Title: Too Little, Too Late
Author: Carina Scott
Author Email: carinascott06@gmail.com
Category: Angst, Established Relationship
Rating: FRAO
Pairing: Warrick/Gil
Status of Story: Complete
Summary: Gil comes to a realization, but he may be too late.
Disclaimer: I don't own, please don't sue.
Spoilers: All Seasons
Story Notes: This takes place when Gil returns from his sabbatical, however because it was written before he actually returned in canon, there are no spoilers for any episodes after "Leaving Las Vegas". And of course, I am ignoring the whole GSR thing and Tina doesn't exist.Gil's POV
I know I should knock, but I can't. Doesn't matter, he probably won't open the door anyway. I wouldn't if I were him.
What the hell was I thinking? The rock of my team? Sure, Warrick had taken it all in stride, even thanked me for the compliment, but I could see the glimmer of hope in his eyes dim until it was completely gone. I did that. I dashed any hope that we could ever be more than friends, more than fuck buddies, with a few well placed words.
It wasn't a lie; Warrick is the rock of my team. But he's so much more. He's become the cornerstone of my life. He's my foundation, holding me up when the world around me is crumbling, sheltering me from the cruelties of the world where he can, making certain that I realize that there is still some good in the world no matter the evil we see each day. He's never asked me for more than I can give, gives me space when I need it without complaint, and gives me comfort without hesitation. He was there for me when I went through the emotional upheaval almost losing my hearing caused. He was there to help me recover after the corrective surgery. It wasn't surprising, Warrick was always there for me, whether I realized I needed or not. From the moment I met him he just accepted me and my flaws without question. He didn't pressure me to be more sociable, just accepted that I was a private man. He became the best friend I didn't realize I was looking for, the one I needed. Over the years he became as much a part of my life as my work had always been.
I had probably been in love with him for a long time, but I didn't even realize just how much until he kissed me. He had just beaten me at chess during our weekly game, and in the midst of his celebration he turned and kissed me. I think it shocked both of us, but as we moaned into the kiss our initial shock turned into arousal, and I found myself trying to climb inside him at that moment. But Warrick wouldn't have it; we waited another week before we had sex. Or as he so eloquently put it, before we made love. Warrick told me that although he wasn't asking for a relationship, he still didn't want me to make a choice that I would later regret because my judgment was clouded by lust.
If I hadn't been in love with him already, I fell in love with him at that moment. And a week later, he came to my home at my request and I told him in no uncertain terms that I wanted to take him to my bed. Unfortunately, after that we became more than friends but never really entered a relationship. I thought things were going great, and for about a year and a half things were perfect. Then one night, in the midst of our post-coital glow Warrick mumbled that he loved me as he drifted off to sleep. I don't even know if he realized what he'd said, but I didn't sleep a wink that night. And everything just snowballed from there. I had already been working on the miniature killer cases, dealing with Sara's overtures (which I had almost become accustomed too), and then he dropped that bombshell. Watching the guy blow his brains out in front of me, be it in person or not, was the last straw.
I decided to take Williams College up on their teaching offer and packed my bags for a four week vacation. I meant to tell him. I really did. But every time I tried to, the words just died on my lips. I picked up the phone so many times to call him, but I never got past dialing the first three numbers. When I would see him at work I would talk about everything else but what I needed to. Then I ran out of time. I never wanted to tell him like that, but in the end I had no choice. There was no time to prepare him for the fact that I was leaving or explain to him what that meant for us. In all honesty, when I left I had no idea what it might mean for us.
But now I do. Four long and arduous weeks alone, with nothing to keep me company in the unoccupied hours after my classes were over, gave me a lot of time to think. Now I know without a shadow of doubt that I love him. I have loved him for far longer than I cared to admit. I loved him before we shared our first kiss, and if he'll give me the chance, I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to him.
Taking a deep breath, I try to gather my courage before knocking on the door. I can hear shuffling and a mumbled curse. "Hang on a minute, I'm coming." A few more moments pass before the door is opened.
Suddenly I am facing a half-sleep, very irritated Warrick Brown, clad in nothing but silk pajama bottoms. "This had better be impor- Gil? What are you doing here?"
I can't help but smirk at his shocked expression. "I came back early. I finished up teaching my classes yesterday, and decided to take an early flight home. You were my first stop." I relax when I see that he isn't moving to slam the door in my face. However, just as I am getting ready to invite myself in so we can continue our conversation inside where it's warm, I hear a voice from inside. A very male voice. "Ricky? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, Jess, everything's fine. Go back to sleep." Warrick calls over his shoulder before focusing his attention back on me. "I'd invite you in Griss, but Jess has to perform a delicate surgery early in the morning and I have to take my Grams to a doctor's appointment. You wanna go for coffee afterwards? We could even make it lunch, I know you probably miss a home cooked meal. I can make that famous chili of mine that you love so much. Whatcha say?"
Reeling from the fact that he is standing here asking me out to lunch when a strange man is sleeping in his bed; I try my best to mask my anger and embarrassment. "I-I'd love to Warrick, but I'll have to take a rain check. I haven't slept too w-well since I left home, kinda weird sleeping in a strange bed. Since I'm back a day early, I think I'll try to catch up on some much needed rest. Maybe we can do it some other time."
"Sure Gil. Just let me know when, chili is always good. If your plans change tomorrow, the invitation's open for dinner as well. I really want to catch up with you. It's been weird without you around the lab."
"Thanks, Ricky. I missed you guys too." I smile as convincingly as I can before I wave and take my leave.
Hearing the door shut behind me, I let the fake smile disappear from my face as I hurry to my car. I never thought about the fact that Warrick might have found someone else. I guess the knowledge that he had waited for so long, loved me for all this time, waited for me to make up my mind had lulled me into a false sense of security. It only makes sense that he would get tired of waiting for me to make up my mind and with the way I left things, it probably shouldn't come as a surprise. At least I know he still considers me a friend, still missed having me around. Unfortunately, all the knowledge in the world is cold comfort when facing the brutal reality of being too little, too late.
~*~
Warrick's POV
I can't restrain the yawn that overcomes me as I sit waiting for my Grams to finish up with her doctor. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I was tired as hell, but after Gil's visit I couldn't do anything more than toss and turn, maybe catching a few minutes here and there.
I don't know why I'm even thinking about him. Hell, I don't know why I was so civil to him last night. That's a lie. I know why I was so nice to him. I love him. Even now, knowing that he didn't give a second thought to leaving me for four weeks, I still love him. It hurt when he looked me in the eye and told me I was the rock of his team. I mean, it was nice to hear him say that, I even said as much. But those weren't the words I wanted to hear. I don't think I realized until that moment how much I wanted to hear Gil tell me he loved me.
I've always known that Gil has a hard time expressing his emotions. Hell, he holds onto the emotionless faade as if it were his damn security blanket. In some ways it is. And at first it didn't bother me, I could tell he's been hurt before, probably more than once; and I would love to throttle the asshole responsible for all his insecurities But even with all his self doubts and such, I still found myself immediately drawn to him. We've had our ups and downs as friends and as colleagues, but I thought we had found our niche.
I have seen evidence of his feelings for me, and I can feel it when he lies in my arms after we have made love. The simple fact that he lies in my arms, or vice versa, after we've mad love is proof enough. If it was only about sex one of us would make a move to leave afterwards. If it was just sex, we wouldn't keep an extra toothbrush and set of clothes at each other's homes. It's about more than sex, and I wish he would realize that. But he hasn't. Maybe he never will.
I remember the night I confessed my feelings for him. I hadn't meant to, and judging from the way he tensed in my arms he hadn't expected it either. Seeing that he was uncomfortable, I pretended to drift to sleep, but it took about another half hour before I truly fell asleep. After that I didn't dare mention my feelings, certain that he would think about it a few days then finally admit his feelings. Too bad that never happened.
Dammit! What is taking Grams so long? We've been here well past an hour. What the hell is the point of setting an appointment if the patient is the only one that bothers to arrive on time?
I'll just close my eyes for a moment; try to catch a few Z's before she comes out.
*
I don't know how long I've been asleep, but the next thing I know my Grams is shaking me awake, ready to go.
It takes about twenty minutes to get to my Grams house. She tries to get me to come in but I decline, I really need some sleep or I'm not gonna be any good at work tomorrow.
Finally I make it home, and stop to get my mail before heading inside. Trashing the junk mail, I grab a beer from the fridge, I head into the living room. `Dammit Jess, I swear Aunt Bertha raised a pig when she brought you up. I let you stay at my house, the least you could do is pick up after yourself,' I think as I grab the pillow and crumpled blanket off of the couch before taking them into the laundry room.
Returning to the living room, I grab my beer and settle onto the couch. Taking a long pull on the bottle of beer, I lean my head against the back of the couch, hoping to rest my eyes for a minute before dragging my weary bones to bed.
"Shit!" I yell as I jerk awake, the image of the fake smile and look in gil's eyes fading from my mind. The same damn image that had kept me awake all night.
No wonder Gil brushed my invitation to lunch off so easily with that lame excuse about needing sleep. I know Gil likes routine, but with our job we've learned to sleep just about anywhere, so I know he wasn't having problems sleeping in a strange bed as he told me last night. It just took until now for me to figure out why he would blatantly lie to me.
Jess. He thinks I'm sleeping with my cousin Jesse. I can only picture what it must have looked like when I answered the door, half naked, a strange man calling my name from the inside. If it wasn't for the fact that the thought of sleeping with my cousin wasn't disgusting I would be laughing my ass off. In fact, I should probably be more pissed than amused. I know Gil and I haven't made a commitment to each other, but he's only been gone for a month! Not likely that I'd sleep with the first hot guy to come along. Okay, that's a repulsive thought. Jesse's a good looking guy, but even if we weren't related I wouldn't be interested. Too young. Okay, why am I thinking about this? How much alcohol is in this damn beer anyway?
Even if I did sleep with someone while Gil was gone, I wouldn't invite them to my house. That's sacred ground and only those I feel something more than a physical connection with have seen my home. In fact, the last lover I let see the inside of my house, not to mention my bedroom, was about three years before I started this thing with Gil. No way it's gonna take less than a month for me to break that vow I made to myself long ago. Occasional sexual release in a random hotel is one thing, even if it's not so smart, but bringing them home is out of the question.
But Gil's reaction makes more sense now than it did before. Maybe his little sabbatical did him some good. Maybe he realizes that he cares about me. Maybe not. All I know is that I'm not gonna get any sleep now so I might as well give it up. I need answers and if he won't come to me I'll go to him. As tired as I am, I hope he'll come to me.
Pulling out my cell phone, I press #1 on the speed dial and wait for him to answer. Hopefully I'm not too late; it takes a lot for Gil to come out of his emotional shell to reveal anything about himself. I hope I can get to him before he decides to close himself off again.
"Grissom." It's obvious he was sleep if the half-mumbled speech is any indication.
"Hey Gil. I'm sorry to wake you. I need to talk to you."
I hear the heavy sigh before he replies. "Ricky, I told you that I needed to catch up on some sleep."
"Yeah, yeah, I remember your half-ass excuse."
"Warrick," he warns, seriousness slightly undermined by the fact that he sounds like a whiny child when he's still half asleep.
"Look, Gil. I suggest you put on some clothes and grab a cup of coffee. I'm catching a cab and I'll be at your door within the hour. You'd damn well better open up."
"Can't this wait until later, when I'm more awake?" Gil pleads.
"Nope, I think this conversation is long overdue. Drink up, I'll be there soon." Ending the call with a quick press of a button, I go in search of the phone number for a local cab company.
As a child whenever we arrived somewhere later than my Grams had intended, she used to sigh dramatically and say "Better late than never," before she would usher us towards our destination.
Dialing the cab number, I can't help but smile. That might be so, but sometimes being late can have its own little perks.
~*~
Gil's POV
"I'm coming, I'm coming," I yell, hoping the annoyance is evident is my voice.
Yanking the door open, I find Warrick on the other side with a bag in his hand. "Hey Gil, I brought lunch. It's not my chili, but it'll have to do."
I stare at him in disbelief.
"You gonna let me in?"
I debate it for a minute before the smell of the food gets to me. I'm starved so I stand aside and let him in.
"Hmm, see you haven't had a chance to unpack." He says with a glance at the luggage that I had hastily discarded just inside the entrance my living room.
"No I haven't. As I said last night when I stopped by, I was tired."
"Oh yeah, that. I remember. Do you want onion rings or fries? I got both just in case you wanted something different." Warrick replies as he grabs plates out of the cupboard to serve the aromatic food. He's acting as if he didn't call me less than an hour ago telling me to wake up or else.
"Warrick, what is this about?"
"Eat first, and then we can talk. Come on, I can hear your stomach growling, I know you're hungry."
"Warrick," I attempt but my stomach rumbles loudly once more preventing all excuses. "Okay. But we talk afterwards, no more stalling."
"Scout's honor." He replies with some awkward hand gesture before he brings the two full plates into the living room.
Sitting next to him, I grab a fry before I look at him, "I doubt you were ever a Boy Scout."
He smiles at me and takes a bite of his burger. I follow suit and before long we've both cleared our plates. I take them into the kitchen, washing them quickly before leaving them on the drain to dry. Preparing two cups of coffee, I join Warrick back in the living room.
Handing him the coffee, I take my seat next to him once again. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
He turns towards me in his seat, taking a long sip of his coffee. "Why did you stop by last night?"
"I told you, I came back early and you were my first stop."
"That's part of the answer. Care to tell me the whole truth this time?"
"I did. I finished my classes a day early. So I took an early flight back. I stopped by to see you on my way home. No big deal."
"No big deal, except that my house is not on the way home from the airport. In fact, you'd reach your house before you got to mine, meaning you had to back track when you left last night. Care to try again?"
"Why does it matter? I wanted to see you, so I stopped by."
"So you went out of your way to see me last night, but declined my invitation to lunch and dinner on the basis of needing sleep. You, who I've witnessed going without sleep for almost 72 hours, couldn't spare a few hours over a meal with a friend you missed so much that you had to stop by his place before going home."
"Warrick, what are you getting at?"
"Why did you come over to my house?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Because it does."
"Look Warrick. I missed you okay. I haven't seen you in a month and I missed talking to you. I'm sorry if I bothered you."
"I was looking for an explanation Gil, not an apology. I missed you too."
I can't help the snort that escapes me at his last comment.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing."
"Is this about Jesse?"
"Who?" I ask, flinching when my voice squeaks just a tad.
"You know who I'm talking about; he was at my house last night."
"Oh, your house guest. His name was Jesse?" I know it's childish but I can't help it.
"Yeah my houseguest. Does it bother you that he slept over?"
"Should it?"
"I asked you first."
"Real mature Warrick."
"Answer the question Gil," he responds as he places his half-empty cup on the coffee table. I don't move as he reaches out and removes the steaming mug from my hands, my eyes following as he places it on the table next to his own. He turns back to me and grabs my hands in his. I shiver at the warmth in his gaze, matching the heat coming from his hands. "Does it bother you?"
Looking away, I can feel myself blush, as I whisper. "Yes."
"It shouldn't."
"I know! Okay? I know. It shouldn't matter who you share your bed with because we aren-" My explanation is cut off by a soft brush of his lips.
"It shouldn't matter because I didn't share my bed with Jesse."
"But he-"
"He's my younger cousin, and he slept on the couch."
"Your cousin? Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?" I say as I rise from the couch, moving across the room to stand in front of the fireplace, trying to hide my embarrassment at my earlier reaction.
"Because I needed proof."
"Of what?"
"That you care about me. That you feel something for me."
"And you think me caring about who you sleep with means I feel something for you."
"Doesn't it?"
I turn my back on him, unable to answer the question even though I'm screaming `yes' repeatedly in my head. I can hear Warrick getting off the couch, and suddenly I can feel him standing behind me. He touches my shoulder and turns me so I'm facing him.
With a lone finger he tilts my head until I'm looking into his expressive green eyes. "Doesn't it, Gil? Don't you feel something for me?"
"Yes," I reply, gasping at the emotion that the one word evokes within those soulful eyes. "Yes Warrick, I do."
He moves closer to me, lips mere inches from mine, "Say it, Gil. Tell me."
I shiver as his breath ghosts over my lips. "I love you."
"Say it again."
I can't help the smile that graces my face as I move closer to him. "I love you Warrick."
Warrick closes the gap between us as he kisses me with more passion than I've ever felt from anyone. Our tongues duel playfully as the kiss deepens, neither giving up control of the kiss completely, merely exchanging it back and forth until we are both left breathless from the effort. Resting his forehead against mine, Warrick smiles as he looks into my eyes, "I love you to Gil. I love you so much."
My heart flutters in my chest at the conviction in his voice. "I know. It took a while, but I know." With another soft kiss, I grab Warrick's hand and lead him down the hall.
"Where we going?" he asks as he maneuvers himself behind me so that he has his arms wrapped around my waist. It makes for a difficult journey, but we make it without stumbling all over ourselves too much.
"I don't know about you, but I'm kinda tired. I guess all this soul searching and confessing takes its toll on the body." I answer turning in his embrace and wrapping my arms around his neck.
"I guess so. Not to mention that I haven't been able to sleep all to well without you by my side."
Rolling my eyes, "You know, we are idiots."
"How so?"
"Think about it. Before I left, how many nights did we spend sleeping alone on a weekly basis?"
"Maybe once or twice a week. Sometimes you slept at my place or I slept over here."
"Exactly. Seems our body had things figured out long before we did."
We share a laugh at our stupidity and another deep kiss before stripping and climbing into bed. Snuggling together, we kiss each other lazily before we let the gentle hum of the heater lull us to sleep.
Wrapped in the cozy cocoon of our love, it warms my heart to know that through all the ups and downs we arrived at our destiny right on time.
### The End ###
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