Title: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
Author: Mara
Pairing: Warrick/Jim
Rating: FRAO
Summary: Warrick is having a hard time coping with a difficult case.
Category: H/C, Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. All are owned by Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS. No copyright infringements are intended.
Warnings: Abuse and the murder of a child involved.

Brass had called Gil ahead of time to let him know the scene was bad. It was a horrific case of child abuse and Jim wanted to make sure the team was prepared. He gave Gil all the gory details on the phone and Gil felt sick to his stomach. He hadn't even witnessed it yet, first hand. He had made the decision to take Sara and Warrick with him before Brass had called him. Now, he was regretting that decision. Sara wasn't the problem. He knew she could handle it, but he wasn't to sure about Warrick. He'd been under a lot of stress recently. He had snapped at almost everyone on the team, including him. Three days earlier, Warrick had informed everyone that his marriage was over. Tina had thrown him out and he was temporarily staying with Nick. Warrick would now have to deal with the crime scene of a murdered child and Gil was nervous, to say the least.

Brass met Gil, Sara and Warrick outside the apartment complex. The neighbors had reported screams from an apartment on the ground floor. By the time the police arrived it was too late. A six year old girl was dead. As they entered the apartment, Gil's tension mounted. They made their way down the hall to the child's bedroom, and once inside, Gil's tension skyrocketed. The little blond girl was covered in blood and even from where Gil stood, he could tell that she'd been assaulted. Gil turned to Brass, with a rage burning in his eyes and asked, "Do we know who did this?"

Brass replied, with no less amount of rage, "We've got her stepfather in custody and believe me, this sick son of a bitch is going down. You can take that to the bank - if I have to take him down myself."

Gil merely nodded and turned his attention to Sara, who had already begun collecting evidence. Gil opened his own kit, but stopped to venture a look back over his shoulder. Warrick hadn't moved and he didn't look like he had any intentions of moving. Gil turned toward him and keeping his tone even said, "Warrick, I need you to start printing, now."

Gil didn't get any response, So, he tried again - a bit louder this time.

"WARRICK!"

That did it. It snapped Warrick out of it long enough for him to flee the apartment at a record breaking pace.

Gil sat his kit down and followed Warrick out of the apartment. He wasn't in the mood for this. What ever problems Warrick was having, he couldn't let it interfere with his job. Gil had a crime scene that needed processing and by God, Warrick was going to process it. Catherine, Greg and Nick were already out on another case and he had no one to call.

Warrick was sitting on the steps, hurling his lunch into the bushes when Gil came up behind him. "Warrick, I know the scene is bad, but I need you in there. Right now!"

"Sorry, Gris. I… I just can't. I feel sick."

"I feel sick too, Warrick, but we've all got a job to do. Now, get up and get back in there. Please? I don't want to have to write you up."

Warrick looked up and gave Gil a death glare from hell, but nodded and started to rise. Just then, Jim came to his rescue.

"Damn it, Gil! Can't you see he's sick?"

"Stay out of this, Jim. I need him. We've got to get the scene processed."

"And you'll get it processed. Give me a minute with Rick and then I'll send him back in. You've got all night. I just need a minute."

"Jim, I…"

"I'm not asking, Gil. Go back inside, NOW!"

"All right, but he better be back in there soon." Gil stated, as he walked away in a huff.

Warrick sat back down on the steps heavily. However, he did manage to groan out a, "Thanks."

"No problem." Jim replied, as he sat down on the step next to Rick. Jim had the violent urge to hold him, but he figured he'd better not. So, he settled for laying a hopefully, calming hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's gonna be ok. I know it's hard. This is the worst case I've seen in a while. I almost hurled too. Just sit here for a minute and clear your head."

"I can't sit here too long. I really pissed Gris off."

"Oh, well. He'll get over it. Anyway, Gil's stressed too and he'll come to his senses, eventually and realize he overreacted. Tell ya what, why don't you come over to my place after shift. I'll fix you something to eat, give you a stiff shot of bourbon, and we can talk awhile."

"I appreciate that, Jim. But, you don't have to do that."

"I want to. Please? You really need to relax a little. Whatcha say?"

"Ok. I'll come over, but just for a little while. Thanks, Jim."

"Hey, anytime. Just, when you're in there - try not to think about it. I promise - You'll get through it."

"Yeah. I guess I'd better get back before Gris comes out here again. I'll see you after shift."

"I'll be looking forward to it." Jim said smiling as he walked away.

Warrick did manage to get through the rest of the night. It was rough going for a while, but he pulled it together. Jim had been right about Gil. After, a couple of hours, Gil came up to him and apologized. He said he was sorry for reacting the way he did and that it was just the stress of the case. So, all was forgiven.

******

After shift, Warrick showered and changed in the locker room. He didn't want to bother going home. This way, he could go straight to Jim's. He was kind of looking forward to it. Over the last couple of years, Warrick had developed an attraction to Jim, but he'd never done anything about it. He thought maybe this was the time, but he wasn't sure. Jim was probably just trying to be a friend and help him get through a difficult period.

As he got in his Tahoe, he placed a call to Jim. He wanted to make sure Jim still wanted him to come over. Jim told him he'd start breakfast as soon as he arrived. Warrick didn't want to put him out, but Jim insisted.

About twenty minutes later, Warrick arrived at Jim's and was relaxing on the sofa, while Jim cooked breakfast. He'd given Warrick a shot of bourbon, as promised and Warrick asked if bourbon went well with eggs. Jim said that bourbon went well with everything, making Warrick laugh. He loved Jim's sense of humor. He could always manage to make him smile. Warrick offered to help, but Jim refused. He told him to stay on the sofa and relax. Jim put some music on the stereo and went back to cooking breakfast.

Jim made scrambled eggs, ham and home fries. It was really good and Warrick complimented him on it.

"I didn't know you could cook, man. This was great."

"I've lived alone along time, Rick. I had to learn to fend for myself. I couldn't afford to eat out everyday."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I was a bachelor a long time. I was lucky, my grams taught me how to cook."

"So, you can cook too, huh?"

"Uh huh, and some day I'll return the favor."

"Can't wait. Tell me, how are things with Tina?"

"The same as they were three days ago. She wants a divorce."

"You're not going to try and reconcile?"

"No. I think we're both better off apart. She doesn't understand me."

"And how many times have a heard that line. I said the same thing when my wife left me. Honestly though, will they ever understand us?"

"As if." Warrick replied with a smirk.

After breakfast, Jim cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher, then he and Warrick moved to the living room. Jim poured Rick another bourbon and sat down next to him on the couch.

"I'm not sure I should drink this. I won't be able to drive home."

"You could always spend the night here. I've got plenty of room."

"Hmm -- are you trying to get me drunk?" Warrick jokingly asked.

"Well, no… I'd really prefer you coherent."

"Coherent, for what?" Warrick asked.

The room was starting to get really warm, or maybe it was the bourbon. Warrick got the feeling that things were about to get a whole lot more interesting. Jim was looking at him and his gaze was intense. Jim slid a little closer to him and began stroking his arm lightly. Jim looked into his eyes and asked, "May I kiss you?"

All Warrick could do was nod because his heart had jumped into his throat. Jim leaned in and barley skimmed his lips over Rick's. He gently ran his tongue across Rick's bottom lip, causing Warrick to open him mouth. Jim pulled Rick closer and entered Rick's warm mouth with his tongue. He did a through exploration of Rick‘s mouth. All the while, being explored in return. Rick was breathing heavily and oxygen deprivation was imminent. Jim finally pulled back and looked into Rick's hungry eyes. "Do you want to go to bed with me, Rick?"

"Yes, I do." Warrick answered, breathlessly."

Jim smiled and took Rick by the hand. He guided him down the hall and toward the bedroom. Rick was nervous. He hadn't been with a man in years, but he really wanted to make love with Jim. Rick removed his shoes and scooted up on the bed. Jim took off his shoes and laid down beside him. Jim began, slowly unbuttoning Warrick's shirt and when he reached skin, he ran his hand lightly over Rick's chest. He paused at a hard nipple and just danced over it with his thumb. Rick moaned low and sweet. The sound shot straight to Jim's groin. Jim sat up and straddled Rick's hips. He unbuttoned Warrick's jeans and slid the zipper down in a all too teasing manner. Rick was on fire and getting hotter by the second. He shrugged off his shirt and then helped Jim pull his t-shirt over his head. Warrick grabbed hold of Jim's pants and popped the button. Then, he slid the zipper down in the same slow, teasing manner.

Jim grabbed Rick by the shoulders and plundered his mouth, pushing him backwards onto the bed and sprawling full out on top of him. When the kiss ended, both Jim and Warrick were gasping for breath. Jim began to divest Warrick of his pants, and as soon as he hand them off, he shoved his hand into his boxers and grabbed hold of Rick's cock. Warrick moaned at the contact and bucked a little into Jim's hand. Jim just chuckled and used his other hand to pull of the offending boxers. Jim hastily removed his pants and boxers, haphazardly throwing them to the floor.

Jim nibbled and kissed his way down Rick's throat to his collarbone and along his chest. He ran his tongue over one nipple before engulfing it in his mouth. He smiled as he felt Rick's oversensitive nerves cause him to arch up into the touch. He turned to the other nipple, enjoying the way Rick moved against him. His moans filled the air, causing Jim's already erect cock to jump in anticipation.

Warrick pulled at Jim, bringing his body back over his own. The weight comforted him as he kissed Jim. Jim groaned and reached into the night stand to grab a bottle of lube. He coated his fingers and gently inserted them into Rick. After spending a few minutes preparing Warrick, Jim coated himself with a lot of the lube and laid down on his side in back of Rick. He slowly entered him, sensing that this was not the first time for either of them. When he was fully inside Rick, he stopped, panting. He had to wait a few seconds. Rick was so tight and silky. Jim began to rock against Rick, thrusting in and out of him with gaining speed. Jim nuzzled the back of Rick's neck as their moans filled the air. Rick pushed back against Jim, pleasure scathing along his spine. Jim's hand came around Rick's body to grasp the aching cock, already weeping with pre-cum. Warrick moaned, bending one arm back to grasp Jim's short hair as the older man nibbled on his neck. They were both reaching their climaxes before either wanted it to end. Rick came with a scream, clenching tightly around his cock , and dragging Jim down with him.

Jim pulled out of Rick and collapsed behind him, both were gasping for breath as they came down from their mutual high.

After a few minutes, Jim got up and went into the bathroom. He brought back a warm wash cloth and cleaned Rick up with it. Then he crawled back into bed and snuggled close to Warrick. Finally, Warrick broke the silence that had ensued.

"That was amazing."

"Yeah." Jim mumbled sleepily.

"You're tired. I should probably go."

"You're tired, too. Stay the night and get some sleep. Ok?"

"Ok, if you're sure."

Jim mumbled, "I'm sure." Before he fell into a deep sleep.

When Warrick awoke the next afternoon, he was confused. He seemed to be in a strange bed. Then he remembered why he was in a strange bed. He and Jim had made love and this made him smile. Jim had been wonderful, loving and passionate. It was all so perfect! Warrick rolled over to spoon up behind his new lover, but no one was there. Warrick rubbed sleep from his eyes and looked around. There was no sign of Jim. As he glanced toward the night stand, his eyes fell on a note. He reached over, picked it up and read what it said:

"I got called out on a case. I'll see you tonight at work. Make sure you lock the door when you leave.

Jim"

Warrick blinked and read it again. He was a little surprised. Jim didn't say he'd had a good time, or let's do it again - nothing. Just, make sure you lock the door when you leave. Of course, Warrick realized that Jim probably wasn't the hearts and flowers type, and he did say he'd see him tonight. So, Warrick let it go at that. He did make sure he locked the door, though, before he left.

Once back at Nick‘s place, Warrick showered, changed and fixed himself something to eat. Nick must have gotten up earlier, because Warrick had the place to himself. He was reliving his sexual encounter with Jim, when his cell phone rang. Warrick hoped it might be Jim.

"Warrick Brown."

"What's up, bro?"

"Oh, hey_ Nick, it's you."

"Were you expecting someone else?"

"Ah… no."

"Something wrong. You sound a little down. Have you and Tina been fighting again? You didn't come home this morning. I started to worry.

"No, were not fighting. I haven't even seen her, and I'm fine. What did ya want, anyway?"

"Well, I thought maybe you'd like to grab some dinner with me before we head into work? You're not going to tell me where you were?"

"No, Nick. Thanks for the invite, bro, but I already ate."

"All right, be that way, but you can still come and watch me eat."

"Ah, not tonight, Nick. I didn't sleep too well last night. I think I'll just zone out here until it's time to go in."

"Well, if that's what you want. Hey, I 'm not trying to be nosy, but are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes, Mom. I'm fine." Warrick laughed. "I'll see ya at work."

"Yeah, ok, later."

******

The routine at work was hopping, and Warrick never did get a chance to see Jim. Warrick just happened to pass him in the hallway as he was leaving the building.

"Hey, Jim." Warrick called.

"Hey, Rick."

"I haven't seen you tonight. Things pretty busy, huh?"

"Yeah. I've been at it since one o'clock yesterday."

"Are you done now?" I was gonna see if you wanted to go get some breakfast with me?"

"Thanks, but I can't. I've got a breakfast engagement with Captain Stone."

"Sheila Stone, from the fourth precinct?"

"That's her."

"Oh, well… ok. Have a good time."

"Thanks. I'll see ya tomorrow night, Rick." Jim said, as he turned and headed toward his office.

"Sure. See ya tomorrow."

Warrick felt like someone had just hit him in the chest with a hammer. He could almost imagine that he'd dreamed the whole affair with Jim. He would've too, if he hadn't been sore in certain places. Jim was certainly being casual about it. It was like it never happened, and now he had a date with a female police captain. Warrick never thought that he'd end up a one night stand for Jim Brass, but that's exactly what it looked like, from where Warrick was standing.

When Warrick got back to Nick's, he really wasn't in the mood for conversation. Nick was prattling on about something, but Warrick wasn't listening. Oh, yeah, Nick was trying to get him to eat something. That was it.

"Im not hungry, Nick. I'm going to bed."

"Damn. What's wrong with you, man?"

"Nothin. I'm just exhausted. I need sleep right now - a lot more than I need food."

Warrick walked off, slammed the bedroom door and didn't come back out until it was time for the start of his next shift. He didn't eat anything and he certainly didn't sleep. Nick was becoming worried. He figured it must have something to do with Tina. That was the only reasonable explanation for Warrick's behavior.

******

One week later, Warrick was sitting by himself in the lounge, when Jim walked in. He hadn't seen much of Jim in the past week. He was always too busy. Warrick had pretty much resigned himself to the fact that Jim wasn't interested in a repeat performance. So, he just acted casual, when Jim approached him."

"Hey, Rick - haven't seen much of you recently."

"Nah. You've been really busy."

"Yeah, things have been hectic. I've been looking for you."

"Why?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come over for a drink, or something?"

"You want me to come over?" Warrick asked, surprised.

"Yeah. That is, if you don't have other plans this morning?"

"No, I don't have any other plans. I was just gonna go and crash at Nick's. Are you sure you want me to come over?"

"Of course. I asked, didn't I?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Ok. I'll come over for a little while."

"Good. I'll meet you out in the parking lot. You can follow me."

"Ok." Warrick said as he got up and followed Jim out of the lounge.

"I just gotta grab something off my desk. Be out there in a sec."

"I'll wait for you in my truck." Warrick said smiling. Maybe Jim did want a relationship with him, after all, and not just a one night stand, Warrick thought.

So, Warrick followed Jim home and when they got inside it was a race to see who could get their clothes off first. Warrick wasn't sure they were even going to make it to the bedroom, but they did get there eventually. Jim was hot for him. His hands were all over him and inside him. It was the wildest fuck Warrick had ever had. When it was over he was completely spent and every muscle in his body ached. He didn't mind, though. It had been worth it. Jim was an amazing lover, and Warrick loved the feel of Jim inside him. He rolled over and gently nuzzled Jim's neck. Jim just grumbled something about trying to sleep and turned his back to him. Warrick laid there a few more minutes, before nudging Jim awake. "What?"

"I'm gonna go now. Last time, Nick got worried when I didn't come home."

"Ok." ‘zzzzzzzzz'

"Right. See ya."

Warrick got dressed and left his snoring lover to his dreams. He did, however make sure he locked the door on his way out.

When he got back to Nick's, it was about eleven A.M. and Nick was watching the tube on the living room sofa.

"I thought you'd be asleep?"

"Nope -- not really tired yet, but I'm getting there. I thought you'd be in sooner. Hot date?"

"Yeah, right. More like a cold one."

"You ok?"

"I'm fine, Nick. I'm going to bed."

"You want me to make you some breakfast?"

"No, thanks. I'm not hungry."

"Yes, I know. Just tired. I've heard it before."

"I'm fine, Nick. So -- don't start. I'll see you when I get up."

"Whatever you say."

Something was definitely up with Rick. Nick still thought it had to do with Tina. He thought that maybe they were seeing each other, and it kept ending up in a fight. That… would explain, his friend's lack of an appetite. Warrick only stopped eating when he was depressed or in love, and Nick wasn't sure what the case was, yet. Maybe both.

******

Four months later, Warrick and Jim had developed a routine. Once a week, Jim would take Warrick home, fuck his brains out and then ignore him until the next time he wanted sex. They didn't go out. They didn't spend time together and they rarely talked. They absolutely *NEVER* talked about their affair. Warrick had tried on one occasion to get Jim to talk about it, but it didn't go well. That time Jim waited two weeks before taking Warrick home again. So, after that, Warrick never tried to get Jim to open up about his feelings. He asked Jim, several times, to go places with him, but Jim always had an excuse. Finally, Warrick stopped asking. After awhile, Warrick came to the realization, that he was nothing more that a fuck toy that Jim played with once a week.

Nick had, had just about enough of Warrick's pissy mood. He wasn't eating right. He wasn't sleeping well and he was rotten company. This shit had been going on now for four months. So, one night after a particularly long shift, Nick got snapped at just one too many times and he lost it. He went off in the locker room and almost pummeled his best friend. It's a good thing the locker room was deserted.

"WHAT -- THE -- FUCK… is wrong with you, man!" Nick shouted in a blind rage. "You have no idea how bad I want to knock the shit out of you right now! I've been putting up with this crap for four months now and it's gonna stop! It's gonna stop right here! You're gonna tell me what's going on, or you pack your stuff and get the hell out of my house! So, what's it gonna be?"

Through his entire tirade, Warrick had kept his eyes downcast. When he did look up at Nick, he was close to tears. All he could stutter out was, "S.. sorry, Nick."

This really wasn't what Nick wanted and he calmed down immediately. Something was dreadfully wrong. He sat down on the bench next to his friend and grabbed him by the arm. "Look at me, man. Please, tell me what's going on? God… y.. you've got me really scared right now. Please, Rick?" Nick implored.

"I'm afraid to tell you, Nick. You're gonna yell at me, or think I'm stupid for getting myself into a mess like this. Worst yet, you might not want to be friends with me anymore." Nick thought that Warrick really did look scared and he began thinking the worst."

"God, man -- you didn't kill anybody, did ya?"

"Don't be stupid, Nick. If I was gonna kill somebody, it'd be myself, not someone else."

"That's not funny, man. Come on. What's wrong?"

Warrick looked ready to make a run for the door, but Nick wasn't about to let him. He squeezed his arm tighter. "Please, Rick? I will never stop being your friend, no matter what."

"Ok, but you're gonna yell and you're definitely gonna think I'm an idiot."

"I will not. So, lets have it."

"I've been seeing someone."

"I kinda figured that. So, what's the problem?"

"Well, I think this person is just in it for the sex. We don't have much of a relationship, beyond the physical side of it."

"I still don't see the problem. Just break up with her. How hard can it be? Unless, you're hopelessly in love with her, but even still, time will heal."

"Nick, it's not a she. It's Jim Brass."

Dead silence filled the air as Nick stared at his best friend.

"Nick, did you here me?"

"I heard you, but I don't believe you. That's not possible. You're not gay."

"Actually, I'm bi, but that really doesn't matter because I'm in love with him. I want a real relationship with him, but that's not what he wants. He takes me home with him once a week. We fuck, and then I go back to your place. We never talk about it. We never go anywhere and the only time we've ever had a meal together is the first time we got together. He cooked for me that night and let me stay over. Ever since, it's been just sex. I can't take it anymore, Nick. What am I going to do?"

"Jesus! I can't believe he's treating you this way. Have you tried talking to him? Have you even told him how you feel?"

"I've tried, Nick. I really have, but it's no use. He just shuts me out or stops talking to me. I can't tell him I love him -- not with our relationship the way it is. I just can't."

"You're right, and don't. I'd really love to knock some sense into him."

"No, Nick. This is not your problem. It's mine."

"Well, it still pisses me off! You can't go on like this. Please, break it off with him, for your own peace of mind. You'll get over it in time and you can stay with me as long as you want. I'll help you get through it."

"Thanks, Nick."

"Don't thank me. Just do it and do it soon. Make a clean break and then we can pick up the pieces. I promise, I'll be there for you."

"You're right. I'll do it. I know it's gonna be hard, but I really don't have any other choice."

"No, you don't!"

******

One week later, just like clock work, Jim went looking for his weekly fuck. The hunter found it's prey in the locker room getting ready to go home.

"Hey, Rick. I've been looking all over for you. Come over to my place when you're finished here. Ok?"

"No, Jim."

"What? You got something else planned? That's ok. How about tomorrow?"

"Not now, not tomorrow, not ever."

"What's the problem, Rick?"

"There's no problem. I just don't want to do this anymore. I'm sorry, but I'm not coming over again."

"Found something better?"

"No. I'm not seeing anyone else, but then again I'm not seeing you either. Look, I've enjoyed being with you, but we really don't belong together. So, I don't want to sleep with you again." Warrick stated with a note of finality.

"Well, if that's how you really feel."

"It is."

"Ok, then. I guess I'll see ya around. Take it easy."

"Yeah, you too. I'll see ya."

Warrick's heart sank, as he watched Jim leave the locker room, without even a backwards glance.

The End