Title: …And Other Moments…
Author: Dee
Rating: R
Word Count: 4021
Pairings: Gil and Nick
Characters: Gil Grissom, Nick Stokes and the gang.
Warnings: A bit angsty but mostly fluff. The team aren't the nicest they could be....
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: jayceepat and podga for their invaluable help in the Americanisation of the fic and their insightful comments. I thank high_striker for his wonderful icons. I am indebted to them all. Any errors are mine.
A/N: I've done others like this so it might be classed as an occasional series.
The team were at Bobby’s and Robbie’s wedding.
How odd that Robert, their ballistics man, had met a girl called Roberta – but he had and they’d fallen in love and been married this very day – in a private suite at the Venetian.
There was too much food at the buffet and altogether too much drink and the band was excellent. Just some local guys, but they made a good sound and had everyone up, dancing the night away. The music had slowed down a bit so Catherine, Warrick, Greg and Sara were resting their weary feet around a table out on a balcony. It looked as if they were outdoors, but it was an artificial sky that was overhead - not the real stars and moon.
Nick was leaning on the wall of the balcony overlooking the ‘Grand Canal’, lost in thought. Just four weeks ago this very night he and Gil had flung open the doors of their closet and declared their love to their colleagues….friends. ‘Friends’?
Nick and Gil had just celebrated their second anniversary together and decided that they’d had enough of ‘discretion’ and ‘low profile’. Theirs was a long term relationship and as far as both were concerned this was ‘it’ – they were together forever. Corny it may be, but it was the truth. So they’d planned a little barbeque at Gil’s townhouse and their shift, plus a few, were invited. That was the start of the hullabaloo.
No one, in living memory, had ever been invited to a party at Gil’s. Gil had invited the guests, although Nick was the party planner, so no one was any the wiser about their impending announcement. But there was a buzz about the lab for the ten or so days that they had to ruminate on their invitations. Nick had been roped into more than one discussion about Gil’s sudden conversion to socialising. The general consensus was that he’d been abducted by aliens, replaced by a pod person and intended to abduct them all for the benefit of his alien species.
It was funny…and it wasn’t. The ever more inventive scenarios about the irrational (for Gil) behaviour were amusing but Nick began to tire of them because the Gil he knew, the Gil he loved, was very far removed from the persona of ‘Gris’ at the lab. Perhaps he was a ‘pod person’ after all – but at the lab, not in private.
When people had started arriving at Gil’s home it wasn’t particularly noticed that Nick was already there, but Gil had said that Nick was the ‘chief cook and bottle washer’, when asked who was cooking. It had been a success – plenty of drink usually ensured that and Nick was no mean artist when it came to barbeque food – he was Texas born and bred, after all.
Gil had waited until everyone had had their fill and were happy and mellow when he called everyone into the yard. “I have an announcement to make and thought it more appropriate to do it out of work than in the glare of the lab.”
Catherine thought, ‘He’s retiring.’
Sara thought, ‘Oh God.’
Greg thought, ‘Sara’s going to faint, whatever it is.’
Warrick thought, ‘This is serious.’
Jim thought, ‘It’s about time, I wonder if I should tell ’em about me and Sofe.’ Jim was Gil’s oldest friend and had known about Nick for eighteen months.
Sofia thought, ‘I really like Gil and he’s so good with Nicky, I think Jim wants to let our cat out of the bag now.’
The remainder of the guests wondered who’d win the money for the ‘Reason for Gil’s BBQ’, there was more than a couple of hundred bucks hanging on it.
Gil continued. “For some time – two years and three weeks to be exact – I’ve been involved in a relationship….” There was collective eyebrow raising. “…..and we’ve sort of arrived at a time when we both know that this is it, this is for keeps ……we all work together so I…we, wanted to tell you.....oh, and I told Ecklie and the sheriff earlier in the week so I’ve squared that up too…so thank you for coming today and here’s to your good health!” Gil finished and held his beer bottle up to the gathering.
There was a stunned silence and then Jim cleared his throat and said, “You may want to tell them who it is Gil.”
Gil looked amazed at Jim and as realisation hit him he broke into a huge grin and started laughing. “It’d help wouldn’t it…...?”
Catherine thought. ‘Well I never, TWO years, but who the devil is it…..it can’t possibly be Sara…can it?
Sara thought. ‘He’s not….he can’t be…..who?’
Greg thought, ‘Sara’s definitely going to faint now, whoever it is, it’s not her.’
Warrick thought. ‘Wow, way to go Gil!”
Before Gil could continue, Nick, who’d been leaning on a post about four feet from Gil stepped forward and said, “Actually, it’s me.” And he moved to stand beside Gil.
If anyone had doubted for a moment that what he’d said was not true, or some sort of joke then the sight before them dispelled any doubt.
They weren’t touching but they were turned just a little towards one another and looking at each, making eye contact, and with smiles on their faces. Smiles that lit up their faces and spoke more than words that these two people, these two men, were not only together but were TOGETHER. It was blindingly obvious to their trained eyes!
Catherine thought, ‘How did I miss this, hell, how did anyone miss this.’
Sara thought, ‘NO, NO IT CAN’T BE, WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME? WHY? OH, WHY?’
Greg thought, ‘I think I’d better stand behind Sara I’m sure she’s going to do something.’
Warrick thought, ‘Jesus H Christ, he’s GAY’ and then, ‘AND Nick.’
The rest of them were inwardly groaning, there wasn’t one suggestion that came even remotely anywhere near this revelation - the pot was obsolete.
Jim and Sofia crowded Gil and Nick a bit after a few moments. They’d both simultaneously decided that there was less acceptance and more disbelief than certainly Gil had expected. Although Jim thought Nick was fairly realistic in his expectations. Gil still tended to believe that if he said something, anything really, his staff – his team – would accept it and get on. A few eye rolls and business as usual. Gil completely accepted other people and their peccadilloes and found it almost impossible to think that people he’d trained would not do the same with an ‘each to their own’, sort of mentality.
Gil failed to understand that while he’d been bisexual for all his adult life, no one actually knew because he’d hadn’t told anyone, but it wasn’t a secret – if anyone had ever asked him the question he’d have replied truthfully, without hesitation.
Nick on the other hand had spent years firmly locked in a gay closet. Despite his ‘ladies man’ reputation he’d only ever dated women and very, very, rarely slept with them. He’d had a lot of dates though – hence the reputation. But his upbringing in a homophobic family had cause him to be ultra cautious. His main reason for moving to Las Vegas was to open the closet door and see what happened.
But, nothing had happened since his own cautiousness had still held him back. For a man so handsome and available to woman and (especially) men he’d been too entrenched in his Texas induced isolation to do much about it.
The weird thing was that it had been a male stalker that had finally unlocked the door and let him out, or, more accurately, Gil Grissom in. Gil had offered him a bed for a night or two while his condo was repaired following Nigel Crane’s appearance through his ceiling. He couldn’t go back to that condo so Gil had invited him to stay with him while he sold it and looked for a new one. Unbeknown to anyone at the lab they’d started out by becoming really good friends, just by accident – Gil had never had anyone stay for more than a few days and nights but it was over nine weeks before Nick was ready to leave.
On the day that he was packed and ready to go he’d plucked up the courage to tell Gil that he’d enjoyed staying with him more than he could ever have imagined he would and that leaving to be on his own again would be one of the most difficult things he’d have to do.
“Then don’t go.” Gil had said and followed up with a kiss to Nick’s lips. Nick hadn’t responded - he was in too much shock. Gil had immediately apologised and said that he’d totally misread the situation and hoped that Nick would be able to forgive him and hopefully forget. He hadn’t wanted to hurt what had become a wonderful friendship and now bitterly regretted his foolish action.
Nick had been completely unable to speak and must have looked shocked. Gil got him a glass of water and actually looked anguished. In truth Nick had always revered Gil and his bottomless pit of knowledge and had always wanted to be counted as his friend, but had never thought that Gil had been particularly enamoured of him. It was a complete surprise when Gil had taken him home when he was too shocked to think straight after the Nigel Crane incident.
He’d been even more shocked when Gil had insisted he stay while looking for a new property and it was in those weeks that they had become, what Nick believed was close friends. He had absolutely no clue about Gil’s sexual orientation but during those weeks he’d gradually started to imagine more with Gil. It had steadily progressed to jacking off in the shower, imagining Gil on his knees in front of him, or pressed up behind him.
It had been these thoughts that had given Nick just the courage he needed to say his little speech to Gil and that had resulted in an invitation to stay and then….THE KISS.
Nick had been suddenly aware of Gil speaking to him, asking him if he was okay and apologising. Nick had seen the glass of water in his hand and wondered where on earth it had come from and then had thought, ’he thinks I’m shocked because he kissed me and it was terrible and it’s really because I’m shocked because it was the most fabulous thing that has ever happened to me.’
He’d put the glass on the counter, pulled himself up straight (ha!) and grabbed Gil’s shoulders and kissed him back, a million fold……the rest, as they say, is history.
So the announcement had been made and they stood talking and laughing with Jim and Sofia. Catherine was the first to gather her wits about her and joined the foursome.
“I have no idea how you two kept that secret for so long…you sly pair. Did you just stay in and watch TV all the time?” Her tone was somewhere between friendly, sarcastic and peeved. She’d realised that Jim AND Sofia knew about them and was feeling particularly hurt and jealous at her exclusion.
“Catherine; of course we didn’t. We were discreet, I’ll give you that, but we’ve done loads of ‘normal’ things in and around Las Vegas. Actually we’d been expecting to be outed far sooner – but……” Gil tapered off as he felt Nick’s hand rubbing his back – a sure sign that there was more going on than he’d thought.
“It was luck, Catherine, but it was also a sensible decision given that not everyone in LVPD is open minded and accepting about same sex relationships.” Nick’s tone surprised Catherine and in retrospect Nick thought he’d been the one to start the animosity off with just that one sentence.
Catherine’s look had been telling. She didn’t like being lumped in with the rednecks and thought she’d been deliberately excluded in favour of Jim (well okay, he’s a longstanding friend) and Sofia, who’d been far too friendly with Gil and had obviously usurped her position. But, was it that ‘her Nicky’ was actually far more astute than she, or anyone else as far as she knew, had given him credit for. He’d captured ‘the prize’ after all.
Warrick ambled over and joined them before another word was spoken. “Threw me a loop man, never even suspected.” But he put his fist up and ‘knuckled’ Nick; then put out his hand to Gil, who took it and shook hands. Neither of the men spoke but both smiled at Warrick in telling ‘thank you’ looks.
Greg had indeed needed to help Sara – while she didn’t appear to be faint or murderous she did need to be pointed in the direction of the house and subsequently her truck parked out front. Greg told her stay put and quickly went back to the hosts of the party.
“You pair of queens, fancy keeping that secret all this time…” and then he said something that nearly everyone in the yard had thought at some time in the last few minutes but no one had had the guts to say. “…you’d have thought that one of these fancy CSIs might have picked up a clue or two along the way. But hey, congratulations and I hope it’s the real McCoy for you guys…gotta go…Sara…..” Greg raised his eyebrows and Nick knew, absolutely, what he was conveying with that look!
The party fizzled out, most people did seem quite accepting and Gil thought they would not encounter any particular problems. Nick was far less convinced, especially with Catherine, she was a physically small woman but she was a firebrand and she carried a lot of weight in the labs, probably second to Gil in the work field; but second to none in relation to the political agenda.
The next shift the two men behaved in their normal fashion – if no one had been told about them – no one would (still not) know. But there was an undeniable undercurrent and as Nick had suspected Catherine was at the forefront closely followed by Sara – which he had expected since she was hopelessly in love with Gil – who truthfully had never given her a moment’s encouragement – why would he when he’d been lusting after Nick for longer than Sara had been at the lab?
Warrick’s initial acceptance seemed have turned to discomfort for whatever reason and his and Nick’s easy going friendship was feeling strained. Nick tried to broach the subject with him but was met with a polite, ‘don’t know what you mean, I’m fine, man.’
Nick would still have been wondering if he hadn’t seen Catherine in conspiratorial mode with Warrick a couple of times, once he could have put down to his own paranoia but the second time Warrick looked as guilty as he’d ever seen him and Catherine looked smug.
Greg was the only person who was truly just the same as he ever was, only now he teased Nick whenever he could and gave Gil the most ridiculous exaggerated winks when he knew people were watching. Gil was actually quite amused by his antics, but if he sensed Catherine’s hostility he didn’t say anything to Nick – he probably hadn’t - he wouldn’t think Catherine capable of being like that and Nick didn’t want to whine to Gil.
The truth of the matter was for all his love for Gil, and he knew it was reciprocated, he was still frightened of losing him. His inherent fear of being labelled ‘gay’ and then his insecurities about his own self worth gave him more than a few restless nights. Gil had sensed these nights and provided love and support and had never given Nick a moments doubt that he was loved above all others – but, nevertheless, old habits die hard.
The worst moment had been at a scene with Catherine and Sara – had Gil sent him with them on purpose? Nick had, completely accidentally, contaminated a piece of evidence. He’d fallen against a wall and smeared a blood pattern that had not been photographed, he’d been photographing the ground and the actual discarded murder weapon when he’d slipped on oil and blood on the ground.
From the fuss that Catherine had made about it, it was the worst contamination she’d ever seen in her professional life. But what really took the biscuit was her exclamation, “I suppose you’ll expect your lover…oh, sorry, our boss, to smooth over the tracks for you.”
Nick had been so incredulous he’d been struck dumb and just stared at her. He actually thought that she was a bit ashamed of her outburst because she then tried to laugh it of as a joke but that very action was her downfall – compounding her guilt - and they both knew it.
Sara thought it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard, giggling like an overgrown schoolgirl, and totally agreeing with Catherine that. “….he could get away with murder now…..Grissom would get him off!”
Sara was oblivious, but Catherine did know they’d strayed over the mark. When they eventually returned to the lab Nick went to Gil immediately and confessed his ‘crime’. Gil had been bemused – this sort of accident, while not a normal occurrence, did happen and would be correctly catalogued in their report.
Catherine saw the two men together and had immediately assumed that Nick had spoken to Gil about it and was making excuses – which reignited her flame and she went storming into Gil afterwards to tell him about the ridiculous contamination perpetrated by Nick. Her storm sails had been completed deflated by Gil, who’d told her of Nick’s admission of ‘guilt’ and apology and that he would incorporate it in his report.
Her blustering had earned her a reminder of her completely ‘accidental’ identification of a suspect to a victim’s husband - possibly resulting in a death. “We all make mistakes Catherine – every one of us and unfortunately we’ll still make a few despite how hard we try not to – it’s the human condition – we’re fallible.”
Catherine was humiliated at the reminder of her own fallibility – a far more grave error than Nick’s.
And so the shifts continued. Nick never breathed a word of his discomfort and the sadness he felt – but Gil knew that there was something, but always so busy at work he hadn’t quite stumbled across it. Both of them ensured that their own time together out of work was filled with the things they loved, mainly each other, and at least that kept Nick reasonably content.
But it seemed to Nick to be relentless, the more he thought about it the more paranoid he became and, of course, imagined it to be far worse. He tried telling himself it wasn’t life threatening, that they’d eventually tire of the games sooner or later. He tried to apply the childhood ‘playground’ analogy – that they’d find another kid to pick on soon enough, if he kept his head down.
But it was getting harder and as Bobby’s wedding approached he dreaded having to spend leisure time with the people he so recently called ‘friends’ and now thought of as ‘enemies’. ‘God, he was getting dramatic – a regular drama queen’, living the image they’d built for him that was nothing actually like Nick Stokes.
The wedding, as it turned out wasn’t that bad, he avoided the rest of the team and spent time with some cops who’d been invited and with Jim. To deflect from Jim and Sofia’s relationship he’d spent time dancing with Sofia. But they were both out of sorts with their situations, and had actually ended up laughing at the irony of their situations. Pretending they were having a good time together when they would much rather be somewhere else with someone else!
As the music had slowed, Sofia had excused herself for a bathroom break, and Nick had wondered ‘outside’ – the artificial outside reminded Nick of his work life – no longer the real thing but a façade that fooled the world, as he knew it. He leaned over the wall looking at the canal beneath him and remembered the very good times he’d had with Gil over the last couple of years.
Gil saw Nick leaning on the wall and made his way over to him. He didn’t know what was wrong but whatever was bothering Nick had started at the barbeque.
Gil had been waiting for the normally talkative Nick to spill the beans, but he hadn’t done so and Gil was becoming really concerned about him. They’d not had a chance to speak much in the last hours but Gil had kept a close eye on him at all times. Nick looked so sad that Gil suddenly knew he had to be with him.
Gil moved quickly along the balcony to be at his side and placed his hand on the small of his back. “Please tell me what’s wrong Nicky.” Gil spoke quietly to his beautiful lover.
“’S nothing babe.”
“Oh, yes it is, it is something - but you’re doing a fairly good Gilbert Grissom impression.”
That got a smile. “What d’ya mean?”
“Say nothing and hope like hell it goes away!”
“Oh God…I’m…..it’s really stupid man….it’s just a hefty dose of paranoia, is all…..…”
“Come on Nick you know we’re okay….you can tell me anything….anything.” Gil was worried as he said these words, what if it was him, what if he’d caused this pain.
“Well….I think outing us might have been a mistake….I thought, you know, that at least our shift would be okay with it, but……”
“It’s been a bit of shock for them to say the least but they’ll eventually get over it; or we can move if you want.” Gil was actually happy at this revelation, he’d expected far worse.
Nick’s eyebrows nearly met his hairline and he stood up to face Gil. “Move, are you kidding me?” his voice had also ascended a few octaves although he still spoke quietly.
“I’m absolutely serious Nick - if you’re not happy here we can move on…..wherever takes your fancy.”
Nick was incredulous. “The lab is your life Gil, your absolute life!”
Gil laughed, a happy resonant laugh and his eyes seemed to sparkle with happiness and he poked Nick in the middle of his chest with his index finger, in rhythm with his words. “No Nick, the lab is my work and I love my work, but YOU are my love and I will follow you to the ends of the earth if need be!”
Nick was speechless. He looked into the depths of the blue eyes he loved so much and saw the truth of the statement. He laughed now himself and his whole demeanour brightened
“Well, if you’re going to stalk me I guess I might as well stay here and ride out the storm.”
“Whatever you want Nick, I’ll do whatever you want.”
All of a sudden Nick felt incredibly powerful, that he had such influence over this man but almost as quickly as it came, that feeling evaporated, and he felt so completely loved and cared for that he could have cried. He caught his breath and cleared his throat; his eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
“I love you Gil and I’ve never felt so loved and cared for… and….safe in my life. Thank you.”
Gil leaned a little closer and whispered. “You’re welcome my love, very welcome.”
Their four team mates had all witnessed this short scene without hearing the actual words.
Catherine thought. ‘I’ve probably been a bit of a bitch these last weeks and they don’t deserve it’.
Sara thought. ‘Oh God, it’s unbearable…..but I suppose it could be worse, it could have been another woman.”
Greg thought, ‘I wonder if Sara will ever get over him and give me a chance.’
Warrick thought. ‘I wonder if they’ll get married, if Nick asked I could be his best man…does a gay man have a ‘best man? ’
The End
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