>Title: The Meaning of Love
By: Beverly
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Spoilers: none
Summary: Sometimes the words "I love you!" are the hardest to say at all...
Author's notes: This was written for the Lifejournal Slash_100 about Gil Grissom. #067 "Love"

The meaning of love

"I love you."

The first time he had heard those words, they had been meaningless to him, spoken in the heat of the love-making, panted between two kisses with the other man's cock buried deep in his body.

He handn't replied anything. Not because he hadn't felt something for his lover. He HAD. But he hadn't been sure if it really had been love. How should he know? When the first man told him he loved him, he, Gil, was just seventeen. By the first girl he was twenty-two.

He had left her the next day. It wasn't easy for him for he really had liked her. But he hadn't loved her. And he had wanted her to be able to find a man who did.

Over the years he had had lots of experiences. Sometimes only simple one-night-stand's – though he had to learn after the third time that a one-night-stand wasn't always simple – sometimes it even lasted a few weeks.

Being in his late twenties he turned more and more towards the men and finally decided that he was gay. No woman could give him what a man could. It wasn't about being top or bottom. He preferred nothing and loved both. No, it was about the strength, about the hard muscles, about the taste, the smell. He could drown in the discovery of another man's body. So he started to go to the clubs frequented mainly by men.

He enjoyed every single man in his bed. But it was always only about the sex. Never did he say those magic words. And he left whenever his partner said them to him. That had earned him the cruel nickname "gruesom Grissom".

When he was in his late thirties he stopped clubbing, trying to find a matching partner. He had discovered that his work gave him enough satisfaction.

He had also discovered that some...colleagues of his weren't too friendly with gay people. So he stopped dating at all. The risk of getting caught – and beaten – was just too high. And he hadn't found the man who was worth the risk.

Until today.

Until now.

Gil pushes himself up on one elbow and gazes at the man who is lying next to him, sleeping. The dark hair is still tousled from his hands, his dark lashes throw little shadows on his handsome face. His features are relaxed.

He is gorgeous. Inside and outside. Because his lover not only has an amazing package but also a wonderful character. He is kind, friendly, compassionate and so everything he, Gil, is not. Once he said to him, "I'm not like you, Gil," and Gil only had reciprocated "That's good. We don't need another me."

Today he smiles when he remembers his lovers face that day. Stunned, a little insecure, and so kissable. That day he had managed to resist him.

Later he hadn't. And today he's glad about it.

The man suddenly stirs slightly in his sleep as if he can feel that he's being watched. Seconds later he openes his eyes. Beautiful eyes. Dark, almost black. Looking into those eyes can make Gil forget everything. His lover's mouth opens slightly and Gil just has to kiss him...he can't help it. He can feel the lips smile under his kiss. And involuntarily he smiles, too. A hand finds its way to his neck, gently pulls him closer. Another hand strokes his body, feather light caresses that make him shiver. He groans and presses himself closer to the sleepwarm body of the younger man beside him.

And suddenly...suddenly it's so easy.

He looks deeply into those dark eyes, and whispers, "I love you, Nicky."

The smile he gets in return is so bright it could light up the strip for about one week. That's when he finally knows the meaning of love.

The end