Title: Rejection, Temptation and Jealousy
Author: Mara
Spoilers: None
Rating: FRM-Heartbreak, Angst, Jealousy and First Time Romance, M/M sex
Pairing: Warrick/Gil (eventually)
Summary: Warrick attempts a relationship with Gil, but gets nowhere. He gets some unexpected comfort, from an unlikely source.
Note: Note: Heaven, Hell and Purgatory (Part 2 of a 3 part trilogy)
Outrage, Resistance and Reunion (Part 3 of a 3 part trilogy)
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. The names of the all characters contained here-in are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS. No infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used without permission.
Feedback: Yes

Rejection:

Warrick's love life had been going nowhere. He had tried and tried to maintain a relationship with several different women over the years, but as hard as he tried, they always ended the same way. He somehow ended up alone and wishing for the one thing he could never have. He tried to fight it. He tried to banish all thoughts of it, but it always came back stronger than the time before.

After the breakup of the night shift, things had gotten worse. Warrick was lonely and depressed and he was thinking about gambling on a daily basis. He knew he had to do something because he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. Gil invaded almost every thought and Warrick was determined to make him understand. He was going to tell Gil exactly how he felt about him and let the chips fall where they may. Warrick had spent far too many nights sobbing into his pillow to let this go on any longer.

The swing shift started off badly and steadily got worse as the night wore on. Warrick hated these cases--another murdered child. Sometimes he just wanted to scream. By the end of the shift, he was totally drained. He made some excuse to Catherine and Nick when they asked him to join them for a drink. Then he beat a hasty retreat to the locker room.

Warrick hadn't expected to see Gil in there. He figured Gris had come in early as usual and would already be hard at work. He never planned on spilling his guts at that moment. He wanted the timing to be special and far away from the daily grind but things never seemed to go as planned. He was so stressed and his nerves were like jagged knives. So when Gil finally spoke to him, he just started babbling.

"You look a little rattled, Warrick. Is everything all right?"

"No, I don't think so. I can't do this anymore. I'm losing my mind. Everything's a mess and there are too many crazies killing kids while nobody gives a shit. My life is in a shambles and I want to go blow every cent I have at a poker table, although that's probably better than blowing my brains out."

"Warrick, sit down and calm down. It's going to be all right. I know it gets bad sometimes but we keep trying. We keep trying because we care. You're one of the best CSI's I know. You're hard working, diligent and selfless. You are absolutely brilliant. Never doubt yourself or your skills. You've gotten through difficult cases before and you can get through this one. I know you, Warrick. Something else is wrong. Please tell me. Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as you perceive. You know I'll help, as much as possible."

"I love you."

Gil stared at Warrick like a bug under a microscope for several seconds before responding. Warrick's heart was in his throat and Gil's intense gaze wasn't helping matters.

"It's not unusual for co-workers to form a deep bond of affection, especially when they've worked together for a long time. I care a great deal for you, as well. I would lay down my life to protect you and I know you would do the same for me. I've come to think of you and everyone as family. So in that sense, I love you too. I feel the same way for Catherine, Sara, Nick and Greg. You've all become an important part of my life and I miss the interaction we shared when the team was still together."

"Gil, that's not what I meant. I didn't plan for this to happen. I've always respected you and valued your opinion, but as time went by I started to have other feelings for you. I realized through the passing years that I had fallen in love with you and I'm not content to just let it go anymore. I want to be with you, completely. I wasn't planning on telling you this way, but I've been so stressed lately. It… I mean I… I just can't keep it bottled up inside. I feel like I'm going to explode. I know this must be a shock, but if you give me an opportunity, I think I can make you happy. We're not so different and I believe we can make this work. You said you cared for me, so maybe you could love me too."

Gil's eyes had become as big around as saucers and his mouth was hanging open. He had that deer in the headlight look and Warrick thought Gil might actually bolt.

Warrick thought, ‘Oh my God! What have I done?'

"Warrick, I don't think you know what you're saying right now. I think that you've had a really difficult night and that it's making you say things out of character. However, if what you're saying is true, then you have to know there is no possibility of that happening. Even if I did feel that way about you, I would never get involved with someone I work so closely with. It would cause too many problems and irreparable damage if things didn't work out. Yes, I care for you and this is not a reflection on you. I think you're a wonderful person and in another place and time, I might even consider it. As things stand, I am not inclined to get involved in a serious relationship with anyone. I'm sure once you've had a chance to get your bearings, you'll see that I'm right. This could never work and I'm sorry if my words hurt you. It's not my intention. Please try to understand. Besides, I think you can do a whole lot better than me. You just need to look at this calmly and objectively. If you need to talk, I'm here for you anytime. Understand?"

"Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's all right, really."

"I gotta go."

" If you need anything, call me. Ok."

"Yeah, sure."

On that note, Warrick got up and left.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Gil was so bewildered he couldn't think. He kept wondering if it had really happened. Warrick… in love with him… not possible; it was totally insane. Why would someone as gorgeous as Warrick be in love with him? He had never gotten any indication that Warrick felt that way about him. He sincerely hoped that Warrick could put this behind him and move on, but Warrick's words kept wandering through his mind, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

Temptation:

Warrick got into his Tahoe, put the key in the ignition, and just sat there. His heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest. He tried to hold them back, but his tears seemed to have a mind of their own. He sat with his head down on the steering wheel while gut-wrenching sobs poured out. The little voice kept whispering, "Come to me, come to me. I'll make everything all better." Warrick barely registered the tapping at his window over the voice of the casino. It wasn't until the tapping became more insistent that he finally looked up.

"Rick, open the door, now! Rick, open the damned door!"

Warrick was still a bit dazed, but he did manage to unlock the door. Brass opened it up and pushed in close to Warrick. He ran his thumb over Warrick's cheek, swiping away tears. "God Rick. What's wrong? What happened? Is your family ok?"

Warrick in a flat, emotionless voice said, "Fine, everything's fine. I'm going home now. I'll see ya later."

"No Rick. Give me your keys. I'll take you home."

Warrick didn't even try to argue. He pulled the keys out of the ignition and handed them to Brass. He followed Jim to his car and got in without a word. Now Jim was really worried. He had never seen Warrick this despondent before. He'd seen him mad as hell, shouting and cursing and he'd seen him hardheaded and stubborn. He'd even seen him gentle and caring, but he had never seen him defeated and hopeless. This was frightening.

The drive to Warrick's house was completely silent. Rick never said a word. He barely even breathed and Jim was afraid to ask anything at this point. When they reached their destination, they both got out and made their way to the door. Jim still had Warrick's keys, so he pulled them out, picking the right key on his first try. The house was all dark, but still not as dark as Warrick's descent into hell. Jim thought, ‘What could have happened to make him break like this?' Jim felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness toward Rick. The one he usually reserved just for Ellie--except this one was also tinged with desire. He finally found the light switch and turned it on. Rick was heading for the kitchen and, when he returned, he was carrying two beers. He handed one to Brass and then sat down on the couch. Jim opened his beer and sat down next to Warrick.

"Rick, talk to me, please. Nothing could be that bad. Come on, try me. I'm a really good listener."

Rick let out a sigh and, when he began to speak, he sounded resigned to his fate. "I'm sorry Jim. I didn't mean to drag you into this. I've had a night from hell. It's this case. I hate them. Kids being killed make me crazy. I've never been able to comprehend how someone could hurt or kill an innocent child. I know it happens everyday, but I'll never understand it."

"Me either, but I don't think it's the case alone that's hurting you. Who hurt you, Rick? You can tell me. Maybe I can fix things. I told you once that I'm not just another pretty face. I'm good at lots of things and if someone hurt you, I can put them in jail because I'm a cop. That's gotta count for something."

Rick gave a weak smile. "There's nothing to tell. I'm stupid. I just made a complete fool of myself in front of the one person I love more than anything. I should have just kept my mouth shut, but no, I had to spill my guts like a blithering idiot. Now, he thinks I'm a raving lunatic and I don't blame him."

Jim took a deep breath and questioned, "Him?"

Warrick thought, ‘Fuck. Oh well, what difference does it make now? It's over and the ship has sailed. So who cares what anyone else thinks?' "Yeah Jim, I said him. That's right; I'm in love with a man. I have been for years--not that it's gone anywhere. He doesn't want me and he never will. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. I hope you don't think badly of me, but I am who I am."

Every fantasy Jim ever had was just dropped into his lap and, for a moment, he was speechless. Warrick was gay. Thank the Gods. ‘Wait, you jerk. He's in pain. Don't even go there.' Jim told his little voice to shut the hell up. He knew what he was doing. Sure he did. Jim was always in control, that's why he was about to come in his pants.

Jim moved closer to Rick and put his hand on Rick's arm, gently caressing it. "Why would I think badly of you? Love is love. What I'm having a hard time believing is that someone would hurt you like this. He's got to be out of his mind." Jim had a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach and an image of Gil flashed in his head. Can't be--no way, but he was certain of it, even if he didn't know why.

"It's ok Jim. It's not like I wasn't expecting it. I don't know what I was thinking. I should've known someone like him could never love someone like me."

"And what's wrong with you? You're beautiful, intelligent, a brilliant criminalist and the sexiest thing walking. He should have been thrilled that you even looked at him. He paused for just a second before continuing. " I know I'm being nosey, but it's Gil, isn't it? You don't have to answer--I know I'm right. I can feel it."

"You're pretty perceptive--you should've been a detective. Was I that obvious?"

"Of course not. I never had a clue, but there's only one guy I know who would be stupid enough to turn you down and that's Gil. Don't get me wrong. Gil and I have been friends a long time, but he's totally inept when it comes to dealing with people or his feelings. I'll bet he made a pretty speech though. He always does. It was probably the same one he gave to Sara. Sometimes he can be such an asshole and you deserve better! A whole lot better! At this moment, I'm seriously considering beating the fool out of Gil."

" Please don't! I'm embarrassed enough. You gotta promise me you won't say anything to Gil. Promise!"

"Ok, I promise, but if it had been me, you wouldn't have been crying in your Tahoe. He's such a shit-head. I know he's brilliant, but a walking dream tells him he loves him and what does he do? He turns it away and rides off on his high horse. That's just bullshit. He needs to update his damn code of ethics. There's nothing in it that says he has to throw away a chance at happiness. What a moron!"

" Jim, you're ranting," but Rick was smiling. Jim moved closer. In fact, if he got much closer, he'd be in his lap. Brass brushed the side of Warrick's face with the back of his hand. The older man's eyes were on fire--lit from within--and his lips were soft. He was so warm and comforting that Rick started to melt into Jim's embrace. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like that. He opened his mouth as Jim deepened the kiss-- tongues sliding together until the need to breath overcame them both. They were gasping for air and Jim's hand was between Rick's legs, fueling the fire with every caress. "Ah God. Oh Jim. Please you gotta stop. I can't. Please, it's not fair to you. You know I want Gil and this would only stop the want for one night."

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. God, I'm such a jerk. I didn't mean to take advantage of you. You are just so fucking hot. Do you have any idea what you do to me, what you've always done to me? I know I'm no prize, but I would do anything for you. Please forgive me. I meant what I said; I'd do anything. I'm gonna go now, but please think about it. We could give it a shot. Just have dinner with me tomorrow--who would it hurt? What do ya say? Come on. I know some new dirty jokes and I'm buying. Pretty please?"

Rick gave a tentative smile and acquiesced. Jim was right--who would it hurt? As Rick saw it, he had three choices. He could pine away for someone who didn't want him, gamble himself to death or he could take a chance with someone who actually cared for him. Hmm, interesting choices. This whole thing had taken on a new twist. True, he didn't feel the love or passion for Jim that he felt for Gil, but Jim was warm and sympathetic. He thought that maybe he could love him in time.

Rick's dreams that night were torturous. Gil and Jim were playing a tug of war with his emotions and he wasn't sure if he'd survive it.

Dinner led to drinks, a movie and, even a walk in the park. Warrick actually felt relaxed for the first time in a long time. Jim was good company. He was funny and attentive, and the way he looked at Warrick was hot as hell. When they got back to Warrick's place, he didn't invite Jim in even though he thought he should. They ended the night on the doorstep, where Jim moved in and gave Rick a chaste kiss. Rick tilted his head and kissed Jim back, adding just a bit more pressure.

When the kiss ended, Jim's eyes were ablaze and Rick thought, ‘I wonder what Gil's eyes would look like full of fire and passion?' A shudder ran through Rick's body and he stepped away from Jim.

Jim seemed to understand because he backed off immediately. "It's ok, babe. No pressure, I promise. You know how much I want you, but I'm willing to wait. I had a wonderful time. I hope we can do this again. Can we?" Jim looked so vulnerable at that moment; Rick couldn't say anything but yes.

"I'll see ya tomorrow at work. Don't let it get you down. Everything will be all right. If you need me, just yell, ok?"

"Ok. Hey, thanks. This was fun. I'll see ya at work. Good night."

"Night, babe."

Rick went inside and locked the door. He wasn't quite sure what he was feeling. The whole evening had been amazing, but he still felt guilty. It just wasn't fair to Jim. Gil had infected his thoughts and made the date somehow surreal, but Rick was determined to get over it. He had a chance now to start anew with someone who loved him. He didn't think he should throw that chance away because he might never get another one. So he went to bed that night with a hardened resolve. He was going to get over Gil and make a fresh start with Jim.

Jealousy:

For once, the shift turned out to be pretty uneventful. The psychos must have taken a vacation and Warrick was eternally grateful. He was wrapping it up and heading for home, when he saw Jim in the break room, so he stopped in to say hi.

Gil was just starting his shift when he received a call. He was on his way to a crime scene when he passed the break room and spotted Warrick. He thought he'd stop for a moment to see how he was doing because he hadn't seen Warrick since that night in the locker room. But when Gil entered, he saw that Warrick wasn't alone. He and Jim were talking quietly in the corner by the coffee machine. Jim had his hand on Warrick's forearm and Gil noticed that Jim's fingers were gently stroking the underside of said arm.

Blinding rage washed over him and Gil had all he could do not to shove Jim away from Warrick. He managed to get himself under control, but he was still seeing red. Gil had never been this angry and he had no idea why.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

Jim turned at the sound of Gil's voice and questioned, "Hey Gil, how ya doing?"

"Apparently not as well as you."

Gil knew he was wrong the minute the words passed his lips. He knew by Warrick's sharp intake of breath and the agonizing pain he saw mirrored in those expressive green eyes. Unfortunately, Gil wasn't the only one who saw the hurt. Brass saw it as well and was now shaking with anger. Warrick had the presence of mind to grab hold of the back of Jim's suit coat to keep him from launching himself at Gil. Gil wisely took several steps back and tried to cover up his slip.

"Ah, I meant you looked like you were having a serious discussion. Is everything all right?"

Warrick let go of Jim and just walked out. He had that same look in his eyes--the one he had the night Jim found him in his car.

Gil's eyes followed Warrick out the door and when he turned back, Jim was glaring at him. This was not going to be pretty, so Gil did the only thing he could. He tried to bluff his way out of it.

"I'm really sorry, Jim. I didn't mean to interrupt, but I wanted to talk to Warrick. Last time I saw him he was very stressed out and I just wanted to see if he was ok."

"Well, Gil, he was doing a whole lot better up until the point you called him a slut!"

" Oh God! Jim, I did not say that. I didn't even imply it. I would never say anything like that to Warrick. I've been concerned about him, and when I saw you talking to him, I… I just thought something might be wrong."

"Yeah, tell it to someone who doesn't know you. I'm the one that found him after your little speech on ethics. He was sobbing in his car. It's taken me three and a half days to get him calmed down. Now, we're back to square one with him feeling dejected and worthless. He said that someone like you could never love someone like him and now he's sure of it. You said you didn't want him, so leave him alone and let someone who does want him have a chance. But if you ask me, I don't think you can do that. Can you? I don't think you have it in you to just walk away. Now that you know you're not the only fish in the sea, it would be too much of a blow to your ego. Wouldn't it?"

"Jim, please. I don't want to hurt Warrick. You have to believe me. I never wanted to make him cry or feel worthless. I think Warrick is incredible. I always have. He's amazing, brilliant and gorgeous. He's …he's…"

"I get it. Sounds like love to me, but hey, what do I know? Just so you know, I'm not going to give up without a fight and I'm certainly not going to take a dive for you. So you better decide and decide fast." He glanced out the door as if looking for Warrick. "I'm out of here. I've gotta do some damage control, thanks to you. Hope you're happy now."

Gil was far from happy. In fact he was downright miserable. If he didn't have to go to the crime scene, he would have gone home and gotten drunk. He was going to have to talk to Warrick soon. He had to straighten this mess out--one way or the other. He never wanted to hurt Warrick and he was beginning to think that maybe Brass was right. Maybe he did love Warrick. That would explain his reaction to Jim touching him. Gil had to figure this out quickly before it was too late.

The drive to the crime scene took Gil directly through Warrick's neighborhood, so like an idiot--he ventured a drive by. Jim's car was parked out front, so Gil circled the block and came in from the opposite direction. He parked discretely across the street under a large tree, killing the engine and the lights. He watched the alcove at the entrance to Warrick's house. The light in the alcove was on, so he had an excellent view from where he was parked. It wasn't long before the door opened and Jim stepped out. Rick followed him out and Jim was rubbing his arm in a reassuring manner. Jim stepped closer and reached up, pulling Warrick into a kiss. Warrick didn't put up a fight. He seemed to kiss Jim back. Jim was whispering something in his ear and holding him protectively. He finally broke off his embrace and got in his car and pulled away. Warrick went back inside and turned off the alcove light.

Gil sat in his car, stunned. He couldn't believe it. Now he knew exactly how Warrick felt, heart broken and dejected. It was Gil's turn for tears to flow. How could he have been so stupid? Everything Gil ever wanted had just kissed someone else. Gil had driven Warrick into Jim's arms and he had no one to blame but himself. That was the last straw. Gil came to a decision on the spot. Tomorrow was his night off and by God he wasn't going to waste it.

Warrick had to work that night, but Gil had all the patience in the world. So about one A.M., Gil made his way over to Warrick's house. The lights were on and Jim's car was parked out front again. This time, Gil didn't care! He was going in whether Jim was there or not.

When he reached the door, Gil noticed that it was slightly ajar. A moment of panic hit him. Why would the door be ajar? Something could be wrong. Throwing caution to the wind, he stepped inside. He made the short walk down the hall into the living room and froze. Jim had Warrick pinned up against a wall and was trying to kiss the life out of him. His hands were roaming every inch of Warrick's body and the moaning was getting louder. Gil couldn't move. He was riveted to that spot. It wasn't until he heard something else over the moaning that his mind finally unlocked itself.

"Jim, stop. Please, I can't do this. We can't do this. I've tried. I really have, but it's Gil I love. Stop!"

Gil knew he had to intervene--for himself as well as for Warrick. "He said stop!"

Jim whirled around and came face to face with a very determined looking Gil Grissom. This was not how it was supposed to be.

"What the hell are you doing here? Nobody asked you here. Get out Gil!"

"I'm not leaving. You are. I need to speak with Warrick, alone."

Jim turned back to Warrick who had a horror-stricken look on his face.

"Oh God, Rick. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to push. Please don't be angry. I would never hurt you. You know how I feel about you. I just got carried away."

Jim looked positively pitiful and Warrick could feel some of his fear dissipating. "It's ok, Jim. You didn't hurt me and I'm not mad. I really need to talk to Gil. Please? I'll call you later. I promise."

"All right, but don't make any hasty decisions. Talk to me first."

"I will."

After Jim had gone, Gil's first inclination was to yell at Warrick. Before he got the chance, Warrick started to cry. This was more than Gil could stand. He grabbed hold of Warrick and pulled him into a tight embrace. He began kissing the tears away until their mouths finally found each other's. When Warrick managed to look at Gil, he was amazed to see fire and passion burning in Gil's eyes. Warrick pushed Gil away gently and looked at him with confusion.

"You said you didn't want me. You said that you didn't feel that way about me. I don't understand?"

"I know and it's all my fault. I am such a jackass. You scared the shit out of me that night in the locker room. I had no idea and I couldn't begin to imagine why you would be in love with someone like me. I thought it was stress talking. I didn't believe that you really meant it. I was wrong and I behaved badly. I came over here tonight to beg your forgiveness. I'll do anything to make it up to you. Please, tell me it's not too late?"

"I don't know anything right now, Gil. All I know is that I love you and I have for a very long time. That being said, I don't know what I would've done if Jim hadn't found me that night. He was my shelter in a raging storm. I was drowning and he threw me a lifeline. I can't just disregard his feelings. I don't want him to hurt that way. Since you have all of the answers now, what am I supposed to do?"

"God, this is such a mess. I don't want Jim to hurt either. He and I have been friends a long time, but we can figure this out. I know we can, if that's what you want. I love you desperately and I want to show you just how much."

Gil moved in slowly, cupping Warrick's face in his hands. He pulled him close and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. Warrick wrapped his arms around Gil and sighed softly into the kiss. It was breathtaking and it felt right, like coming home. Warrick knew there was no turning back. Warrick finally had everything he'd ever wanted and he wasn't about to let it go now.

End