Title: Love's Labour Not Found
By: mickeylover303
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG
Warning: This is crack and not meant to be taken seriously at all. It was a fic bunny I had in response to all the various opinions concerning mpreg, so I thought I may as well get on that bandwagon and jump off the bridge while I'm at it. In my own speshul way...because I'm not doing this again.
Words: 1164
Summary: Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye...or gets pregnant.

***

Greg knew it was impossible.

 

The matter never should have been up for the debate, much less been comparable in his mind for the sole fact that males didn’t have the necessary...parts. And to the best of Greg’s knowledge, which he currently found himself questioning, Greg was sure he was born sans uterus and anything else warranting taking more than just his personality from his mom.

 

At first, Greg thought it was age and his metabolism finally catching up with him or maybe Nick snuck over to his apartment and switched Greg’s mirrors when he wasn’t looking. Lack of sleep would have been much easier to accept. Really, anything else would have been easier to accept.

 

But five months and four positive pregnancy tests later (including three weeks of eating strawberries, pickles, and croutons in his peach yogurt) brought Greg to the impossible conclusion that he was in fact pregnant.

 

Other than the slightly off-putting, or if Greg wasn’t kidding himself, downright weird cravings, the only tell-tale sign was his clothes: the shirts and pants that were suddenly fitting well and even becoming a little too tight. Sometimes there was a sharp pain in his lower back, too; possibly coupled with an occasional wobble in his walk that for once he couldn’t blame on Nick.

 

And then there was his ever expanding stomach that made Greg wish he drank enough beer to actually call it a beer belly.

 

Of course, science being an expansive field and Greg being an avid follower of said field, it didn’t necessarily mean Greg was pregnant. Apart from going to the hospital, which, despite his condition, Greg wasn’t going to risk for the sake of his sanity, late nights hunched over his computer reading about pregnancy and any other maladies that he couldn’t find to fit the bill didn’t make it conclusive.

 

No, it was the series of little jolts that convinced him, the small kicks that came from inside his stomach when Sara poked him for the third time.

 

“Sara...”

 

“...yes, Greg,” she answered absently.

 

“Would you please stop petting it...please?”

 

“I think it’s a girl.”

 

Catherine shook her head. “I’m telling you, it’s a boy.”

 

Greg, using more force on part of Sara’s reluctance, pushed her hand away, pulling his shirt down as he moved to the other side of the couch.

 

“Am I the only one who thinks – I don’t know – that something’s wrong with this picture?” he asked, voice beginning to border on hysterical.

 

Granted, if he hadn’t been talking to himself in the break room, the other occupants would have been none the wiser. Initially, he tried to pass it off as a slip of the tongue, something he’d said jokingly. Except they took his outburst seriously, and he hadn’t expected them to take the information so...well.

 

Grissom straightened his glasses. “I think it’s fascinating, really. And I’m curious to see–”

 

“Grissom,” Greg interrupted.

 

Slightly tilting his head to the side, Grissom looked at Greg curiously. “Hmm?”

 

“You can stop talking now.”

 

“Actually,” Warrick began, crossing his arms as he leaned against the wall. “I think the real problem is what Nick’s going to think.”

 

Greg groaned, covering his face in his hands as he leaned into his knees. He was sorely tempted to push Catherine away when he felt her hand rubbing circles on his back. The gesture wasn’t as calming as she probably thought it was.

 

“Ah, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Greg,” she said, and Greg could imagine the scrunched smile on her face. “Nick’s always been good with–”

 

“I’ve always been good with what?”

 

Greg felt his shoulders begin to shake when he heard Nick come into the room. He couldn’t decide rather to laugh or cry when Sara tried to ease Nick into the conversation.

 

“You see, Nick, when a man and a woman – or in your case, a man and another man… ”

 

**

 

Greg shot up from the bed with a gasp, falling off in the process and landing on the floor with a loud thud.

 

He heard Nick calling his name, voice frantic as the other man turned on the lamp on the nightstand.   Sitting up from floor, Greg blinked owlishly as Nick cupped his face. He felt thumbs pressing softly into his cheeks as he stared into Nick’s panicked gaze.

 

“Greg,” Nick said again, this time pulling Greg out of his daze. “What’s wrong?”

 

Greg continued to stare at Nick for a moment, eyes widening before he moved the other man’s hands from his face. Frantically, he pulled up his shirt and let his hands roam over his stomach.

 

He knew it probably looked ridiculous, though he couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he found his stomach relatively flat and free of internal movement. He sagged against the side of the bed, ignoring the strange look Nick was giving him.

 

“Umm...” Nick began hesitantly, staring at Greg’s hands, which were still resting on top of Greg’s stomach. “Nightmare?”

 

Greg closed his eyes. “If you count scaring me out of ever having sex with you again...then, yes.”

 

Nick quickly became attentive, sitting up as he looked at Greg expectantly. There was more than a small amount of concern filtering through his voice. “Are we talking about sex in general or sex with me?”

 

 “Sex with you is kind of up for debate right now.”

 

“Was it anything bad?” Nick asked, this time more seriously. “What happened?”

 

“I was…” Sighing heavily, Greg opened his eyes, slowly turning his head to look at Nick. “I was…pregnant.”

 

“You were…”

 

“Yes. Pregnant, knocked up, expect–”

 

“Was it mine?”

 

Greg paused, sparing Nick an exasperated look before speaking again. “Expecting, feeding for two. With a child Catherine was convinced was a boy, Sara thought was a girl, and then neither of them wouldn’t stop touching my stomach because…did you – did you just snort?”

 

“No,” Nick replied hastily, looking away and not allowing Greg to see his face. But Greg didn’t need to see the other man’s face to notice the slight tremors travelling throughout Nick’s body.

 

“You’re laughing at me,” Greg accused incredulously. “I can’t believe you’re actually laughing at me.”

 

Now that Greg knew, Nick didn’t bother to hide his laughter. “Come on, man. You had a dream that you were pregnant.”

 

Greg narrowed his eyes at Nick. “And here I thought you were supposed to be the sensitive one.”

 

Nick put an arm around Greg’s shoulder, resting his head against Greg’s. “Something you want to tell me,” he said teasingly.

 

“Laugh it up while you can. You’re not the one who had the dream.” Greg shuddered.

 

“If it’s really bothering you, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

 

Greg scoffed. “Like you could ever hurt my feelings.”

 

“Well, if that’s the case…”

 

“What?”

 

“Is that why you’re always walking around barefoot in the kitchen?” Nick said with a wide grin, dissolving into another fit of laughter as Greg pushed him away.