Title: Mean
By: Rapidfan
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG
Summary: Neither intended for things to come to this.

Mean, v. 1. To have as meaning. Syn.-indicate, spell, denote, signify, betoken, import, determine, symbolize, imply, allude to.

Nick felt it was important that Sanders understand just where they stood. They drank too much beer last night. It had unfortunate (fantastic, incredible, mind blowing) consequences. It was just something that happened. The thing is, Nick really needed Greg to understand that the last seven hours didn't really mean anything.

It was just one of those unfortunate things.

Greg listened to Nick. He listened and tried not to scowl. He had to agree with the facts. They had been drunk. Clearly, not thinking things through like they should of. It had indeed led to some unfortunate (fantastic, incredible, mind blowing) activity that Nick, at least, was regretting. Greg found that regret to be almost excruciatingly painful.

It was unfortunate.

The two managed to expend more energy avoiding each other than they had burned that one night in Nick's bed. When they did find themselves alone, Nick still tried to convince Greg that really, it was just the alcohol talking that night. It didn't mean anything at all. It was just circumstances beyond their control.

Unfortunate.

Greg hated the sick feeling he got when he ended up alone with Nick. They had always been such good friends. The drunken night in Nick's bed had stolen his closest friend from him. As much as he'd dreamed of being in bed with Nick, the price had proved to be too great. Hearing Nick make excuses, hearing him stammer and flail…it made Greg's heart compress in his chest. Really, it was all too painful. Too humiliating. He felt so needy; he felt so inadequate. If he were more, more anything really, Nick wouldn't be backpedaling so fast. It was crushing. It was demoralizing.

It was so unfortunate.

Mean. 2. To have in mind. Syn.- anticipate, propose, expect, intend.

Nick had never intended to hurt Greg. By pulling away from his friend without a stated reason he knew that's just what he'd done. To be the cause that pinch of sadness, that lost, exhausted paler actually made Nick hurt too. He hadn't expected things to turn out like this. He found himself searching for a path out of the mess they found themselves in. It was tough going. He didn't know where to start. He had never felt so conflicted.

He had never been so confused.

Greg appreciated the effort Nick was putting into mending their friendship. It gave him hope. Hope that the gentle intimacy he'd thrived on for so long might one day be his again. Hope that, against all odds, it might be possible to end up in Nick's bed again…without the liquor. It also made him feel like he was going to throw up.

The emotional roller coaster of the last two weeks had Greg feeling at a loss. He had never felt so alone. He was deeply frightened. He was in danger of making things worse, and he felt like he was on public display. "Look at the idiot! He gets his friend drunk, falls into bed with him, then falls in love with him. Let's have a good laugh at his expense!" It wasn't possible to hurt worse than he did now.

He had never been so confused.

Even with the concerted effort of both, their friendship remained strained. Greg longing for more intimacy, Nick longing for the 'incident' (as he'd taken to calling it) to never have occurred. Not that he hadn't kind of enjoyed it (madly, passionately, intensely), but it was obviously been a mistake that could still be the end of the most important relationship he had outside of his own family.

They both wanted their old camaraderie back. They both wanted the prickly-uncomfortable-nearly-ill-will to fade into just a bad memory. They just didn't know how to go about it.

They remained clueless and confused.

Mean. 3. To design for. Syn.-destine for, aim at, set apart.

Nick found at the beginning of the third week 'post incident' that he couldn't take the status quo anymore. It had become painfully clear that they wouldn't be able to go back. Not all the way back to when they were unaware of each other's attraction. Unaware of the intensity of each other's touch (stroking, fondling, caressing. Urgent, so urgent). He had never meant for it to come to this.

Greg woke with the now-familiar headache already in place. The stress was becoming too much. He debated calling Grissom and taking a short leave of absence. The need to explain himself to his boss was the only thing that stayed his hand. He missed Nick. He missed his gentle way. His focus. The snort that always happened with a prolonged laugh. Greg wondered if he'd ever hear that laugh again. He knew there was no going back to the way it was.

The only way out of this was forward. He wanted Nick to move forward with him. He wanted to make a life with him. He had never meant to make any moves; he'd been too frightened of losing what pathetic little he'd had. Greg had never meant for his world to crumble. He was only now discovering that for him, Nick was his world.

Each, unknown to the other, had decided that enough was enough. Each, unknown to other, decided to take action. If they couldn't go back, then they had to grab for the future. It was time to thrust fear aside. Each, unknown to the other, was ready to take the future into his hands, to frame it the way he wanted. To go forward from this day with the other at his side. Neither meant to be denied. Resolutely, they both set out.

"Greg" started Nick. "Nick" began Greg, both speaking over the other.

"I never meant things to come to this…"