last night." He turned and looked awkwardly at Nick.

"It's okay you can borrow some of mine." Nick looked at him with those lovely dark eyes and he turned and looked at Louise to avoid doing something he wasn't ready for.

"Yeah right you may not be taller than me, but all that beefcake takes up a lot more clothing than my slender youthful torso does."

"Beefcake???!! My carefully toned muscles. You're just jealous, you scrawny little field mouse." Nick bantered back and it felt so much like the good old days, before explosions and burials.

"Field mouse?!" His voice hit an all time high with mock indignation.

"Yeah you're no longer in the lab; hence you've been demoted from lab rat to field mouse." Nick grinned and that big smile was just so kissable.

"Well you better find some clothes for me or do you want me to go naked with you to the doctor, so I can get arrested for indecent behavior?" He started to move off the couch.

"I kinda like the idea of you naked. But not arrested." Nick said as he got up from the couch too. For a short moment he feared that horny-Nick had taken over until Nick mouthed ‘sorry'.

He followed Nick into the bedroom where the Texan dug out a pair of boxers from a drawer and a t-shirt. The t-shirt was in a stretchy fabric and he knew that he never seen Nick in it, he would so have remembered if Nick had worn a spray-on shirt. Next item Nick handed him was a pair of black jeans, no surprise in that. The only surprise was how small they were compared to what he normal saw Nick in. Nick added a belt on top of the pile and disappeared out into the kitchen with Louise.

In the bathroom he made a quick survey of Nick's hair products and to his surprise he found both shampoo and conditioner in his favorite brand. He stood back and gave the whole bathroom the CSI look-over. Since he had been there last, which was no more than two months ago, several things had appeared. The toothpaste he preferred, a hairdryer, styling gel and mousse and the toothbrush he had used last night had still been in the wrapping.

The changing table, a disposable razor his brand, an aftershave and deodorant in his brand and even the kind of lotion that he always kept a bottle of in his locker. As he looked around the list just grew and grew. Somehow Nick had gotten all the toiletries that he and Louise would need. It both scared and amazed him, because he had spent next to 24/7 with Nick since he had adopted Louise.

The shower and the shave refreshed him, though the nights' headache and interrupted sleep still lingered. He dressed in his borrowed feathers and apart from not really being his style he was quite pleased with his reflection in the mirror. Knowing how obsessive Nick had become with his hair he did it to damn near the best chaos perfection he had ever managed.

(A/N: dagdrommer helped me with the Norwegian in the story and for that I am grateful.

Åh din pappa har det ikke særlig bra= oh your daddy don't feel to well.)

"Okay time to face the music." He muttered under his breath as he left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.

"Come on now, no Louise don't… Argh not my nose you little…" Nick's voice suddenly became very nasal and he couldn't help the smile spreading across his face, she was definitely worthy of being his daughter.

"So Stokes who left this outfit behind?" He asked as innocently as possible.

"No one." Louise still had a firm grip on Nick's nose making him sound all funny.

"So I'm to believe that you actually wear this?" He kept up the innocent act. "Yeah, when I go clubbing." Nick was so focused on Louise that he answered before he could think and when his brain caught up he blushed. The Texan sat Louise down in a highchair and turned to the coffeemaker.

"Clubbing, who'd thought? Do they play country music there?" He had forgotten how good their banters had been for his mental health.

Nick poured him coffee and when he turned around there was an even darker shade of red surrounding the dark eyes.

"No, it's more like … gay clubs." For a guy out of the closet Nick was still clearly uncomfortable.

"I'd love to see you in this." He ran his hands down over his torso and pelvis. Nick followed the path of his hands as mesmerized.

"Eh… sure I… eh it…" Nick was saved by the buzz from the toaster.

"So Stokes what's up with the aftershave and deodorant and changing table…?" Eyeing the highchair with Louise he took a deep breath before he continued.

"And the highchair and the razor and the toothpaste." He ran out of breath. Nick grabbed the back of the highchair and stared down on Louise's hair.

"Nothing." The whisper from Nick was wrapped in embarrassment.

"Cough it up Stokes." The demand in his tone was unmistakable.

Nick returned to the breakfast making all while he tried to start a coherent sentence.

"Nick listen! It's kind of overwhelming and I do feel kinda railroaded here." He waited giving Nick a chance to say something, but the Texan was still beyond words.

"Nick please say something!" Nick chewed on his lower lip still not talking.

"Nicholas Stokes! I want to know how and when, you know basic CSI-stuff." He was shaking with anger and fear and love and the headache threatened to make a comeback.

Nick sat some of the breakfast paraphernalia on the table and he could see the birth of tears in the older mans eyes. Even though he had seen Nick cry before it still hurt him and he could so see them in 10 years with Nick crying his way through an argument and him giving in simply because he couldn't bear those tears.

"The other day when you went to her mother…" Nick kissed Louise on the hair and made a pause in his shaking whisper.

"I panicked real bad… and I just told Griss everything." Nick blinked the tears away.

"I told him that I wanted you to live with me and I… I don't know… I thought it was the right thing to do." Nick blew his nose on some kitchen paper.

He embraced Nick in a still firm grip.

"It's okay, but it would have been nice if you had given me a warning. Not about Griss I mean, but all the stuff." He spoke gently and soothing.

"I was so out of it, it was one of those that had me throwing up. When I…" Nick sniffled and he could feel the warm breath on his neck as Nick buried his head deeper into it.

"When I became aware… your dad was there and he and Griss promised to get things the way I wanted them. It's all my fault. I never meant to freak you out or railroad you."

"Let's face it. Our lives are running at pulp fiction order." Nick made a puzzled sound.

"You know the chronology is all screwed up in that movie." He felt the nod against his neck and it felt so good and right.

"And everybody, including us are acting like we're a couple and all I wanted was to fall in love and enjoy it before everybody had something to say about it." He had to let Nick know how he felt, he had to share his own pain with Nick, even though he was supposed to be the one helping Nick.

"Me too." Nick whispered into his neck.

"Good morning." Jillian startled them back to the task of getting breakfast ready.

"Morning momma." Nick let go of him and gave his mother a hug.

"Need any help?" She didn't sound like one who had spent half the night awake.

"Nah just about ready momma." Nick wiped the last tears away and handed his mother some coffee.

Breakfast was eaten without any other emotional highs. Louise was the natural point of focus for the four of them and neither missed a single move she made. He ate his breakfast mechanically as he watched Nick feed her; it was simple and normal what he saw. But to his mind it was the most awesome act of love he could recall ever having seen. If he could he would jump directly to the date he had promised Nick.

After breakfast it was all about getting ready for the doctors appointment and Nick's parents leaving. It was a welcome relief for him to finally get in the car with Louise in the backseat and Nick in the front. They drove in silence and he cast the occasional glance at Nick. Three quarters of the way there he saw beads of sweat on Nick's forehead and pulled over.

"Nick are you okay?" He turned to get a better look at the Texan.

The face had turned pale and even though the lips were tightly clenched the teeth clattered. He got out of the car and rushed round to Nick's side.

"It's okay baby, you're just panicking." He turned Nick's head in his hands. Nick stared out into the blue not seeing him. He shook the Texan hard and forced him to move out of the car. Once out Nick doubled over and his breakfast landed on the curb.

Trembling Nick leaned against the car trying to come down from his panic attack.

"Sorry, it… I… shit" Nick dropped his eyes to the ground to hide his feelings.

"It's okay Nick. Maybe you should sit in the back with Louise. I mean if you focus on her it might not be so bad." Nick nodded and got in the back without saying a word.

He closed the door after Nick and silently wished for his father, but he would deal with his own reactions later. It would be a bad idea to loose his cool in that kind of situation.

He coaxed Nick into telling the doctor the events of the night. After much discussion on the benefit of the drugs, a plan to ease Nick of them was agreed upon. The ant bites were thoroughly checked and another blood test was taken.

"So in three weeks I'm off the meds?" Nick looked hopefully at the doctor.

"If all goes well Mr. Stokes." She warned.

"Is it okay if we swing by my place on the way ho… back?" He mentally yelled at his mouth for almost betraying his dream, wish, desire, hope.

"Yeah sure." The reply from Nick was tired and indifferent.

"What's the matter?" He unlocked the car and Nick put Louise into her seat. "You called me baby before." Nick said as he fiddled with her seatbelt.

"I'm sorry, but you were off the world Nick, I didn't really think." He wondered why Nick, who had bought all that stuff for him, suddenly had become weary about being called baby.

"I liked it. And then you just returned to calling me Nick." Nick whispered disappointed.

"Eh… oh… but… eh…" His brain banned his mouth from speech as it processed what Nick had just said.

"You never call me anything but Nick." Nick had finally buckled Louise's seatbelt and he turned to look into his eyes.

"Eh… I… blah." His brain was still working hysterically for a proper explanation.

"I just don't call people all kinds of names, my mouth can't handle it. I mean it would sound a bit off if I were to call you baby out on a crime scene." He sighed with relief over finally managing to say something and that it came out in a good way.

"It'll be a while before I go out on a crime scene again." Nick shuffled his feet staring at them and the admission hit him like a ton of bricks. Nick's identity would be held in question for a long while yet to come.

"I know, but can I think about this name-thing. I mean I already use the short version of your name."

"So does everybody else." Nick was still concentrating on his feet.

"No they don't, a lot of people actually calls you Nicky." Nick looked up at him with a rather puzzled expression.

"Why don't you?" The question was so innocently put that his answer would unreasonable.

"Because I think it sounds childish, and I've never thought of you as anything but a grown up." He tried to smile reassuringly, but failed miserably.

"I like it! I think it sounds more friendly." Nick whined.

"Friendly?! I thought you wanted more than just my friendship?" The second the words left his mouth he knew it was the wrong thing to say. Nick glared at him then turned and got in the backseat not saying a word. With a heavy sigh of defeat he got behind the wheel and started the car.

"Why are you holding back if you know what I want?" Nick suddenly asked after 10 minutes of absolute silence. It was the same question that he asked himself a million times in the last few days and he still only had one answer for it.

"Because I don't want either of us to get hurt." His eyes darted up to the rearview mirror to see Nick's reaction. Nick caught his eyes and stared in disbelief.

"Get hurt?!" Nick almost shouted the two words and they hung in the car like a bomb ready to go off.

"Nicky." He tasted the name and it didn't sit right with him, he wasn't supposed to call Nick that, it was something that Grissom or Catherine would do.

"Nick can we please have this conversation when I'm not trying to maneuver us through Vegas?" He pleaded and it sounded so much like his own father when his mother drove.

"Sure, whatever." Nick slumped back in the seat and stared out on the traffic.

When they reached his apartment both Nick and Louise were sleeping and he just didn't have the heart to wake either of them. Instead he got out of the car and called his father to come down.

"So son, how did it go at the doctors?" His father slung an arm around his shoulders.

"Pretty good I think. He got a plan for easing out of the meds and one of the drugs got changed into another brand with other side-effects." He shrugged and leaned into his fathers touch.

"You look a bit shaken?" His father knew him to well.

"He panicked on the way to the hospital." He said almost reluctant to admit it.

"Over being in a car or what?" He shook his head, as he had no idea what had caused it.

"I don't know, but I dragged him out of it and doing so I called him baby." He swallowed hard.

"And then when we left the hospital he got all worked up over me calling him Nick." The struggle to keep the tears at bay became harder for each word.

Louise woke up after perhaps 10 minutes of them standing talking next to the car.

He had unloaded a good deal of his sorrows by then and they turned to her.

"Hey little darling, shall we go and see what Grandma's doing?" His father picked Louise up and headed for his apartment. He carefully placed a hand on Nick's chest.

"I'm awake." Nick grunted as he clamped a hand down on his.

"How are you?" He feared that their earlier talk had messed too much with Nick's mental state.

"Okay I guess. I've been thinking and you're right. I don't know why I sometimes can't see it. It's driving me mad that… I don't mean to be such an ass." Nick muttered and it tore a big piece out of his resistance.

"I know that, I know how screwed up the mind gets with some of these drugs. But no matter what I'll always love you." He kissed Nick on the scalp and fought off the temptation to find his lips.

"Do you think we'll disappoint each other when we finally go on that date?" The fear coated Nick's voice in shivers and he was only way too familiar with that fear.

"I hope not. We should know each other well enough not to." He repeated the kiss on the Texans head.

"Greggo you're… You better stop or I think horny-Nick may make an appearance." Nick said shyly and turned to the task of unbuckling his seatbelt.

Inside they were greeted by his father throwing Louise up into the air leaving the girl laughing loud and his mother rambling away on the phone. The speed of her speech indicated that she was talking to her own mother and he could just imagine his grandmother throwing hysterics over her third great grandchild.

"So what do you want to take?" Nick looked like he was ready to pack everything and be gone in the next five minutes.

"I want some clothes." He held up a hand to stop Nick from going into his bedroom.

"And I want to do it myself. You can find some games and DVD's, but my personal stuff I'll pack myself." He said as softly as possible not wanting to sound coldhearted. Nick gave him a shy look and moved over to the shelves with DVD's.

"Understood." Nick said in a happy confident voice which struck him as odd.

"Nick, what do say to take a walk with an old man?" His father approached Nick and maybe it was that well known Sanders-smile that made Nick agree because the two men left the apartment a minute later taking Louise with them.

"Hei Greg, kom å si hei til din mormor." his mother beckoned him over to the phone.

"Hei mormor." He knew he was in for a challenge because his grandmother spoke faster than anybody in the family.

"Hei min lille Greg, så jeg hører jeg har fått et nytt olderbarn?" The old strong voice was as clear as ever.

"Ja det er sant. Hun heter Louise Olivia Mortensen Sanders og hun er bare 10 måneder gammel." He didn't fail to hear the pride in his own voice.

"Skal du feire bursdagen hennes?" His grandmother was probably already planning on how to pamper the newest member of the family.

"Selvfølgelig." Sometimes he wished he didn't have such a fast mouth, but in for a penny in for a pound.

"Jeg kommer, skal jeg bake min spesielle kake?" The thought of his grandmothers' birthday cake made his teeth water and he happily accepted the offer.

Twenty minutes later his ear was burning and his grandmother satisfied with the information she'd dragged out of him. He handed the phone back to his mother to leave them to chat away. In his bedroom he dragged out the suitcases from under the bed and snapped off the price tags. Only then did it occur to him that he hadn't told Nick that he was going to Norway for Christmas with the whole family.

"All in good time Sanders. All in good time." He mumbled as he looked at the suitcases and his closet and his bed. He was actually looking at his own bed and it would be so good to sleep in it again. Just to test it he laid down and as he stuffed the pillow, his pillow, under his neck the way he liked it best sleep captured him.

"Ga da ihhh." Louise made contempt baby sounds right next to his ear and he reached an arm out to cradle her. But instead of landing on the mattress his hand landed on an arm. It made his brain allow his eyes to open to figure out what was going on. Next to him laid Nick protecting the little girl between them. He lifted his head to check the alarm clock and he saw that he had been out for five hours, a much needed five hours he decided.

Nick's eyes slowly opened and they acknowledged the presence of each other by a simple hello. Louise was increasing her erratic moves and he turned his attention to her. It didn't take long for either of them to register that she could do with a clean diaper.

"I'll take her, then you can pack." Nick offered and got up taking Louise with him.

"Thanks man, listen I'm sorry for…" He wasn't all that sorry about having had a good sleep, but he felt guilty about not having been there for Nick.

"You needed to sleep; besides the doc was right about me becoming drowsy with the new stuff." Nick yawned for emphasis and left the bedroom. As on cue his mother entered.

"Sleep well baby?" It had an ominous air to it that question, his mother hardly ever spoke English to him when they were alone and she hadn't called him baby in eons.

"Yeah." He sat up and took a closer look at her and found her looking all normal.

She returned his scrutinizing stare and he saw a hint of worry cross her face.

"Ok what's up?" She fiddled with a fingernail and it was so unlike for them. He and his mother normally sounded like two waterfalls joining when they talked. She came over and sat down on the bed.

"Do you think that you… that you'll be more than just a mental support beam to him?"

"A beacon in the dark, the light at the end of the tunnel or how about this one a crutch." He filled in for her; she wasn't the first to ask him just that.

"So you've thought about it?" She asked rhetorically and he nodded for good measure.

"I hate holding him off, but I want Nick, the real Nick, and not the hurting Nick on meds." He patted down creases on the sheets. The sigh of relief from his mother marked the end of serious talk as always. Instead she helped him pack and the jokes flew fast between them in Norwegian often leaving him lost for words.

With two suitcases holding the majority of his wardrobe and one with shoes, yes he needed all those different pairs, no it wasn't at all girly, he left his bedroom.

"Do you think they can be in your car?" His father never missed an opportunity to comment on his excess wardrobe.

"I'll just take two trips if need be." He panted and automatically scanned the room for Nick.

"Been to the bathroom to change her, came back, she burped, gone to the bathroom to clean up and change her again." His father stated before he returned to his new found hobby, Su doku, those Japanese number puzzles. He went to the bathroom door.

"Do you need anything Nick?"

"Eh some clothes would be nice. She eh… peed on me." Nick sounded a bit like he was dealing with a decomp and he couldn't restrain his laughter.

"It ain't funny; just get me something, some sweats." For a moment he thought about stripping out of Nick's clothes that he was wearing just to see the Texan in them, but for his own mental health he decided against it and went in search of something big enough for Nick. A minute later he was knocking on the bathroom door and a very distressed Nick opened and yanked the clothes out of his arms and shut the door again.

"Greg are you insane, there's no fu… no way I'm wearing that." Nick whined and he doubled over laughing.

"Why not, it ain't too small… is it?" He couldn't hide the mirth in his voice.

"You are joking!" Nick yanked the door open and revealed himself in a Hawaii-shirt and Bermuda-shorts. He was laughing so hard that tears came running down his cheeks.

"Greg this ain't funny, I can't wear this!" Nick's voice was high-pitched and it provoked a shriek from Louise.

Still trembling with laughter he gave up the dark sweats he had hidden behind his back.

"Argh man you… you're such a jerk." Nick swatted out after him and he ducked escaping back into the living room.

"He didn't appreciate my holiday outfit I take it?" His father remarked dryly before letting his face come apart in the classic Sanders grin.

"Guess not." He snickered before falling onto the couch trembling from laughter.

"So Greggo, who does this outfit belong to?" A far more relaxed Nick came out from the bathroom with Louise in his arms.

"Me, the other belongs to him." He pointed to his father. Nick gave him a puzzled look.

"After the explosion I needed something loose fitting." Nothing more needed to be said about that and Nick sat down on the floor to play with Louise and some blocks.

"You boys planning on going out eating or shall I make something for all us." His mother called from his kitchen, he looked at Nick and Louise before he answered.

"Make something for us. I don't think any of us is up for public display." Nick nodded in agreement and refocused on the game of him stacking blocks and Louise knocking them over again.

Two hours later with filled stomachs they left his apartment and he silently said goodbye to his many good years in that place. Nick was back in his old gentleman routine and insisted on carrying the biggest suitcase and Louise to the car. It was moments like that, that left him certain about his future, but it was also the most hurtful moments, simply because he never knew for how long he had the old normal Nick.

"Greg where are you gonna put the pram?" The trunk only took two suitcases leaving one to sit in the front.

"On the roof, there are some straps in the toolbox." He was struggling to get the suitcase in the front seat without waking Louise up. Nick let out a series of profanities as one of the straps slipped off and sent him fishing for it in the folded pram.

"Don't wake her." He whispered and backed out the door only to bump into Nick, who lost his balance and landed hard on the ground.

"Give us a hand huh?" Nick stretched a hand up and he pulled him of the ground.

"Sorry about that man." He smiled and Nick smiled and it was so the moment for a kiss to happen. Louise however thought differently and started crying. Nick went to comfort her and he finished securing the pram enabling them to be on their way.

(A/N: Dagsrommer helped me with the translations again and I am forever grateful.
Hei Greg, kom å si hei til din mormor= Hey Greg, come and say hello to your grandmother. (mormor= mothers mother)
Hei mormor= Hey Grandma. We don't have a short version, so it is always mormor.
Hei min lille Greg, så jeg hører jeg har fått et nytt olderbarn?= Hello my little Greg I hear that I have got a new great grandchild?
Ja det er sant. Hun heter Louise Olivia Mortensen Sanders og hun er bare 10 måneder gammel= Yes that's ture. Her name is Louise Olivia Mortensen Sanders and she is 10 months old.
Skal du feire bursdagen hennes?= Are you going to celebrate her birthday? Selvfølgelig= Of course
Jeg kommer, skal jeg bake min spesielle kake?= I'll be there, do you want me to bake my speciel birthday-cake?)

The following days passed with them training Nick to be alone again. It was a long and painstaking process. He would take Louise and go for a walk and return at a time unknown to Nick. In the beginning only for a few minutes to avoid panic attacks and as the days wore on for longer. Sometimes Nick would call in panic as soon as he walked out of sight making him rush back. Other times he would complete the walk and come back to a Nick occupied by something other than worry.

Those days also held several trips to the doctor and the psychiatrist for Nick and there were also plenty of arrangements to be made for Louise. He signed her up for an all night kindergarten, but the waiting list was a mile long and he had no hope of getting her in until after Christmas. So he spread the word in his family that if anybody would take a year at UNLV he had an offer for them. He also found a pediatrician for her who in return gave her a clean bill of health.

His parents had left after Nick's third day out of the hospital and he missed having his father around. He missed having some one to talk to other than Nick. It didn't matter who had come to visit, because he just couldn't talk to any his colleagues like he could with his father. So in lack of better he confided in his journal and the pages filled at a steady pace with his worries, questions, hopes, hates and loves.

He would put Nick and Louise to sleep and then go to the guest bedroom to sleep. The good nights provided him with five hours of sleep before he had to move into the other bed to comfort one or the other. It bothered him that Nick insisted on Louise sleeping in the bedroom and not in the other room in her own bed, but every time he brought it up Nick threw a hysterical fit and he gave up.

Since his was using almost all his vacation on this he decided to pretend for a few hours a day that he was at the beach, basking in the sun and doing nothing, but lay on a towel. Nick was rather apprehensive about the idea until he read that gardening was good for the health. So while he basked in the sun Nick took up gardening and started to transform the grass-patch he had threatened to pave last year into a real garden. He had sat up wireless in Nick's house since he didn't thought he was about to leave any time soon and he just couldn't live without and it meant that sunbathing could be combined with ‘surfing'.

Another habit Nick took up was daytime TV; not that it was all bad, but he drew the line at Dr. Phil. So if they didn't have an appointment, the day would be divided between the garden and the TV and whatever Louise came up with, besides the training. Grissom dropped by daily as did Cath and Warrick. Sara and Sophia only came a few times both rather stressed out from work and what he thought was more likely jealous as hell over Louise.

Grissom kept up the mothering act and he was ready to jump out of his skin on occasion and other times he just enjoyed it. It was quite a relief that Grissom would do most of the shopping for them, provided a thorough list otherwise the outcome could be rather remarkable. He had taken Nick shopping on the second day home and he had ended up leaving without any groceries and both Nick and Louise in hysterics. Nick swore after he regained control that he would never shop there again.

So the little shopping that they did together was at small local shops, where there wouldn't be too many things going on and where there only was a limited selection of groceries. If well prepared Nick could handle to go to the butcher, since then it would be all about meat, leaving no distractions to panic about.

As always he had woken early and showered before Nick and Louise even began to consider waking up. He had emailed a shopping list to Grissom at 3:30 am since he was wide awake and Nick snoring enough to wake most, but not Louise. Grissom had written back and promised to come by after shift as soon as he had completed the shopping. After his shower and prettying up session he started on breakfast and rousing out his two sleepyheads.

"Nick are you gonna wake up or do you want me to give Louise her bath?" It was a low blow but it worked and an extremely grumpy Nick took Louise and headed to the bathroom. He couldn't really blame Nick for being grumpy; the night had been a rough one with way too many nightmares. Nick had had two big ones, Louise one and he had also managed to throw in one. It was almost the same as normal but instead of it being the lab exploding it was now a coffin.

His phone vibrated and he knew before he got out that it was Grissom telling him his ETA.

‘5 minutes' the SMS said. They had learned the hard way that the doorbell was a trigger for Louise, not Nick, but Louise to start crying. He had asked Mette if she had any idea why, but so far they hadn't found the reason.

He started the coffee and cleared the counter for the shopping bags, before starting on Louise's porridge. When Grissom pulled up he was standing in the door waiting for him.

"Morning Greg." Grissom took out 4 bags and handed two of them to him.

"Morning Sir." He knew Grissom was studying him very carefully and he didn't feel like volunteering the events of the night.

"Greg; do you remember what I told you when you asked me what got my juices flowing?" Grissom said as he started to unpack.

"Eh… oh yeah, somebody who doesn't judge you." He remembered only too well the case with the fat lady and Sara and Grissom using him as a test-dummy for the millionth time or so.

"Well a shopping list like this is certain to get a man judged." Grissom waved the email that he had obviously printed off.

"Why?" He had been very meticulously about the list and made sure to have all the brands correctly down and if available the EAN-numbers.

"11 women noticed it on my way through the supermarket and all said: ‘Oh the little lady couldn't go shopping herself and you had to do it, poor thing.'" Grissom looked mighty insulted and he couldn't help but smile.

"So why didn't you just tell them that you were shopping for a 30 year old guy?" That comment earned him a glare.

"They would probably have stoned me." Grissom stated and the image of 11 mad old women changing Grissom around the supermarket lifted the night's heavy heart considerably.

"Canned, they would have canned you." He giggled and Grissom gave him that unique questioningly stare, but the eyes turned softer and the old man smiled after a while.

"I may not have appreciated your sense of humor in the past Greg, but I must admit that I miss it nowadays." They had emptied the bags and put most away when Grissom shocked him with that statement. His brain took the chance and gave permission.

"Griss have you ever had sex with another man?"

"Why do you ask?" Grissom seemed in no way shocked or surprised the only reaction was a minor frown, pulling his cheeks closer to his eyes.

"Well I've just been wondering how many people I'm gonna have to explain what it's like for two men to have sex." He was carefully folding up the shopping bags.

"I have." There was no trace of emotion in the answer.

"Thought as much. It's just… well Nicks' mother had the ‘talk' with me the first night here." He stopped abruptly and moved to the door.

He gripped the frame to the kitchen door tight as he listened; there had been an unexpected sound from the bathroom. Grissom moved and stopped a foot away listening too. Then Nick resumed his singing with Louise, it was more a shrieking contest than actual singing but it worked for the two.

"You are very strong." Grissom patted him on the shoulder.

"Huh?" Since when had he become strong?

"Most people, yours truly included, would've rushed to the bathroom." Grissom admitted shyly. He stared in utter wonder at his boss.

"He has to learn to cope on his own again. It wouldn't do him any good if I ran to his aide every time there's the tiniest thing." He returned to the task of getting breakfast ready and poured them both a cup of coffee.

"That's it? You're not gonna fry me for details?" Grissom said in wondering relief.

"About the sex? Nah. I've suddenly come to appreciate privacy very much. Maybe because I've lost mine." He swirled his coffee and looked up shyly at his boss through his eyelashes.

"Greg at work… you… people…. Hmm most assume that you are a couple already." Grissom sighed and looked mighty uncomfortable.

"Yeah, well the lab has a serious rumor mill. Personally I'm okay with it, but I can't stand the thought of them gossiping over Nick and his life." His fist clenched involuntarily and he could feel the anger build inside.

"Well Cath and Warrick are also getting the royal treat." Grissom sighed again.

"Since when do you get to hear the rumors?" When he had been in the lab Grissom was completely ignorant of any talk what so ever.

"I don't, I read them…" Grissom continued to mouth words and he hoped it was ‘I read lips' and not ‘I need hips'.

"Oh, so you've always ‘heard'?" His mind raced back to whatever he had gossiped about and he was more than embarrassed.

"I've never paid attention to it before. I mean it seemed… unimportant. I…eh the only reason that I notice now… I saw Bobby and Archie talk and your name is hard to misunderstand so I paid attention." It took his boss 4 big gulps of coffee to get it said.

"So what are they saying about Cath and Warrick?" He wanted to know if others than him and Nick had noticed something.

"That she is playing him." Grissom rolled the now empty mug from hand to hand.

"Nick and I noticed that… well they… smelled of body juices." He was blushing it was somehow very unnerving to talk about Catherine this way.

"Mmmh I concur." Grissom stopped the mug rolling for a moment before he continued.

"I have another question." Grissom nodded and he went for it.

"Do you also loose your glasses all the time?" Nick could never remember where his glasses where or the package with his contacts and it was driving him mad to always search for them.

"Uh huh, I think it is compulsory when you have glasses. But it's only at home. When I work they stay with me." Grissom added the last as an afterthought, like it was actually the glasses own choice to stay with him.

"That explains why Nick has me on a continuous search for his." He heard the bathroom door open and poured Nick's coffee.

"Good morning Griss." Nick smiled and seemed genuinely happy, Louise matched his smile.

"Good morning Nicky." Wisely Grissom didn't ask how Nick was doing.

"Oh Greggo, I broke your deodorant."

Nick said quietly as he sat Louise in her chair.

He saw several scenarios all including broken glass and Louise getting hurt.

"Ok, but none of you cut yourself?" He asked not wanting to sound blameful.

"Nah." Nick said as he sat down.

"Let's say grace." Nick's accent was heavier and he thought saw a glimpse of mischief.

"You can say it inwardly, I'm not gonna subject my daughter to that…." He had eaten so many meals with Nick and saying grace had never been part of them and a thought occurred to him.

"Are you testing me?" If there was one thing that he would never have expected it would be Nick acting as a teenager. Nick's whole body had now become one of mischief.

"What if I am?" The words were spoken just as innocently as he had done when he was a teenager.

"Then I guess he was right." The psych Nick had seen the day before had a theory about torture and how solitary confinement could compress all teenage and midlife crises into 12 hours.

"Who was right?" Grissom's curiosity kicked in and since Nick didn't say anything he went ahead.

"A counselor. He says that if you want to break somebody untrained; you place them in solitary confinement without any contact whatsoever. No water, no food, no time limit and no room to move. That'll give the person too much time to think and the person will therefore go through the equivalent of two age-transitions." He drew a deep breath and Nick had pulled his knees up under his chin and made a Texan-wrap.

"So he beliefs that acting like a teenager is perfectly normal for a victim of torture. And testing your relatives is common behavior. You will test to see how you can hurt them and test to find out what their values are." Grissom nodded slowly and Nick rocked back and forth on his chair.

"Did you break it on purpose?" His question made Nick fly out of the chair and he heard the bedroom door slam seconds later. Grissom pushed his chair back to get up and he held up a warning hand.

"Give him time to cool down. Let's finish breakfast, then I'll go out in the garden with Louise and wait for Cath and Warrick and then you can go into him." He ran out of breath but his boss nodded in slow acceptance.

"All grown up Greggo, when did that happen?" Grissom half asked half stated.

"Louise." He stopped chewing only to say her name with all the pride in the world.

"I wish I had met someone like you when I was younger." The sadness in Grissom's voice was one of these old well known wounds that never actually heal, but you just get used to.

"Someone stole your heart Griss?"

"Yeah a long time ago…" Grissom trailed off as his mind wandered down memory lane.

"Maybe it's time to steal it back?" He tried to not to put blame and judgment in his words.

"Not the old thing with Sara?" Grissom sighed annoyed.

"Nah, gave up on that a long time ago. But if Cath and Warrick got something going I know who'll be collecting big time when he comes back to work." He smiled hoping to ease the irritation showing in the blue eyes.

"Well there's been a lot of money changing hands recently over you and Nick I think."

Grissom relaxed and he didn't have to ask who had won, it could only be Warrick.

"Why'd you give up?" Grissom's question confused him until he saw the pain flash across his boss face.

"She went out with that Hank-guy and you… well you're both social dysfunctional so it would make for a disaster." His last words were not meant in a negative way though Grissom's initial reaction made him fear that he had overstepped all boundaries.

"Good point. We would probably… Well I guess I need a social counterweight." Grissom lost himself in thoughts and he started to clear the table. Louise had spilled an awful lot and he found himself angry at Nick for throwing a tantrum instead of helping with Louise. It added another piece to his life-puzzle; he was already taking certain things for granted in his future life with Nick.

He moved with irritated moves as he cleaned Louise and the kitchen and he loathed the thoughts running through his mind. He shouldn't be angry with Nick; he shouldn't be thinking about living with Nick, he shouldn't be feeling so lost just because Nick was throwing a tantrum.

"Greg… Greg? GREG!" Grissom penetrated his rambling thoughts and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"I don't think it'll get any cleaner." He had no idea how many times he had wiped the kitchen table.

"Eh guess not." The smile on his lips barely made it to life before it disappeared again.

"Take her outside and I'll see how he is." Grissom more or less pushed him out the kitchen and he gladly complied. On his way out to the garden he picked up his journal and laptop and some toys for Louise.

Louise played with the cardboard box that he had carried her toys in. Her game fascinated him and he found himself lost in admiration of his little girl. He opened his journal by instinct and started to write.

Stupid Nick.
Stupid Nick had to prove the psych right. So I had to be on the receiving end for the testing-game.
Nick wanted to say grace!!!!!!!!!!
I can live with the fact that he broke my bottle of deodorant.
I mean he bought it. So it was his 40 bucks down the drain.
But I hate that he wasn't there to help with Louise.
I mean how stupid is that?
It's not like that we are together… yet.
But we are… duh we do everything together.
I've even given up on locking the bathroom door, just in case he needs me.
I love you Nick.
But I hate this whole fucking thing.
I hate not having any privacy any more.
Why do everybody think they know?
Louise is so cute playing with the box for her toys instead of her toys.
Gotta love the little critter.

A familiar fall of feet approached and he closed his journal not wanting Warrick to read its content and certainly not to see the excess amount of hearts sneaking in as usual.

"Hey G." Warrick had also learned that the door bell was to be avoided so he and Cath usually came and found them in the garden.

"Hey Warrick." It surprised him to see the other man alone until he saw the defeated face behind the plastic smile.

"Where's Nicky?" Warrick came over and sat down next to him and focused on Louise.

"Inside having a teenage crisis." He was too emotionally upset to come up with the full story and Warrick just nodded while he fiddled with one of Louise's toys.

"Is that why Griss is still here?"

"Yeah." He had turned his attention to his laptop, since Warrick didn't seem in the mood for talking.

"Greg, ya know me and Cath we've been…" Warrick caught his eyes pleading for understanding and he nodded slowly to encourage his older colleague to continue.

"…seeing each other sort of. Only this morning when we came to her place Linds was home and Cath just sent me packing. I don't get it." He knew that Lindsey hadn't spent much time with her mother after Nick had been kidnapped. The young girl had found her mother harder to deal with than usual and retreated to a friends place.

"I don't think there is anything to get." He sighed before elaborating. "I mean we are all trying to deal with Nick's burial and it is eating us all up. Maybe she just thought you did it out of pity." The words had a hard time coming out and he could feel tears lining up to follow the last of them, but he fought them back.

"But I would never… not with her. She's been through so much shit and I could… never…I mean… shit." Warrick clenched his jaw as he struggled to talk.

"I love her and I would never do anything to hurt her and I… it wasn't pity. It wasn't." The dark fists clenched even tighter than the jaw as Warrick slowly opened up.

"It can be real hard to see, when things are like this. I know I have my problems dealing with Nick…" He looked down on his own hands expecting them to be shaking, but they weren't despite his emotional turmoil.

"Still playing the waiting game?" Warrick whispered softly.

"Yup, he… Well he's not so insistent after they've changed his meds, but he has a lot to figure out before he is ready for anything and I… It's hard to wait. But I don't want to screw it up." He gave Warrick a shy glance and even though they had become better at talking it was still a serious uphill climb for them both.

"Wait, I mean look at me I'm all screwed up now." Warrick kept on whispering as if he didn't trust his voice enough for regular speech.

"Linds is online if you wanna know what's up." He handed Warrick the laptop and showed him his MSN list.

"Hmm could be an idea." Warrick started chatting with Lindsey and he picked up his journal again.

With Louise cuddled up between them; they focused on each their own task. He wrote some more fears and worries down before turning to the first page that he had kept blank.

Nick if you ever read the content of this journal, please let me know.
Then I can tell you how I felt and when I wrote the entries.
Everything in here evolves around you.

"Linds will drag Cath over here. It seems like she knew more about all this than me." Warrick sighed and handed him the laptop back. He nodded and was about to say something comforting when Nick came out into the garden.

"Hey Rick, what you've done with Cath?" Nick looked pretty normal except for a slight redness around his eyes.

"She wanted to spend time with Linds, but they might stop by later." Warrick went for the partial truth clearly not wanting to worry his friend more than necessary.

"Sure thing bro." Nick headed over to the part of the garden that they had been working on the day before and Warrick joined him. Grissom on the other hand sat down on the blanket next to Louise and started to stack some of her blocks. She took that as an open invitation to play the game of her knocking them down and somebody else building them up again.

"You know the first time I saw him cry was when Amy Hendler held him at gunpoint." Grissom said as he stacked the blocks again.

"He is very sorry about this morning Greg." His boss continued to stack more blocks.

"It hurts when he cries. I can so see myself give into those tears in the future." The words were mumbled and he felt weird about actually saying them. But they made Grissom look up and smile.

"At least he is not afraid to let us know how he feels." The relief in Grissom's words was strong and he wondered who Nick was being compared to.

"No but I wish that those feelings… that he'll soon gain full control over his feelings again." His brain was having a hard time with all the heart to heart talks of the morning and he knew that there would be many more to come during the day.

"We all want that." Grissom stated dryly and they were saved by Lindsey and Cath arriving.

"Awwwwww she is the cutest baby ever." Lindsey cooed as she dropped down next to Louise and started playing with the baby. For a while everybody was just looking at the two girls playing and it was a welcome break for him. It also gave him the chance to study the people around him; Grissom looked tired but apart from that the blue eyes didn't give anything away. Warrick's look of defeat still clung on him and Catherine looked bewildered as if she had been spun round too many times to know where north was.

When he focused on Nick his heart shattered at the deep frown on the Texans face. Something was harassing Nick and he had no idea what, so he got up and over to him. Wordlessly he put an arm around Nick's back and tried to see what it was Nick was frowning at. Nick remained completely still and stiff and then he saw the ants in the grass. They were normal ants, but he guessed that to Nick any ant these days was a bad thing.

He turned Nick around with force and dragged him off towards the house. It wasn't easy Nick was heavier than him and when stiff from fear he seemed to have gained an additional 100 pounds at least. The others had the courtesy to ignore him and Nick, leaving him to only deal with Nick.

Once inside Nick started to defrost and the tremors in his body were so strong that they ended up in a shaky pile on the floor. He moved so he could wrap himself around Nick and he wondered why today was so bad. It seemed that the last few days of relative peace had to be made up for and Nick just went from one extreme to another.

He had no idea how long he sat on the floor with Nick before Grissom gently placed a sleeping Louise next to him and told him that they were leaving for the day. Eventually Nick returned to a more coherent state of mind, but they still remained on the floor long after that, just sitting there for comfort. It wasn't until Louise crawled off to explore on her own in the kitchen that they moved.

There were bad days and worse days and all of a sudden he didn't have any more vacation left and the trouble with getting a nanny for Louise increased dramatically. Nick had volunteered but he didn't like the thought of it, since Nick had yet to sleep a full night without nightmares.

"Greg stop pacing." Nick was folding up the laundry and he was checking his emails in hope that somebody would volunteer for nanny-duty. But all the answers he had received were negative and his search on the internet made him even more agitated as he saw the prices for night hours. So he had begun pacing to figure out a way to have Louise looked after and since he had only one day left of his vacation the stress was building fast.

"But I gotta find somebody Nick, to be here." He dropped in front of the computer again and hit the send/receive button.

"I told you, I'll be okay to do it." Nick had improved drastically in the last three days and he was no longer drowsy because the meds had been reduced.

"Only if you're absolutely sure." He could just imagine the two of them alone and all the possible disasters.

"I'm sure Greggo. You gotta let me try." Nick pleaded and he knew it was time to back off. But it wasn't just about Nick it was also about his little girl and that made it so damn hard.

It was with a heavy heart he came back to work and there were a lot of people reacting strangely to him. Just the short trip from the parking lot to his locker made him feel uneasy and opening his locker only made it worse. Somebody had slipped a letter in and when he opened it; his whole world seemed to rip open at the hem. It was from a gay-support group within the police force.

He slumped down on the bench with the offensive letter in one hand and stared at it.

"Hey Greg, so you are back to save us from boredom." Sara started until she noticed his shocked state. She gently eased the letter from him and her cheeks were burning with anger in seconds.

"Why?"

"I… I don't know, I've been…" She looked distraught and he could see that there was something she needed to say.

"What Sara, what is going on here? Is everybody in on how I live?" His voice had become squeaky and he felt like pounding somebody hard.

"There has been a lot of talk and the letters… they started showing up a couple of days ago. I been trying to clear them away, but I missed this… that one." She tapped the paper in her hand. The anger became more than he could suppress and he launched an attack on the locker in front of him.

The impression of his fists in the locker door told him to stop before the pain registered in his brain and he staggered backwards tripping over the bench. But strong arms caught him and eased him back on his feet.

"I'm sorry man." Warrick turned him round and held him at arms length searching for eye-contact. He had never figured out the actual color of those eyes, but today they were greener than he recalled.

"Here put on the icepacks." Sara crushed two instant packs for him and helped him wrap his hands after Warrick sat him down on the bench.

"There has been more letters?" He asked in pure disbelief.

"Yeah, I don't why people has taken it like this." Warrick wondered out loud. Sara was kneeling in front of him holding the icepacks in place and he crumbled.

He heard his own voice from a distance rambling about Louise and Nick and how people could be so ignorant. He was very aware of Warrick still holding him and Sara's angered features in front of him, but it was hard for him to be present.

"Greg, are you sure you can work tonight?" Grissom brought him back to the present and his mind and body caught up with each other.

"I can. I just… I just lost it for a moment, the letter and leaving Louise with Nick." He sighed and straightened his back to meet the examining glare from his boss.

"Then get ready, see you all in the break room in five." Grissom left before they had time to argue the order. Neither Sara nor Warrick spoke they just looked at him and backed off to let him have his personal space back.

Despite the protests from his hands he discarded the icepacks, locked his stuff in and headed for the break room. There he was met by Catherine trying to put on a proper face but failing badly.

"Any chance there's some of my coffee left?" He joked halfheartedly. Catherine opened the freezer and dug out one of Grissom's boxes and handed it to him. Sara who had just entered took it.

"I'll get a cup going for you." He was grateful for Sara's offer and he sat down on one of the chairs.

"You hid it in one of Griss' boxes? I never dared go that far." It had taken Grissom's colleagues years to convince him to use designated boxes for his experiments and ever since they had been off limits.

"Okay it seems that people are having a tough time staying alive in Vegas tonight." Grissom said when he entered with the nights assignments. They all sighed in unison.

"Cath you got a DB up north, the officer described the scene as blood all over the place." Cath took the slip from Grissom and she didn't even question that she hadn't been paired up.

"Warrick and Greg, you've got one out near Nick's place. DB was a supposed recluse and they want to know if there was foul play involved in his death." It was obviously Grissom's way of telling him that it would be okay to go by Nick and check up on him. But it was upsetting with this kind of care from his boss. It didn't really give him the opportunity to prove that he was worthy of being a CSI, if people kept babying him.

"Sara you're with me and a possible find of body parts in a dog kennel." They read the preliminaries for their case and he carefully maneuvered his cup to avoid the pain in his hands.

"Better check your kit over before we leave Sanders." Warrick put on the I'm-two-levels-higher-than-you voice and he followed suit when the older man got up.

He replenished his kit under Warrick's watchful eye and only work related comments were exchanged until they were off driving towards the scene.

"So he's gonna have me on whatever scene is closest to Nick's place?" It was more rhetorically than an actual question and Warrick only gave a confirming nod.

"You wanna just tag along G.? Or take the lead?" Warrick had put on his neutral professional voice.

He knew perfectly well what the options meant and also which one he had to take not to hurt his career.

"He could have asked himself. You know I'll get nowhere if I just tag along man." The whine in his own words made him cringe and he regretted having said it like that.

"I think he tried to. But eh…" He cut Warrick off.

"He's social dysfunctional." He stated flatly.

The DB's house was only two miles from Nick's and it looked like any other perfectly normal suburban house. They were met by Det. Vega outside and he briefed them shortly before they entered. He struggled to get the covers on his shoes and the gloves were a journey of pain to pull on. But he did his best not to let anyone see just how stupid his fist against locker had turned out.

"Tell me." Warrick ordered as they entered the living room.

"White male on the floor on his back. Dressed in sweatpants and a… dress-shirt?!" It was a combination must people would never even think of.

"No exterior signs of violence, no swelling, no marks…" He sniffed trying to figure out what it was that was lingering in the air. His actions made Warrick sniff too and following their noses they were soon bent over the body.

"Almonds! The guy smells of almonds." His brain quickly started to list what could make a person smell like that.

"Maybe he uses soap or lotion with almond oil in it." He spoke more to himself than Warrick.

"So?" Warrick had never been one to talk much in his company even though it had changed after Nick's ordeal.

"So we should search his bathroom and bedroom for almond stuff. We also need to take pictures of the body. But no touching since David hasn't arrived." Warrick nodded in approval and he got his camera out. The pain in his hands made it nearly impossible for him to operate the camera and Warrick gave him a knowing glance taking the camera from him.

"Let me have a look." Warrick reached out for his hands but he moved them out of the other mans reach.

"It's nothing okay." He said defensively.

"Come on G. you're not fooling me man. I have beaten enough walls to know alright." Warrick took his hands and carefully examined them bending his fingers and moving his wrists. The pain made him see stars on a white background for a few seconds.

"You aren't a leftie are you?" Warrick supported his left hand gently.

"No, but it has become my restraining hand. You know holding Louise when I change her and holding Nick when…" He didn't feel like telling Warrick about all Nick's fears and nightmares, those were for Nick to tell about eventually.

"And well he does outweigh me, so I have gained some strength there. I tend to keep my right hand free for the more delicate work." He tried to muster a smile.

Warrick went out to the car and got another instant icepack for him and made it very clear that they would drop by the ER for an X-ray of his hand after finishing the scene.

David still hadn't shown and they took another look at the body.

"Maybe somebody else dressed him. I mean the dress-shirt is easier than a sweater if you have to put it on somebody else and pants with elastic bands are definitely easier." He found himself thinking of dressing Louise and how some of the very nice outfits were a nightmare to get her into.

"You've got a point, but maybe he came home and started changing and only got to the pants before he got disturbed?" Warrick suggested making sure that he kept an open mind.

"Maybe, but we should still look at the shirt buttons for fingerprints." He moved to the feet to take a closer look at the socks.

"The socks look odd; maybe he was dressed and then dragged here."

They stood up and looked at the body's position and agreed that it had probably been dragged from either the bedroom or the bathroom. Still holding the icepack to his left hand he entered the bedroom or more accurately boudoir. It held a huge bed with a bedspread in black lace on a red background and the walls were burgundy in color. There was a black nightstand on either side of the bed. Warrick let out an appreciative whistle and moved carefully into the room.

He shone his flashlight up to the ceiling and the two fluorescent tubes made him certain that this was a room for work. There hung some classic lamps down as well and when lighted they probably made it even cozier. There was a wardrobe to his right and a bin by the door.

"Very classy." Warrick stated and moved to the nightstand on the right side of the bed. He went to open the one on the left.

His finds made him wonder what else the bedroom would yield. Warrick made a sound of surprise after opening the drawer in the nightstand.

"I've got the most complete selection of condoms here." He stated and Warrick nodded before speaking.

"And I've got more brands of lube than I thought existed, plus some unmarked bottles." Warrick held up a plain brown glass bottle for him to see.

"Homemade massage oil? Try and smell it." He suggested remembering that he was supposed to take the initiative. Warrick uncapped the bottle and the almond scent filled their noses.

"Looks like we've got a winner."

Warrick recapped the bottle and went back to examine the reminder of bottles in the drawer. He was staring in awe at the carefully organized drawer in front of him. There were 4 different sizes and several types within each size and everything was catalogued.

"Condoms and lube within reaching distance. I wonder what he has under the bed." He gently eased down on the floor scanning for evidence before he made it there.

"Didn't it say recluse?" Warrick put words to his own wonderings.

"Yeah, well it looks more like a prostitutes work ground than anything else." He lifted the bedspread and shone the light under the bed. Warrick mirrored his moves and they both pulled out a bed roller.

"I've never seen them in black before." Nick had two transparent under his bed and he had yet to find out what they contained.

"Me neither." Warrick mumbled and opened his swallowing hard as the lid came of.

"What have you got?" He was still struggling with his.

"Dildos." Warrick held a big black one up for him to see.

"Are there different sizes?"

"Mmh the box is filled with them." Warrick looked in awe at the contents and he finally managed to get the lid of the bed roller in front of him.

"Wow, that… oh my."

"What have you got?" Warrick asked without looking up.

"Love-beads, butt plugs, cock rings, paddles, cuffs and a few things I'm not sure what is." He held up a strand of love-beads to an openmouthed Warrick.

"Wow." Warrick swallowed and shook his head.

"You know what they are for right?" He wasn't sure from his colleague's reaction and felt the need to clarify. Warrick saved him the explanation by holding up a hand.

"Coroner's here." David announced his presence and they left the bedroom to find him bent over the body.

"So time of death and course would be nice." Warrick nudged him to speak up.

"Hold your horses Greg, all in due time. So who dressed this poor fellow?" David said as he pre-examined the body. "Well that's what we'd like to know." He tried to focus on the task at hand but his left hand was throbbing madly.

"Been boxing have we?" David cast a glance at him before returning to take the liver-temp.

"Kind of, it's nothing though. So you've got a time?" He asked when the thermometer beeped.

"If the room temperature has been like this the whole time; I'd say about 6 pm."

"Any idea on what killed him?" He was focusing hard on a wayward strand of hair on David's head and thought the guy could do with a session with Mette.

"Not really, there is no exterior give away. So I'll need to get him on the table before I can say more." David sighed and stretched already looking worn though the shift was only a few hours old.

"Oh and before you come hurtling down the morgue, let me tell you; the queue is a mile long tonight. Grissom has already given me 7 hurry up pages. It seems like he has several bodies at that kennel." David left and they returned to the bedroom.

"The bin has a new bag in, maybe somebody cleaned house?" He offered and Warrick nodded heading for the wardrobe.

In there they found more sex-toys along with satin-sheets and regular clothing.

"There's only a white cotton-sheet on right now. You know the kind that is cheap and more protects the mattress than anything else." He looked at the bed again and it dawned on him that apart from the bedspread that was all there was, there were no pillows or blankets or comforters.

"So we're missing some bed linen too." Warrick stated and no matter the course of death this certainly wasn't natural. He shrugged and adjusted the now rather warm icepack.

"There's one more in the first aid kit."

"This'll do for a little longer, anything we missed in here?" He scanned the bedroom again, but nothing else jumped to attention.

"Bathroom then." Warrick led the way, but all they found of interest was enemas.

"Warrick you know, come to think about it. There's this house down after the playground that is having a new roof and they got this huge container sitting on the curb for the old roof. It could be a good place to dump a bag of linen." He and Nick had taken Louise to that playground a few times in the last couple of days.

"I'll take dumpster duty here, take an officer and check it out." Warrick offered and he left with a young uniform still holding the icepack to his left hand.

"Hi I'm Blake Johnson. You're Greg Sanders right?" The young officer started and he feared the worst.

"Yeah I am, you know I'd shake your hand but eh… kinda had an accident." He tried to laugh it off.

"You're the one who adopted a little girl right?" The officer's question took him by surprise; he had feared a long speech on gay issues.

"Yeah that's me, Louise." The pride pushed the pain away momentarily.

"I'd love to have children too." The guy sounded more wishful than most 30 something women and he was probably no more than 25.

"Well that's a winner with the women." He said relaxing into the conversation.

"Yeah maybe, but I'm not. Is it difficult to adopt?" The hopeful voice clearly hoped for an answer he couldn't give.

"It depends on how you do it. I helped a friend of mine by adopting her child, so that was a private adoption. They normally cost a lot of money though. Then there are agencies but most of them have long lists of prerequisites."

"I thought that might be the case and being a cop doesn't help." The young officer shrugged and he felt compelled to help somehow.

"You know there are tons of homepages about adoption and plenty of groups on the net."

"Isn't most of it illegal?"

"I don't know, but I got a lot of help from people who already had adopted. Oh here it is." He shone his flashlight at the container and saw a black plastic bag in the midst of old roof tiles.

"Shall I get it for you?" The young officer was about to grab the edge of the container when he stopped him.

"Wait. The person who dumped could have left fingerprints." The officer blushed from embarrassment.

"Call Warrick Brown down here." The officer did as told and five minutes later Warrick came striding into view.

"I found the waste from the bedroom. He definitely had real life partners. So you found the linen?" Warrick directed his beam of light to the bag as well and then swept it round the edge of the container. They found nothing to indicate that whoever had dumped bag had left any prints there. He found it odd that Warrick was so willing to do all the dirty work, but the pain in his hand stole his concentration again.

"I think I'm ready for that ice…" The shrill of his phone cut him off.

"Sanders." He sighed after having struggled to get it out of his pocket.

"It's me." Nick half cried on the other end.

"Hey how is Louise?" He knew that Nick needed to focus on Louise and not whatever had made him call.

"Sleeping." Nick sniffled and he was about ready to run to Nick's place.

"Oh yeah, what is she wearing?" He silently prayed that it would help.

"Ehm, she's got that blue night thingy that we got for her the other day."

Nick cleared his throat and coherency made a comeback. The we-part made his heart skip a beat and he inhaled deeply before continuing.

"Yeah, she looks so good in it. It ain't too warm for her?" He could hear Nick move around and he hoped that Louise would do the trick.

"Nah, she feels dry and warm like she's supposed to." The accent was the only thing telling him that Nick was still rather stressed.

"That's good." He let Warrick put the fresh icepack on his hand.

"I dreamt that… that I was in the box and then the whole thing exploded and… and… and you and… and… I just needed to know you were okay."

"I'm fine; it was just a bad dream Nick." He didn't feel like cutting Nick off but he had to work.

"I know, just had to hear your voice. Go back to work." Nick put on his professional voice and finished the call.

"Come on. Let's get your hand looked at G. or do we go by Nick first?" Warrick was loading the evidence into the back.

"Hospital first. He… oh man this sucks." He got in the passenger side and silently cursed at his situation. Neither of them attempted to speak on the way to the hospital.

Warrick bullied two nurses and one doctor into seeing him immediately and half an hour later he left with his hand in a sling. He hadn't broken anything only matured the meat as the doctor said in a vain attempt to be funny. So his hand had been ordered some rest and more ice.

Nick called two times more during the night and both times he managed to calm the Texan enough so he didn't have to rush home. He cringed inwardly every time he thought of Nick's place as home, but part of him had already made the move. It was just his sensibility telling him not to rush things. Warrick and he hardly made any progress on their case since both the morgue and DNA was backlogged so badly that he started running samples with Mia despite his disabled hands.

Grissom sent him home when the shift ended telling him that there wasn't much else he could do until they had their autopsy report and the last lab results. On the way back to Nick's place he shopped hoping that he got everything, because he was simply to tired to even consider dragging Nick off shopping. He removed the sling before entering the shop knowing that the pain was easier to deal with than the looks of pity.

Nick was sitting on the doorstep with Louise in his arms when he pulled up.

"Long shift?" Nick tried to sound at ease, but he knew better and the guilt of having left Nick alone rained down on him like a torrential storm.

"Sort of, but I shopped on the way." He stopped abruptly before the word home could make it out of his mouth.

"The house felt really small." The heavy accented whisper spoke volumes and his tired hurt body gave up the idea of just crawling straight to bed.

"Uh huh. Let's see if it's back to normal then." He took the groceries out carrying them all in his right hand. Nick stood up and opened the door for him like the gentleman he was.

"I made Louise some food earlier." Nick explained when he entered what had once been a kitchen.

"Did she like it?" The kitchen looked worse than Baghdad after a bombing run.

"Yeah I think so. She ate it all. I was gonna clean but I… the walls… it…" Nick cradled the sleeping baby tighter and he put a comforting hand on the Texans back.

"I'll get it later. You hungry?" Personally he was starving and he started to unpack.

"Not really, my stomach… nausea." Nick muttered and made an attempt at cleaning up.

"That's ok. I just need something before I crash." He made himself a sandwich with the fresh bread and the cheese that he had bought.

"No coffee?" Nick wondered as he continued his vain attempt of cleaning.

"Nah, too tired to make it." He held his sandwich out for Nick to take a bite; somehow it was easier for Nick to eat bites of his food when the stress caused nausea. Two sandwiches and a filled dishwasher later he was more than ready for bed.

"Go to bed I'm okay now." Nick claimed as he went out into the garden with Louise and some toys.

He didn't even bother to shower; he just changed into one of his old comfy t-shirts and stripped to his boxers before dropping down on his bed. Even though his left hand was crying out for attention he could feel sleep coming fast and welcomed it.

A touch to his leg woke him up and his brain told him something was amiss. As more of his senses kicked into action he discovered that he was in Nick's bedroom and not the guest bedroom where he had fallen asleep. The digits on the alarm clock told him that he had slept for a little more than six hours, which was an all time record for him after moving to Nick's place.

He laid still and looked at Nick who was sleeping with his head resting on his chest. It felt nice and not at all heavy and he could feel Nick's breath through his t-shirt. Louise was between them and he figured that she had probably hit his leg in her sleep. Even though he knew exactly what Nick looked like he studied him like Grissom would a bug.

The dark short hair that was beginning to show hints of grey and the ears with their indentation never lost their fascination on him. The strong neck that could have carried a bigger head than it actually did had always made him wonder if Nick had achieved it through training or if his head had always been too small for his neck. His right hand had free range of Nick's back. The same back that he in the past had cherished the few glimpses of it that he'd had.

If any one would ever be interested he could easily do a full doctorate on Nick's back. He knew exactly what each muscle did and looked like and how strong all of them together were. It was that strength that had obviously moved him in his sleep. The symmetry of Nick's back had nearly killed him the first time he saw it and that had been shortly after he started at the lab. He clearly remembered being in the locker room when Nick and Warrick came back from dumpster duty, they smelled and were as usually competing.

That day they competed over who first made it to the shower totally ignoring the lab tech present. He had seen them both naked and it had fuelled his fantasies for weeks to follow. Nick's body hadn't changed all that much since then and now his hand were mapping out those gorgeous muscles.

"Why me?" He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had failed to notice that Nick had woken up.

"Why you?" He had been caught off guard and wasn't really sure what Nick meant.

"Yeah, why me. Why did you fall for me?" Nick's hand on his belly started to move.

"Eh that's a big question. I mean we've always had good chemistry." Nick joined him in his laughter and it felt so like the real Nick.

"Is that just it?" Nick's hand ran up his side on the outside of his t-shirt.

"No. Your smile, whenever you smile it knocks my socks off. You've also got a very fine looking back." He ran his hand down Nick's spine for emphasis and he could feel the real Nick smile spread against his belly.

"My back? I thought you were and ass-man." Nick's hand cupped his ass. "Hmm I like a good ass, but a strong well proportioned back is a major turn on for me." His hand traveled over a wing.

"And I like gentleman Nick, I mean you are always present, not like Warrick who seems to never let life within 10 ft. of him. Your brain is also a very good asset." Nick's hand came to rest on his shoulder and Nick lifted his head to look at him.

"My brain? But I'm nowhere near as smart as you." Nick sighed and returned his head to his chest.

"Come on Nick, don't do yourself down. You are smart and tenacious in a good way. I mean you know just about everything there is to know about fibers." He stroked the Texans hair and he let himself fall in love all over again. The hand on his ass moved to his chest and manipulated a nipple to his was near surrender.

"Why me Nick?" He tried not to let his lust show.

"Chemistry and your energy. Your mouth. I know that the others never fancied your long rants, but I loved them. It meant that I got to see your mouth move." Nick's hand came to rest on his chest and he really needed the time out.

"My mouth?" He suddenly realized that Nick was talking about things that had happened ages ago and he silently cursed their inability to get down to business.

But maybe it was better this way. Maybe Nick couldn't have dealt with him after the explosion and maybe he wouldn't have been old enough. Once Nick was back they would be on more equal terms as they had both gone through a major trauma.

"Your mouth, the way you seem to be struggling to hold your tongue in when you concentrate and the little crooked smile you use for flirting and the big goof ball smile when you're being the clown." Nick elaborated.

"G.? Can I ask you something?" Nick's words were quiet and controlled.

"Sure anything man, anything." He felt at ease and his brain forgot its censor duty.

"Are they talking about us at work?"

The question hit him on the head like a sledgehammer. His brain ran a good deal of scenarios before he answered.

"Yes, I even found a letter in my locker from a gay support group within the police force. Sara said she'd been trying to… get rid of all the letters." He swallowed hard and feared the worst.

"Was it… weird being back?" Nick fiddled with the hem of his sleeve slightly tickling him in the process.

"Yeah it was. I don't think I ever been studied so close before, not even at the height of any of my earlier antics. The letter was the worst though." He sighed and his hand moved in small circular patterns on Nick's back.

"Is that why you punched a wall?" Nick had obviously seen right through his act.

"Yup, Warrick even dragged me to the ER to have it checked, nothings broken. So it just needs to rest." Just like he didn't miss any details regarding Nick, Nick sure didn't miss what was happening with him either.

"Tell me about your case."

Slowly he started to tell Nick about the DB and all his toys and they talked shop until Louise claimed their attention.

It took him and Warrick three nights to wrap up their case. The guy had died from a blood clot and his last customer had felt compelled to leave him in a more decent state than tied to the bed with toys in place. Nick had a major nightmare on his second night back to work and he had to rush home. But as the nights passed things returned to a more normal state and there seemed to be less talk and fewer hidden glances in his direction.

His journal had moved into his backpack and he would often find himself sneaking off for some privacy at work to write in it. It was still mostly centered around Nick what he put there and of course also Louise. He wasn't sure if it was helping, but whenever he went back to the entry he had first made, he knew that it did.

Grissom continued to put him on cases close to home and more often than not he was paired up with Warrick. They had come to a point where you could actually call them friends and not just friends of Nick like it had been in the past. The day Nick took the last pill as agreed with the doctors he worried all night that the nightmares would be worse than ever, but Nick never called.

On the fifth night with Nick off the meds there was only one case in town and that was a burn-case. Grissom didn't even ask him before sending him way out to a case in the desert with Sara. It had bothered him a lot since he made CSI that he never got to drive, but now he welcomed it. A long drive meant that he could catch up on sleep, something both Louise and Nick seemed intent on depriving him of.

"So Greggo okay if we listen to the radio?" Sara was unnecessarily polite, since she had long ago established the fact that she had the right to veto anything while driving.

"As long as you let me sleep." He mumbled and curled up in a semi-comfortable position.

"Oh come on Greggo it's a two hour drive, talk to me man." She sighed and continued.

"I can't believe that I'm begging you to talk." She huffed and drove on without turning on the radio.

"Wake up Greg. We are almost there." Sara shook him awake.

"Relax! Jeez is there a conspiracy out to prevent me from sleeping?" He adjusted his stiff body in the seat.

"Don't you sleep when you go home or won't they let you?" Sara put on the big sister voice and he couldn't help but smile at her intentions.

"Louise was really whiny today. She didn't sleep very much last night and she couldn't go five minutes without hanging on us." He didn't add that Nick had cried for hours over not being able to get her to sleep.

Sara didn't comment any further since they had pulled up at their crime scene. It was a normal looking house and his heart upped its pace thinking that in there were 2 dead children. They worked their way through the house both fighting the nausea from the stench. He knew that he would never tell Nick the details of what he saw that night. It wouldn't even make it into his journal, it was more than enough that he had to write a report on it and maybe even testify in court.

"Let's run it over." Sara sighed deeply and he swallowed hard before he spoke up.

"Two Asian girls aged 10, killed due to multiple lacerations in the chest region. Clothes seems unwashed, hair dirty and greased." He coughed and held his sleeve up to protect his nose.

"They have been dead for three to four days and there are traces of semen and both have defensive wounds on their arms and hands. What monster did this?!" The smell was worse than we had found that kid in the dumpster.

"Anything on the owners?" Sara asked the detective assigned to their case.

"Not yet, should be in hospice according to the neighbor."

It was a relief to be out in the fresh air again and he greedily breathed the dry desert air in. His phone rang and fear took up residence when he saw that it was Nick.

"Hey Nick." He answered in the most neutral voice he could find given the circumstances.

"She's crying real bad." Nick's accent was heavy from misery and fear.

"Is she warm to the touch?" Why did it have to be full blown panic in Nick's voice when he was so far away? Nick made several attempts to answer and his own frustrations grew as he tried to calm the Texan down. Sara picked up on the situation and held her phone out showing him that she was calling Grissom. He shortly covered the microphone and told her that someone had to get over to Nick immediately.

He talked all the soothing and comforting words he knew until he heard the doorbell and subsequently Grissom's voice in the background. Nick found coherency enough to end the call and he leaned against the SUV shaking badly with the phone dangling loosely in his hand.

"Get in Greg, we have a long way home." Somehow Sara got him in the passenger seat and every single second felt like years.

Something was wrong with his little girl and all he could do was sit and wait until Sara got them back to Las Vegas. She had offered to break the speed limit, but he declined the offer knowing that Grissom would have called if it was something bad. Then again if it was something bad Grissom couldn't call because they would be at the hospital with Louise and busy with her unable to call.

His mind came up with all kind of disasters that could have happened and for each he tried to find something more innocent like a cold or maybe she had just scratched herself.

"I have never seen you so worried before." Sara sounded edgy and it didn't help put a stop to his over imaginative brain.

"Well having a child changes a lot." He knew his voice was trembling in fact his whole body was trembling.

His brain was in the middle of a scenario with meningitis when his phone claimed his attention again.

"Sanders." He didn't even check caller id before answering.

"Grissom. Could she be teething?" His boss asked fairly stressed and he could hear crying in the background.

"That is possible yes. Oh and that could explain why she was whiny all day." He couldn't believe that all the panic had been caused by something so simple and natural.

"Spill." Sara really had the big sister act going.

"Teething." He said with relief and the vice grip produced by his own fears lifted.

"All this fuss over nothing." Sara exclaimed deeply annoyed.

"I offered to break the speed limit for teeth?!" He ignored the profanities that followed the insult and instead he began to clear his mind off all irrational fears.

Sara dropped him off at Nick's place before continuing to the lab. There he found Grissom pacing the living room floor with a sobbing Louise and Nick curled up in his blanket on the couch clutching his ‘woobie'.

"Thank God you're back. I gave her some chamomile tea and Nick found a teething ring, but she is running a bit of a fever though." Grissom indicated for him to sit on the couch.

"Sorry I took so long." He whispered as he sat down next to what was left of Nick.

Nick didn't say anything for a long time and his already worked up brain began ranting again. Grissom had managed to get Louise to sleep and was about to leave when Nick finally spoke. "I've let you all down again." The words came as a quiet afterthought and they burned a hole in his soul. Their boss stopped mid stride.

"No Nick. There's a first time for everything. A teething baby is a new experience both for you and me." Grissom words loosened Nick and the Texan flung his arms around his boss nearly toppling them both over.

After a clumsy hug Nick released his boss and shooed them out telling them that he now had everything under control.

"Do you want to stay Greg?" Grissom didn't buy Nick's act nor did he.

"Better not. Sara will kill me if I dodge this case." He tried to decipher the blue eyes, but Grissom was quick to guard whatever it was he was feeling. "Bad one?" The usual neutral voice had returned to his boss and he just nodded.

At the lab he found Sara in the break room.

"Hey what have I missed?" He went to make some coffee, his body craved it badly.

"Everything." He hated when Sara was so big sister like.

"The semen we found belongs to an old friend of ours and I'm waiting for the cops to bring him in." She added after he had stared at for a full minute. "So we get what looks like a complicated case and it's a slam dunk?"

"Looks like it." She stated holding out her cup for coffee.

They wrapped the case up before the end of shift and he showered at work to scrub the memory of the two dead girls off along with the creep that had killed them. The guy had been a royal ass to interview and had slung insults at them the whole time. But their evidence was enough for the guy to get arrested even though he denied the whole thing.

The following two nights came and went without any other drama than what the job supplied. Louise had gotten the offensive tooth and had immediately tested the effect of it by biting him on his hand. The seventh night with Nick off the meds came and with that the elusive date. He had worked a suicide with Warrick and they managed to finish it off within their shift.

"So today's the big day?" Warrick said quietly when they headed off for the locker room after shift. He nodded as he opened his locker and pulled out his bag holding the outfit he had planned to wear for the big date.

"Ya know he's a real good kisser." Warrick said in low rather insinuating voice.

"What?" He had been pretty uptight all night in eager anticipation and it had nearly driven the others up the wall, but this was about the last thing he expected to hear.

"Hmm." Warrick gave him that sweet little crooked smile and an image of Warrick and Nick kissing was produced in his mind. He swallowed hard and tried to focus on getting the clothes out of the bag.

"Do you wanna know how I know?" He wasn't sure that he could handle that kind of information, not if he wanted to have any control over himself on the date.

"Yeah sure." His brain seemed to think that he could handle it.

"Well you know we can be a bit competitive me and Nicky right?" He and everybody else knew so he nodded. Warrick looked really sexy and it was so unfair to his mental state.

"It was before we made CSI 3. We'd been out somewhere in the desert to a scene and it had been really simple to process, so we'd been arguing on who did what best. Like we always do right." He nodded.

"I don't know where it came from, but I upped the stakes and said that I would bet 50 on me being the best kisser. We had just put our kits in trunk when I said that and Nicky took the bait. He pushed me up against the car and said that it would be easy to settle and then he kissed me breathless." Warrick was smiling at the memory and his own brain was struggling to keep up a straight face.

"Did you kiss him back?" His voice was so small and off but he had to know, as more images of Nick and Warrick playing tonsil-hockey flashed before his eyes.

"I sure did, let's just say that we didn't stop until a car drove by illuminating our naked chests." The picture of Warrick's dark hands on Nick's pale chest burned into his mind causing a reaction elsewhere in his body.

"Damn…" He panted and it took him a lot to actually look at Warrick.

"Go jerk off; you're way too uptight for going on a date." The green eyes shone bright at him and the smile on Warrick's face was unmistakable.

"He ain't my type, but it was a good way to release stress, the kissing I mean." Somebody entered the locker room and Warrick leaned in close and licked his tongue over his earlobe.

"I thought it would help you with the tension." He was indeed so tense that he just grabbed his bag and rushed to the men's room.

Once alone behind a locked door he undid his fly in record time and armed with some tissue in one hand, he let Mr. Hand and Mr. Cock get reacquainted. His mind played out the scene in the desert. The image of Nick shoving Warrick up against the truck and kissing him, seeing the dark hands on Nick's light neck drawing in to make the kiss deeper. Warrick allowed one hand to travel down Nick's back all the way to his ass and the dark hand groped the blue jean clad ass. Nick had one hand buried in Warrick's hair and the other between them working on removing clothing.

Nick ground his hips into Warrick making the dark man moan with delight. Without breaking the kiss both worked on removing clothes and Nick was the first one to stand with his torso bared. The dark hands found nipples to caress and pinch making Nick growl and his dark eyes go black in contrast to Warrick's green shining eyes. Nick freed Warrick of his last shirt and the slender dark chest was perfect. The white hands on black skin looked as perfect as Ying and Yang. He pumped into his hand like a madman.

Nick removed Warrick's pants and dropped his own jeans in one fluent motion. Hands of opposite colors ran all over the two hot naked bodies. Wordlessly Warrick moved out of Nick's grip and came to stand behind him. Nick braced himself against the truck as Warrick parted his ass cheeks and removed Nick's butt plug entering the Texan with practiced ease. It took him only a few erratic thrust to make them both come screaming out in an orgasmic haze. He caught his own cum with the tissue and silently wondered when he had begun fantasizing about butt plugs and other men fucking his chosen one.

Slightly dazed he got himself together again and tried to figure out whether he should thank Warrick or kill him. After a few moments to calm down he decided on the first and left the men's room. Bobby came down the hallway as he was leaving and the Texan let out a very suggestive sound making him blush ever so slightly.

"Go get him tiger." Bobby called after him and he prayed to any deity that might be in the mood to listen that he wouldn't meet anyone else on his way out.

He was a bundle of nerves when he pulled up in front of Nick's house which also doubled as his own home and he really shouldn't be so nervous. Nick had made all the arrangements for the date so he had no idea where they were going. All he knew was that he should dress nicely and come home straight after shift. He had an idea that Grissom would have sent him home no matter what had come up during the shift.

Nick opened the door before he even thought about getting his key out. "Are you ready, cause we are." The Texan proudly held Louise up and did a spin for him.

"I'm ready, wow you look hot." He took in the sight before him and silently thanked Warrick for his pressure release. Nick wore black jeans and a silver shirt it was simple but then again the smile would have outshone any garment.

"So do you." The real Nick smile became even wider and he took Louise from the Adonis in front of him.

"First we are going over to Grissom to drop this little beauty of." Nick said after having secured Louise in her car seat. He didn't want to ask, but he was dying to know what came next. It didn't even surprise him that Grissom had volunteered for nanny duty; their boss seemed to have taken it on him personally to ensure them happiness. It wasn't just him and Nick he had discovered after going back to work.

He concentrated on the driving and only listened to Nick talk to Louise. She had begun to say actual words in the last few days and it had been one of the best moments in his life. It wasn't pappa or daddy that she had chosen for her first word but simply ‘hi'. Then she had added ‘this' sounding more like ‘dis'; so every time she had said ‘this' they told her what it was that she was holding or looking at.

"So Louise you get to spend the day with me." Grissom cooed as Nick handed over the girl and the bag that doubled as a changing table. He unloaded the pram and got out the car seat and wondered just how much she would actually need of all that Nick had packed for her. They said goodbye and Nick told him where to go next.

He had heard about the restaurant but never been there. It was one of those theme-based ones, which in this case meant that there was a new chef from a different country every month.

"I chose this because they have a Scandinavian theme this month and the breakfast buffet has been reviewed so highly in all the papers." Nick had really done a lot of research on Norway and Scandinavia after he moved in.

"Do you know what country the chef is from?" He had tried breakfast in Copenhagen, Lund and Helsinki, besides all the family gatherings in Norway.

"Denmark I think it said." A slight blush of embarrassment crawled over the Texans face.

"Oh, best pastries you can ever have." His sweet tooth reminded him just how good it tasted.

Nick had booked a table for them in a corner of the restaurant leaving them some relative privacy. Small things like that always amused him, because most people really didn't care about what other people did at other tables. He had learned that after becoming a CSI, witnesses was notoriously bad at descriptions and most just didn't notice what happened around them. But the table was nice and the atmosphere in the room was relaxed.

The buffet was probably the biggest he had ever seen, there seemed to be everything there. He let the smells of the fresh pastry and the cheeses seduce him into a blissful state.

"What do you start with?" Nick stood at the plate racks and looked more than lost. He smiled and decided to give Nick the crash course on breakfast his way.

"Knife fork and plate to begin with." He led Nick to the bread and the pickled herrings.

With Nick in tow he realized how Grissom must feel when he sucked up every word of wisdom out on scene.

"Okay let's start with the herrings on the rye bread." For some reason his voice even sounded like that of a mentor. Nick eyed him and then the said items with suspicion.

"Traditional workman's food. Herrings are easy to preserve and they used to be in abundance making them cheap. The bread is not really a Norwegian thing, but you have it a lot in Denmark."

Nick started to load his plate with several slices of the bread.

"No stop, you only want one. You'll be full in no time, so one slice and cut into quarters." He took a slice and demonstrated before moving to the melted pork fat.

"What's that's for?" Nick asked when he started to spread the fat on his bread.

"It is fat instead of butter. Oh just a thin layer Nick. There are a lot of different herrings, so you should just take the one saying white and curry. Some have hardboiled eggs with it, do you want some?"

"If I'm only having two kinds why cut the bread in quarters?" The openness in Nick's attitude towards all these new things made him feel all warm and proud.

"Because there's a long way to the other end of the table." He helped Nick arrange his food before guiding him on to the wide selection of schnapps.

"What's this?" The innocent curiosity in the words made him think of Louise and how she was really getting in to discovering the world around her.

"Alcohol, traditional strong with lots of herbs in. About as strong as vodka." He scanned the row of bottles and recognized about half of the labels.

"I guess I'm allowed to drink again right?" Nick had taken the doctors serious about not drinking when taken meds and with Louise around the beers got moved to the back of the fridge behind all her baby food. The thought of Louise made him check his phone for any messages while he absentmindedly nodded in response to Nick.

"She'll be fine with him." Nick whispered as he joined him in his study of the bottles.

"I know, I just… it's been hard enough leaving her with you, but at least I get to spend the day with her…" The last words were slightly whiny and he mentally shook himself for being such a cry baby. Nick placed a hand in the small of his back and it gave him both strength and comfort, something Nick really hadn't been able to provide since his burial.

"Right. So these are the Danish ones and these the Norwegian ones." He indicated the various bottles and then picked out a line-aquavit that he had tried in Copenhagen once.

"This one has been over the equator. That's why it's called ‘linie' as in line." Nick nodded and watched as he carefully filled two small glasses with the amber liquid.

"Right that'll do for now." He said as he turned towards their table.

Nick followed after a long glance at the rest of the buffet.

"Wouldn't it have been easier if we'd gotten more?" Nick made what his mother called the typical American comment.

"No we'll want new plates once we have finished the fish." He flashed Nick a toothy grin and pulled out the chair for him still balancing his plate and glass.

"And here I thought I was the perfect gentleman." Nick mused smiling and he felt his knees go wobbly.

While they had been gone from the table a pot of coffee had been placed on their table and Nick poured them both a cup. He couldn't help but wonder if they could really be equals in a relationship or if the age difference or the cultural difference would come between them.

"Wanna share?" Nick had his open trusty face on and he could have sworn that at that very moment it was the Old Nick in front of him. A Nick that hadn't been held at gunpoint, stalked or buried.

"I just thought about how different worlds we come from… and if it would come between us. I mean… none of us are… even typical gays." The words came from a fear seated deep in the back of his mind, the same fear that had prevented him from ever asking Nick out in the past. It must have shown on his face because a deeply worried look settled on Nick's face.

"Are you having second thoughts?"

Nick's accent had thickened as it usually did when the emotions ran high in the Texans mind.

"No." It was the truth and he stated it in a steady low controlled way.

"I am not. I want this Nick, but even I can't help but wonder." There was more he wanted to say, but he didn't want to ruin their date with all his darkest fears.

Nick let out a relieved sigh and picked up his knife and fork to try out the food on his plate.

"Start with the white one and make sure to get some of the onion as well." He watched as Nick cut a piece of the bread careful to keep the herring and the onion ring in place. He chewed his own food while he studied Nick tasting it for the first time.

"Definitely different, but ok, the texture is…" Nick trailed off and he could see how the CSI in front of him carefully analyzed the experience.

"Ok?"

Nick nodded still contemplating what to say obviously.

"Good then it is time for the drink." He held up his glass and waited for Nick to do the same.

"Normally you'll empty it in one go, but I'm driving and you haven't had alcohol in a while, so I suggest that you'll just take a small sip."

"Do you say cheers or what?" Nick stared mesmerized at the amber liquid. "Skål!" Nick repeated it and took a sip. He saw Nick react to the instant burn in his mouth and throat and recognized them from himself when he had tried it the first time.

"Holy sh… how can you just drink it like that?" Nick panted with difficulty. "Same way you can munch down chili so hot that my lips are dead before I even get it to my mouth." He smiled amused at the various frowns Nick was going through.

"Talk about different worlds, wooha, that was strong." The alcohol had tinted Nick's cheeks red and his ears as well.

They resumed eating and he told Nick everything he knew about herrings. It was wonderful for him to have Nick's undivided attention and just let his mouth run free, it had been a long time since he'd last felt so good. By the time they finished their plates both their phones had made it on to the table in silent agreement, with the sound off, but just so they wouldn't miss anything regarding Louise.

"Nick?" He was very uncertain how the man in question would react to what he was about to do. Nick looked up at him a bit puzzled that he had stopped the lecture.

"Yeah?"

"I know this is silly, but I… I wanted to do something special." His right hand retrieved the bag that was burning a hole in his pocket. Nick just looked expectantly at him.

"In the Norse mythology the thunder God Thor has a hammer that always returns upon being thrown. It is called Mjølner or Mjollnir and is commonly portrayed like this." He held up the silver necklace with the hammer hanging from it.

"I want you to have it, because like it, you always come back." He felt awkward making his speech to Nick, but when he'd had the idea he just couldn't shake it again and had bought the jewelry. He chewed his lower lip as he waited for a response from Nick. "That's … you… I read about it… you." Nick wiped his eyes and coughed.

"That's about the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me." Nick looked at him with soft eyes and he felt the sappy cliché alarm go off in his brain.

"I wasn't sure and oh my god this just sounds so cliché. Score zero for originality." He grinned to ease the mushy mood.

"Don't say that. All I could come up with was breakfast." Nick didn't try to laugh it off and it dawned on him that Nick might be the kind of guy who liked to be wooed in the classic way.

"But it is the best breakfast ever." He smiled reassuringly.

"Can you put it on for me?" Nick's request surprised him; somehow he had never figured Nick would show affection in public. But then he had never seen Nick being serious about anyone before.

"So I take it you like to be wooed?" He asked teasingly as he gave Nick the necklace on. Nick reached up and took his hand and then turned to look at him. "Nothing wrong in that, is there?"

He smiled and whispered no.

He slowly guided Nick through the rest of the buffet and two hours later neither felt like eating another bite. They talked about the food, their cultures and their individual hopes for the future. It wasn't the place for their first kiss, but somehow they managed to touch in one way or another almost all the time. Nick paid for their meal and hand in hand they left the restaurant.

"So?"

"So?"

"What's next?" He didn't know if Nick had planned more or if they were to pick Louise up and go home.

"You and me… alone." Nick turned and faced him. He swallowed as he felt the tension build in his body.

"Check up call first?" Nick nodded and he had a very short conversation with Grissom.

"I had thought about going to the movies, but I… can we just go home." Nick asked shyly and he knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate on a movie.

"Home sounds nice. You chariot Sir." He said as he opened the door for Nick.

"Thank you Sir." Nick rewarded him with the unique megawatt smile.

It took a huge effort for him to concentrate on the driving, his blood was busy dealing with all the food in his stomach and whatever was not used there seemed to have gone to his groin. Nick tried to sit still in the passenger seat but failed miserably and he wondered why they had gone out in the first place. They didn't speak and the buildup was taking its toll on both of them.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Nick said the instant he parked the car and before he had undone his seatbelt Nick was already at the front door. He hoped that it was just Nick needing to go to the toilet real bad, but somehow he suspected that it was something else. With a worried frown he made his way inside and when he heard the bathroom door open he willed his face into a neutral expression. Nick made a beeline for a shopping bag hanging behind one of his jackets in the hallway.

"What's going on Nick?"

"Nothing." The word came too fast and it had that guilty twang to it.

"Spill." He held his hand out towards Nick and the shopping bag. A deep blush settled across Nick's features and he did his best to not look at the Texan with accusation.

"I just wanted to…" Nick trailed off as he peered into the bag.

"You wanted to what?!" He fought hard to keep his anger in check as he lifted his eyes to Nick's.

"Hmm well ya know… prepare." Nick said sheepishly and the even the tip of his ears had become red.

"Nick?" He tried hard to find the words for what he had to say, but it wasn't easy, not with the enema kit right there in the bag.

"I just thought that… ya know." The accent had thickened to a drawl.

"Don't assume to think that you know what I want." The morning had held all the promise in the world and now it was all gone. He was taking very controlled breaths to avoid hissing at Nick.

"Let us take this one step at a time." He said quietly to Nick who looked beyond uncomfortable.

"I just wanted to… sorry." Nick looked shyly at him and he moved forward putting his hands around Nick's waist.

"I want to get to know you, no facades and I want to find out what you like and what we like together. Just us, nothing else." Nick nodded slowly as he spoke and he could feel how the stressed man in his arms relaxed.

Nick brought his strong arms into motion and soft hands framed his face. He kept his eyes open till he could no longer see Nick's eyes. He had waited so long for their first kiss that is was weird when their lips finally touched. But the warm hands and the wet lips soon spread a warm feeling throughout him. He tightened his grip around Nick's waist and he was finally home. Nick moved his head back to look at him and he was met by practically black eyes.

"You've got a point. Just us." Nick whispered and he smiled with all of his heart. The hands holding his head guided him in for another kiss. He parted his lips and Nick took the invitation to let their tongues meet. The tips of their tongues touched and tasted before slowly going in deeper. It was just them and their first kiss and slowly Nick started to caress his head and hair.

He flinched and pulled away from the offensive hand.

"What, what did I do?" Nick stopped all movement and just stared at him.

"You found it." It took a deep breath for him to regain composure.

"I have a scar behind my left ear that I can't… I don't like to be touched there." It was just a quiet admission but one that he had never made before. He had always ignored it, but he had promised Nick that openness and honesty would be the building blocks for their relationship.

"Why not?" Nick softened his stiff posture and looked more concerned than anything else.

"I don't know… I just don't like it." He couldn't even remember how or when he had gotten it, it was as if it had always been there.

"That's okay, I don't like to have my nipples touched." Nick stated and he pulled the Texan in for another deep kiss.

His hands started to roam over the amazing back and every now and then he would make it all the way to Nick's ass. Nick's toned features had softened slightly while he was on medication and with taking care of Louise there hadn't been much time to do workouts for the Texan. But he knew that the strength was still there and all he really cared about was the man inside that beautiful frame.

Nick's hands also started to explore his body and extra attention was paid to his ass.

"You like my ass?!" He panted between kisses and he could feel that overwhelming smile spread on Nick's face.

"Love it, it has always fascinated me. Lab coats are a bad thing." The southern accent echoed in his ears and it turned him even more on. He brought his groin up against Nick to let him feel the effect and was rewarded with a deep moan of lust.

"Bedroom and phones." He panted and Nick made a sound of agreement. In the bedroom they resumed the passionate kisses and the slow exploration of each others bodies. By some unspoken agreement they removed one piece of clothing at a time to allow full devotion to the skin just revealed. He had never participated in anything so slow and sensual, but somehow it couldn't be any other way.

When they came to Nick's shirt he stayed clear of the Texan's nipples but went for the still very visible six-pack with both hands and mouth. As Nick touched every single scar on his back he finally accepted them as a part of him and not some mark imposed on him by dark forces.

"Do they hurt?" Nick whispered against his back as he kissed the strange landscape.

"Only one. My left shoulder." He could feel Nick move back to take a look at his shoulder.

"This one?" Nick trailed his fingers around the worst of them and he nodded.

"They pulled it too tight after…" Nick turned him around and kissed him stopping all talk. He dove into the kiss and focused solely on Nick. It took them forever or no time at all before they were down to their boxers, he couldn't tell and it didn't matter. He was standing with his back to the bed and all he had to do was take one step backwards to pull them both down. Nick most have come to the same conclusion, because when he was about to take his step, Nick stepped forward landing them both on the bed.

He slipped his hands under the waistband of Nick's boxers kneading the firm buttocks in the process. It produced some strange mewling sounds from Nick and he could feel Nick's erection against his own. Nick lifted them both further up on the bed and he discarded their boxers. The only thing left to remove was the necklace on Nick, but he knew it would stay on and it filled him with even more love and pride.

"You're beautiful." He had never said that to a man before, but it just jumped out of his mouth.

"You're really taking this wooing seriously aren't you?" Nick hovered above him avoiding the full body contact until further.

"It's too cliché, sorry." He said with a hint of embarrassment.

"I like it, cliché and all." Nick whispered and covered him with his body. The feeling of another cock against his own quickened his heartbeat and his breath started to come in short pants. It was a feeling so amazing that he could only think about maintaining the contact and he rocked his hips to get closer.

He vaguely heard the words spelling from Nick and he was pretty sure that his own mouth was running as well, but what was actually said he had no idea of. He caught a purty and a gorgeous while they rocked together rubbing their cocks against each other. Nick's hands were buried in his hair and his own were on an adventure of their own on Nick's back. The simple rocking motion was bringing him fast towards an orgasm and he wanted it so badly.

"Oh G. I'm… Ahhh!" Nick came and the warmth of Nick's cum together with the Texan's post-orgasmic moans had him coming soon after. He kept bucking his hips to ride out the last of his orgasm and it hadn't felt so good for ages.

"I love you." Nick whispered against his neck.

"Jeg elsker deg." He whispered back enjoying having Nick all over him. Nick rolled to the side and he rolled with until he was on top.

"What does that mean? I think I heard your mother say it." Nick was holding his head and he could have drowned in those dark brown eyes, if it wasn't for those strong hands.

"Jeg, I. Elsker, love. Deg, you." Nick repeated it a few times after him until he got it to sound almost Norwegian. He rewarded the pronunciation with a kiss and he savored the taste of Nick mixed with the smell of sex in the room.

"We're gonna be sticky." Nick said smiling as he was planting kisses all over the Texan's face.

"Hmm I know." He started to examine an earlobe with his tongue.

"Come on G. let's take a shower." Nick was squirming due to the earlobe attack.

"Together?"

"Of course, move."

In slow lazy moves they made their way to the bathroom and they stood under the spray kissing and touching till the water ran cold.

"Nick?"

"Yeah what." Nick wrapped him in the towel and pulled him for yet another kiss.

"You… eh we so need another bed."

"I know, I've had it for ages." Nick broke into that genuine smile which showed in every part of his face.

"So?"

"So?"

"So do we go pick up Louise now or…?" Nick was worse than him, neither of them liked to leave the little girl, but it had been worth it today.

"Grissom said he would send a message before going to bed." They returned to the bedroom and he checked the messages that he had gotten.

"He has sent two. Let me see." He opened the first message while Nick stretched out on the bed.

"Are at the amusement park. She loves it." He laughed remembering Grissom's fetish with roller coasters.

"Next one. Going to bed. Hope you are having a good time." He stretched out next to Nick and went into the phone settings menu.

"What are you doing?" Nick gave him a lazy loving stare.

"Setting the message alert to annoying loud, so I can hear it when sleeping." "BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP." Nick imitated fairly accurate and he dumped the phone on the nightstand.

"I guess this is the price you pay when you reach 30." He moaned.

"What?" Nick sounded very puzzled.

"That you can't go three rounds anymore. I mean I'm exhausted." He smiled and found one of Nick's hands with his own.

"You've worked all night, gone out and well made out. Quality over quantity G. quality over quantity." Nick squeezed his hand.

"I'm glad you stopped me." Nick added after a pause. His tired brain took its time remembering what Nick was referring to.

"All in good time Nick. All in good time." He cuddled closer to Nick who pulled the comforter over them.

It's a well known fact that you don't bring the phone when you're out surfing, so he had no idea where he had the obnoxious ringing thing in his outfit. Another annoying ring brought his dream to a screeching halt and he was fumbling for his cell on the nightstand.

"Sanders." He croaked trying to figure out the where and the when.

"Grissom. I just wanted to know if you're gonna pick her up before work." Grissom sounded far too awake and he winced at the late hour displayed on the alarm clock.

"Work's still 3 hours away." He grumbled knowing perfectly well that Grissom would have been there already if he hadn't been babysitting.

"Greg." He heard the sigh and saw the look of his tormented mentor before his eyes.

"I know, you've got paperwork and you would've been in by now normally." He sat up and looked at the now awakening Nick.

"So what are your plans or have forgotten all about her?" He was almost sure that Grissom was trying to be funny.

"We haven't and I'll just talk to Nick and then call you back." He looked into dark brown eyes that radiated love.

"Okay Greg, but don't take too long." Grissom said and then he heard Louise in the background. Whatever his little girl was doing it had his boss hanging up on him without warning.

"Talk to me about what?" Nick yawned and rubbed his face.

"About picking up Louise. If you're up to it you could come into work and say hi and take her home from there." He was talking fast nearly babbling and would have continued for longer if Nick hadn't kissed him.

"Sounds like an idea. Call Griss and tell him." Nick whispered after a long deep kiss. The phone call was short and it left them 1 hour and 15 minutes before they would have to leave the house.

Nick resumed the kissing once he was done talking with Grissom and he surrendered completely to the kisses and touches Nick adorned him with. It was a long time since anyone had been there for him and now that he had it, it was almost too much for him to handle. So he nearly missed the change in Nick's behavior as they kissed and groped. He slowed down and sought eye contact, but found only a distant look on Nick's face.

"What's the matter kjære?" He kept looking into the brown eyes, but they were empty and Nick's hands had stranded on his ass.

"Nick talk to me." Fear tightened its grip on him as it had done so many times in last month and he felt physically sick.

"Nick baby, it's okay." Nick blinked and started trembling. He wrapped the comforter around Nick and cradled the Texan the best he could.

"Work…" Nick croaked and he wanted to flee, he was torn by conflicting emotions, all he had wanted was a nice wake up cuddle, not a panic attack.

"You don't have to go in baby." He cooed and all ideas of sex had long scampered off.

"Shit… that… what…" Nick was stammering words at random and he struggled to make sense of them.

"There's no pressure. If you can't handle the thought of going in, then I'll just pick up Louise and come home with her." He said as calm as possible.

"But I have to." Nick hiccupped. It was hard for him to understand the words and even harder to understand what was going on with Nick.

"Not yet kjære." He deliberately used the Norwegian version of dear to let Nick know that he was ready to use a nickname, hoping it could distract Nick now where Louise wasn't home.

"I must. I… it it's… it just took my breath away." Nick whispered crawling into his embrace as much as he possibly could.

"Well there're some pretty scary glass walls there." He kissed Nick's scalp and caressed the normally big man who seemed so small laying like that in his lap.

"Other people." Nick added in a hoarse whisper.

"Yeah… it can be a bit like being the main attraction on the freak show." He could only too easily recall the stares when he returned from the explosion. "I still want to though." Nick looked up and the determined set features on the Texan spooked him.

"Okay, but if there's just the smallest thing you let me know kjære." He pressed another kiss to Nick's head.

"What does it mean?" Nick leaned into him again and the trembling subsided.

"It means dear. I don't know if people still use it in Norway, but Papa Olaf always called my grandmother kjære. And somehow it just seems right for you." He punctuated his words with kisses.

"I like it." Nick moved about and ended up on his back with his head in his lap. He caressed every line on the Texans face and eventually Nick started to smile, giving him even more lines to trace.

"You're beautiful."

"I never thought of myself as beautiful." Nick said softly.

"But you are to me. I've never said it to another guy before, but it just seems right for you." He bent down and found Nick's lips with his own.

"Eww stubble." The tip of his nose had come into close contact with Nick's chin and it felt like he was attacked with needles.

"That's what you get when sleeping with a real man." Nick teased, but the smile didn't quite reach the dark eyes. He was glad that it hadn't turned into one of the big panic attacks; it would have felt too much like going back on the emotional rollercoaster.

"I know, now let's go shave." They got up to get ready for going into work.

"Nick let's bring these just for precaution." He held up the bottle with anti-anxiety pills.

"I… don't wanna take them." Nick sighed. "I know, but trust me if panic settles deep they work wonders… for a while." He remembered walking past a barbecue party one day shortly after his own release from hospital and the smell of burned meat had had him panicking real badly.

"But you said I had to be off the meds." Nick mumbled obviously still not to sure how much he would stick to his principles.

"Yeah, but I'm not going back now. I'm here with you now. As your lover Nick. A few pills won't change that." He smiled reassuringly and kissed the nervous man in front of him.

"You're not mad at me… for freezing up like that?" Nick was stepping around nervously.

"No, like you said quality over quantity. I have waited long enough to have sex with you; that I can wait a bit longer. It's not like we're teenagers anyway." He caught Nick in a loving embrace. Nick finally allowed for a smile to creep across his face.

"We could always pretend." Nick suggested and he looked so much like the Nick Stokes he had started flirting with back when he first arrived at the lab.

"G?"

"Yeah."

"Warrick and Cath?" Nick didn't need to elaborate the question further.

"She pushed him away I think. We haven't talked that much about it. But he's been talking about some girl named Tina lately." Warrick had continued to come by most days, but after the incidents with the ants he had come alone. Nick had never asked why and he decided to let Warrick be the one to tell Nick about what was going on.

"Tina?" Nick tasted the name and shrugged his shoulders.

"Never heard him mention her before. Funny… I mean I've had this third wheel feeling for so long working with them and now…" Nick dropped the subject and they finished up.

"You're driving Nick." He threw the car keys at the unsuspecting man who caught them by pure luck.

"What?" The puzzled look on Nick's face changed into a determined one and he wished that they would get further than the first intersection this time.

"You'll just pull over if it gets too much, like the other day."

"Okay… besides how hard can it be eh?" Nick showed him a halfhearted smile and got in.

Halfway Nick pulled over, got out and took several deep breaths before letting him drive the rest of the way. When they pulled into the parking lot Grissom was unloading the pram and Nick eagerly jumped out to get to Louise. He hung back and just enjoyed the sight of Nick with his little girl in his arms, strong arms that he had always adored. His stomach had opened up a butterfly farm the moment he stopped the engine and the reality of colleagues and the date and their relationship all collided.

He joined Nick and Grissom before going inside. Nick walked in the middle caring Louise while Grissom pushed the pram and he just kept a supportive hand on the small of Nick's back. They made it to the break room without any incidents except for the occasional stare from people from other shifts, but Nick didn't seem to notice and he did his best to wave them off.

Sara was already there going over some report and she took a moment to acknowledge Nick's presence. It shouldn't have bothered him but it did and he could feel a slow onset of anger building inside. He started to make coffee taking his mind of other people for a while and only listening to Nick and Grissom talk to and talk about Louise. Sara added a few words here and there, but he could tell she was uncomfortable.

"Anybody want some coffee?"

"Oh yeah." He hadn't heard Warrick enter so the words made him jump a bit.

"Hey bro." Warrick turned his full attention to Nick and Louise. He passed coffee round and settled in a chair looking at Nick and his audience. As more people started to show up Grissom directed the traffic in and out of the breakroom making sure that they weren't crowding Nick too much. The nervousness he had felt earlier had been replaced by a slight agitation and it was caused especially by Sara's behavior towards Nick. It was a mystery to him why she behaved so strange since she had been one of his biggest supports after he came back to work.

"Can he drive home?" Grissom asked when Warrick and Nick went to the bathroom to change Louise.

"No, he made it halfway here. Then there were too many lanes and cars." He swirled the last bit of coffee around in the mug avoiding eye contact.

"I'll drop him off." He looked up at Grissom's statement with a questioningly face.

"Saves us the trouble of repacking cars." He nodded in agreement and hoped that Nick wouldn't panic on the way home.

When they were all gathered again in the breakroom Grissom handed out the nights assignments.

"Sara, Warrick and Greg you get the big pile up and Brass will meet you there. Initial report says 9-10 vehicles." Grissom gave them the slip.

"Cath and I will drop Nick home on the way to our DB of the night." Grissom's words made Nick give him a rather tormented look. He smiled and nodded trying to be all reassurance from a distance.

He helped Nick pack up Louise's stuff while Sara was telling him to hurry up.

"You better get going. I'll be alright." Nick whispered and pulled him close. Then Nick did something he would never have expected in a million years, he kissed him right there in the breakroom in front of everybody.

"Jeg elsker deg." Nick mumbled and he melted inside.

"I love you too." He whispered back before following Sara and Warrick out of the breakroom.

It was a chaos of emergency vehicles and twisted metal when they arrived at the pile up.

Brass quickly briefed them on the situation and they sat about finding vehicle zero to establish the cause of the accident, since the eyewitnesses had told several very different scenarios. He was on one side of an old Volvo and Warrick on the other marking out skid marks and taking photos.

"You know what Greggo?" Warrick's voice was barely audible because of all the cutting action going on around them.

"No, what?" He was focusing on some broken glass on the ground.

"I don't think I've ever seen my bro kiss any one in public before." They where drowned in bright white light and the red and blue flashes stopped.

"Yeah well he kinda surprised me there too." He snapped a photo of the broken glass.

"You're doing it wrong Greg!" Sara shouted accusingly at him.

"What?" He was sure he had done it the way he had been told to. Sara yanked the camera from him.

"You're using the wrong setting. Besides the angle is wrong." The anger in her voice was scaring him and it made Warrick come round to see what it was all about.

"There's nothing wrong with the angle." Warrick stated looking at the small display.

"It won't hold up in court." She hissed and pressed the camera back in his hands.

"I'll do them again it's no problem." He hated the quiver in his voice, but he couldn't figure out where all her anger came from.

"You don't have to Greg. Sara this is a waste of time, his pictures are fine." Warrick straightened his back to tower them both.

"He'll do them again. I won't take the fall just because he's incompetent." She spat the words out and they stung. Warrick frowned and he could feel a treacherous tear forming in his eye.

"What the hell are you on about?" Warrick had raised his voice and was just short of shouting.

"What do you think?" She snapped back.

"Sara I'll do them again, just show me." He tried to keep the tears at bay, but anger and confusion were struggling in his mind.

"You've been shown a million times. You should've learned by now!" She shouted at him after having assumed a threatening posture.

"Leave him alone! He knows what he's doing." Warrick yelled uncontrolled.

"Will you keep it down?!" Brass barked gruffly at them.

"What kind of behavior is this?" Brass lowered his own voice but the anger was evident.

Warrick and Sara started explaining at the same time and it made Brass roll his eyes.

"One at a time and keep it down, we have a big audience tonight if you haven't noticed." They all three mumbled sorry and then Warrick started speaking.

"Sara came over and told Greg that what he was doing was wrong. But it ain't and I told her that." Brass stared at Sara.

"I just heard you praise him the other day?!" Brass kept his eyes trained on her.

"Yeah well but tonight he's been doing it wrong." She snapped back. Warrick launched a verbal attack on her and Brass moved to stand next to the angry man. He felt like an outsider suddenly and it hurt to see the two men threaten Sara to the point where she was just fighting to keep herself from running away.

In a weird sense he needed to protect her, even though she had shouted at him just moments before. He had no idea to what was happening with Sara, but she showed some of the same signs that he had seen in Nick lately. So he moved to stand next to her, facing the other two in order to defend her.

"Will you stop? Please." He begged when there was a silent moment.

"I'll do them again under Sara's supervision." His voice was unsteady and Warrick looked at him questioningly.

"But…"

"Warrick I'll do them again. OKAY!"

Annoyed he cut him off. Both Brass and Warrick eyed him and Sara suspiciously before returning to work the crime scene. Sara barked orders at him for the next many hours and he just took it all, knowing that whatever was eating her she wasn't ready to deal with it. Nothing he did was good enough and it was wearing him down fast, but somehow he found the stamina to take the abuse.

The sun was peaking over the horizon when they cleared the accident site and headed back to the lab. He had little to no idea how many had been injured or killed, but he was painfully aware of every little shard of glass that had been spilled in the accident. Sara had made sure of that though Warrick had several times tried to argue that it wasn't necessary.

They had not been back five minutes when they all got called to Grissom's office.

"What happened?" Grissom held the TV-remote in his hand and put the sound back on when they entered. They were clearly visible in the background of the reporter and the camera had caught their argument as if they had posed for it.

"Say something or do you want to wait for Ecklie?" Grissom's blue eyes were cold as ice.

"My fault, I kinda lost my temper." Warrick surprised him, but Grissom saw the lie and he could see a reprimand building.

"That's not what I heard." He hadn't noticed Brass when he entered and nearly jumped at the grumpy words. Sara crossed her arms and tilted her head back in a self-defensive posture. Warrick stood uneasy on his feet as if he was most inclined to running away. He was so tired that even the plastic smile had fallen from his face and he just stood there waiting.

Grissom took of his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose hard enough to leave an impression. Brass stood stock still and just stared at Sara who held the gaze.

"What happened Sara?" Grissom asked again with a slight agitation to the words.

"I just wanted Greg to do it right." She attempted a clear professional voice.

"Did he do anything wrong Sara?" It was slightly unnerving to be talked about as if he wasn't present.

Warrick jumped to his defense. "No he didn't, we were working either side of a car talking when she snapped."

"I didn't snap." Sara was obviously struggling to keep her cool.

"You did. We were just talking about Nick when you came over and bit his head off." Warrick's words were heavy with accusation and they came out in an unfamiliar way.

"I came over because what he…"

"You're jealous!" He exclaimed; it had suddenly occurred to him that Sara was jealous of Nick and the attention he had gotten from everyone in the break room. The look of shock and subsequent realization on her face broke his last defense and the tears came fast and without warning.

"I'm not." Sara said but the defeat in her voice told them that she knew.

"What's to be jealous of?" He cried. "He's been through hell." The words came out in hiccups between the sobs.

Strong arms embraced him, but he barely recognized his boss as the tears took control of his mind. How long he stood there and cried his heart out he would never know and Grissom just sent him home when he regained control. He grabbed his things and went out to his car. Only his hands were shaking badly by then and it took several attempts to unlock the car and get in.

Unable to start the car let alone drive he fished out his journal and read some of his old entries. It calmed him down enough to write a few lines.

Nick kissed me in the break room tonight!!!!!!!!!
We had the best date.
Grissom babysat Louise.
Sara treated me like shit tonight.

He wanted to write more, but he mostly wanted to go home and his hands had stopped shaking.

When he pulled up he noticed that the front door was open and that somebody was sitting on the landing.

"Did the house get to small?" He dug deep inside to find a calm voice.

"Kinda." Nick swirled the yellowish fluid in his cup round in lazy circles. He sat down beside Nick and put an arm around his lover.

"Did the chamomile help?" One of the nurses at the hospital had convinced Nick of the benefits of chamomile tea.

Nick turned his head and looked into his eyes.

"Kinda." The dark brown eyes sparkled in the morning sunlight and gave Nick a devilish look.

"Is that all you have to say?" He squinted against the sunlight and his already irritated eyes felt like the desert had taken up permanent residence there.

"I'm glad you're home." Nick put the cup down and hugged him.

"And I'm glad to be home." He sighed and the overwhelming need for comfort made it more than hard for him to sit there and comfort Nick instead.

"Greg?" Nick gasped sounding out of breath from the tight embrace.

"Yeah." He relaxed his arms.

"What's the matter?" Nick's voice had found its normal strength and he had been seen right through.

"Sara. She had a go at me tonight." He thought that he had used up the days quota of tears already, but a few slipped down his cheeks anyway.

Nick stood up and offered him a hand.

"Let's go inside and then you can tell me all about it." Nick pulled him up. "Is Louise sleeping?" He let Nick steer him inside.

"Yeah, finally. She didn't fall asleep until it was like 3. But I put her in her own bed." The last was said with an unmistakable pride.

"So?" Nick took his backpack and knelt down to set it on the floor.

"You kissed me in the break room." Nick untied his shoelaces and eased one shoe of at a time.

"You didn't like that?" Nick sounded worried and almost guilty.

"I loved it, you just surprised me." Nick stood up and gently kissed him. "I just couldn't help myself." Nick smiled and removed his jacket.

"Well you know that me, Warrick and Sara got sent out to this pile up?" Nick nodded and guided him towards the bedroom.

"So Warrick was working on some skid marks and I was photographing some broken glass and we were talking." Nick nodded and started to undress him. "We were talking about you and kissing me in public when Sara came over and started telling me off for doing it wrong." Nick nodded and removed his own clothes.

"I had no idea why it was wrong, so I asked her to show me again and Warrick started saying that I hadn't done anything wrong." Nick nodded and laid them both down on the bed.

"She called me incompetent. Then Warrick got really angry and started shouting." Nick nodded and nibbled on his left earlobe.

"I just kept saying that I'd do the pictures again. But they weren't paying attention, not until Brass came over and told us to keep it down because of the audience." Nick nodded as he gently suckled on his left nipple.

"So now both Brass and Warrick were giving her a hard time and I couldn't stand it, so I tried to defend her." Nick nodded and danced his tongue around his bellybutton.

"Anyway I ended up as her slave for the night. No matter what she told me to do I just couldn't get it right, at least that what she kept telling me." Nick nodded and kissed his way down over one hipbone to his inner thighs.

"I don't know if I could have survived if Warrick hadn't kept telling me that what I did was fine." Nick nodded and planted a kiss on each of his balls.

"Mmh… it took forever doing the scene like that and the sun was getting up as we headed back to the lab." Nick nodded and kissed the tip of his cock.

"Mmh… when we got back we got called in to Grissom's office right away." Nick nodded and took his cock in his mouth. "Mmh… he showed us the news. We had been caught on camera mid-fight."

His hands found their way to Nick's hair.

"So Grissom asked for an explanation and I hadn't seen Brass was there as well." Nick dipped his tongue in the slit and stroked his thumb over the sensitive smooth skin behind his balls. "Mmh… feels good. Sara and Warrick started explaining and then it occurred to me that whenever you were mentioned Sara got angrier." He needed to release all the tension of the night, but he needed more than just a blow job for that.

"Nick… I need… more." Nick looked up and pointed to his nightstand. It didn't take long for his fingers to locate the lube and hand it to Nick.

"Please Nick, just a finger to help me come." He pleaded totally oblivious to what Nick wanted or needed.

"What happened then?" Nick asked momentarily letting go of his cock.

"Well I mmh… asked if she was jealous of you." Nick moved a slick finger over his tight muscle and tapped gently at the tiny opening.

"Mmh… she denied it, but it was so obvious that she was." He felt the finger dip inside.

"Oh yeah so good." Nick took closed his mouth over his cock again and began to move the finger in and out.

"I was so angry and hurt and I just screamed at her that there was no reason to be jealous of you and all the shit that you had been through." Nick brushed his prostate and his thighs tensed.

"And then I did the must masculine thing. I started crying. One more finger please." He begged knowing that he still needed more before he could come. Nick complied and added the second finger so gently that he felt no pain at all.

"Grissom held me in a bear hug until I stopped crying and then he… sent… me… home." He came into Nick's mouth and the suction that Nick maintained sent him into an orgasm of the big ones. He writhed on the bed moaning and groaning, and finally the horrors of the night vanished from his mind.

"Oh my god Nick, that was… amazing." He smiled so much that he was sure he face would come apart.

"Figured you needed some tension release." Nick smiled from ear to ear as well and began to withdraw his fingers.

"Make love to me kjære." He whispered knowing that it was a lot to ask for. Nick stared at him wide eyed.

"I'm all relaxed and ready for you." He whispered in the most sexy voice he could come up with.

"You sure? ‘Cause I don't wanna hurt you." The worry in Nick's voice only made him more determined and he nodded. Nick pointed to the nightstand again and he shook his head making Nick look even more wide eyed than before.

"We're both clean… I want you. Just you." He grabbed a pillow and with a little help from Nick placed it under his butt. Hesitantly Nick lubed his cock and moved to kneel between his splayed legs. When he felt the soft head of Nick's cock resting against him, he wrapped his legs around Nick's waist and drew the Texan gently closer. He was rewarded with the wonderful sensation of being filled.

"That… that's so tight." Nick gasped as he was pulled inside.

"That's so good." He moaned tightening his legs until he felt Nick's balls brush against his buttocks. Nick struggled to breathe and the dark eyes became almost black.

"Oh my God Greg." Nick panted and pulled backwards when he relaxed his legs. He guided Nick in and out with his legs to begin with, as Nick seemed hesitant to move on his own account.

Eventually Nick got the idea and increased the rhythm of his thrusts. His cock had regained stiffness and was more than ready to play again. He would have screamed out loud in lust, if it wasn't for the fact that Louise was sleeping in her room, so good was it. The steady pace and the move of Nick's abdominal muscles over his cock made him come again. Nick yelped when his muscles clenched and came just seconds after. For the first time he felt warm cum inside him.

Nick practically collapsed on top of him breathing hard.

"Jeg elsker deg kjære." He whispered and stroked Nick on the head. The words were repeated in a thick voice and he felt tears fall from Nick.

"Are you crying?" Nick nodded.

"I've never tried anything this good." Nick sniffled into his neck.

"Me neither, must be the love thing." He sighed more happy and content than he had felt in ages.

The next week passed by in a blur of work and sex for him. His whole life evolved around Nick and Louise. They started to plan her birthday party and Nick managed to drive down the Strip and back again without panicking. The ants in the garden was however still a cause of major anxiety whenever they made an appearance. But Nick had taken well to the idea of facing his fear, in form of the ants, and attacked them with boiling water.

His stuff slowly made its way from his apartment to the house. Nick threw out a lot of old stuff to make room for his things and he in turn also discarded a lot. But it had to be done in Nick's pace, sometimes if too many things changed in one day Nick would be panicking the next and unable to find his way around the house.

They had their first real fight when it came to the study and the amount of space that each should have. It was short and they argued their way to a solution leaving them both satisfied. It had always been his worst fear in a relationship that fights could not be resolved. But with Nick it worked, even though in the midst of the fight he felt no love at all for the Texan.

Louise grew and started to take her first steps holding their hands for security. She had outgrown most of the clothes that Mette had given them and since she was starting to walk they also had to buy shoes for her. Nick had been ready to buy the whole baby-shop for her and it took a lot to convince him that she could just have the things for her birthday. They had invited their parents and siblings and of course their colleagues.

"Hey Greggo mind if I take off now. I'm meeting Tina." Warrick was more than eager to leave on time and they were just playing the waiting game for the police to find their suspect.

"If it's ok by Griss, sure go ahead." He waved Warrick off and returned to his coffee.

"You ok?" There was only a slight hint of worry to be heard from Warrick.

"Fine, just putting off a phone call." He threw Warrick his goofball smile.

After Warrick left he went down the hallway to see who was still there and if they could entertain him. He had yet to tell Nick about Christmas in Norway and now where half of his family was coming there would be no chance in hell to keep Nick from finding out. He dragged his feet back to the break room for another cup of coffee.

They had agreed, actually Nick had insisted upon him sending a message if he was to stay longer at work. Hey baby am running late. Waiting for a suspect. He hit send on the cell phone and got up again, hoping that there would be something to do. He had probably passed Grissom's office 5 times within 10 minutes without noticing his boss presence.

"Greg?" Grissom called after him on his return from the men's room and he nearly jumped, because he was certain that his boss wasn't there.

"Yeah." He leaned on the doorframe not really knowing if it was an invitation to come in.

"Why are you still here?" He stopped himself from babbling some long lame excuse and just shrugged his shoulders.

"Greg? You're not having problems… at home?" Grissom's mothering act had taken him a lot to get used to and it still came out kinda odd.

"No, but I will if I don't get this over with." If one day he ever became a suspect, he would not stand a chance against someone like Grissom, when his boss said nothing he babbled on despite his resolution no to.

"You know how I put in for vacation for this Christmas ages ago and now I won't need it because I'll be on ma… paternity leave right?" Grissom nodded.

"Well it's because I'm going to Norway for Christmas and a wedding and I haven't told Nick and he's already talking about Christmas in Texas."

The blue eyes just looked at him waiting for an answer in that annoyingly quiet way Grissom had down to perfection.

"And I really don't want to go alone to Norway and now everybody is coming for Louise's birthday and I need to tell him before that, but what if he doesn't wanna go and what if he can't afford the ticket and I have to pay for two children and I'm not even sure I can afford that." He ran out of breath.

Grissom still just looked at him waiting for him to finish his ramblings.

"So I kinda wanna ask my parents for money for the plane tickets, because whoever can afford it helps out when there are big family things happening. But what if Nick doesn't want them helping us?" He was pacing around in Grissom's office trying to gather the courage to have ‘the talk' with Nick. Money and relationships was something that he had never gotten right.

"Haven't you talked finances?" Grissom stared in mild disbelief at him.

"No." He admitted sheepishly. "It's not really something that I'm good with. Talking about money in a relationship I mean." He mumbled and took a seat in front of Grissom. "Even I know that you have to talk about money when living together."

Grissom sighed, took of his glasses and performed his nose pinching routine.

His pager went off and Grissom nodded his permission to check it.

"Ah, they found our suspect out on the I-15 and will have him here in hour or so."

"Then you have time to make some calls." Grissom said and got up. "Use my phone." It came out as one of those orders that there was no arguing against and Grissom closed the door on the way out.

"Hello."

"Hi dad."

"Hey son how are things?" His father sounded cheerful.

"Hmm okay. But eh… I haven't talked to Nick about Norway." He cleared his throat several times to get it said.

"You're kidding?" His father sounded anything but cheerful.

"Nope, kinda been waiting for the right moment." The words even sounded lame to him.

"What are you doing talking to me then?" There was reproach in the words and it stung badly.

"Eh… Do you know how much extra it is for children? I mean the plane tickets." His voice sounded squeaky and he cleared his throat again.

"No need to worry there, your mother and mormor yakked for hours last night and they competed on who was to pay for the kids and sit with the new baby. Guess who had cold dinner?" His father was the master of mock insult and he managed a weak laugh in return.

"Better talk to Nick then." He swallowed the proverbial lump in his throat and finished the call with his father. It took him a few minutes before he picked up the phone again. It didn't connect right away and the static was slowly driving him towards the edge. When it finally began ringing it rang for ages before being answered. "Holmes repair shop how may I help?" He had hit the wrong buttons and he stuttered an excuse before hanging up.

"Stokes." Nick answered the phone after one ring and he sounded very awake and alert.

"Hey kjære." His voice sounded honey-coated and it would so not do for work.

"Hey doll. Have you found your suspect?" Nick was all sweetness.

"Yeah, he'll be ready for interview in an hour or so." He was mustering as much mental strength as possible for ‘the talk' and small talk wasn't helping.

"Oh, so you'll be home in two three hours?" There was a hint of disappointment in Nick's words but not much.

"Umm yeah I guess. Nick there's something we need to talk about." He cleared his throat again.

"Sure, what?"

"Christmas." He replied in the smallest voice he had used for a very long time.

"Christmas?"

"Yeah, eh I'm… eh it's been planned for ages that the whole family is going to Norway for Christmas and one of my cousins is throwing in her wedding as well." He looked at his free hand and hated that it was shaking uncontrollably.

"Oh, but… can we go to Paris too then?" Nick asked the classic question for people who hadn't been to Europe before.

"I don't think there'll be time for that. It takes like a day to get there and costs a fortune." His brain only then caught up with the fact that Nick had accepted the trip that easy.

"So you'll come with me?" He gasped.

"Yeah it's only every second year that my parents gets us all together for Christmas and that's even years." Nick explained it just like that; there was no harsh words about him not having been told before.

"You're not mad at me for not saying it sooner?" His need to know would one day become his death he was certain of that.

"I kinda knew. I mean Catherine only gave me two days of for Christmas and when I asked she mentioned something about you being gone for a long time. Besides your dad said something when they were here and now when you told me it all added up." Nick took a deep breath.

"I love you." He whispered since he was not really confident with his voice at that moment.

"Love you too sweetie, anyway I guess I wasn't entitled to know before we actually had something going." Nick took it all so easy and he had dreaded this conversation for quite a while.

"Maybe we should talk money when I get home then?" His hand had stopped shaking.

"Yeah it has to be done I guess." Nick sighed and maybe it wasn't going to be all that hard after all.

Two hours and 45 minutes later he parked his car in the drive and with an unmistakable bounce in his moves he got out of the car.

"Honey I'm home!" He proclaimed upon opening the door.

"Kitchen!" Nick's reply was muffled in a weird way. Keys and shoes landed somewhere near their appropriate places as he hurried through to the kitchen. He was greeted with a kiss from both Louise and Nick.

Nick served them breakfast and they talked about Norway and the wedding and after circling the money issue for a while they finally talked that over too. It didn't really surprise him that Nick's family had a lot of money and that Nick didn't lack any either. But they still agreed that he paid his share of the mortgage and the daily necessities. All while they had talked, they had played with Louise and when she became all red eyed, they put her to bed.

"Playtime." Nick purred playfully into his ear and his somewhat exhausted body got an energy boost.

"You're on." He crash tackled Nick onto the bed and eagerly removed their clothes. Up until then it had been sweet gentle lovemaking, but he needed to get all his tension over the mornings issues out and hence he forgot all about being gentle.

"You're an eager beaver aren't you?" Nick teased and when he held up the lube, he just received a confirming nod from his lover. He skipped all foreplay and went straight to preparing Nick, who in turn seemed more than ready for him.

"Spoon me." Nick moaned and hardly had the words been spoken before he was in position, entering in one fluid motion. He reached his hand round to take care of Nick's hard cock and in what seemed like no time at all they both climaxed.

Neither spoke, they were just there still connected in the most intimate way possible and it became all about love again. He kissed the back of Nick's neck and his hand gently caressed the parts of the body that it could reach.

"Nick?"

"Hmm."

"Was I too rough?" Hindsight was sobering him up fast.

"No, eager but not rough." He could hear the smile in Nick's words and his heart melted.

"I could make it up to you?" He pulled out, before he got too hard again.

"How?" Nick rolled over and kissed him.

"I could ride you." The smile on Nick's face grew and so did something else. He gently pushed Nick onto his back and found the lube to prepare himself. It was slow and sensual and he was so boneless afterwards that Nick practically carried him to the shower.

Mette had also been invited for Louise's birthday but had declined, saying she would rather come over on her actual birthday and so she did. Her pregnancy had begun to show, but she wasn't bothered much by it. She had bought a little blue teddy for Louise and it was the only present that day that she bothered to play with. They had gotten her some shoes and one of those ‘play to learn' things with different shapes.

"I'm so glad that we did this Greg and I guess you really hit the jackpot."

Mette smiled and watched as Nick fed Louise some banana.

"You look so much better today." He had turned down his flirting lately, but he still couldn't help himself.

"Thanks and I'm so sure that I'm not ready for children yet. I had this client yesterday and she had a little boy with her about her age I guess and he was on my nerves from the second they arrived to they left." She sighed and patted her belly. "So this one is yours for sure."

The day of the birthday party arrived and so did a lot of people. He had studied Nick's family albums and Nick had studied his, but chaos reigned for the first couple of hours. However when his grandmother's birthday cake for Louise was served some kind of order descended upon them all. They held the party in the garden since there was no possible way to fit 38 people into the living room.

"Where are we gonna have all this stuff for her?" He surveyed the table designated for Louise's presents with Nick.

"I have no idea, now I see why you stopped me the other day in the baby-shop."

"Don't worry it'll get worse as they grow older." Catherine had made her way over to them.

"That's what I'm afraid off." He sighed and held up another cute pink dress, wondering if she would ever manage to wear them all just once.

It was late before the last guests left and technically not all did, since Nick's parents and one of his sisters with children would be sleeping over. His parents and grandparents had borrowed his apartment for the weekend and would meet them in the morning for brunch in one of their favorite morning restaurants.

"What a day." Nick sighed after they had gone to bed with Louise safely tucked between them.

"You can say that again." He was flat on his back and even though he had caught a few hours of sleep after work, his body clock was officially screwed up.

"It all went pretty well though, I mean no big awkward moments." Nick said with relief.

"Nah, I had my doubts about Tina, but I didn't notice anything." He yawned. "Me neither, she seems kinda nice."

Nick yawned too and they only mustered a simple kiss on the lips for goodnight.

I have never felt better in my whole life.
Nick is everything that I ever imagined he could be and then some.
He is the sweetest most gentle person I have ever made love with.
I know for sure he would never do anything to hurt me.
That's why we make love instead of having sex.
When he first told me that he always bottomed I just couldn't figure out why. But like that he wouldn't be able to hurt the one he was with. Typical Nick. Louise had the biggest best party ever and everybody came.

Sara gave her an insanely expensive doll.
Probably just trying to pay her way out of her guilt.
Nick really made her feel so guilty when he called her over after we had been caught fighting on screen.
All the things that he blamed her for!
I have seen him angry before, but I sincerely hope that I'll never piss him off for real.
He booted me and Louise out of the house, just so he could have a go at Sara.
Needless to say that she has been one big walking excuse ever since.
He still hasn't told me the exact contents of their ‘conversation'.

I've been dropping by Mette almost every day for the past two weeks.
I can barely wait for the baby to come and it's still 4 months away.
I bought the cutest little beige outfit for a newborn yesterday.
I know it's kind a silly, but I just want everything to be ready.
Nick is still too busy with Louise to really think about the new baby.
Somehow she has become his daughter more than mine.
Not that I mind, but it is a bit weird sometimes.
So I guess the new baby will probably feel more like mine.
I am the one to take leave. It'll be strange to be gone from the lab for so long.
Nick has more than once said that he wish he could take the leave.
But since it is my name on the adoption papers he can't.
And since we haven't been together for that long, he can't go on the papers.

Nick has been cleared to return to work.
Initially confined to the lab, wonder how long it'll take Hodges to drive him mad?
So now we need a babysitter.
After the ‘money' talk it's not really a problem.
But Nick is making it one.
No matter how well qualified the person is, he finds something wrong.
I'm really getting tired of it. Mostly because we have only two days left.
I think we have like two possible ones left to interview.

I love Nick, but there is something wrong.
Which is really scaring me, because I don't wanna loose him.
He's normally the one who just takes all the stuff that we need to talk about easy.
But he's not easy about this and I don't know why.
I don't think that he wants to break up and I hate myself for even thinking it.
I just don't wanna loose him.
It has taken us forever to get to this.
And I don't think that I can live without him now.
I used to wonder if I would ever get a piece of him, but I was a chicken.

Maybe I just had to grow up first?
What is wrong?
What is he not telling me?

He closed the journal when he heard the locker room door open.

"Hey Greg, so I heard Nick's returning to work in a couple of days?" Archie sat down next to him on the bench.

"Yeah he is." He untied his shoes.

"Is it weird?" He wondered if Archie had been sent by someone else or if it was just a spur of the moment thing.

"No more weird than everybody pretending to know our business ever since I adopted Louise." He put the sneakers into his locker and got out another pair of sneakers.

"Ouch, yeah I guess people were kinda busy with you guys." Archie was emptying out his bag for candy.

"You know you should eat less sugar… oh I can't believe I just said that, sorry Archie. This is what living with a health freak does to you." He grinned widely and put on the new pair of sneakers.

"No problem. Hey I just wanted to know if you need a babysitter for Louise?"

"We do and we've been interviewing God knows how many." He sighed deeply.

"I've got this aunt who just got laid off from her night job, so she knows the hours. She's never babysat before but raised 4 children." Archie was not comfortable with what he was saying and he could easily understand it.

"If she comes recommended from you it might work." He sighed deeply again.

Shift dragged its way towards sunlight and he was fed up with dusting for fingerprints in public places. All night Archie's offer and Nick's reluctance had been nagging him like an unreachable itch.

"Greg?" Catherine had the mother voice on and he didn't need that, all he needed was for Nick to get his act together and approve of a babysitter.

"Yeah." He stretched from his squatting position and turned to face her.

"You've been very quiet tonight." She was all you-can-tell-me-anything.

"Just thinking." His brain far too preoccupied with Nick to make smart remarks.

"Anything particular?"

"Nick has disapproved of every single potential babysitter for Louise." He thought he heard a sharp intake of breath from her, but he wasn't sure and didn't pursue it.

"Don't worry, you'll find one." She patted him on the shoulder and indicated for him to pack up.

Archie had given him the details of his aunt and as he headed home it sounded like the best solution ever, if only Nick would give the go ahead for it. "Shh." Nick hushed him the second he opened the door. He obeyed and greeted Nick with a long deep passionate kiss.

"I just got her to sleep… she's been crying half the night. I think there's another tooth coming." Nick panted when they broke apart.

"Great… she's really gotten the graveyard idea huh?" He whispered and gently guided Nick into the kitchen.

"Mmh…have you seen my glasses G?" For some reason still unknown to him; Nick was convinced that somehow he always knew where those damn glasses were.

"I've been home less than five minutes… on the counter behind you." He had however developed an ability to spot them with just one sweep over the room.

"Thanks man. Now let's some breakfast going." Nick donned his glasses and they worked in companionable silence, his need for food outweighed his need for bringing up the babysitter issue.

"So how was work?" Nick asked as he had done so many previous mornings.

"Boring, dusting for prints in public places. But Archie gave me a number for his aunt." He received a questioning look from Nick and took a gulp of coffee before heading into the deep waters.

"She's been working nights for years in a factory, but she was made redundant recently when they automated one of the processes. Anyway Archie suggested her as a babysitter. She's used to the hours and has raised 4 children." The words came stumbling out, because he was afraid that he would run out of courage before he had them said. "You didn't promise anything did you?" There were beads of sweat forming on Nick's forehead and the accent had thickened, he saw all the signs of panic attack in the making.

"No. I said we still have some left to interview are you alright?" He was getting really worried and Nick had begun to tremble. It took him only an instant to make it to Nick's side, but the Texan toppled over before that. The thud of Nick's head connecting with the floor was sickening.

"Nick?!" Fear enveloped him, when there was no answer to be heard.

Nick was on the floor with eyes wide open and gasping for air.

"Nick?!" He shook the shaking man to no avail; he simply couldn't get through the panic attack this time. A million thoughts flew through his brain presenting all kind of scenarios that could have induced the attack.

"Nick?!" Nick was barely breathing and he was desperately trying to do something.

He frantically scanned the kitchen with his eyes looking for something useful, as he dropped his eyes to Nick again the bottom drawer caught his attention. There was nothing different about it on the outside and then his brain kicked the rest of him in gear. Nick was hyperventilating and a bag could help him calm down. He immediately acted upon his thought and after too many shallow breaths for his liking; Nick's breathing became less frantic.

Coherency slowly came back to the love of his life, but he was still worried sick.

"Sorry." The whisper was hoarse and barely audible.

"It's alright kjære, it's alright kjære." He caressed Nick's forehead and hoped that he hadn't hurt his head too bad in the fall. Nick squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists.

"No it's not." The words were pressed out between tightly clenched teeth.

"How's the head? You made quite a thud when you hit the floor." He ran his fingers towards the back of Nick's head.

"Don't know." Nick flinched when he felt over a hump. He removed his fingers to check for blood, but was only slightly relieved to find none.

"I'll get an icepack for you kjære." He cooed and silently wondered how Louise could sleep through all the commotion.

Nick sat up against one of the cupboards and adjusted his glasses before taking the icepack from him.

"Nick… every time we talk babysitter you react pretty strongly… I think it's time you tell me what's wrong." Nick crept away at his words and pulled his knees to his chin huddling in on himself.

"I didn't want to play." He was unable to recognize Nick's voice, it almost sounded like a child talking. His brain began connecting the dots and if any of his training had been right; he was talking to an abused child right now. He had never received thorough training on how to do that only read about it and seen others do it. Desperately he tried to remember the few interviews that he had seen and what he was supposed to say and do.

"I know." He didn't touch Nick and moved out of his personal space to be as non-threatening as possible.

"I didn't like her game." Nick spoke like one of his cousins children and they were 6 and 8 years old. Fear had gained company of terror and he was fighting hard with himself to stay calm. "I know." The struggle to keep his voice neutral yet soothing was costing more than any physical exercise ever had.

"She said it was our secret game and I couldn't tell nobody." Nick sniffled and whatever was left of his heart shattered.

"You can tell me, there are no secret games." He prayed that it was the right thing to say.

"I didn't like it." It was like looking at an iceberg about to roll.

"I know and she should have played it with someone who liked it." He wanted to go closer but stayed put unable to determine the consequences of going closer.

"She said I would like it." The memory of the iceberg he had seen roll as a young boy became so lucid that he could feel the cold against his skin and smell the ice in the air.

"Tell me about the game." Bile was rising in his throat as he spoke.

"She touched me… down there." Nick was staring blankly at nothing.

"Did she ask you to do something?"

Nick nodded slowly.

"She made me touch hers." The iceberg rolled.

"I… didn't… want… to." Nick sobbed and suddenly he focused.

"You hate me now don't you!" Nick cried and crawled backwards slamming his head against the cupboard. The pain made Nick's eyes loose focus again and he slumped to his side and vomited.

"I don't hate you." He fought hard to speak clearly.

"I love you. Jeg elsker deg." He moved over to Nick and gently took him in his arms.

Nick cried his eyes out and words tumbled out telling their own incoherent tale of being molested at the age of 9. A lot of the pieces in his Nick puzzle fell into place and left him in even more awe of his lover. So many bad things had happened to Nick over the years, but none worse than that. Grownup Nick was one the toughest guys he had ever met and suddenly he thought he understood why.

How he managed to scrape Nick off the floor and get them both showered and to bed he wasn't sure, but he knew that he had not slept enough when Louise started crying. Like a zombie he staggered to her room and lifted her up. After a swift diaper change and a glass of water he returned with her still in his arms to the bedroom. Nick was awake and sniffling into his pillow when he entered.

"I thought you'd left me." Nick sobbed quietly.

"I won't leave you, never ever. In fact I love you more than anyone else." He laid Louise down next to Nick and the memory of handing Louise to Nick at the hospital for the first time came to him.

"Really?"

"Really. I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through but it doesn't make me love you any less." He planted a wet sloppy kiss on Nick's lips.

"Sorry." Nick sounded so fragile and he slipped under the comforter behind him and wrapped his lover up as much as he could.

Louise allowed them a few more hours of sleep before the tooth had her screaming again. Nick was exhausted but they managed to talk over the whole babysitter issue and agreed to call Archie's aunt. He was as exhausted as Nick and for a while he seriously thought about calling in sick, but Nick stressed that he would alright alone with Louise.

He worked a case with Warrick and if his life depended on remembering anything about it, he would end up dead.

Catherine caught him by the elbow when he was entering the layout room.

"Should you be here tonight?" He just nodded somehow words failed him.

"We worked a case a couple of years ago with a molested child… and Nick…"

"He told me." He forced himself to look into her overly sympathetic eyes. She chewed her lower lip and sighed deeply. "Cath? Nobody needs to know. I mean he reacted badly." He swallowed hard. Catherine nodded and released his arm.

He came home to a subdued Nick and they ended up cuddling on the couch instead of going to bed. They both got some sleep but Louise was still dealing with the tooth and when Archie's aunt finally arrived for her interview they were both exhausted. After half an hour Nick agreed to her babysitting Louise effective immediately since it was that evening he was due back at work.

They drove in together and in the car he laid down a few ground rules. He wasn't sure other people would appreciate them kissing and touching all the time and Nick agreed to keep a low profile. Grissom held Nick in the lab all night running fiber analysis and helping out in the garage. As usual it was Sara who was taking a car apart; she had an uncanny way of getting those cases that would leave her sweaty and covered in oil. Warrick brought him up to speed on the case they had worked the night before and they spent a few hours out of the lab investigating a house belonging to their victim.

Nick showed his worth at work and made it back to the field without too much trouble. Or so it seemed for those not living with him. He was woken by all the nightmares and he listened for hours on end to how useless Nick felt. The entries in his journal varied with Nick's moods and sometimes when he leafed through the pages he thought that a lunatic had scribbled some of the entries. There were days so filled with angst; that a shrink would have locked the writer up for good and then there were days where nothing really happened. But as the weeks passed the days became brighter and lighter and the word happy could be used to describe them.

Warrick married Tina and that was quite a shock for everybody, but trained CSI's can take a lot with the mask falling. Mette looked wonderful as the pregnancy progressed and he couldn't wait for the baby to be born. They kept a fairly low profile at work and that made it only more intense at home. Life was good.

Brass came marching down the hall with a more annoyed footfall than normal. He wondered who had been given Brass' case.

"Is Nick with you?" He didn't know Brass as well as the others did, but the pain in the man's eyes was evident.

"Nope, he and Sara were the lucky winners of a sleazy bar complete with two DB's"

"Louise's mother has been attacked." Brass stated and his world shattered like the lab had in the explosion.

"How…how is she?" He stuttered and gripped the older detective.

"Badly beaten, they're taken her to Desert Palms." Brass caught him as he knees gave in.

"She called in the attack herself, her ex did it." His head or the hallway was spinning madly.

"Fuck!" He whispered in horror.

"I'll take you there now Greg." Brass led him out to the waiting police car and raced to Desert Palms with the siren howling and the lights flashing.

"Nick it's Brass, Louise's mother has been attacked by her ex. I'm taking Greg to Desert now." Brass had called Nick to give him the bad news.

"Okay I'll make sure they let you in." Brass' voice was drifting away as Vegas passed in blue flashes.

"I don't fucking care! Find the bastard!" Brass barked into the radio pulling him back to the present moment. He tried to say something, but only a few incoherent words came out. He gripped the dashboard hard when Brass yanked the vehicle across two lanes.

"Every cop from here to Houston is looking for him." Brass said in what he took to be a worried sympathetic voice.

Brass barked at the receptionist and any other staff within earshot until they were allowed into the room where Mette was. There were 5 people in various kinds of gowns milling around the prone form on the gurney. His mind tried to take in the scene before him, tried to hear the stats reported from the nurse to his left, tried to hear what the doctor in the safety goggles was saying, tried to hear what the woman with the stethoscope said and tried to see how severe her injuries were.

Somebody dressed him in a gown and put on gloves. "Mr. Sanders?" The female voice was strong and clear, much like his grandmothers.

"Ye-yes what… how bad is it?" His voice was low and quivering.

"She has sustained several blows to her head and stomach." His eyes locked on the round belly on the gurney. "… to her, but she has gone into labor." He shook his head in disbelief.

"It's 8 weeks early, 8…" The doctor wearing the safety goggles shouted a string of orders and a few words seeped into his brain: Collapsed lung, CT and NICU.

"Mr. Sanders maybe you should step outside." The strong female voice suggested but he was frozen in place.

"No, I have to be here. Have to be here for the baby." He fought to get the words out.

"It'll get bloody." The strong female voice said.

The statement reached deep inside him and he turned to face her.

"I'm a CSI! Blood is part of the job description." He spat the words out in disgust. The doctor with the safety goggles barked another series of orders and the woman dragged him to one side of the room. His mind listed all the possible side effects of being born 8 weeks premature that he had ever read about. It was not a pretty list and for each word out of the doctor's mouth, his heart broke more than he ever had imagined possible.

Suddenly the strong female voice held up a small slimy fetus, he smiled to fight the gag reflex.

"It's a small boy." She handed the baby to a new person in the room. "1850 grams and 42 centimeters…"

Whatever else was said drowned on the way to his mind. He was simply to busy remembering survival and disability stats for prematurely born children with that weight. If he recalled correctly the baby had a good chance of normal life, provided intensive medical care was given right away.

"…name. Do you have a name for him Mr. Sanders?" The strong female voice obtained his attention and his disoriented brain grasped randomly for a name.

"William Nicholas Stokes Sanders." He stammered. There was two people working with the fetus and despite everything happening in the room, the only thing he heard was that there was no crying. There was nothing to indicate that the baby was alive.

More orders and stats were shouted by the various people in the room. He knew what they meant, but his brain utterly refused to put them together, just like it ignored the blood on the floor and the doctor who had both his hands inside Mette.

"Follow Nurse Walters up to the NICU." The strong female voice grabbed him by the elbow and sent him after the nurse leaving with the incubator holding his little boy.

He sensed nothing but the baby as he rushed after the nurse. Doctors and nurses told him a million things while they worked on the baby and he tried to remember it all. It would be important to remember it all. The baby's life would depend on him remembering it all so he could provide the care needed for the baby. He listened and listened and eventually the baby was placed in a room with 3 other babies.

There was a chair next to the incubator and someone pushed him down into it. From there he could see the monitor that the baby had been hooked up to. There were several graphs and numbers on the monitor. He knew what each of them measured and he knew how much or how little fluctuation was acceptable for each value. How he had come to know it, was not something he could remember however.

Nick placed a strong arm across his shoulders, but he couldn't make himself turn away from the monitor and the tiny baby.

"Sorry I couldn't make it sooner baby." Nick's soft words drifted into his mind. "It's okay." He whispered back not moving, since he was afraid to disturb the baby.

"William Nicholas Stokes Sanders." Nick read the name loud from the nametag on his wrist.

"They demanded a name." The heart rate increased by 5 and he held his breath until it slowed to its previous level. "…it." Nick's words didn't make it through to him.

"Keep your voice down, he reacts strongly to sounds." He whispered the warning to Nick. The heart rate increased again, but only by 2.

"I said I don't think we should call him that." Nick whispered into his ear. He shrugged his shoulders and waited for the heart rate to return to normal. "Morten William Sanders." Nick held him tight and he shrugged his shoulders again.

"Mette was still in surgery when I arrived and if Brass hadn't been here I wouldn't have been let in to see our baby." Nick planted a kiss to his cheek. All the numbers on the screen fluctuated when the baby moved his tiny arm.

"He's so small." He could hear that Nick was on the brink of crying. He gently placed his hand on the one resting on his shoulder.

"It would have been better if he had weighed just 200 grams more, less than half a pound." His voice was calm quiet and detached.

"Have you called your parents?" He had no idea what to answer Nick, because he could only remember having thought about.

"Are you okay with the name?" He just nodded, not really caring about anything except the stats on the monitor.

"I'm just gonna go make some calls." Nick pressed a kiss to his lips and only habit made him return the kiss. His eyes returned to the monitor as soon as Nick left. Suddenly an alarm went off and a myriad of people came into the room. It took him forever to realize that it was one of the other babies and then let out the breath that had been caught in his throat.

"Momma said…." The heart rate was increasing steadily and it was probably all the fuzz created by the alarm that caused it.

"…in tomorrow." He blinked and looked at Nick for a brief moment before turning his eyes back to the monitor. "… biggest manhunt in…" Words from Nick drifted in between the fluctuating heart rate.

"Papa Olaf …" All the people that had rushed in before left in small groups and the heart rate slowed to a more acceptable level.

A glass of juice was pressed into his hand and he drank it without paying any attention to the taste of it. Nick had left again and a tiny blond nurse had gone over the procedure for him to touch the baby. He had scrubbed his hands red and then disinfected them before gently cupping the baby's head with his left hand since the right one had taken up shaking again. The small warm head sent shockwaves through his body, he felt with an unwanted clarity how soft and unfinished the scull still was.

The tiny blond nurse allowed him to help feed the baby via the tube down his throat; he was still too weak to suckle. After the baby had been fed the stats behaved out of sync and he pressed the alarm button. The tiny blond nurse came back with a doctor who had really bad acne on his face. The doctor explained in great detail how the baby would react to being fed and changed and touched and how the blanket should be tucked around him. Had his heart not already been shattered in infinitely many pieces, the doctor's words would certainly have done it.

"Pappa." Louise reached up for him to lift her up and he wondered just how she came to be there. He picked her up making a mental note to scrub his hands before touching the baby again. A warm strong hand landed on his neck and he looked up at Nick, who radiated concern and worry.

"They'll change the name on his papers real soon." He vaguely recalled Nick talking about the name previously, but it didn't matter.

"You have to disinfect your hands if you want to touch him and you can only hold your hand to his head. Being touched is very stressful for him." They spoke in hushed voices like the other people in the room.

He had lost all notion of time, the only thing he knew was the stats on the monitor and the baby. For some weird reason he also knew that Mette was out of surgery and in the ICU and that the injuries to her body had been repaired, but the swelling in her brain was still something that the doctors worried about. He had no idea who had told him or when. Nick had disappeared with Louise and when he looked at his watch there was only an hour to shift began.

"Greg what are you doing here?" Grissom stared at him in disbelief when he met his boss halfway to the locker room.

"I work here." There were times where he seriously thought that his boss had some mental disorder and a question like that could only cooperate to that.

"But aren't you supposed to go on leave?" Grissom had his blue eyes wide apart in shock.

"Not until I can take him home. Unless they're critical you can't stay at the ward at nights, so I might as well work." He felt strange having to explain something so simple to his boss.

He worked hard and focused all night and it was such a relief not to be in that way too warm hospital ward, where the only thing to break the silence were the breast pumps and alarms. For eight hours he didn't have to worry about stats on a screen and tiny jerky moves in a incubator.

At one point during shift Nick dragged him off to the men's room.

"You never told me if you like the name?" Nick held him by the shoulders and just looked into his eyes.

"The name?" He knew it should mean something, but he just couldn't remember.

"Yeah… Morten William Sanders. I thought the other was a bit too much and this also carries his mother's name." He blinked and something in his brain nodded in recognition.

"Oh yeah that's right, they asked me in the ER and I just said what came to mind first." He could barely remember what name he had said. Nick took his wrist with the nametag and held it for him to read. William Nicholas Stokes Sanders.

"I love you Greg." Nick lowered his voice and finished off with a kiss.

"I love you too." He leaned into the kiss and Nick's strong body.

"I don't blame you for being so out of it today doll." Nick cooed.

"He's so small. It'll be months before he can fit any of the baby things that I've bought." He melted into the hug and allowed a few tears to trickle down his cheeks.

"You know you really don't have to work." Nick spoke ever so softly. "But I'd still have to leave at night, he's not critical and nothing's wrong with me."

"Just let me know if you need a break, yeah?"

"I'll be fine Nick. You take care of Louise and I'll be there for him. I think I'm better with hospitals these days anyways." He hated hospitals but Nick's trauma still sat too deep for the Texan to spend all day there.

"If that's what you want baby." Nick kissed him and for a few deep passionate kisses everything was fine.

After shift they went home and he took a quick shower before leaving for the hospital again. The baby was sleeping when he arrived and all the stats were fine. He disinfected his hands and held his hand against the tiny head. It was still soft and warm and his touch provoked an increase in the heart rate. Nick came by with Louise and stayed for some hours he guessed. Jillian and his parents also came, as did Catherine and Sara. They all had presents for the baby, mostly outfits that were way too big for the baby.

He went back to work that night and once again it was good to not think about the numbers on the monitor. More people came to see Morten the next day and he just tried to keep them quiet so the stats didn't fluctuate too wildly. It was a daunting task changing the diaper on a child so small and it exhausted the baby completely. He focused on all the practical things that had to be done and let Nick entertain the visitors. He just couldn't bring himself to look away from the monitor long enough to talk to anyone but the medical staff.

Nick dragged him home around 9 pm in order for him to change, shave and shower before work. His parents were there as was Jillian and his mother had a meal ready for them all when they came home. Louise attached herself to Nick the moment they came home and was very reluctant to let go when they sat down to eat. After dinner Nick took him to the bathroom and once there started to undress him.

"Did you get any sleep today G?" Nick asked as he pulled his pants down.

"Mmh, a few hours this morning." He mumbled and stepped into the shower.

"You know I thought he looked much more like a baby today." Nick stepped in after him, he hadn't even noticed Nick undressing.

"Dunno…" Nick kissed him and he accepted the tongue parting his lips. Kissing was easier than talking for him at the moment anyway.

Nick kissed and groped and he just allowed it to happen, but couldn't find the energy to do more than just rest his hands on Nick's hips. The water and Nick was all over him he knew that, but all he could really think about was Morten, his tiny little boy in the hospital, in the special ICU for prematurly born children. He felt strange being out of the warm ward and away from the almost fully developed fetus, somehow he couldn't yet really relate to him as a baby.

"Greg?" Nick's tentative question made him look up.

"You okay baby?" Nick could sound so worried that it was nauseating.

"Fine, just shaken a bit." He didn't want to worry Nick anymore than necessary; mostly because Nick had had a major panic attack no more than 5 days ago. The whole situation was likely more than Nick's still fragile state could handle and he would do all he could to protect Nick.

"You still wanna come to work?" He nodded and let Nick wash his hair.

The case he worked caused overtime and he headed straight for the hospital when he finally was allowed to leave the lab. Nick had gone home on time to take over from the babysitter and he wondered if maybe he should leave Nick and let him have Louise. Nick had been the center of so much trouble lately and he knew that Morten's premature birth only added to the list. He decided to call the lawyers to find out if it would be possible for Nick to adopt Louise.

Because he was late he couldn't find a parking space anywhere near the entrance and he ended up parking about a 10 minutes walk from the entrance. He dialed the lawyers on his cell and was on hold when somebody called after him. "Mr. Sanders!" To his surprise it was the guard dog nurse and he searched his brain for her name.

"Hey." He ended the phone call.

"What are you doing back here again so soon?" She didn't give him the ‘oh it's so sad' look that everybody else had been using for past few days.

"Louise's little brother came 8 weeks early." He could see how she searched her memory for the possible consequences.

"Well unless some trauma arose during birth, it shouldn't be a problem." She smiled reassuringly and he could feel a smile ghost across his own lips.

"Have you gotten to hold him yet?" He shook his head a few times and she sighed.

"They're so damn careful in NICU. It's important that he bonds with you."

"But just changing the diaper stresses him." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Hmm you should just sit quietly with him and have him flush against your chest." He remembered having seen some of the women on the ward sitting with their somewhat bigger and older babies like that.

"How's her mother?" The guard dog nurse had gotten the full story back when Nick was the one in the hospital.

"Bad, her ex caught up with her and beat her and that's…." The words came stumbling out and the guard dog nurse just nodded.

"What a bastard." She sighed and that ended their conversation. They walked in silence to the entrance and went each their way.

A plump woman was checking the baby's vitals when he entered the room.

"Greg Sanders?" The voice was deep and carried a heavy accent of German.

"Yes." She scared him and his answer was low and tentative.

"I'm Doctor Tanja Händler." She held out her hand to greet him, he took the offered hand with a shiver. He knew it was a perfectly normal name and that it was probably spelled in the German way, but it was just too close to home. The doctor started talking and he was unable to listen to her words, all he heard was her deep voice and the name Händler.

When Nick arrived with Louise he was half sitting half laying in a comfortable chair with Morten on his stomach. Nick disinfected his and Louise's hands and for the first time Louise was allowed to touch the baby, although carefully guided by Nick.

"Hey doll." Nick whispered and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Hey kjære." He whispered back extremely careful not to move a muscle.

His parents arrived and so did Grissom, shortly after Morten had been put back in the crib. Louise and Nick had fallen asleep in the visitor's lounge, so he tried to meet the expected amount of small talk needed. It obviously didn't work because Grissom and his father hauled him out of the hospital to some green area. He protested heavily, but his mother shooed him out of the room and Nick was nowhere to be found.

He walked between the two and each of them had a firm grip on his upper arms; so all he could do was walk there between the two older men. For some reason they stopped and Grissom stepped in front of him, his boss used his free hand to lift his chin to make him meet the blue eyes.

"What's going on Greg?" Grissom sported his fairly neutral look.

"Ain't it obvious?" He wondered exactly what kind of mental disorder it was that made Grissom ask him questions like that.

"Not really!" The neutral look began to fade.

"What is it you don't get? That Mette got beaten and gave birth 8 weeks early?" He retorted. His father just stood beside and sighed in that annoying way, that told him that his father knew he was lying.

"I get that! But I don't get you!" Grissom was speaking louder and a reddish tint had come over his face.

"Why not? I'll need my leave for when I take him home." He raised his own voice in defense. In one swift motion Grissom had him by his lapels and lifted him off the ground.

"That's not what I'm talking ABOUT!" Grissom shouted the last part and shook him hard. It scared the living daylights out of him, Grissom just never lost his temper.

"I'm talking about Nick and you!" His boss was still shaking him, but had put him down on the ground again.

"Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of the baby by myself and let him adopt Louise. He doesn't need this." He was desperately trying to get out of Grissom's grip and silently wondered why his father was so damn passive.

"WHAT?!" Both men screamed in unison.

"He can't handle stuff like this yet, so it'll be better if I leave Louise with him." He was tired of people being so thickheaded and he just wanted to get back to the ward and see how the baby was doing.

"No he won't." His father said quietly next to him. Grissom tightened his hold and shook him with an extreme force.

"It's not a one-way street." Grissom hissed out through clenched teeth.

"Gregory. It doesn't work like that. Nick loves you and wants to be there for you. Just like he had you after… his burial." His father really meant business when he said his name like that.

"It's too much for him!" He whined and wished that they would understand.

"No! Nicky would walk to hell and back for you! Don't you get that?!" Grissom was angrier than he had ever seen before. The blatant show of emotion from his boss was tearing into the shards left of his heart.

"I don't want him to. He's suffered enough as it is." His voice was beginning to fail him.

"Your mother thought the same when you were born." His father stepped in front of him and demanded his attention.

"You had colic and had been crying for three days straight, so she wanted to spare me the pain and left." His father paused and allowed for the words to sink in.

"I panicked when I got home and couldn't find her. Mormor called and told me that she had sought refuge there." He stared in disbelief at his father.

"Papa Olaf took you for a 10 hour walk when I got there. I don't remember what Mormor did, but your mother and I talked, cried and eventually slept."

His head was spinning and he couldn't believe that his mother had done just that.

"Nicky loves you above anything." Grissom's voice had a rare soothing quality in it.

The realization of what had happened in the last couple of days finally hit home and if Grissom hadn't been holding him, he would have fallen. Once again he walked between the two older men and leaned heavily on them for support. He knew he was babbling all the way back to the ward, but he had no idea what left his mouth in the steady stream.

Nick met them in the hallway when they came back to the ward.

"Nick. We need to talk." Was the first coherent sentence he managed and Nick took him to the empty visitor's lounge.

"So talk." Nick said after closing the door.

"I'm sorry." His voice quivered and he swallowed hard.

"About what? Please let me in Greg." Nick pleaded and he fought hard to find the words and the courage to let Nick know his troubles.

"When I came in this morning I intended to call the lawyers and let you adopt Louise, so you wouldn't have to worry about me and Morten." Nick slapped him so hard that he staggered for balance.

"You were gonna leave me, just like that?" Nick shrieked and stepped back. He had expected Nick to punch him, so the slap took him by surprise.

"I… it was… it seemed logical." The stinging pain in his cheek released tears he had not cried since Brass had taken him to the hospital.

"Logical?!" Nick uttered in pure disbelief and caught his wracking body in a bear hug.

"Greg I love you. No matter what. My pain has been yours for so long, it's time I take some of yours." Nick surrendered to the tears as well and for a while they just stood there holding on to each other for dear life.

"I know he's gonna be fine, but I… it was just too much to… handle." He sniffled and made an attempt at wiping tears from both their faces.

"You were so strong when I was in here and to see you… shut down… broke my heart." Nick spoke more calm and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

Together they walked back to Morten's room, side by side and with their fingers entwined. He felt somewhat guilty about laying his heartache on Nick, but somewhere deep down he knew that if he couldn't do that, they had no future together.

"They've caught him." Brass stood just inside the room when they entered.

"Phew." Nick articulated their mutual relief.

"But eh… let's just say he resisted arrest." They both knew that meant that Mette's ex had taken severe punishment from their colleagues and neither felt any guilt.

2 weeks later the swelling in Mette's brain had more or less dissolved and she regained consciousness. They took Morten to see her, but she showed no particular interest in him. Morten stayed 4 weeks at the hospital before he was strong enough to go home. He spent the days at the hospital, the evenings at home and the nights at work. When they finally got to take Morten home he was more than thrilled and exhausted beyond belief.

"Cath's gonna come over tomorrow and baby sit. So we can get some couple time as she put it." Nick said when he came home from work. He was about to decline, but some very rational voice in his brain reminded him that they had not gone beyond kissing since Morten's birth and that perhaps it was time to cover some basic needs.

"Okay." He said peevishly. Nick threw him one of those smiles that could light up a small village at night.

Nick took him to one of the nice hotels, where neither had worked a case recently. The room was high end and the bed bigger than most he had ever spent time in. There was also a spa with plenty of room for them both. Their sex life could only have been described as plain vanilla up until then, because they had never done it outside their bedroom and Nick's old worn out bed.

Their mouths fused immediately upon entry to the hotel room and it didn't take them long to get naked and in the spa. He straddled Nick and felt hard Texan hotness against his hardening cock. Nick rocked their hips together and the dark eyes glinted with lust.

"Take me." He moaned suddenly longing to feel Nick inside him. One thing he had learned living with Nick, was that when Nick planned something he made sure to have every detail in check, so it didn't surprise him that Nick had a bottle of lube in his hand as soon as he had made his plea.

The warm water had already relaxed his body and Nick made easy work of preparing him. The gentle fingers brushing over his prostate left him gasping for air and yearning for the real deal. Nick soon gave in to his begging and positioned his cock and he eased down onto Nick. The last month hadn't yielded many happy moments so now where he had one it was overwhelming beyond words. He moved up and down on Nick's cock in the slowest pace he could muster, just to enjoy it for as long as possible.

He soon lost himself to the kinkiness of not being in a bed and started to move faster. Nick began stroking his cock and despite his decision to draw it out he came spilling into Nick's hand and the water. Panting and gasping Nick followed him into the blessed land of orgasms only moments later. It took them a while to gather their wits and leave the spa for a quick shower. Naked and damp they threw themselves on the bed only to start over again.

After 10 days of leave he was going stir crazy and Archie's aunt had already dropped by 4 times to check on Louise. He did his best to enjoy the extra time with the children like everybody advised him to. The people he debated it with on the Internet wasn't as understanding as he had hoped. Nobody could relate to his need to go back to work, it seemed that only Nick understood. But they had already gone through that, legally it couldn't be done.

The floors were so clean you could eat of them and all the laundry had been done, the kitchen was disinfected enough for an operation and still the clock hadn't moved past 3 am. Louise was taking a nap and Morten was in his lap halfway to dreamland. So he decided to go online and give it another go to find someone understanding. He browsed several forums and eventually happened on a thread that held some promise. After registering and logging in he entered a post.

LabRat: Hi I'm a 30 year old guy with a newborn and on paternity leave. However I don't really feel like playing house with two kids and I do have a babysitter available and the baby is being bottle fed. Would it be lousy of me to go back to work?

He hit enter and couldn't help but smile at his old nick, he had used it since high school when everybody just had to get a gaming name. It wasn't inspired like so many of those that he had played against, but he felt good about it and whenever he had thought about changing it, he had decided against it. Nick was as uninventive as usual and just used cowboy for gaming. He browsed a few other baby sites and found some links interesting enough to add them to his favorites.

Alphawoman: Oh hey, you are not alone, but trust me flames will come your way for a post like that. Are you alone with the kids?

He stared at the reply before grasping the meaning and he gave her his MSN details for a more private conversation. It turned out that she was a career woman with a hard working husband and she had gone back on the job only 3 weeks after giving birth. They chatted until Louise woke up and he felt relieved to have found a friend who understood.

"Hey doll." Nick kissed him and then picked up Louise who came and claimed her daddy as fast as her legs could carry her to the door.

"Hey kjære." He returned the kiss, before heading back to the kitchen; to finish setting the table. The sweet laughter of Louise being tickled made him smile while he checked up on Morten. The baby was sleeping and he braced himself for the conversation he wanted to have with Nick.

"Okay G. what's up?" Nick had tried to tell him a million times that he could talk about anything, that there was no need to worry or hold back. But he still worried and held back.

"I'm going mad. I can't just stay home and do nothing else." The words stumbled out fast as always when he felt uneasy about them.

"Yeah I kinda figured that." There was no blame or any anger in Nick's words and once again he cursed himself for being so unable to let Nick in.

"So can I go back, just part time and Archie's aunt needs the money and it's not like we can't afford it and then my leave will last til after Christmas and…" Nick stopped him with kiss, but already out of breath from his speech he had to break away for air.

"I did it again…. Sorry."

"Yeah you did. What'll it take for you to trust me?" Nick soothed holding him close.

"Me too." Louise pleaded from her high chair, so Nick let go of him and went over to hug her, before sitting down to eat.

"How about we go shopping for a new bed today?" Nick was on a cheering up mission not that he minded and they so needed a new bed.

"Grissom's already offered to take her for the rest of the morning." Nick hover-crafted a forkful of food into Louise, who broke into a huge smile when he said Grissom's name.

Two hours later he threw himself on a bed that was much too soft for his liking; it felt as if the sides came together over him. He got up and moved to the next bed in the row and it had about as much comfort as a rock. Nick was busy checking out baby linen pushing the pram with Morten and it had become his job to find a few suitable candidates. The next 4 beds were either too soft, too springy or smelling too weird for his liking. Agitation was creeping in on him as he went to the next bed and dropped down on to a piece of heaven compared to the others.

"Have you found anything of interest sir?" A clerk had walked up while he was busy squirming around on the bed to test it.

"Maybe." For some reason he blushed, not anything like Nick could produce, but he felt the treacherous heat spread across his face.

"It's okay, many customers just lay down all stiff and have no idea what the bed is like when they buy it." The clerk threw him a killer smile that begged to be flirted with.

"Well if I'm supposed to spend a third of my time in it, I wanna know for sure that it's good for all activities." He was flirting and he just couldn't help it.

"Found something good?" Nick asked from behind the clerk and he just patted the bed.

"Sure have, wanna give it a go?" The smile on the clerks face withered and she stepped away from the bed.

"Poor girl all wrapped up in your smile and then I come and break the moment." Nick parked the pram next to the bed and eased down on it with that huge grin wrinkling his face. He smiled his ‘I'm so sorry' smile as his father had named it long ago.

"It's the best in the whole row, not too soft, not too hard and it smells okay."

"Did you see the price?" Nick and his sensibility brought him down to earth as usual.

"Nope, it's a bed how bad can it be?"

"Just shy of a trip for four to Norway." Nick was still smiling and he just uttered various sounds in an attempt to say something intelligent. He had finally found a bed and of course it had to cost a fortune and maybe he should just go back to the DNA lab so he could make some more money.

"Hey babe, don't worry. My momma will be more than happy to get it for us."

"That's a lot of money Nick." He sighed and looked up into the ceiling and shortly wondered why shops never did anything out of decorating their ceilings.

"Yeah, but they've already offered to buy us a bigger house. I just…"

"They've what?" His parents in law were quite something else and that was just the icing on the cake.

"Yeah, when they found out I'd asked you and that it wasn't just Louise. But I wasn't really able to deal with it back then and I like my… our house."

"They're nuts. There's plenty of room for the four of us." The initial shock was subsiding and he was finally able to think again.

"Yeah I know, but they just want the best for their kids, ya know?" Morten who had been sleeping in the pram woke up crying. He got up only knowing to well that in 10 seconds it would be a hysterical sobbing if he wasn't picked up and fed. His little boy didn't have a shred of patience in his body.

"Go feed him and I'll get the bed."

Nick too had recognized the hungry cry and he left the shop with the crying baby and found a bench outside. Cooing in Norwegian he sat down and fished out the bottle they had prepared at home. Morten hadn't quite reached hysteria but it took some coaxing before he took the bottle. He was so focused on the baby that it took his phone quite a few rings to get his attention.

"Sanders."

"Well Jillian Stokes if we're all formality." The light joke in her voice carried just fine across two states.

"Oh hi, momma. Sorry but I'm feeding Morten so I didn't check caller ID." He said quietly so he wouldn't disrupt his baby.

"Alright, listen have you got Nicky there, because he just called me and I didn't get it in time and now all I get is his voicemail."

"Eh he's still inside the shop, we're out shopping for a new bed."

"About time, he's had the other for ages. Do you know what he wanted?"

"Probably ask for a loan to get it, it's kinda expensive." He felt peevish about asking for money from Nick's parents, but then again it wasn't any different than his grandmother paying for Louise's ticket to Norway.

"Oh, okay I'll try him again then, he's probably been trying Bill when I called then. Not that'll it do him any good, cause Bill's in court all day." She hung up and he refocused on Morten that had stopped suckling.

"Burp time." He draped a cloth diaper over his shoulder and burped the baby.

"Hey Doll." Nick landed a warm hand on his shoulder.

"Hey did your momma get hold of you?" He looked up into those beautiful brown eyes that he never could get enough of.

"Yeah, after I had spoken to everybody's voicemail including yours."

Nick chuckled and took Morten from him. "So?"

"It'll be delivered next week, they don't have any here."

"Gah another week in that dreadful old thing."

"Well you can always sleep on the couch then."

Choosing to ignore Nick's remark he got up.

"What's in the bag?" He hadn't noticed that Nick had placed an oversize shopping bag next to the bench until he started to get up.

"Just a few sheets." Nick was the worst liar and he didn't even have to look to know that the bag held far more than just a few sheets.

"Right. Let's go pick up Louise then."

He was allowed to come back to work part time and that meant working 2 or 3 nights per week. To begin there was quite a few snide remarks but he was happier and that made Nick happier and the kids as well. Both children grew like they could score a jackpot for fastest growth ever and it seemed to be a race to always have clothes for them that fitted. Fortunately Nick's many siblings had collected vast amounts of baby clothes over the years so one of Nick's sisters came by with nearly a truckload.

As always when life is good the days just flew and before he knew of it they were shopping for Christmas and making ready to fly to Norway. Nick was more excited than him since the Texan had never been to Europe before and everybody who cared to listen to Nick at work got a detailed description of their upcoming trip. Warrick asked them if they had swapped brains after he had been subjected to a two hour long drive with Nick.

There was no direct flight from Las Vegas to Oslo and there was family coming from many different parts of the States. So it had been arranged for them all to meet in Newark for the direct flight to Oslo. Two children and three suitcases plus two carry-on bags was a little too much to handle for them peacefully. He was on the edge because Morten had been having a slight fever for the last two days leaving precious little time for him to sleep. Nick was on the edge because of yet another child abuse case and Louise was throwing hysterics over not being able to go see her uncle Grissom.

The three of them were arguing as they were waiting for their suitcases in Newark. Nick thought it was ridiculous that they had decided not to let the luggage register directly to Oslo, but he had waited for his luggage enough times to know that it was the safest bet. Louise just threw in as many words as possible proud that she had learned them.

"Playing happy family are we?" His father called out.

"Trying to." He choose cockiness over embarrassed, Nick would handle that part just fine alone.

"I'll give you a hand, we've already got our luggage." His father took the suitcases that he had been battling with so he could concentrate on the children. Morten was hanging in front of him in the baby sling leaving him hot and the straps had begun to dig into his shoulders.

"Thanks, especially since they are both in need of clean diapers." He found the nearest bathroom with a changing table and got the job done enjoying the relief for his shoulders. It amazed him how such a light burden could become so heavy with time.

Five hours later they boarded the flight to Oslo and he happily let his mormor take Morten so he could get some much needed sleep. He slipped into the sacred land of surfboards and perfect waves. He slept for three quarters of the flight and when he finally woke Nick took him by surprise.

"I think your parents are members of the mile high club." The suggestive husky accent floated into his mind and then mental image was not one he cared for at all.

"Nick." Amazing how much blame one name could carry when said right.

"What? How do you think you came to exists?" Nick smirked and nudged him in the ribs.

"TMI, my friend, TMI." He darted his eyes towards his parents and the smile on his mother's lips was more evidence than he needed.

"You wanna join?" His very own Mr. Plain Vanilla had just suggested to do something kinky. He pinched himself just to verify that he really was awake and not caught in some surrealistic dream.

"What? Aren't I allowed some fun?"

Disbelieving he stared into those deep brown luring eyes.

"I guess, but…"

"Not buts G. I thought you wanted to try everything once?" Nick interrupted.

"Yeah well… lube?" He whispered and Nick just gave him that big smile that melted him every single time. Louise was sleeping in the arms of her grandfather and his mother was feeding Morten.

Nick urged him up and to the toilets. The couple sitting closest to the toilets grinned when they passed and he could feel the blush spreading to his ears. To his wonder Nick looked completely unfazed and he wondered for just how long his sweet innocent lover had planned this little kink. Toilets on airplanes are designed to not take up too many seats and technically it was only a fraction bigger than the box that Nick had been buried in. He looked Nick in the eyes and figured that this was probably Nick's ultimate test of himself.

The thought was like flicking the switch for full erection. He was all game and in the tightly cramped space he pressed hard against Nick, just to let him know that he was ready to join the club. Nick deftly removed their jeans and grabbed a travel size tube of lube from his pocket. Neither uttered a word and it only took Nick one blink, for him to know that there was a firm Texan ass waiting for him. The blood had left his brain so much that uncapping the lube turned out to be a problem.

Impatiently Nick took it from him and prepared in record time. He just gaped at the beautiful ass and the fingers working it open for him. It didn't take Nick long and he sheathed home so easy that it forced a yelp from him. The cramped space inhibited his moves but he did find the right angle for Nick's prostate and it was confirmed by the tiniest whimper he had ever heard from Nick. He managed to sneak his arm around Nick and get hold of his cock. There was nothing romantic about it, it was plain sex and they both came pretty fast. The only thing making it memorable was where it had taken place and not how it had been.

His mother served him the all knowing look when they returned and he just shrugged his shoulders. The rest of the flight was uneventful and he was glad when the plane finally touched down in Gardermoen. It wasn't home but it was the next best thing. There were a selected number of drivers picking them up at the airport, all family members taking them to whomever they would be staying with. He, Nick, his parents and grandparents would be staying at his mormor's sister.

"Hi Greg, you and Nick can take the Volvo, it's the only one with two children seats." His cousin, the one who was getting married, said and handed him the car keys. It took nearly an hour to distribute people, luggage and cars.

"Do you know where we're going?" Nick looked doubtful out into the cold dark December night.

"Yeah I was here three years ago, so unless they've changed the roads too much, it shouldn't be a problem."

"Where's the snow?" Oslo had done its usual trick and let all the snow melt in early December.

"It's the cake days." The disbelieving look on Nick's face was one that he loved dearly.

"I don't why it happens, but often there's snow early like October and then it melts come December and they say it's because of all the cookies being baked for Christmas." Nick just shook his head and finally got Louise in the backwards facing car seat.

They drove straight to the house, both far too tired to go sightseeing. Nick had put in an effort to learn Norwegian along with Louise and he hoped that his family would take well to him. His grandmother's sister owned a restaurant and had a huge house next to it, so as always everybody would meet in the restaurant later when all had had a change to shower and change. He had given Nick a brief introduction into what and how much he should eat of the goodies presented to him.

Five hours later he wished he had told Louise it as well, she had stuffed herself to the breaking point and he was changing her into her third set of clothes for the evening. It amazed him how unaffected she was by throwing up and it also worried him if she would continue that in the future. Nick was extremely well received and impressed everybody with his few Norwegian words. The side effect was however that everybody in turn wanted to teach him more words.

His mother spent most the night just sitting with Morten in her arms.

"So son, I guess he's a full member of the family now huh?" His father gave him a chat on the arm when he caught him gazing at Nick.

"Yeah, I didn't really worry about it. He's good with people." He leaned against his father and was rewarded by a sideways hug.

"Most importantly: He's good with you. I've never seen you so happy." His father could get seriously sappy at times and normally it bothered him, but he just felt genuinely happy.

(Mormor=maternal grandmother.)

He lowered his head onto Nick's chest, resting his ear just above where the strong heart pumped steadily away. Nick sighed contently and placed an arm around him.

"And I thought I'd a big family." Nick's voice was soft and floated like honey into his ear.

"You do, remember that this includes my grandparents siblings and offspring." His hand ghosted over Nick's stomach and up towards the oversensitive nipples. Nick caught it and laid it flat on his lower ribs.

"Yeah I guess you're right. Don't touch my belly! I think I ate too much after all."

"You and Louise both!" He sighed and planted a kiss on the skin beneath his lips.

"Yeah, is your mum gonna be okay listening after her and Morten?"

"Nick…She has managed before." He sighed and stretched nuzzling closer to the warm body next to him.

"I know, it's just… I like to have them close." It had taken him a while to learn when Nick wanted him to argue and when it was just said as an afterthought.

"Greg?"

"Hmm"

"Can you just run this whole wedding thing with me again?" Nick was obviously as unable as he was to fall asleep.

"Charlotte, my mother's cousin's daughter is the bride to be. She lived with us from she was 8 to 14. We're the same age and she came to live with us after her dad died." He paused and waited for Nick to catch up. They had gone over family albums and traditions in the last couple of weeks before leaving, but it was still a lot for his gorgeous Texan to take in.

"And you're giving her away." Nick continued for him.

"That's right, they started to plan the wedding almost 3 years ago and my dad was sick back then, so she didn't want to burden him. Besides this way my parents gets to sit together and her mother at the grooms side. I'll be sitting between Charlotte and her mother in law." He lifted his head and found Nick's lips with his own.

"Who again besides the kids was I gonna sit with?"

"My parents for sure and probably some of the others with babies." He kissed Nick again.

Nick deepened the kiss and he could never get enough of the sweetness in the gentle dance of tongues. Kissing with Nick had long since become his favorite pass-time, but usually the children would intervene at some point. So it was a rare opportunity for them to just be together alone enjoying each other to the fullest. He loved that Nick enjoyed making out as much as he did. Sex was indeed very satisfactory for him, but the affection and the intimacy gained from intense kissing could elevate his spirits far more.

Sated and satisfied Nick whispered sweet nothingness to him in his almost sleep. He cuddled closer and reveled in the warmth radiating of Nick. Sleep pulled him gently closer and the last thing he felt was a kiss to his neck.

A cry from Louise woke him and before any coherent thought had formed in his mind, Nick was out of the room headed for Louise. He heard some muffled voices and shortly after Nick returned blushing red.

"Just perfect!"

"What?" His mind was still clouded with sleep, but Nick's flustered state demanded him to fully wake up.

"I'd forgotten that your mum was listening after her. So there I was rushing down the hall in slippers and boxers when your mum came out of her room."

"Haha, payback."

"What?" Nick looked like one big question mark.

"The first night after you got discharged I had to face the full Jillian Stokes interrogation in jeans only. At least you don't have scars on your back to defend." He said it with half a laugh to let Nick know that he would never blame him for it.

"That's right. I'd forgotten. Anyways she just gave me a huge smile and said nice." Nick crawled under the eiderdown and leaned over to kiss him. The hammer dangled against his chin and he couldn't help but bite after it.

"You do look nice." He flashed Nick a huge smiled and slipped under the Texan's body.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Greg Sanders have I ever told you that I love you?" The dark brown eyes were the pure essence of love and his heart melted completely taking the rest of his body with.

"I seem to recall words of the like, yes." Even though he had melted he was still perfectly able to banter back. A light chuckle was Nick's only response before he launched a tickle attack.

Squirming under Nick he only managed a few halfhearted pleas for mercy. He knew that the attack sooner or later would change character until Nick would be deeply buried inside him. As foreseen they made love, slow and gentle love for as long as they could hold back their orgasms.

He woke to an empty bed and knowing Nick he padded down to Louise's room, where he to no surprise found them both playing with a wooden train set.

"Good morning kjære."

"Morning doll."

"We better get ready for breakfast. Louise do you want daddy to give you your bath?" Louise nodded eagerly and Nick picked her up and trotted after him down the hall to their room.

His mother just gave them a big warm smile when they entered the dining room. Nick turned crimson red and his father just gave him a questioning glance.

"What a nice necklace you have Nick." At his mothers words Nick managed to turn even redder and only the smallest sounding thank you crossed his lips. He did what he could to contain his own mirth but his mother had an uncanny ability to make him laugh. The older generation showed up and breakfast was eaten to a discussion about the menu for the wedding.

During the morning they got a detailed summary of the bachelor parties and the humiliations that the bride and groom had been through. He had been sad to miss it but Nick couldn't take so much vacation from work and his leave was beginning to wear out as well. They had gone with his father and some of the other men in the family to try out their outfits for the wedding.

Charlotte had desired them to wear full evening dress complete with tails and since she insisted, she would also pay for renting them.

When they returned for lunch he remembered that since he was doubling as the bride's father he would have to give the evening's first speech. Nick took the consequence of his less than pleasant temper while writing and went shopping with his grandmother and the children. His mother was in no way intimidated by his foul temper and just pestered him into helping her with a song. However he managed not to kill his mother and get both speech and song written before dinner.

Saturday came and they all dressed up for the wedding. Louise wore the sweetest burgundy dress that Nick had just found on sale somewhere, but he was never allowed to see the receipt for said dress. He only hoped that she wouldn't repeat the eating frenzy from the other night ruining the dress before the evening had begun. They had found a navy blue outfit for Morten and bought two just so he could look nice for more than one hour at a time.

He and Charlotte arrived on time at the church. With a few last minute calming breaths to quell the nerves they psyched each other for the walk up the aisle. The church was filled with people and he barely had time to recognize any but Nick and his parents. The organ sang out the psalm loud and clear, he was pretty sure it was a Mendelssohn one, but he would have to ask he mother which one it was. The walk seemed endless and yet suddenly they were at the alter greeting the groom and his best man.

The bride sat down and so did everybody else as customary. The groom blinked away a tear and Greg could feel his own eyes moisten. Charlotte had chosen a white dress over the traditional bunad and she looked beyond stunning, the dress only had a small train and she didn't wear any veil. But she looked like a million dollars in that dress anyway. The priest spoke up and he tuned into the sacred words. The ceremony was the traditional one where the couple answers yes twice and then exchange the rings handed to them by the best man.

Everything was just perfect and he felt so mushy when the ceremony was over and the now married couple headed down the aisle. He followed after joined by Charlotte's mother and the groom's parents. Even though he had known all along that he wouldn't get much time with Nick that day he still felt a sting in his heart passing the pew with Nick and the children on his way out of the church. Nick gave him a big reassuring smile and as always the smile worked wonders for him.

The weather was mild for December and the sun still an hour from setting so the photographer decided on doing the pictures outside the church.

"That was beautiful." Nick had found him in the crowd outside and he felt an overwhelming need to be held.

"Seeing you walking her down the aisle was quite a sight." Nick continued and he just hugged him in response.

"Oh Greg honey, Charlotte wants you on some photos." His mother called through the crowd and it had to be a special mother-feature because no matter how much noise there was, her voice always carried straight through to him. He planted a swift kiss on Nick's lips and headed over to the newly weds. After what seemed like a thousand photos everybody started to walk towards the restaurant, it was less than a mile from the church and the mild weather only encouraged people to walk.

He had found Nick and the children again and hand in hand, with Louise holding Nick's free one and him pushing the pram they followed suit.

"I love this Greg. I love that everybody is fine with us." Nick had been anxious prior to Louise's birthday and even after that he was still uncertain about how much their families actually had accepted them as a couple.

"Well in this family it only takes for a people to accept before everybody does. I'm not saying that Norway is perfect, there're still bigots here. But at least you can get married or well not quite, but you can have your partnership registered so you can inherit each other."

They had talked about the difference between USA and Norway before, but he couldn't remember if they had talked about gay marriages.

"What about adoption?" Nick knew that he would end up with the short straw in case something would happen to him. He had made a will to express his desire for Nick to have his children in case of death, but he also knew that the authorities weren't obligated by law to follow his wishes.

"It's a hot topic here…" He was about to launch a big explanation when Morten started crying and demanded his undivided attention. Their private moment was over and he knew that they would be scarce for the next many hours. Once at the restaurant he got caught up in coordinating the songs and speeches with the toastmaster and all of a sudden they were seated and the groom welcomed all the guests. The first course was served and he was to deliver his speech.

Dear Bride and Groom.

It is an honor for me to be part of your special day.

When you asked me to give you away Charlotte I was certain that you were joking, but you have never been the prankster, that was always me. I got us into to trouble and you got us out of it again, with your big innocent blue eyes. This is not meant as warning Michael, because I'm sure that you've already learned that.

I still remember the day when mamma came home with you and said, like it was the most natural thing, that you would be staying with us for now. We were nowhere near friends for the first week, but then we discovered that two stood a much better change against the world than one.

We soon became known as the Norwegian twins in school and many a teacher complained over our joint behavior. But we were bright enough to still be loved.

Now this is also a speech for you Michael and well Charlotte started to talk about you 1½ year before she actually got around to introduce you. Which told us all, that she really meant it with you. Our family can be quite a mouthful to meet for the first time, but I'd say that you managed to walk right in and capture everybody's hearts in one go.

And knowing this family I won't carry on much longer. So if everybody would please stand and make a toast with me to the Bride and Groom.

Everybody stood and they toasted. Then he was applauded and thanked for his speech. He liked to give long speeches but preferred to talk about stuff like DNA, something where he knew the entire playing field. It hadn't been easy to write a speech for somebody that he didn't know all that well. Despite having shared a great deal of his childhood with Charlotte they hadn't seen that much of each other the last 10 years and he had only met Michael 6 times before.

More speeches were held and plenty of food served in between and as tradition has it in Norway there had also been made many songs for the occasion. The evening wore on and he only managed to slip by Nick a few times during dinner. Nick ensured him that he was indeed enjoying the wedding and that the children were alright. Louise was all over the place afraid to miss anything and most people had a brief visit on their lap by his little girl. It was almost 11pm when they finished the meal and the room was transformed to hold a dance floor in the middle.

It took him no time at all to find Nick and Morten after they finished.

"Where's the fire?" Nick threw him a slightly goofy smile and he realized that since he had moved in Nick hadn't really drunk alcohol enough to get influenced. Not that Nick was drunk in any way, he just had that quirky smile on.

"Nowhere, now that I'm here by your side." Normally he would have scolded himself for being so mushy, but it was a wedding after all.

"Always the wooer." Nick's smile just got bigger.

"Always for you baby." He cooed.

"Enough, you're worse than sappy you two." His mother covered her ears for emphasis and he couldn't help but blink innocently, using every trick to have her roll her eyes. She dramatically threw her arms in the air and declared them hopeless before she went over to some distant relative.

"I love you." Nick pulled him into the bear hug of the year.

The bride and groom danced the bridal waltz in time before midnight and after that he danced the night away, mostly with Nick but also with several others. Morten seemed content with sleeping most of the evening in the pram parked in the hall and Louise kept on circling from one family member to the next. They didn't get to bed until 4am and for once they had both children sleeping between them.

The following days were spent preparing for Christmas Eve and for the first time in his life Nick went out into the forest and helped pick out and bring home the Christmas tree. On that day out in the forest snow started falling completing the picture for a perfect white Christmas. Louise refused of course to wear mittens and by the time they came home her hands were cold as ice, she screamed when he tried to warm them under lukewarm water and he ended up sitting with her on his lap for two hours, with her icy hands on his stomach.

On Christmas Eve they all went to church in the afternoon and after that home to eat the Christmas meal. Despite his lack of belief in God he still felt a certain calm settle in his soul under the priest's sermon. Morten began to cry in the middle of the sermon and Nick took him outside and joined other parents with crying children.

The meal was a feast of sausages and pork roast with crackling. The restaurant had been transformed from wedding to Christmas with a myriad of little elfins and angels. There was candle decorations adorned with spruce and holly. Oranges with clove gave an aroma so uniquely Christmas together with the cinnamon sticks hung on the tree. Beneath the tree there were Christmas presents from everyone to everyone.

After dinner they danced around the tree singing both Norwegian and English Christmas carols. The children present had all been granted one gift after church, but they soon lost the patience with the older generation and started begging for the presents to be opened. The floor around the tree quickly transformed to little groups of families sitting on the floor. Morten had fallen asleep just after dinner and had been parked in the pram out in the yard with the baby-alarm.

It took them hours to get through all the presents and he silently wondered how they would get back to the States with all the toys that Louise had been given. She had gotten a fire engine complete with batteries and the constant wail of the siren was slowly but surely giving him a headache. Nick beat his mother to notice and took the fire engine from a tired and upset Louise. His father took her and worked his grandfather magic making her fall asleep.

Finally they got to his present for Nick and he had been so excited to see how it would be received. Nick unwrapped with great care and slowly revealed the leather bound book. He motioned for Nick to open it.

This is a collection of my thoughts and feelings since the day you walked into my life. Nick looked up and the dark brown eyes flowed over without a sound.

"You made me a book?!" Nick's voice quivered a bit and he nodded.

"I'd thought you deserved to know. I mean we've been through a great deal and it was very important for me to let you know just how much I love you." His own tears found the surface too and his mother made her oh-how-romantic sound.

Nick gave him a golden chain with an Odin inspired pendant. As he sat there holding the chain and seeing all the candles reflect in the pendant he thought back to that dreadful day where Nick had been kidnapped and buried. A smile spread across his face as he recalled the questions he had asked himself back then.

It had definitely been worth it!

(Budnad = traditional outfit, mostly made out of wool. Each area has their own style and it could be compared to the patterns on Scots kilts.)

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• Nick/Bobby stories
• Jim Brass stories
• David Hodges stories
• CSI: New York stories
• CSI: Miami stories
• Other pairings & threesomes
• Gen CSI stories
• C.S.I. Crime Scene Investigation: The Complete Ninth Season