Title: No Way to Comfort
Author: moi! sephirothflame
Livejournal: http://sephirothflame.livejournal.com/
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or any of the characters.
Warnings: Character Death, Slash
Pairings: Mentioned Nick Stokes x David Hodges
Summary: When someone dies from something you didn't know they had, how are you supposed to be comforted?
Spoiler warning: None that I know of
A/N: I'm sorry I wrote this. I was just toying with this idea for a while, and it seemed so tempting. -stern glare- I don't want to make light of this disease, and finding a cure for it is one of the most important causes you can donate money too. On a lighter note, I'm home sick so I've had alot of time to write. ;)

Of all the ways they'd imagined losing or getting rid of the Trace Tech, this one never occurred to them. No one would ever admit it, but watching him die of poison, or being killed in a car accident, or having him transferred had occurred to everyone at least once. This was far worse. The whole lab seemed quiet tonight, and going was slow. This 'misfortunate' incident hadn't been mentioned allowed, with the exception of the back-up Trace Tech who had no idea what was going on or why he was called in. The worst blow seemed to be dealt to the Lab Tech's, more specifically, Jacqui.

The woman could compete with the best when it came to mental strength and fortitude but tonight she was quiet and sullen. During a trip to the bathroom, Sara could have sworn she tears in the woman's eyes. Still, she wasn't the only one upset. All the Tech's had shed their tears, staying together. They'd make it through this, together. Oddly enough, the CSI seemed to care too. No one would have thought they could come to care about the snarky Tech.

"The funeral is set for Wednesday."

The words were dull, and Nick had found it hard to say them. By admitting there was a funeral, meant he was admitting David's... He couldn't even bring himself to say the word. It was weird, it was a simple word, and yet... Nick shook his head. He dealt with dying people all the time, what was so hard about this? Well, he cared about David for one. It never was the same when it was someone you loved.

The days slipped by, and two days after the incident, a new permanent Trace Tech was hired. Her spunkiness lightened the mood, but she was nothing like the previous owner of the lab. More then once the CSI had caught themselves before saying anything about running evidence to Hodges. It was Kros now. Somehow, and without reason, Nick found himself resenting her presence. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that they lost David for some run of the mill girl fresh from collage. It wasn't fair that she was so chipper and hyper while everyone else was still morning the loss. It wasn't fair that she could wake up and not regret or miss David.

Nick knew he would die if they didn't get the funeral over with, but was unwilling to let it take place. A warm embrace from Jacqui encouraged him, and the sympathetic smiles from David's family. The tears shed for a common loss comforted him. It was nice to know he wasn't suffering alone. Nice to know, despite what everyone thought that there really were people that cared about David out there.

One by one, people started telling their own personal experiences with David. It was touching, yet so hard to sit and listen too. Once again, Nick couldn't bring to admit the loss. Jacqui had taken his hand and squeezed it tightly, wiping tears away with the sleeve of her jacket. He was glad the female was there, she knew what he felt. If anyone who lived in the city cared as much for David as he did, it was her.

It seemed like a fuzzy memory, getting the 'I'm sorry for you losses' and watching the casket lowered into the ground. Nick remembered David admitting he wanted a tombstone so that people would know he existed, if only by reading his name. It was sad, and heartbreaking. Yet, here it was, the infamous headstone David had smiled about when he talked about. It was a headstone, and no one would ever forget his name.

Nick bit back tears, and pulled a sobbing Jacqui into a weak embrace. He knew he wasn't doing any good, shaking and crying along with her, but he needed to hold her. Needed to hold on to the reality that the world wasn't over. Jacqui was still here, it was all good. If only for a moment, he had to allow himself the momentary comfort.

"He never told you, did he?"

Nick didn't remember replying to the question, just remembered the sympathetic smiles and hugs from David's family. It was so hard, knowing that David could keep such a secret from him. He felt so unqualified, and untrustworthy. They had been close; close enough to talk about marriage and yet still the discussion had never arisen. Nick knew David took those pills, yet, every time he questioned it, he'd get a subtle 'fuck off'. He'd always dropped the subject.

It made since though, when it happened. David had always been so protective and careful about what he did. Never let anything to happen to spread his disease, or let anyone he knew he even had it. It was as if he felt less like a person. Nick wouldn't have cared, he would have understood. Why didn't David understand that?

"When he got it... That's when he left for Vegas..."

For a moment, he found himself wishing he could hate David. Anything would be easier then this. He wished he could wish David had never moved here, had never agreed to go on a date with him. He wished he hadn't been so drawn to the snarky Lab Tech.

It was useless to keep wishing, he knew, but what else could he do? He loved David, and it was really hard to deal with his... Even now he couldn't bring himself to say the hated word. Great, Nick Stokes, perfect image of a man, was a chicken. After everything, he was scared by a simple word. How pathetic was that?

"It went untreated for so long... And it was a very bad strand..."

It didn't matter anymore. Nick turned away from the comforting words and collapsed at his kitchen table, resting his forehead on the cool wood. David's family seemed to understand, and left the Texan alone to cry softly. There wasn't anything else they could do to comfort him. How do you comfort someone whose love died from AIDS? Especially when they had no idea what was going on, who had no idea that they had been so close to something as bad as it?

Silence. And then those hated words.

"I'm sorry for your loss."