Title: MCMXC A.D
Author: Beverly aka Bev *too*
Beta: none this time, sorry.
Fandom/Pairing: CSI: Vegas, Gil Grissom/Nick Sokes
Rating: PG 13
Summary: The love story between Gil and Nick, told in drabbles.
Warning/Spoiler: none
Auhor's note: A few years ago we had a challenge in another group. Take a music album, take the titles and write a drabble to each one. It was a thought that fascinated me, and after listening to Enigma's "MCMXC A.D" again, I got this cute little bunny staring at me. So here it is. Enjoy.

**Sadness Part 1**

"Sleep with me!"

Nick Stokes stopped dead in his tracks when he heard those words. Coming from
Sara of all people. From Sara who was standing in the door to Grissom's office.
He turned around, not waiting to hear the answer.

Not *wanting* to hear the answer. He'd always felt that someone like Gil Grissom
was way out of his league. But *knowing* it like this … nearly broke his heart.

Cathryn walked up to him, talking about a case, and he smiled at her, tried to
listen to her words. And locked his sadness away.

**Principles of Lust**

It was easy.

Really.

When he didn't think about it too closely, he could fool himself in thinking
that the man with the graying hair who was currently writhing beneath him,
begging for his cock, was Grissom. Nick closed his eyes, and was tempted to
press his hand over the other man's mouth. The voice wasn't the same. It
irritated him.

Out and back in. Loving the slight resistance, then give. The tightness.

He didn't care at this point if he fucked Grissom or Bill or Joe.

The principles of lust were easy to understand. Sometimes he even believed
himself.

**Callas went away**

Her voice was angelic. Calming. Gil closed his eyes, rested back against the
headrest of the chair, and floated on her voice.

Maria Callas. One of the world's greatest Opera singers. Though she was dead,
her voice would live on forever.

Like his love for Nicky. After Sara's offer tonight, he had tried to find the
young man, needing this presence like a physical thing.

Cathryn had told him, Nicky went away. Already went home. And Gil had felt lost.
Nicky was gone. He listened to Callas. And right now she was just as
unobtainable as Nicky. And it hurt.

**Mea Culpa**

The light in Nick's eyes was gone. It was the first thing Gil noticed after
Sara's ridiculous offer the night before. He waited for him the next evening
like he had done so many times before. Waited for him, not knowing that he was
already inside the building. Sitting on his desk.

Still?

Again?

Greg walked up to Nick, said something and his Nicky laughed. Then his eyes
found Gil, standing outside, gazing at him. And the light went out.

Gil couldn't get rid of the feeling that it was his fault. Mea Culpa, he
thought. And he felt old.

**The voice and the snake**

Cathryn – as always – was his voice of reason. "You love him, and you know it.
Not telling him will only hurt him. And it'll hurt you. Do you really want to do
that? To chase him away? Think about it!"

And he did.

But there was also the snake in his head, hissing. "He's your colleague. Your
*male* colleague. Do you really want to risk everything you worked for just for
a little fling with Nick Stokes?"

He kicked the snake in its butt. He had liked Cathryn always better anyways.

"Nicky, got one moment?"

**Knocking on forbidden doors**

Panting, they collapsed in a tangled heap of limbs, exchanging kisses, lazy
strokes, and Nick purred like a giant cat.

"I never thought you would notice me," he murmured huskily. Gil smiled into his
skin, pressing a soft kiss to Nick's throat.

"I never thought you would open your door and let me in," he answered.

"I never thought you would ever come knocking," Nick teased.

"Knocking on forbidden doors is never easy," Gil mused, and Nick got serious,
kissing him gently.

"Not forbidden, Gil. Never again forbidden."

His smile could have lit the world.

**Rivers of Believe**

It always soothed him. Standing on the banks of some river. Watching the water
flow by. Hours after hours he could stand there, believing everything was
allright. That the world around him wasn't the madhouse it really was.

"Looking for the meaning of life again?" a voice behind him asked, and he smiled
when strong arms encircled him from behind.

"I don't have to," he answered, turned around and kissed the mouth offered to
him. Dark eyes sparkled with joy. "I have found someone to believe in."

One last look at the river, and he walked away.

The end

Next set of drabbles in series - The Cross of Changes